- September 13, 2018
- Psychology of relationships
- Valentina Buravleva
Very often, women turn to a psychologist for advice because they are unable to be happy if their beloved husband is not nearby, or if he behaves inappropriately. It would seem that what could be simpler - to love and be loved? But for some people, most often women, this becomes a real challenge.
The problem of too strong feelings
Why can a woman suffer from such a problem, which can be expressed in one phrase - “I love my husband very much”? Oddly enough, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a specific person with whom the lady is madly in love and “can’t live without him,” often she simply lacks male presence and attention in her life. Often the current love that engulfs a woman is not the first case of such a feeling. She experiences similar experiences in relationships with almost all men.
Features of family relationships
What do such feelings lead to? It is believed that love is a bright and wonderful feeling. Theoretically, a woman who often says to her husband the words: “I love you very much, beloved husband!” should live a wonderful life. But in fact, things are far from so rosy.
Most men cannot miss the opportunity to take advantage of a woman's affection and, increasing their self-esteem, play on her fear of being alone, thereby indulging her unhealthy attachment. Naturally, such relationships lead to the destruction of personality, both women and men.
A box with wishes, do-it-yourself notes 100 reasons to love your boyfriend, husband, man, beloved
Making a box is even easier. If you have one left over from some gift, it suits the size and color, all you have to do is stick on the label and come up with the decor. If you don’t have one, glue the box yourself or take a white shoe box. You can cover it with wrapping paper and you're done.
A box with wishes, notes “100 reasons for love” to a boyfriend, husband, man, beloved
Option for decorating a gift box.
Come up with your own unique reasons for loving your chosen one. Or use the tips from this article.
Learn to pay attention to yourself
From such ladies you can often hear two phrases: “I love my husband very much” and “What should I do?” Indeed, often such attachment begins to bring suffering. Moreover, unsuccessful relationships with the opposite sex are just the tip of the iceberg. The reason most likely lies in the relationship with parents. Obsessiveness in love is evidence that in childhood people received insufficient attention from their parents, and now they seek to compensate for this at the expense of a sexual partner. And in these cases, the woman usually says: “I love my husband very much, I can’t live without him.”
In order not to lose herself in a relationship, a lady must learn to give herself the attention that she would like to receive from her partner. You must be able to listen to your own needs and satisfy them yourself. Often, women who love their spouses too much spend all their energy on satisfying the needs of another person. But today’s phrase “I love my husband very much!” tomorrow may lead to a disregardful attitude on his part. Therefore, it is necessary to switch the focus of attention from the life of your lover to your needs as soon as possible.
List of templates. Reasons why I love my husband
During their life together in marriage, people learn everything about each other: desires, fears, bad habits. And there are many more reasons to love your soulmate.
You can arrange a surprise in the form of a box of chocolates, each of which will have one reason written on the wrapper:
- You know me better than anyone.
- I appreciate every day spent together.
- Thanks for your understanding.
- I love you for our common interests.
- You love and respect my parents.
- We gave life to our children.
- You are a jack of all trades, you can fix any breakdown in the apartment.
- I love our vacations together.
- We both enjoy decorating the Christmas tree and setting the table together.
- You are my reason to live.
- I love it for sharing showers.
- Trust in you will never dry up.
- I often notice hidden gifts for a romantic dinner.
- You listen carefully to all my accumulated problems.
- Sometimes I don’t even have to ask, because you understand me without words.
- Your help around the house is priceless.
- You praise me for my efforts to create home comfort.
- We love to cook together.
- I didn’t regret choosing you as my husband.
- When I have a cold or flu, you take care of me.
- You often pick up the kids from school when I'm late at work.
- You respect my feelings.
- You often give compliments and bring me joy.
- You express sympathy and support at the right time.
- If you are delayed somewhere, you always call and warn me about it so that I don’t worry.
- Don’t lie and say directly what doesn’t suit you, and then we look for compromises together.
- When we are in society or in the company of familiar people, you pay more attention to me than to others.
- You buy me clothes and they fit perfectly, you know my tastes and preferences.
- You open the door for me.
- You always appreciate my cooking skills.
- You laugh when I joke, even if the joke is not funny.
- You always find time to be alone.
- You help clean the kitchen after dinner and wash the dishes when you see that I’m tired.
- When you're away, you can always find time for a telephone conversation with your wife.
- When you get home, the first thing you do is hug me.
These are just some of the reasons why you love your husband. The list can be replenished with other phrases, and this can be continued ad infinitum. An important condition is sincerity in recognition.
Be sure to read:
How to find out and check if a guy loves you, if he needs you
Recognize the problem
The first step to freeing yourself from unhealthy relationships is understanding the cause of your addiction to men. Understanding that this feeling is not sincere, but is caused by the need to resolve one’s own internal conflicts at the expense of outsiders. A woman always wants to be needed and feel protected. Without this, she cannot achieve peace of mind. At the same time, the instinct of motherhood and the desire to create a family for a woman in such relationships are in the background or are completely absent.
Therefore, you should not constantly repeat to yourself: “I love my husband very much.” It is useful to rephrase the phrase. For example, as follows: “I have a very strong dependence on men, and on my husband in particular. But I can cope with this problem, since I have enough strength to do so.” Why is this awareness so important? If a dependent woman wants to keep a man, she does not hesitate to use any means. Persuasion, tears, hysterics, threats - this is only part of what she can do. Even realizing that her behavior is wrong, she can hardly control herself. The blind desire to “possess” does not give her the opportunity to calmly think and look at the situation from the outside.
A jar with wishes, do-it-yourself notes 100 reasons to love a boyfriend, husband, man, beloved
We offer you a master class on making a jar - a gift for your beloved husband or boyfriend. It is easy to do and does not require large financial expenditures. Prepare:
- glass jar
- wrapping, white, colored paper
- acrylic paints
- Double-sided tape
- scissors
- pencil, marker
- braid or satin ribbon
- blanks for decoupage if desired
This jar is perfect for making a DIY gift for your boyfriend or husband.
Wrapping paper, ribbons, lace - all this is suitable for making a souvenir jar “100 and 1 reason...”.
Don't forget to make a label and stick it to your jar.
These neat tubes contain the reasons for your love for Him.
Decorate the gift at your discretion.
- In principle, any colored jar is suitable for this gift. But if you use a container for coffee or bulk products, it will be more beautiful. You can use plastic, but if it is not cloudy.
- Think about what to do with the lid. If it is beautiful, like in the picture below, you can leave everything as it is. If you don’t like something, paint it with acrylic paints or cover it with colored paper.
- Focus on the reasons themselves. Prepare rectangles of paper and roll them into tubes. Take the time to tie each wish with a ribbon, the gift will look more impressive. By the way, if you have curly scissors, use them.
- Prepare a label that says “100 and 1 reasons why I love you.” If you want, write the name of your chosen one on it, place a photo of you together. Decorate the label as you wish.
- Attach the label to the jar using double-sided tape. Decorate the jar itself with stickers, ribbons, and paper decor.
- Place small scrolls in a jar and close it.
This jar is a gift from the heart and with great love.
Get psychotherapy
Sometimes it can be extremely difficult to heal yourself from love addiction. In this case, you cannot do without the help of a specialist who will help you work through childhood traumas. Even if they are mild, one way or another these early effects on the psyche leave an imprint on a person’s entire life.
Parents begin to make mistakes in raising children from a very early age. In infancy, the mother could underfeed the child, not approach him when he was crying, or ignore him for a long time. There is an opinion that if you do not react to a child’s crying, he will grow up to be independent. This is wrong. The child develops a feeling of fear, he feels abandoned, and is constantly in an anxious state.
The importance of psychotherapeutic work on childhood
The consequences of injuries received at such an early age are dangerous because they are practically unconscious and difficult to correct. Growing up, such a woman realizes: “I love my husband very much, what should I do now? How can I reduce this emotional intensity before it begins to take advantage of my weakness and trample on family values?” The answer to this truly difficult question lies in turning your attention to the past.
Moreover, it is recommended to do this in the company of a qualified psychotherapist. A child raised in an orphanage is completely deprived of parental attention, which cannot but lead to negative consequences. In addition, some children may be subject to overt, gratuitous violence from adults. And even if a child grew up in a complete, prosperous family, he could receive many negative attitudes from his parents that could hinder him in adulthood.
For example, a mother could often reproach her daughter for giving her a lot of trouble, or constantly set up a more obedient child as an example, reproach her for not being serious and it’s time for her to grow up, demand primacy in all endeavors, or, conversely, not allow anything. , afraid that something will happen to her. Having matured, such a woman will feel inferior, which will certainly affect her relationship with her husband. Yes, psychotherapy is quite an expensive pleasure. But if a lady values her family relationships and also wants to develop herself as a person, then all these costs will pay off handsomely in the future.
Ready-made templates for confessing your feelings to a guy
Ready-made phrases in a table that you can simply print and cut out rectangles according to the contours (see table 1).
The pre-phrase for the templates in Table 1 is “I love you for...”
Table 1 - Templates for the gift “100 and 1 reasons why I love you”
№ | Cause | № | Cause |
1 | that you give me the best thing in your life | 51 | your love for my shortcomings |
2 | your responsiveness | 52 | your laughter that sounds like music |
3 | that you turn my mistakes into a joke | 53 | your tender kisses |
4 | the fact that you are with me, no matter what | 54 | your consolations during my tears |
5 | our future | 55 | the fact that you praise my burnt cooking |
6 | your support | your longing for me when you're not far away | |
7 | the fact that you warm me when I'm cold | 57 | that you are my personal hero |
8 | your look | 58 | your inspiration to me |
9 | that you have the courage to endure my tantrums | 59 | your increased attention to me |
10 | feeling of security next to you | 60 | your jealousy |
11 | your uniqueness | 61 | your courage |
12 | morning coffee with you | 62 | beautiful smile |
13 | always in a good mood | 63 | problem solving skills |
14 | understanding | 64 | the fact that you make my days unique |
15 | that he's as crazy as me | 65 | the fact that with you I can always behave naturally and at ease |
16 | that you don't care what others say about me | 66 | every happy minute next to you |
17 | your listening skills | 67 | that you are always near, even when far away |
18 | your wisdom | 68 | that you are only mine |
19 | your sense of humor | 69 | your trust |
20 | raising my self-esteem | 70 | meaning of life |
21 | your shoulder, which is always at my service | 71 | feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” |
22 | the way you hold my hand tightly while walking | 72 | that for your sake I am ready to change for the better |
23 | feeling of integrity next to you | 73 | that you can't stay mad at me for long |
24 | that you let me be a little girl next to you | 74 | that my mother approved of you |
25 | the fact that you love me when we're at loggerheads | 75 | feeling like wings have grown |
26 | then you won't get bored | 76 | what is with you “in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer” |
27 | the fact that for my sake you can miss the broadcast of your favorite team’s match | 77 | your curls |
28 | revealing my femininity | 78 | your touch |
29 | the fact that in the photo with you I always look happy | 79 | your gesture, look and word |
30 | your devotion | 80 | that I'm yours |
31 | your most tender hands in the world | 81 | a feeling of joy from anticipation and sweetness from every meeting |
32 | dreams with you | 82 | that you think I'm special |
33 | that you protect my sleep. | 83 | that you can keep secrets |
34 | the fact that you move me to bed from the sofa | 84 | our children |
35 | your advances | 85 | your help |
36 | your patience | 86 | that you love my cat |
37 | that with you I can be myself | 87 | the fact that it’s interesting to even be silent with you |
38 | that you come up with original nicknames for me | 88 | the fact that you make my heart beat faster |
39 | the way you gently stroke my head | 89 | colorful life |
40 | your embrace | 90 | that with you you will not be lost |
41 | the fact that you apologize even when I am 100% at fault | 91 | that you appeared in my life |
42 | that you tolerate my lack of punctuality | 92 | the fact that you can surprise me |
43 | that you are my oasis of peace and tranquility | 93 | what saved me from loneliness |
44 | why do you tolerate my friends | 94 | your sweet sms |
45 | your generosity | 95 | your taste in music |
46 | your compliments | 96 | the thing you hug when I cry during a movie |
47 | your pleasant aroma | 97 | your generosity |
48 | me next to you | 98 | that next to you I am a real queen |
49 | your cute snoring | 99 | that you always have time for me |
50 | That you won't spare me the last slice of pizza | 100 | that you are my soul mate, which I have been trying to find for so long |
The last reason can be written in text similar to that shown in the picture.
Increase your self-esteem
A woman who says, “I love my husband very much,” often suffers from low self-esteem. Feeling insufficiently confident, the addict will seek self-affirmation at the expense of others. If she is loved, she feels needed and significant; if she is lonely or rejected, her self-esteem falls, she feels unnecessary and unhappy. Many women subconsciously strive to compensate for the lack of love in childhood at the expense of the attention of their husband or lover. The roots of this problem are also in childhood. But it is quite possible to improve this situation if you work on yourself and try to transform your own character. Look at your experiences from the outside
Another important step towards liberation is to try to abstract yourself from your feelings, to think about why this relationship is really needed. Why does this phrase constantly appear in your mind: “I love my husband very much”? What are the current relationships leading to? Perhaps fate itself wants to convey to such a woman something important about her and her life? Undoubtedly, if a dependent woman begins to work on herself, she will be able to achieve good results in this. And then her life will be much happier - after all, she will become free from the shackles of illusory love.
If we are talking about treason
Sometimes a woman’s thoughts can be occupied by the following problem: “I love my husband very much, but I’m cheating.” Where does this difficulty “grow” from? Even if there are deep feelings towards her husband, but for some reason a woman prefers to spend time with her lover, this does not happen out of the blue. Most likely, there are things that seriously dissatisfy her in her current relationship. And if these problems are not worked out, then sooner or later the family boat will leak - and not necessarily because the wife’s infidelity will be revealed.
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship if one or both partners are not psychologically healthy. A self-sufficient person is capable of experiencing sincere, selfless feelings. Those who have unresolved problems in all respects will strive to resolve them at the expense of others. It is necessary to understand what this problem is and solve it without using close people. And then it will not be difficult for a free individual to build healthy, strong relationships.
How to make your husband fall in love with you again. 8 steps that any woman can do
After several years of marriage, romantic dates, kisses and hugs, as a rule, are replaced by habit. Psychologist Elena Tsedova told AiF.ru how to bring back the “taste” of a relationship and help your husband see you as an attractive woman again
1. Praise your man
Learn to express gratitude to your spouse. Any man wants recognition from his woman, wants to hear: “What a great guy you are. I am proud of you!". There is no need to compare him with others. Your loved one should read the information every day that you have chosen the best man in the world - him.
The spouse simply must provide such emotional support, then she will receive attention in return. The exchange of energies and feelings begins with us, dear women. When a wife does not give her husband joy, happiness, delight, he automatically stops giving her emotions in return. Remember once and for all that the primary source is a woman. If you want to have gifts, flowers, kisses, hugs - pay attention to the man. Never lower the degree of importance of your chosen one.
Looking for the middle. Why do women need feelings, and men need bed?
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2. Remember the past
A thing called “ours” helps to renew old emotions. All people who have been married for some amount of time definitely have something “ours”: our restaurant, our movie, etc. “Ours” are the moments that unite spouses and which only two people know about. The more such things you remember (visit), the better. Just please don’t confuse “ours” with the first store you walked through together for 8 hours looking for wallpaper. You need to remember pleasant things that gave you good emotions. You drive past a stop under which you once stood and kissed in your youth, remind your husband of this: “Do you remember...”. At this moment, memories may arise in a man of how good he felt then, and he will transfer them to real life.
In the evening, you can watch some movie from the “ours” category and smoothly transfer it from such a pleasant emotion to sex. For many couples, intimacy turns into marital duty. It is not right. It’s good when intimacy occurs on an emotional high. But, of course, you shouldn’t overuse it and use “your movies and places” tricks every day for good sex.
3. Take care of yourself
It's no secret that a man's appearance is very important to him. Looking at her, he understands how the woman treats him. Often wives (especially those with many years of experience) walk around the house in some stretchy clothes, terrible dressing gowns, etc. But when the same woman needs to go out, she spends half a day choosing a wardrobe, doing her hair and preening. A man understands this situation in his own way: for me, she puts on a stretched T-shirt, and for someone else, she dresses like a beauty queen.
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Question answer
Woman or maid? 5 secrets of survival in the “home cage” There are two simple rules regarding home clothes. First: you can look sexy at home (short robes, light T-shirts and shorts) if the couple lives alone and the situation allows it. Second: the clothes should be such that you could go outside in them right now (purely hypothetically) and you wouldn’t be ashamed. No one says that you need to walk around the apartment wearing makeup, hair, and a dress with a train. No, you just have to look nice and neat. There is no need to wrap any “dulls” of dirty hair around your head. Make a braid, a ponytail. You need to let your man know that you take care of yourself and are doing this for him.
Speaking about appearance, of course, one cannot fail to mention a woman’s weight, which often begins to increase immediately after the wedding. It has been proven that men do not see excess weight if it does not exceed 7 kilograms. If the number is higher, then your husband will notice your new (not always appetizing) forms. Pulling leopard-print underwear onto your 90-kilogram body will not change anything. You will not become attractive to your loved one. So take care of yourself. And under no circumstances should you say or even think along the lines of: “Yes, I weigh 200 kilograms, but my husband weighs even more.” You need to start with yourself, and then, you see, your spouse will catch up.
4. Take a break from children and relatives
You need to take a break from children, close relatives, pets, etc. It is simply impossible to fall in love with your wife again against the backdrop of a large family. People should spend time together and communicate on topics that concern them both, without affecting everything in the world.
And you also need to be able to properly take a break from each other! There is such a thing as “30 minutes of silence.” My husband came, he was tired and didn’t want to talk. No need to touch him. When a man is stressed, he is silent, unlike a woman, first he needs to think. Leave him alone. You can also do your business in different rooms. Such rest is also needed, because people get tired of each other.
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5. Take initiative
Many men think that they are loved when they have sex with them. Moreover, in the case when a woman herself invites her husband for intimacy, she takes the initiative. This is very important for representatives of the stronger sex. And then draw your own conclusions...
6. Break up for a while
Separating for a while is a very dangerous thing, although in some cases it is effective, because it is at this moment that a man may (or may not) realize that his wife is really important to him. You should not take such a step at the moment of complete collapse of the relationship, since the man will survive the week, and by the second he will understand how good he is without you. And this means only one thing - divorce. If a wife constantly forbids her loved one everything, then it will be very good for him alone: if he wants, he drinks beer with friends, watches football, etc. And you can always order food, so he won’t grieve for long. Separating for a while will play a cruel joke on you if there is even a fraction of a doubt that your husband will be better off without you than with you.
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7. Go somewhere new
Oddly enough, vacationing together, rather than separately, as many experts advise, helps renew relationships. A man’s brain is designed in such a way that in another territory he wants his woman much more than in his usual environment. At the same time, it is better to spend a joint vacation not at your favorite dacha (place, hotel). It’s better to change the country, the hotel - everything is radical! This excites a man.
Another important point. The new environment will only be useful if you relax yourself and let your man do it. Vacations should take place in an atmosphere of absolute relaxation. There is no need to discuss children, problems, work and other “pleasant” topics. And when you return home, it’s better not to plunge into the “all the hard stuff” of everyday life from the first day, but to try to prolong the pleasant aftertaste of your vacation.
In the point about rest, I would like to mention such a thing as the ability to leave your comfort zone, it can also be useful. Let's say you're used to going on vacation to five-star hotels, then it's time to think about hiking. There must be something that will “knock” you out of your usual life. You can choose kayaking or a trip to the mountains; overcoming difficulties together brings people together even more.
8. Fight the everyday
Change the concept of dating. Have you been dining by candlelight for ten years? Say goodbye to this habit. For example, prepare sandwiches and go for a picnic in the forest in the morning, exchange a romantic dinner for a romantic breakfast. What doesn’t excite you doesn’t give you new emotions - you need to change it!