Family conflicts - typology, causes, solutions

The most important component of marriage is the ability to communicate with each other. In the process of communication between spouses, a connection arises that helps neutralize tension. However, marital conflicts are a common situation no matter how long a couple has been married. In many families, spouses are accustomed to taking out their irritation on their significant other, and the response to such behavior is anger. Such situations bring chaos and disorder into family relationships; in order to avoid quarrels and strengthen the marriage, it is necessary to master the art of communication. Psychology and psychotherapy of family conflicts will help with this.

Causes of conflicts in the family

Many people who get married quite often do not realize that family relationships are not only about living together and having children, but also about the ability and desire to care for and understand each other, and to give happiness.

So, for what reasons does psychological conflict arise in the family? A conflict situation is a clash of opposing and sometimes hostile needs, positions, views, opinions, interests. There are several common typical reasons that provoke conflict situations in almost any family. These include:

completely different views on life together;

unmet needs;

adultery;

drunkenness of one of the partners;

lack of respect between partners for each other;

non-participation in everyday life and raising children;

selfishness of spouses;

excessive jealousy, etc.

The listed reasons for the emergence of conflict situations in family life are by no means all the possible reasons that can cause quarrels between partners. Most often, in the joint life of the weak and strong half of humanity, conflict situations are caused by several reasons simultaneously. Therefore, all conflicts should be divided into two types, each of which depends on the method by which they are resolved.

The first type is creative, which consists of a certain level of tolerance towards each other, endurance, and refusal of humiliation and insults. Creative conflicts include a search for the causes of conflict situations, mutual readiness and the ability to conduct dialogue, and an attempt to modify existing relationships. The result of creative conflicts will be established, friendly relations between partners. The main result of such conflicts is constructive dialogue. The saying that truth is born in a dispute can rightfully be applied to such communication.

A destructive psychological conflict in a family consists of countless insults, humiliation by spouses of each other, the desire to offend a partner, teach a lesson or blame him. The result of such conflicts is a loss of mutual respect. And communication between them is transformed into an obligation, a duty, and most often an unpleasant, aggravating one, which leads to the breakdown of the family.

It should be noted that most conflicts of a destructive nature arise as a result of incorrect female behavior. Women are much more likely than men to try to spite them, try to take revenge on their partners and teach them a lesson. This is due to the high emotionality and sensitivity of the weak half of humanity. And also with the established role of women in family life today, which has long no longer satisfied women’s needs, ambitions and aspirations.

Therefore, we can identify the following main reasons for the emergence of conflicts in the family:

the desire of one or both partners to realize in marriage, first of all, their own, personal needs;

unsatisfied need for self-realization and self-affirmation;

inability of partners to communicate constructively with each other, with friends, relatives, comrades, acquaintances and work colleagues;

excessively developed material aspirations in one of the spouses or both at the same time;

reluctance of one of the partners to participate in family life and housekeeping;

inflated self-esteem of one of the partners;

discrepancy between parenting methods or views on parenting of one of the partners;

lack of desire on the part of one of the partners to raise children;

differences in spouses' judgments about the essence of the roles of wife, mother, husband, father, head of the family;

divergence of views on the role of a woman or a man in family life;

unreasonable and empty expectations;

misunderstanding, which results in a reluctance to engage in joint dialogue or constructively interact with each other;

different types of temperament among partners;

inability or unwillingness to consider temperament types;

intimate neglect, excessive jealousy or betrayal of one of the spouses;

material disadvantage or domestic unsettlement;

differences in spiritual, moral and value guidelines;

bad habits and their associated consequences.

There are also private reasons related to the characteristics of a particular family.

Types of family conflicts

Conflicts can be open (quarrel, scandal, fight) and hidden (internal discontent, passive aggression).
In addition, conflicts can be easily resolved (the cause and solutions are easy to find) and difficult to resolve (the problem is difficult to find, and after the solution, tension remains in the relationship).
We can also distinguish between constructive and destructive conflicts. Destructive ones create long-term tension in the family, and the spouses become convinced that there is a real threat of divorce. Constructive conflicts force spouses to treat each other more carefully and strive to understand their partner.

Most often, conflicts arise at the so-called grinding-in stage, that is, at the beginning of a relationship, when spouses are just adapting to each other’s characteristics. At this stage, it is especially important to work through conflicts, find their causes and solve problems.

Conflicts in a young family

In order to minimize the likelihood of conflicts arising in newly formed families of a destructive nature and to answer the question “how to avoid conflicts in the family,” both partners must have the proper level of motivational, moral, social, psychological and pedagogical readiness.

Moral and social readiness represents civic maturity. The criteria for civic maturity are age, education, profession, level of morality, health and economic independence. The most favorable age for marriage from a medical point of view is considered to be 20-22 years for the female part of the population and 23-28 for the male part, since the male body reaches full maturity later than the female one.

Also an important point that helps the successful adaptation of spouses in marriage is the ratio of their ages. The fragility of family relationships, in the overwhelming majority, is observed in families where the woman is older than the man. The strength of a marriage depends on the difference in the ages of the partners. The older the people entering into a marriage, the more years the man must be older than the woman. In this case, the maximum difference in the ages of partners should not exceed 12 years.

The level of morality of young individuals is one of the most important factors in their readiness to marry and start a family. Developed morality is manifested in the newlyweds’ awareness of the social significance of the family, a thoughtful choice of the chosen one, a serious attitude towards marriage, a sense of responsibility for the family, full respect for the future spouse, his relatives, responsiveness, and communication with them.

The readiness and well-being of family relationships has a significant dependence on the health status of individuals entering into marriage. A healthy lifestyle contributes to the development of spirituality and moral culture of the individual, strengthening family relationships, maintaining friendly and respectful relationships with the surrounding society, and also helps the individual much more easily cope with psycho-emotional difficulties and resist stressful situations that often arise in family life.

Numerous studies have shown that the criterion of housing security and material well-being does not directly affect family stability. However, poor housing and material conditions can often intensify conflict situations that arise due to other reasons. Motivational readiness combines love, as the main motive for creating a family, a sense of responsibility for the family, readiness for independence, giving birth to and raising children, and forming them into self-sufficient individuals.

Psychological readiness consists in the presence of developed communication skills, unity of positions or similarity of views on social and family life, the ability to create a morally and psychologically healthy climate in relationships, constancy of character and feelings, and strong-willed personal qualities. The family atmosphere in which the future spouses were born and raised, for the most part, determines how the fate of the young family will develop in the future, whether it will break up or not.

Pedagogical readiness includes pedagogical literacy, intimate education, economic and economic skills. Pedagogical literacy of individuals entering into marriage presupposes knowledge about the patterns of children's formation and methods of raising them, and skills in caring for children. Household and economic skills imply the ability to plan and distribute a family budget, organize leisure time, create comfort, and establish a daily life.

Sexual education consists of acquiring the necessary knowledge about sexual relationships between partners and the intimate aspects of an individual’s life, and how to preserve one’s love.

Prevention of conflicts in the family includes certain preparation of individuals for living together.

There are practically no families without conflicts, especially young ones. After all, a person is in constant conflict even with himself. Conflict situations in family relationships can be completely different. They occur between spouses, children, and generational conflicts in the family are also common.

Conflicts between children in the family

Conflict situations that arise in families between children are a fairly common phenomenon. Almost all families face this problem after the birth of their second baby. Children conflict with older or younger brothers and sisters in order to try to defend their own position and attract the attention of adults and win them over to their side.

As a rule, parents always intervene in conflicts between children, trying to reconcile them. However, often this only makes the situation worse. Parents think they have solved the problem, but in reality, children simply stop quarreling in their presence. This happens because the true cause of the conflicts has not been found, as a result of which it is not possible to resolve the conflict.

Frequent causes of children's conflicts are the struggle for leadership among other children, position in the family, and also for the attention of adults. Quarrels between children in the family serve as a so-called indicator of family relationships. If they happen often, it means that not all is well in family relationships. Moreover, the dysfunction of family relationships is expressed not only in frequent quarrels between children, but also between the parents themselves. Generational conflicts in the family are also a clear indicator of dysfunctional relationships.

However, you should not be upset by conflict situations. After all, they are inevitable. Conflicts occur even in the happiest families. However, they pass and are resolved in different ways.

You should not try to explain frequent children's quarrels by character traits or hereditary aggression of children. After all, the behavior of children, basically, is directly dependent on the specific circumstances and methods of education applied to them by their parents.

Prevention of conflicts in the family that arise between children consists of adults ignoring them. After all, in most cases, the cause of children’s conflicts lies in the so-called work “in public.” And if such a “public” is absent or does not react, then the conflict itself is ineffective. Therefore it doesn't make sense.

Naturally, it is quite difficult for parents to remain indifferent and not intervene when their children quarrel. Most adults are simply convinced that if they do not intervene, children will definitely hurt each other. Therefore, they try to reconcile the warring parties, often without delving into the reasons for such hostility. Very often the older child is left to blame. So, the only solution to conflicts in the family that occur between children is to ignore them. If you are still afraid that children may harm each other, then take away dangerous objects from them and let them solve the problem on their own. Only in the rarest cases are children capable of deliberately causing harm to each other, because this is not their goal. They just want to attract the attention of adults by involving them in their own quarrels.

World of Psychology

According to experts who study the family, compatibility between marriage partners is not always achieved and usually not immediately (Kovalev S.V., Sysenko V.A.). Any, even the most private aspect of internal, deep-seated incompatibility will inevitably manifest itself on the surface in the form of behavioral conflicts.

According to N.V. Grishina’s definition, a conflict is a bipolar phenomenon (a confrontation between two principles), manifesting itself in the activity of the parties aimed at overcoming contradictions, and the parties are represented by an active subject (subjects).

Conflict is a common feature of social systems, it is inevitable and inescapable, and therefore should be considered as a natural part of human life. Conflict can be accepted as a form of normal human interaction. It does not always and not everywhere lead to destruction; this is one of the main processes serving to preserve the whole.

The value of conflicts is that they prevent the ossification of the system and open the way to innovation. Conflict is a stimulus for change; it is a challenge that requires a creative response. In a conflict, there is undoubtedly a risk of destruction of relations, the danger of not overcoming the crisis, but there is also a favorable opportunity to reach a new level of relations, constructively overcome the crisis and gain new life opportunities.

Kovalev S.V. notes that happy families are distinguished not by the absence or low frequency of conflicts, but by their low depth and comparative painlessness and consequencelessness.

Types of conflicts.

In social psychology, the components of conflict are an objective conflict situation, on the one hand, and its images among the participants in disagreements, on the other. In this regard, the American psychologist M. Deutsch proposed considering the following types of conflicts:

A genuine conflict that exists objectively and is perceived adequately (the wife wants to use the spare room as a storage room, and the husband as a darkroom).
A random, or conditional, conflict that can easily be resolved, although this is not realized by its participants (the spouses do not notice that there is still space).
Displaced conflict - when behind the “obvious” conflict something completely different is hidden (arguing over a free room, spouses are actually conflicting because of ideas about the role of the wife in the family).
An incorrectly attributed conflict is when, for example, a wife scolds her husband for what he did while carrying out her own order, which she has already completely forgotten about.
Latent (hidden) conflict. It is based on a contradiction that is unconscious to the spouses, but which nonetheless objectively exists.
A false conflict that exists only because of the perception of the spouses, without objective reasons.

The real causes of the conflict are difficult to detect due to various psychological factors. Firstly, in any conflict, the rational principle is usually hidden behind emotions. Secondly, the true causes of the conflict can be reliably hidden and psychologically protected in the depths of the subconscious and appear on the surface only in the form of motivations acceptable to the self-concept. Thirdly, the causes of conflicts can be elusive due to the so-called law of circular causation (causality) of family relationships, which also manifests itself in marital conflicts.

Causes of marital conflicts.

V. A. Sysenko (1981) divides the causes of all marital conflicts into three large categories:

conflicts based on unfair distribution of labor (different concepts of rights and responsibilities);
conflicts due to unmet needs;
quarrels due to shortcomings in upbringing.

Regarding the first reason, it should be noted that the main thing in the distribution of family responsibilities is their consistency, as a result of which both traditional and egalitarian family models can be quite acceptable for family well-being if they satisfy both spouses. The search for this consistency can be fraught with conflict. A husband and wife may expect very different things from marriage and have different ideas about their family life. Moreover, the more these ideas do not coincide, the less stable the family is and the more dangerous situations arise in it. In such a case, we can talk about a mismatch of role expectations, a role conflict, or more broadly, a conflict of ideas.

If family members understand their roles differently and present each other with inconsistent, rejected by others, expectations and corresponding demands, the family is obviously incompatible and conflicting. The behavior of each person, which corresponds to his individual ideas about his family role, will be considered by him as the only correct one, and the behavior of the other partner, which does not meet these ideas, as incorrect and even malicious.

Closely related to these expectations and ideas are the needs that spouses would like to satisfy in marriage. If the ideas do not coincide, then the needs are in mutual disagreement: we strive to satisfy not those needs that are relevant for the other, and accordingly, we expect from him to satisfy those of our needs that he is not going to satisfy. Such a mismatch first turns into a hidden and then into an open behavioral conflict, when one of the spouses with his expectations and needs becomes an obstacle to satisfying the desires, intentions and interests of the other.

It is known that the family and marital needs of men and women are very different (Harley W., 1994). Age differences in family and marital needs were also discovered: if at a young age (20-30 years old) the emotional, sexual, spiritual side of relationships (sincerity and openness in communication) is most important for women, then at the age of 30-40 and 40-50 years along with on the communicative side, the husband’s dedication to the family (the man’s fulfillment of paternal responsibilities towards children) becomes increasingly important, and after 50 years - financial support from the husband and help around the house (Andreeva T.V., Pipchenko T.Yu.

Conflicts in the family are also influenced by inadequate and contradictory family and marital ideas and expectations. In the psychological literature, three main reasons are identified for the discrepancy between family and marriage ideas of young people (Kovalev S.V.).

The first reason is due to the fact that our ideas about marriage and family become more refined and saturated with details, as the family becomes less and less consistent with the functioning pattern that has developed over centuries.

The previously existing scheme for transferring family experience from parents to children began to fail more and more often. Thus, according to a survey conducted in Estonia back in the mid-1970s, only 12% of newlyweds intended to completely follow the example of their parents in their relationships, about 60% intended to do this partially, and the rest saw their family as completely different from their parents’ family. (quoted from: Kovalev S.V.).

The second reason is that family and marriage ideas are currently very far from ideal. Research conducted in Vilnius showed that these ideas are often limited to one aspect of life, mainly household or sexual. It turned out that in most cases the responsibilities of the gender to which the interviewee belonged were discussed in more detail, rather than those of the opposite gender. The greatest discrepancy between young men and women emerged in their ideas about how to maintain good family relationships. Representatives of the stronger sex saw their main task in her material support, forgetting about the moral and emotional support that a husband is obliged to provide to his wife. In contrast, representatives of the fairer sex emphasized the importance of this support and discussed it in detail.

The third reason is that the conflict of ideas of young spouses can become aggravated and aggravated due to very poor knowledge of each other’s ideas. This happens, firstly, because during the period of premarital courtship they prefer to discuss any topics except those that directly relate to family relationships. Secondly, the very short duration of this premarital courtship prevents them from finding out each other’s ideas.

In marital relationships, the role of marital communications, communication skills and culture is very important (quoted from: Kovalev S.V.). V. Satir (1992) drew attention to illusions and traps in communication, which often lead to conflicts.

American researchers V. Matthews and K. Mikhanovich identify the 10 most important differences between happy and unhappy family unions. It turned out that in unhappy families, spouses:

do not think the same way on many issues and problems;
poorly understand the feelings of another;
say words that irritate another;
often feel unloved;
do not pay attention to others;
have an unmet need for trust;
feel the need for a person they can trust;
rarely compliment each other;
often forced to yield to the opinion of another;
wish for more love.

S.V. Kovalev argues that for the happiness of a family, a fairly limited set of purely psychological conditions is necessary:

normal conflict-free communication;
trust and empathy;
understanding each other;
normal intimate life;
having a home.

V. A. Sysenko divides all relatively dysfunctional families into three types: conflict, crisis and problem.

Conflicting marital unions include those in which there are areas between the spouses where their interests, needs, intentions and desires constantly come into conflict, giving rise to particularly strong and lasting negative emotions.

Crisis ones are those where the confrontation between the interests and needs of the spouses is particularly sharp and affects important areas of the family’s life.

Problematic marital unions - which are faced with particularly difficult life situations that can cause a significant blow to the stability of the marriage: lack of housing and prolonged illness of one of the spouses, a long-term sentence, etc. However, the objective circumstances of the family’s life influence its well-being only through their subjective assessment by spouses. In the specialized medical literature, there is the concept of “neurotic family”, used to characterize a family in which one spouse or both suffer from certain neuroses, and the latter leave a very noticeable and significant imprint on the marital relationship.

A. N. Kharitonov and G. N. Timchenko developed the author’s concept of the essence (definition and signs) of the difficulties of family relationships. According to the authors’ definition, difficult family relationships (family difficulties) are negative, destructive interpersonal relationships in the family, associated with dissatisfaction of basic needs and requiring additional efforts of each family member and the entire family group on the path to achieving harmony, maturity and normal functioning.

A generalized sign of family difficulties is expressed in dissatisfaction or fragmented satisfaction with the basic needs of family members (or at least one spouse) in the process of communication difficulties, dissatisfaction with marriage, and family life in general. Basic single signs of a difficult relationship:

Insufficient psychophysiological compatibility of spouses, including sexual compatibility, negative or unclear perception of physical attractiveness, acceptability of family members to each other.
Insufficient personal maturity of parents, children (or only spouses) in accordance with gender, age, role in the family. Personality indicators: the presence of intrapersonal conflicts, anxiety, immoderation, mental stress, symptoms of neurotic reactions, neuroses; behavioral difficulties, accentuated features; insufficient adequacy in the level of maturity of various personal spheres of a family member; incomplete adaptation in microsocial processes; difficulties in self-regulation of one’s states, feelings, behavior, etc.
Lack of mutual desire to satisfy the basic needs of husband, wife, children on the part of spouses and parents.
The predominant presence in contacts sleeping within the family of negative, destructive emotions and feelings, along with the presence of positive, constructive emotions and feelings.
Cognitive mismatch in perception, understanding, coincidence of values of spouses, parents and children.
Rigidity, conflict, competition, uncompromisingness, poor adaptability in the interpersonal behavior of family members.
Difficult search for methods, methods, types of solutions to various problems in the process of the family life cycle (Kharitonov A.N., Timchenko G.N.).

The perception of conflict situations in married life, first of all, depends on the personal qualities of each spouse. Difficulties in controlling one's own behavior also arise in situations of constant overwork. Thus, married working women have inappropriate reactions in the home environment when they react sharply to the usual pranks or misdeeds of children, husband’s activities, etc.

Many conflicts can be chronic. Typically, chronic conflicts are associated with socio-psychological attitudes of the individual that develop throughout life. This may be a fundamental disapproval of some features of the lifestyle and behavior of the husband or wife. Behind chronic conflicts are unsatisfied needs and fundamental incompatibility of characters, socio-psychological attitudes, views, and life positions. They are characterized by depth and consistency. Most often, from the point of view of spouses, chronic conflicts are practically unsolvable and almost always represent a dangerous situation for marriage (V. A. Sysenko).

Many authors associate conflict in relationships with parental family behavior patterns. Thus, S. Kratochvil notes that an individual learns the male or female role to a large extent from his parents and tends to unconsciously use the model of parental relationships in his family, regardless of whether he likes them or not. Conflicts in young families are associated with differences in the rules that each spouse learned from their parental family. Thus, in some families it is customary to resolve conflicts immediately and emotionally, while in others it is customary to resolve them rationally and calmly, after first breaking up and calming down. As a result, people learn different ways of resolving conflicts in their ancestral families and behave the same way in their families, while everyone believes that they are resolving the conflict correctly, but the other side is not. Each believes that the other is breaking the rules. The same applies to rules regarding housekeeping, financial expenses (saving money or spending it immediately), raising children and many household details (Richardson R.W.). This also applies to the views accepted in ancestral families regarding the priorities of household affairs (ideal order, comfort, cooking) or raising children, their development, activities with children, their education. Many authors have noted greater stability and lack of conflict in families formed by partners from similar distribution of power, responsibilities and, in general, family structure and values (Kratochvil S). This can also partly explain the greater stability observed by many authors in families formed by “immigrants” from the village: in many aspects of everyday life (who should do what, how to run the household, what is important and what is not).

Tactics for resolving marital conflicts

Speaking about resolving marital conflicts, V. A. Sysenko believes that it is necessary:

maintain a sense of personal dignity for husband and wife;
demonstrate mutual respect and deference at all times;
try to arouse enthusiasm in the other spouse, restrain and pacify manifestations of malice, anger, irritability and nervousness;
do not focus on the mistakes and miscalculations of your life partner;
do not blame the past in general and past mistakes in particular;
use a joke or any distracting technique to relieve or pause growing mental tension;
resolve looming conflicts by diverting to other safe topics;
do not torment yourself and your partner with suspicions of infidelity and betrayal, restrain yourself in manifestations of jealousy, muffling the suspicions that arise;
remember that in marriage and family it is necessary to demonstrate extreme patience, forbearance, kindness, attention and other positive qualities.

In relation to family conflicts, it is useful to listen to the recommendations of specialists in conflict management and interpersonal communication training. Destructive tactics (ignoring, belittling the partner’s personality, egocentrism) should be avoided and positive ones should be used. For example, use the so-called active listening in interpersonal relationships - a system of actions that help focus the listener’s attention on the partner, activate the partner’s self-expression, perceive and understand what was said (and not said by him). Very relevant in family and marital relations is the use of emphasizing the importance of the partner (statements conveying to the partner messages that his contribution is valued, respected, grateful to him, admired by him), as well as emphasizing the commonality with the partner (statements stating the similarities between the speaker and his partner, common features, common positions, experiences, etc.).

American family psychotherapist Dean Delis demonstrates an interesting approach to conflict resolution. In his opinion, conflicts caused by the so-called “imbalance of objective circumstances” are the easiest to correct. By this term he understands tense situations that subside in families that find themselves in stressful situations, which D. Delis understands in a broad sense. This includes any changes, such as moving, the birth of a child, a wedding, changes in professional status, an accident, teenage rebellion, etc. The author includes the following tactics for resolving the imbalance of objective circumstances: firstly, you should blame the situation, not each other ( that is, it is necessary to realize the regularity of the changes in relationships); secondly, you should empathize with your spouse (try to take his position and express understanding of his difficulties); thirdly, one should negotiate to restore balance, avoiding vague sincerity. It is necessary to draw up specific and effective short-term and long-term plans to jointly change the situation that has arisen. D. Delis believes that there is always a way to improve a bad situation if partners take responsibility for finding the best way out and use non-accusatory communication tactics.

Structured family therapy techniques: “Memories” (memories reveal what is troubling a person at the moment), “Family photographs” (family structure, role behavior, etc.), “Family puppet interview” (the played story is associated with conflicts in family), “Draw a dream” (good for children), etc. Sociometric techniques: “Family sculpture” (family members show intra-family relationships by depicting a sculpture), “Family choreography” (family scene without words), etc. Behavioral techniques: “Marital Conference” and “Family Council”, etc.

Resolving conflicts in the family

The constructiveness of resolving conflicts between spouses is directly dependent, first of all, on whether there is understanding between them, whether they are guided in their life together by behavior that is based on the ability to forgive and give in.

The main condition for a constructive conclusion to a controversial dialogue is to under no circumstances seek victory over each other. After all, victory is unlikely to be considered a personal achievement if it comes at the expense of defeat or offending a loved one. In any conflict, you need to remember that your partner is worthy of respect.

How to avoid conflicts in the family between spouses? You need to understand that conflicts are an inseparable part of family life, just like communication, everyday life, leisure, etc. Therefore, conflict situations should not be avoided, but rather tried to be resolved constructively. If quarrels arise, you should adhere to a constructive dialogue using reasoned facts, without using categoricalness, claims, generalizations and maximalism. There is no need to involve strangers or family members in conflicts if they do not directly concern them. It should be understood that a favorable climate in the family depends only on the behavior, goals and desires of the spouses, and not on other individuals. Strangers can become a catalyst or detonator of destructive conflict rather than a helping mechanism.

Conflicts in the family are resolved in various ways, which lead to both the improvement of relationships and their destruction. One of the ways to resolve conflicts that leads to family breakdown is divorce. According to many psychologists, divorce is preceded by a process that includes three stages. The first stage is an emotional divorce, which manifests itself in cooling, indifference of partners to each other, loss of trust and loss of love. The next stage is physical divorce, which results in separation. The final stage is considered a legal divorce, which implies legal registration of the termination of the marriage.

Many couples are so tired of endless quarrels and conflicts that they see the only solution to the problem - divorce. For some, it really is a deliverance from unfriendliness, hostility, enmity, deception and other negative aspects that darken life. However, it also has its negative consequences, which will be different for society, the divorcees themselves and their children.

A woman is considered more vulnerable during a divorce, since she is much more susceptible to neuropsychiatric disorders. For children, the negative consequences of divorce will be much more significant compared to the consequences for adults. After all, the child thinks that he is losing one of his parents or blames himself for the divorce.

Family conflicts: conflicts between parents and children - causes and resolution

Conflicts between parents and children are another type of typical family conflicts that arise no less frequently than conflicts between spouses. The main causes of such conflicts are:

The nature of relationships within the family. Relationships can be harmonious and disharmonious. In a harmonious family, a balance is maintained between the psychological roles of all family members, and a family “We” is formed. In disharmonious families, conflicts between spouses, mental tension, neurotic disorders and chronic anxiety in children are observed.
Destructive family education. It is characterized by disagreements between spouses on issues of upbringing, inadequacy, inconsistency and contradiction in the upbringing process, prohibitions on any areas of children's life and increased demands on children, as well as condemnations, censures, punishments, and threats.
Age crises of children. Defined as transitional stages from one stage of child upbringing to another. Here we can note on the part of children irritability, capriciousness, stubbornness, disobedience, conflict with others, mostly with parents. In total, there are several age crises: up to 1 year, 3 years, 6-7 years, 12-14 years and 15-17 years.
Personal factor. This includes the personality traits of both parents and children. Speaking about parents, we can mention conservatism and stereotypical thinking, adherence to bad habits. If we talk about children, then we can highlight low academic performance, behavioral disorders, inattention to the words of parents, selfishness, self-confidence, arrogance.

We can safely say that conflicts between parents and children are the result of the wrong behavior of both. According to this, such conflicts can be resolved in the following ways.

Firstly, it is necessary to improve the pedagogical culture of parents, which will make it possible to take into account the psychological characteristics and psycho-emotional states of children due to age.

Secondly, families should be organized on collective ideas. It is necessary to find and determine general development prospects, family responsibilities, family traditions, hobbies and interests.

Thirdly, verbal demands must certainly be supported by actions and educational measures, so that parents are always an authority and an example to be followed.

Fourthly, it is required in every possible way to show interest in the inner world of children, to take part in their hobbies, concerns and problems, and also to cultivate their spirituality.

We can summarize everything we have said as follows.

To avoid conflicts in the family, you need to respect not only yourself, but also your loved ones, not accumulate grievances and let as little negativity into your life as possible. Comments should be made gently and tactfully, and problems that arise should be solved together (children, if they do not concern them, should not be involved in them).

You should treat yourself and family members adequately. Remember that you may not always be right. Strive for trust and mutual understanding, be attentive and responsive. Look for common ground, spend leisure time and relax together, engage in family creativity and, most importantly, do not allow the pressure of gray everyday life to paint over the most important thing in your life - love and good relationships with loved ones.

Advice and love, as they say!

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Key words:1Relationships