What does a quick declaration of love lead to?
A quick declaration of love can give positive results only when the dynamics of relationship development are the same for both partners. Otherwise, premature recognition may lead to the following:
- The one to whom they confess their love is forced to feel obligated and guilty , since he cannot reciprocate his feelings. This is how a person comes under the pressure of other people's emotions. After all, he understands that a reciprocal recognition is expected from him and is tormented by the need to respond positively to it.
- A person whose relationship dynamics are slower can plunge into deep introspection, more like soul-searching. He begins to think that maybe there is something wrong with him. After all, his partner has already decided on his feelings.
- A partner who quickly declares his love forcibly accelerates the dynamics of the other. He motivates him to confess in response and thereby lie. As a result, the one to whom they confessed also confesses their love, although they do not experience it at all. He was just tired of feeling guilty and ungrateful.
The partner may be forced
Any relationship that is based on deception or guilt cannot be called sincere. And sooner or later they will fail.
If the feeling is not mutual
But if you don't feel the same way, don't lie, avoid answering, or otherwise confuse the person you're in love with. There are many ways to respond to “I love you” without feeling the same. Do this carefully and gently.
Tell the truth. There is no need to invent pompous words; it is enough to simply and clearly answer: “Unfortunately, I do not have such feelings for you, I am very sorry.” If you like another person, let them know by saying, “I love someone else, I'm sorry.” This way you will put all the dots in the relationship, will not leave the person in limbo and will not spoil the impression of yourself.
Keep silent. This tactic should be used as a last resort if you don’t know how to respond to a declaration of love. Complete silence will create a tense atmosphere, so it will be better if you can move the conversation to another topic. Be silent for a few seconds, letting them know you heard the question, and then say something else.
Why are we afraid of a quick declaration of love?
The fact is that each person has his own dynamics in the development of relationships and his own ideas about when he should declare his love. And what for one is a completely natural and natural expression of feelings, for another is too quick and unexpected.
Let's list the most common reasons why people are afraid of a quick declaration of love:
- One of the partners does not intend to enter into a serious relationship. He is completely satisfied with a shallow connection that involves only sex and pleasant communication. In this case, a quick declaration of love frightens the person, because it was not his intention to offend the other. And he does not at all want to take responsibility for the disappointment and emotional wounds of his partner.
- The one to whom they confess their love does not believe in the seriousness of the words. He absolutely rightfully believes that it is impossible to get to know a person well and love him in a short period of time. It must be said that most people do not believe quick declarations of love on an intuitive level. They understand that the person who opens his feelings is driven by the euphoria of the initial stage of the relationship. He's just very passionate and excited. But this is not love at all. Of course, there are exceptions. However, as a rule, this happens in some extreme circumstances that can fully reveal the essence of a person.
Euphoria from love
- The partner is not psychologically ready for love. He entered into a new relationship without completely freeing himself from the previous one. Perhaps the person just recently experienced a breakup with his loved one and still hopes to make peace with him. In fact, such a person is not frightened by a quick declaration of love, but by the need to make some decisions and move on.
What should you not do in response to “I love you”?
Don't offer to remain friends. Such a simple phrase puts a person in an uncomfortable position - they have rejected him, but they do not push him away, they give him hope to be close. But it is difficult to be a friend to a loved one, and such people will not make good friends.
Don't make fun of the other person's feelings. It was not easy to say these three words, so humor is inappropriate here. It takes great skill and tact to turn such a sensitive topic into a joke. If you don't feel like you have such abilities, it's better not to try.
Don't tell your friends about the confession. If you didn't reciprocate, it's better to pretend it didn't happen. It’s not easy for a person to cope with your refusal, and if everyone gossips and laughs at him, it will be very unpleasant.
If you can't sort out your feelings, ask for time to think. “It’s very nice, but so unexpected. Give me time to figure myself out." After that, understand yourself, understand what you feel and respond. Do not delay the conversation so as not to torment the person in love.
The man should be the first to confess his feelings. The reason for this is not chauvinism or loyalty to tradition, but the psychological characteristics of women. At the beginning of a relationship, a woman may either be unaware of her feelings or not ready to admit them even to herself. If there is awareness, but there is no confidence in reciprocity, this is a lot of stress for a woman. Therefore, the initiative must come from a man. This relieves the girl of tension and she, as it were, allows herself to feel sympathy.
A declaration of love should not be made abruptly and unexpectedly; this must be done in several stages. At the same time, the girl will psychologically prepare for such news and will not be confused.
At first, you can use compliments, but you also need to choose the right time for them, so that the woman’s reaction is positive.
How do you know when the right moment for confession has come? Feelings will tell you the right answer. But one can be called upon in love and in any feelings in general only if they are sincere.
But still, confession on the second day of dating will most likely scare away the woman, and she will decide that the man is an easily carried away talker. Even if love arose at first sight, it is not advisable to admit it right away.
To prepare a woman, tell her that you miss her and that you are interested in communicating with her. You can confess your love when it is clear that the girl is happy to see you, and when the relationship pleases both.
Sometimes, in response to a man’s confession, a woman says the same thing, but sometimes she cannot do this due to her temperament or upbringing. If, instead of “I love you,” she answers “I am pleased to be with you” or something similar, it’s okay. You need to go back a few steps and try again later, next time the reaction will most likely be different.
Video on the topic
The main reason that people are in no hurry to confess their love, especially when they are not sure of their feelings in return, is the fear that the object of their adoration may laugh at the confession.
We are afraid that a failed attempt will “destroy” us. The cause of fears, as a rule, goes back to childhood or adolescence, when people are more relaxed in communication and share their emotions more freely. However, this also makes them the most vulnerable. The teenager trusted someone, but they did not understand him, or, even worse, they shut him out, thus causing psychological trauma. This bitter experience is carried over, alas, into adulthood. People are becoming much more careful in expressing emotions. Most of us prefer not to talk about our feelings, but to keep them to ourselves,” psychologist Polina Bochkareva explains the situation.
Also, if we are talking about men, then their low emotionality may be associated with upbringing. Boys are most often told: “Don’t cry,” “Don’t complain,” “Be patient.” Representatives of the stronger sex are taught to suppress emotions from childhood. Many learn the lesson so well that in the future they begin to be reproached for insensitivity.
How to react?
Naturally, the person who opens his soul to us hopes for your reciprocal feeling. How to properly respond to a love confession? Especially if the person is not likable?
You need to answer in such a way as not to hurt the person, because at the moment he is in an extremely vulnerable situation.
Try to behave calmly - after all, the intensity of feelings will still be present.
And in any case, you must make sure that the person is not offended by your reaction.
What adds piquancy to such a situation is the fact that etiquette does not allow one to remain silent in this situation.
A person reveals his feelings to you - and your silence will be, at least, tactless.
It can become painful for a person - after all, there is nothing worse than the unknown. What to do in response to a romantic confession?
What to do if a guy confesses his love to you? Tips in the video:
