What can you write to your ex-boyfriend after a breakup?
If you are at fault:
- My happiness only has your face.
- With our parting, all the stars in the sky went out for me. Without you I wander in the dark.
- I have only one desire left - to go back to the past and correct what happened. Alas, it will never come true.
- By losing you, I lost a part of myself.
- There are no ideal people. If you could forgive me, I would prove how strong my feelings are for you.
- Do you remember how we... (walked in the park, loved to lie on the sofa together, roller skated). I really miss this.
- Separation from you is the worst punishment for my actions. I still hope that you will come back.
- I realized that I don't want to do 3 things. 1) to be separated from you; 2) fall asleep without you; 3) drink coffee in the morning alone.
I thought that after parting, the love in my heart for you would fade away. But it's the other way around. The flames grew so hot that it became difficult to breathe without you.
- I wish I could take back all the pain I caused you. After all, you are the most dear person in the world to me.
Here's what else you can write to a guy to make him understand that you need him.
If your ex-boyfriend is to blame, here’s what you can write to him after the breakup:
- Let's start all over again? Without quarrels, tears, insults, omissions and reproaches.
- Recently I was going through my things and saw a photo of us together. We are so happy with it. Maybe we should try to find happiness together again?
- I saw your favorite candies in the store. I immediately thought of you and bought them. Would you like to pop in for a cup of tea and discuss a truce?
- I no longer have the strength to be offended or angry with you. There is only strength for love or friendship. What do you think about that?
- It turns out that watching a movie alone on the couch is not as interesting as watching it with you. We urgently need to make peace!
- Do you remember how it was when you were a child? Make up, make up, and don’t fight anymore... let’s make up for the last time, and if you mess up, I’ll bite you?
- I love myself the way I was next to you: happy and loved. If there is even a slight chance of repeating everything, let me know.
- I've prepared a truce dinner! I also bought a bottle of truce wine and truce fruit! I propose to bury the hatchet and move on to negotiations at the table. Agree?
If you feel as bad without me as I do without you, call me.
- They say that from love to hate there is one step... But I have only love for you, no matter what.
Alternatively, try beautiful poems to touch his heart...
Silent parting. Who is it good for?
My client Sveta is crying bitter tears. Her loved one, whom she dated for over a year, has been silent for several weeks. Of course, he is silent for a reason. They had a big fight. And for the first few days she didn’t want to ask him anything either. But then Sveta was the first to write timidly: “Hello. How are you?" But the beloved did not answer. Then he didn’t answer a couple more of the same harmless questions. And he is still silent. And she practically goes crazy, racking her brains over the reason for his silence. I look at her with sadness and remember another client who also cried almost the entire consultation, repeating and repeating: “Why did he do that...”
Men don't really like to sort things out. This is true. And when they want to end the relationship - even more so.
No matter what they write in various smart books about proper separation, but most often people break up the way they know how: sometimes in the hope of escaping from possible pain and discomfort, sometimes deliberately wanting to inflict this same pain on their partner.
There seems to be nothing to add about those cases when a person wants to escape from possible pain. Well, a person is weak, well, he wants to spread straw for himself, he runs like a wounded animal, either from himself, or from something else. But he runs harmlessly, without the obsessive goal of revenge or destruction. This is a strategy that is completely understandable to each of us. Of course, not the most pleasant for the other side, which is rushing around in the dark.
By the way, my second client Anya has a similar story, about whom, as I wrote above, I thought for a whole month that everything was fine with her young man. He simply asked her to temporarily live with her parents until he finished renovating his apartment. And after some time he disappeared. I just stopped picking up the phone. She was so excited that she rushed to his parents. And they were very surprised and said that their son had announced their separation to them a couple of weeks ago because he had another girlfriend. And I already introduced my parents to this girl.
Such a separation did not fit into Anya’s picture of the world. Her young man, just as in the case of Sveta, on the eve of their separation, made joint plans and spoke tender words.
The cognitive dissonance. Such a fashionable phrase now. That is, in words (and often in front of our eyes, and sometimes at the level of feelings) one thing - in reality in the form of actions it is completely different.
And an explosion of the brain and feelings - HOW CAN THIS BE
However, if “Elephant” is written on a cage with a tiger, don’t believe your eyes. That is, you can, of course, build your own castles in the air, come up with unthinkable excuses and give yourself hopes. But this will not change the homespun simple truth. The man left in English without saying goodbye.
I think that in the case of Sveta, this may also be true. And enough time has passed for him to find at least some words for his girlfriend, even if she’s already an ex. And she herself asked to answer at least something (we must give her credit - she did not demand or insist on an answer).
However, I want to note once again that just a sudden disappearance is not the most painful way to break up. Because sometimes sudden disappearance is a well-thought-out strategy.
“Why is everything so complicated?” - you ask. There can be quite a few reasons. Let's look at some of them.
I don't want to break up, but that's what I decided
Men are determined and active creatures. Therefore, quite often it seems to them that strong feelings prevent them from achieving some other goals in life. Therefore, they can simply make such a decision in an instant, like turning a switch. And that’s it – there’s already a different person in front of you. This can bring down a woman’s world, even if not for long, but still bring it down. Because the same cognitive dissonance and artificial shutdown of feelings may take place here. In general, a complete set for unfinished action.
I want her to run after me
As comical as this strategy is, this is a rather unpleasant situation for a woman. Her man may not want to break up with her, but he acts as if he has already broken up. Doesn't answer, doesn't give any hints. And all in the hope that the woman will seek a conversation and answers to her questions. In general, he will run around and humiliate himself.
But quite often this strategy of imaginary separation leads to real separation. Both get tired, lose trust, faith and hope. And then clarifying or establishing relationships becomes no longer relevant. The most unpleasant thing about such a strategy is that the process itself is so exhausting and incinerates the soul that both parties (and not just the woman) can then take a long time to recover.
I want her to suffer
This is the most dangerous strategy. And like any form of revenge, it is very destructive for the person who chose such a strategy.
So why are there people who want to build such strategies?
“She didn’t want to do as I asked her. She mocked me,” one of my clients practically protested. So it was actually difficult to say, since this man is not ready to negotiate with his girlfriend. It didn’t come to revenge there, but he was teetering on the brink. I really wanted to make my ex-lover suffer. Although formally this man did nothing special. He simply did not want to discuss travel and financial issues. Therefore, what could have been resolved in one conversation stretched out over weeks of correspondence through friends and social media. Networks. As a result, there were various kinds of losses on both sides, but the man was not going to give up. In his own way, he was even proud of himself. He is proud of the fact that he creates inconvenience for his former beloved woman and makes her suffer. Of course, after such separations there is no longer talk of any friendship or friendly relations. In addition, other people who by chance happen to be nearby are also drawn into such strategies.
So, in conclusion, I want to say that parting is a test for any person. A test for different parts of his soul.
And parting is not one offensive phrase, and not even the only difficult conversation. Breaking up is not an easy process for a single day.
And, as in any process, during the separation process something can go wrong: not the way you would like, not the way you imagined before. And in general it’s just completely wrong.
If you suddenly suspect that this is exactly your case, then try to make a very small effort on yourself, and take a very small step towards your partner. This step is needed not at all so that you will definitely connect again (although sometimes this also happens), but in order to let each other go in an amicable way, leaving in your soul moments of joy and happiness that certainly were in your relationship.
Comments:
- 15.07.2019
Olga:
I wrote to mine: “My whole life has turned into a silent black and white movie without you.” The guy was shocked by my grief. But he told about it long after the reconciliation.
- 17.07.2019
Lina:
You only need to return your loved one if you broke up with your boyfriend because of your mistake, and not because of constant quarrels. Try to show that you can be trusted and will change. Gifts and “sweet” words will not help here.
- 22.07.2019
Diana:
Much depends on the reason for the separation, if the banal: “We don’t get along,” then you shouldn’t write anything to him at all, erase the number, forget. It’s another matter, as sometimes happens, out of stupidity, if you quarreled over something (for the first time). Let me put it simply - with true love, no words are needed, everything will become clear (by the look).
- 13.08.2019
Elena:
If a guy behaved unworthily, then he has no reason to write such poetry. And if you quarrel out of stupidity, which often happens, then you can try to get it back...
- 25.08.2019
Karina:
Many of these SMS are very touching. We love our guys for the feeling of happiness around them. Yes, and they give us the same))
- 29.08.2019
Kate:
If he is to blame, then write that you are leaving for Sochi, where you are going to have fun. Let him bite your elbows!
- 05.01.2020
Elena:
My beloved and I met at school, but we broke up due to his stupid jealousy and my resentment. I constantly thought and remembered how great it was together. Everyone said it was nonsense, get it out of your head. And I couldn't forget. 10 years have passed since the breakup, and I wrote to him on social networks. And all without words. We confessed our feelings to each other. Then we met. And all without words. And incredibly happy together)
Why do they write such letters?
Why write to your ex-boyfriend? There is no clear answer to this question, just as there are no similar stories of relationships and breakups. Each girl who takes up the pen pursues her own goals, and not always plausible ones.
Someone writes, secretly harboring hope for the return of a loved one. Some people just want to talk about their feelings because for some reason they didn’t have time to do this earlier. Others need a letter to their ex-boyfriend to make him cry and realize how stupid he was, as people say, “to bite his elbows.” And some people just feel bad and need to talk frankly with someone.
It is not so important what the reasons for writing a farewell message are. If there is a spiritual need for this action, then you don’t need to think about what the guy’s reaction will be or what his girlfriends will think about, you should just sit down and write.
Psychologists believe that such letters contribute to emotional recovery after a breakup. In other words, they help people cope with grief, disappointment, and resentment. Therefore, there is no need to think about why to do this, you need to think about what to write to your ex-boyfriend.
What should such a letter be like?
Of course, a letter to an ex-boyfriend must be sincere. But in addition to this, without a doubt, the main task, it must meet a number of other requirements. It is no secret that the perception of information, and the world around us in general, is completely different for boys and girls. Women and men do not have the same attitude towards the expression of feelings. In other words, what can touch a girl may well leave a guy indifferent or even irritate him.
Before you start writing a letter to your ex-boyfriend, you need to think and remember exactly how he reacted to certain romantic gestures, feature films, books, or any life events.
This is extremely important, because the letter is addressed to a specific person, it is designed to evoke certain emotions in him. Accordingly, the guidelines for writing should be the characteristics of emotional perception and preferences, tastes. According to psychologists, having thought about what the letter will be like, many girls realize that they have absolutely no idea of the inner world of their ex-boyfriend. And this leads to an understanding of the reasons for the breakdown of relationships and often even their resumption. After all, not every girl at the beginning of a relationship analyzes the behavior of her beloved based on an analysis of his inner world.
If you base your writing only on your own ideas, then you may not only fail to achieve the desired result, but also make the situation even worse. For example, a girl loves poetry, is a passionate, romantic and impressionable person, capable of being moved to tears while watching a film. Her ex-boyfriend, by personality, is a pragmatist, a materialist, who considers public or overly violent manifestations of feelings inconvenient. Based on her own emotional preferences, the girl believes that the beautiful poems she sent will bring the young man to tears and touch his heart. And he will immediately run to her, fall to his knees and begin to beg for forgiveness and a second chance.
However, in reality, everything happens exactly the opposite. The guy not only doesn’t come running in tears, he also blacklists his ex-girlfriend on all social networks and directly on his phone.
Why is this happening? Because when writing the message, the girl was guided solely by her own preferences. It is her, and not the young man, who can be moved by poetry to tears. A materialist guy needs something completely different. A laconic and short letter, figuratively speaking, “to the point,” would have hurt him and made him think about whether the breakup was a mistake.
However, the advice to be guided when writing a message by the peculiarities of the emotional perception of the ex-boyfriend does not at all force the girl to pretend. The point is only about expressing your feelings and thoughts in a way that is understandable and intelligible to the young man. The experiences themselves, without a doubt, must be real.
You should also be guided by the preferences of your ex-boyfriend in other characteristics of the letter - text length, design, speech style, and others.
“I like your new avatar!”
Cat videos and funny memes are sure to melt anyone's heart, but social media can sometimes be a real minefield of memories. Even the cutest cats won't stop you from noticing the new avatar of your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
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If love for this person still lives in you, it is better to unfollow him on social networks. In them, people usually post the best photos and generally try to appear better than they are. This obviously will not help you overcome tender feelings.
How to write in verse?
Poetry is a genre loved by many women, and it’s not for nothing that most poets are men. Before you decide to send a letter to your ex-boyfriend in poetry, it is worth considering how receptive he is to poetry. You also need to pay attention to the length of the letter. You shouldn't write a ballad in several chapters. Even the most romantic young man in the world will not be delighted by the need to read something like the Iliad or Eugene Onegin. Moreover, by the end of reading the guy will simply forget what was said at the beginning.
When writing a message in verse, it makes sense to leave something unsaid and not go into detail. It is quite possible to take any lyrical modern song as a role model. If your ex-boyfriend has a favorite performer, then it makes sense to use his lyrics as the basis of the letter.
The most important rule of what a letter from a girl containing poetry and addressed to an ex-boyfriend should be is the originality of the text. You should not take ready-made poems from the Internet. Having received such a message, the young man will not feel like he is the only one in the world; on the contrary, such poetry is an indicator of a completely different attitude. This shows how little the person means to the letter writer. However, poems can be used as a basis and sent to your loved one, replacing some of the words in them with your own.
Example of a farewell letter
This is what a prosaic letter to an ex-boyfriend could look like. Example text:
“Hello, (young man’s name). Of course you are surprised that you received the letter. But otherwise I can’t convey to you what I’m thinking about; I don’t find the courage and strength in myself. It is obvious to me that we could not maintain our love. Our relationship became filled with routine, it turned into a kind of obligation that did not bring joy.
I'm very sorry about what happened. But one of us must take the first step, take responsibility and end this relationship, in which there is no place for love, but only friendship and mutual affection. I want to ask you for forgiveness for everything that I have ever offended or hurt. And, of course, I forgive myself.
Even though we won't be able to be together as a couple, friendship between us is quite possible. With gratitude to you, sincerity and honesty (girl's name)."
List of things they do wrong
If the breakup occurred on your initiative, then you probably had reasons for it. For example, you realized that you are developing in completely different directions with this person. In any case, you should not list them to him - even if he asks for it.
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This doesn't mean you shouldn't clarify the reason for the breakup. But if your ex is texting after a breakup asking for more information, keep your focus narrow: pick one thing that would actually be useful for him to know. Constructive criticism can be helpful, but even good things require moderation.
Should you write about your love?
A love letter to an ex-boyfriend requires much more care and thoughtfulness in the content. A girl who is having a hard time with a breakup in a relationship or regrets it, as a rule, projects her own emotions onto the young man.
Often young women are confident that all they have to do is say or write about their love, admit their feelings, and everything around them will change, as if by magic. But, unfortunately, miracles do not happen. Before confessing your feelings, especially in the form of a letter, you need to try to look at the current situation and the broken relationship objectively, without “rose-colored glasses.”
How decent is the guy to whom the letter will be addressed? Is there a possibility that he will simply start boasting about it, boasting to his friends? Is there really a chance that the young man is bored and also regrets the breakup? Letters with declarations of love to ex-boyfriends are not always appropriate and bring the desired result.
Probably everyone has seen at least once a wonderful Soviet film called “Office Romance”. However, not everyone will remember that in addition to Novoseltsev’s story, it also told another love story. Of course, we are talking about the relationship between Samokhvalov and Ryzhova. The heroine, played by Svetlana Nemolyaeva, was just writing love letters to Yuri. However, they evoked in him nothing but pity and contempt.
But this does not mean that there is no need to confess your love. There are no identical situations and life circumstances under which a gap occurred between people. What will bring harm to one will become a second chance for personal happiness for another.
What to write about?
It would seem that the question of what the letter should be dedicated to has a simple answer - the feelings experienced. But everything is not as easy as it seems at first glance. If you sit down at the table and write down everything you want to say, you will definitely end up with a chaotic and long message. Or, on the contrary, a short note full of grievances and insults. Therefore, the question of what to write to your ex-boyfriend is important.
To begin with, you just need to put down on paper what comes to mind. This will be a kind of draft, the content of which will help you understand your own motives and determine the purpose of the message. This point is extremely important, since a letter sent to restore a relationship cannot be similar to one whose purpose is to cause remorse and guilt. Girls experiencing a breakup with a loved one do not always know what exactly they want to achieve by sending a letter to their ex-boyfriend. Therefore, psychologists recommend putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, carefully rereading what you have written, trying to perceive the text “from the outside.”
Of course, it is extremely important not to be disingenuous with yourself. It is not always easy to admit the true motives of your desires and actions. Many girls are even ashamed of their feelings, believing that they indicate a lack of pride, dignity, and self-respect. But only by being extremely sincere with yourself can you understand the true motivation and, of course, decide on the goals of the letter. This is important because the purpose dictates the content and style of writing. In other words, only by understanding your own emotions can you understand what to write to your ex-boyfriend.
How to say goodbye by letter?
Letters are not always sent after a breakup; sometimes they are necessary just when you want to end the affair. Contrary to popular belief, it can be very difficult for girls to part with young men. Not everyone is able to have a frank conversation and sort things out. In such a situation, letters help.
A farewell letter to an ex-boyfriend should be written in a respectful and friendly tone. In a message informing a person about the end of a relationship, poetry should not be used. There is also no need to allow ambiguity in the text, or give up hope for the resumption of the romance.
The key requirements for the content of a farewell letter are honesty and respect towards the recipient. By following them, it is quite possible to avoid the pain of a breakup and remain good friends.
