In many families, conflicts and quarrels arise, during which spouses say hurtful words to each other and try to touch a nerve. After an overly emotional showdown, an unpleasant aftertaste remains in the soul. Most often, women suffer from quarrels. After all, they are more vulnerable and take offensive words to heart. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, advice from psychologists will help.
Reasons for disrespectful treatment
Not all family relationships successfully stand the test of time. Love, care and trust gradually give way to everyday problems and misunderstandings . Let's add to this the inability to take into account the opinions of others, selfishness, because not many are ready to give up habits and principles for the sake of preserving the family.
Gradually, the spouses begin to notice the shortcomings of their halves, and over time they become completely irritated about this.
Important! Disrespect in the family does not arise spontaneously and suddenly. Perhaps the young man had been storing up grievances for a long time, then had a nervous breakdown.
If a scandal breaks out in a family, it is necessary to understand the reasons. It is better to do this after the negative emotions have subsided.
Problems at work
Let's imagine a situation: there is a rush at work, and even an angry boss is always dissatisfied with the work of his subordinates. The husband comes home irritated.
Who do we usually take our anger out on? Of course, on people dear to us. And any little thing can cause a storm of emotions and throw you off balance.
Mistress
The emergence of a third personality radically changes family relationships. The guy deliberately provokes scandals at home. Thus, he convinces himself that his wife is not so ideal, and this justifies betrayal.
Copies father's behavior
Why does a husband sometimes disrespect or even humiliate his wife? It often happens that the head of the family behaves the same way as his father. He just doesn’t know any other model of behavior. It does not contain information on how to properly treat the weaker sex.
Sadistic tendencies
How should a wife react to humiliation? Sadistic men intentionally offend while getting pleasure. By causing suffering, they assert themselves. This, of course, is considered a mental disorder.
Why doesn't my husband respect me anyway?
If you know how to set boundaries, but your husband still doesn’t respect you, then there are 2 reasons for this:
He is sure that you will not go anywhere
If he sees that any of his actions are forgiven and you definitely cannot leave, then he will take you for granted. Therefore, he will not respect you.
You scare, but you don't
For example, it is unpleasant for you that your husband walks in street shoes on a washed floor, therefore, he does not appreciate your work. You, in turn, begin to frighten: “okay, I’ll stop doing anything around the house,” but after a couple of hours you pick up a sponge again and wash the dishes, cook food for the whole family and wipe off the dust.
Even if at first he thought about your words, then when he sees that you continue to do housework as if nothing had happened, he begins to take your words lightly.
If you are with a sane person, then the reason for his disrespect lies in you - either you incorrectly define and do not respect your boundaries, or you get involved with a person who does not respect anyone but himself.
How to teach an offender a lesson?
How can you make yourself valued and respected? Disrespect cannot be ignored. Otherwise, insults will become a habit and become a standard response to any irritant.
Let's consider some advice from psychologists on how to teach a lesson correctly, but at the same time save the family.
Don't talk
One of the effective punishments for the offender is ignorance. Warn that from now on a boycott will be declared and all conversations will stop. The main thing is to keep your word . If you have a strong desire or great need to convey important information (especially when there are children in the family), you can write SMS or notes.
Men, although the stronger sex, really need live communication and affection. When this is not achieved, discomfort appears and former self-confidence disappears.
Of course, such behavior requires a lot of effort from a woman, because we also love to talk. But it’s worth gathering all your will into a fist to convey your truth.
Attention! Showing coldness and disinterest, you need to stop all attempts to provoke a conversation.
While you’re not talking, take care of yourself: change your image, go in for sports . Demonstrate the behavior of an independent and happy woman. Book a photo session and post beautiful photos on social networks. Visit beautiful places, chat with friends, relax in pleasant company - gain positivity.
Rest assured: everything is boiling and bubbling inside him. Personal experiences in such a situation will push you to reconsider your behavior and admit mistakes.
Denial of sex
You should refuse intimacy very carefully. Remembering that when men experience prolonged abstinence, they are capable of inappropriate actions . And it may turn out that with your own hands you pushed your husband to cheat.
It would be more correct to leave the family bed and sleep, for example, in the next room. Your loved one will quickly miss your hugs and your tenderness and will begin to take steps towards you.
Leaving home
Psychologists suggest not running away from home during a scandal, but consciously leaving and taking time out for a few days. Leave him alone with your anger. Visit your parents or just relax for a few days in a quiet, cozy place. This outcome of events is the most favorable for both of you.
The culprit will understand how empty and lonely the house is without his beloved. And you can calm down and put your thoughts in order.
Attention! Don't drag out your mini-vacation for a week. Let the maximum absence last 2-3 days.
At the moment when you leave, you should not set an ultimatum, for example, that you will not return until an apology is received.
Performing similar acts
Another quite effective way. Applicable in all cases except adultery.
Through mirroring, give the opportunity to feel all the pain and grievances that you have received. For example, if a promise is not kept, you will also have to give your word and not keep it. Teach the liar a lesson by admitting that you were also dishonest with him in a delicate situation. Later, when peace reigns in the family, we can admit that everything was done on purpose.
Having felt this from his own example, the next time a man will think about whether he needs to deceive and offend his soul mate again.
Agree to change roles. Try to adopt each other's behavior for one day. If your husband does not answer calls every day, is late at work, does not pay attention and verbally abuses you, the “mirror” technique is an excellent option to show how it looks from the outside.
Stop caring about your husband
If they don’t appreciate how hard you try, if you want to please, stop doing it. Leave the ungrateful person without a tasty dinner several times, “forget” to wash his things. Does he think that you are doing nothing while sitting at home? Well, it's time to take a break from household chores and really spend a couple of days in front of the TV, computer or with friends.
To save the family, the wife must behave with dignity and wisdom. If you decide to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, do it subtly, but so that he understands the mistake.
An example of correctly constructed boundaries with my husband
If your boundaries are built correctly, then in your relationship there will be:
Respect
Your husband will understand that you are a living person with your own feelings and emotions, and also that you cannot behave unworthily with you, otherwise you will not be with him.
It will be enough for him to hear once that you are unpleasant in order to correct his actions, he will listen to you.
Love
A person who does not love himself is not able to give love to others. Having worked on your self-esteem and personal boundaries, you will only strengthen your feelings with your husband, as you will reach a new level of relationship.
Understanding
The person will understand you, and due to your healthy self-esteem, he will know how to behave with you and how not to.
With correctly constructed boundaries, you do not need to repeat the same thing several times, and also achieve his location through dirty manipulations and revenge.
Treason and disrespect
This situation causes a very strong wound to a woman.
Usually not many people manage to cope with it. Some are tempted to immediately break off the relationship. In some ways this is justified, but in reality it’s worth trying to find another way out. You can declare a boycott and completely ignore your spouse. This approach is effective, but also risky, since the man can simply leave for another. A more effective approach would be to demonstrate indifference to the situation. Pretend that nothing happened and you don’t care about anything. As a rule, remorse will force your significant other to ask for forgiveness and correct their behavior.
In life you need to have one important principle - always pick up the phone if a loved one calls you. Even if you are offended by him, even if you don’t want to talk, and even more so if you just want to teach him a lesson. You definitely need to pick up the phone and listen to what he has to tell you. Perhaps it will be something really important. But life is too unpredictable, and who knows if you will ever hear this person again.
Instead of a scandal, a conversation
Serious conversation
It is necessary to avoid two extremes in behavior with a man.
- The first of them is constant scandals. Some women tend to provoke conflict situations in order to make their partner guilty. And after the goal is achieved, begin to manipulate it.
Against the background of grievances, such women are provided with a certain psychological comfort with very tangible benefits as a reward.
It would be more correct to strive to call a man for a confidential conversation. In this case, phrases should be unemotional and specific. Simple words reach men more easily, while hysterics and angry speeches are not perceived by them. Note! First try to express your complaints, and then express your wishes.
How to behave with a man in bed before and after a quarrel
The quarrel becomes a thing of the past as soon as a way out is found. Do not remember grievances or suspicions.
In bed, avoid the following topics:
- unsaid claims;
- doubts about honesty;
- new discontent.
If after a quarrel the desire for intimacy has not yet arisen, say directly that you are worried about what happened and are not in the right mood.
Don't let conflicts affect your intimate relationships.
What is revenge in a love relationship?
Revenge in love has its own distinctive characteristics that cannot be compared with ordinary revenge on a colleague, friend or rivals. It is largely driven by the desire to restore justice, because the girl feels offended by the action of her beloved man, and her self-esteem is greatly hurt. And such revenge is, first of all, an attempt to show a man what kind of girl he lost or offended, and how he should regret his decision. Revenge in a love relationship manifests itself especially well in the case of a man’s betrayal - here it is very important for a girl to get a feeling of satisfaction after what happened, to hurt the man in such a way that he would feel even more unpleasant than she would from the betrayal. At the same time, we should not forget that in some cases, instead of revenge, it is better to choose a break in the relationship or completely forget about this man and not waste your time and nerves on him. For example, if a man uses physical force on a girl, does not value her personal development, or constantly makes her feel guilty about something.
When to take revenge and when to forgive
Depending on the severity of the case, sometimes it will be more correct to forgive your loved one, and sometimes you simply cannot do without revenge. If the reason for your problematic situation is not too complex and serious (a simple quarrel over trifles, a breakup due to the fact that you do not get along in character), you should not waste your energy and nerves here for the sake of revenge. It is worth taking revenge in those situations when a loved one treated you rudely and unforgivably, humiliated your dignity or disgraced you.
Revenge is needed in order to calm your own soul, so if the desire for revenge constantly bothers you and does not allow you to sleep peacefully, it is better to do it. If there is no particularly burning desire, but only those around you advise you to take revenge, or such a thought accidentally arises, it means that this is not so important for you and you do not need to waste your time on such an activity. Therefore, before you begin to take revenge, you need to sit down and carefully weigh all the pros and cons. Whichever side wins in the end is the side you should stand on.
A psychologist's advice will help you cope with the desire for revenge.
Psychologists say a lot about revenge. Before taking revenge, psychologists recommend sitting down and thoroughly remembering how many warm and kind moments there were between you. If the amount of happiness in your relationship far outweighs the pain of resentment or separation, revenge is inappropriate. It is better to understand and let go of your loved one if it is too difficult to come to terms with the insult received. Experts also advise to first find out whether there really is grounds for revenge. The fact is that sometimes we make mistakes in our judgments, mistakenly believe the words of strangers who envy our happiness, etc. For example, some girls begin to take revenge on a guy for cheating, and then it turns out that there was no cheating - this there was gossip from rivals or envious women.
