When it is necessary
The feeling of falling in love with a man arises due to internal psychological signals from the subconscious that this young man is able to make him happy. However, such attitudes only work if there is positive previous relationship experience.
When first love was destructive or disruptive, the subconscious mind shifted to a new negative behavior pattern. As a result, all subsequent relationships were based on the first experience and also failed, so every second woman in Russia tends to choose young people as partners who cause harm and destroy lives.
READ Does love exist: its characteristics and purpose
To deal with feelings consciously, it is necessary to understand the destructive power of negative attitudes. To assess how productive sympathy is, pay attention to five indicators:
- Deterioration of health. In particular, the gastrointestinal tract, nervous and cardiovascular systems are affected. Signs that you need to fight falling in love are acute cutting pain in the abdomen, bowel irregularities, flatulence and bloating, tachycardia, nervous conditions, mood swings and tremors. The presence of at least one symptom indicates excessive worries about the new object of sympathy, which the body does not tolerate well. In the case of a healthy relationship, such reactions should not occur, so you should deal with the emotions that arise as quickly as possible.
- Unstable mental state. Weekly breakdowns, hysterics and a constantly negative attitude are another sign that a girl should overcome her crush. If these states appeared after understanding and realizing a new feeling, the emotions are not considered healthy. When this is observed in the behavior of a young man, he, too, should begin to fight the negative state.
- Suicidal tendencies that appeared after a declaration of love or during quarrels. Such tendencies are often observed among girls. A man is an emotionally stable creature, however, even among the stronger sex there are individuals who think that ending life is an option to survive a sick condition. If you notice such manifestations in friends or acquaintances, discuss it immediately and consult a psychologist.
- Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. This is a feature of a man or woman’s relationship with a person who has tyrant tendencies. Such individuals suppress and, unfortunately, quickly feel the tender feelings that arise towards them and the weak points of a potential partner. If in the process of communicating with the object of your desire, you come to the realization that you are not worthy to be around, rather experience the emotions of falling in love. The slightest delay will drag you into a destructive relationship, from which you will not be able to get out without consequences.
- The desire to control and be nearby every second. Despite your partiality, you understand that you are not ready to lose sight of the object of your sympathy. Even one day without checking your social media profile feels empty. At the same time, there is no time for dates with friends or for usual activities (going to the hairdresser, going to the gym). This behavior immediately strikes at social life, protects and quarrels with relatives and friends. Relationships in this case will be impossible due to a manic state, even if the object of sympathy shares feelings.
If one of the signs is present in a relationship, learn how to successfully overcome a crush without harming yourself. In this situation, practical advice on getting rid of destructive emotions will be useful.
How to suppress falling in love?
Irresponsibility and manifestations of dependence on the object of desire lead to psychological disorders, so it is necessary to get rid of the feeling of falling in love. Irresponsibility breeds resentment, despondency and stress. All this negativity does not contribute to a happy existence.
Psychological methods of relief exist, but without working on yourself and your own thoughts, it will not be possible to suppress the feeling. Love Suppression Therapy:
Don’t close yourself off from others in a cocoon of negativity and resentment. Share your disappointment. Speak up. But be careful. It is better to share grief anonymously. Communicate on forums, on social networks, write on an online blog, or tell a taxi driver, bartender or other uninterested person about your failure in love. Don't accumulate negative emotions in yourself. Throw out accumulated feelings by shouting them. Get out into nature and shout out loud everything that overwhelms you. Imagine the feeling of unrequited love in the form of a balloon that moves away from you into the sky, taking with it resentment and emptiness. Do not cross paths with a person whose thought makes you painfully aware of irresponsibility. The ideal option is to change your place of residence, if possible. Fill your free time to the limit. Come up with activities for yourself. Do something you've been wanting to do for a long time, but haven't found the time for. Staying busy is the best medicine in the world. Don't get stuck in your own thoughts. Chat with friends, go to visit, attend social events.
Learn to control your thoughts. Come up with a bonus for not remembering the tormenting character for two hours and gradually increase this time. Stop pursuing the object of your unrequited love. Apart from inconvenience, shame and other unpleasant things, you will get nothing. Don't stoop to revenge. The object of feelings is not to blame for falling in love with him. He didn’t want this and didn’t ask for love. Evaluate the qualities of the object of your desire from the opposite side. Everyone has negative character traits and shameful actions in their biography, and the object of unrequited love is no exception.
People find relief from emptiness, pain and uselessness in creativity. In a state of love, emotions and feelings overwhelm a person so much that they can use this to their advantage. Draw, write poems, stories, articles.
Don't let failure ruin your future happiness. Don't develop an inferiority complex and self-doubt. Respect the choice of the object of your affection, but remember that his decision does not make you unworthy of happiness. This is only a page of your life, and there is still a whole book ahead. Open up to new relationships and give yourself the right to become a happy and loved person!
The first steps towards getting rid of feelings
Having realized the new state as a destructive emotion that will not bring satisfaction and happiness, determine how to get rid of the obsessive feeling of falling in love. To overcome it, you will need to consistently try different techniques. One of them will definitely help and be effective. However, if you have experienced this at least once, the likelihood that the same methods will help is quite high.
READ What to do if you fall in love with a woman: psychological reasons, scientific data and advice
Unleash your emotions
People tend to hide strong experiences of a negative nature and hide them from others, but internal tension increases. As a result, a person simultaneously feels both his own helplessness and the intensity of passions that are difficult to survive.
To cope with the condition, use one of two methods:
- Third-party experiences. To stabilize internal dissatisfaction, use active sports or adrenaline-pumping activities. A trip to a boxing class, a trip on extreme forms of transport or a parachute jump will help throw out the negativity. The main thing is to use life-safe options.
- Domestic hysteria. Lock yourself in the apartment and make sure that no one will interfere with the noise in the next 3-5 hours. After this, remember the negative feelings and throw them out in the form of tears, broken dishes or loud screams. This reboot will relieve excess stress.
The first method is more suitable for young people, the second - for women. However, you can use any one if you wish.
Learn to satisfy your needs yourself
To successfully cope with negative experiences, evaluate the basis on which they arose. Perhaps there is dissatisfaction in life in an emotional or physical aspect - a person lacks pleasant experiences or sex. As soon as the reason becomes clear, a way to survive unhappy love will appear.
In the first case, try going on dates with different guys and girls you know and don't know. At first, thoughts will resist such an exit, but over time a habit will arise. In addition, perhaps you will meet a partner who will captivate you much more than the current object of your affection. If the body requires affection, then find someone who has great capabilities and skills in matters of sex. Satisfaction at first will not bring moral peace, but after 2-3 times apathy will arise towards the person with whom you were in love.
READ Attachment: what it is, main types and methods of formation
Work through grievances
Resentment consumes mental strength and takes away the joy of every day you live. If you remind yourself every day about a failed romance, then you will have no energy left for friends, family or a new crush. To work through the emotion of resentment in your head, use one of the following methods:
- Write a detailed letter in which you talk about unpleasant experiences and dashed hopes, read it aloud and burn or tear it up. Repeat the ritual daily or in moments when emotions overwhelm.
- Talk to a friend, a cat or yourself, cry.
- Find a replacement object in hobbies and hobbies - write poetry, music, draw.
- Displace the object of love with other people, experiences and events. The busier life is, the less time and energy will be left for worries.
Having experienced an offense, draw conclusions from the situation and mentally forgive the person. You need to remain honest with yourself, because otherwise emotions will sooner or later return to this issue.
Make plans
To take your mind off your crush, start planning for the future. Regardless of what stage of life and career a person is at, thoughts about development prospects will captivate and force him to act actively. If you are studying, seek an increased scholarship, think about a place of practice or a further educational institution. A working person should achieve a noticeable increase in both position and earnings. Set deliberately high goals so that the achievement lasts for a long time.
If we are talking about a married woman or a married man, then the easiest thing will be planning and further search for funds for joint large purchases, moving or traveling with your spouse.
Pay attention to a person's shortcomings
People are imperfect, and this is expressed in inconspicuous little things that betray a flaw. However, the lover idealizes the object of feelings, without seeing obvious negative character traits or behavior. The way to effectively suppress the feeling of falling in love is to focus on the disadvantages that are unacceptable from the point of view of the person who has fallen in love.
Since attention is focused on this person, it is easy to notice traits and habits that you do not want to put up with. This will take some time, but it will help cope with the surging emotions.
Eliminate triggers
A trigger is an external reminder of the presence of a man or woman in life. This is a material thing that reminds of a person. Every time an object comes into view, it evokes emotions and memories of those days when sympathy was strongest. To suppress the feeling of falling in love as quickly as possible, eliminate triggers. First, just remove it from visible places, and after a month, throw it away or give it away.
Even if the item of memory is, for example, a gift in the form of jewelry, take it to a pawnshop and relax with the amount received. The only exception is photos with other people. It is better to save them, but not view them daily.
Situations in which it is worth stopping emotional impulses
There are certain circumstances when it is better to try to cope with falling in love on your own. Later it will become clear that the decision was correct. Sometimes it is better to save your strength and not waste it in vain. The emotional sphere is a very subtle thing. Let's take a closer look at how to get rid of the feeling of falling in love and in what circumstances to do this.
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You are a family man
Family values are important to most people. There are two reasons. I don't want to hurt my other half. There is no desire to look like a scoundrel in your own eyes. A person who values his family is advised not to look at people of the opposite sex. What if this did happen? Then you should not develop a relationship. You need to know how to suppress feelings of love. Being married or married, people must take responsibility for family well-being. The best motivation is the intention to make your spouse's life happy.
Feelings are unrequited
Such passion overtakes suddenly, without giving you the opportunity to come to your senses. Having come to their senses, a person often does not understand how to overcome falling in love. The feelings seem huge and significant to him and cause colossal mental pain. Suffering comes from the understanding that you cannot build a relationship with this person. Unrequited feelings empty you from the inside. When we are refused, it seems that the world collapses and ceases to exist. It's not a matter of wounded pride. The need for love and acceptance is not satisfied.
Falling in love destroys you
This happens if a person, under the influence of strong feelings, begins to lead an incorrect lifestyle. It is not uncommon to commit crimes for the sake of a loved one. People grab every opportunity. Strong emotions should not be allowed. When self-destruction begins, this is a signal to stop.
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If feelings definitely harm a person, removing love becomes the only right way out. The most important thing is to try to preserve your inner world, to bring it to a state of harmony.
Practical recommendations
Theoretical methods will not work and will not help if you leave everything the same, so protect yourself not only from thoughts, but also from contact on a physical level with the object of passion. To do this, apply practical recommendations that will help you experience the emotion faster.
Take care of yourself
It is believed that during experiences, women tend to radically change their appearance - haircut, wardrobe and style in general.
They feel on an unconscious level how to get out of stress without loss. The mastered practical technique is used for any difficulties in life. The same practice also applies to men, because a change in image will certainly attract the attention of other women and distract them from their worries. In addition to appearance, there is communication between people, so to change your circle of acquaintances, develop yourself in unfamiliar areas. Go not to the movies, but to an exhibition of contemporary artists, visit a museum, or read a historical novel. This will distract you from negative thoughts and get rid of obsession, and will also allow you to diversify your list of acquaintances. Perhaps among them there will be an interesting person who will captivate you and make you forget about the negative experience.
New way of life
In addition to external changes, use lifestyle change practices. In order to survive unhappy love, add sports to your daily schedule: jogging in the morning will give you a boost of energy, and in the evening it will relieve you of anxiety. Additional active activities will also come in handy. Sign up for dancing, yoga, or swimming. Physical activity will reduce stress and expand your circle of acquaintances.
In addition to sports, you can use natural instincts. If you don’t know how to forget about unrequited crushes, you need to change your diet.
By going on a diet, you will feel hungry, which will distract you from negativity. After some time, the extra pounds will go away and your love will go away.
READ How to attract love into your life: psychology and magical rituals
Change your job
If a man is haunted by a crush on a colleague or, conversely, a woman goes crazy at the sight of her boss, think about changing places, companies or professions. Firstly, new working conditions will make you feel inconvenienced and distract you from your love experiences. Secondly, the loss of the object of love will most likely relieve the obsessive negative feeling.
Get over a breakup
Emotions accumulated due to the need to hold back affect health. As a result, falling in love affects the body in a physical sense. This cannot be allowed, so throw out the accumulated ballast. Break dishes, tear things, scream and cry. Emotional relief will be the starting point for getting rid of obsessive thoughts and experiences.
Make a list
To objectively evaluate the object of your love, use the method of writing down your thoughts. Create a table with two columns. On the left, list or describe in detail the negative aspects you noticed in your partner. Take even small details into account. On the right side, briefly list the advantages. Write biased traits (kindness, mercy, determination) if they are actually confirmed by behavior or manifested in specific situations. Add to the list if necessary, but pay attention to the column on the left every day.
Out of sight
Getting rid of your lover's gifts is a mandatory step. In addition, there are other reminders of relationships or feelings that need to be overcome. It is not necessary to change the circle of friends in which you met if they do not cause painful feelings of regret. But delete songs that remind you of the moment of experience. Also get rid of things left behind if the relationship has reached this stage.
Live your life
Searching for possible meetings and seemingly random intersections with the object of love is a waste of time and energy on the past. If a person has expressed the opinion that a relationship is impossible, then such attempts to see each other look awkward, and in the case when the object of love has already paid attention, but lost interest in the process of getting to know each other, they look even worse. Imposing one's society is humiliating, and receiving another refusal can completely destroy one's self-esteem.
Between a potential “chance” meeting and a trip, choose the latter, even if it means going to a nearby store. Engage in self-realization, which will allow you to find a worthy person to create an alliance with.
Find support from friends or family
Talking through grievances and disappointments with oneself does not help in all cases, but an outside opinion expressed by an authoritative friend or relative is sobering. Therefore, ask for help from loved ones who are not indifferent to your fate. Talk to them, reason and share your thoughts. Listen to advice if you receive it. This will help to establish communication and distract, and will also gradually overcome love in the mind.
Fight fire with fire
An expression referring to finding a casual partner for one or two meetings. Beautiful courtship, an unfamiliar restaurant and the need to captivate a stranger with a conversation will distract you from thoughts about the inaccessible object of love.
In addition, a short-term romance may satisfy the needs and force you to face the truth, admitting that the choice of attraction was a bad one.
Talk about your feelings
An honest conversation with a lover or lover is an equally effective method for getting rid of feelings. Sometimes obsessing occurs because of uncertainty. And until a frank explanation occurs, it will not be possible to survive destructive emotions. In this case, there is a risk of receiving a refusal, which will bring worries, but will bring clarity. However, you can also hear a mutual declaration of love, which may develop into a long-term relationship.
Getting rid of the problem once and for all: how to suppress the feeling of falling in love
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Having analyzed your state and feelings, you can draw a conclusion whether it is worth further immersing yourself in troubles and misfortunes, suffering, torment, crying at night, or trampling until the morning under the windows of such a beloved, but so unattainable, person, or to end it all at once, once and for all. ending this Chinese torture forever. The simplest and most accessible method for everyone would be to contact a specialist, but we will return to this option later. For now, let's figure out how to get rid of falling in love with a man or woman on your own, before the problem develops into something much more serious and crushing.
Dangerous experiments: heating up to the point of recklessness
Many men, in order to get rid of their crush on a girl, use the reverse thrust method, that is, they try to overcome their feelings by artificially pumping them up and heating them up to a literally unconscious state. Representatives of the fair sex, who are stronger and healthier emotionally, can do something similar. Professional psychologists do not recommend conducting such experiments on yourself, so as not to look for methods to cure neuroses and psychosomatic disorders.
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Nevertheless, this method has the right to life. Cultivate this feeling in yourself, like a sprout, feed and fertilize the “soil” in which it grows, give food to your emotions, adding regular shakes. Ordinary people say that just a few days of such intense passions will unilaterally lead to cooling and even disappointment in the object, which is what we, in fact, sought.
Become ideal for yourself: the opposite method
If all your attention is absorbed by the object of passion, try to bring yourself to perfection in order to meet the imaginary demands of the ideal. You should take care of your own life and appearance, pamper yourself. Men can join a gym, take up some kind of martial arts, go to school, buy a motorcycle that they have dreamed of for decades, change jobs, change cars, often go out with friends, go traveling, get a huge and kind Labrador or a dangerous, but lively and cheerful pit bull .
Photo from the site: gubdaily.ru
In this regard, it is much easier for girls and women, since there are ten times more options for them to take care of themselves than for guys. You can change your hairstyle and dye your hair in revolutionary bright colors, radically change your style and wardrobe, sign up for yoga, fitness, Pilates, do meditation or hand-made things. Communicate more with people, often visit cinemas, theaters, art galleries, museums, again, travel more and learn new things. Changing your place of work or residence won't hurt either.
All this will significantly improve your mood, raise your self-esteem, and a self-confident person assesses the situation much more objectively, he is not inclined to suffer from addictions, so the unwanted feeling will disappear, naturally, in the process.
Accept yourself and suppress the feeling of falling in love
You should never deny the obvious, which is what psychologists always advise. Therefore, you should never pretend that you don’t have any trace of painful love. Convincing yourself of this most likely will not work, but believing that your feelings are destructive and bring only destruction and sadness is quite possible, because this is the truth. Constantly repeat to yourself that you understand how groundless your hopes are regarding the subject of your dreams, say out loud that the feelings are not mutual and cannot be mutual and will never become, this will make it easier to realize the depth of the meaninglessness of what is happening.
Photo from the site: Glamour.ru
After you accept your own feelings and give an objective assessment of your psycho-emotional state, you can try to somehow survive this pain, which can burn from the inside, incinerate and destroy. There is a special psychological trick that the cunning and wise Japanese have learned to use. In the evening after work, throw yourself a formal scandal, with hysterics, tears, screaming, breaking dishes, and then go to bed. After waking up in the morning, you will definitely feel better, and the feeling will become less acute.
The main thing is not to let anyone disturb you; it is highly not recommended to calm you down during this “release” hysteria, feelings of pity do not bring anything good, and the police called by your neighbors will hardly understand what is happening there and why you throwing plates against the wall in splendid isolation.
Write down your thoughts and keep yourself busy
To get rid of a crush on a guy, many girls keep a diary and this is a completely rational solution for such a thing, because by re-reading your own entries, you can analyze your feelings and give them an objective assessment. True, men are less willing to write down the events of the past day, then it makes sense to simply make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of the “beloved” person, and to keep your brain fresh, make such a list just in the morning, after an impromptu hysteria, it will be easier and flaws will definitely be found.
Photo from the site: pozdnyakova.org
It won’t hurt to load yourself up with work, right to the top, because it’s difficult for the brain to concentrate on two things at the same time. It’s better to let him work for your material benefit, and in the meantime, you will be distracted from destructive love, and maybe completely “see the light” while you try to climb the career ladder or increase your income.
The main thing here, psychologists say, is not to aggravate the situation with complete physical and nervous exhaustion, because digging ditches for twenty hours a day is only possible for the first week, and then you can lie firmly in a hospital bed, where your head will be occupied with truly completely different worries, and not meaningless and merciless love.
Eyes Can't See: Stop Falling in Love and Live Your Life
If you had at least some kind of relationship with the subject of painful passion, then most likely there are some things left that for some turn into a real fetish, which is completely unacceptable. Piles of joint photographs, dear trinkets and little things given for the holidays, something that was once touched by the object of tender feelings - all this needs to be completely, without pity and tears, gotten rid of once and for all. Do not put them in a box and take them to the basement, such numbers do not pass through our subconscious, sooner or later you will definitely come back for them, but simply throw them away, or even better, burn them.
Photo from website: Pic2.me
In any case, it is worth understanding that no one’s happiness should depend on another person, and there is no point in assessing the level of satisfaction with life by whether you were able to talk to your loved one, touch, smell, look into the eyes. Do not plot, do not call from unknown numbers and do not send SMS in the middle of the night. Don't ask your friends to bring your crush to a party and secretly spy on him all evening. All this is destructive and destructive.
Get support and start a new romance
Now the time has come to talk about professional help from a psychologist, neurologist, and maybe even a psychotherapist himself, depending on what stage your internal state is at. It is worth doing this before an advanced form of psychopathy develops. In this state, people committed terrible and tragic acts, falling into depressive psychosis from unrequited feelings. You can read how to get rid of the symptoms of depression and stress yourself on our website. Be calm and consistent, then you will definitely get rid of the “butterflies in your stomach”.
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There is an excellent Russian proverb: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge.” Why not listen to your ancestors and try to defeat falling in love with new relationships, more constructive and serious. Look around, there is probably a person in your environment who will willingly respond to your attention. Even if this does not turn out to be the love of your life, and someday you will part, each going your own way, but it is better to spend time in live communication than in stupid dreams of an unattainable ideal.
What not to do
There are ways to forget someone you've had a crush on for weeks. But even knowing how to get out of a traumatic situation quickly, in the process of applying practical methods, everyone makes mistakes that only worsen the situation:
- Request for a meeting. Reminding yourself worsens self-esteem, and imposing it will destroy it completely.
- Surveillance on social networks. Suitable for feeling abandoned and unhappy; moreover, the intense life of the object of feelings will leave an unpleasant aftertaste in the form of regret that the relationship did not work out.
- A pity. If you feel it towards yourself, it will make your self-esteem drop lower and lower; if you feel it towards the object of your emotions, you will have to regret the loss of a potential partner. This feeling is irrational and will not bring results, so it is better to abandon it.
- Refusal to help. Friends are needed to accept a person for who he is, with emotions and character traits, so do not reject them, because this will offend loved ones.
Knowing the common mistakes, do not make them so as not to regret the results.
Do feelings happen at the wrong time?
Contrary to popular belief, feelings do not always come at the right time. Sometimes love embraces everything. The psychology of falling in love is such that it requires a lot of emotional investment from a person. Deep involvement in the process of experiencing is necessary. This necessarily involves immersion in one’s own emotions. It becomes possible to reveal true intentions. If for some reason a person is not ready to experience a strong feeling, he should be abandoned. It is better to free yourself from the struggle in advance.
There is no point in suffering. Otherwise, there is a high risk of losing your peace of mind and facing internal torment and doubts. Sometimes, unable to cope with their raging feelings, people reach the point of self-destruction.
Psychological techniques for getting rid of falling in love
Psychology defines that falling in love is a positively colored emotion directed at a specific person. In this state, consciousness is not able to objectively determine how possible the continuation of the partnership is, and internal complexes and traumas of the subconscious are often involved in the process.
However, there are methods to stop the negative and destructive effects of feelings on the body:
- Focusing on weaknesses. Catch yourself in the trap: if the object of sympathy is ideal, then you must correspond to him both externally and internally. Start taking care of yourself. In addition to the fitness club and diet, consider the internal component. Let every evening after work be devoted to macramé courses, reading historical literature and watching cinema classics. During working hours, break down tasks by the hour, monitoring every free minute.
- Forcing as a way to quickly get rid of attachment is also suitable. Over the course of a week, exaggerate your own feelings: cry hysterically because the object of your sympathy is far away, mentally exaggerate the importance of this person. In a short period of time, you will experience enormous psychological stress and possibly burn out.
- Realize that struggle is not the most important criterion for feelings. To find a worthy partner, you don’t need to contradict logic, common sense and all your loved ones who dissuade you from a crazy idea. Sometimes “love in spite of” causes suffering throughout life, as well as the need to prove the strength of feelings and defend the rights of the couple. 90% of people know how to manage emotions on an unconscious level, so there is no need to justify falling in love with an unworthy person.
There are many ways to get rid of feelings, you just need to set a goal and start taking action. After just one or two weeks, you will feel the result in the form of a cooling of the object of sympathy.
When to get rid of love
Experienced love emotions do not always have a beneficial effect on a person’s life; sometimes they only cause harm. In what cases and how to stop this destructive process:
- Relationships with a man give a feeling of inferiority;
- During moments of quarrels, thoughts of suicide arise;
- Instead of a good mood, the woman experiences sadness and melancholy;
- Nervous breakdowns and depression often occur;
- There is a disruption in the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.
If you experience similar sensations during the period of falling in love, run away from such a relationship, and the sooner the better. You need to suppress your emotions, they will bring nothing but misfortune. In pursuit of a ghostly ideal, you can miss truly real feelings. You must not lose your mind - if the object of your adoration is prone to aggression and violence, you must urgently stop all communication.
