How should you behave to be valued and respected at work?
When we find ourselves in a new team, we feel insecure, show embarrassment and tightness. The first impression plays a very important role. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together, overcome your anxiety and behave correctly in order to be respected at work . From the first day, communicate with colleagues as equals, do not be shy at the sight of management.
Value at work
- Be attentive to every new acquaintance . Your task is to remember the position and name of each colleague as quickly as possible. Polite address by name will not go unnoticed.
- Join general discussions , participate in public events. At the same time, you don’t have to try to please everyone. Be open in conversation, but do not rush to retell your personal life.
- Don't neglect your responsibilities for someone else's interests. Avoid additional stress if you are not sure you can handle it. Learn to politely refuse if you don’t have free time.
- Be a professional in your field. Competent specialists always command respect.
- It’s impossible to please everyone, so always be yourself. If relationships in the team are not working out at all, then consider a new place of work.
How to help your child improve relationships with classmates
It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts, than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help.
When communicating with parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I conditionally identified several types of their reactions to the situation in the classroom.
1. Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties communicating with peers.
The mother of a second-grader, Fedya, is very reserved; she hardly communicates with anyone at school, waiting for her son after school; she usually avoids other parents at parent-teacher meetings and holidays. I always see her with an anxious expression on her face; during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she behaves tensely. One day, she and I witnessed a quarrel between Fedya and his classmates. Mom was confused and scared.
Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach their child to interact effectively with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents set for their children when communicating with other people.
2. Parents believe that everything is fine with the child, and if there are any problems, then those around them are to blame: teachers who do not properly organize communication in the classroom; children who are aggressive and cannot communicate normally; their parents raising their children incorrectly.
The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not her son’s classmates, but his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead them in games. Based on the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of Andrei’s classmates wanted to take him to their team and no one would trust him with their secret.
By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to considering those around him to blame for his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, and does not want to take into account their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth-graders lie in individualism, fueled by parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with others).
Sometimes parents are right - those around them are really primarily to blame for the bad attitude towards their child.
A negative attitude towards Senya from the first grade was provoked by the class teacher, who disliked both Senya himself and his parents. The teacher called the boy only by his last name, never praised him, and made comments more often than others. Her hostile attitude towards him gradually spread to the rest of the students.
In a situation where there is a specific offender (teacher or classmate), parents often try to “deal” with him themselves. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If a child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, coming to school, reprimand the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child. As a result, the teacher, having learned about the complaint, becomes even more disliked towards the unfortunate student. Persecutors become more careful and sophisticated in their bullying, threatening violence if the victim complains to anyone again. And the parents of the offender also do not remain in debt. Sometimes you have to watch very ugly scenes when the parents of the offender and the victim shout, insulting each other in front of the children. Naturally, such an example of “resolving” conflicts is not useful for children. In addition, with such intercession, parents do their child a disservice.
Starting from the first grade, Sonya’s mother came to “deal” with her daughter’s classmates who teased her. The girl was used to just complaining to her mother, and among her classmates she was known as a sneak; no one wanted to be friends with her.
3. Parents who seek help realize that the child is not doing well in class due to his personality traits. They are ready to cooperate with the psychologist and class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction occurs most often.
The problem of abandoned children is a double-edged sword. No parent wants their child to become a victim, to be attacked and bullied by others. And at the same time, it is unlikely that anyone would want their child to be the initiator of bullying another.
Working with parents of child instigators or child persecutors is not easy. Not every parent can admit that their affectionate, kind child can take pleasure in humiliating a peer.
Here’s what a mother of one child said: “Five-six-year-old children on the playground all the time team up and attack someone alone. I talked to my son that it is unacceptable to do this. One day he himself became the target of attacks. But it didn't change anything. The next day he attacked his comrade with the same enthusiasm along with everyone else.” Children tend to unite against a peer who has displeased them in some way. This is called "being friends against someone."
Parents are upset that their child succumbs to the general mood and commits unseemly acts. In this case, they should try to explain to the child how his behavior looks from the outside, to make him think about the feelings of the victim. A child striving for independence can be told that in this situation he behaves like a ball - where he kicked, he rolled there. No manifestation of one's own will. In general, the ability to resist a team does not come immediately. But precisely by giving the opportunity to analyze one’s own behavior, one can bring closer the moment when the child will no longer succumb to the influence of others.
It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to call others names, to laugh at them - let him put himself in their place. We must teach the child to take into account the opinions of others and find compromises.
If the victim is not liked by the parents, you should not “add fuel to the fire” by discussing this with the child. Ultimately, the child must learn tolerance and accommodation. When talking with a child or in his presence, you should not evaluate other parents, children, or teachers.
How to Help Your Child Build Relationships in the Classroom
Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, and skin diseases must be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.
It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer your child pink ones, thinking that this is not important. It may not matter to the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This doesn’t mean that you have to follow your child’s lead and buy him a hat “like Lenka’s from 5 B.”
Advise your child to change their behavior tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able to not only puzzle his pursuers, but also take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can invite your child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone, to look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: “So what?” - or start laughing with them. In general, to do something that is not at all expected of him.
Try to ensure that your child communicates with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, organize parties, encourage your child to communicate with them. It is necessary to encourage the child’s participation in class events and trips in every possible way. You should not take your child out of school immediately after school, even for English or music classes. Otherwise, all the kids will become friends with each other, and your child will remain a stranger in the class.
You should not come to school to personally deal with your child’s offenders; it is better to inform the class teacher and psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect your child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to experience all stages of a conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own. But when teaching a child to be independent, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without adult intervention. Such a situation, of course, is systematic bullying and persecution of a child by peers.
Attention!
If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, respond immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you shouldn’t leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim). It is important to help the child survive the mental trauma received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.
What to do if your child is rejected
In my observations, rejected children themselves do many things to become victims of attacks. As already noted, they easily succumb to the provocations of their classmates and give expected, often inadequate, reactions. Naturally, it is interesting to offend someone who is offended, who throws fists at others after any innocent remark addressed to him, who begins to cry if he is teased a little, etc. Cm.
How to help your child choose friends
It is important to know all of your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. We need to help organize communication for the child and create an appropriate environment. It’s not enough to just send him to a suitable team; invite the children home, if possible, meet their parents. Most importantly, unobtrusively create an acceptable social circle for your child (you should take care of this while the child is still small). These could be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and who treat each other kindly. Cm.
An outcast child in the classroom (advice for teachers and parents)
The most important thing to remember is that a child’s position in the classroom until adolescence depends 90% on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100 percent. Therefore, if a child does not have good relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he is doing something better (no matter what, even wiping it off the board) everyone that he is important and needed in the classroom. Cm.
How should you behave to be valued and respected at school?
Good relationships with classmates form a positive reputation and help avoid various conflicts. Goodwill and respect in the classroom can be won through your actions.
At school
- Always respect students, both older and younger. Don't be afraid to stand up for those who need it. Feel free to make a pertinent comment.
- Help study with subjects that are easy for you. Showcase your leadership skills. Avoid discussing other people's failures, do not participate in gossip and collusion.
- Do not leave undeserved aggression of peers unpunished. Seek adult support if necessary. Don't get into fights or resort to insults.
- Show patience and attention to your interlocutor. Empathize in difficult situations. Start a conversation on interesting topics. Get interested in your ideas - these are the best tips on how to behave in order to be respected at school .
It will take some time to earn respect. The most important thing is to avoid conflicts and troubles at all costs.
Powerful voice
A strong voice is a technique that allows teachers (and coaches) to adopt the skills of educators who know how to “lead the classroom.” The best teachers go into the most unruly classroom, where no one can bring order, force the students to do what they need to do, and bring back those who don't listen (or don't want to listen). In this approach, teachers use five skills.
Conciseness. The fewer words, the more powerful the effect they produce. Excessive talkativeness signals nervousness and indecisiveness, while correctly chosen words indicate preparation and transparency of intentions.
Try to avoid unnecessary words, especially if you are worried. Use simple syntax. One phrase should contain one simple and understandable idea. Due to this, important information will not be lost in the stream of unnecessary phrases.
Don't talk to students at the same time. Show that your words have weight: wait until there is complete silence and only then speak. By ensuring that no one is competing with you for attention, you show that you will decide who students listen to and when. To achieve this goal, you may need to interrupt at the most unexpected place to show that you will not continue until you have everyone's attention.
Let's say you were going to say: “Guys, get out your diaries and write down your homework.” If you were not listened to attentively, interrupt your speech mid-sentence (“Guys, get it...”) and, after a pause, continue. If the measured hum and muttering still interfere with work, reduce the phrase to a minimum: “Guys...” During these pauses, do not change your position, thereby making it clear that until silence is established, there will be no continuation.
Don't allow yourself to be drawn into dialogue. Having stated a certain topic, do not be distracted by extraneous conversations. This principle is especially important when you are reprimanding someone.
Suppose David pushes Margaret's chair. You say, "Please, David, take your foot off Margaret's chair." David replies, “She pushes me too!” or “She wanted to take my half!” Many teachers are tempted to continue asking, “Margaret, is that what happened?” or “I don’t care what Margaret did there.” By doing so, you are supporting David's topic instead of involving him in yours. The best response is: “David, I asked you to remove your foot from Margaret’s chair,” or “Right now, comply with my request and remove your foot from Margaret’s chair.” In this case, the teacher makes it clear that he controls the conversation, and everyone listens only to him.
In the same situation, David may be indignant: “But I didn’t do anything!” Even in this case, it is not recommended to develop this topic. After all, you wouldn't make any comments if you doubted his wrongdoing. So react like this: “I asked you to take your foot off the chair.” There is nothing left to add to these words.
Make eye contact, stay still. Whatever you talk about, in addition to words, you use nonverbal communication. Even with your body you can show that you should be listened to. If you want to emphasize the importance of your words, turn your whole body and face the person you are addressing. Look him in the eyes. Stand up straight or bend slightly (the latter gesture indicates that you are in control and cannot be embarrassed or frightened).
Stand in one place when giving a task, do not gesticulate or be distracted by other things. A person who simultaneously says something and is distracted by some pieces of paper shows that his words are not so important. Therefore, take an official pose, fold your hands behind your back and show that your words, like yourself, are weighty, significant and not at all accidental.
The power of silence. Usually, when a teacher is nervous or afraid that the students will not listen to him, when he feels that he is no longer in control of the class, the first thing he does is try to speak louder and faster. Loud and fast speech signals anxiety, fear and loss of control. Students, realizing that they have gotten the better of you and your emotions, can easily drive you into hysterics, which, of course, is much more interesting than writing a test or solving a problem. A loud voice, paradoxically, increases the noise in the classroom, and it is easier for students to talk in a whisper.
If you want to keep attention, speak more slowly and quietly, although this contradicts your first impulse. Lower your voice. Literally make students listen to you. Be the epitome of poise and equanimity.
How should you behave to be valued and respected in your family?
Women are more likely to experience disrespect in the family. Due to everyday problems between spouses, mutual understanding deteriorates. One of the partners ceases to respect the interests of the other, value him as a person and be grateful for his attention.
- Any self-sufficient person needs to be valued and respected. A respectful attitude is the key to a favorable, comfortable atmosphere in the home. This is precisely this important advice on how to behave in order to be valued and respected in the family . It's never too late to reconsider family relationships and gain respect.
- First, reconsider your family priorities . The more responsibilities you take on, the less you will be valued and respected.
- Always stand up for your position and remind them of your rights. You cannot completely dissolve in family life. Find time for your own hobbies. Learn to be independent and self-reliant. Learn to respect your partner's personal space.
- Avoid emotional showdowns . Prove your point of view with strong arguments. At the same time, do not impose your ideas about life.
In the family
Respect yourself as a self-sufficient person, and you will gain mutual respect in the family. You cannot force yourself to be loved and appreciated, but you can become a person who commands respect.
