Cause of anger
A person is constantly in society. He has to communicate a lot with different people. Everyone has different views on life. Sometimes it can be difficult to listen to a persuasive speech about an issue on which you have a completely different opinion. Is it worth getting into a fight? Can you convince a person otherwise?
Sometimes we get annoyed by people's behavior that we consider wrong. Our upbringing may be very different. We consider it inappropriate to behave the way we imagine. For example, we are offended by our husband because he forgot to fulfill our request.
Anger arises from feelings of envy. We compare our health, abilities, appearance, material acquisitions with other people. This constant comparison and acute desire to possess what is not available to you causes anger and irritation.
Other ritual options
There is an effective ritual that will help you make peace with your loved one. To carry it out you need to use scrambled eggs. Before preparing breakfast for your husband, you need to take two eggs in your left palm and read the Lord’s Prayer on them. Next, break the eggs into the frying pan. When you salt, say these words:
“As this salt dissolves in an egg, so let love be reborn in the heart of God’s servant (name). So let it always be as long as there is life on earth.”
You need your husband to eat the breakfast you prepared.
Ritual with honey
Honey must be natural
If conflicts constantly occur in your family, disagreements arise, and relatives cannot find a common language, you can try to correct the situation, try to restore relationships with the help of honey. For this you need pure natural honey. Take it into a container and close yourself in the room so that no one at home sees you. Speak the beekeeping product with these words:
“Honey has a sweet product, it contains living strength, collected power. Let there be no more anger, no more anger, no more swearing in my family. Only peace will remain between us, only kind words will we speak to each other. Let's learn to hear each other, understand and meet each other halfway. So let it be from now on and always.”
Next, you need to prepare tea for all family members and add a small amount of honey to each. Soon you will see how relationships in your family will change, there will be much fewer conflicts, and trust will be restored.
If you had a fight with your husband and want him to ask for forgiveness, you can perform the following ritual. Light a church candle, then read the prayer, looking at the flame of the candle:
“My beloved, hear me. Call me, I really want to meet you. Just as no living thing can exist without the red sun, so may you never be able to live without me. You are looking forward to meeting me, you only love me. So let it always be.”
There is another option for reconciliation with your husband. You'll need a new handkerchief. In the evening after sunset, say the following words:
“I speak with the handkerchief, I put up powerful protection. My words, my speeches, my deeds. Let all the bad things remain in this handkerchief, and let all the good things be between us. Only goodness, only purity and light, only love and prosperity. And if someone wishes us bad, let it remain in this handkerchief. Higher powers, hear me, grant me your help. Let everything I say come true. Good luck, on a bright journey. Amen".
After reading the plot, you need to quietly throw a handkerchief into your loved one’s pocket. Let him always carry this amulet with him.
Ritual for repentance
The candle must be purchased from the church
If you have had a big fight with your spouse and cannot resolve the conflict in any way, you can try the following version of the ritual. After it, your loved one must repent of his actions, ask you for forgiveness, and take the first step towards reconciliation.
Wait until the sun disappears below the horizon. Light a candle purchased from church. You need to fill the container with church water. While the candle is burning, whisper the following words into the liquid:
“Let this candle flame burn in the heart of my husband. Let it fill him with love. He will have repentance from this candle and from the holy water. Let him come to me, repent, ask for forgiveness. There will be no peace in his life until he receives my forgiveness. He will not be able to sleep, eat and exist peacefully until he is with me forever. I pronounce these words, I consolidate the action with this water. Let it be so".
Drink the spoken water and wash your face and hands with the remaining liquid.
Biochemistry of anger
What happens during an explosion of anger at the biochemical level? Our body is lightning-fast ready for battle thanks to the release of hormones - catecholamines and cortisol in high concentrations. Because the reptilian brain gives the command “hit”. 24 hours a day, he “keeps a picture of reality”, assesses the surrounding danger and the chances of victory. In close cooperation with its neighbor, the amygdala, it gives us a hormonal “boom.” Thousandths of a second! The influence of the cerebral cortex at such a speed is impossible. This is why it is impossible to suppress the emotion of anger. It's instinct.
The good news is that anger comes in many shades. Imagine it on a scale from 0 to 10. At the beginning are discomfort, dissatisfaction, irritation, anger, frustration, anger. Completes the scale with rage. At the beginning of the scale, the intensity of emotions is less due to lower concentrations of hormones. The body's reaction is slower. The cerebral cortex has enough time to communicate with the amygdala. The emotion is recognized. And a choice appears - how to react. If you are attacked, the appropriate response is to defend yourself and fight. If you are clarifying problematic issues with your partner and value your relationship, then the appropriate reaction is to voice your emotion to your partner and end the emotional cycle in an environmentally friendly way. For myself and for him. Walk quickly, breathe, make sounds, run, perform special exercises. If inappropriate, then postpone the reaction. And remember that the body needs completion with action. Otherwise, the quantity of unreacted “evil” cycles and biochemical waste will turn into quality.
Useful facts about anger:
- If you monitor the concentration of hormones that cause emotions in the body, including anger, then the indicators are not equal to absolute zero.
- To act, to reach a goal, you need anger. Anger is at stake - at the beginning of the scale.
- Expressed anger is an indicator of an unsatisfied need. Something is missing in life, and a person cannot get it. Have you noticed how easy it is to get angry when you are very hungry or if you don’t get enough sleep regularly?
Male anger. How not to ruin a relationship?
There can be many reasons for a man to be angry. Let's conditionally divide them into two groups - those that lie in the external environment, and those that are provoked by the internal environment.
The first group of factors is more numerous. A man has problems at work, a demanding boss has bothered him, a lucrative deal has fallen through, his car has broken down - all these are environmental factors
. Each of these factors can provoke male anger. The character of the man is of great importance here. Some people have a more stable psyche and only truly difficult circumstances can throw them off balance. And for some, a small thing will be enough to “flare up”.
You need to understand that the precursor to male anger is almost always fear of something.
. Fear of deteriorating financial condition and the inability to provide for his family force a man to tolerate a despot boss or unsympathetic colleagues. While in the office, he cannot express his dissatisfaction out loud, and therefore he will carry all the negativity into the family.
Men have an extremely high need for self-realization. It is very important for them to do what they really love. They just need to feel needed and important. This is why a man perceives his failures at work so painfully. The fear that his need for self-realization will remain unsatisfied causes his dissatisfaction and anger.
A man, strange as it may sound, feels the need for security. A complex, destabilizing situation that requires him to be extremely collected and focused can cause fear and then anger. For example, your husband just got a managerial position in a large company. His joy from his first success will immediately be replaced by fear - will I live up to the expectations placed on me, will the team accept me, etc.
In fact, men have no less fears than women. Therefore, your husband will always have plenty of reasons to be angry. A smart wife understands this and behaves accordingly. Consider a situation where your husband comes home upset.
You need to clearly understand that if his condition is provoked by external factors, then you most likely will not know anything about them. At least for now. If you see that your husband is angry, then it's time to leave him alone
. Showing concern is not prohibited - a delicious dinner will not go amiss. But it’s better to do everything silently. Your stories about how your day went will go unheard. And if you allow yourself a careless remark that the faucet in the kitchen should have been fixed long ago, then you seriously risk running into a quarrel.
Being in a state of anger, your husband may flare up because of any phrase you say. In this case, all the negativity accumulated in the external environment will be projected onto you. And it is you who will be the source of his discontent
. Do you need it? Therefore, feel free to go to visit your friend, warning your husband about this, of course. If this is not possible, then you can always talk it out over the phone. Give your husband time to move away from the stressful situation and calm down. It is difficult for a man to admit his fears, since, according to imposed stereotypes, he must always remain strong. A man will overcome his failures on his own, but for this he will need time.
There will come a time when a man overcomes his fear and his emotional state returns to normal. And then he will reach out to you for the fulfillment of his other need - for love and affection.
. Rest assured, he has already appreciated your silent concern and will now willingly share with you those circumstances that unbalanced him and which he heroically overcame or simply rethought.
However, as already noted, the husband’s anger can be caused not only by external, but also by internal factors. Internal factors lie in the plane of interpersonal relationships
.
In other words, the husband’s anger can be caused by any actions or, conversely, inactions on the part of his wife. In terms of its impact on relationships, such anger is much more dangerous than anger caused by environmental circumstances
. And using “silence” tactics here is not only ineffective, but also destructive.
The man thinks logically. His actions are quite predictable. If his anger was provoked by your actions, then it’s time to evaluate how adequate the aggression shown on his part is. If his anger is justified and does not exceed the boundaries of what is permitted, then it’s time to draw conclusions and in the future not commit offenses that caused his discontent. By the boundaries of what is permitted, two things should be understood. First, under no circumstances should a man commit violence against a woman. Secondly, in his anger a man should not humiliate the dignity of a woman.
So, let's assume that the husband's anger is quite justified. How to extinguish an already raging male temperament? The best option is to directly admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness.
. But not many women can behave this way. Most often, a woman begins to defend herself in a way that is known and most accessible to her - attack. This is a rather dishonest technique in this situation, but this does not bother the woman at all. She unleashes an avalanche of accusations on her husband, and then with an innocent look tells him: “Why are you yelling at me? What did I tell you?” In her desire to fight off essentially fair accusations and unwillingness to take the blame upon herself, the woman finally drives the man crazy and leads a small quarrel to a serious scandal.
Meanwhile, the role of peacemaker in relationships is traditionally assigned to women
. The psychological climate in the family is entirely the prerogative of the wife and mother. If a woman does not understand this and continues to behave like an aggressor in quarrels, then family happiness will be short-lived.
In order to face male anger as little as possible, you need to maintain emotional intimacy with your man. Always.
It doesn't matter how many years you've been married. People change, and you don’t need to think that you know everything about your spouse’s character. Communicate with him, find out what he breathes, what he thinks about, what interests him. Neglecting your husband's emotional needs can lead to dire consequences. The moment he begins to fulfill these needs with another woman, it may be too late to save the relationship.
Tags: psychology of relationships, marital relationships, emotions, anger, negativity, wife, mood, husband
