Long holidays, when parents don’t go to work and kids don’t go to kindergarten, often become a serious test for families. A child deprived of the usual daily rhythm can be so uncontrollable that parents begin to doubt: is everything okay with him? Is it possible to call a two-year-old fidget hyperactive?
What does a hyperactive child look like?
Some children who are about to turn 2 years old can hardly be called hyperactive. Sometimes it seems that nothing can put an end to this, tension in the family increases, parents simply go crazy. Here is a description of a hyperactive child. Did you recognize one of your own in him?
Paul is sleeping, and the house is quiet and calm. Alas, this does not last long, since Paul is an early bird: he rarely stays in bed after 7 am. This is where the fun begins. Paul jumps on the bed, throws toys and screams with all his might. He is dying of hunger. And off we go!..
During breakfast, as soon as mom turns away, he turns over a glass of orange juice, followed by a plate of porridge. He refuses to bathe, you need to call him ten times before he deigns to return. His parents feel like he's ignoring them, and you have to scream all the time if you want to get his attention. After they managed to bathe him with grief, he refuses to get dressed...
He turns the most ordinary procedures - feeding, dressing, going to the store, bathing, walking, going to bed - into a real problem, a test for all family members. But the day has just begun.
Paul's games with his peers often end in fighting, crying and biting. As soon as he is denied something or his activity is interrupted, he flies into a rage, rolls on the ground and does something incredible; it all ends with the parents giving up, fearing that he might harm himself. He doesn't listen to his teachers, and he doesn't seem to understand what they're telling him. No matter how much you punish him, it will do no good!
After dinner, which Paul did not even touch, the endless ritual of going to bed begins. He calls his parents or gets out of bed ten times, and the day often ends in hysterics.
There are, of course, moments when Paul becomes an obedient boy, full of enthusiasm and fun, causing universal affection. I would like to hope that this will always be the case now, but in reality it will not be enough for a long time.
How long does the crisis last?
The crisis in children 5 years old can last for different periods. Everything is individual for each baby. It often lasts from several weeks to a month or even a year.
Some parents do not notice the onset of a crisis, since it passes quite easily. Others literally don't know what to do. No matter how difficult it is for parents to communicate with their baby, it is important not to panic, but to strictly follow the recommendations of specialists. Then the period of crisis will pass quite easily.
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Do you recognize your baby?
Do you think I'm exaggerating? So much the better: it means your child is not acting that way. If Paul is simply unbearable, then many children his age are characterized by certain character traits that make life with them very difficult. If you find at least some similarity with your case, then know: nothing is irreversible. There are effective ways to teach your child to obey in order to make family life calmer. You will have to look at the situation from the outside to understand how things really are.
Childhood hyperreactivity syndrome has been very well studied. Among the characteristic symptoms is also attention disorder. However, many two-year-olds who are amazingly active and constantly switching from one activity to another are not actually susceptible to hyperreactivity as such.
If in doubt, contact a child psychologist who will advise you on which parenting strategy to choose. Let's make a reservation right away: difficulties in the learning process are in no way related to the level of mental development of the child. These are just the adverse effects of problems with concentration, which can be overcome with the help of special exercises.
Specifics of the transitional age of a junior schoolchild
During a crisis period, the child behaves in a mannered, feigned manner
Throughout life, a person experiences five crises:
- at 1 year (occurs due to adults’ misunderstanding of words, facial expressions and gestures);
- at 3 years old (conflict of identifying one’s “I” in relationships with adults who do not always accept the child’s desire to be independent);
- at the age of 7 (occurs against the background of the beginning of a new stage of socialization - entering first grade and realizing oneself as an individual);
- at the age of 17 (due to the need to self-determinate after a carefree and familiar school life);
- at 30 years old (associated with summing up intermediate results of life, analyzing achievements and defeats).
Each of these periods deserves the attention and participation of loved ones, but at the age of seven this is especially important. According to psychologists, a child’s social “I” is born at the age of 6–7 years. Therefore, the baby will have to build new relationships with new people: classmates, teachers. And now he needs to receive the positive assessment of his actions that he needs, not only from loving family members, but also from strangers.
Three characteristic features
- The child behaves very actively, constantly moves, as if he never gets tired; and eventually gets overexcited and loses control. He keeps jumping from one activity to another, and he seems unable to obey or simply remain calm in one place for even a few minutes. Staying focused on a single task—like looking at a picture book—is too much for him.
- At the same time, he cannot stand it when you try to tear him away from something or take something away from him: he wants to decide for himself what he will do. He does not tolerate coercion, which makes it almost impossible to adhere to the daily routine: going to bed, as well as eating, turns into a real fight. Problems with eating and sleeping in such a child are far from uncommon.
- And such children are also very sensitive. They react sharply to any change in the surrounding atmosphere: they become stubborn, become overexcited, or suddenly throw a tantrum. Some slept poorly and cried a lot as babies. According to statistics from American researchers, such character traits are found on average four times less often in girls than in boys.
Raising a 2-year-old is not easy: keeping yourself in control all the time, not being nervous, doing many things at the same time... and not blaming yourself for anything. So you should never be afraid to talk about it or even ask for help.
Signs of crisis in children 5 years old
How can you determine that a child is in crisis? Take a closer look at his behavior. The main signs include the following manifestations:
- the child becomes nervous, irritable and angry;
- he begins to cry and be capricious if he does not get what he wants;
- the child withdraws and does not want to talk to his parents;
- he experiences fear of new situations.
Children begin to assert their independence. They want to behave like adults, and they wonder why this cannot be done.
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I can't cope
Living with a child like the one described above is very difficult: this affects both his brothers and sisters and his parents; However, the first person to suffer is the mother, who always finds herself at the epicenter of a raging hurricane. The child constantly plays on her nerves, but she dreams of calmly hugging the baby and expects understanding and participation from him. In fact, she has to spend all her free time on prohibitions and reprimands. She can’t make him obey, and the strength of his persistence squeezes all the juice out of her.
This is how a feeling of guilt arises: “I can’t cope with it,” the mother thinks. “Other children don’t behave like that...” Then anger appears: “Yes, he’s deliberately pissing me off. Provokes me at every opportunity." There are often cases when other family problems add fuel to the fire, heating the situation to the limit and leaving no stone unturned for patience and goodwill.
Let's consider the reasons
The reasons for children's uncontrollability are different:
- Congenital developmental features (psychophysiological). Experts most often point to hyperkinetic syndrome, which is expressed in excessive involuntary movements. This pathology manifests itself in the form of behavioral disorders. Unfortunately, in such cases, parents do not always rush to see a doctor, although in this case treatment is simply necessary.
- Age crisis. If you notice that a child regularly throws toys around, does not listen at all, and reacts to comments with hysterics, then most likely the reason for his uncontrollability is age-related crises (from one to three years, six to seven years, adolescence). Age-related crises occur in all normal children. Reacting to events in his life with hysterics and whims (at a younger age), stubbornness and laziness (at an older age), the child grows and learns about the world, discovering a new understanding of it, realizing the limits of permissibility. During these periods, parents just need to be more attentive to their children.
- Unhappy child. Internal troubles can cause a child to become uncontrollable. In this case, the child’s behavior, which is difficult to control, is the child’s cry for help. By his behavior, the little rebel demonstrates to adults that he has problems.
- Misbehavior of parents. Parents who do not have enough pedagogical knowledge and experience may behave incorrectly towards a rebellious child: provoke him, encourage whims, etc. A child is not born bad. He simply behaves as his parents allow him to. The child’s behavior is affected by whether we allow or prohibit, allow or restrict, whether we are attentive to him or indifferent.
“This may be useful. Parents’ confidence in their actions and consistency in their demands on the child, a clear idea of what is possible and what is not, is the key to obedience and adequate behavior.”
Most often, it is the pedagogical illiteracy of parents, their reluctance to devote time to raising a child, that underlies children's uncontrollability.
Try to figure it out
The situation needs to be analyzed. Here are questions to ask yourself.
- Who is responsible for the general atmosphere in the family? Who is the head in this house? Is it good or bad?
- What elements of a child's behavior are unacceptable? And which ones you can ignore, you can’t fight on all fronts? Do both parents agree on this?
- What child behavior turns you on? Try taking three deep breaths in and out before you start screaming. Maybe find a more suitable or more effective course of action?
- In what situations does everything turn into drama? Can you avoid them for a while? For example, should we stop taking our child with us to the store or should we all eat together at the same table?
- Does your child behave more appropriately when he is with other adults rather than with you? If so, what are they doing differently?
- What levers could you use to control your baby, in addition to those that you currently use and which, apparently, have shown themselves to be ineffective?
- What plan of action, different from what you have, could you come up with after discussing it with your partner to improve the situation?
Parental behavior patterns
“Did you know that there are no uncontrollable children, but there are parents who cannot cope with their child?”
When the baby grows up, he begins to fight for attention to himself, for self-affirmation. Most often this occurs in the form of various protests against guardianship and supervision, demands, strictness or, conversely, indifference of parents. These patterns of parental behavior only stimulate children's disobedience and develop their capriciousness.
One of the most common reasons for a child’s uncontrollable and demonstrative behavior is insufficient attention from parents. The fact that parents do not pay attention to the child or do not spend enough time with him can encourage him to behave inappropriately. There is nothing worse for children than indifference. So they try to attract attention to themselves.
Problems arise in families where mom and dad are inconsistent in their demands: they don’t keep promises; today they allow, and tomorrow they allow; dad says one thing, mom says the exact opposite, and grandma says the third. A child from such a family will easily manipulate adults, staging entire performances. Parents must agree on a common upbringing tactic, decide what is allowed for the child and what is not, and outline the boundaries of what is allowed.
"Advice. An adult must remember that he is the main initiator of building a relationship with a child.”
