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What to do in life when nothing works out and everything goes wrong? How to overcome difficult times and improve your life? Why is everything bad and who is to blame for it?
Everyone around you is fine, except you. People get married, buy cars, move into new apartments, are happy in relationships, achieve goals, travel a lot and do whatever they want. But not you. Everything is different for you. Everything is bad for you and it’s getting even worse and crappy. Why does life get worse, and why do we get away from it?
We often feel bad when things don't go as planned. As a result, life seems to have failed, unlike others. You are a loser and have no prospects in life. But it's not like that. That's not the point at all.
Symptoms of depression
The following signs indicate that you are tired of life:
- Negative emotions (irritability, melancholy, fear) or complete indifference to everything predominate.
- There is no point in any actions.
- Constant boredom.
- The world is seen in shades of grey.
- It is difficult to concentrate, concentrate and think about something.
- Favorite activities and hobbies are not pleasing.
- There is no desire to communicate with people.
- There is no interest in intimacy.
- Physical weakness and discomfort in the body.
- Fatigue, drowsiness, insomnia or poor sleep with nightmares.
- Reluctance to get out of bed in the morning.
- The emergence of thoughts of suicide.
If several points occur, then we can talk about a state of apathy. If most of the points are present, and they have been observed for more than two weeks, then this is real depression, which can develop into a prolonged one.
What are the consequences of ignoring life fatigue?
If nothing is done, then in advanced cases, the usual condition, when you are tired of problems and life, can develop into a neurotic disorder or a disease associated with psychosomatics. If you are depressed for a very long time, depression begins, which in some cases leads to suicide. This does not mean that any emotionally devastated soul is doomed to destruction. At best, there will simply be suicidal tendencies that do not lead to a desire to die. An apathetic state causes a lot of inconvenience and greatly spoils a full-fledged life. Because of it, it is impossible to work normally, communicate, do usual things, favorite hobbies and simply be happy. To bring pleasure back to life, you need to fight depression. First you need to understand why life gets boring. Only by identifying the cause can the problem be solved.
Causes of apathetic state and recommendations of psychologists
As a rule, one of four reasons leads to fatigue from life. In rare cases - all together. They are as follows:
- Stress. Is the most common source of this negative feeling. When faced with a stressful situation, a person usually feels depressed and helpless, as if he is being pulled in different directions. In such cases, psychologists advise trying to get rid of the source of worries and add variety to life.
- "Black line". Sometimes there are moments in life when one misfortune comes after another. Then it begins to seem that no methods work anymore, no matter how hard you try. This may contribute to the loss of hope for improvement. Because of this, there is a feeling of fatigue from existence. As experts say, you just need to survive such moments, endure them. If possible, you should try to solve problems that arise and please yourself with something.
- Unfulfilled hopes and expectations. Probably everyone wants to become someone, do something or receive something. Over time, the understanding comes that it is impossible to achieve your goal and everything does not go as in your dreams. For example, you can’t start your own business, you don’t like your current job, you’re tired of family life. If something doesn’t suit you, psychologists recommend starting to change it or adjust your view of these things.
- Depression. This condition usually occurs due to excessively strong experiences. For example, divorce, unexpected job loss, death of a loved one, domestic violence, serious illness. Usually you cannot cope with depression on your own, so at the first sign of it you should immediately contact a competent specialist.
Once the cause has been identified, you need to start eliminating it. Recommendations from psychologists and life advice from ordinary people can help with this. This will be discussed further.
How to change your life and everything in it for the better
To begin with, it is worth noting that the time for change comes at the very moment when the first thoughts about it appear. If, when the next difficulty or failure arises, the phrases “I can’t do this anymore” or “I’m tired of living like this” flash in my head, then it’s time to look for ways to improve the situation. It doesn't matter whether it concerns family, work or relationships.
But to do a global undertaking, to give up everything overnight, not every person decides to do this. This requires too much strength and determination. In this case, you can begin to move towards change in small steps. Some simple but effective ways to change the situation are presented below.
Method 1: changing circumstances and life for the better
This option is the simplest and easiest to implement. First, change your daily routine: stop sleeping until lunch or, conversely, rest a little more during the day. Find a new route to work or school so you can spend a different amount of time on it. Perhaps morning walks will give a greater sense of satisfaction than the regular crush on the subway.
Learn to eat a different dish for breakfast. We've been eating about the same since school. Perhaps a glass of freshly squeezed juice will be more effective than bitter coffee, and a delicious avocado sandwich will have a better effect on your well-being than regular oatmeal.
Method 2: Attitude Change
What we're talking about here is to stop dwelling on negative things in the past, present or future. To change for the better, you need to learn to worry as little as possible about yourself and your loved ones. Find the main negative that affects you the most: resentment towards your parents, a traumatic situation, a conflict with someone. Think about it all in great detail just once, and then let it go and never think about it again.
At the same time, learn to see the good in everything that surrounds you. Live by the principle “every cloud has a silver lining”, stop complaining about lack of money, family, boring work. Better thank the universe for your health, close friends, food and a roof over your head. Surprisingly, the positive is always attracted to the good, so very soon you will notice the appearance of something beautiful next to you.
Method 3: Dramatic change in appearance
Women love to use this method, especially when a serious relationship ends. And it really works! Finally, buy a gym membership and start creating the figure of your dreams, or visit your hairdresser and decide to experiment with your hair.
Try to become an adherent of the culture of proper nutrition. Nothing improves your well-being and appearance better than the abundance of all necessary substances and vitamins in the body. But too much buns will definitely add new problems with both health and psychological state. Make yourself proud!
Get rid of sources of stress
Work, self-realization, relationships with family, friends and partners are the areas that most often lead to stress. It is better to eliminate these sources of negative emotions immediately. It is clear that it is unlikely that you will be able to say goodbye to them completely, but you can reduce the negativity.
It's not easy to decide to change, but it's necessary. They form character, strengthen and develop. “I'm tired of life! What to do?" - clients ask psychologists. Experts recommend taking the situation into your own hands and starting to change it.
If you don't like your job, you need to find another one. It may bring in less money, but your nerves will remain intact. Does your husband beat you? It’s better to leave him than to endure such an attitude. Don't have the courage to move away from your parents? But if you do this, you won’t have to constantly endure humiliation from them and comparisons with older children. Situations may vary. The main thing is to start doing something and change your life.
Don't think about the bad, only about the good
Nowadays, only the lazy don’t know about positive thinking, but it really works! And it doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not - the power of such thinking is at least that it gives hope, and hope gives the strength to move forward. Without faith—even if not in success, but at least in the possibility of success—you shouldn’t even start. Once again you will be convinced that it is impossible to change anything and you need to be content with what you have; By letting hope into your life, you leave the window open for a miracle that will certainly happen to you, and then a weak light of hope will flare up with a bright flame - faith in your strength and knowledge that everything will certainly work out! In the meantime: “You just need to learn to wait, you need to be calm and stubborn...”
Change the scenery
Almost all people are tired of monotonous life. Everything is already familiar and known, so it begins to seem that nothing new will happen. There will be no prospects and the future will not get better. This is where personal dissatisfaction with life arises. In such cases, psychologists recommend changing the environment in order to relax, get new impressions and recharge with positive emotions. This is very good advice. By following it, you can significantly improve your mood.
If you can take a break from work, you can go on a trip. But time should be spent outside the hotel walls. A great idea would be to visit natural beauty (deserts, mountains, steppes, jungles), castles, palaces or unique national holidays (Venice Carnival, German Oktoberfest, Hindu Holi - the festival of colors) with an experienced guide.
If you don’t have extra finances, you don’t have to go on an expensive trip. You can visit local history and art museums, antique souvenir shops, national gardens, and parks within the city. Yes, it’s elementary - go to the beach, to the cinema, swimming pool, bowling and other entertainment venues. The main thing is to visit a new place.
“If not me, then who?!”
This short phrase is a Declaration of taking responsibility for your life and your future, because no one but ourselves is responsible for it. All circumstances, people, events that happen to us can only push us to make certain decisions, but we always have the opportunity to choose! Moreover, sometimes circumstances make the choice between black and white, but there are many other colors and shades!
The choice between black and white is the choice of an unfree person, it is imposed from the outside, it is the choice of a bull that is brought to the slaughterhouse and asked to choose which death to die. A free person for himself what colors to paint his life in, and between black and white he chooses purple with red stripes. But this requires courage...
Every day, maybe even every hour, we have to make a choice, and no matter what circumstances incline us to, responsibility for every specific action, for every decision, for what happens in our lives, and ultimately, for our very life lies only with ourselves! This may sound scary, but if you think about it, along with responsibility for every, even the smallest step, for every decision, it also gives you enormous freedom! That only freedom, perhaps, that cannot be taken away from us - choice!
And if you don’t make this choice, then it is made for you ! And even if the choice is made for you, it is also your choice - to give someone the right to decide your fate. But then what do you expect? How are you different from that bull that was dragged by a rope to the slaughter by an uncle who allows himself to make decisions?
If one day you are imbued with this thought, no one else will ever be able to impose their will on you, and from an obedient bull you will turn into the Creator of Your Life!
Change your daily routine
If you are tired of everything, you simply need to change your life. The vicious circle “work - home” does not bode well. Even if you really like your profession and everything is fine in your family, it is still advisable to periodically change your activities. You can try using the day differently. First you should start a diary. Every day you need to write down all your actions and the time when they start and end. Psychologists recommend keeping a diary for at least a week. This way you can more effectively analyze how much time is spent on what. After this, you need to ask yourself some important questions. What changes would you like to make to your day? Which actions are effective and which are not? What takes too much time, and what can you avoid altogether? Depending on the answers, you need to change your routine.
For example, you can change your sleep schedule to take into account biorhythms, determine the most convenient time for meals, plan purchases in advance, watch less TV and surf the Internet so that you can do other things. The day will become more varied if you set aside hours or a few minutes for regular walks, visiting clubs, museums or entertainment venues. It is useful to set aside half an hour every day that will be spent exclusively on yourself. It may be advisable to reconsider the way you travel and get to work not by car or bus, but by bicycle or on foot. This is useful and in some cases much faster.
That is, in order to avoid the thought that you are tired of your dull life, you need to get rid of the routine, reduce the negativity and add more effective rest to your routine. If several points are incompatible with working hours, it is quite possible to find a compromise. If you can’t organize even half of the planned changes, then this is a serious reason to think about changing jobs. Do we work to live or live to work?
Remove the concepts of “Laziness” and “Fear” from your life
Laziness - because it is impossible to change your life with the power of thought alone, this is obvious! Changes are actions, even if not always correct, not always successful - nothing, a basketball also sometimes hits the arcs of the basket before falling into it. But the path to success, no matter how you imagine it, always lies through real steps and actions. And the only criterion for the sufficiency of actions is an honest admission to myself that I did everything that depended on me.
Fear . “A long journey begins with one small step,” but it is this first step that we are afraid to take. We are afraid of the changes that it will entail, because each of us has had a bad experience; We are afraid of losing what we “acquired through backbreaking labor, without mother and father”...
Come on! Does this acquisition make you happy?! Does it? Really? Then why are you reading this?! Then everything around has become gray, boring and monotonous, and oh how I want to change it! But it’s scary, because you don’t know what will come out of all this, what if it gets even worse... But in what you’ve acquired, there is consistency and confidence - even if it’s wretched, it’s yours! And so, little by little, in thought and doubt, we limp into old age, as wretched as the life we lived - because it’s scary...
Give up the Internet and mobile phone
Sometimes, even for a day, it is enough not to use these achievements of civilization to come to your senses and forget that everything is boring. How to bring yourself back to life? Psychologists give a basic recommendation: turn off your phone and do not go on the Internet (various social networks, do not read email, and so on). This is especially useful if friends and relatives constantly pester you with their negativity or start communicating if they want to boast about some kind of joy and demonstrate how well their life is going. In order not to upset yourself again, it is enough to avoid such unpleasant dialogues.
This is especially true for social networks, where you start looking at photos of happy and successful people and compare them with your seemingly worthless life. If such a pastime upsets you, then it is better to abandon it altogether.
Find your favorite thing
If you’re tired of being, it means you don’t have a job you adore that makes you want to live. Therefore, you need to find your purpose, your favorite thing. Those who have it do not have negative thoughts, psychological and physical problems. If you have an entrepreneurial spirit, then you need to try and experiment. Then there will be not only money, but also success, happiness, meaning in life and the opportunity to give happiness to others.
Find hobbies and passions
You urgently need to introduce variety if you are tired of life. What to do to avoid negative thoughts? To do this, you need to do something so that you don’t have time for stupid things. It can be any hobby. If you don’t have a favorite hobby yet, then this is a great opportunity to try yourself in various industries. Drawing, embroidery, clay modeling, wood carving, hunting, fishing - anything, as long as it is interesting and enjoyable. Statistics show that people who have hobbies suffer least from depression.
Where to start making changes in life: how to get out of your comfort zone
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So, you realized that you are not satisfied with your life in whole or in part and decided to make changes. But where to start so as not to stop halfway? After all, a very common problem is that when a person begins some changes in his life, even the smallest ones, for example, doing exercises in the morning or running, it usually lasts for a week or two, and then everything returns to normal: then you want to sleep longer , then it’s raining outside - it’s unpleasant to run in the rain, and after some time the desired innovations again turn out to be just items on a list of goals on paper. But in reality everything remains as it was. What can we say about more global life changes - most people postpone them “for later” indefinitely.
Why is it so difficult for us to start something new? Our brain is made up of three different types of brain, each with its own functions.
The oldest reptilian brain. It is 100 million years old and is responsible for our survival. The structure of this part of the brain is almost identical to the structure of the reptilian brain. He directs the basic instincts - self-preservation and procreation, as well as other functions related to survival.
Slightly younger is the limbic brain—the “Mammal Brain.” Its age is 80 million years and it is responsible for our emotions and feelings. Its functions are emotional and cognitive. The limbic system, giving an emotional coloring to the experience we receive, promotes learning: those behaviors that gave us pleasure will be remembered as something good, and those that led to frustration and grief will be gradually rejected.
The youngest is the neocortex, also called the “Thinking Brain.” Its age is 2 million 200 thousand years and it is responsible for our mental activity. The neocortex perceives, analyzes, sorts messages received from the senses, and is responsible for memory, intelligence, speech and consciousness. Thanks to the neocortex, a person can think, reflect, make logical decisions, build relationships, and interpret the surrounding reality. It is the “new brain” that allows us to have reason, our own opinion, a certain level of intelligence, creativity, and the ability to communicate with other people. The neocortex is also involved in making rational decisions and how actively and fruitfully our imagination works, helping to predict the future and plan it.
Look at the drawing of the brain. As you can see, the reptilian brain is immediately “attached” to the spinal cord, which controls the body and internal organs. Then comes the limbic brain, and only then the rational part of the brain
neocortex
. So, the body and the person as a whole are first controlled by ancient instincts, then by emotions, and only then, if it comes to that, by reason and consciousness. And the human brain in a passive state spends no more than 10% of the body’s total energy, and in an active state 24%. That is, if we compare the motives of this or that behavior, then those that lead to an increase in energy consumption cause enormous resistance on the part of the body, and those that conserve energy cause pleasant emotions. This is why the body always wants to lie in a warm bed instead of going for a run, and the brain will find many reasons not to go for a run. The brain does not like to strain; most decisions are made by instinct. This is very energy-efficient, and the body encourages it. Moreover, the encouragement occurs with pleasure hormones - endorphins, i.e. the person actually begins to feel better. This is extremely difficult to counteract. The brain does not like and does not want to work actively, since it is energy-consuming; when a person thinks, he spends 2.5 times more energy than when he does not think, lies on the couch and watches TV. Therefore, everything that causes energy expenditure by the body is rejected, and everything that is energy saving is supported. It turns out that the primary task of our brain is to save us life and energy. And in response to any changes, even definitely positive ones, it’s as if a red light turns on inside him and the signal lights up: “STOP. DANGEROUS” , even if there is no danger at all. Our brain doesn't like change. It is from here that self-sabotage, various internal conflicts “grow legs,” difficulties appear in leaving the “comfort zone,” fear of even desired changes, and other obstacles associated with personal growth and development. After all, the main task of our brain is to save a person’s life, which means, just in case, to protect a person from the new and unknown, to prevent him from leaving an established way of life. The new and unknown are dangerous for instincts. The logic is simple: incomprehensible, unfamiliar, unexplored means dangerous, even if the neocortex would not convince them otherwise.
I think now you understand why it is difficult to start a new life “on Monday”, introduce new healthy habits, lose weight, and play sports. The reptilian brain does not allow you to suddenly change your usual way of life. It is clear that plans for the future, goals, desires and dreams will also be rejected by the reptilian brain, and their implementation and implementation will be sabotaged and delayed in every possible way.
Therefore, without long-term, targeted actions, the desired changes cannot be achieved. And, of course, you must understand why you are doing all this, what you will get in the end. Because at first you will have to overcome internal resistance and self-sabotage.
Good news: it's only temporary. When the brain understands that something new has appeared in your life, and you are still alive and well, this internal resistance will disappear. But before that you will have to show perseverance, consistency and willpower.
Where is it better to start making changes if you are not happy with many things in life?
There are two ways.
1. Start getting rid of what bothers you the most in life.
What do you dislike most about your life? What makes you feel unhappy and unsatisfied in life? Start with this. Try to remove this negative factor from your life or bring it into a state that is comfortable for you.
Let me explain with my own example.
For me, such a negative factor in life was my unloved job in the financial sector. Routine work with papers and numbers, often overtime, took up the lion's share of my life, and left no time, no energy, no strength for other things that were important to me. Which didn’t suit me at all. I was not ready to leave this job right away, because after ten years of work I became a highly paid professional, and I would not have earned that kind of money in another field right away, and at my job I had very good relationships with the team, management, and clients. Overall, I felt very comfortable at work. And, since I didn’t yet know what kind of business I wanted to do instead of auditing, I decided not to rush to “cut off ends”, but first understand my purpose, find my favorite thing, master the necessary skills and only then quit. But I didn’t have time for all this - work took up almost all of it. And then I decided to switch to a shortened work week. I talked to my bosses and they agreed to meet me: I started working three days a week, instead of five. I now have 4 days just for me and my favorite things. In which I was finally able to do what I wanted: psychology and self-development, creative activities: floristry, drawing, decorating, reading, walks, communicating with interesting people, traveling. A previously unloved job, where I worked five days a week through incredible efforts of will, three days a week did not cause any negative emotions and gave me a fairly decent, stable cash income. Which suited me quite well during that transitional period in search of what I loved. After some time, my search for ways of self-knowledge and self-realization led me to coaching and information business. It turned out that this is exactly what I needed. This is how I found my calling and my favorite thing. Everything happened quite environmentally for me. It actually took several years. But I was in no hurry, and all this time I felt quite happy, which cannot be said about the time when I worked five days a week.
Now, based on my example, think about how you can eliminate or minimize a negative factor in your life.
2. Start with what attracts you most. What dream of yours attracts you most at the current moment in time? Maybe you want to go on the trip of your dreams, learn what you’ve always dreamed of (painting, singing, dancing, wood carving, etc.), quit your boring job and do what you love, create your own business? Do you feel attracted to this dream within yourself, do you have the energy to make it come true? If yes, then start there.
Maybe you don’t have all the necessary resources right now: you don’t have enough money, time, knowledge, but if you want this more than anything else, follow your dream.
Resources will be found as you move towards your goal, and the realization of your cherished dream will change your whole life for the better and open new doors for you. And along this path you will definitely meet like-minded people who will support you and help you realize your dreams.
Or, as an option, if you have a lot of desires and it’s difficult to choose, just set yourself your first goal - the one that will make you happier right now and will become the first building block in the Life of your dreams. The answer to the question will help determine this goal: “Which of all the components of the Life of my dreams that I need can I get most easily, quickly and with the least financial investment?”
Your task: to begin the desired changes in your life as soon as possible. And the realization of the first goal will lead you to the next element of the Life of your dreams... And then to the next... And to the next...
How to make changes so that your brain doesn’t panic too much and allows you to do it?
Setting a plan for yourself with a large volume of tasks at once and forcing yourself to carry it out with extreme willpower is a sure way to failure. The reptilian brain will immediately turn on protective reflexes and self-sabotage is guaranteed. What to do then?
Have you heard about the art of small steps? Start moving a little bit, in such small steps that your brain doesn’t even suspect any danger behind your new actions: plan the minimum amount of work that you are ready to do right now without internal resistance. Even if it's only five to ten minutes. And be sure to take a break and return to a new activity only the next day. What will it give? Of course, during this time you will not advance far, but now, at the initial stage, you are not faced with such a task. Now you need to start doing regularly what you want to see in your life, and not stop halfway, but make this activity familiar and safe for you, like brushing your teeth or going to the grocery store. When a new activity becomes habitual and does not cause internal resistance, the time should be gradually increased.
From Barbara Sher's book It's About Time: “A creative writing teacher in Montana once told us in a workshop, “Try to write every day. If that doesn’t work, edit yourself every day. If this doesn’t work either, then at least take your sketches and walk back and forth with them around the room every day.” Here is wise advice from a person who, by virtue of his profession, knows everything about creative crisis. You probably won’t always be able to do what you need to do, but you should do your best.”
Personal experience: This is how I started running. I don’t like to run, but I want to have an active body that can easily run a kilometer or two at any age, so I started running a little at a time - I ran for 1 minute, then stopped, walked a little, then ran again for 1 minute. In total, I ran like this for 10 minutes the first time. During these 10 minutes, I managed to run around the park behind the house 2 times. Which was not stressful at all for me and was enjoyable. The first time I stopped often, but after a week I calmly ran one lap without stopping, and increased my running time to 20 minutes, and then to half an hour. This is enough for me to stay in shape.
You need to understand within yourself that the changes you want are not dangerous and even good. This comes with experience. For example, it is now much easier for me to start something new, unusual for me, because I have been doing this for many years and I know that what I do is good for me and makes me happier and my life better. But the first changes were very difficult to make. There was such a jitters inside, and I experienced such internal overloads as an airplane taking off. And it is very important to overcome this resistance. Otherwise you will never take off, you will remain where you are. So, you can start the desired changes in your life by minimizing the negative factor in your life, or with the most attractive desire for you at the moment, or move in both of these directions at once. The main thing is to move, and do not forget that: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step”
Natalya Aryaeva, life coach and author of the “Dream Life” project
Original article
Get a pet
Who, if not the smaller brothers, are able to lift a person’s spirits and constantly make him happy? Pets really prolong life and fill it with meaning, so you will never get tired of it. It’s more pleasant to return home when you know that they are waiting for you there. But it is worth taking a responsible approach to such an important decision and choice of animal. Some pets will definitely bring joy, while others will only cause trouble. Therefore, it is important to study in detail all the information about the breed before getting one.
Birds, fish, turtles and other animals that can calm the nervous system can become pets. But practice shows that the happiest people are those who take a dog or cat into their home. And some people have both for complete harmony. These furry animals charge a person with energy, health, make him more active, confident, sociable, responsible, independent and optimistic.
It is important to think a hundred times before getting a pet. This is a very important decision! Buying an animal can bring not only positive emotions, but also a lot of hassle.
