Hello! If a husband does not respect his wife, this is a sign of an ill-mannered man. Dare to insult or use physical force? Doesn't want to talk, just continues to splash out his negativity? You should not think that a person can be changed. This person is either an egoist or a tyrant. He is happy when another person feels bad. Often, a psychologist can help cope with uncontrollable aggression. What to do if you can’t bring your husband to a psychologist? But you want respect from a man... It is worth paying attention to my recommendations in a situation where your husband does not appreciate you.
A husband does not respect his wife: reasons
There are 6 main reasons why a man stops treating his beloved with respect and care. And if the first four can be resolved with a simple conversation or consultation with a psychotherapist, then the last two points are pathologies and diseases that are terrible and unsafe for both the wife and children.
Let's take a closer look at these reasons for disrespect:
- Lack of education, childhood trauma. If in childhood your spouse saw a similar example when his father treated his mother in this way, then it is not surprising that he copies his parent’s behavior pattern. This is a classic example of how childhood trauma affects an adult's views and worldview. It may seem absurd, because in adulthood we all understand that respect is the basis of healthy relationships, but when all childhood was spent in the absence of care and attention between parents, such an attitude is simply absent.
- A way to assert yourself. This item is associated with psychological disorders in men. It can be self-doubt, low self-esteem, and selfishness. If you feel that your spouse is constantly belittling you and your merits in order to look higher and better, then the point here is precisely what is going on in his head. You can cope with this, especially if you want to save your family and your love is still strong. Contact a specialist, psychologist or psychotherapist, who, in a course of consultations, will be able to identify the internal reasons for this behavior of a man and help get rid of the problem, putting respect at the forefront of his attitude towards you.
- Lack of feelings. If you married for convenience or because of an unplanned pregnancy, then it is quite possible that after a while your spouse will begin to treat you with disdain and indifference. In addition, he may blame you for the fact that his life is supposedly ruined. In such cases, it is important to try to find contact with your husband, reach out to him and show that your marriage is a conscious choice that the man made himself, without the pressure of external events.
- Lack of sexual desire. This is a common reason why a man ceases to be interested in his wife, not only as a person, but also as a woman. As a result, he loses respect for her, begins to stare at others, and weak-willed representatives of the stronger sex may even decide to cheat. Why is this happening? There can be many reasons: the weight gained after pregnancy, or the reluctance to preen and put on makeup for the sake of the man you love.
To deal with the fact that your spouse is not attracted to you, discuss your intimate problems. Perhaps he wants to try something new, to diversify his sex life. It is quite possible that experiments in bed will be enough to bring back the extinguished fire between you.
- Antisocial behavior of the husband. Now we will talk about more serious reasons for disrespect from a man. If your spouse has gone downhill and suffers from alcoholism or drug addiction, then it is not surprising if aggression on his part becomes a frequent guest in your communication. In this case, you cannot hesitate. Both of these diseases are very serious and not everyone can cope with them. If you understand that your husband is mired in vices, then file for divorce so that addictions do not affect the mental health of both you and your children.
- Sadism. Another serious illness that should push you to leave your husband. If aggression, violence, both psychological and physical, and sadism on the part of your spouse are the norm in your relationship, then it’s time to pack your things and leave this man. This cannot be tolerated; you need to take care of yourself and your children first, and not of a person with mental disabilities.
The psychology “it’s better to be with at least someone, just not alone” is fundamentally wrong. It is imposed by society, Russian traditions and social norms. In fact, in the 21st century, life has changed so much that patriarchy should have been destroyed long ago. But for some reason it is still considered permissible to treat a woman in a derogatory and belittling manner. Does this mean love in a relationship?
By the way, many people ask the question “Why don’t Russian men respect women?” In fact, nationality or cultural affiliation does not play a big role here. Disrespect from the stronger sex exists all over the world, it’s just that in our country they talk about it openly, so all personal and family problems often end up in the public domain.
Causes of moral tyranny
There are several reasons that lead to disrespectful behavior from a spouse.
Undereducation
If parents have not explained to a man what correct family values are, he will think that a good wife is obliged to keep herself in shape, keep order in the house, develop professionally and raise children. A girl whose behavior is far from imaginary standards will be considered unworthy of respect by an egoist. A man’s exaggerated demands are related to his worldview, so it will be very difficult to convince his spouse.
Hidden complexes
It is quite possible that your partner is taking out all the negativity on you because he simply does not have the courage to respond to the offenders. If a man is humiliated at work or in the company of friends, but he is too cowardly to fight back, your chosen one may develop an inferiority complex.
Such people are highly susceptible to the influence of society and show aggression only towards those who cannot respond in kind (women, children).
Moral trauma of childhood
The reason for abusive behavior may be hidden in your chosen one's childhood. If a man's father beat his wife, and the woman endured and forgave, your partner will believe that this is how a husband and wife in a proper family should behave. Ask your partner about your childhood. Perhaps he was bullied by his peers, and these events made your spouse's character aggressive. It is almost impossible to change a person who has childhood trauma. Only a psychologist can help in this case. After working through the problem with your doctor, your partner will understand that his disrespect for you was due to a desire for self-affirmation.
If the traits of tyranny in a man’s character appeared for other reasons, it will most likely not be possible to cope with the problem alone. You will have to turn to a psychologist who will teach your husband to value you and himself.
You can get rid of a man’s disrespect with the help of doctor’s consultations only if he is ready to work on himself. Does your partner refuse to see a specialist? Leave this idea, your persuasion will only anger your chosen one.
My husband is pissing me off - why is this happening and what to do? Cases from practice and advice from psychologists
Signs of disrespect from your spouse
If a man does not value and respect a woman, then the following alarm bells are present in the relationship:
- Increasing frequency of conflicts. If quarrels occur more often in your family than lovemaking, then you should think about whether your marriage is happy at all. Of course, you probably love your spouse very much, but even this indicator already suggests that a woman is content with little, when there can be much more care and tenderness in life.
If during quarrels you see that a man often puts moral pressure on you, insults you and even allows himself to raise his hand, then there can be no talk of any respect here.
- Last place on the priority list. When a person loves, his chosen one always comes first. No matter what happens, he will prefer to spend time with his loved one, and work, friends and hobbies automatically fade into the background. If you feel that you have long ceased to be number one in your husband’s eyes, then the time has come to have a serious conversation and discuss where your relationship is heading.
- Constant reproaches and discontent. Undoubtedly, it is always nice to win an argument, but if your spouse cannot make concessions even in cases where he is wrong, then you are constantly in the status of a victim who must endure reproaches and accusations. This model of behavior on the part of a man allows him to assert himself, put himself above you and stroke his pride. When a spouse really loves, what matters to him is not being right, but the fact that his woman is nearby. Additionally, if you constantly have to prove your affection and that you are worthy of care, then this also indicates a toxic and unhealthy relationship. Moreover, if your spouse demands that you perform all household duties, but he himself never helps or thanks you. Remember that you are a woman, not a housewife, and deserve to be treated with respect.
- Treason. This is already an extreme degree of disrespect for a loved one. If there is love between you, a man will never dare to physically betray his woman. Therefore, if he went on the side, then it’s time for you to pull yourself together, pack your things and leave such a person. And you shouldn’t look for excuses for this act: if your husband committed it, then he doesn’t value you.
Why my spouse stopped having sex: reasons for refusal
A woman's lack of sexual desire can be influenced by various factors. The most common of them are presented below. Read why your spouse stopped wanting to sleep with you and give you blowjobs, what influences the reluctance to suckle and lack of intimacy during pregnancy and after childbirth.
Lack of pleasure
Statistics say that for every 10 male orgasms there are only 7 female ones . Many women have never enjoyed sex with a man in their lives.
Physical intimacy without long-awaited release does not bring any pleasure to a woman and does not evoke the slightest desire to engage in it again and again.
At the initial stage of a relationship, girls often fake pleasure during sex, even if there is no trace of it. Over the years, the wife simply gets tired of staging an erotic performance every night , and she avoids fulfilling her “duty” in every possible way.
Reference ! There is another side of the coin: the wife discusses the problem of lack of orgasm with her husband, but the husband does nothing to resolve the problem. In this case, the woman considers making love with her husband a waste of time.
Spouse ignores foreplay
Surprisingly, many men are unaware of the importance of foreplay. After all, it is foreplay that helps a woman relax, tune into an erotic mood and become properly aroused. This stage of sexual intimacy shows her that her partner is not indifferent to her, and he cares about her pleasure and comfort.
If the husband, with the onset of an erection, immediately rushes into battle, without making sure that his partner is “ready,” sexual intercourse does not bring her any pleasure and may even cause pain and discomfort. This attitude discourages even the most temperamental woman from having sex with her husband.
Fatigue
The daily routine of a modern woman is filled with urgent matters that take up a lot of energy and time: work, household chores, shopping, cooking, childcare.
Sexual intimacy with your husband in such a frantic pace of life turns not into a moment of joy, but into an additional duty.
At the end of the day, the wife just wants to go to bed and instantly fall asleep , and her partner’s hints about sex or his dissatisfaction with the long absence of intimacy only irritate her.
Lover
Very often a wife does not give if she has a lover, and her sex life is already rich without the participation of her legal husband. And if a woman has feelings for a man on the side, then having sex with her husband is considered as betrayal of her beloved.
She is not physically attracted to her partner
An extra 15-20 kilograms does not affect a man's self-esteem , but his sexual attractiveness in the eyes of his wife can be seriously undermined.
Sexual attraction is based on the external attractiveness of the partner - this is what nature itself came up with.
If the husband has ceased to be an object of desire for the wife, it becomes increasingly difficult to arouse her excitement and desire to make love.
Embarrassment of your body
A bulging belly, cellulite, stretch marks, a lot of extra weight - the wife is embarrassed to undress in front of her loved one in fear that he will judge her appearance . Often, even slender ladies without clothes feel vulnerable in front of a loved one, not to mention the presence of folds of fat.
Feelings have cooled down
If a relationship lasts a long time, a cooling-off period inevitably sets in. The wife no longer feels the former fireworks of emotions, and the daily routine established over many years does not contribute to arousal.
Resentment
Women are vulnerable creatures, and any carelessly thrown word or thoughtless act can discourage her from having sex . She insulted her and didn’t ask for forgiveness, didn’t help with household chores on time, forgot about the request - anything can cause resentment and lack of desire on her part.
Disease
There are diseases that provoke hormonal imbalance in the body. But it is hormones that are responsible for a woman’s libido.
Also, some pathologies of the reproductive system lead to pain during sex.
Ordinary ailments such as migraines or colds also negatively affect sexual desire. Poor health may well be the reason for refusing sex.
Attention ! If a previously temperamental wife, for no apparent reason, has stopped wanting to have sex and give blowjobs, this is a reason to consult a doctor.
And you need it: do you really need your spouse’s respect?
If at this stage you already understand that your husband does not respect you, then before you try to regain his affection, answer yourself a simple question. Do you need it? After all, if once a person whom you completely trusted could afford to betray you, then won’t he do the same again? Weigh the pros and cons, understand what you want in life and whether you are ready to relive everything again. And most importantly, is it worth it? To soberly analyze the situation, we offer you the following options:
- Reconsider your relationship. Women often think like this: “If my husband doesn’t respect and appreciate me, then it’s my own fault.” This is absolutely wrong thinking that needs to be abandoned. First of all, think about whether it is really your fault that your spouse has lost interest in you and began to treat you with indifference. Of course, if you have neglected yourself, then it is not surprising that he is looking at other women. Don't let this go any further: take care of yourself and make your husband fall in love with you again. Don't think that flirting is the prerogative of young people and the early stages of relationships. Show your sexuality, be bright, different and unexpected. In addition, try to evaluate yourself from the outside. Any man is pleased when others look at his companion. So he understands that next to him is a truly attractive and worthy woman. Besides, a little jealousy is always a plus. If your husband sees that other men are also interested in you, he will begin to try even harder for you and, accordingly, appreciate you as never before.
- Imagine your life without your spouse. We understand that if a woman is a housewife, then it is very difficult for her to leave her husband, even if he greatly infringes on her. And all because she may be financially dependent on him, she is afraid of leaving her children without fatherly love and care, of being completely alone, and also of becoming a victim of general condemnation, gossip and rumors. These are all logical and adequate reasons, they will stop you from officially breaking off relations with a husband who does not respect you. However, everything is not so scary. In the modern world there are plenty of job opportunities, so financial dependence is not the most insurmountable thing. A new passion or hobby will help get rid of loneliness and cope with mental pain, and depriving children of their father is not so terrible if you think about how they would suffer if they were under the same roof with him: tyranny, violence, constant scandals and conflicts. As adults, they will understand that your leaving your husband was justified, and if you remain with a despot, they are unlikely to appreciate your sacrifice. In your decision to divorce, be persistent, cold and decisive. It’s better to do everything quickly than to suffer for years in the hope that the behavior of a negligent husband will change for the better. Be strong.
- Seek help from a specialist. If you understand that your love is stronger than your problems, and you still hope to save your marriage, then it’s time to go to a family therapist who will help both of you understand the current situation. Perhaps the specialist will open your eyes and show that in fact your husband has not loved you for a long time, or perhaps, on the contrary, he will be able to reason with your loved one and set you on the right path. Do not be shy or afraid of this procedure: contacting a family psychologist is absolutely normal, especially if you understand that there are unresolved problems in the couple.
Under no circumstances force your husband to see a psychologist. Before you decide to seek help, discuss the issue together. Explain to your spouse why you want to do this, what doesn’t suit you, and if he agrees, all is not lost.
Why did your husband stop appreciating you?
In society, it is common to think that his wife is to blame for a husband’s disrespectful behavior.
People around you may claim that your spouse showed his character only because you yourself provoked him. Try not to listen to such people. Remember that no normal man will resolve a conflict through bullying and beatings. If the spouse is reasonable, he will try to discuss the problem, and if there is no solution, he will file for divorce. Many women notice that changes in their husband's behavior begin to occur a few years after marriage. Does your chosen one insult you more and more often, although he used to be a romantic and doted on you?
Realize that such a drastic change is impossible. Most likely, your partner did not have the best character before, but did not want to show it. It is very difficult to recognize a tyrant or an egoist in a man at the initial stage of dating, when he is trying to seem better than he really is.
Why doesn’t my husband want to work and how can I force him to support his family?
An image of a woman that commands respect
Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with unkempt hair does not inspire professional trust. Likewise, a wife who claims priority positions in her husband’s life list must maintain an appropriate image. Let's talk about this in more detail:
Image and style
The inevitable fate of the fair half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of her status as a housewife or businesswoman. A lover always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.
Exemplary mother and housewife
These archetypal ideas are still relevant in today's gender-equal times. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family hearth; it is pleasant for him to return after a hard day at work to a clean house, in which well-groomed children are running around, and a hot dinner is waiting on the table.
Desired lover
The woman who is valued is the one who fills him with sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just one who allows him to fulfill his marital duty in moments of good health.
Professional self-realization of a woman
Not a single housewife, even the most efficient one, will command as much respect as a woman who has a specialty, position, and professional responsibilities. She needs a profession to develop and become a self-sufficient person, and men are attracted to women’s independence.
Wife's desire for self-development
The second half should be interesting to his partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop and improve herself. Few people will be interested in an overweight housewife, obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.
