As the famous humorist rightly noted: “Human relationships are a perishable thing.” The greatest mental pain is brought to us by the cooling of love feelings and the destruction of the family idyll. You may have come a long way to create a personal space of comfort and warmth in a hectic world. You have put a lot of effort and patience, but you realize with bitterness that the relationship has reached a dead end. Let's try to understand the origins of the problem and how to get out of a difficult life situation.
Final discord or temporary difficulties?
As long as the connection continues, it suits both partners. This is the key to understanding the situation. A deadlock is an extremely undesirable development of personal relationships that arises unconsciously. None of us deliberately wants to get into a hopeless situation. The main thing is to understand whether it is an insurmountable obstacle or a temporary difficulty on the way?
Often, a deadlock situation arises at a stage when the relationship requires reaching a new qualitative level, but the partners are afraid to make the transition. For example, a couple has been dating for a long time and often hears the sacramental phrase from friends: “When will you get married?” Periodic meetings have long since exhausted their usefulness, but the difficulties of coexistence are frightening.
Another example is long-distance relationships, when partners live in different cities and countries. Man is a social being. He needs not only intangible spiritual closeness, but a faithful hand and a strong shoulder nearby. If you reach a dead end while living at a distance, decide what to do: break up or reunite.
We have considered not the worst dead-end options: they imply the likelihood of a way out. All that remains is to find strength and courage, to stop giving in to change. As the poet said, love is not just about kissing on a bench. Only the desperate lover is happy who is not afraid to make fateful decisions.
It is much more dangerous when feelings have faded, but partners do not dare to make a final break. The forces that keep spouses from separating are different:
- feeling of guilt in front of a companion;
- fear of loneliness;
- reluctance to injure children;
- fear of everyday and social changes.
How to revive relationships?
You need to leave tears, requests, and pleas, pull yourself together and calm down. Strength of spirit is the key to success. He shouldn’t notice that it’s very difficult for you to bear the breakup. Let him understand that you are happy with the breakup. At least not enough to kill yourself over it.
If your partner himself told you about breaking up, then agree, but ask him to remain friends. This will give him a chance to return. There is no point in burning bridges. Contact former mutual acquaintances and friends. Call him sometimes too, ask about his affairs, but you shouldn’t talk about feelings. Always follow moderation, otherwise you will look annoying. He definitely won't like it.
In what cases should you think about breaking up?
Despite the significant arguments, we will try to immediately cut off truly dead-end situations when it is better to definitely end a relationship with a man:
Having your partner in the house annoys you
The proverb about heaven in a hut accurately conveys the essence of a loving couple. A person has his own living space, into which he allows only dear people. Couples who are close in spirit can easily get along even in a small room, but for strangers a huge house is not enough.
Divergence of life goals
For example, you strive for family comfort and are thinking about children, and your partner is close to the image of a “lonely tramp of love Casanova.”
Disadvantage incompatible with family
We are talking about pathological jealousy, infidelity, aggression, alcoholism, drug addiction. Perhaps falling in love forced the partner to give up bad habits in order to win the good attitude of the chosen one. A return to previous addictions indicates a cooling of feelings.
If a man does not want to get rid of bad habits, do not think about breaking the impasse. A person who destroys himself with a destructive passion is capable of causing significant harm to those close to him, primarily his family. A woman associated with him should think about preserving her moral and physical health. Don't witness the long and painful agony of a relationship.
Sexual chemistry gone
Trouble in the intimate sphere manifests itself in different ways. Usually they say that a relationship has reached a dead end when a husband and wife stop having sex. Psychologists long ago came up with the name “sexual desert.” In most cases, this happens due to the fault of a man who does not show the proper initiative.
If sex happens rarely and only at the wife’s suggestion, it is worth hinting about the desired activation on the part of the spouse. If the hint tactics do not work, this is a reason for a frank conversation without mincing words.
Perhaps when having sex, a woman ceases to receive the same pleasure. It is difficult to overestimate the power of intimacy. This is not only a discharge, but also a powerful source of mutual energy exchange. Lack of satisfaction indicates a loss of spiritual connection with your partner.
In this case, a strong emotional shock can help. About the same as what the heroes of the action-packed film “The Jungle” experienced. Read on to find out how to get out of a deadlock in a relationship, but for now...
What should a man do?
Has your relationship with your wife reached a dead end? Assess how important family is to you. Don't make assumptions, learn the art of communication. Analyze what you have achieved in life and what goals you set for yourself in the future. Perhaps your wife has a lot to do with her support and inspiration.
Don’t try to dot all the i’s at once. Be interested in her life, how her day went, what she plans for the evening, how she would like to spend the weekend. Do not limit yourself to verbal contacts, hug, stroke the head, it calms and relaxes.
When the emotions calm down a little, directly - does she want you to be together or has she decided to break up? Not everything is in your hands, but a lot depends on a sincere desire to improve relationships and save the family.
View from the outside
In 1996, at the suggestion of the WHO, three parallel psychological studies were conducted in America, France and Poland. Ten thousand respondents were asked the question: “Why are marital relationships at an impasse?” The vast majority of respondents gave the same answers: “Domestic conflicts, betrayal, selfishness.”
According to the unanimous opinion of ten authoritative psychologists, ordinary people did not guess the true cause of discord in the family. Relationship psychology experts unanimously give the leading place to boredom. Everyday routine and monotony can ruin even strong unions. Intellectual and sexual boredom invariably leads to a loss of mutual interests and a reduction in communication. The given answers occupy only the honorable 2nd, 2nd and 4th places, respectively.
Like a squirrel in a wheel
It happens that relationships have reached a cyclical impasse, similar to a vicious circle. The partners quarrel, and after a stormy reconciliation, a short family calm reigns, inevitably ending in another quarrel. Constant conflicts are exhausting, accumulate mutual grievances and strengthen the natural desire to escape from the enchanted cycle.
The traditional mistake is to consider a temporary truce as final. If quarrels go beyond the bounds of decency and are accompanied by insults, threats, and assault, one cannot count on improvement.
How to interrupt the alienation that has arisen
You need to understand - does the relationship have potential? To do this, it is important to see a man as he is - not through the prism of accumulated bad experience or your expectations, but through understanding his psyche as it is.
Is he developed in his properties (which means he is able to realize himself, to take place in society) or not very well. If you are sufficiently developed (and often this is the case), then temporary bad states due to accumulated dissatisfaction are not a hindrance. A man will be able to fulfill his masculine role, provide you with a sense of security and safety, and respond to your love with action and feeling, as soon as you create the conditions for this.
At the “System-Vector Psychology” training, you will be able to figure this out without anyone’s “good” advice, based on the knowledge you have gained about the human soul.
We are looking for a way out
Unlike the real ones, there are apparent barriers. They acquire the dimensions of a hopeless dead end only in the mind of a person who does not see a specific way out.
If the threads of warmth and intimacy between you have not yet been broken, try to use them to reach a potentially new level of relationship. An unconditional success factor is a frank conversation. Only through joint efforts will you find a saving loophole that will open up prospects for a joint future.
Compatibility test
It’s easy to check whether the game is worth the candle. Think about whether you enjoy physical intimacy with your partner: touching, hugging, kissing. Despite quarrels and insults, do they cause positive feelings? Unlike the mind, the body cannot be fooled. If you do not feel overwhelming disgust and discomfort, then a positive outcome is possible.
The relationship has reached a dead end. What should I do?
To begin with, it is worth deciding when it is worth getting out of the deadlock and whether it is necessary to maintain and correct the deadlock relationship in a couple. In my opinion, there are two types of such relationships.
The first is when the relationship is completely ruined : constant quarrels, disputes, discord, you are sure that there is no way to understand each other and come to an agreement, irritation from the mere sight of each other blocks out possible rays of joy. Such relationships are burdensome for both partners. They have simply exhausted themselves, have come to their logical end, and there is no point in prolonging their agony or preserving them. It is better to part quietly and peacefully, before the still warm memories from the past are replaced by anger and hatred.
I would call this type of dead end a point. And any point is not only the end, but also the beginning of a new countdown and new relationships. By the way, as a psychologist with 15 years of experience and extensive experience in consulting in the field of relationship psychology, I will say that an attempt to revive such relationships under the guise of a sense of duty, children or other reasons usually does not lead to anything good. It’s just that instead of two suffering people around, others begin to suffer, especially children.
Sometimes relationships really do end. Point Photo: Depositphotos
There is another type of deadlock - all the same quarrels, disputes, scandals, but both sides feel the need for each other , both want to shout to each other in order to improve their relationship, improve it. And despite all the stormy scenes, both partners are dear to each other, they feel a constant attraction, they cannot live without each other. However, something is wrong; joy is constantly mixed with bitterness, the pain of grievances, and a feeling of guilt.
This type of dead-end relationship is what I would call a spiral dead end. That is, it’s time for partners to move to a new level of communication, understanding, and acceptance. A certain period of their life is over and a new one is beginning, in which they are still dear to each other, but it is difficult for them to realize this moment of transition to a new level. In their attempts to explain important things to each other, everyone hears only themselves, resentfully wondering why their partner doesn’t think of the simplest things you’re talking about.
So, is this your type of relationship today? You feel bad without each other, but together you can’t do without a scandal and showdown? You don't want to lose your partner? Do you want to somehow get out of the deadlock?
If you answered yes to all these questions, congratulations - you are already on the right path to saving your relationship. Your relationship is still dear to you, and it is only in your hands to take it to a new level, to help both yourself and your partner become happier.
But sometimes you need to look for a way out of a dead end. Together Photo: Depositphotos
I offer you some simple steps and helpful tips to understand what is going on and try to fix your problematic relationship.
Step one . First, let's define your relationship. Ask yourself, do you enjoy your partner’s touch, hugs, stroking, kisses? Despite quarrels and insults, do you feel these touches the same way? Do they give you positive feelings, pleasant rushes? Ask yourself and listen to your body. Believe me, you can think of a lot of things, but your body will not deceive you. If you enjoy your partner’s touch, if you don’t feel irritated or uncomfortable, then everything is fine, you really have something to fight for and something to preserve.
Step two . I will not tell you the truth, I will tell you a very banal thing that everyone knows about but ignores. Take control of your emotions! Just don’t say that you don’t have a button, that it’s difficult, that why me and not him or her.
Yes, it’s difficult, but you have a motive - to maintain and improve your relationship, and this is what you need. And, in my experience, not always both partners can do this at the same time, someone periodically has to be wiser, why not you now?
Hold back reproaches, be wiser Photo: Depositphotos
So, take control of your emotions, turn on your mind, analyze every word of your partner and yours, and do not respond to reproach with reproach. In the end, try to hear your partner, try to understand what exactly he is telling you, what is hidden behind his words. Maybe he lacks your attention, understanding, interest, tenderness?
Restrain yourself when reproaches are ready to burst out of your mouth, change your strategy. After all, you already realized that your previous strategy is not working, show patience and understanding, it will pay off. Often it is emotions that prevent us from hearing each other. Often, very often, in a dispute we hear only ourselves, we consider only our point of view to be the only correct one. Try to hear the other one.
From here we move on to the third step.
Step three . Let's change reality. Let's play. So, you are tired of your relationship, you want to change it, you want to prove something to your partner, explain something, but you don’t know how to do it. And it is very difficult for you to control your emotions. There is a good way out: play.
Swap places, look at the relationship from the other side Photo: Depositphotos
First, tell each other that something is not right in your relationship, that you would like to improve it, that you would like to be understood. Notice that your partner also wants to be understood. When you determine your positions and desires, invite your partner to switch places: literally for some time you will become him, and your partner will become you. This could be an entire day off, an evening, or even an hour.
I guarantee that during the process of this game you will really get closer and things that seemed inexplicable will become clear by themselves. Firstly, you will look at yourself from the outside, and secondly, you will feel what your partner feels, and this will be stronger than any explanations, clarifications and reproaches. And the very feeling of playing already relieves tension, returning you to childhood, to carelessness. It’s all kind of frivolous, so it’s not scary. You just need to play honestly, otherwise there will be no effect, that is, you need to get used to the role of another as much as possible, at least for an hour.
Step four . Learn to talk about feelings. Actually, this step is a topic for a separate article. But I'll try to make it shorter. In order not to explain for a long time, I will give a simple example, a dialogue between mother and son.
Mom: - Put on your hat. Son: - I won’t wear it. Mom: “Put on your hat immediately, I said.” Son: “I don’t like it, I won’t wear it.” (Or: “Well, Mom, it’s not cold there.”) Mom: “You’re always arguing with me, you don’t give me any credit, you don’t listen to me at all.” Oh you…
Two options: either the son puts on a hat and leaves with a feeling of suppressed will and resentment towards his mother; or the son does not put on a hat, then the mother will be powerless and resentful of her son, as well as a feeling of uselessness and guilt.
Learn to talk Photo: Depositphotos
This is how most people communicate, feeling after such communication a whole range of negative feelings. Meanwhile, the mother was simply worried about her son, and trying to put a hat on him was just a show of love and care. And as soon as mom spoke about her feelings, the whole dialogue could have turned out differently, instead of negativity, mutual understanding and gratitude would have arisen.
Mom: - Son, please put on a hat, it’s cool outside, you can freeze, get sick, but I love you and worry about you, I can’t help but worry about you, because I love you. Son: - Of course, mom, I don’t want you to worry, I love you too, I’ll put on a hat so as not to upset you.
Somehow like this…
Often we are so afraid of our own feelings that it is easier for us to hide them under various instructions and reproaches. It is easier for us to act as a parent, as a commander or as the ultimate truth, but not as a loving person. By the way, not in the role of the same parent, only a loving one.
Our fears push us into the same impasse in relationships, from which it is not always easy to get out. So try it - change your language of insults and reproaches, orders and exhortations to the language of love and care. Talk about real feelings, to do this, become aware of them.
Before you say anything to your partner, ask yourself: “What feelings am I experiencing right now?” And say everything you wanted to say, but in the language of feelings.
For example, instead of the phrase “You are an ungrateful creature,” say: “I am very upset by this attitude towards me, I tried so hard, but you didn’t notice anything.” Most likely, your partner will try to figure out what he didn’t notice and will try to appreciate your efforts and care.
By the way, this can also be turned into a game. Agree that you will speak only the language of feelings for the whole evening, who made a mistake - a fine, think of what. So, instead of difficult clarifications and a ruined evening, you can, firstly, spend it having fun, secondly, earn something pleasant or tasty from fines, and most importantly - become closer to each other. Often it is in the creation of such rituals and games that a new type of relationship is born.
Even if you decide to break up, you will remain on good terms Photo: Depositphotos
And finally, I’ll tell you a little secret. By following all these steps, it may turn out that your relationship will simply dry up and you will suddenly be able to understand that you are not interested in each other, that you do not coincide with each other. However, I assure you, your efforts in this case will not be in vain: if you sincerely tried, then, most likely, you have gained invaluable experience in building relationships, the experience of growing up and realizing yourself. And you are now ready for a new relationship, in which you will be both more mature and wiser.
In any case, you have not lost anything, but only gained, because experience is the most valuable thing. Good luck to you!
Tags: psychology of relationships, useful tips, mutual understanding, dead end in relationships, relationships in couples
Let's take decisive action
Step 1. Emotional shake-up
When the love boat is ready to crash into everyday life, and everyday life has swallowed up romance, break the monotony of everyday life. Spending active time together will help relieve boredom.
Try extreme sports, fly in a hot air balloon, go river rafting, go rock climbing, play paintball. Adrenaline is a great helper in renewing your senses. Go on a romantic trip. A tourist hike in the Altai Mountains with tents will make you instantly forget about everyday boredom. If you are a fan of a civilized holiday, buy a ticket to the Caribbean, Africa, a round-the-world voyage, go to the ends of the world to escape the boring hustle and bustle of home.
Step 2: Control your emotions
The difficulty of self-control is undeniable. The slightest offense can ruin a week's auto-training on maintaining calm. However, without patience and endurance it is impossible to build a harmonious marriage, especially if it has reached a dead end.
The solution is to increase motivation. Remember the ultimate good goal - maintaining a relationship with a loved one. Every word spoken in the hearts falls on a negative scale. The burden of reproaches and insults can outweigh the years lived.
Try not to respond with accusations to nagging, do not get angry over trifles. Take a step back, go to the other side, try to hear the man. Behind scandals and discontent sometimes lies the need for female care, understanding, and tenderness.
It is wrong to assume that happy couples do not make efforts to maintain family warmth. Behind the external idyll lies enormous internal work, built on mutual respect, attention and support.
Step 3. Life is a game, and spouses are actors in it
If you can't change the situation, change yourself. Look at relationships from a different perspective. Play an interesting game “We swapped bodies.” For one evening or day, try on the role of your husband, and let him try to take your place. Those who have carried out such an experiment claim that they make a lot of interesting discoveries.
Such a staging really brings people together; things that seemed inexplicable become clear. You will see yourself from the outside and feel what your partner is experiencing without unpleasant showdowns. The feeling of play will relieve accumulated tension and return you to a carefree childhood. Try to play as honestly as possible so that Stanislavsky himself believes you.
Step 4. Learn to express sincere feelings
Some people find it difficult to express true emotions; they are often hidden under the guise of confidence and infallibility. Fear of opening your soul to your partner leads to resentment and irritation. Try to change the language of parting words and reproaches to the language of sympathy and care. Instead of the traditional “Why is it so late,” say “I was worried and waiting for you.” Your efforts will certainly be noticed and appreciated. Perhaps they will become the “golden key” that will destroy the impenetrable wall of misunderstanding.
If love is one way?
Passions are boiling, the heart is being torn to pieces, it is hard to imagine how just yesterday a dear and close person is today so alien and distant... The story is as old as the world, but every case is a new drama.
But you need to live on, and here the agony of love’s torment begins... One wise man said that there is nothing worse than an abandoned woman, and life shows us that you cannot find a more stupid creature. Where do reason and self-control suddenly go... Instead of creating a favorable climate for themselves to “lick their wounds,” girls sometimes do things that, years later, they themselves are amazed at how they managed to do this. Fortune tellers and sorcerers begin to visit, for whom this contingent is the main source of income. A man who has been wounded by love is often subjected to persecution and psychological attacks, in the form of hysterics and persuasion to “start all over again.” And probably only in isolated cases does the victim of unrequited love not fall into alcoholic oblivion...
But all the methods have been tested, but the expected result has not been achieved. He left and nothing can be done about it. You still have to live on.
So how can you live if you don’t succeed as you want? There is only one answer - to live as it turns out... Do not set impossible tasks and do not wait for fairy-tale endings. And the most important thing is not to sit back and revel in your grief, but to look for something interesting and positive in every moment of your life. Don't build sand castles and don't withdraw into yourself. Girls, girls, women, honey, just do something!!! Communicate with family, friends and preferably new people. Look for things in life that will make you smile more often.
Remember – it’s better to make mistakes and gain experience than to sit back!!! After all, every moment of life you live is unique and irrevocable, so live it to the fullest no matter what! And the person who left you deserves only oblivion...
He left you. And you love him. You can't live without him. You write to him every day with the hope that he will return to you. But it turns out to be in vain, he already has another toy.
How to survive all this? How to forget him? I also had such a situation in my life. Now I’ll tell you how I dealt with the problem.
If you love him, but he is no longer there
So, in these difficult moments, it seems to a person that life has completely lost its meaning and nothing good is expected in the future. These heavy thoughts haunt me; I don’t want to sleep, eat, or work. It is not at all surprising that in such a situation many make irreparable mistakes. How to soften the severity of separation?
I think you, like any other woman, made plans for a happy future together, in your dreams you pictured a family, children, and suddenly... like a bolt from the blue, a person disappears, pull yourself together!!!! Since he left, then he is superfluous in your destiny and he is not yours - it’s just a test drive for a happy family and your happy future.
Parting with a person who was special to you, who continues to occupy a place in your heart, if, of course, your feelings for him were sincere, is always painful. And surviving a breakup is difficult not only for those who were asked to break up, but also for those who initiated the breakup. Probably, you will be begged to return, and you yourself will hesitate in the correctness of your decision, but people do not break up out of the blue - do not forget about this. We offer the top 7 tips to help you survive the first weeks after a breakup.
- First of all, you need to make a promise to yourself, to act with dignity and reason and not to do anything stupid. It is better to write down this oath and stick it to the mirror so that it constantly reminds you of the promise and restrains you from various nonsense. This method may not seem too serious, but practice shows its effectiveness.
- Leaving go. Decide firmly whether you really want to separate forever or whether this is just a temporary separation. If, after weighing all the pros and cons of your ex-chosen one, you still came to the conclusion that he was wonderful and you are ready to fight for the relationship, fight. If not, then think about why you broke up, remind yourself of the reasons for your decision. Imagine that the shortcomings that you could not come to terms with now will irritate you even more over time. Be glad you saved yourself from this irritation.
- Let all your pain pour out, do not accumulate resentment. Cry into your pillow at night, scream, break dishes, write poetry. Find any other method that suits you. Don't isolate yourself. Find a way out for your grief, do not let it remain forever in your heart and on your soul as a heavy burden, and most importantly, so that in the future you do not have to resort to treatment for acute psychosis.
- Change your surroundings. If possible, go to another city for the weekend. Check out new places. It’s better to travel with a group of tourists – it’s more fun.
- Convince yourself that everything is being done for the better, that this is the only right decision for you. Try to realize that you are the winner, that he is not worthy, that a later separation would be more painful. Look for all the positives of your breakup and repeat them in your mind over and over again. And don’t even let the thought creep into your head that there is no life without him. And if such thoughts do appear, repeat that this is temporary and that it will soon pass. Remember all his shortcomings, think about them constantly, do not be afraid to exaggerate something. This is exactly what can help you now. And when the number of his sins becomes enormous, thank fate for saving you from this person in such a timely manner.
- You can start making repairs, getting rid of old furniture, remodeling, and designing your apartment.
- You should not call your ex-other half under any pretext. Since this call will not help you find your lost peace of mind, on the contrary, it will cause an influx of memories, you will feel an acute lack of his warmth, attention and love. There is no need to call even when you still have his things. It is better to pass them on through friends without making contact yourself.
- Memories are not your friend, don’t poison yourself with them. Avoid going to places that remind you of your ex-lover. Protect yourself from random encounters with him, as they say: “Out of sight, out of mind”! Remove things from your home that remind you of him (frames with shared photographs, delete joint photos from social networks, his gifts - vases, figurines), the less you remember about events related to him, the better and calmer your soul will be. Throw away or hide anything that reminds you of him. Because as soon as you see photos together and other little things, you will remember how you were together. It’s better to cut everything off and not remind anyone. It's a pity to throw it away? Give it to someone... gave things, toys? Take it to the orphanage for the kids.
- The first couple of days I sat at home and cried for hours. It's just necessary at a time like this. Cry, feel sorry for yourself a little. Just no more than two days.
- Throw yourself into your work. May you only have the strength to crawl to bed. The work will not leave time for melancholy and tears, for useless calls, tears, persuasion or accusations, which you might later regret, and therefore will thereby preserve your dignity, pride and self-respect. An interesting project will be a good help in getting out of depression. Work will help you take your mind off things, just don’t throw yourself into it forever.
- You spent a lot of time with your loved one, after the breakup there was a void in your life - the evenings have probably become less eventful, there may be a lack of communication, and you will feel lonely. It's time to start devoting more time to friends, restoring old friendships, visiting and having bachelorette parties. In the first days after breaking up, you can ask your sister or close friend to live with you, let her be like your personal psychiatrist for a while. And the presence of a loved one nearby, the need to take care that he is comfortable, will distract you from sad thoughts.
- You can find abandoned people like you on the Internet, chat with them, complain, pour out your soul. This is also useful.
- The next thing I did was meet my friend and drink a little alcohol. This is not necessary, it is allowed in small quantities in order to relax. Have fun. Gather your friends and go to a cafe or to the cinema with a group. If you don't like noisy companies... sit at home, grab your favorite movies and ice cream and spend a quiet, relaxing evening. And you can go to a disco or concert, where at least for a while you won’t think about him. Try to distract yourself. Your girlfriends and friends will help you with this. Go with them to a cafe, cinema or club, or better yet, change the environment altogether - if there is such an opportunity, buy a ticket to another city, country, travel. Distract yourself, if you've never gone to a gym, buy a membership! You will kill three birds with one stone: get yourself in shape, get distracted, and find new friends.
- Find and take full advantage of being alone. Believe me, there are not so few of them. Convince yourself that now you are not alone, you are free. And now there are more roads in life’s path before you. Love yourself, pamper yourself, allow yourself everything that was previously denied for some reason: clothes, massage, seaside holidays, discos. Let him see that you can not only live without him, but also become more beautiful, interesting and, most importantly, happy!
- Go out looking beautiful and well-groomed. Wear your favorite clothes and don't forget about makeup. Suddenly on the way you will meet your ex-lover. Let him not think that you can do just fine without him and live happily. One of the popular aphorisms of our time is “Lose weight, learn languages, grow your hair, and don’t talk about your past.” Surely now after work there is a lot of free time. It can be usefully spent in the gym, or, for example, by making face masks or foot baths at home. Taking care of your health and beauty will not be superfluous - who knows, suddenly very soon you will have a new object of attention.
- If it seems that this city smells like your ex, then you need to temporarily change your place of residence. I did just that. I went to another place where I met some funny guys. As a result, I fell in love with one of them and forgot about unhappy love, which is what I wish for you.
- Time heals, believe me, you will understand this later. The main thing is not to be alone all the time - communicate with people you are interested in, smile, in general - enjoy life! Then you will be ready to meet your true love.
- You shouldn’t find out from your Ex what was wrong and why he left! For one simple reason - it will give nothing but disappointment. Because, in most cases, they don’t blame themselves, they blame us! (For example, I’m tired of you, you’re insipid, the spark in our relationship has disappeared, I met someone else, you stopped exciting me, I’m tired of you with your quirks, the list is huge). Therefore, you should not go into the jungle of masochism and look for the reason in yourself, and in any breakup, both partners are equally to blame, but you should not ask what is your fault, have respect for yourself!
- Learn. Make a plan for yourself, in which you write down what you would like to learn and what you need to do for this. Take a floristry or scratching course. Hire a tutor and eventually conquer this English language, and if you conquer it, conquer a new one.
- Help others. Caring about other people will help you take your mind off things and look at your problems from a different angle. It’s likely that someone is much worse off than you right now. Find out who in your city needs help: maybe it will be kids from an orphanage who could use new toys, sweets and attention. Or maybe you will go to a local shelter and ask its director how to help people without a fixed place of residence. Or maybe your lonely neighbor, a pensioner, needs communication, and you and she will have a wonderful evening drinking a cup of tea and watching old Soviet comedies.
It is important to understand that a break is not the end, but rather the beginning of something new, brighter and happier. Open your heart to new love, and it will certainly come to you...
But most importantly, try not to become embittered at the entire world around you. Believe me: the black stripe will definitely be followed by a white stripe, bringing with it new happiness, new love and new life!
