When do you need a psychologist for a teenager and how to choose a competent specialist?

Adolescence is an important stage in the development of personality. Parents are not always able to cope with the difficulties that arise. Psychological assistance to adolescents provided by a specialist can become a decisive factor during adolescence.

How does adolescence manifest itself?

Transitional age (puberty) is the transition from childhood to adulthood. During this period, many changes occur: physical, emotional, sexual, social. Puberty begins at approximately 10–11 years for girls, 11–13 for boys.

It is impossible to predict how long puberty will last - it can last from 18 months to 5 years. This is influenced by genetics, nutrition, and social factors.

Signs of adolescence

Common to both sexes:

• oily skin, acne;
• oily hair that requires frequent washing;
• pubic and armpit hair begins to grow;
• increased sweating, noticeable unpleasant body odor;
• weight gain;
• a sharp growth spurt - 11–13 cm in 1 year. After the leap, height increases by about 1–2 cm per year. The head and hands may grow faster than the torso and limbs, but later the body becomes proportional.

Characteristic for girls:

• breasts begin to grow;
• the pelvis becomes rounded;
• the beginning of menstruation.

Characteristic for boys:

• the voice begins to “break”;
• the penis and testicles increase in size;
• wet dreams may begin - uncontrolled ejaculation during sleep.

Due to physical changes, for example, “breaking” of the voice, acne, weight gain, self-doubt arises, developing into hatred. Psychological help for teenagers is becoming necessary.

Coolest guy in class

A squat, strong figure, an expensive watch shining with gold from a kilometer away, he himself had just come from a barber shop. And for some reason I see in his place a teenager of about thirteen, who was considered the coolest in the class. He was the first to start smoking around the corner, and the kiosk sold him beer without asking for documents. And my classmates sighed and could not sleep, thinking about him. He stayed there - in this class, around the corner of the same school. Only with a watch and other personal belongings.

They are flying together, both about thirty, talking about their mother and business. Looks like brothers. And they opened a common business. The brother is a head taller, a couple of sizes slimmer, in a suit and also wearing an expensive watch, but the watch on him is not so conspicuous. Looks like some famous pianist.

I'm sitting in the waiting room, looking at my tablet. The one who recommended “Absolute” sits down next to him and takes a low-start position, leaning slightly forward. His brother sits next to him, both looking at their iPhones.

Someone in the waiting room unwraps the snack they had thoughtfully taken with them, carefully wrapped in several layers of cellophane. The delay of the flight to Berlin is announced over the loudspeaker. A curly-haired child loudly demands a lollipop from his grandmother. Someone stood frozen in concentration over the laptop screen.

This one with a gold watch opens his wrist so that the expensive accessory is guaranteed to be visible, and in a confident tone begins the second call: “Girl, what did you choose?” And then, in the midst of all this noise and hum, for some reason, for a moment there comes a ringing silence. And in this silence, the stern whisper of the “pianist” is suddenly clearly heard:

- Seryozha, how you hesitated me.

We laugh, casually introduce ourselves: to Moscow - not to Moscow, but we were in Rostov last week, etc. A casual conversation between two adults. Why two? Because the macho man with the curly beard sits like an offended teenager. And then he goes away to smoke altogether.

At this moment, pictures flash before my mind's eye of this tough nut at every airport, at every stop waiting for a taxi, at every break and at every coffee break, trying to get to know someone, and sometimes very successfully.

How these girls hope for the development of relationships in the standard way: candy, bouquets, a romantic trip, a proposal, a wedding dress, life together, children, a two-story house and a white fluffy dog. They call him. But he doesn’t answer. Because he already has the next airport and the next taxi stop. He is waiting for recognition: yes, Seryozha, you are the coolest.

According to his passport, Seryozha is about thirty years old. Only his psychological age for some reason stopped when he was smoking around the corner of the school. Why? Perhaps because he felt good there, he felt in demand and fulfilled. Psychologically he is still 13 years old. By the way, the grandmother who scolds her curly-haired grandson (“Kolya, calm down, what will people think of you?!”) is about the same age.

Parental behavior

The child becomes a person, therefore it is as a person that he should be treated:

• build trusting relationships with the child;
• give the right to make decisions independently;
• respect personal space;
• loosen control - not completely forget about him, but stop caring for him too much;
• be understanding and patient.

Without suppressing the development of his personality, his parents will help him grow into a healthy, happy adult.

The main difficulties of adolescence

• Angularity and clumsiness. Due to the gradual growth of the body (first the hands and feet grow, then the limbs and lastly the torso), many teenagers become clumsy and have complexes because of this.
• Frequent changes in mood and physical condition that occur in the body due to the growth of internal organs.
• Rapid excitability, the influence of emotions on spiritual life.
• Resentment, anger, irritation (especially among teenagers in difficult life situations).
• Tensed relationships with parents, avoidance of communication with them, giving preference to peers arise in cases where parents are not ready to treat a teenager as an independent adult, respecting his views and feelings.
• The emergence of the so-called teenage loneliness.

When should you contact a psychologist?

Parents are not always able to solve the problems of adolescence.

Important! Help from a psychologist for teenagers is not an “interrogation” with the goal of finding out all the secrets, but a way to help them survive adolescence.

Psychological help for adolescents is necessary if the following symptoms are present:

1. Depression. Signs of depression are:
   depression;
2. irritability;
3. isolation.
4. Self-destructive behavior - addiction to cigarettes, alcohol.
5. Problematic behavior - rudeness, frequent manifestations of aggression, mood swings.
6. Frequent conflicts with parents.
7. Difficulties in socializing with peers - bullying by classmates, lack of friends, rejection by society.

If psychological help for adolescents is not provided on time, the outcome will be disastrous. He may engage in self-harm (self-harm), attempt suicide, and may develop an eating disorder.

A teenage psychologist helps a teenager and family survive the teenage crisis:

• create new adult relationships
• accept responsibility and freedom
• promotes the child's psychological growth
• healthy development of the family as a whole

A timely consultation with a teenage psychologist will relieve unnecessary stress and anxiety of parents and the teenager himself, giving an understanding of the situation and the way out.
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Consultations with a teenage psychologist are available by appointment:

• in the area of ​​Krylatskoye and Kuntsevo (metro Molodezhnaya, metro Kuntsevskaya),
• next to Kutuzovsky Prospekt (Park Pobedy metro station, Bagrationovskaya metro station, Fili metro station),
• metro Marxistskaya, metro Taganskaya
• m. Krasnopresnenskaya, m. Barrikadnaya
• Odintsovo

Important topic: The problem of stress before exams and relieving tension after difficult tests. EXAM SUPPORT program for teenagers. The problem of stress before exams and stress relief after difficult tests.

A psychologist will help you prepare psychologically and pass exams with confidence. Graduates and applicants will be able to show their knowledge in exams and free themselves from interfering tension and anxiety.

How to choose a psychologist?

Psychological assistance to adolescents can only be provided by a qualified specialist. The signs of a trained adolescent psychologist are:

• number of advanced training courses completed;
• experience working with adolescents;
• opinions of familiar parents;
• positive reviews on the Internet;
• qualities that can help a child reveal his experiences - gender of the psychologist, age, approach to clients.

A suitable teenage psychologist can be found on specialized websites or on social networks. If you find a psychologist’s page on a social network, you can contact him directly and ask questions. For example, you can contact psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin on VKontakte. He consults clients in person and via Skype.

Consultations are scheduled during free time from school, and some teenage psychologists work on weekends, that is, psychological assistance to children and adolescents cannot negatively affect school performance.

It is important to remember that child and adolescent psychologists are different. Psychological assistance to adolescents is provided specifically by psychologists for adolescents.

Questions for a psychologist

To finally decide whether a psychologist is suitable for your child, you need to meet him in person and ask him a few questions:

1. “What experience do you have in solving teenage problems?”
2. “Describe how you will work with my child.”
3. “Will parents be involved in consultations?”
4. “How do you measure progress made in working with a teenager?”

Psychological assistance to parents of teenagers

In many cases, parents also need such help. It is not always possible to correctly accept the fact of children growing up. During adolescence, an active search for one’s place in the world begins. Antics at this age lead to loss of patience among adults and constant scandals. The authority of parents is lost. Concern for the guys, fear, a desire to warn against mistakes is a natural reaction. But sometimes conflicts lead to the child leaving home.

Parents cannot deny an unpleasant reality by adopting an ostrich attitude. In such situations, adults first need help. By joining forces with a psychologist, it becomes possible to correct the situation.

Recommendations for parents of teenagers

1. Interest and help. Parental support generates trusting relationships between children and parents and entails high self-esteem in adolescents, promotes academic success and moral development. Insufficient parental support, on the contrary, can lead to a child’s low self-esteem, poor academic performance, impulsive actions, poor social adaptation, unstable and antisocial behavior.

2. Parents' ability to listen, understand and empathize. The parents' inability to empathize, their lack of emotional sensitivity and understanding of the child's thoughts and feelings can lead to the development of indifference in the child. Respect for a teenager and communication between parents and him/her contribute to the establishment of harmonious relationships in the family.

3. Parental love and positive emotions in family relationships are associated with intimacy, affection, love, receptivity; family members show mutual interest and responsiveness. If negative emotions predominate in the family, then coldness, hostility, and rejection are observed, which can lead either to the predominance of the child’s need for love (in adulthood), or to the formation of isolation, coldness, and inability to express his love for loved ones, including to children.

4. Recognition and approval from parents.

5. Trust in the child. Mistrust of children usually indicates that parents are projecting their own fears, anxieties, or feelings of guilt onto them. Parents who are insecure (or who have experienced certain difficulties in the past) are more likely than others to fear for their children.

6. Treating the child as an independent and adult person. A teenager’s achievement of independence occurs in the process of individualization, when he is engaged in the formation of his own individuality and at the same time establishes new connections with his parents. The teenager tries to change his relationship with his parents, while trying to maintain the same communication, affection and trust. In order to demonstrate their own individuality, adolescents are guided by a different value system than their parents, they set themselves different goals, different interests and different points of view.

7. Guidance from parents. The most functional families are those where parents demonstrate flexibility, adaptability and tolerance in their attitudes and behavior. Parents who are not flexible in raising teenagers refuse to reconsider their views and change their point of view; they are intolerant, overly demanding, always critical and place unjustified expectations on children that are not appropriate for their age. This has a detrimental effect on the teenager’s self-esteem, suppresses the development of his personality, which ultimately leads to stressful situations in the relationship between parents and children.

8. Personal example of parents: the ability to set a good example for others to follow; follow the same principles that children are taught. Since the process of identification in adolescents partly takes place in the family, those of them who are proud of their parents, as a rule, feel quite comfortable in the world around them.

9. Collaboration with the college. If something worries you about your child’s behavior, try to meet and discuss it with the class teacher, educational psychologist, head of the educational department, and deputy director for educational work as soon as possible.

10. Be interested in who your child communicates with.

Remember: the main helpers of parents in difficult situations are patience, attention and understanding.

Conversation with a teenager in adult language

Parents often encounter the problem that in adolescence, children become more withdrawn, uncontrollable and deliberately contradict adults. This often occurs because parents are too worried about their children: their safety, or, for example, their academic performance. But children have already grown up and are learning to take responsibility for their decisions.

Teenagers would like to ask their parents for advice on how best to implement their own ideas and decisions. They want to communicate with their parents “as equals.” But often parents, worried about their children, try to control all the actions of teenagers. Children, counting on the help of their parents, are faced with many prohibitions and perceive this as mistrust. Therefore, it is necessary and very important to find the strength within yourself to recognize that your teenager has already grown up and is worthy of speaking to you in “adult language.”

Recommendations for parents

Of course, everything depends on the specific situation and the method of influencing a teenager must be selected individually. We offer several options:

• Create a non-standard situation when the teenager expects resistance and distrust on your part, and in return receives sincerity and help in resolving his issues.

• Support one of the teenager’s hobbies, show interest in hobbies and hobbies.

• Establish a family tradition where the family, getting together in the evening, shares the events that happened to each of them during the day.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers

• Appreciate your children's frankness and be sincerely interested in their problems.

• Communicate as equals; the tone of the order will not work in your favor. Make it clear that you understand them.

• You cannot make fun of them, ridicule feelings, belittling their significance. Try to treat your children with respect, remember their vulnerability and vulnerability.

• Don't be irritated or aggressive, be calm and restrained. Remember that your rudeness will cause them to react.

• Do not talk about the object of your child's passion in a dismissive, insulting tone, thereby you will humiliate him.

• In no case should you rudely and categorically break off relations between teenagers, because they are just learning to communicate with each other and most often do not even think about anything bad.

• Invite his (her) girlfriend (friend) to your place and get to know him - this will allow you to get an objective, more believable, and not unfounded, idea of ​​who your child is dating. It is better if you allow them to meet at your home so that they do not have to look for random and dubious dating shelters.

• Tell them about yourself, your story of first love - this will help you find mutual understanding with your child.

• If you are able to establish friendly relations with him, you will have the opportunity not only to control his behavior, but also to influence his actions.

• Remember that, on the one hand, a teenager is in dire need of parental help when faced with many problems, and on the other hand, he strives to protect his inner world of intimate experiences from unceremonious and rude intrusion, and he has every right to do so.

Tips for parents

1. Agree with the anxiety and displeasure. This is an age full of contradictions and anxiety. There is nothing abnormal in the fact that a teenager’s behavior is changeable and unpredictable, that he rushes from one extreme to another, loves his parents and hates them at the same time, etc.

2. Avoid trying to appear too understanding. Avoid statements such as “I understand exactly how you feel.” Teenagers are sure that they are unique, unique in their own way. Their feelings are something new and personal even for themselves. They see themselves as complex and mysterious beings, and they are genuinely upset when others make their experiences seem simple and naive.

3. Distinguish between consent and permission, tolerance and authorization. Parents can tolerate undesirable behavior of children (for example, a new hairstyle) - that is, actions that were not sanctioned or encouraged by parents.

4. Talk and act like an adult. Don't compete with your teenager by behaving like him using youth slang. Teenagers deliberately adopt a lifestyle that is different from that of their parents, and this is also part of the process of developing their personality. This is how their departure from their parents begins.

5. Be encouraging and supportive of your teen's strengths. Limit comments related to the bad aspects of the teenager's character. Reminders of shortcomings can greatly slow down communication between a teenager and a parent. The multi-step task of a parent is to create the kind of relationships and provide the adolescent with such life experiences that will strengthen character and create personality.

6. Avoid emphasizing weaknesses. When others discover character weaknesses, the teenager feels pain. And if the cause of this pain is the parents, then it does not go away longer.

7. Help your teenager think for himself. Don't increase your dependence on you. Speak in language that will help develop independence: “It’s your choice,” “Decide this issue yourself,” “You can be responsible for this,” “It’s your decision.” Parents should encourage their children to make their own decisions and teach them to doubt the correctness of the opinions of their peers.

8. Truth and compassion give birth to love. Take your time to clarify facts that you think have been distorted. Parents who are quick to punish will not teach you to respect the truth. Some parents are too quick to report exactly where, when and why they were right. Teenagers often respond to such statements with stubbornness and anger. Thus, sometimes the truth turns into a deadly weapon for family relationships if the only goal is to get to the bottom of the truth.

9. Respect the need for privacy and privacy. This principle requires some distance, which may seem impossible for some parents.

10. Avoid loud phrases and sermons. Try talking instead of lecturing. Avoid statements like “When I was your age...”, “It hurt me more than it hurt you...”.

11. Don't give labels. “You are stupid and lazy. You'll never achieve anything." This “hanging” leads to the fact that the prediction comes true by itself. After all, children tend to conform to what their parents think of them.

12. Avoid ambiguous statements. A parent's message to a teenager should contain one piece of information: a clear prohibition, friendly permission, or an open opportunity to make a choice.

13. Avoid extremes: giving complete freedom is as wrong as “tightening the screws.”

14. Keep your sense of humor.

Parents of teenagers should know that...

The following characterological reactions are typical for adolescents:

• The emancipation reaction manifests itself in the desire to free itself from the tutelage and control of elders. It can be expressed in a persistent desire to always and everywhere do things “one’s way”, in violation of the orders and rules established by elders. Overprotection from elders, petty control, and deprivation of minimal independence and freedom can contribute to the aggravation of this reaction.

• The reaction of opposition can be caused by excessive claims to the child, an unbearable load for him - the requirement to be an excellent student, to succeed in language classes, music, etc. But more often this reaction is a consequence of the loss or sharp decrease in the usual attention from loved ones. The manifestations of opposition reactions among adolescents are very diverse - from skipping classes and running away from home to suicide attempts, most often demonstrative. For this purpose, deliberate flaunting of alcoholism or drug use can be used. All these demonstrations seem to say: “Pay attention to me - otherwise I will disappear!”

• The compensation reaction is the desire to compensate for one’s weakness and failure in one area with success in another. A sickly, physically weak boy compensates for his weakness with excellent academic success, allowing him to gain authority among his peers. Conversely, difficulties in learning can be compensated for by “brave” behavior, leadership in behavior violations, and in the worst case, participation in asocial companies and committing crimes.

• Overcompensation reaction. Here they persistently and persistently achieve high results precisely in the area where they are weak. It is precisely because of overcompensation that shy and timid teenagers, when choosing sports, give preference to brute force - boxing, sambo, and a teenager who suffers from a stutter enthusiastically devotes himself to literary reading and performs at amateur concerts.

• Reaction of grouping with peers. Teenagers have a strong need for their own identity and belonging to a group. Teenagers do not yet have a clearly conscious “Image of Self” and often feel more secure among their own kind. The feeling of “I” is still difficult to isolate from “We” - teenagers become members of various informal organizations. The group becomes the main regulator of behavior for a teenager. This may explain the well-known fact that the vast majority of offenses among adolescents are committed in a group. There is a pattern: the younger the teenager’s age, the larger the group composition. As they grow older, the number of group members decreases. At the age of 16-18 years the group consists of 2-3 people.

Memo to parents of difficult-to-educate teenagers

• Approach the problem of a “difficult” child, first of all, from the perspective of understanding the difficulties of the child himself.

• Don't forget that the child is to some extent our reflection. Without understanding the reasons for his difficulty and eliminating them, we will not be able to help the child. Rise above your own problems to see your child's problems.

• Take a philosophical approach to difficulties in parenting. They always happen. You should not think that there are “easy” children. Raising a child is always difficult, even under the most optimal conditions and opportunities.

• Beware of panic and fatalism. They are bad parenting companions. Don’t get used to fanning the fire of trouble from the spark of every difficult situation. Don't judge your child poorly because of some bad deed. Do not turn failure in one task into complete failure for the child.

• Finally, be optimistic! (I have a difficult child, but I believe in his perspective; we have many problems, but I see them, and a correctly posed problem is already half solved).

Recommendations for parents of "difficult" teenagers"

• Praise your child for good behavior in the same way that you point out mistakes and negative behavior. Encouragement will reinforce in his mind the idea of ​​correct action.

• Try to praise your child for any change for the better in his behavior, even if it is very minor.

• Remember that by using praise more often, you help your child develop self-confidence.

• Try to teach your child how to correct a wrong behavior. Talk to your child in a tone of respect and cooperation.

• Involve your child in the decision-making process.

• Remember that you are a model of correct behavior for your child.

• You cannot expect a child to do something that he cannot do.

• Refrain from statements that the child is not suitable for anything, from rudeness in the style of “scoundrel, clueless.” Evaluate the act itself, not the person who committed it.

• Take every opportunity to show your child your love.

• Listen to your child and try to understand his point of view, you don’t have to agree with him, but thanks to the attention you showed him, he feels like a full and worthy participant in events.

Remember that the child is more willing to obey the rules in the establishment of which he took part.

"Difficult teenager." What should parents do?

To avoid leading your relationship with your teenager to a dead end, pay attention to the following tips:

• Notice even minor changes in the teenager’s behavior, since at first antisocial behavior appears sporadically, situationally. Later, deviations occur more often, positive qualities cease to dominate, but remain. And finally, antisocial behavior becomes a habit.

• Do not abuse punishments and prohibitions. Find the reason or reasons for the teenager's behavior. Remember that your child needs an individual approach.

• Speak to your child, avoiding harsh language. Talk to him, explain, but don’t put conditions on him, don’t immediately demand ideal behavior. Introduce comprehensive changes to the teenager’s daily routine, society, and leisure time.

• It is necessary to find the strengths or, better to say, qualities of a teenager and use them correctly, develop them, giving him feasible tasks.

• Strengthen your teenager's cognitive interest. Involve your son or daughter in different activities, but keep the situation under constant control.

• You need to believe in the child - this is the main thing! It is of great importance for a difficult teenager to experience happiness and joy from success. This is the greatest incentive for self-improvement.

What should NOT be done with a teenager?

• Do not allow your teenager to disrespect you or be rude towards him.

• Do not demand immediate and blind obedience, do not use threats or humiliate children.

• Do not start conversations with accusations and do not interrupt when the child explains his actions.

• Don't bribe your teenager or force him to promise not to do something you don't like.

• Do not deviate from the rules and traditions introduced in the family, except in unusual cases.

• Do not be jealous of your son or daughter’s friends, welcome them into your home and try to get to know each other better.

• Don’t give a negative assessment to the object of your teenager’s attention, even if you don’t like the choice.

Problems of teenagers at school

Let's not spend too much time analyzing our education system. Let's just say that it also has its imperfections. Its main position is to develop what does not exist. If a boy does not understand mathematics, but is an excellent student in physical education, the teachers will certainly recommend that he be assigned to solve linear equations. And everything is fine with physical education - why develop it further? And if he didn’t sit down to solve them, it’s time to turn on the shame mechanism. We call the parents and let’s reprimand them – absenteeism, bad grades, behavior. In such a situation, any good parent will join the teachers’ position, and maybe even take the belt.

When solving teenagers' problems at school, choose wisely which side you're on. Remember that a child is a person with his own characteristics and desires. Every person has the ability to do something, does something well, but is not able to do something. There are no universal people; it is impossible to be an expert in everything. It is clear that good grades are needed to enter college and become a person. But when choosing the right life for our child, we often forget that a child is not property or raw material for the production of a “super-person”. Family is given to a person for support, not manipulation. Therefore, every time you hear something about your son or daughter, do not rush to conclusions and punishment. Teachers come into our lives for 10 years and leave, but your relationship will remain...