Step-by-step strategy on how to get your relationship back ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

Renewing a relationship with an ex is a common topic that worries many girls. So, is it worth doing this?

It happens that some time after parting with your loved one, for one reason or another, fate brings you together, and the spark runs through again. Or, perhaps, it was after the breakup that you realized the value of your partner and your true feelings for him, and now you definitely want to renew them. Or time has passed, and you realized that you truly love and the reason for separation is not at all so important.

How to get your ex back if you still love him

The first thing you need to do is decide whether trying to get back together is really a good idea..

Perhaps you are simply not right for each other and ending the relationship was the logical conclusion. This is the first option.

And the second, more common situation: separation due to unwillingness or inability to listen and compromise.

Excessive emotionality in communication could lead to another quarrel, in the heat of which hurtful words were spoken, causing a breakup.

And even when the emotions have subsided and the opportunity has arisen to think about the causes of the conflict, the fear of taking the first step leads to a sad ending.

He thinks that he is not needed and leaves. But she doesn't stop him. Pride does not allow her to do this and ask for forgiveness. so what? Which situation is closer to you?

If the first, then there is no point in returning the relationship.

But if the other one and you are sure that the feelings have not gone away, but have simply become hostage to pride and fear, then, of course, it is worth trying to improve the relationship.

So where do you start? After a breakup, the established connection is usually lost and former lovers stop seeing each other.

If you are thinking about how to get your ex back and, most importantly, how to improve your relationship with him, you will have to find him and establish contact again. In this case, most likely, there will be certain awkward feelings, but you need to find the courage in yourself and talk to him again. And not just any way, but truly sincerely, so that he feels your desire to start everything from scratch.

If you broke up because of your betrayal: the most difficult option

Cheating is what many men and women cannot forgive.

If you had a permanent lover, then in order to get your husband back, you need to prove your love

But if women, especially married ones, still try to save the family and take their husband back, then the opposite sex regards such a mistake as a betrayal and humiliation of their own dignity.

Is it possible to try to save the union after this, to return the former love?

Much depends on what kind of betrayal took place:

a long affair with another man;
casual affair;
connection with a former lover;
only hugs and kisses, no intimacy;
virtual flirting.

If you had a permanent lover, then in order to get your husband back, you need to prove your love , shower him with affection and attention. But even this is not a guarantee that the spouse will forgive.

It’s a little easier if the connection was accidental, out of spite or in revenge on the partner. But even in this case, a desire for reconciliation on both sides is necessary.

Sometimes, due to lack of attention from their husbands, women open accounts on social networks and flirt with unfamiliar men.

Be sure to read:

How to survive a separation from your wife: 5 mistakes men make after divorce

Of course, this can lead to a breakup of the couple, but this type of “betrayal” is the most innocent, and if both partners listen to each other’s claims, solve everyday problems, misunderstandings and mutually make concessions, then the old relationship can be resumed.

Call him

Many people find it very difficult to meet their ex-partners face to face. But you don't have to see him in person to start a dialogue that will improve your relationship.

Nowadays this problem can be solved very easily - just call him

(write an SMS, send an email).

First, think carefully about what you want to talk to him about, and only after that dial his phone number (or start writing a letter). Choose your words carefully. Speak in a warm and friendly manner.

About what? Find out how he is doing, how he feels. Thank you for the pleasant moments you had in your relationship. And which you are pleased to remember.

Such questions, of course, will not help you regain the relationship right away, but they will allow you to maintain a conversation for the time necessary to determine his reaction to your call: whether there is irritation, resentment or anger in his voice.

If the conversation is quite comfortable for both of you, then you can move on to the next stage - hint that you want to improve the relationship (at least friendly to begin with) and arrange a meeting

What should you know before getting back together with your ex?

It is important to understand that you should not rush headlong into the pool again. Take a time out and weigh the pros and cons. We will try to talk about what you need to pay attention to before resuming a relationship with your ex.

Two factors can have the greatest effect on what your relationship might be like after a breakup: the style of your last conversation and the time that has passed since the breakup.

Resumption

Breakup style

If there are countless reasons for separation, then there are only two styles of separation - friendly or bad.

Like good (or not so good) friends, people who most often break up are emotionally mature people, people or those who mutually decided that parting is the best option for them. After such a breakup, it will not be difficult for you to renew your relationship with your ex - the burden of resentment will not put pressure on you.
When breaking up according to the second option, we often insult each other, trying to hurt our partner as much as possible. In addition, our friends and families, who may also harbor a grudge against you for their loved one, are more or less drawn into this stormy separation.

Time

Time is a key factor influencing your future. No matter how strong the grievances are, time has the magical property of allowing us not only to forget, but also to reconsider the situation and our role in it. We grow up, gain experience, and as a result, what seemed to us a terrible misfortune even a year or two ago, today may seem like a complete trifle.
Psychologists recommend that immediately after a breakup, give yourself time to rest and think before resuming a relationship with your ex again. Thanks to this, you will be able to understand whether you are doing the right thing and what exactly you want your future relationship with your partner to be.

What is your relationship style now?

The worse your relationship is at the moment, the more difficult it will be for you to revive your former love.

Friendship. Friendship is the best development of events after a breakup, which is not given to everyone. On the one hand, this is an ideal option if you plan to try to “glue back a broken saucer” in the future. On the other hand, if you become “your boy,” then it will be very difficult to steer the situation back on track, since you can no longer expect the same passion in the relationship – both on his part and on yours. If you are friends, but want to renew your relationship with your ex , try not to be “in your own insole.” Leave behind a certain aura of secrecy.
Friendship, like friendly relationships, is not the best option if you decide to move on and build new relationships. Your new lover may not understand friendship with an "ex".

With ex

Good friends. Calling each other from time to time to find out how your partner is doing is an excellent option for the development of events. Communication from time to time and the opportunity to ask for help at the right time without any illusions or resentment. It is important to understand that a person who still loves you can successfully disguise himself as a friend. When communicating with your ex, remember that being buddies does not mean sharing every detail of a new relationship you may have started. It is enough to let him know that everything is fine with you.
Communication under duress. If you are work colleagues, move in the same circle, have a common business, or even children, sooner or later you will have to improve your relationship, even if it has nothing in common with the previous one. In this case, you can unobtrusively express yourself - show what an understanding mother you are, a successful and intelligent woman, and the like. You shouldn’t tell everyone about how bad your breakup was or tell your children that dad is bad or somehow offended you - by doing this you are blocking your way back. Even if your ex complains to everyone about his relationship with you, this is not a reason to humiliate yourself to his level.
Just sex. It also happens that you cannot live together, but having sex is very possible. Most often, one of the partners uses this situation in an attempt to return to the past. Remember who first started and suggested this? Perhaps your partner also dreams of renewing the relationship? In this case, the attachment between partners does not weaken even over time.
No communication at all. This is neither bad nor good for renewing your relationship with your ex . This may mean that the grievances are strong and that you both have had time to think, rethink and, finally, miss each other and understand how important you are to each other. Or vice versa - build new relationships without interfering with each other’s lives. In this case, of course, a return to the former is impossible. To understand how things are on the “other side,” you can carefully ask mutual friends.

Lack of communication

War. If you parted as enemies and are still waging war against your ex on all fronts, you have zero chance of renewing your relationship again. Although the proverb says that love and hate are just a stone's throw away, as well as vice versa, partners exhausted by war and constant attempts to humiliate each other are unlikely to be able to find the strength to reconcile.

To apologize

If you really want your ex back, you'll have to learn to say "I'm sorry"

If you don't know how to mend a relationship that was broken because you made a mistake, admit this fact and convey your apology to the ears of your lover. You must make sure he knows how much you regret what you did.

And even if it was not you, but your partner who was the culprit of the breakup, ask for forgiveness for not stopping him then.

Gradual restoration of relations

There are situations in our lives when we make mistakes and do the wrong thing, and then we regret it. In the case of relationships, such situations probably happen most of all. Today we will offer you some tips on what to do in order to restore your relationship. We will consider a situation where you really want it and you will achieve it no matter what.

Stage. First, decide what caused your separation. If this happened because of how you felt, then you need to do a lot of work on yourself now. Carefully examine yourself, how you feel now. After all, if you made a mistake once, where is the guarantee that it won’t happen again?

If your loved one caused the breakup, the situation is more complicated. Then you don't always know what to do next. In this case, men are often completely afraid to do anything. It’s not clear what their loved one wants, which is why she doesn’t want to date you anymore. It is necessary to reflect and draw conclusions.

Stage. It is not recommended to immediately rush to correct the situation or impose yourself on your ex-partner. It will take some time. The period depends on the person himself.

Sometimes at least 2-3 months must pass, sometimes six months, a year, and in some cases more. Remember, you should not try to get back into a relationship after breaking up due to a serious reason. Your soulmate is not yet ready to restore the relationship, the time has not yet come. And this is worth taking into account.

Stage. After a certain time, you need to look for opportunities to communicate with your loved one. Without this, you have little chance. There is always little chance if you do not communicate and do not see each other. Maybe you have mutual friends, arrange a meeting there. If there are no such friends, organize a “random” meeting in the place where your loved one is likely to be.

Stage. If you have already started communicating with your ex-partner, do not be pushy. Do not immediately offer to restore the relationship, this can only cause harm. Maintain friendly communication, go for walks, have fun. And if you both still have some feelings, then believe me, you will be together again.

Repairing a broken relationship is not always easy. Therefore, gain strength and patience, and go towards your goal.

How to improve relationships after a quarrel

Couples who never quarrel do not exist in nature. The realities of life are far from the plots of books and films. And lovers have to sort things out quite often, simply because at the initial stage the partners get used to each other. Every girl asks the question of how to improve relations with her beloved more than once, and the reason for the quarrel could be very different.

The bigger the quarrel, the more difficult it is to improve the relationship. It’s good when one of the partners can give in on time and is able to look for compromises. For a couple, it is important that one person is wiser and perhaps even more cunning, managing to change the situation so that both partners end up feeling good.

But what to do if a quarrel has already happened? How to restore relationships? How to save them and at the same time find a compromise solution to the problem that has arisen? In order for it to be possible to at least talk calmly and find out what exactly happened, some time must pass, everyone must calm down.

If you value your relationship, it is very important to think not only about yourself and your disadvantaged interests, but also about the feelings and desires of your loved one. He has the right to his point of view, which you must respect. Long-term relationships are built on respect. Love is love, and if a couple does not have respect and trust in each other, such a union is doomed.

How to get your relationship back after a fight

Buy him a small gift, he will be very pleased, even if he is still a little angry.
If you live together, post notes around the apartment with your apologies and messages that you are ready for a constructive conversation. Write that you miss him, are worried and really want to make peace.
Don't be afraid to say words of apology. If you can't talk, send a card with an apology and a small souvenir, you can send it by courier or ask someone to deliver it.
Make an appointment. Try to sincerely apologize and sort out the problem together without unnecessary emotions.
If everything is really bad, and you understand that you can break up, do not hesitate in the means and actions just to get your loved one back. Perhaps he is also worried, but male pride prevents him from being the first to take a step towards.

The point is not which reconciliation option you choose, but that you will actually save your relationship, and not sulk at each other, each in your own corner.

Yes, passions should subside, but the more time passes since the quarrel, the less time remains to save the relationship. Don't miss your chance. Don't let a stupid quarrel destroy your love.

Conversation with his friends

It might be a very good idea to talk to his friends. It may well happen that they will become your allies and help you regain the relationships that were so recklessly lost. In addition, you can find out from them about how his life turned out after your breakup.

They can know if he still loves you, if he wants to get back together with you, and how good your idea of talking to him is.

Considering the fact that they are his friends, and not yours, not all of them will agree to help you. But if you sincerely talk about your feelings and regrets, there will probably be someone among them who will help.

Communication between a man and his ex-passion as a reason for the jealousy of his new wife

The main reason why a wife feels discomfort about her husband’s communication with his ex-wife or a woman with whom he had a relationship for a long time is the assumption of the possibility of infidelity.
It is jealousy that makes you nervous and create scandals over the fact that a man pays attention to his ex-passion. It is impossible to unequivocally answer the question of what to do in this case. To do this, you need to take into account what kind of character a person has.

Indeed, there may be situations in which some men may have sex with their ex while they are already in a new relationship.

To determine the likelihood of this, you need to take 2 things into account. The first is the extent to which he generally shows attention to other women. The second is what was the reason for the separation.

If a man often flirts with girls or just looks at them, then you should worry about his connection not only with his ex-wife, but also with other women.

To determine the likelihood of a sexual relationship specifically with your ex-wife, you first need to find out how many years they were married. Research shows that being in a relationship for a long time greatly dulls sexual desire for your partner.

In many cases, it does not recover even after a long time.

It is very difficult to accurately determine whether cheating is possible. Therefore, it is best to talk frankly about this with both your husband and his ex.

He needs to know that you have changed

Have you thought a lot about your past behavior that led to your current situation? Have you made every effort to change yourself for the better?

If you want to get your ex back, let him know that you have turned the page in your life. Promise (first of all, to yourself) that you will no longer repeat the mistakes you made. You now know what you want from a relationship and you are ready to become a truly happy woman.

Impress him again

It's not so easy to make an unforgettable impression on a man when you meet him. But doing it again is even more difficult. We'll have to try.

You can go a slightly down-to-earth route and start giving him creative gifts, arranging surprises and showing other signs of attention.

In case all these things do not work on him, come up with another approach. For example, start doing something new that you haven’t done before.

If you are:

– if you didn’t like or didn’t know how to cook, make an effort and feed him a delicious dinner that you prepare yourself;

– I wasn’t particularly interested in his affairs at work, start taking an interest.

Do everything in order not only to return the relationship that existed before, but to surprise him and make him fall in love with you for the second time. Forget that you know each other thoroughly. Act like you did on your first dates. The same mystery that intrigued him so much in “that one”

once.

Everything should happen naturally. Do you think it's impossible? For one wonderful girl, everything turned out very well:

Should I renew my relationship with my ex: is there a chance?

Before embarking on the path of renewing your relationship with your ex, you need to carefully analyze the behavior of your ex-lover towards you. If he shows signs of attention, cares about you, is sincere in his interest in your life and does not avoid communicating with you, you have a chance of success. Otherwise, you'd better try to forget him and build a new healthy relationship with another person.

By the way, statistics show that only ten percent of broken couples get back together and live happily together. Before you start fighting, you should analyze the current situation in order to understand exactly whether you need it.

Is there a chance

The following points need to be analyzed:

Your and his habits or character traits that were a stumbling block and that have not changed.
Is there love? You need to clearly understand whether you need him, and whether he needs you.
Do you and he know how to forgive? If you cannot forgive him for his misdeeds, and he cannot forgive you for yours, there can be no question of happiness.
Are you ready to face the same challenges? You need to realize that it is simply impossible to change a person radically and you can only be happy if you have the strength to accept him as he is.

What to do? If you've decided to start getting back together with your ex after carefully examining the situation you're in, then we have a little plan for you.

Control yourself. Even if you feel very bad, do not let your feelings spill out on others or manifest themselves in your environment. Leave your tears and sorrows to your mother, your most reliable friend, or, at worst, your pillow. Laugh in public, enjoy life and have fun from the heart. Those around you, and especially your ex, should understand and see that everything is fine with you and you are happy. Of course, you shouldn’t overact it – a girl laughing hysterically with tear-stained eyes looks intimidating.
Back to the past. Remember how mischievous, successful, funny and beautiful you were when you met him? What devils played in your eyes? As they say, saving a drowning man... Take yourself seriously and revive that beautiful happy girl from the ashes. Let him, looking at you, want to join and be close to this happiness. Life imposes a huge amount of routine on us, erasing our dreams, desires and our happiness. The beautiful image that once gave birth to love fades.
Be nice and considerate. This is easier to do if after the breakup you managed to maintain at least a relatively good relationship. Try to develop what you have left to rekindle your relationship with your ex . If you work together, treat him to something tasty during a break. You can go to the movies, cafes, or events that interest you both together. Surely, during the time spent together, you know where his “weakness” is. Use your knowledge to rekindle your relationship with your ex .
Reminder. Reminders of pleasant moments from the past are very effective - meeting, first kisses, joint trips and troubles that you got into together and from which you got out with dignity thanks to the coherence of your team - all this needs to be reminded to him from time to time.

Remember the pleasant things

Be interested in him. An unobtrusive interest in his life - work, possible studies or other matters will be pleasant to him. Remember that you can only give advice if he asks you.
Correction. Even if the reason for the breakup was not only your behavior or your mistakes, correct yourself. Starting with your mistakes and showing him your development, you can guide him along this path, as well as interest him in the idea of renewing the relationship.

Memories

Each of you has pleasant memories from your shared past. Remind him of some of them.

Show him old photos together or offer to meet in one of the places where your first dates took place.

Memories have the ability to ignite emotions that have long died down and remind us of the importance of certain things. And this is exactly what is needed in order to improve relationships after a quarrel.

Memories can help you get your ex back and make him understand that the connection that arose between you in the past is much more important than the troubles that caused the breakup.

Don't waste time

You must understand that you cannot waste any opportunity to express your feelings to him. If in the past it seemed to you that you still had a lot of time ahead and you would have time to tell him about your feelings someday later, now you know that this is not so.

After all, at any moment an event can happen that will separate you again, and it will be almost impossible to return the relationship for the third time.

Therefore, do not forget to remind him as often as possible that your love for him becomes stronger over time.

Renewing a relationship with an ex: what not to do?

There are patterns of behavior that should be avoided if you decide to return to your former happiness. We will talk about them below.

Psycho ex. If you think that by ignoring his presence, teasing him in every possible way and being rude, you can offend him and force him to return - leave this idea. By such behavior you will alienate him from yourself and humiliate yourself. You also need to control your jealousy. If your partner already has someone, you should not discuss and criticize her - this is a road to nowhere. If he is still alone, especially not worth reminding him of this in every possible way and regretting it. Be the epitome of attractiveness and niceness to reconnect with your ex .
Tearful Juliet. Often trying to get her ex back, a woman tries to put pressure on his feelings of pity. Constantly telling him and those around you how bad, hurt, lonely and sad you are, you will become a burden not only for him, but also for your friends. Another variant of this model is constant accusations against him. Of course, a man with a lot of positive qualities will always come to your aid. But he won't love again. But we don’t need pity, right?

What not to do?

Activist. There is no need to constantly rush to help and call constantly, this will not help renew relations with your ex . So what if he’s alone and can’t cook, pet or clean for himself? Are you his mother or housekeeper? Constant calling and attempts to control by phone are also inappropriate. Limit your presence in his life to what is reasonable until he wants more. And when he wants it, don’t run to his aid at the first call - you also have a life and things to do.
God dandelion. There is no need to pretend to be white and fluffy if there are tears in your heart. Tell him everything that hurts you, write it on paper and burn it, talk it out to your friend - by keeping everything to yourself and accumulating, you will eventually explode and not the best traits will appear under the fluff. It's better to say everything at once.

Cause

Your ex may ask about the reason for your desire to return to him. Remind him of what a great couple you were before you broke up and how much you loved each other. Isn't this the most important reason to get your relationship back?

There was only one parting, but before that there were many pleasant moments. Tell him how much you wish you could go back in time, relive all those happy moments again and try to prevent the events that caused you to stop being a couple.

Is it possible to return love after a long breakup?

A break in a relationship is as if loved ones are stuck somewhere between the past and the future, and do not understand what they actually want from spending time together. They need a break to comprehend what is happening, evaluate prospects and draw conclusions. How to restore a relationship with your husband if you decide to live separately? After all, it is indescribably difficult to get rid of the feeling of ownership of your ex-spouse, no matter what grievances and suffering the man brings.

Is it possible to get a relationship back after a breakup? Each couple has a lot in common: common experiences, interests, acquaintances, memories, etc. After breaking up, partners experience false relief. It seems to them that they are completely independent of the past and can confidently step into the future. However, in reality, in most cases, a man or woman realizes that it was much more comfortable, more interesting, and calmer with their former life partner. They want to return their old feelings and relationships, making them even better. How to restore a relationship after a breakup?

Take a break. A certain time must pass, which makes it possible to forget the pain, grievances, disagreements, and negative moments. This is the best healer, allowing you to heal not the body, but the soul, and open up to new feelings, even with a former lover.
Recognize the gap. Resumption of relationships after separation is possible only after accepting the very fact of the end of the relationship. Try to think about what led to the loss of mutual understanding and love, what exactly is your fault and what needs to be done to prevent the situation from happening again. Come up with a positive scenario for living together and follow it.
Take action. Appear in the life of your ex-partner, try to become a close friend to him again. Don’t immediately offer to get back together, but interest them in your person. Men love to “hunt” women, hint that you don’t mind returning everything, but don’t act rudely.

Restoring a relationship after a breakup is a complex and lengthy process. But if the desire to again know joy and happiness, as well as to make the chosen one happy, is irresistibly strong, the attempts will certainly be crowned with success.

Liabilities

You must give him and yourself your most honest promise that you will try to create conscious relationships. That you will always try to be by his side, no matter what. True, it’s worth asking him for the same.

But before you try to get your ex back, consider whether you can really keep those promises.

And finally, so that you believe in yourself, I want to give a review from one of my wonderful students: