It is generally accepted that jealousy is a clear indicator of love. We agree with this statement, because indeed, if a girl is jealous, it means she is interested in her man and wants to be only with him. But sometimes, this bright, revealing image is so blinding that it simply blinds women’s eyes.
Any insignificant act or accidentally thrown word can serve as a reason for jealousy. From such a specific manifestation of love, one simply begins to shake. It's so close to breaking! This is not part of your plans, is it? But spending the rest of your life in an exhausting and destructive relationship is not a good prospect. You will have to learn to fight and fight back against female jealousy.
Is jealousy good or bad?_8212
What exactly is jealousy and how compatible is it with the high feeling of love? On the one hand, if you are jealous, it means you value it, but on the other hand, you don’t trust and are afraid of losing. This is a burning and contradictory mixture.
Psychologists distinguish three main types of jealousy:
- competitive jealousy;
- jealousy in the presence of a specific rival;
- jealousy based on one's own fantasies and thoughts.
The last type is the scariest. In their far-fetched experiences, women are capable of reaching the point of no return. They torment themselves with things that simply do not and cannot exist in the real world. And the horror is that no one except the woman herself can stop the flow of such thoughts. And often she is powerless in this. And then it is necessary to resort to the help of specialists.
Jealousy is neither bad nor good. It just needs to be between two loving people, but in moderation. Without this feeling, the union will resemble simply neighborly relations: smooth, without passions and emotions. In general, lean, boring and indifferent. Jealousy in the right dosage is an excellent fuel for love and maintaining the spark in a couple.
Trouble comes when one of the partners cannot stop: dirty tricks, betrayal, and deception seem to be hiding around every corner. There's no time for love anymore. We must constantly hold the defense and be ready for battle. Often, none other than the “provocateur” of this feeling is called to fight - the beloved man. To stop participating in endless battles and battles, arm yourself with the following tips.
Patience: water wears away stones2
With age and events, everything changes. If outbursts of jealousy occur at the beginning of a relationship, then simply react to them correctly. Time will pass and passions will subside. In the vast majority of cases, jealousy subsides after a period of euphoria, wild passion and desire to spend all the time with the object of your love.
Wait a couple of months, and then you will see: ordinary jealousy will disappear, but paranoid jealousy will remain. Now you have to make a decision and choose: look for ways to calm her down or say goodbye.
Don't get defensive3
When a thousand reproaches and accusations are thrown at you, on a reflexive level you want to defend yourself from them. Of course, it is difficult not to fight back against words that have nothing to do with reality.
Remember that when your partner is overcome with jealousy, she cannot control herself. Therefore, your arguments and justifications will only act as catalysts in the conflict. Ordinary reproaches will turn into a scandal, where she attacks you, and you defend yourself.
There are several ways out of the situation. The first is to hug your girlfriend and tell her you love her. The second is to portray bewilderment and offense at such words. If the first two options do not help, then there is another one: in a calm but authoritative tone, say that this did not happen and leave the conversation (to another room, to the shower, or just to the store for chocolate for your little one - at this time she will cool down, and you will bring her a small gift).
Psychology of relationships
We women are, by nature, terrible owners. If we love a man, then we want him to be entirely ours, tame and homely! And only good upbringing, which silences the voice of selfishness, allows us to let our husbands go to barbecues or to a pub with their friends.
What to do if (oh, horror!) the husband is friends with the woman? The possessive “I won’t let you go anywhere” is secretly mixed with banal jealousy towards my husband’s friend! What to do if you are jealous of your husband's friend? Beautiful and Successful can help!
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Moreover, in a variant that is especially alarming for this man’s wife – friendship between a married man and an unmarried woman?
Since this discussion, as you understand, was not started by the authors of sympaty.net, and it certainly did not happen today, and a single answer has not been found, there are only two options left - either to debate ad infinitum, or to say “yes.”
Because, if the described situation of jealousy towards your husband’s friend is familiar to you, then this is a clear example of friendship between representatives of different sexes.
And since jealousy does not cancel the presumption of innocence, friendship between a man and a woman should be considered a very real fact! Rare, of course, but a fact!
Reasons for peace of mind
To finally convince you of the possibility of the existence of unblemished friendly relations between a man and a woman, I will give several reasons for peace of mind:
- Your husband introduced you to a friend , sometimes he talks about her, her affairs, their friendship, you know where and how these friendly relationships began, etc. If he does not hide the fact of communication with this person at all, then there is nothing to hide!
- This woman has her own personal life. Isn’t it too much to be jealous of your husband’s friend if she is married? By the way, such “cross-gender” friendships are sometimes based on discussing matters on the personal front - you can get advice from a friend of the opposite sex that you will never get from a male friend (in the case of your man)!
- There are witnesses to the husband's relationship with his friend , who will probably be amazed to learn that you are jealous of your husband's friend!
- He's known her longer than he has known you. If he were even a little interested in amorous affairs with his friend, then why would he start a relationship with you?
- Their friendship is based on spending time together (working in the same office, for example). Although many women are most jealous of those husband’s friends who spend a lot of time next to him! But, on the other hand, such office friendships are safe in that they almost never develop into joint leisure time. And a man who is in the same team every day can be understood - he shouldn’t sit sullenly in a corner because most of his colleagues are women! I want to exchange a word with someone and go to the smoking room...
- This is not friendship, but just friendship. More or less supported acquaintance. Your husband may have several dozen such acquaintances and friendships, and you cling to the only female name of all the ones he mentions - just because it is a woman. And the husband may be sincerely surprised - “we just meet with her occasionally, and nothing more - what’s wrong with that?”
Causes for concern
What can be considered real reasons for concern?
- The husband spends too much time with his girlfriend, and alone, and not in general - a relative concept, but still, if he prefers communication with her to family leisure more than half the evenings a week or spends all weekends with her, this is somehow alarming...
- He avoids any questions, hides the fact of meetings, conversations, online correspondence, and generally pretends as much as possible that he has almost no contact with this person. And it’s easy to start being jealous of your husband’s friend if it suddenly turns out that their communication is much more extensive than you imagined!
- If the friendship began violently and suddenly. That is, just a couple of weeks ago they didn’t even know each other (or they did, but very casually), but now it’s a big deal! And your husband’s conversations are only about her, and everything is in ecstatic colors! Maybe he himself doesn’t yet realize that such behavior is one step away from falling in love?!
What if she likes him?!
You yourself are a woman, and you understand perfectly well that the first step to attracting a man’s attention is to communicate with him more often.
But a woman won’t be the first to run to a man she likes with confessions, especially if it is known that he is not free? In response to a “direct attack,” a man will most likely say his decisive “No, I’m married!”
But making friends with him (not forgetting to make eyes) is a good way! After some time, a naive man will understand how interesting it is for him to communicate with such an extraordinary girl, and it will become more difficult for him to say “no”...
What to do if you already clearly notice that this is the cunning method that a person pretending to be “just a friend” decided to use?
Just don’t show her how much you are jealous of your husband for “just a friend”!
After all, if other women are interested in your man, this is a reason to once again realize what a wonderful, handsome and smart husband you got!
And jealousy and hysterics are the worst way to keep a husband in the family. Instead, arrange a “second honeymoon” - please, surprise, pamper your loved one, come up with interesting leisure activities together, show yourself from different sides, so that he once again understands how lucky he is with his wife!
And if he loves you, then the insidious homewrecker will be left with nothing!
Should you definitely become a friend of your husband's friend?
Many wives, feeling jealous of their husband’s girlfriend, take a completely logical step - they try to “make friends with the three of them.” They ask for friendly get-togethers, try to minimize the opportunities for a husband to communicate one-on-one with his girlfriend...
There is a logical basis for such actions, and a very solid one! You are a couple, it is quite normal for you to want to be perceived as a couple.
Besides, what’s wrong with turning “personal” friends into mutual friends of your family? And it’s somehow calmer - under the close supervision of the wife, such a friendship is unlikely to turn into some other, “hazing” relationship!
That's how it is. And in a number of cases, the attempt is successful - the wife becomes a friend of her husband’s friend, their own female friendship can even grow between them, and the male friend fades into the background...
But there is a risk that events will follow a different scenario.
Usually, friends and girlfriends are chosen according to “personal taste” - I won’t even try to understand exactly what characteristics, because friends can be “two boots in a pair”, and completely dissimilar personalities, nevertheless, maintaining long-term friendship! Friendship is no less a complex combination than love: it is almost impossible to become friends with someone because “it’s the right way,” without this mysterious attraction of souls!
And it may very well be that such attraction will not arise between you and your husband’s friend. If you had encountered each other in a different life situation, there would have been no talk of friendship or true friendship between you!
But for the reasons described above, jealous of her husband for his girlfriend, the woman arranges a “friendship out of necessity.”
At first, there will probably be no active resistance on the part of the husband’s girlfriend - there will be a polite attitude caused by an understanding of the friend’s married situation. And then... Friends sometimes still want to have a heart-to-heart talk, to communicate without other people, even their relatives!
Women who also have a male friend will understand this especially well - you can, of course, introduce your husband to him, but going under your husband’s “escort” to all meetings with a friend and constantly feeling that your husband is jealous of him is completely unpleasant!
The situation is similar with your husband’s friend - your jealousy will begin to irritate your husband, who will probably guess what’s going on, and maybe his friend too!
Perhaps the friendship will begin to wither before our eyes and will soon fade away - it is difficult to maintain a trusting relationship when a friend is constantly “escorted” by a jealous wife, and there is simply nowhere and no time to be frank!
If you think that destroying a friendship is the only way to keep your peace, then go ahead!
Constant control, poorly hidden jealousy of your husband’s girlfriend and inappropriate attempts to become a “third girlfriend” are the ideal method for this!
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Give compliments4
Of course, it’s stupid to suddenly turn into a nice man singing his lady’s praises one morning. Here the opposite effect will most likely work: yeah, he changed it and now he’s atoning for his sins. Just add kind words and compliments to your communication with your beloved at least once a day: how beautiful you are in this dress, how gentle you are in a robe and with a ponytail, you are my most beautiful. Use your imagination and try it.
Compliments to a girl about her beauty are not just words, so put emotions into them. She begins to be jealous not only because of her lack of confidence in you, but primarily because of her own complexes. Without support from you, her doubts about her strength and beauty only increase. Stop that.
Show her that you love her and truly appreciate her. Only your attitude is important to her now and it is this that can help her gain self-confidence. And women who are confident in their man are jealous in a completely different way, so much so that it gives guys such pleasure!
Show your love to her5
The provocateur of female jealousy is often male behavior. If your beloved girl stops receiving signs of attention and warmth from you, then she perceives this as coldness and indifference. Appealing to logic and thoughts in the style of “tired, overworked or forgot” is pointless. Women always have an ironclad argument: when you love, you will always find time for words and actions. In principle, they are right.
Remember yourself at the beginning of this relationship? After all, I didn’t care about the lack of sleep, thwarted plans, rare meetings with friends - just to be with her. In general, to eradicate jealousy, let the girl feel your love again.
It doesn’t matter what it will be: an evening at home in front of the TV, bought chocolates a couple of times a week on the way home, dinner, going out together with friends or for a walk. Just stay close to her. No phones or strangers.
What to do if your friend is jealous
The most terrible feeling that should never arise between loved ones is envy. Which of you has a better dress or richer parents, a more handsome boyfriend or bigger breasts does not matter, because you did not become friends for these reasons. But still, it is not always possible to control your feelings and thoughts; in moments of mental weakness, they can break through and end in a scandal.
There is only one way out of this situation - to apologize, and to both. One for excessively bragging about his new clothes, and the second for his inability to restrain his emotions. True friends will always understand each other and, of course, forgive each other. It is necessary to draw conclusions from such a situation, otherwise it may repeat itself.
to contents ^
Try to find the reasons for her jealousy6
If no actions produce results, and her jealousy simply torments you, try to get to the bottom of the true reasons why the girl is jealous. In a calm atmosphere, convey to your girlfriend that you love her and sincerely don’t understand why she behaves this way. Do not offer her your versions on this matter, but ask and wait for an answer.
It is important to talk about your feelings: that her jealousy hurts you; that you feel unneeded; you need to know that she trusts and loves you. Try to get her to have a frank conversation, and then dispel her doubts.
The reasons why women become jealous can be very different: from internal insecurity and complexes, to banal male indifference. Always start solving a problem with yourself.
Very often, jealousy goes away as soon as a man corrects his behavior: control his views; reduce unwanted communication with other girls; try not to stay late at work without good reason; warn your loved one if you can’t return home on time. And the main thing is to be loving, sincere and open. Then no speculation will enter your girlfriend’s head!
Test: Wife's Jealousy Quotient.
We have prepared a test so that you can find out how jealous your chosen one is and whether the illness can be cured at this stage. The accuracy of the result depends on honest answers.
1. Have you observed her paying attention to other men on the street?
2. Do calming actions on your part help?
3. Does your wife often interrogate women you know?
4. Does your wife claim that you are cheating on her or is she just guessing?
5. Do you respond to her jealousy with jealousy towards other men?
6. Does she often try in every possible way to keep you by her side?
7. Have you given a reason to be jealous and even more so to believe that you have someone else?
8. Do you have children together?
9. Does it stipulate that if you don’t stop communicating “with her,” she will file for divorce?
10. Do your eyes, cheeks, ears turn red when you start talking about another girl?
If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!
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