Husband yells at his wife: degradation or norm of behavior

Why does a husband yell at his wife? Looking for reasons

If your husband’s behavior has changed a lot, he cannot restrain himself in a conflict situation, he constantly screams, breaks down for any reason, try to understand why the quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction occurred. Do not blame yourself under any circumstances, the important thing here is simply to find the “seed” from which the quarrel grew.

The reasons for a husband's screams can be:

• problems at work;
• alcohol, drugs, gambling;
• psychological stress;
• fading of feelings;
• low self-esteem;
• age-related irritability;
• hereditary scenario.

If your loving and caring spouse suddenly starts screaming, it is quite possible that something is seriously bothering him. He may have problems at work or financial difficulties that he cannot tell you about. The causes of aggressive behavior may be the use of alcohol or drugs. Gamblers, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they cannot get what they need) behave inappropriately, overly aggressively, splashing out feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction on the people closest to them. If you are sure that all of the above reasons have nothing to do with your situation with your husband, then most likely the roots of your current problem are in the past.

If your husband grew up in a family where yelling was the order of the day, where father and mother resolved family conflicts and disputes only in this way, he cannot even imagine another scenario of behavior. Most often, a man repeats his father’s pattern of behavior unconsciously, even if he himself suffered from such relationships as a child and promised himself never to behave this way with his family in the future.

Read on the topic How do life scenarios from childhood influence adult relationships?

How to overcome dissatisfaction if it is a character trait?

According to the recommendations of psychologists, you should be patient, ignoring grumpiness and dissatisfaction. You can ignore his words and phrases. This way you will not only save your own nerves, but also not start a useless showdown. Many women try to convince their spouse, to prove it to him, but they come across an impenetrable wall that hears only themselves.

A lover who is dissatisfied with everything can always find a reason to grumble. Even if one problem has been solved, it will definitely create another one. For example, you managed to overcome his dissatisfaction with dinner, but now he grumbles that he doesn’t like his neighbors, politicians, or the situation in the world. Therefore, if he has a quarrelsome character, he will always find something to complain about, even if it is a trifle.

And you will only spoil your nerves by trying to dissuade him, persuade him or prove something. Soon you will only experience emotional exhaustion. Yes, it is almost impossible to make him behave differently in such a situation. After all, the character cannot be changed. There will always be a reason that he will find fault with.

If your husband finds fault with little things, try the following technique. Let his words or phrases sound like white noise. For example, such as noise from a working refrigerator or TV, public transport. Soon you can quite successfully get used to this, not get irritated, not pay attention.

How will this help if your husband often grumbles? In fact, such a man is a kind of energy vampire. In this way, he unconsciously feeds on the energy of those around him (the same situation arises with those people who constantly complain).

It is very difficult to restrain yourself and not react if he finds fault with everything. But the result is worth it, this way you can save the relationship. And it may even cool his ardor a little. Seeing the lack of reaction, he will simply not be interested in offending others.

My husband constantly shouts: what should I do?

If you are caught up in this “mess,” and are firmly mired in a relationship model where you are a woman who constantly endures her husband’s screams, it will not be easy to get out and radically change the situation. Any deviation from your humble behavior will be perceived as rebellion and will cause even greater dissatisfaction with your spouse. To prevent your husband’s regular screams from leading to more disastrous consequences, start acting gradually. Below you will find some recommendations. Their basis is constructive work on yourself and your emotions, since you are unlikely to be able to “remake” your husband; your main key is your personal behavior.

So, to calm a screaming husband, try:

• not to be the initiator of conflicts;
• do not focus your husband’s attention on everyday trifles and do not nag him if (in your opinion) he earns little or does not pay enough attention to you;
• do not raise your voice and do not develop conflict (hold back, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your “excuses”);
• listen to complaints calmly and with restraint (it is not necessary to immediately rush to do everything point by point, but you cannot ignore this situation);
• solve problems in a calm conversation (after the husband has calmed down, try to talk through all the accumulated complaints again. Introductory constructions, like “Did I understand correctly that...?”, “You said that...", etc., help well, which carefully continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn what was said into a complaint);
• do not burden your husband with household chores if he is the only breadwinner and earner and is really tired at work (you do not need to create a scale of his fatigue, just decide once and for all - after work, your husband wants to rest at least a little. There is no point in demanding that he immediately take out the trash, “since he hasn’t taken off his shoes yet” or “quickly wash the dishes” - this will only heat up the emotional background);
• a tired spouse's home should be clean and tasty dinner (devastation and hunger obviously will not make him calm and satisfied);
• praise him, say that you love him and hug him more often (perhaps he lacks your attention or he “fell out” of family life in the bustle. Be the initiator of a warm relationship, and do not wait for the first steps on his part - you have a family, not competition to conquer each other);
• analyze every situation, conversation, action that led to a scandal and quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
• realize that such relationships are not normal and try to change them for the better or break them;
• turn to a specialist (a psychological approach can greatly simplify working on relationships, but, unfortunately, it is often difficult to understand what to do alone. Try going to a consultation with a psychologist, perhaps the problem is not only that the husband constantly screams, and lies much deeper).

How can I help my husband cope with the situation on his own?

Of course, if he has had such a character trait since birth, if he has been grumpy all his life, it is unlikely that he will now be able to change anything on his own. But if the complaints lie in specific reasons, everything can be fixed. And the loved one can easily cope with himself.

Often the reasons for such behavior lie in the wife. The husband is dissatisfied with the attitude towards him. For example, a wife is immersed in her work or her favorite pastime, all her love and care is given to the children. In such a situation, the husband begins to grumble only in order to somehow attract the attention of his wife.

But sometimes such behavior is provoked by unfulfilled professional goals and unfulfilled dreams and plans. You can help in this situation. According to the advice of psychologists, you can apply the following actions:

• Let him realize himself in a different way. For example, compensate for an unloved job with a favorite activity at home (gardening, kitchen, renovation, design). It is important to support his endeavors, to encourage him in the presence of difficulties;
• Make general plans and strive to implement them;
• Let everyone have personal space;
• It is important to be able to have a heart-to-heart talk, to talk through all unpleasant situations and dissatisfaction.

My wife will drive me to divorce with her hysterics and nagging.

It’s great that you are not destroying your family, but are trying to make efforts to save it.
And the family must be saved! Strength to you! Until you deal with your problems, they will continue to torment you with another person. I, like the previous respondents, read and feel what your wife feels. Now I make a scandal every day. I can flare up over little things. I don’t like everything, any useful initiative causes anger. He complains to my parents - and they also say about my bad character. And I myself already believed in all this, that I was to blame for everything. But... But... I am a mega-calm person in life. You have no idea how much! I'm super balanced. All the emotions have been inside me all my life. In my entire life (which is 30 years), I have never had a row with anyone. Even if there were quarrels, then in a calm tone and decent, respectful phrases. What now? Yelling, screaming, picking things up, hurtful words. Objectively, can only I be to blame for all this? If we quarrel with our parents, it is for the only reason - they know that I do not tolerate certain actions and always do it again and again. So, it’s not just my character?! And since I’m so furious, it means HIS behavior is forcing me to do this. I haven't figured out the reasons yet. But now I understand that in many ways he is the reason for my such emotions. I am sure that in your case, the fault of her emotions is 50%, or even more, yours! For example, mine is emotional and boils over even the smallest things. Not at me, but at the situation, say, on the road. He doesn't even notice it. And I absorb this negativity and feel guilty for some reason. He will raise his voice (it’s normal for him and his family to talk to each other like that) and won’t apologize - but inside me there’s frustration and a feeling of resentment. Little things accumulate, and I feel unhappy and unloved, as the author wrote about above. And at some point it bursts into anger. I didn’t notice this myself - now I started digging and understanding myself. Plus all his initiatives. You also say that everything goes into the house and everything is for the sake of the family. I scolded myself for raising scandals because he was doing something for the sake of good intentions. But let's look at it from my side! We bought me a car - he chose, yes. Seems cool, but... He tormented me with this question, with his experiences, ideas, thoughts, doubts. As much as I am a doubtful person and check everything thoroughly - but here I already agreed to the car stupidly based on a photo on WhatsApp. Am I happy with this purchase? Why the hell should we already! Will I be grateful for her? Visually I was happy, but in my soul I wasn’t happy at all. Of course he thinks he's great. He's really great. But it’s terrible for me to even remember this period of time of choice. Therefore, before reaching the traffic police, I started a scandal - my nerves really gave way. Believe me, I will be much more happy if he slips a candy in the shape of a heart or a Valentine card into my bag wishing me a good day. Or arrange a romantic dinner - buy a candle and a bottle of wine. To please me, to please me, to please me, and not just to pursue useful goals in the form of household goods. It's not expensive and not at all difficult. But this is the attention that women so need! This is what fills you with strength, confidence and love. What if this is not the case? There are no compliments every day, declarations of love, unexpected surprises - but do you have a house, a car? Do you think this will make your woman happy? No! You say you don't give gifts. And why? Are you lazy to think about how to please the person next to you? Life is in the little things. About the car. Sorry for asking, but what kind of car do you drive? Better than what you want to buy for your wife? If so, I understand her frustration. I'm not crazy, I'm very adequate and rational. But, damn it, I became this psycho and saw. He is sure that the reason for this is my bad character. But he digs superficially. Through his actions and unwillingness to work on our relationship, he manages to extract from my character the bad things that are in him and hide the positive aspects. It is normal that everyone considers themselves ideals and models of behavior. And there are always complaints about your neighbor. And it’s easier, of course, to leave than to stay and solve the problem. But, believe me, what’s happening to you is at least 50% your fault! Judging by what and how you write, you know how to think rationally. Therefore, try to turn off your emotions, your ego, your stubbornness and stubbornness and try to understand the true reason for her dissatisfaction. Try to truly understand her. Ask questions, ask what's wrong. When you see her side, you will understand the cause of your conflicts. If you can’t build a dialogue, try telling a conflict situation to a mutual friend or a psychologist one by one. You will see that she has a completely different vision of the situation, and her reaction with such a vision is quite appropriate. Only by seeing your mistakes and changing your behavior can you begin to solve your problems. And yes. 7 years is a long time. I think she has accumulated a lot of grievances - so you should try and work on yourself. Surprise and pamper her! Give compliments! Hug and kiss often! And you will succeed! Life is built on little things! I wish you success! Answer