Is it normal for your loved one to piss you off, and what to do about it?

September 13, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Maria Matselevich

At the very beginning of the relationship, the spouses cannot understand how they could live without each other all this time. But gradually this state passes, and subsequently completely changes in the opposite direction. After all, life together is filled not only with joy - it takes a lot of effort to maintain peace in the house.

You constantly have to give in on something, take care of someone other than yourself, no matter how tired you are. Daily meetings and living together are two different things. And having realized this, every woman enters a period when her husband infuriates and annoys her. After all, it is impossible to hide the negative sides forever.

Difficult stage

Negative feelings towards a lover sooner or later manifest themselves in every person. The only difference is when the hatred comes. Some coexist peacefully for several decades and only then dump out all the accumulated negativity. Others, after just a few months of marriage, want to give up everything. According to statistics, it is the female gender that shows the most dissatisfaction, and this is quite justified, because ladies are more emotional. Especially situations when the husband is annoying arise in those couples where the wife does not work and spends all her time on housekeeping.

She has no opportunity to change the situation, the walls begin to press in, and the man simply finds himself in the line of fire of his wife’s emotional outburst. But any crisis can be overcome and even used to your advantage. And before starting full-scale military operations or looking for ways to solve the problem, it is important to understand what led to this situation. And only then will it be possible to understand what to do. Your husband is annoying, his every action, word, deed is unbearably annoying, and you can’t do anything about it. You're probably just tired, you're overworked. Or some serious problems are brewing in your family.

Mad Husband

Male cruelty towards women has existed at all times. Previously, a wife was perceived as a thing, a piece of property that belonged to the owner, like a house with a lawn. But that was before, a very long time ago. However, men still beat their wives. Has the possessive attitude really survived to this day? As a rule, assault is most often found in families where none of their spouses can boast of their developed intelligence. Although assault can be found in an intelligent family. All abusive husbands have one thing in common - the desire to control their wives, thereby achieving obedience from them. Through punishment they force themselves to obey and subjugate women.

Naturally, many men consider this method justified; according to their logic, it turns out that if they didn’t love, they wouldn’t care. Their logical chain looks like this: I hit because I’m jealous, and I’m jealous because I love. It is also worth considering that a lot depends on a person’s upbringing. For example, if a man grew up in a family where fights were the most common occurrence, then it is quite possible that this attitude will transfer to his new family. Other men try to raise their self-esteem through assault. Such men, as a rule, are indecisive and even cowardly by nature.

Outside the home, they can endure all the ridicule and disdain, and his unhappy wife will be responsible for all this. They are humiliated, ridiculed, but they endure everything and accumulate all the negativity and aggression, so that they can later throw it all out on their household members. Almost every third man hit his wife at least once in his life. When men lose control of themselves, they can cause great harm. They explain their behavior by saying that their wives themselves created conditions for them that they could not tolerate. As sad as it may sound, sometimes men are right. Women, I know very well that there is a certain threshold and you cannot “hit” your husband where it hurts. Many wives forget this and also that a man can be unpredictable.

And, some women are by nature weak-willed, tolerant and flexible. Without noticing it themselves, they can provoke their husbands to certain behavior. Women behave with men in such a way that they understand that they can do whatever they want with impunity. It follows from this that the husband, accustomed to impunity, becomes more dissolute, frantic and removes all inhibitions. Men feel permissiveness especially when their wives are financially dependent on them. Women look for all sorts of excuses for sudden outbursts of anger from a furious husband, blaming everything on alcohol and overexertion at work. Yes, of course, all this can prompt assault, but this still cannot be called the first reason for beating. Wives endure all the beatings, most often because of the fear of losing their husbands; they silently bear the cross of family life.

How to avoid assault

From the very beginning, you need to position yourself in such a way that letting loose in your family is completely impossible. If you are just entering into a family relationship with your loved one, it is worthwhile, for preventative purposes, to tell some story about how one friend was hit by her husband, and she packed her things and left him. And then you can add that this girl did the right thing. And also discuss the topic of assault in the family with your man more often.

Try not to play the role of a victim in the family, it is very important to have self-esteem, self-respect and independence. Then it is unlikely that any man will dare to raise his hand against you. If, nevertheless, your husband raised his hand to you, then you should not listen to all sorts of “sorry”, silently pack your things and leave the house temporarily (live with your parents or girlfriend). After some time, explain to your husband that if this happens again, you will leave his life forever. Be true to your words.

Fatigue

If, in addition to irritation, you experience fatigue, a reluctance to do anything, you have absolutely no time to get yourself in order, and your favorite hobbies no longer bring the same delight, then most likely your problem is overwork. This especially happens to those who do things every day that they don’t like. Also, the reason for this may be an overabundance of responsibilities, you have taken on too much and you do not have enough strength to do all the work. Perhaps the problem is not that your husband annoys you, but that you worry about everything. And his touches, habits that you didn’t even notice before, and other little things that cause irritation in you are only an addition to general stress, and not the root cause of the problem.

How to revive cooled feelings?

In addition to falling in love and passionate relationships, marriage also has negative sides.

To overcome natural difficulties and at the same time gain a positive experience, you need to know some of the features of saving your personal life and restoring relationships in the key of mutual respect:

share your emotions . Memories have been serving humans for many millennia to receive and accumulate knowledge. Sometimes they can be used to gain peace of mind and inspire creative inspiration. Any feeling that is forever remembered as a positive emotion is considered an anchor for the family ship. This could be a first date, a bright kiss or a sudden meeting;
diversity in marriage is the key to family happiness. You should not focus too much attention on cleaning, cooking, washing, and various household details. Any attempt to make life more interesting will come in handy. These are well-known actions: an evening date, gifts, fresh flowers or coffee in bed, trips abroad;
thank each other for who you are, not who you want to be . Man is not an ideal being. Each has its own flaws and shortcomings. Many habits become very annoying already in the second year of life, but you can put up with them too. The main thing is to determine the most important aspects of the relationship so that minor behavioral factors do not affect life together;
figure out why you need each other . As a person grows up, he begins to understand why he changes every day, and what prompted him to do this. Perhaps the reason for the changes was the connection with the partner, but life will judge whether this is good or bad.

A marriage union is a unit of society in which, for the benefit of the cause, one should take care of each other with the help of well-established means of communication.

All by myself

A very scary phenomenon among the female population, such ladies are not able to trust someone to fulfill their duties, because they are sure that no one can do the job better than themselves. This type of thinking causes a woman to take on too much, and the more she has to accomplish, the more irritable she becomes. Especially considering the fact that a man, observing her such zeal and constantly receiving undeserved reproaches in the style of “don’t touch me, I’ll do it myself” or “you’re doing everything wrong,” simply stops his attempts. And this is not surprising - why should he try if instead of gratitude he will still receive a reproach.

Over time, all his initiative dissolves, and he simply will not do anything, even if it is high time to nail a nail or move a sofa, because he knows that nothing good will come of his actions. Over time, the wife notices that her lover no longer takes the initiative and tries to avoid any responsibilities. And it is not surprising that in such a situation she is offended; at this moment the circle is closed and her husband is infuriated. What to do, you ask?

Ask him for help and try not to reproach him, even if, in your opinion, he does everything incorrectly and incorrectly. This is the only way to solve the problem, make concessions and be sure to communicate that you need help, because, in the end, he is not obliged to intuitively understand what exactly you want from him at the moment.

Emotionally unavailable man: what does it mean and why does it happen?

Most men want emotional intimacy, but their behavioral strategies lead them astray.

Being emotionally available is not easy. In a society where mixed messages are constantly being sent, it is not surprising that those who ask men to be emotionally available, and the men themselves who try to achieve this, are confused.

Many men desperately want to communicate openly with friends, loved ones and family. But often they don't have a model of what that looks like or how it can be done.

As a rule, men's emotional availability is different from women's. Both because of social conditioning and because most men experience interpersonal relationships differently than most women.

For most men, being emotionally available isn't just about sharing your emotions. It means being open with the other person and with yourself. It's about where he is emotionally at the moment and whether he stays with that discomfort rather than running from it or declaring there is no problem.

This is not about oversharing or being desperate for it, but about sharing what is relevant to developing this ability. It's about understanding your behavior, such as avoiding true openness and availability. This is at first very uncomfortable, awkward and even foreign to someone who, growing up, did not learn to be emotionally available.

It's worth recognizing that no one can lead you to emotional availability, not even the one you really love. You were born with it, then life happened and you developed coping strategies.

The only person who can make a difference is the person who is currently unavailable. Remember that being available or unavailable has nothing to do with love, it is all about conditioning and choice - to continue to be unavailable or change the situation. This choice may be inspired by love, but it also happens that for some it is too serious a step.

Often hidden behind emotional unavailability is a fear of being rejected, hurt, and not good enough. When we move into a more authentic and accessible space, we feel more emotions and also create deeper, more authentic connections with ourselves and with others.

Signs of emotional unavailability and how to deal with them

Blaming others in relationships

This could be a romantic relationship or just friendship. Those who are not aware of the impact they had on the demise of a friendship or relationship are not truly being open and approachable. Instead, they point fingers at others and avoid themselves.

If you do the same, think about three things you learned in your relationship with this person, and the next time you try to share and be available, talk about YOURSELF.

Relationships begin quickly and passionately

In a romantic relationship, an emotionally unavailable man quickly moves into the sexual phase of the relationship. But not just because he wants sex. Relationships have a natural course of development. People who are emotionally unavailable actually start relationships very quickly. Sometimes this is a good thing because they bypass discomfort and the natural rhythm of intimacy as a way to avoid opening up.

If you do the same, try slowing down and exploring what it's like to walk at the same pace as your partner, rather than at your usual pace. At the end of the day, a relationship is a unique coming together and it deserves a safe space to be reciprocated.

You can't go there

Relationships, romantic or not, require you to "go there" from time to time in order to develop intimacy. “Go there” means talking about hard truths, insecurities, boundaries, “this is not normal for me.” A person who is emotionally unavailable will try to work around it because they feel too insecure, too insecure, too unattractive. They will even call it wrong or limiting because society's stereotypes do not allow men to explore these emotions, let alone show them.

If you do the same, be compassionate with yourself. You are unavailable for a very good reason, it is a safety precaution. To grow into a more approachable person, you need to first “go there” with yourself, you need to get used to seeing uncomfortable things in your behavior, history and experiences. Then, when your body begins to cringe, wanting to escape, simply breathe and stay there for a moment longer. This makes it easier.

Tells the truth but doesn't change

Actions speak louder than words. But every now and then people say, “I’m not good at relationships” or “I’m always losing friends.” Such statements indicate that this person has a pattern of behavior, he is aware of it, but is not trying to change anything.

If you do the same, look at your behavior and think: “It has always been this way, and it will never change.” Then it is better to consult a psychologist. There is a really good reason why you are doing this, but there are other choices you can make. You deserve the connection you want so badly, but are indirectly denying.

Divides people into more and less important

A waiter, a bartender, a friend of a friend who has no connections - when you treat people differently because you consider them less important, then you are definitely unavailable because you are judging rather than living the moment.

If you do the same, start building connections with people you don't know or who don't necessarily benefit you. This will begin to open you up to connection, intimacy and lack of self-interest. Believe me, it’s so nice to communicate with people who don’t have a clear plan of action.

Perfectionist

Perfectionist men are deeply hurt and insecure, and they try to avoid vulnerability and insecurity. This is a very difficult starting point. Because it means that others will never be good enough and you never have to be open. This means you can sit back and judge without ever being on the playing field.

If you do the same, take a break. Perfectionism is a heavy cross. This is something that can only be conquered and overcome through self-compassion. Start getting support from yourself, over time you will find a natural balance. But you must be prepared that everything will not work out right away and that you may experience failure at first. Support yourself through compassion, self-talk and, of course, practice.

Everything is just for me

Men who are focused only on their personal needs, desires and feelings even towards others are unavailable. Yes, it's good to know what you want, feel and need. However, relationships are about matching your wants, feelings and needs with other people. And not about the fact that someone else or you are denying each other’s desires, feelings and needs.

If you do the same, then you should know that you are gradually becoming self-centered in your needs, feelings, desires and plans in relation to the other person. You avoid vulnerability and avoid true connection. It's about getting comfortable with the process of "you for me - I for you" that occurs between two open people, regardless of how it ends. So you may come to the conclusion that some of your plans are not suitable for building connections with other people and adapt it. You can even walk away, but true emotional availability occurs with another person, risking the outcome, rather than remaining solely in your head to reach conclusions alone.

Conflicting connections

If you disappear and easily distance yourself from a relationship in which you spent a lot of time. When you leave without being open and saying, “I’m overwhelmed and I need time to think about all this,” and instead only give half the real reasons, or give some vague and vague explanations, then you are unavailable .

Doing the same is a coping strategy that works when you are overwhelmed with things, feelings, and thoughts. The problem is that it undermines accessibility and connection with others. To be more approachable, instead of walking away, have a dialogue with the person about what's going on with you and what you need at the moment. Regardless of the outcome, you will share and be open.

Even if you implement just one of these new strategies, you will create greater ability to cope with the discomfort of emotional unavailability and begin to move towards a more open and authentic version of yourself.

Website: www.psiblog.rf

Original article: Sile Walsh – What Being Emotionally Unavailable Really Means and Why Men Do It, August 2015

Translation: Ostrenko Anna Alexandrovna

Editor: Simonov Vyacheslav Mikhailovich, Shipilina Elena Ivanovna

Image source: wallhaven.cc

Key words: psychotherapy, emotional unavailability, emotionally unavailable man, relationship psychology, personal growth

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070619 Emotionally unavailable man - what does this mean and why does this happen?

He owes me

Many women are simply convinced that their spouse owes them something, unconditionally and with a 100% guarantee. There are a lot of such convinced ladies in our world. As soon as a girl receives a stamp in her passport, certain responsibilities are automatically assigned to the person. This could be due to a father's behavior towards his mother, the actions of a favorite character in a book or television series, or even a friend telling her how her life has changed since marriage. The main problem with this approach to the situation is that the girl not only places more hopes on her husband, that he should now bring her coffee in bed or love and cuddle with her around the clock, but she also expects this from him unconditionally, forgetting to notify her of her stereotypes and expectations. In this case, the advice of a psychologist is simply necessary.

My husband is annoying, what should I do in this case? First of all, finally realize that your irritation is not due to the fact that he has become worse, but to your unjustified expectations. You should not idealize your man - he is the same person as you. He also has hard days, getting up early for work and other minor troubles. He has his own character, needs, positive and negative sides. In fact, he does not have to behave like your father and the hero of the television series. He is as real as you are, and different events can happen in his life every day. Also, try talking to him, he may not realize that morning coffee will make you much happier and that it is important to you that he takes out the trash before work and not after.

My husband's touch is disgusting.

Ekaterina, hello!

Unfortunately, it is impossible to say clearly and specifically why you have such feelings when your husband touches you. Because family life consists of a thousand little things and reasons for discontent, which are not expressed and are carefully stored inside. And the more dissatisfaction, the more different “side” effects and reactions arise to the husband.

Therefore, in order to deal with one layer of problems, sometimes you need to pick apart and lift other layers. Your aversion to your husband's touch may be a result of:

- your accumulated grievances during this time. Because when you are offended by a person, you don’t want him to touch or even touch. And if there are a lot of grievances and they lie inside as a heavy burden, there may be disgust even at the ordinary touch of the one who caused so much grievance and pain. Resentment is internal tension and the desire to be left alone - that is, not touched.

To relieve internal tension, you need to work through your grievances. The ideal option is to discuss everything with your husband. But without blaming and attacking him. And just talk about how you feel and what you are offended by. Without reproaches, tears, hysterics.

If you are not sure that you will have a constructive conversation with your husband, you can look on the Internet for different ways to get rid of grievances and choose the option that is right for you.

You can sort out each of your grievances yourself. Break it down into small components. Think about whether your husband (such as he is, with all his quirks) could have acted differently? Why did you react the way you did? Why did you expect certain words, actions, deeds from him - is he capable of this? Why did they remain silent and not speak out if they were dissatisfied with something? Knowing what your husband is like, was it really hurtful and painful or did it simply not meet your expectations? And some of your grievances will simply dissolve. And you will react much calmer to your husband.

- disgust may be due to general dissatisfaction with the husband. Because he doesn't support you emotionally. Perhaps there is something you don’t respect him for. Perhaps you simply lack real emotional release and are tired of living in despondency. After all, when communicating with someone, we often tune into each other’s frequency. And in your case, obviously, your husband suppresses you with his pessimism and blues. And you are simply tired of all this.

Therefore, if possible, try to do what brings you joy and fills you. This could be basic things - reading a book, watching a movie, doing handicrafts, walking for 15 minutes after work, standing in the shower for about five minutes further and relaxing. Something that will distract you from your family routine and give you the opportunity to reboot.

“Sometimes I want to be naughty, have some fun, some childishness and lightness” - Katya, you have two children. Be naughty and have fun with them. They will support you. And you too can unwind.

Your husband is who he is. And you won't be able to change it. And it's good that you understand this. It is also important to accept him as he is. No complaints or judgments. It’s not a fact that if he wanted to joke and have fun all the time, you wouldn’t get tired of it either and start to irritate him. And I’m more than sure that he has a lot of positive qualities. Think about this too. After all, when we become fixated on something unpleasant for us, we stop noticing all the good things that exist in our lives.

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Obsession with a man

Many ladies ask a psychologist for advice when their husband annoys them. A specialist will tell you what to do only after fully familiarizing yourself with the problem.

A woman loves this man more than anything in her life, but does not notice that this man has become not just a partner, but the main object of her attention and the only interest in life. Being obsessed with your husband is also not a good tactic for starting a family. Indeed, in addition to the fact that the man, most likely, will not live up to your hopes, and more and more dirty details of his character will emerge under the microscope of your attention, the responsibility that you have placed on him will torment both of you. You will realize that before him there was more interesting in your life, and you will feel that you are wasting your life.

All the potential that you saw before will not develop as quickly as the hero of your favorite series, and over time, instead of the prince, you will face a loser. And it’s not at all surprising that at such a moment your husband annoys you. He, in turn, is also a victim in this situation. Your constant attention puts him in a state of stress, he will constantly worry that he will make a mistake somewhere, and sooner or later this will start to happen. Save yourself and your family, remember that there is another life besides your beloved man. Chat with friends, take up your favorite hobby. Stop focusing your life on him and you will notice that soon he will stop annoying you and your old feelings will return.

Does the man have a child? Watch him before getting into a serious relationship

Therefore, before committing yourself to a very strong relationship, if a man already has a child from a previous relationship, watch him.

Listen to what he says about himself. About children. It is important to observe honestly and make the RIGHT decision for yourself. So that you can have peace of mind in the future. After all, you knew what you were signing up for.

The problem for girls is that they do not underestimate and do not fully imagine the consequences of having a child.

At first, relationships are based on falling in love, passion, kisses, and so on.

Everything is in pink.

And when his children are not with you, but somewhere with their mother, it seems that they do not exist in nature at all.

Girls, they exist!

My husband's child - he is somewhere, but he is!

Moreover, they will exist in your life as long as your relationship with this particular man lasts. Therefore, prepare yourself mentally in advance. So that later it would not be excruciatingly painful for his children who appeared from nowhere in your apartment and life.

Comparison with others

Every woman should understand that you will always have friends whose husband receives more or gives flowers more often. And you don’t need to get hung up on the fact that you missed something. Yes, he may earn more than you, but how much attention does he pay to her? The same as yours? And flowers can be used as an apology for another betrayal or scandal.

Everywhere has both positive and negative sides. When your husband gets angry, what should you do? Psychologist's advice: stop doubting your lover. You are tormented by the question: what would happen if you married someone else? Better think about why you married your husband and what you will lose if he is not around. And you will definitely feel better, you will no longer be enraged by his salary or the fact that you cannot post a new bouquet on Instagram every day, but you watch a movie every evening in an embrace, knowing that he is nearby.

I'm tired of my husband, I want to be alone

Hello dear women! I'm in the same situation too, I'll try to tell you. I met my husband, he was divorced, fell in love a month later, he proposed marriage to me, I happily agreed (although now I understand that, as the psychologist wrote above, we need to find out and understand whether this person is needed and whether we are suitable). From the very first months, he always reproached me for my situation, saying that I came with nothing, and he already had an apartment and a car (although my parents gave me away with a dowry as it should be with us, dishes, linen, a bedroom set, blankets, etc. ). I was 23 and he was 31. Since I loved him, I decided that by any means they would make him love me and I would have a happy family and I wasn’t going to back down a single step, I was stubborn and energetic. I realized that he doesn’t love me only after the wedding. I was everything to him, I helped and supported him in everything, I lived and breathed him. Then our second son was born, and all these years I tried to tie him to the children with me, but it was all like a wall. He is a respected man, everyone considers him just an ideal man and many even envy me. They say the husband provides everything for the children. And all these years he only pushed me away from himself, reproached me for money, for the fact that I came with nothing, that my parents are not rich (although he is not a millionaire), that I came out of a hole, although I graduated from the University and worked in airlines in which there were good privileges and at some point he had difficulties with work and he received less than me and God forbid that I even mentioned it. All the time I am to blame for everything, finding fault with everything: I wiped the glass wrong, washed the floors wrong, didn’t clean it, and all the time calls our house a pigsty, although every other day I completely clean and wash everything, and every day I wash the kitchen and hallway, it was even like that I hired a cleaning company and I started to doubt that my place was dirty, they came and washed everything, he came and said that the walls were dirty and the house was still a mess. And this is only one side of our relationship, he loves women very much and naturally he went out for walks, I did everything that is written in the books, everything that psychologists advised me and everything I didn’t do in bed and no matter how tasty I cooked and no matter how I sharpened my I still have a bad figure that pours over me from head to toe. After four years of marriage, he raised his hand to me the next day on his knees asking for forgiveness, then again and again and each time it hurt more and more, he returned, fell on his knees and begged for what was the first and last time. 10 years passed, he hit me in the face with his fist, I decided to talk peacefully and disperse peacefully, he calmly told me if you do anything, I’ll kill you…. He just says I’ll throw it off the balcony and the children will be orphans. All these years I was afraid of him, I was afraid to say a word, I was afraid to talk to him, I was afraid because I don’t have a word or an opinion, it’s impossible to argue with him, he absolutely can’t hear anything to prove anything. I couldn't reach him. I decided to run. He is a man with great connections and long arms who could kill me or drive me into a mental hospital, whatever he wanted. I went to the police in tears and said that my husband was threatening me, I can’t help me anymore. They sent me and the children to the crisis center. There I finally felt like a person, where I finally slept peacefully and the children were nearby and under the protection of the state. I filed for divorce and realized that I had a delay, it turned out I was pregnant for the third time... Since I really wanted a daughter, I decided not to have an abortion. He searched for me for a month, could not find me, and tortured my relatives. I calmly submitted for the division of property and stroked my belly. But I was very much bothered by the fact that my child had not yet been born and she would no longer have a father, she would not see him, this tormented me very much. Then we finally met, he fell on his knees in front of everyone, begged, roared, swore, swore, asked for the last time to forgive. I told him everything that I couldn’t say for all these 10 years because I was afraid, well, I forgave him, and I was pregnant, I thought maybe God decided so that we wouldn’t part. We are together now, I gave birth to a daughter. He doesn’t raise his hand against me, he earns money, he provides for him, everyone respects him just the same, BUT the hunchbacked grave will correct all the same reproaches and even more hatred towards me, it’s just that now I’m absolutely indifferent to him, I don’t care about him, I just hate him terribly. He sees my indifference to him, this infuriates him even more. We can’t calmly talk to him for more than half an hour; he has eternal problems at work and I have to listen to everything and support him as I have done all these years, I’m tired of it all, I’m not a horse or an iron man. I have wasted myself, I am energetically exhausted, I have an emptiness in my soul. And we have been living like this for almost 2 years. I understand that I can do it without him, I have enough knowledge and skills, but he grabbed onto me like a leech, like a tick. The opinions of others are very important to him and that’s why he doesn’t let me go. I sometimes tell him to find that perfect one, don’t torture yourself, but I don’t say that it’s the same for me because he thinks it’s impossible because everyone only dreams of him. My current position is simply to live for the sake of the children; my daughter is only 10 months old; as soon as she gets stronger, I think I’ll still leave. I can no longer tolerate his tyrannical attitude. I would step on my own throat and continue to pretend to be a wonderful and loving wife, but his relationship with the children cancels out everything. Now we sleep in different bedrooms, he comes home from work, eats (during the meal I have to smile and pretend to listen to him), goes into the bedroom, closes the door, sits on the Internet, watches TV, in general, takes a break from work and family. And at this time we are relaxing, doing homework and playing with our little daughter. That's what my family is like…

First child crisis

Many ladies, having given birth to their first child, notice that their husband is annoying and annoying. What to do in a situation where too much time and effort is spent on the baby and there is no time to be distracted by him? Why can’t he understand that now your life has changed dramatically and you have absolutely no time even for yourself, let alone for him? Everything is very simple, try to calm down and accept the fact that this is just such a period. Firstly, your hormones are still raging, of course, not as much as during pregnancy, but still.

Secondly, you sleep little, eat erratically and have generally forgotten what a normal life means, so it is not surprising that you are annoyed by what you think are your spouse’s childish grievances that you don’t heat up his soup as usual or don’t do other things. things that are familiar to him. Your instincts and the child have completely changed you, but for a man this is a very drastic change, and if rationally he can accept this state of affairs, then psychologically this is real stress for him. Almost all women are annoyed by their husbands at this time; this is completely normal. After all, the child takes all your energy and time, and instead of equal participation, most often the woman receives dissatisfaction from her husband, which only increases the scale of the problem.

What should I do if my husband freaks out on me over little things?

Hello! I am 21 years old, studying by correspondence, living in a legal marriage (almost 2 years) with my husband, who is 2 years older than me, and have a child together (1 year). Lately, quarrels with my husband have become a frequent occurrence and always over nothing, we can’t even spend a day together without quarreling: either because of the shoe sponge I threw away, which has been lying around for a long time, or when he explains something to me about work , but I can’t understand him... I’ll tell you about the latest quarrel that worries me at the moment. In the evening, after he came home from work, I took care of the child, and he watched TV. I asked him to bring some pants from another room and put them on for my son while I was sorting out the potty (sorry for the details), to which he replied that I was going that way anyway, so I could grab them along the way. This outraged me! Even with a request regarding my own son, he is too lazy to help me! I was offended, which he didn’t even notice. When he began to make the bed, he asked me to put down the pillows, I put them down, but not neatly, and lay down myself. He freaked out with obscenities, but I didn’t understand what exactly: the fact that I was lying down or the fact that I touched the cord plugged into the already loose socket. I tried to find out what I did wrong, but all my questions received only insults and obscenities, shouting that I was stupid for not understanding basic things. Naturally, I also did not remain silent and said that he was already annoying me, all the insults were out of nowhere and unfair, which he agreed with, but “the fact remains a fact.” Later it turned out that the whole problem was in the carelessly placed pillows and the fact that I lay down. The next day we didn’t talk and he went to bed on the balcony, where he later indulged himself.

I simply cannot understand him: how affectionate, kind, caring he can be, but how rude and evil he can be. I am always in a state of shock when I hear from him the words “you got me” (and in an even ruder form. It’s hard to hear this and understand that, by saying this, he may not love me anymore.

After the birth of a child, I don’t want sex at all, I read that it’s possible after childbirth, but my husband can’t understand this. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I completely give up on it, it’s just that now we have intimacy much less often than we had before. I Understand. that he missed him, even after one long quarrel he was looking for a girl for the night on the Internet. Of course, I understand that I am largely to blame here, but I don’t allow myself to do this! How can he do something like that when he has a wife and child “under his nose”? Even though I told him that I had forgiven him, I still didn’t I can forget, it hurts me from his such actions. I just understand that this cannot continue for long, and soon one of us will not stand it and will leave, and I really don’t want this, I want to be with him. I'm afraid that he will lose interest in me and find someone else.

Is it possible that all his outbursts of bad emotions are associated with a lack of sex? Or is there another reason? Tell me what to do, what to do?

Thank you in advance!

What should I do if a guy snaps at me over everything? (3 answers)

Solution

To avoid such problems, learn to talk with your spouse and discuss your inner experiences. After all, irritation is the consequences of the accumulation of emotional grievances that you simply swallowed. Even a tea bag that is not thrown into the trash can ultimately become a cause for scandal. But don't act like Charlotte from Sex and the City. She followed her husband and collected bags in silence, accumulating more and more negativity.

Say right away that you are not happy with this, and you would like him to act in a certain way in this situation. But don’t forget to listen to your spouse. After all, there is always a possibility that while you are asking the question “What to do if your husband is annoying?”, you yourself are provoking him to behave this way.

Adviсe

When increased irritability arises, the question arises of what to do, how to behave in such a situation, so as not to mess things up, but also to improve the quality of your life.

It is necessary to recognize the occurrence of excessive irritability in yourself. Sometimes a woman has nothing to do with it at all, she just gets into the man’s mood. You can get rid of this feeling by resorting to Eastern practices, in particular meditation and yoga. Do relaxation and breathing exercises in order to improve your nervous system.
If something specific about your spouse irritates you, for example, the new scent of her perfume, it is better to calmly talk about it and ask to change the perfume.
If a woman is too much in your day, she constantly says something, does not allow you to be calmly alone with your thoughts, then you should not take it out on her, it is best to simply discuss the current situation, ask for time and space for personal space.
If the constant whims of a pregnant lady are annoying, then you need to be patient and realize that the woman is not behaving this way on purpose, she is now under the control of hormones and, by the way, is carrying your common baby, it is much harder for her in this position than for you in your place.
If your spouse’s excessive cleanliness irritates you, then perhaps it’s worth distributing household responsibilities so that some of the tasks fall on your shoulders, and some on hers. Cleaning together will only bring your relationship closer together.
If you realize that you no longer have feelings for the young lady who lives nearby, perhaps love has really passed or you are simply tormented by everyday problems. Therefore, you shouldn’t rush off the handle and immediately think about divorce. It is better if you live separately from each other for some time to check your feelings, are they really there?
If your wife is a careerist or, on the contrary, sits at home and does not want to work, then it is necessary to discuss in a normal environment what does not suit you, you can express your complaints. Sometimes it is worth accepting a woman’s position, her choice. If you cannot come to terms with this, then it is better to end the relationship.
If a jealous attitude towards a child is to blame, then you need to realize that for a woman, motherhood is a special feeling that a man can never comprehend. It is unacceptable to be jealous of your own flesh and blood. If you lack communication with your spouse, then it is better to take care of a family vacation, go somewhere with your children. This will only strengthen your union.
If a woman has bad habits and you are not happy with this, then you should talk to your wife about this problem and ask her to change for the sake of your relationship. But it is worth understanding that it will be very difficult for a woman to get rid of smoking or alcohol abuse.
If your spouse treats your inner circle with disrespect, then you should tell her that this upsets you, that such an attitude is unpleasant for you. You can also ask her to put herself in your place. She would be pleased if you treated her relatives in a similar way.
If a woman has stopped taking care of herself, you need to carefully hint to her that you would like to see her neat, with her hair styled, that it upsets you that your spouse treats herself so carelessly, because this also indicates a lack of self-love.

It is important to understand that when a wife is annoying, it is not necessarily her fault. Remember that, first of all, you need to understand yourself, your feelings, which is why your spouse suddenly began to enrage you, what preceded this. It is worth trying to save your family. If it’s all because of disappeared feelings, then it’s better to talk about it with your spouse and not torment either yourself or her.

Actions

In fact, in such a situation there are three ways: restore the connection, break it, or do nothing. Moreover, the last option is the worst, since everything will only get worse. If you want to solve the problem, then try this. But if you are confident that you have done everything in your power, and the situation is only getting worse, then you should seriously think about divorce. In any case, it's up to you to decide what to do next. But if you decide to try to fix everything, then there are some tips from a psychologist. What to do if your husband is annoying?

Short answer:

Many families face this problem. The wife becomes more aggressive towards her husband, even if the husband's behavior has not changed at all. During this period, the wife begins to worry about her husband’s love for her, and also worries about the preservation of the marriage as a whole. In fact, showing aggression or anger towards a spouse does not mean that the wife does not love him. There are quite a few reasons for such manifestations on the part of a lady. It is necessary to carefully understand the reason and try to solve it together. If you are interested in saving your marriage.

Advice one. Change yourself

Leave your spouse alone, we cannot change another person, we just need to work on ourselves. Concentrate on yourself, tidy up your appearance and wardrobe, chat with friends, do what you love. If nothing comes to mind, try to find new activities and hobbies. Each representative of the fair sex is in some way a creative and creative person. And self-expression not only fills us with strength and inspiration, but also allows us to look at complex problems from a new angle. It also helps improve self-esteem. Try this option, and who knows, maybe the situation in your life will change dramatically and what used to irritate you about your lover will no longer be important.

Tip four. Give thanks

Don't forget to thank your man for what he does. After all, you want to be rewarded for a deliciously prepared dinner or a cleanly tidied house? Without receiving gratitude, you simply lose the desire to do anything. Perhaps the same thing happened to your spouse.

If you can understand what the reason is, then you will find the answer to the question of what to do. “I’m tired of my husband”, “it’s just annoying” - these are the words of many women, but in most cases they themselves are to blame. And any psychologist, unless, of course, we are talking about serious problems such as alcoholism or violence, will advise you to first look for the reason in yourself.

“Give me a break from you.” What infuriates men about their exes, and this was the reason for the breakup

We decided to interview men, finding out from them the reasons for breaking up with the women they once loved. Something that was incredibly annoying and it was simply impossible to put up with it. Here are the nine most common mistakes.

1 – Passionately wanted to get married

Men admit that girls who passionately want to get married immediately go into the category of exes. Why? The relationship is developing smoothly, everything seems to be easy and pleasant, and then the girl suddenly starts babbling that she wants to move to a different status. There is some tension and great responsibility placed on the man. And he is not quite ready for this yet. Some mystery disappears in the woman, it seems that all that lies ahead is a boring family life and oops, the man disappears. And the girl wonders what happened, because it was so good. Until she wanted to go to the registry office.

2 – Talks only about himself

She is a goddess and a beauty queen, she has no time to be interested in her partner. Every meeting is talk only about her, her beloved. Lots of ridiculous bragging or unnecessary drama. It’s even worse when it’s chatter about some girlfriends and their acquaintances. The man becomes a sexless listener who cannot get a word in edgewise. They don’t ask him how he’s doing and how his day went, they’re not interested in his life and what’s happening. At first, the man endures and hopes that the girl will finally speak out and pay attention to him. But after some time it becomes obvious that, as soon as she asks “how are you?”, she immediately continues talking about herself again and this will never end. One of the respondents honestly shared his story. He liked the girl, but on every date she did nothing but talk incessantly about herself, completely ignoring her man. One day he just got bored with it. Relationships still require mutual interest. Otherwise, good bye.

3 – Too intrusive

Here’s a quote from one of the respondents: “A man needs, critically needs, his own personal comfort zone. Give him a break from you, please.” It doesn’t matter what relaxes him - fishing/hunting/drinking/garage/computer games/active tourism - let him relax.

This is his time. He will have time to “lie down with you, sit with you, talk with you, take a walk with the child, see what happened to the refrigerator.” He will have time. If there is no threat to life and health, let the man have time for his personal affairs. Many women do not give a man the opportunity to breathe, all demanding inclusion and attention, controlling his every move, be it meeting with friends or spending time online. This attitude kills the desire to be together, which is why many girls quickly become exes.

4 – All I needed was money

This is a story about how a girl, almost from their first dates, carefully pressed the man to always pay for her. Either she forgot her wallet, or she didn’t have the required amount, or she hinted at expensive gifts. Some men admitted that it is slightly alarming when a girl drags him to the store, filling a full basket of groceries, and then discovers that the card is left in another purse. And it seems like you don’t mind paying, but it’s starting to seem like she’s dating you for the money. Few people had the desire to check whether this was really so, and such calculating girls were quickly told “goodbye.”

5 – Complete lack of self-criticism

One of the respondents shared a story. He and his girlfriend had a date and he really liked her. And she's pretty, not stupid. When he went to accompany the girl to her car in the parking lot, he saw that she had parked her car in a space for disabled people. And here’s the rub, the girl didn’t even make excuses, she didn’t understand at all what the problem actually was.

Men said that one of the worst qualities in women’s character is the lack of self-criticism and unwillingness to develop. There is only one position: I am always right, and such is what it is and everything in the same spirit. With such a person, they admitted, it would hardly be interesting, because the ability to sometimes realize that you are not an angel either is very helpful in life.

That date, by the way, was the last. The hero of this story said that he is not ready to be with someone who does not care about others except himself.

6 – Very boring woman

You date a girl or live together and at some point you realize that you know what your life will be like in the future. What dishes will you eat for dinner, what will you do on the weekend, what movies to watch and places to visit, and more often - this is home, TV, business. As a rule, men say that all these boring women are incredibly sweet and good, understandable and terribly convenient in everyday life. But these relationships become routine. It’s too prosaic, but I want spontaneity, movement, slight unpredictability. One of the respondents admitted that in order to dispel the melancholy of such a family life, he began dating his mistress. And then he divorced altogether, realizing that his wife would never change, and he wanted more.

7 – Pointless jealousy of exes

Another reason for separation is the merciless jealousy of women towards their exes. It doesn’t matter whether there were wives or just girls, but some ladies are haunted by the fact that her prince loved someone else before her. This brainwashing is repeated systematically with restless control over all exes and over your loved one, in order to make sure that the man has long cooled down on past passions. A man gets tired of excuses. And so the jealous girl also becomes a thing of the past.

8 – Flirts with other men

“No matter what company we were in, she always made eyes at other men.” – shared one friend. Another admitted that yes, the urge to flirt is very tiring. The man begins to feel like he is not the most important person in her life and worries that the girl is simply looking through her options. And even if this flirting is innocent and just part of the lady’s nature, men prefer that all the attention of the woman they love is directed to them. An obvious point, but we wrote it down just in case.

9 – Ex keeps following

This is the case when the relationship ended long ago, but the ex does not let up and continues to obsessively monitor her ex-boyfriend. Moreover, they impose a certain guilt complex - they say, you left me, and I continue to worry about you. Ladies do this in different ways: some write SMS, some write messages on social networks, sad comments and everything in the same spirit. The guys honestly say that you shouldn’t do this, this behavior is very annoying. Leaving go.