How to meet a girl if you are modest and shy - expert advice

Don't be hard on yourself

To begin with, I would like to emphasize that shyness is a natural trait inherent in all people. Many of us are afraid to communicate with strangers. It’s just that in some people it manifests itself to a greater extent, and in others to a lesser extent. There is no need to perceive shyness as a disease and feel like an outcast because of it.

This, of course, does not mean that you can give up, go with the flow and justify all your failures with such a character trait. Constant work on yourself and practice of communication will definitely help in the process of your transformation from a shy silent person into a liberated guy.

In order for this process to end with a confident victory, remember the following:

Self-doubt is common to many people; there is nothing wrong with it. Moreover, some girls like modest guys even more than their confident friends.

If you did something stupid because you were shy, don't dwell on what happened. Most likely, everyone has already forgotten about what happened, and for you such memories will become an additional obstacle in working on yourself.

When you start a conversation with a stranger, take it as your small feat. You are great, even if it is a conversation with an old lady in line at the checkout.

Effective techniques

Why is a guy shy about the girl he likes? When a girl is pretty, a young man changes before his eyes; he tends to think about his every action and word in order to look as attractive as possible to the object of interest.

Let's consider techniques that will help get rid of shyness in communicating with the opposite sex:

1. Start a conversation with girls in the service industry. For example, talk to the waitress. Moreover, it is necessary not to order your favorite dish, but on an abstract topic. People in the service industry are required to be polite and tactful, so dialogue with such a person will give you a little confidence.
2. Change of image. You should update your wardrobe and buy a few fashionable things. This way, you can change your appearance for the better and give yourself a special sense of style and importance.
3. Give compliments to strangers. This will teach you to quickly find advantages in a woman’s appearance and express your admiration.
4. To start a conversation with a girl, you need to compliment her while passing by. This task will not be difficult to complete if the previous point has been worked out. Having won over the girl with the help of pleasant statements addressed to her, it will subsequently be easy to start a dialogue with her.
5. Try to communicate more with strangers. It doesn't matter what gender they are. The fact is that the main task is to combat shyness. And this technique will help in the future to quickly overcome the barrier of timidity.
6. Don't act macho. Most girls won't appreciate this. Don't lie to her that you were passing by the gym and decided to approach her to chat until it was time for training. It’s better to answer honestly that you liked her and would like to meet her.
7. An effective experiment. Take a notepad and pen, then walk the streets of your city. Under the guise of a sociological survey, ask questions to unfamiliar girls passing by. This is a great technique for combating shyness. And as a bonus, learn how to flirt with the opposite sex.

The main thing is practice

Some girls are attracted to shy guys, but what if you are unlucky and the girl of your dreams is in no hurry to get to know you, and you are afraid to call or write to her?

If you have a friend you trust and feel comfortable with, then ask him for a favor and practice your dating skills. From the outside, flaws are usually more visible, so together it will be easier for you to identify and correct them.

What you should pay attention to during such exercises:

• try to maintain eye contact with the interlocutor: it should look as natural as possible;
• choose a pose that reflects your confidence: no slouched back or crossed legs;
• learn to start a dialogue naturally, think through phrases and topics;
• don't forget to smile.

If you don't have the opportunity to conduct such trainings with a friend, try practicing in front of a mirror. Don’t be afraid to look funny: most likely it won’t turn out very well at first, but quality comes with experience.

Keep in mind that when communicating with girls, it is important to be able to give compliments. They love them, but if you are not a master of artistic expression, then it is better not to improvise, but to prepare several successful options in advance. Considering that guys and girls may have different ideas about successful compliments, I advise you to ask your mother or sister in advance about how good your compliments are from their point of view.

Where do ears come from?

Of course, out of my head. This is where the constraint and other difficulties are located. So where did it come from? Strictly speaking, a very general term that includes many psychological aspects:

• Fears

There really are a lot of them - fear of not liking it, of being rejected, of making a mistake, of doing something wrong. And they all start in childhood. Once upon a time, at the dawn of life, someone, most likely my mother, rejected me when I approached her, scolded me too much for a mistake, actions that my mother did not recognize as traumatic. And here is the result - a beast hidden in the labyrinths of the brain, unwilling to allow its owner to live a full life.

• Self-esteem

Originates in the same place and time. An episode with a girl who ridiculed or humiliated may be added. Here, too, there is an almost instantaneous effect - “if they do this, it means there’s something wrong with me, I’m not worthy of a relationship with a good girl.”

Associated with self-esteem is a man’s desire to always be the best. And if you suddenly find yourself not up to par, you’re a loser.

• Social dogma

There is an opinion in society about the fragility of the weaker sex and about a tender attitude towards it, and on the Internet there are a lot of articles about how difficult it is to understand a girl. So one gets the impression that develops into the conviction that they are so inaccessible, they cannot be pleased and it is not clear what is needed. This also causes fear of the opposite sex.

In fact, there are many more reasons. But does it really matter where things come from? It already exists, it’s something disturbing and disturbing. The more important thing is what to do next.

Do not rush

It is absolutely not necessary to start dating immediately after a five-minute workout in front of the mirror. Your actions should be thought out to the smallest detail, and your fear of the girl should be kept to a minimum. Therefore, it is better not to rush, but to gradually work on yourself.

You can start with a simple smile. She should be natural and calm, as her goal is to show your friendliness and positive attitude. Remember that nervous laughter is no better than a sullen expression and is not at all conducive to making acquaintances.

The next step in overcoming embarrassment could be a simple greeting.

If at this stage you are still afraid to meet a girl, take another break, prepare some topic for conversation and try it out in practice in a few days.

Of course, no one expects a multi-hour monologue from you; a five-minute conversation will be enough to start with. The main thing is not to retreat and not to close in on yourself, even if the first time everything doesn’t go very smoothly.

Every failure is also an experience. You need to learn from your mistakes, draw the right conclusions from them and not give up. Keep in mind that whenever you make an excuse for your insecurity and decide to stay home, you lose. It is impossible to overcome shyness without doing anything about it.

Learn to empathize

Oddly enough, but help and communication with those who are closed just like you can help you overcome self-doubt.

Becoming part of a group of fun and relaxed guys seems impossible to you - it's really difficult. In addition, against their background, your shyness and complexes may seem greater than they actually are.

But you can always make friends with a shy person like yourself. He will be grateful for your company, and you will practice your communication skills and make a new friend.

For example, if you find yourself at a party or some other event where you don’t know anyone and feel out of place, try to find an equally lonely girl. I'm sure she'll be grateful for the company and you'll both have a good time. Even if she's not the girl of your dreams, you can hone your dating skills.

Remember that the fight against shyness should not be reduced to putting on the mask of a confident person. This feeling must come from within, which means that you must learn to accept yourself for who you are and try to become better.

Gain confidence in yourself

Shyness often leads to you reacting painfully to humor or comments addressed to you. This is explained by the fact that you see in them, first of all, a trick and a desire to tease, and not innocent jokes.

Of course, ridicule and jokes should not be confused. And your struggle with shyness should not deprive you of your self-esteem. But try not to overreact to what you hear, because it’s not necessarily about you. And even if so, learn to ignore it. This skill will be useful to you in many life situations.

One of the main reasons for shyness is fear of one’s obvious or imagined shortcomings. To overcome it, try to focus all your attention on the girl you like. Trust me, once you switch to it, you simply won’t have time to think about your weaknesses. Well, the girl, in turn, will be flattered by such attention.

In addition, it is useful to understand that in reality these shortcomings are obvious only to yourself, and those around you may not even be aware of them. Moreover, other people have more important problems than paying attention to your shyness and judging you.

Don't be afraid of rejection

When you start meeting girls, an important aspect is the ability to foresee the possibility of refusal in advance, prepare for it and not take it to heart.

Girls can say no to even the most handsome guy, so this is nothing unusual. Trying to start a conversation and ask for a date does not necessarily lead to a positive result. Remember, if she gave a negative answer or simply did not react to your greeting, it is not the end of the world and does not mean that you are no good for anything. Take it as an experience, work on your mistakes and try again.

Any attempt, even an unsuccessful one, is a skill that will help you become more confident and achieve results in the future.

If you suddenly decide to stop trying, you are unlikely to be able to develop self-confidence and ask the one you like on the first date.

Don't feel sorry for yourself

How not to be shy about a girl? This is perhaps the most common question that can be heard from male teenagers. It is very important to learn to confront yourself with a fact, that is, to drive yourself into a certain framework. For example, if you are talking to a girl on the phone and she herself makes the first step, inviting you to meet, then immediately agree and immediately make an appointment for tonight.

You should not think about possible developments of the situation, as well as the time and place of the meeting. This way, you will have no other option but to meet tonight at the appointed time. What is the result? You set your own meeting time, which means you have already overcome a serious barrier of shyness.

An equally attractive option for combating shyness is to seek advice from older friends who have experience communicating with the opposite sex. This will undoubtedly help you overcome your shyness in front of a pretty girl.

Strive to communicate

In order to learn how to meet girls or simply communicate with strangers, psychological support can also be useful. There is nothing scary or shameful about it. Experienced psychologists understand perfectly well what difficulties a shy person has to face in society, and help increase self-esteem and confidence through specially designed exercises or consultations.

If for some reason you cannot use professional psychological support, then special applications or videos will come to the rescue, telling you what work you can do on yourself. For example:

Use this material to work on yourself, complete tasks or put the advice into practice. If you practice regularly, you will definitely see progress and increase your self-esteem.

Find new friends

A great way to get rid of shyness is to do what you love with like-minded people. If you have a hobby, then try to find a club where people like you gather.

The more often you communicate with people, the better you can develop your dating skill.

If you and people you still don’t know are passionate about a common idea, then finding a topic for conversation and taking the first step will be quite easy.

Of course, it is not at all necessary to look for a girl in a club of similar interests. Think of this pastime as developing your social communication skills. The more friends you have, the harder it will be to remain shy and closed. At some point you will understand that communication is a joy for you, not a punishment.

The art of casual conversation

In order to start a conversation with the girl you like, you need some preparation. You can find out more about this in our articles on how to meet a girl and what is best to talk to her about on the first date.

Remember, in order for the conversation to be successful and not end with an awkward pause after the first phrase, you should think through the topic of the conversation in advance, prepare questions that the girl will be interested in answering, and also work on your appearance.

Before the first conversation with the one you like, you can practice on friends or relatives. Try to start a conversation when you are in your own company. By the reaction of your loved ones, you will be able to understand how natural it looks, and whether you are choosing interesting enough topics for discussion.

Talk to people

Try to talk to strangers every day. This helps a lot to loosen up and overcome insecurities.

Both the salesperson in the supermarket and your neighbor in line at the cash register are suitable for such conversations.

Be sincere

As you overcome your insecurities, remember to be yourself. A girl would rather meet a nice and modest guy than a feigned braggart. Any falsity is clearly visible from the outside, so try to be natural.

If you can't think of a single unforgettable phrase to start a conversation, don't worry. If you just walk up to a girl and politely introduce yourself, and then ask how her day is going, she will like it more than a fancy quote you found on the Internet.

Learn to listen

Girls love to be listened to. Therefore, remember that you must prepare not a monologue, but a dialogue in which she can actively participate.

Learn not only to speak, but also to ask questions and listen. Interesting topics prepared in advance will help you in those moments when there is an awkward pause in the conversation.

Chapter I. The most common causes of the problem

1. Gray mouse behavior concept

“The main thing is not to stand out anywhere,” says everyone who is shy about a girl. This is the motto of thousands of children, whom even those who studied with them at the next desk for many years cannot often remember. You were advised not to be different from the gray masses, to work silently and without objections, and weaned from desires. If someone managed to come out ahead, get an expensive item, or excel in some other way, then this child initially felt like he was very lucky, and you will have to come to terms with the reality.

Of course, surrounded by such restrictions and moralizing, you can not only grow shyness, but also provoke much more serious psychological trauma, when the guy himself is shy in all areas of life. They didn’t explain to you how to change yourself for the better and work on your shortcomings, but they bluntly told you to go with the flow, because whatever you do, that boy was born into a wealthy family, so he will always have everything, but you won’t see much, even if you'll be working all day long.

In addition, it was always drilled into your head to behave humbly with the opposite sex. They dictated commandments to you: “don’t offend, give in, obey, give, run, spend.” But in the eyes of a girl with such truths, you will at most get a candidate for the friend zone. As a pseudo-argument that supposedly confirmed the truthfulness of the above commandments, they cited the total adoration of young ladies for such good, diligent and wonderful boys.

Maybe in her heart she is adored as a friend, interlocutor, or a male person who became the brother she never had. And this is understandable, since there were common points - gentleness, positivity, compliance, obedience. What kind of relationship can we talk about (even short-term) if both fit this characteristic?

1. Low self-esteem is a problem for shy people

In this component, a person always needs to be vigilant, since it is enough to disrupt the harmony and balance a little, and you will drive yourself into binge drinking and depression. And even if you have never felt embarrassed in front of a beautiful girl, everything can change. It all could have started harmlessly and not hinted at such an outcome at all - you started meeting the ladies. Received a refusal. Unpleasant, annoying, but okay. Second refusal. A little more painful, but it doesn’t happen to anyone. Third refusal. Now it’s starting to feel uneasy.

This can be either a targeted acquaintance (on the street, a cafe), or through acquaintance with friends of friends, colleagues, when several weeks or months may pass between refusals. You begin to delve into yourself, cling to your appearance, clothes, manner of smiling, face, voice, speech, words and off we go. The further you go, the worse your soul becomes, not to mention new attempts to get acquainted.

From time to time you even begin to admit that apparently this is your fate as a loser. Actually, without insults and other negative sayings from girls, you can destroy your self-esteem with the help of your own imagination. As a result, you will definitely become shy or are already shy about girls. And there are so many reasons for refusal among the fairer sex, although initially it seems otherwise:

• You might not be her type (that's normal, you don't like everyone?)
• She could be in a hurry to get somewhere.
• She might not want a relationship.
• She may have been going through a difficult breakup.
• She could have been busy, but she didn’t say so (it’s her right to admit everything to a stranger).
• She refused out of surprise (she was thinking about her own things, they hadn’t approached her for a long time).
• She said no, and then regretted it (and there are girls like that, there’s no escape).

In other words, the opposite sex does not revolve around meetings, relationships, dates, weddings, reunions of loving hearts and other vanilla. They may also have tasks and goals of a different nature related to study, work, career, and travel. And this is normal if at the moment of contact the girl’s head was filled with completely different thoughts, which cannot be thrown out at the snap of a finger and cannot be pushed aside just because of the appearance of the king of the people (I’m sorry).

1. Rejection is like death

In the 21st century, refusals to approach girls are taken very seriously - at least, this is what numerous commentators on the Internet say. However, you yourself have probably heard at least a couple of stories of this nature. They can send you away, ridicule you, or ignore you - there are many options for a fiasco, but all this also happens partly because the girls feel superior to such unmarried people.

Having sensed the “blood of the victim,” they get used to the image even more and literally finish off the victim. And the guy, in turn, tucks his paws in and accepts the “gratitude.” In some cases, the stronger sex snaps and sends a response, but the guy still remains in a losing position. Being shy about girls will become the norm after just a few such refusals. Nevertheless, this is all an experience, albeit a rather bitter one. And how many millions of approaches failed because of banal fear? You know this well, don’t you?

General Tips

I would like to dwell specifically on tips that will help you not only win the attention of your beloved, but also competently conduct a conversation in any life situation.

1. Don't just talk about yourself or your hobbies. She may be interested in completely different topics, so give her the opportunity to talk about them.
2. Ask questions that will help your conversation. For example, if a girl was at a concert, don’t rush to tell her right away what kind of music you prefer. Try asking her about her musical tastes first.
3. Remember that there are two people in a conversation, so don't limit yourself solely to questions or answers.
4. If you are not confident in your speaking abilities and the need to talk scares you, choose movies or concerts for your first dates - you will spend time together and you will have a lot of topics to talk about.

Appearance

Start with yourself, as this will be the most important thing for a girl.
You need to start with your appearance. It is by your clothes, unshavenness and shoes that the girl will make a conclusion about you in the first second of the meeting. Agree that it is in your interests to get the highest score. It’s too late to improve your physical shape, so let’s start choosing clothes. Jeans and a T-shirt immediately remain in the closet; this is not what should accompany you on a date. You should choose something more stylish. You may have heard that girls are turned on by men in suits. This is partly true, but only partly. Let the classics remain until better times.

The best choice would be stylish trousers and a shirt with clean shoes. If you still haven’t acquired such things, then go to a store where you can find everything you need within a few thousand, and these things will help you date for years. If you are not sure that you can find the things that suit you best on your own, then take a friend with you to the store. Every girl will be happy to help a guy in this matter.

Don't forget that accessories are important.

An attractive watch on your wrist or a men's bracelet, sunglasses (only if appropriate), a gasoline lighter, and so on. Such “adult toys” attract women. Don't forget that you should smell nice. The success of a date depends 80 percent on your perfume!

But don’t rush with gifts. This is a first date and the gift will not be particularly valuable, besides, it is a financial waste. Another trouble associated with gifts and flowers is that it is extremely inconvenient. You will walk around the city and you will be burdened by these things. Nothing should hinder your movements! Therefore, think about gifts later, not on the first date, when you want.

All this will help you cope with anxiety about your appearance.