Relationships with a married man: advice from a psychologist for a free woman, is there a future, is it worth starting a relationship, leaving the family?

The relationship between a free woman and a married man is a rather complex topic in psychology. Psychology does not consider an alliance that includes a married man and a free woman as a connection between two free, self-sufficient people. In such relationships, third parties are necessarily invisibly present: children, relatives, friends. One of the participants in such an alliance, in this case a woman, plays the role of second fiddle. Knowing and understanding this is very difficult to accept psychologically, especially considering individual character traits. There can be no talk of partnerships in which equality is the basis. A woman always sacrifices herself, her interests, time and personal ambitions.

Reasons for secret communication

There is an opinion in society that a mistress is a young unmarried girl with an attractive appearance. Only a wealthy man can afford to have such a passion. It’s like a doll, but it’s alive, so you definitely need to take care of it. A respectable suitor gives his young sweetheart various expensive gifts. In return he receives female affection and warmth, he feels good with her. Next to her, the man rests and relaxes from the routine of family life. This pattern of behavior is shown to us in films, books and other media.

Why doesn’t anyone consider options with a married lady? In life, everything is much more complicated and the connections between the sexes are more diverse. In most cases, a ringed guy does not need a living toy; he wants a girl next to him who will caress, support, and help him relax. Next to her, the lover feels like a full-fledged person, and not the father of a family from whom something is constantly required.

Extramarital relationships begin with simple friendship of the sexes, then slowly everything develops into something more.

Guys, in search of support and understanding, pay attention not only to girls, but also to girls their own age or to those who already have some life experience behind them. This category of female representatives is already married. A married lady will not rush to divorce her husband because she has met a “prince,” so at the beginning of secret meetings there is often intimacy and only then does a deeper relationship develop between a married man and a married woman.

Relationship difficulties3

Relationships with a mistress are not always built away from common interests and lovers meet at work. If two people are unlucky and their colleagues know about the relationship, then it will be impossible to avoid caustic comments. A woman is always followed by women with disdainful glances and, at the first opportunity, given an appraising glance.

If the lover is not a fury, ready to tear anyone apart, but modest, quiet, timid, then doubts begin to torment her. At this moment, the man also feels the pressure of the team, and the constant jokes from his colleagues do not allow him to forget about adultery. Thoughts swarm in my head, the first remorse sets in, and if at this time everything is fine, the wife does not nag and tries to devote all her time to him, then conflicting feelings arise.

Only a man should break the web, because he is alone, and there are two women next to him. Each of them expects to become one and only, but this does not happen and everything drags on for years. If one of them doesn’t lose her nerve and she gains the strength to cut herself out of the vicious relationship.

Convenience

A woman who agrees to the role of a mistress unconsciously tries on her boyfriend in the role of a future spouse. It is easier for a womanizer with a married mistress, because she already has a husband, and she hides this desire very deeply, living an ordinary life: home, work, friends and a secret affair. Before changing anything, she will think it over very carefully and only then make a decision, since changes in life in this case will affect every member of the family.

Thus, people in official relationships are comfortable meeting secretly, since no one demands anything from each other. Lovers think not only about themselves, but also about their families, and therefore relationships between married people can last a long time.

Additional benefits

Love between a married gentleman and an unfree lady has its advantages:

Variety in sex life. It is new sexual sensations that cause strong sympathy. During intimacy, both partners gain sexual experience. Everyone is calm about sexually transmitted diseases. Whatever the relationship, both remember their families, and STDs are not at all what both of them need.
An affair with a married lady does not hit the wallet hard on a non-free gentleman, because in this case it is difficult to present expensive things as a gift. The legal spouse may demand an explanation from her, and the wife of her cheating husband will also be interested in where the tidy sum went. You can’t come up with an explanation on the fly, so there is a high chance of exposure, which will lead to litigation, divorce, division of property, and others. Thus, a secret relationship with a married woman is extremely beneficial.
The secrecy of what is happening with a married woman will last much longer than with a young, free person. A mistress who has a family is most interested in secrecy, just like her boyfriend.
A married man will be able to save on gifts for his passion. He likes to keep everything secret and partners get new experiences in bed.

Peculiarities of behavior of a married partner

Relationships that involve a lack of commitment between married lovers become the key to a long-lasting relationship. However, the emergence of claims from one side or another begins to spoil them. As a rule, a woman who initially agreed to play a supporting role sooner or later begins to want to take the place of her legal spouse. Rare and short-term dates are no longer possible, which often leads to demands to end the relationship with his wife.

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Since a man needs to escape from his problems, he seeks what he is deprived of in marriage: satisfaction of his needs, tenderness, care and attention. Most often, relationships with a married lover are at the level of promises and cannot be further developed. He has already constructed a model of his life in which the state of things suits him. He does not intend to make any adjustments or fundamental changes to the already formed comfortable conditions.

Why do women get involved with other people's spouses?

It is generally accepted in society that it is the male representatives who are adventure lovers. In most cases, getting carried away by something new is problematic, and the search for adventure is transformed into climbing the career ladder or getting another position. Having affairs with a new flame can give a guy a sense of self-worth.

For women, this process is much more complicated. There are adventure lovers, but for the most part, an affair with someone else's spouse is a bold step that few can take. And, most likely, there were very good reasons for this. The reason could be:

Strained relationship with my husband. Often spouses who live together for a long time lose interest in each other. As a result, the spouse does not show any signs of attention and intimacy occurs only on holidays. Women's dissatisfaction and low self-esteem push them to commit treason.
Spouses may have different views on life and are at different levels of the social ladder. The reason is the difference in intellectual development.
If a girl got married early and has no life experience at all. Over time, her view on some things changes, she gains experience and looks at her marriage completely differently.
Revenge for the betrayal of your own spouse. Quite often this is one of the main factors in creating a love affair with someone else’s husband.

What is the danger

There are great dangers in an affair between lovers. The main thing is that this is a psychological trap into which a married woman and a married man fall. This happens as a result of betrayal by one of the married couple, when the other half wants revenge. A fleeting infatuation grows into great love and people begin to value each other no less than their own family.

They are looking for a way out of this difficult situation, since an unfree lover is no less valuable than a family. One gets the feeling that it is with this person that another pure and true love is possible, the kind that one dreams of all one’s life and writes about in books. But in most cases, these high feelings that arise between unfree people disappear over time. What's going on?

Psychology

The intrigue that ensues between people in marriage is different in that no one owes anything to anyone. Secret meetings cannot be called romantic; most likely, they are similar to spy games. Conspiracy is the main link that attracts lovers.

Often the so-called first love leads to the cessation of family ties. A young couple gets married, but from time to time memories of past love emerge. And when fate brings you together again with someone, feelings appear. As a result, new relationships arise that develop into a secret intrigue.

Thrilling sensations can cause an affair. People who are married are looking for something unforgettable and unusual. At the same time, simple intimacy often develops into a long-term union.

For an unfree lover and a married mistress, the psychology of relationships is complex and contradictory. In some cases, an extramarital union restores the fading feelings of a married couple, but often leads to the fact that it is easier for spouses to separate than to revive the past. It is especially difficult to resolve such a situation if there are children who are especially acutely aware of the imbalance in the lives of their parents.

Prospects

According to statistics, an extramarital love affair lasts about three years on average. At first there is passion, then cooling sets in and after three years the union is broken. There comes an understanding that the most valuable thing in life is your own family unit. They reconsider life with their legal spouses, trying to improve it. The experience gained on the side helps to cement the marriage.

If it so happens that you have an affair with someone else’s husband, try to enjoy it. There is no need to try on the role of a wife, because this will only end in disappointment.

It is better to avoid affairs with unfree people. This romance has no prospects and will continue as long as passion and love smolder in your chest, but as soon as you grow cold towards the object of your sympathy, everything will become a thing of the past.

An office romance is a type of extramarital affair. Flirting at work between colleagues develops into intimacy. This is mainly due to the fact that future lovers spend a lot of time together at the workplace, which is why employees begin to like each other.

It is rare, but it happens that such intrigues end successfully, a new strong family unit is created, and at the same time the divorce from the ex is painless, since the alliance with the husband or wife has exhausted itself. Husband and wife separate by mutual consent. But this is an exception to the rule. Most likely, everything will end prosaically.

How to properly break off a relationship?

A break with a lover often brings a lot of emotional distress to a woman. The consequences of ending a relationship can be dangerous for the state of the nervous system and lead to breakdowns, serious depression, and disorders. After the husband returns to his wife, the abandoned lover begins to think that she has been abandoned or betrayed, and even thoughts of suicide appear. There are often cases when a breakup ends in suicide attempts, deaths, and serious mental disorders.

To prevent the separation process from causing serious pain, psychology suggests using simple recommendations:

make new acquaintances, even try to start an easy love affair (it is better not to repeat a bad experience - it is recommended to enter into a new relationship with a man unmarried);
go on a trip or on a long vacation (it is advisable to go far from your usual places - a change in the previous way of life will have a positive effect on the state of the psyche, new impressions from the trip will significantly muffle mental torment);
do not delay the breakup - it is better to separate abruptly, without long separations (be sure to delete all contacts from the phone), it is recommended to avoid even short, fleeting meetings that only bring unpleasant discomfort;
think carefully about the separation - determine all the advantages of ending the extramarital affair, outline new plans.

It is also important not to hate your lover's spouse. Meetings and showdowns with your legal wife will end in tears, and the reason for revenge will lead to problems with the law.

Symptoms of falling in love with a busy gentleman

Female representatives know exactly how to make a male fall in love with them. Characteristic features of the beginning of the emergence of tender feelings will be light touches, unexpected meetings, long night conversations or correspondence, and so on. You can often hear: “I like a married man and I don’t know if it’s mutual. I want to understand."

An unringed guy will feel free and relaxed, but with gentlemen in marriage everything is different. Behavior largely depends on moral qualities and how much a person respects his family.

A spouse who wants to save his family will only look languidly, try to touch with his hand, or sigh sadly when they meet. It will not be easy for a decent family man to show his feelings. He will fight within himself, because he is ashamed in front of his legal wife, but at the same time he wants to be close to the object of his affections.

First signs

It is difficult for a married man to seriously fall in love with someone, since he is not ready to leave his family, but he cannot show love to the lady of his heart. You should pay attention to the hidden signs that a married man will show his sympathy for a married woman.

Usually he:

Writes on any occasion.
When you are nearby, you become cheerful or thoughtful.
Always tries to be the first to help.
The body is turned towards the object of sympathy, even if talking to another person.
Makes attempts to catch the eye.
Smiles for no reason.

The gentleman tries to maintain his distance, but at the same time there is a desire to get closer.

A sign of sympathy for a girl is the behavior of a schoolboy who has fallen in love for the first time. These include ridiculous phrases, reddening of the cheeks, and embarrassment. This is how an already married man shows his love.

If you have known the guy with the ring for a long time, it is easy to find out whether there is sympathy for your person. A person in love tries to curry favor with the person he likes; this awakens the gentleman to be better than he really is.

Which men most often have affairs on the side?6

Psychologists identify several types of men who are most often prone to cheating on the side.

Eternal teenager. Games of tanks and fun parties with a group of friends, extreme sports and sports, and of course girls - all this will stand above him more than his family and his legal wife.
Lovelace in years. Thus, by having a mistress on his side, he tries to assert himself, the desire to assert himself and even return the forgotten sensations of his former youth.
An extreme guy will break the hearts of women, collect them - about such people you can say that a girl is waiting for them in every port. For them, family life is boring and bland, but betrayal is akin to a spy action.
A male, strong and independent – confident and independent, sufficient and independent from his wife. And at the expense of his mistress, he asserts his ego. This is more like an alpha male in its purest form.

Seeker of the joys of life. The passion is gone, the wife is bored, everyday life and children are dubious joys of family life. And therefore, in connection with an affair, he will look for a beautiful life, having a beautiful mistress - this is more likely compensation, but not true feelings.
Collector. And this term says it all - for him, his wife is more like the main prize, and his mistresses are medals and certificates that he collects with a generous hand along his life’s path. He can powder his head, turn his head and captivate him, but no more - a married man uses a girl and you shouldn’t expect a serious relationship from him.
An unlucky walker - he will be tormented by doubts, looking for an answer to the question, to be or not to be, to look for a mistress or not. And if one appears, he is tormented by doubts about whether to leave his wife for his mistress. But most often his wife suits him and he has no intention of leaving.
Victim of basic instinct. But more often than not, it’s not even the physiology of the man that lies here, but also the fault of the wives themselves – their severity, manipulation and the fact that they make sex into such a control tool.

These are the main types of men who most often walk to the left.

conclusions

There are many reasons why a married man thinks about cheating. Sometimes this is a cooling towards his wife or just a desire to try the thrill. Guys are possessive by nature, and when they find out about the infidelity of their other half, they will not cheat in response, they will simply break up, since they cannot allow the woman to belong to someone else. But at that time he can easily take a mistress on the side.

Having a mistress for a male most often means getting pleasure. It may be bad from a moral point of view, but extramarital affairs have existed since ancient times and will not disappear anywhere as long as man lives on earth.

When a lover is an outlet

The psychology of relationships between long-time lovers over time moves into a state where the initial passions subside, and the man is drawn to the woman out of habit. She created a special cozy atmosphere for her lover, so he feels more comfortable on the side than in the family:

she is undemanding;
I am sincerely glad to see him;
ready to listen and support in any situation;
does not make claims and does not provoke conflicts.

Such an idyll can last for years, but on condition that the girl is silent and patient. As a result, a relationship with a lover becomes like visiting a psychotherapist who helps relieve tension, talk it out, and restore peace of mind. In the current circumstances, the husband does not consider any future prospects with this woman; he does not want to change anything, since he knows firsthand what family life is.

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