Crisis of 7 years - what to do if the child does not listen?

Causes of children's touchiness

Children's touchiness expresses the degree of vulnerability and vulnerability in matters of the child's self-image. What are the reasons why children are upset and offended:

• The child is sensitive from birth. There are children who are sensitive by nature, therefore they are attached to their parents and need their love and acceptance;
• Parents cannot accept the child's characteristics. Often the behavior of parents is aimed at the fact that they are ready to accept the baby if he fulfills their requirements. Parents try to educate by changing the child’s character, often shame him, deprive him of a lot, violating his inner comfort. Regular criticism destroys self-confidence, the baby begins to think that he is unloved and no one needs him;
• The feeling of hostility in the world causes an inadequate attitude in the child. Systematic restriction of behavior creates a state in the child when he feels that he is unable to resist these limiters, which humiliate his dignity. The baby shows isolation and resentment;
• Failure to meet the expectations of others. This understanding of things leads to the baby becoming aggressive or touchy;
• Manifestation of overprotection. Fearing that the baby will not be able to cope with difficulties on his own, parents take care of him all the time. The child gets the feeling that he does not have to cope with difficult situations, that everything will be done for him. Finding himself face to face with difficulty, the baby begins to be offended by the entire world around him;
• Indulging children's desires. The strict fulfillment of all the child’s desires creates in him the opinion that everyone in the world owes him, that he is in charge and can behave the way he wants. Complaining about the behavior of such a child will cause him resentment;
• Unfulfilled expectations. If a child expects some action from his parents, but for some reason his expectations are not met, he becomes offended or protests.

Main signs of a crisis period

Disobedience and aggression are key signs of a 7 year crisis

It is almost impossible not to notice the onset of the transition stage, because it is most clearly manifested in behavior. The main features of the transition stage are:

• mannerisms in public, in the family, attempts to imitate elders (relatives, heroes of movies, books);
• antics (most often directed at those closest to you);
• the appearance of restraint (at the age of 7, a child loses his ability to involuntarily - directly - react to certain events, now the baby comprehends everything that happens around him);
• periodic ignoring of requests or instructions from elders, disobedience;
• unreasonable attacks of anger (freaking out, breaking toys, screaming) or, conversely, withdrawing into oneself;
• differentiation of one’s “I” into public and internal;
• the need for recognition by adults of the importance of the individual.

It often happens that parents from this entire list pay attention only to disobedience: after all, in this way the usual hierarchy of adult-child relationships is violated, the baby becomes “uncomfortable.” However, this is a misconception about the significance of this manifestation of the crisis. Much more important is that the little person during this period needs understanding and care. And in this regard, it is better for parents to leave their dissatisfaction and try to help their child.

How to deal with touchy children

What approach is needed in a situation where a child is offended? How can I help him overcome his resentment?

• Control over emotions. An offended child may throw a tantrum. Stopping a baby from crying without breaking down is quite difficult. But you need to control your emotions and remain calm. At least external balance can calm the baby;
• Help the baby. Talk gently to your child, sitting down so that your faces are at the same level. When explaining, you can hold the baby’s hand and gently stroke his head. This way you will help him free himself from negative emotions;
• Sympathy. Try to voice your child's unexpressed feelings by saying that you understand. The baby will calm down, feeling that his mother shares his feelings and is ready to help;
• Softening the unconditional “no”. To defeat hysterics, you can replace strict prohibitions with the opportunity to fulfill your baby’s wishes. For example, a child wants ice cream in winter weather. We refuse to buy ice cream, but offer juice and cake in return. This technique will soften the ban and will not create a feeling of resentment.

You place the blame on someone else

Of course, it is unfair that children watch programs that are supposed to be educational and useful, but receive bad information from them - they begin to behave rudely and disrespectfully. Kids act like they do on TV and you have to deal with it! Yes, this is unfair, but this is your responsibility: you can limit your TV viewing or discuss the essence of what you saw with your children. Just because you're not the one setting a bad example for your child doesn't mean you don't need to explain what's wrong with him. Don't think that the responsibility may lie with someone else.

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How to help your child

Analyzing the situation with an offensive child, you can notice that children often do not know what types of reactions to offense exist. The adult must reveal to the child the possibility of a different response to the offense. How?

• Help you stop making generalizations. An offended child says that everyone is offending him. It is necessary to decipher and analyze the situation into specific cases of offense. When a child thinks that everyone is offending him, he has no way out of the situation of offense. He may become withdrawn and stop communicating. Therefore, it is worth finding out who exactly caused the offense;
• Advise you to contact the offender directly. This is one of the important types of reactions to insult, when the child directly declares to the offender that a certain action, word or attitude is unpleasant to him. This approach helps protect against resentment and maintain further friendly relations;
• Can be ignored. In some cases, a touchy child becomes a kind of target for angry-tongued children. Therefore, any explanation is meaningless; on the contrary, this is exactly the reaction the offender expects. You can ignore offensive words, imagining that the offender is not around, although this requires restraint and emotional stability, which is available to older children;
• Using excuses. Some automatic responses to hurtful words will help build a defense. For example, to direct name-calling like “Neumekha” you can answer: “Hello, Neumekha, nice to meet you, my name is Sergei.” This manner of response is convenient for children of preschool and primary school age;
• Develop interest in other children. Touchy children are too focused on themselves and their shortcomings. They feel like everyone is criticizing them. Such children need to develop a genuine interest in other children. To do this, children need to communicate more, learn the personal qualities, interests, and abilities of their peers. Having seen a personality in another child, the child will stop accumulating grievances;
• Self-assessment of your own achievements. Typically, a touchy child is highly dependent on other people's opinions. If he was praised, then he is satisfied and happy; if his work or good deed was not noticed, he is offended. Such children need to be taught to notice their strengths and appreciate them. You can start with the smallest thing: when writing, let him highlight the most successfully written letters. Completed a voluminous work, let him be proud of his achievements, etc. The child should be taught to find internal support so that other people’s opinions do not weigh on his personality;
• Joint search for ways to protect against insults. Discuss with your child what other ways he can react to an insult, what could be said and done. Write down his suggestions on a piece of paper and add your own options. Invite your child to choose the most successful option from the list, and play with it using a role-playing game. This will help the child react correctly to offense in the future.

Experts' opinions. Tips for parents

Help for children to overcome grievances should be built in accordance with the following conditions:

• to provide psychological assistance to children, preliminary diagnostic work should be carried out to identify the level of preparedness of children to overcome grievances;
• the child must have a psychological basis for working with a specialist;
• work to get rid of grievances is built step by step with gradual interaction between parents and teachers.

Separately, we need to talk about the role of parents in helping touchy children. The root of the problem is the family's parenting style. If mutual understanding reigns between parents, then issues of the child’s touchiness are resolved painlessly and effectively. The following tips will help parents in this difficult task:

• More communication and goodwill so that the child does not have to remind you of this;
• Children do not like it when others are praised in their presence. Here it is necessary to promptly explain to the child that it is normal to praise those who deserve it, and we must strive for this;
• A lot of time and effort needs to be devoted to emotional education, teaching children the correct response in a given situation;
• Try to teach your child to understand other people, to put yourself in their place;
• The child must get used to the fact that people’s actions are diverse. This needs to be realized and accepted;
• A good book or a skillfully chosen cartoon will help, using the example of heroes, to more effectively explain to a child how best to get out of a situation without taking offense;
• Explain to the child in which case the offense is adequate, in which there was no point in being offended;
• Avoid reproaches regarding your child’s habit of being offended. It's not productive. It’s better to find an educational tactic that will soften the offense;
• It is important that the child does not accumulate negative feelings. Let the child share his emotions in a timely manner and free himself from worries;
• Comparison with other children can harm a child's psyche. You should not talk to him about his superiority or inferiority in something compared to other children;
• Always look at the essence of the problem, find the real reasons for the grievances;
• When explaining things and situations in life, rely on humor and teach your child to accept everything with a smile.

Features of development of children 6–7 years old

The game remains the leading activity for primary schoolchildren

Upon reaching school age, a child experiences a powerful restructuring of the entire body, which is associated with the intensive development of the peripheral nervous system, musculoskeletal system, cardiovascular and endocrine systems. This causes special mobility and activity in children, but at the same time emotional overstrain and fatigue.

Also at this age, a new type of activity appears - study. And if earlier the leading activity was play, now the child wants to feel like an adult and go to school faster. Although the game has not yet left his life, therefore, the education of younger schoolchildren, as a rule, is based on this type of activity, that is, on the experience of children. At the same time, we should not forget that the nature of memory in a six- to seven-year-old toddler is involuntary. Therefore, the brighter the image of a particular concept, the easier it is for the baby to remember it. But it is still difficult for him to concentrate on one thing. And against the backdrop of these contradictions of development, a crisis of seven years arises.

A little about preventing touchiness in children

It is easier to prevent any problem than to solve it. Education is not only a purposeful process of transferring knowledge, skills and abilities. This is an extensive systematic work that requires constant attention, patience, perseverance, and wisdom. What is this complex process based on? The basic category of educational activity is parental unconditional love and constant care.

If a baby has grown up in an atmosphere of love and attention from his parents, his reactions to the world around him are quite adapted, and any problem can be quickly analyzed and easily resolved.

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