How will our children behave when we can get out of isolation? Will they be ready to run and go anywhere - or will it be difficult for them to leave the house due to anxiety that something might happen? As a rule, anxious children “read” the behavior of adults, but closer to adolescence they can become anxious on their own. How to teach them to cope with anxiety?
Anxiety is “built-in” by default into every person’s body. And when young patients tell me about their anxiety as if it were a severe congenital pathology, I have to restrain myself not to exclaim: “Well, of course, sometimes you experience anxiety! It is she who helps you calmly cross the road and not get hit by a car.” In these cases, I usually tell the patient about the benefits of anxiety.
But it happens that anxiety turns from a useful defense into an unpleasant interference in life. In these cases, I help the girl return her worries and fears to the limits of reason.
To teach girls how to manage their anxiety, we look at response systems that act as guards when anxiety levels are healthy and fail when anxiety gets out of control. These are physical reactions, emotional reactions, thought patterns and behavioral impulses.
A few years ago, I helped a colleague of mine from Laurel High School. We were standing in line in the cafeteria when she suddenly said:
- You know, I have a little problem in my family. Could you help me?
“Of course,” I agreed. - What's happened?
“My eleven-year-old daughter is very worried about her upcoming overnight stay with her cousin,” said a colleague. “She really wants to go because she’s friends with her sister and her friends, but she’s afraid that she won’t be able to sleep.” Just the thought of spending the night makes her suffocate.
“It’s good that you asked about this,” I replied. — There are many ways to help your daughter.
Increased anxiety in a child: signs
The second most common problem after behavioral disorders in children is increased anxiety. Its signs are found in 8% of children. And unfortunately, this figure is growing.
What is anxiety? These are episodic manifestations of fear. Each age has its own, and we’ll talk about it below. Anxiety is an absolutely normal manifestation if it is caused by specific circumstances. If it is present in the “background”, we can talk about pathology.
In other words, any child can become agitated and begin to worry if some exciting event occurs in his life, even if it is pleasant, but in ordinary life he is calm and joyful. A child with signs of increased anxiety practically cannot relax, and constantly experiences anxiety - when he is in a familiar environment, when visiting, on a holiday, in the park, when a stranger addresses him, etc.
The main difficulty in diagnosing increased anxiety in children is that while they are small, they cannot accurately tell about the problem, and closer to adolescence they can persistently deny them. Here are some signs of increased anxiety in your child that you should be wary of:
Behavioral:
- fussiness;
- motor restlessness;
- repetitive obsessive movements - finger sucking, hair curling, nail biting;
- sleep disorders;
- stiffness;
- panic fear of the new, of any change;
- diffidence;
- refusal of new activities;
- seriousness;
- reluctance to stand out and desire for silence;
- frequent fears for no reason;
- low self-esteem.
Somatic signs
(the child may not talk about them, and they may also be associated with certain diseases).
If you suspect increased anxiety in your child, you should focus on a combination of somatic and behavioral signs.
- hot flashes or chills;
- tremor or shaking;
- cardiopalmus;
- chest discomfort or pain;
- feeling of a lump in the throat;
- difficulty breathing;
- fainting or dizziness;
- muscle tension;
- numbness or tingling;
- feeling of “emptiness in the head”;
- a feeling of the unreality of objects or the separation of one’s own “I”.
American psychologists P. Baker and M. Alvord advise paying attention to whether the child’s behavior has the following signs: constant anxiety, difficulty, sometimes inability to concentrate on anything, muscle tension (for example, in the face, neck), irritability, sleep disturbance.
Types of Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders (AD) in children and adolescents include:
- Anxiety about separation from mother and father (separation anxiety).
- Worry about social situations (social anxiety).
- Pervasive anxiety that characterizes everyday life (generalized anxiety)
- Severe anxiety that attacks unexpectedly (panic anxiety).
- Anxiety for objects and situations (phobias).
These TRs are basically the same as in adults.
Psychosis in children and adolescence.
Test for a child's anxiety level
If you notice signs of increased anxiety in your child, we recommend that you conduct a small test to clarify.
Questionnaire
Lavrentieva G. P. and Titarenko T. M.
Answer yes if you agree with the statement and no if the statement does not apply to your son or daughter:
1. Your child cannot work for a long time without getting tired 2. Has difficulty concentrating 3. Any task causes unnecessary anxiety 4. Is very tense and constrained in completing tasks 5. Is embarrassed more often than others 6. Often talks about tense situations 7. As a rule, blushes or turns pale in an unfamiliar environment 8. Complains that he has terrible dreams 9. His hands are usually cold and wet 10. Often suffers from upset bowel movements 11. Sweats a lot when he is excited 12. Does not have a good appetite 13. Has difficulty falling asleep, sleeps restlessly 14. Shy, many things cause him fear 15. Usually restless, easily upset 16. Often cannot hold back tears 17. Does not tolerate waiting well 18. Does not like to take on new things 19. Not confident in himself and his abilities 20. Afraid to face challenges difficulties
For each positive answer, count 1 point:
If the total number of points reaches 15-20 points, then your child has increased anxiety; 7-14 points—average; 1-6 points—low
Causes of anxiety in children
Most psychologists are confident that the main reason for increased anxiety in a child is the anxiety of the adults who surround him. Moreover, this is not a hereditary trait, but a feature of upbringing. Here are some parenting styles that can lead to increased anxiety in a child.
- Overprotection. Such parents strive to protect their child from any threats, including imaginary ones. As a result of such overprotection, the child feels defenseless in front of the world and inability to achieve success on his own.
- Increased requirements. These parents have either achieved little in this life and want their children to make their dreams come true, or, on the contrary, climb high up the social ladder and demand that the child meet high standards. In both cases, the personality of the little person and his true needs are ignored. The child is afraid of not living up to high expectations, of losing the love of his parents, and this creates anxiety in him
- Authoritarian style. Such parents themselves were raised in Spartan conditions, and they raise their offspring in the same way. There are only responsibilities and no feelings. The child's emotions are rejected, fears are ridiculed, dreams are devalued. This creates low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and, as a result, increased anxiety.
How to help a teenager with increased anxiety
At home, parents can try to perform a task with their child that will highlight and reinforce his confidence, and also muffle the fear of any action.
For example, you cannot persuade a child to start doing this or that activity. Ask him to imagine himself as a small child who is much less capable of certain actions than he is. As an example, he has not learned to count, write, or simply does not know the alphabet. Then let him imagine himself as a child who can solve this task. Thus, he will be convinced that he is more capable than a clumsy person and if he puts in the effort, he will cope with the task.
Also help to sort out such nuances as “I can” and “I can’t.” Ask your child to explain to himself what his inability is and then highlight what he can do at the moment. Show how close he will get to the result with effort. At the same time, explaining to the child that everyone, due to their individuality, may not always be able to cope with any task, but if you make an effort, you can achieve the desired result.
Help for such a child can be varied. And if, despite the good microclimate in the family, as well as the efforts of the parents, increased anxiety continues to bother the child (teenager), seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. These specialists will help solve your child’s psychological problems, and the anxiety will go away, and a smile will appear on his lips again! But if the teenager continues to have the above painful manifestations, contact a psychiatrist. Do not be afraid. Only a specialist can truly help solve the problem!
We constantly detect plagiarism on our materials without providing a clickable follow link to them. In this case, without warning, we turn to Google DMCA , which leads to pessimization of the plagiarist. On the contrary, we welcome the popularization of our materials, but with the obligatory active follow link to this page psyhosoma.com/trevozhnost-u-podrostkov-na-chto-obratit-vnimanie/ .
Anxiety disorder in school-age children (7 to 10 years)
Starting from school, the social interactions of the child himself are added to the main cause of increased anxiety - unfavorable family upbringing. If he has learned from his parents that he lacks confidence in his own abilities and in himself, he may begin to worry about a possible loss of respect from peers, teachers, fear of not meeting the expectations of adults and fear of punishment, conflicts with friends if he cannot meet their demands and desires.
At the same time, girls worry more about relationships with other people, while boys are more concerned about punishment and violence.
Girls, having done an “unseemly” act, worry that the teacher or mother will think badly of them, and their friends will stop playing with them. In the same situation, boys are likely to fear that adults will punish or beat them.
Correction of anxiety in children
If you see that your child suffers from increased anxiety and want to help him, you need to remember that this is a complex work:
- Reconsider your relationship with the world; if you or your husband are anxious and distrustful of the future, it is unlikely that you will be able to rid your child of anxiety
- Change your parenting style if you recognize it in one of the above
- Perhaps you should consult a psychologist in order to work on yourself to become calmer and more confident, then the child will get rid of anxiety even without outside interference.
Important “Being unhappy people, you will never be able to build a relationship with your child so that he is happy. And if the parents are happy, then there is no need to do anything special.”
M. Labkovsky
Here are some specific techniques for helping your anxious child that will help them and teach them some ways to cope with anxious thoughts and stress:
Trick #1: Give your fear a name.
The first psychological tactic is to help defuse the child’s anxiety and work on relieving fear.
The way it works is quite simple. All you do is ask your baby to come up with a silly name for the unpleasant feelings he is experiencing. It is very important that the name is as non-threatening as possible. This will help remove seriousness and reduce fear.
Once children find a name they are happy with, the next step is to tell the emotions to go away. For example, if he decides to call his emotion "Stupid Donkey", he might say something like this:
"Leave me alone, Stupid Donkey!"
“Stupid donkey, go away, I’m tired of you!”
By giving his feelings a stupid name and talking to them out loud, he will take away the power from those emotions. And then the child will be able to calm down much faster, and what is very important, having learned this technique, he will be able to use it even when you are not around, and independently regulate his feelings.
Technique #2: Listen
When someone tells you about their problems, including our child, the first instinct is usually to help them with it immediately. However, this impulse and these feelings are not so useful when dealing with children (and often with adults too). They act less rationally than adults, and their anxieties are not as clearly expressed. Therefore, using logic to explain that everything is fine does not always work as we would like.
Trying to show or explain to a little person that nothing bad is actually happening and there is no reason to be afraid will actually increase his level of anxiety, since all he will understand is that they don’t believe him, and no one cares about his fears. His feelings and emotions still, due to his age, do not lend themselves to logic and reasonable explanations, and the fear will not go away. Instead, try to actively listen to your child while you show affection. For example, use physical contact: kissing or hugging, this will help calm his feelings. In general, if your child feels listened to, heard, protected, and the parent is available, his anxiety will disappear almost immediately and problem solving will be easier.
Trick #3: Give your child a “magic” calming object
Various studies show that it is possible to associate an object with a specific emotion. So if your little family member has a special stuffed toy or security blanket, for example, use it to your advantage and to relieve stress!
Recent research shows that sleeping with a stuffed animal helps children with night terrors. The same principle applies in many other situations of relieving any nightmare. If he's scared on the first day of school, why not let him take something with him that makes him happy? If the object is quite small, other children won't even know they have it.
This technique works even better if you choose a “defender” together; there can be several of them: one for each situation. Ask them to choose an item that will help them in times of anxiety. Thus, the child will be more involved in this process, and the effect will increase many times over.
How to cope with anxiety at the body level: square breathing
Having taken our lunch trays, we retired to a quiet corner of the dining room.
“First, you need to explain to your daughter that her body begins to malfunction when she is nervous,” I said. “That’s why she’s starting to choke.”
My colleague bowed her head, listening intently.
“Explain to her that the brain causes the heart and breathing to speed up so that she can cope with danger,” I explained. “Its job is to let the brain know that everything is okay. And it's completely doable.
- But how to do that? - asked a colleague.
- You know that psychologists advise breathing deeply to calm down? — I asked.
“Yes,” the friend nodded.
“This is a really effective method, but I have found that it works even better if the girl knows why it works,” I said.
I told my colleague that in an alarming situation, a signal is sent from the brain to the lungs about the need to speed up breathing. At the same time, the lungs send a signal back to the central nervous system for the brain to calm down. Signals from the respiratory system are especially important to the brain because if a person is suffocating, the brain must tell the body to panic. When we consciously slow down our breathing, the receptors in the lungs receive a “message” that everything is fine, and instantly send a return signal to the brain so that it calms down.
“Tell your daughter that she can use her breathing to trick her nervous system and calm herself down if thoughts of sleepovers start to scare her,” I suggested. — There is a lot of information on the Internet about various breathing techniques. My favorite is the “square breathing” technique.
I advised my colleague to teach her daughter this technique. To do this, you need to inhale slowly for three counts, hold your breath for three seconds, exhale slowly for three counts and pause, again for three seconds. The cycle should be repeated several times.
“It sounds simple,” my colleague admitted.
“That’s right,” I agreed. “And this practice is most effective when it has already been worked out.” When I talk about it to girls, I always give the example of tennis players who take dozens of shots to find the right rhythm. The breathing technique works the same way. The practice of “square breathing” is very simple, but it will work great if it becomes a habit. Then your daughter can use it at any time if she feels afraid.
Tips for parents
Here are some more psychological tips for comprehensive work with anxiety and fears in children:
The basis of everything will be work in these three areas:
1. Increased self-esteem:
- Call your child by name often and maintain eye contact when speaking.
- Increase the number of tactile contacts. Affectionate touches help restore trust in the world.
- Celebrate his successes often and preferably publicly (for example, at a family dinner). Remember that there is always a reason for praise. It is enough to notice the little things that your child does better than yesterday.
- Organize parties at home and invite your classmates to them. Even your presence in another room will have a beneficial effect on an anxious child. He will feel more confident than all alone at school, and this will gradually change the opinion of his peers about him. Believe me, this is extremely important for him, even if he doesn’t admit it.
- Practice heart-to-heart conversations. This should be the time when you completely belong to the child and listen to him with all your attention, without being distracted by the phone or other family members. The time when he can tell you everything that worries and excites him. Your undivided attention will show him how important his feelings and he are to you.
- Separate the child's actions from the child himself. Don't tell him that he is bad if he got a bad mark and offended his younger sister. Discuss and condemn the act itself: “ I love you, you are very good, but now you did something wrong
»
2. Teaching a child coping methods:
- Set an example of positive expectations for the future and demonstrate confident behavior.
- Teach him the methods listed in Chapter. 6
- Discuss learning and communication difficulties with your child, and jointly develop a strategy for moving towards success.
- Teach him breathing techniques and mindfulness
3. Relieve muscle tension:
- Create rituals, for example, every Saturday we dance,
- Give your child a massage before bed - it will also strengthen your relationship
- Play sports with him - it helps relieve tension and get rid of stress, and in addition, brings him closer together.
- Hug and kiss as much as possible - children (and adults, too) need tactile contact
What can parents of an anxious child do?
- First of all, control over yourself, your words and actions;
- Most importantly, there is no need to place excessive demands on the child;
- Create situations of success for him;
- Compare him only with himself yesterday;
- It is necessary to refuse words that humiliate the dignity of the child;
- There is no need to demand an apology from the child for this or that action; it is better to let him explain why he did it;
- It is useful to reduce the number of comments;
- Children should not be threatened with impossible punishments;
- Show more affection in your relationship with your child.
- Try using different techniques to relieve anxiety.
