How to tell your husband about a divorce: advice from a psychologist on how to decide to get a divorce if you have children and forget your husband after a divorce

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Published: 10/23/2016

Reading time: 6 min

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It is not so easy to make a decision about divorce. The most difficult thing is to have a serious conversation with your husband or wife. After all, it is not so easy to predict the reaction of even a balanced person to such news.

And if he turns out to be against divorce, then a scandal cannot be avoided. So how can you tell your significant other about your divorce so that you can remain on good terms in the future?

Talking with your husband about divorce and preparing for it
Talking with your wife about divorce and preparing for it
We remain on good terms
Important conversation with parents

Find the right moment

In any situation, you must remain calm and take care of your personal safety. Men are different, the reaction to such a statement can be completely unpredictable. A woman should remember this and think everything through carefully.

So how can you tell your husband about divorce? You should not start this conversation when your husband is in a bad mood or angry. All the nerves can break down on a woman. It is better to choose a moment when there is a calm atmosphere in the house. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings or desires. But in any case, each man needs an individual approach. Any woman can find one like this. If it’s hard for her to talk about it, tears come to her eyes, her heart contracts with pain and resentment, then it’s better to postpone the conversation. Otherwise, the husband will not take such a statement seriously. First, you need to let go of the current situation, realize it, make the right decision and follow it.

The material aspect influences fate

Many couples cannot divorce, although they themselves want to because of the financial side. Women are usually the ones who are dependent. In this case, you need to immediately find out about your rights to housing. According to the family code, everything acquired during marriage is divided in half.

If you have children, you will need to apply for child support.

Important! To avoid problems during divorce, you need to get married with a prenuptial agreement. Then there will be no difficulties in court.

As for children, their rights can be protected by agreement. Here you can write down every worrying question regarding money, educational issues, and how much time you can spend with the children. If you have it certified by a notary office, it will be more useful.

The conversation that has taken place will lead to the need to plan further actions in order to begin the divorce process. This is a very difficult period, but as a result there will be no difficulties that forced you to get a divorce.

Maybe divorce can be avoided

Before you start talking about divorce, you need to think carefully. Perhaps you need to leave for a while and be alone with yourself. In some situations, the problem is resolved peacefully and then the couple does without divorce.

After all, then you will have to separate forever and destroy your family. Some women like to be unhappy, but not alone. Because of their panic fear, they have to live in constant humiliation, poverty and beatings.

If children are stopping you from getting a divorce, then you need to think about what environment is best for children to grow up in: a calm one or a violent one? Statistics show that children whose children were raised in a single-parent family grow up to be more promising and successful than those whose parents spent their entire lives working not on children, but on sorting out relationships.

If you still decide to take this step, then there is no need to shed tears. Usually in a conflict, the blame lies with both. Do not involve your child in this situation under any circumstances. He should not feel emotional tension in the family. Children under such circumstances begin to deteriorate, especially teenagers. They have a hard time dealing with their parents’ divorce, as well as the parents’ decision about who the child will stay with.

Some spouses threaten each other with divorce all their lives and still live together. This means their situation is not so critical. Otherwise, trial still cannot be avoided. It happens that both parties agree to divorce. Then the divorce process may only be delayed for several months.

How can I tell my husband that I’m getting a divorce so that he immediately agrees? You need to do this calmly, little by little convey to him that he can live in a calm environment, without his wife’s hysterics. It’s better to break up right away than to drag it all out and suffer. In addition, the paperwork must be completed by the party that started it all.

To obtain your spouse's consent, you must say the following:

divorce will still happen no matter what happens;
It’s better to do it right away and build new relationships faster;
you need to tell more about the divorce process;
do the paperwork yourself.

Preliminary preparation of the spouse will be required

Usually, when someone in the family wants to get a divorce, the atmosphere in the house changes. There is no longer the same ardor in relationships that was there before. The spouses treat each other coldly, but do not talk about their plans.

There are different ways to check your ex-other half's readiness for divorce.

You can start a conversation with the stories of your friends and girlfriends. It should be noted that they lived poorly and they were unable to avoid the trial. In the end, it must be emphasized that after they divorced, they became happy. At the beginning everything was scary, but then it became good.

During the story, you need to look at how the husband will react to the story. If he starts raising his voice and shouting, it means it’s too early to talk to him about divorce. Silence suggests that he guesses what's going on.

Advice from a modern psychologist on how to tell your husband about an impending divorce:

You need to be tactful. It will take a long time to talk, so you shouldn’t start with your decision right away. You need to sit down and in a calm atmosphere, without rushing anywhere, start a conversation. Do this before the weekend, because your spouse will not be able to immediately recover and go to work.
Much depends on the choice of location. To talk to a hot-tempered and aggressive man, you need to be in a room where there are a lot of people. These could be friends or relatives. A restaurant or cafe is not suitable for this, because strangers will not stop the scandal.
An offended person gains courage to do things that he has not done before.
Under no circumstances should you start a showdown while near children. It is recommended to immediately prepare for various questions.
You should speak directly about your plans so that your husband does not hope that the relationship can be resumed.
There is no need to look for those to blame. Everyone in this situation is wrong in some way. When explaining the reasons, you need to address each other in a respectful tone.
Start collecting documents before your spouse finds out about your intention. If he hides them, the matter will drag on.
If you have financial dependence, you need to have money in reserve and find housing so that you can safely leave your husband.
If there are children, then you need to try to explain to your spouse that they will not get away from him and when he wants, he will be able to see them.
You need to get ready right away. Before the conversation has yet taken place, you need to already have a packed suitcase with things and valuables, just in case.
An angry husband must calm down himself. If a woman starts to calm him down, he may think that he can measure himself again.
It is impossible to talk about property and debts yet. Let a little time pass, otherwise the husband, in a fit of anger, will begin to take revenge.
Stay calm. Forget about sorting things out, there’s nothing left to sort out and express insults about. Your spouse may want to scream, you need to listen to him silently or step aside until he calms down.
Nobody should interfere. The relationship between a man and a woman concerns only the two of them. No advice from your mother-in-law or mother-in-law will help here. You should also not tell your spouse about your relationship with another man.

A psychologist is often asked: “How can I tell my husband that I’m leaving for someone else?” What can be said about this issue? Under no circumstances should you tell him about another man! Many women make the following mistakes during the divorce process:

They continue to have an intimate life with their spouse. When a woman allows her husband to do this, she can seriously hurt him, because it may seem to him that life is getting better.
Shedding tears. If he’s standing next to you, then it’s better to forget about it altogether. Don't show your weakness. Nothing good will come from pity.
Screaming in a hysterical tone. What's the use of accusations if the blame lies with both.
Talk about poor health. People often get divorced due to dissatisfaction with their sex life. You can't discuss your husband's potency.
Think about revenge. It doesn't matter what led to the discord. Don’t start taking revenge even if it’s unpleasant for you to hear about the reason why you need to get a divorce. Still, there was a time when you loved each other and supported each other in everything.
Do surveillance. Divorced spouses should no longer care about everyone’s personal life. It is already stupid to conduct surveillance and create scandals in this situation.
Immediately say that you fell in love with another man and go on a date. It takes a little time after the divorce process. You shouldn't show off your connections to everyone.
Tell everyone about how bad he is. Acquaintances, friends, relatives should not know about your personal relationships. Regardless of why you decide to prepare for a divorce from your husband, there is no need to shame him.

If it was not possible to save the marriage, the advice of a psychologist will help you get out of this situation without sacrifice.

As you can see, the divorce process can be very difficult. Not everyone manages to remain the same as they were before after a divorce. Some people become drunkards and lose everything. Others find new partners and successfully arrange their lives.

Decide everything during one conversation

Psychological preparation is very important in such a situation. But most often people understand everything themselves. Honesty is the most necessary thing in such a situation. This is always appreciated. No matter how hard it is for a person, one must tell the truth and talk frankly. If such a conversation has already begun, it is advisable to dot all the i’s in it so as not to raise this topic again.

Women often ask the question: how to tell your husband about divorce? But in reality, only they know the correct answer. It doesn’t matter how long the marriage lasted, for a certain period of time people were very close, once they decided to legitimize their relationship. Therefore, they know each other’s character very well and can choose the right approach and moment for such a conversation. If it is too difficult to do this mentally, you should not add courage with the help of alcohol. This doesn't suit a woman at all. Especially if she easily turns into a drunken hysteric, which her husband is unlikely to take seriously.

Choose the right call time

A poorly chosen conversation time can affect the outcome of the conversation. All advice from psychologists can be divided into two main groups, depending on the goal:

If you are thinking about how to make the conversation comfortable for your spouse, then start the conversation when there are no additional difficulties in his life. Health or work problems are serious reasons to postpone discussion of a decision you have made, which could injure your partner.

Start the conversation on Saturday or Sunday - this will give you more time to discuss details. The husband will have time to get used to the new state of affairs and come to his senses before the start of the work week.

If personal peace comes first, then start the conversation in a public place - a café is a good choice, the atmosphere of which is relaxing and puts you in a peaceful mood. Showing open emotions in public is much more difficult than at home, where you can insult your spouse or even raise your hand to her in a fit of rage.

The ideal time in this case is a lunch break on a weekday.

It is impossible to sort things out in front of children, so as not to cause them psychological trauma. It is better to tell the kids after making a decision, having prepared together with your spouse and having previously discussed all the details with him.

Tips on how to tell your child about divorce.

Calm

You can replace alcohol with an ordinary sedative. In any case, it won't hurt. How to tell your husband about divorce? Before starting a conversation, you need to subtly hint to your spouse what will be discussed. It’s better to plan everything in advance and gradually prepare the man. Under no circumstances should you shout or raise your voice.

Calmness is the key to a successful conversation. You also can’t answer a scream with a shout. A woman must hold on and control herself. If the husband reacted to such a statement emotionally and with a cry, then one can understand him. This indicates that he cares about the woman.

How to behave to get a divorce

No matter how you behave, sooner or later you will be scammed. If one of the spouses does not agree to divorce or there are minor children, there is no agreement on the division of jointly acquired property, then the divorce takes place in court.

If both agree to dissolve the marriage, then through the registry office. Without giving consent to divorce, the only thing the spouse will achieve is to delay the legal process for at least three months.

In order to obtain consent, try to convey to your spouse:

you are getting divorced and there is no turning back;
the sooner you part, the sooner you will start a new life and find your happiness;
talk about how the divorce process is going and take care of the paperwork.

Don't remember the past!

It is not recommended for the wife to make claims, remember grievances from the past, reproach or condemn the man. This is useless and will cause a scandal. If a woman has made such a decision, she must follow through with dignity. Let a man scream and be hysterical - this only shows his entire personality. You should not follow such provocations. In this way it will not be possible to find a compromise and achieve an effective solution or even understanding.

An excellent option is to invite your husband to remain friends if it is very difficult for him to make the decision to divorce. Of course, it is not necessary to stick to this promise, but ex-spouses are not strangers. We definitely need to respect each other. Although this is a personal matter for each person. Marriages don't just break up. One way or another, this is the fault of two people. The very last thing to do is to make any demands and reproach them for unfulfilled hopes. It is helpful for people to remember that their personal hopes have nothing to do with the character or behavior of other people.

Cons after divorce

Divorce is, to put it mildly, an unpleasant process. Often these are unfulfilled expectations, collapsed dreams, betrayal. Being in an unhappy marriage, many couples think only about the immediate benefits that await them after a divorce, without considering the downsides. Sometimes wives dream of separation, but do not know how to tell their husbands about the divorce.

One of the main disadvantages of divorce is the impact on children. Who will they end up with? In what format will further communication take place? Parental separation can cause enormous psychological trauma. Finding the right approach in such a situation and explaining to children that this is not their fault, that mom and dad have not stopped loving them, can be extremely difficult.

Divorce entails division of property. Dividing “common property” is always difficult, especially if the parties do not want to give in to each other, and heated disputes take place over literally every item.

READ How to return your wife to the family if she filed for divorce: advice from a psychologist

When entering family life, a woman sacrifices her professional career. When a baby is born, the only job of a young mother is to care for and raise him. After parting with a spouse, many worries, including financial ones, fall on fragile women’s shoulders. How to provide for yourself and your child? It’s good if the ex-husband is decent and will regularly pay alimony.

Relationships collapse, but emotional and psychological attachment to family and spouse remains. There may be a feeling of uselessness and depression. It seems that life has collapsed. How to fill the emptiness and loneliness? To understand yourself, you will need time and support from loved ones.

The spouse will take everything calmly

How to tell your husband about divorce? The tips given in the article will help you do this as correctly as possible. The husband will accept such information calmly in two cases:

1. If the woman is absolutely indifferent to him and he does not have any feelings for her.

2. When a man demonstrates a strong character and wisdom.

If a husband respects himself and his wife, he will accept such news as peacefully as possible. But do not forget that this is only the beginning of the process. Ahead lies a court hearing, division of property and other not the most pleasant formal moments. It is especially difficult when there are minor children. This is a real blow for them. But there's nothing you can do about it.

What else is worth paying attention to?

Divorce is a complex process that is not easy, primarily in moral terms. Advice from a psychologist on how to tell your wife about a divorce is one thing, but there are many more nuances that should also be taken into account:

Divorce is no joke; you should not use the threat of divorce to get some kind of behavior you want from your spouse. Don't teeter on the edge, it could end up working against you.
Telling your wife about divorce if you have a child is more difficult. But you shouldn’t ignore children either; they deserve an explanation too. It is important for them to know: no one is to blame for what happened, especially themselves. We need to prove to them that the attitude of both parents towards their children will not change in any way.
Telling your wife about a divorce that you fell in love with another is a big blow for a woman, so never resort to blackmail and threats. A man must do everything to resolve the issue peacefully. Threats will only make matters worse and will not make anyone better.
Also, excessive aggression can lead to the fact that a divorce will have to be obtained unilaterally, and this is much more difficult. Therefore, try to make your spouse meet you halfway.

Do not tolerate humiliation and insults from your spouse. If she begins to cross all boundaries, it is better not to even try to waste time on any explanations.

Other important issues

By the way, it’s not for nothing that a woman should think through everything in advance. The division of property often becomes a reason for reproaches and scandals. Especially in the courtroom. To avoid such troubles, a woman must determine what exactly she needs. This should not be a reason for a quarrel. How to tell your husband about divorce? There is definitely no need to start the conversation with financial issues. Especially if your husband has problems at work.

It’s hard to say that you need to wait for a calm situation to have this conversation. After all, it very rarely occurs when there is a good relationship between spouses. Most often, such a need appears at a time of financial crisis in the family, other everyday problems, long-term quarrels and scandals. As cruel as it may sound, young families often divorce after having children. Especially often the initiative comes from young people. Sometimes men are simply unprepared for family life and children. The woman ends up having to do everything herself. This in turn leads to hatred.

Test: Should you leave your family?

It is difficult to independently set priorities and sum up the morally pressing factors without errors, but we have prepared a test with which a man will be able to determine whether a breakup is really necessary or whether it will still be possible to normalize the relationship. To ensure an objective result, we recommend giving honest answers.

1. Who initiates the creation of a family, in your opinion?

2. Is he trying to dominate you in the family?

3. Do disputes often arise between you?

4. Do you think your wife listens to you to improve the overall relationship?

5. Was there any betrayal on her part?

6. Have there been any betrayals on your part?

7. Do you often catch yourself thinking that life could have turned out differently if you had met your wife?

8. Is your wife often jealous for no reason?

9. Do you have a child together with your wife?

10. Do you feel that your wife does not agree with you?

If you have any questions on the topic “wife threatens divorce,” you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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How to tell your parents?

No less problematic is the question: how to tell your parents about divorcing your husband? In most cases, spouses live separately from them. Those, in turn, may not even be aware of problems or difficulties in their relationship. Therefore, the communication of such information should be approached no less delicately. After all, parents perceive this painfully and take care of even an adult child. They themselves can advise how to tell your husband about divorce. In addition, they will listen and support. But maybe everything is completely different. Parents may also react differently to such information.

The most important thing is to make it clear what reason led to such an end to the married life. Parents are always wiser and can help save their children's marriage. After all, destroying and finishing everything is as easy as shelling pears. But looking for a compromise, an alternative solution, supporting each other and understanding is quite difficult. Everything depends only on the husband and wife. What they put into their relationship is what they get out.

Myths about divorce and marriage

There are a number of beliefs that are not based on anything. It is worth knowing them, both when deciding on marriage and divorce.

The next marriage will be stronger . Many people believe that they won’t make the same mistake a second time, and that when choosing their next life partner they will take this more seriously. This doesn’t always work out this way, because people on a subconscious level choose their type according to certain criteria.
After a divorce, the financial situation of the weaker sex is worse than that of the stronger. This only happens in cases where the spouse plays the role of a housewife. After all, in other cases, women have extra money that they spend on themselves. But men, when freedom appears, have a need for entertainment, which costs a lot of money.
The first year is the hardest. However, according to surveys conducted, the most difficult period for married couples should be considered from 5 to 12 years. It is during this period that most divorces occur.
Late marriages are stronger. Many people believe that having walked around and gained experience, people choose their life partner more carefully, but over the years it becomes more difficult for a person to accept the habits of their other half.
After a divorce you feel lonely. People experience this period differently. It is not uncommon for men to begin to lead an immoral lifestyle, which often leads to alcoholism. While women begin to lead an active lifestyle, which they could not do before, spending more time with their friends.

How to prepare for a conversation with your wife

The conversation will not be easy. Breaking off a relationship, even if it has already ended, is difficult. Therefore, everything should be thought through carefully.

You need to firmly decide for yourself whether a divorce is really necessary. Think about the reasons and say them out loud. What is said should sound confident, which means you need to be firmly convinced of the necessity of such an act.

You should not talk about your decision. It will be much worse if the wife finds out about this from strangers - and this will definitely happen if she spills the beans to someone.