I hate women
Very often, men’s complexes that interfere with their healthy sexual activity develop on the basis of illusions or childhood traumas, which they carry with them throughout their lives, without even knowing it. Here is an example of two interesting clinical cases.
The Don Quixote complex It is named, of course, in honor of that very literary hero Cervantes. The main feature of this complex has nothing to do with mill battles and a chubby squire friend on a donkey. Everything is simpler here and without hidden meanings: the name refers to the image of a noble knight who needs the lady of his heart - a beautiful princess. Therefore, men with the Don Quixote complex idealize girls, and when faced with cruel reality, they can shift responsibility for their shattered expectations onto the lady. Usually the complex is characteristic of infantile individuals who did not have time to understand in time that life is far from a fairy tale. It happens that disappointment hits Don Quixote so hard that he goes into the world of his dreams deeply and for a long time, tightly closing himself off from reality and accusing all the women of the world of being unworthy of his sophisticated person.
Orestes Complex Orestes is a character in ancient Greek mythology who killed his mother and her lover. Modern Orestes experience negative emotions towards women - such a character has enough misogyny to make comments for all feminist public pages. As a rule, the complex develops in a family where the child faces constant humiliation from the mother, which subsequently leads to revenge on all women in general. Another possible scenario: the son reproduces the behavior of his aggressive father, adopting from him the habit of insulting and beating his wife, explaining this by saying that she “deserved”, “provoked” and “it was her own fault.”
Description of the concept
The Whore and Madonna complex refers to fears of an erotic nature, which are characterized by a person’s negative fantasies about sexual intercourse with his other half. The complex affects all aspects of an individual's life. Such people cannot be satisfied in bed, and this causes problems spiritually and physically. The behavior of a person suffering from the Whore and Madonna complex changes for the worse and can sometimes become antisocial.
The essence of the complex is the representation and role of a woman in a man’s life. The moral perception of the stronger sex sometimes plays a decisive role, so a certain duality of roles in a woman may occur.
- Madonna is pure and immaculate.
- The harlot is accessible and frivolous.
Having married a girl, a man immediately loses interest in her due to the fact that for him she is an example of holiness and purity. This happens because many men have a clear division into girls - spouses and girls-lovers. They are meticulous in choosing the first category of women; they need the ideal housewife and mother of children. A mistress is needed to satisfy lust, passion, and distract from everyday problems. According to men suffering from the Madonna complex, they cannot sleep with the woman they love because they associate her with her mother or sister.
Historical perception
The complex was noticed a long time ago and was no longer a complex, but a compulsion. In the old days, a man could marry a cousin or a girl many years younger than him.
Therefore, due to moral perception, it was not easy for the stronger sex to overcome themselves and commit incestuous, in his opinion, actions towards his wife.
Anemones and those who like to walk “to the left”
If the two previous characters spit venom at the sight of women, these, on the contrary, adore them excessively. So much so that people indiscriminately call them “womanizers.” But there is a big difference: some do it solely for the sake of narcissism, while others pursue completely different goals. The common denominator is again the same: complexes.
Complex of the Madonna and the Whore It would seem, what do men have to do with it? The name may be confusing, but it's simple here. This complex is due to the fact that for an easy pastime, men choose a relaxed and cheerful “Whore”, who becomes a fighting friend or mistress. But, of course, they don’t consider her as a life partner, so they are looking for “Madonna” as a wife - pure, faithful, kind. It's like waiting for Santa Claus on New Year's Eve because he was a good boy, but in the closet you have a small children's high chair and a table for sacrifices.
Macho complex No comments here. Such men perceive relationships as a distance with obstacles: they set themselves goals related only to the conquest of women and further narcissism. Macho men often try to play with the images of the Madonna and the Whore: trying to translate the former into the latter, and deliberately elevating the latter to the former, so that the “victory” would be more valuable. Now this complex lives a broader life, resulting in excessive machismo.
The Don Juan complex is very similar to the macho complex, but machos are distinguished by hypertrophied masculinity and superego, but modern Don Juans simply love women. They prefer to do this for a short time. Relationships, as a rule, are limited to the achievement of conquering a lady, and then “it’s not about you, but about me,” and the new woman hears from his lips another imperfect tackle. All this, as in the two previous cases, is accompanied by a fair amount of sexism and an objectivist attitude towards girls.
Madonna and Harlot Complex
Many boys express a desire to “marry their mother” at the age of 4-5, and sometimes adults support this game with laughter: it’s so touching when a toddler naively makes solemn promises! However, unfortunately, this game is not as insignificant as it might seem, and playing it can lead to disruptions in the formation of the sexual behavior of a future man. Fortunately, it may not, and if you joked about this topic once, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about, the child’s psyche is labile and capable of self-healing. But the trouble is if the mother unknowingly feeds these hopes of the child and for some reason, imperceptibly but surely ties him to herself. In the most extreme case, this can lead to a split in male sexuality.
This can lead to problems not only for men who have already entered independent life, but also for their wives.
What is psychological splitting
The rather banal saying that “men hang out with some and marry others” gives us an idea of the prevalence of the problem. Sometimes it’s as if two people coexist in one man: with his mind and soul he loves one woman - virtuous, faithful, devoted... but the only problem is: it’s impossible for him to even think about sex with such a beautiful Madonna! Doesn't excite, despite sincere love. But it’s completely different that excites – flighty, accessible, sexy, sometimes even promiscuous, sometimes sincerely assessed as “bad”. Harlot, fury! But here’s the problem: it’s in relation to her that the excitement is very present, despite the fact that the mind and soul are against it.
The former are loved with sublime love, chosen as wives and mothers, while the latter are considered only as an object to satisfy sexual needs. The beloved in the subconscious is transformed into the image of the Madonna, a holy, sublime woman, and not carnal: not sexual, close to the image of the mother. Attraction to which is blocked by socio-cultural prohibitions. And the better the attitude towards the object, the faster the image of the Madonna is formed, and the faster the attraction disappears in the presence of such splitting. In this case, women are strictly divided into two categories, excluding the presence of a “golden mean” as such. The Madonna-Whore complex is one of the most common psychological sources of “sexual boredom” that occurs in men in marriage.
How splitting can manifest itself
Sometimes this splitting manifests itself in youth, when a young man silently adores from afar a young and pure girl, whom he does not even dare to approach, but has sex with a woman, often older than himself, whom he himself does not respect for this. This is one of the most extreme cases, and, fortunately, it does not always come to this.
Sometimes it comes later, after marriage and, usually, the birth of the first child. Anecdotal statements: “Will she really kiss our children with these very lips?” From the point of view of reason, this man may be terribly amused, and he himself may consider them incredibly stupid. But the excitement after the birth of a child disappears somewhere, and the truly beloved wife is transferred to the pedestal of the Madonna. In this case, the appearance of a “harlot” mistress is usually only a matter of time...
More often, this splitting remains simply within the framework of an unconscious switching of roles with one woman: then it can manifest itself in a paradoxical situation when, during good relationships in the family, sex is either not initiated by a man at all, or occurs somehow sluggishly. But in the process of the scandal, the beloved wife acquires the coveted status of an outsider, immoral woman, with whom one can and should experience intense sexual sensations. And try it immediately. And then he begins to harass his partner, commits rough, hasty sexual intercourse, avoiding love foreplay and thereby causing serious psychological trauma to his half.
In the most favorable cases, switching roles can be deliberate: role-playing games provide an opportunity to turn a respectable, devoted, reliable, but sexually unattractive partner into a desirable, but immoral object of passion. If partners use elements of love theater - dressing up, makeup, elements of sadomasochism, playing vicious roles, stockings and corsets, leather and latex - then this is a completely working way to improve sexual relationships.
Awareness of the problem
In short, a wife who takes care of a man, is constantly nearby and to whom the man is attached, can subconsciously over time begin to be perceived by him as a mother: you remember that the boy wanted to marry his mother? Well, I finally waited, the dream came true. As a result, sexual attraction to his wife is inhibited, because sex with his mother is considered a forbidden activity for most men.
Fortunately, if a man has realized such a problem in himself, his situation is not hopeless: due to the prevalence of the problem, psychologists and psychotherapists are able to work with it quite well, so it makes sense to turn to a specialist in order to reconsider the relationship with the mother and complete the process that stopped in childhood separation. Then it will be possible to combine in the image of a wife not only the Madonna, but also the very harlot with whom you can get sexual satisfaction.
However, if a man does not consider what is happening as his problem, but regards it as a shortcoming of his wife - that, they say, she does not excite him - then no awareness comes. The lot of a man in this case is a whirlpool of madonnas and harlots, which still cannot be combined in one person. But what should a woman do?
The main mistake of women
Alas, this is the very case when it is completely impossible to recognize in advance that a man has such a feature: for example, before the birth of a child, there could be nothing to foretell future problems. If attempts at seduction do not lead to the desired result, it makes sense to discuss what is happening, dotting the i’s. For the woman’s task in this case is to find out the man’s position and soberly assess the prospects of marriage.
Unfortunately, if a man has the described psychological split, his behavior causes his wife to experience a persistent decrease in pleasure from life, both for objective reasons for the lack of sex and for subjective ones: there are few women in the world who do not doubt their own usefulness in such conditions .
The woman doubts herself, it seems to her that family problems are a consequence of her substandard behavior. The husband’s relationships with friends, colleagues, and relatives serve as proof: with strangers he is a completely different person! He is kind with children, attentive with his mother-in-law, charming with guests... And what he cheats on, or is an unimaginable rude person, after which he practices rough sex - this only happens to her! Apparently, she really is a loser, a fool, a log, a bungler, a spendthrift and an ugly person. And it is not surprising that the husband behaves this way.
This is precisely the main mistake women make: yes, there are always two people involved in a problem! But sometimes a woman's only responsibility is that she allows herself to be treated this way; The reasons for such behavior of the husband may lie in the distant time of the formation of his sexuality.
However, the reasons why women sometimes take responsibility for someone’s feelings, including sexual ones, can also lie in their distant childhood!
This is why it is so important to recognize your own problems and seek help from a specialist so as not to pass them on to your children.
Have you seen my mother here?
Those whom we used to call “mama’s boys” are in fact also consumed by severe complexes. And they also come from childhood. There may be a great many of them, but the strangest and most repulsive, of course, is Oedipus. Women, by the way, have their own analogue of this head cockroach - the Electra complex.
Oedipus complex Classic of sexual deviations. Our ancient Greek friend Oedipus one day kills his father, marries his mother and becomes one of the main images in Freud's “creativity”. People with this complex are usually credited with an unconscious infatuation with their own mother, which is accompanied by jealousy of their father and dreams of how he will one day go out for cigarettes and not return. The same feature is possessed by those who in their future wife are looking not for the Madonna or the Harlot, but for a universal mother: powerful, caring, merciful. Instead of special qualities, someone will be satisfied with similar facial features or hair color, but there are deviations that lead to the search for a bride who smells like the groom's mother.
Children's dreams and reality
The complex originates in childhood. The boy falls in love with his mother and even wants to marry her, because love between them is impossible, the thought of marriage is forgotten. Having matured, he begins to be drawn to women who look like his mother, but are cold and unavailable.
The child has no experience in establishing relationships even in a playful way; he inevitably faces disappointment and cannot achieve reciprocal love; having achieved it, he does not value the result.
The following factors provoke the complex:
- Maternal coldness, humiliation from the mother. The attitude is reinforced that beautiful and ideal women are capable of barbs and humiliation, coldness and rudeness.
- Increased attention from women who are simple, approachable and unattractive. As an adult, he believes that he can easily win the heart of any unattractive lady without much effort.
- Father's betrayal. If a son witnessed his mother’s suffering because of her husband’s infidelity, if she scolded her rivals, the teenager develops a feeling of hatred towards sexually uninhibited girls, a desire to use them as a sexual object and then abandon them. As a child, he considers them to be responsible for his mother’s grief.
- The idealization of a mother who is modest, fragile and incapable of betrayal. If she has become his ideal, then the teenager will condemn available women, considering them vicious.
- If there is an attitude in the family that a guy needs to have a good time and then marry a virgin.
- If a bright and uninhibited girl used a teenager, playing with feelings. During adolescence, a guy develops the attitude that only asexual young ladies who do not strive for sexual adventures are worthy of attention and love.
What a freak I am
We've all had problems accepting our bodies and realizing our attractiveness—in our youth, that's for sure. Men rarely admit this, but psychologists have still managed to identify several serious complexes that are associated with the body and appearance.
Quasimodo complex The most harmless complex of all presented here and the easiest to treat. This man simply underestimates the features of his appearance, unconsciously underestimating the level of his photogenicity and attractiveness. In the future, for the same reasons, he limits communication with the opposite sex, not to mention intimacy.
Small penis complex Another inferiority complex, but associated not with the face, but with the penis, which, unfortunately, did not grow. In the imagination of such a man, impending sex seems to be an inevitable act of shame, intimate life becomes an unbearable test or is even seen as impossible. You have to compensate - it works out differently for everyone.
Syndrome in men
Madonna syndrome is a psychological disorder that appears in men due to the fear of committing an incestuous act towards a lady. This kind of syndrome forces a man, mentally and in reality, to separate spiritual intimacy from sexual intimacy. If a person suffering from a psychological disorder such as Madonna syndrome communicates for a long time, shares secrets, loves a woman and idolizes her, then after the wedding he completely loses desire for her. She is an inviolable and divine object; to touch her means to commit violence.
Subsequently, sex occurs only with a person who is not at all interested in and has no spiritual intimacy with a man, more often these are girls of easy virtue who do not respect themselves and offer intimate services. There must be a new girl every time.
This behavior is pathological and requires the help of a specialist. If a person cannot have intimacy with his life partner, then the problem may lie deep in the subconscious and be a consequence of a deeper mental problem. We are talking about obsessive states that require supervision by experienced specialists.
The patient often turns to women of easy virtue
On the verge of crime
Some owners of complexes pose a serious danger to others, because because of their problems they can do something so unforgivable and terrible that the whole country will know about it. From crime news reports.
Othello complex A well-known Shakespearean character who strangled his wife in a fit of baseless jealousy. A man with this complex also concentrates his sick attention on searching for reasons for jealousy and receives unhealthy satisfaction if his fears are confirmed. Sometimes this develops into a serious form of paranoid disorder known as delusions of jealousy. Unlucky Othello is afraid not only of losing his beloved, but also that someone will find out about this, which means that the shadow of a cuckold will fall on his powerful image. A jealous person cannot allow this to happen.
Leontes complex Another literary character gained his fame due to the sexual deviations of some men from the future. If the Othello man is accustomed to suspecting treason, then the Leontes man is inclined to assume that his child may not be his child. He could be a calm husband who is absolutely not prone to jealousy, but then his son (suddenly) did not turn out to be his exact copy, which leads him along a crooked, but quite well-trodden path - to the thought: what if this is the fruit of some man - cuckoos in his (excuse me) nest. Usually this complex resolves with time or leads to a DNA test, like on the Maury Povich show.
Griselda complex It is named after one of the heroines of Giovanni Boccaccio's Decameron and, like the Oedipus complex, is related to the family, but manifests itself in a much more vile form. The Griselda complex develops in fathers who take a careless step from the edge of paternal care into the abyss of unhealthy sexual desire. This path can lead to irreparable acts of a violent nature and incest, which already goes beyond the boundaries of sexual deviations and falls under several articles of the criminal code.
Causes
The reasons for this behavior and the development of the Harlot complex may be:
- overly demanding upbringing: the guy is imposed an excessive sense of guilt and morality in relation to the opposite sex;
- as a boy, a man can fall in love with his mother and desperately fight this love, but having turned into a self-sufficient man and having met his love, which will certainly be similar to his mother, he will not be able to overcome his feelings of guilt and make love with his parent;
- a man may refuse sex with his wife due to the birth of a child, being offended due to lack of attention to himself;
- a man's test of sexual boredom: this happens in young couples, where the girl too quickly takes on the role of a caring and omnipresent mother or older sister, which causes disgust in her partner.
Having a baby can turn a man off from sex
A little exotic
Sexual deviance is not just the concern of white men who suddenly get bored playing tennis and start delving into each other's painful intimate experiences. There are also purely national distortions of this kind.
Residents of the Malay Islands sometimes experience the so-called amok. This mental disorder develops when the spouse commits infidelity. The husband is unable to cope with this impression and eventually loses control of himself: he begins to destroy the faces of people who, as it seems to him, are making fun of his misfortune.
Another unusual variation called dhat is endemic to India. Hindus who have learned what dhat is are not laughing at all. These people are afraid of their own ejaculation, since for them sperm is associated with vitality, and who would want it to just leave the body like that, even though it gives an orgasm in return.
We hope that you did not find yourself among our descriptions, and we sincerely wish that you learn about sexual problems and deviations only from films, books and educational articles. What did Malakhov say? Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
