How to leave a job you don't like: advice from a psychologist. A job you don't like is dangerous to your health

October 17, 2019
Psychology of Personality
Michael Michaelis

Psychologists have long found out that a person who does something he doesn’t like experiences much less happiness in life than one who develops his talents. But not everyone is lucky with their profession. Thinking about how to leave a job you don't like? Then you've come to the right place! Indeed, in our article you will immediately find 10 tips from professional psychologists that will help you understand that you need to find a profession that will bring you happiness and joy.

Why is it so important to work and have fun?

Firstly, a job you don’t like is dangerous to your health. Scientists have long found out that activities that do not bring pleasure to a person gradually kill him. Statistics show that the most common diseases caused by unloved work are heart attack and stroke. The thing is that our mood directly affects our health. Is it worth enduring a job you don’t like, sacrificing your body?

Secondly, for humanity a long time ago everything related to the satisfaction of material needs came to the fore. Even family, friendship and love took second place. For many, it is much more important to build a career, buy a house, a car, start a business, and so on. However, only those people who truly love what they do achieve great heights in their professional field.

Thirdly, a business that brings not only material profit, but also pleasure, significantly improves family relationships. Just look at the statistics. Most divorces are related in one way or another to financial status or work. If problems arise in the professional sphere, then people close to us inevitably suffer from this, simply becoming “extreme”. However, in a job he loves, a person always perceives all difficulties with his head held high and does not get nervous about the little things.

Answer three important questions

So, in order not to be afraid to leave a job you don’t like, you will need to follow the recommendations left by professional psychologists. The first of these is to answer the following questions:

“Am I ready to work my whole life at a job that I hate with all my heart?”
“How much patience will my family have if I constantly break down?”
“How long can my body withstand the stress that is killing me?”

The most important thing is to try to answer all these questions as honestly as possible. After all, if you admit that a job you don’t like only causes you problems, then you will have great motivation to quit it.

No one argues that parting with a place that is already “habitable” can be extremely difficult. After all, we are all afraid of the unknown: “What if I fail to find a new job or it will be even worse than the previous one?” If you are asking this question, then just remember the saying that says that the person who does not take risks will never be able to drink champagne. So don't be afraid to do things that scare you. As a rule, they are correct.

There is often a tense atmosphere in work teams, since many people with different characters and temperaments gather in one place. Relationships between colleagues are especially difficult in women's teams. You can fall out of favor for any reason; it’s enough just to displease someone or cause envy. How to behave correctly in a team where you are not liked in order to keep your nervous system in order?

Don't escalate the situation

If people are negative, treat your colleagues with a lot of tolerance, realize that each of them has the right to be themselves. Don't take negative behavior towards you personally. You don't know a person's motives, what makes him behave this way. Unhappy people engage in bullying, even if outwardly they seem successful. Most likely, you have something that they don't have, which causes a wave of envy. Understand that bullying primarily reflects the inner world of ill-wishers and it should have nothing to do with you. Once you deeply feel all of the above, it will be much easier for you to endure the bullying and nagging of your colleagues.

Find out who the leader is

Most often, any team has a leader who can lead a policy of unfriendly attitude towards you and be guilty of ignoring you in the team. Take a closer look at your colleagues. Maybe everyone is being provoked by an employee with whom you recently quarreled. Try to find a common language with him and settle the quarrel. Talk openly with the leader, apologize for the offense caused and conclude a peace treaty. If a confidential conversation does not help, resort to a tough conversation.

Find like-minded people

You may not be the only one being persecuted. Find like-minded people who also steadfastly endure attacks and nagging from other, stronger employees, and unite. If you manage to find a couple of people, it is unlikely that you will be able to create a coalition against the rest of your colleagues, but the psychological situation at work will improve significantly, since now you will have someone to talk to freely. You can spend time together during lunch and even make friends outside of work. This will strengthen your connection with someone who can come to your defense if necessary.

Be friendly

Even if the team is hostile and doesn’t like you, try to respond kindly in order to survive. You should not take any retaliatory action and place buttons on the chair, as in school time. Be extremely polite and tactful, come to work in a good mood and show a desire to cooperate on work matters. Often aggressive people lose their strength if, in response to their negativity, positivity and goodness “flies” to them. This does not mean that you should completely ignore bad attitudes from colleagues. Talk openly about how much this upsets you. In your free time from work, be sure to communicate with your friends to restore self-esteem and avoid loneliness associated with bad thoughts and reluctance to go to work.

Do the job perfectly

You need to work even better than before, try to completely eliminate mistakes. Ill-wishers will carefully monitor you, any mistake will be urgently discussed among colleagues, swelling to an incredible scale. All errors will be urgently reported to superiors, which will bring great pleasure to the team. For this reason, one should not be distracted from work for the sake of internal wars in the team. Don't devote too much time or attention to this. Let your ill-wishers get carried away with war and make mistakes in their duties.

Talk to your boss

Every highly professional leader understands that any wars within the team greatly interfere with productive work. Report the entire current situation to your superiors if your colleagues begin to cross permitted boundaries. Most likely, the manager will intervene and put in place all the ill-wishers who are rocking the collective “boat” and interfering with the work process. You always need to look white and fluffy in front of your superiors.

Join the team

Try to join the new team, participate in all social events, do not break away from society and oppose yourself to it. If colleagues decide to order pizza for lunch, be sure to agree and pay into the common pot. If you constantly refuse common initiatives, your colleagues will start to look askance, believing that you are putting yourself above the rest. You should not stay at work until night every day, because employees will think that you are currying favor with your superiors. As you know, ordinary workers are not too fond of “upstarts” who wish to achieve a high position.

In any case, everything that happens must be treated calmly. At work, you work to earn money. There is absolutely no need to make friends there. You always have a choice, thanks to which you can change your workplace, where unbearable working conditions are created.

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Try to expand your range of interests

“I’m afraid to quit because I’m not sure that I can find a worthy calling” is a very common expression among those people who have been doing work for decades that brings them only discomfort. However, such thinking is most often explained by the fact that a person is simply not confident in his abilities. There can be a huge number of reasons for this, but the most common of them is the lack of desire to develop in other areas.

To change your profession to one that really suits your taste, you will have to start expanding your range of interests. To do this, you need to try yourself every day in a wide variety of activities that may be outside your comfort zone. However, if you are interested in everything you can, sooner or later you will be able to say: “I found myself.” It is quite possible that your favorite activity has been right under your nose all this time.

Many will say that a passion or hobby cannot generate income - this is not entirely true. Even if you just like to draw, sooner or later you can start making good money from it. There are a large number of possibilities for this: creating illustrations for various sites on the Internet, accepting orders for portraits, opening your own training channel, etc. The most important thing is to find something that suits you, expanding your range of interests. And money is a gainful thing.

What to do

If you are making too much noise, then it’s time to remember that you are not in your own office or at home. Think about the rest of your employees.
If you are used to constantly interfering in something, putting in your two cents, imposing your point of view on others, then it’s time to understand that such behavior is unacceptable. Every person has the right to speak out, and it’s time for you to understand that a person cannot always be right.
If you use too much perfume, causing all your colleagues to literally choke, it's time to start limiting yourself. If you don't use antiperspirant, start doing so. Keep your breath fresh, don’t forget that you are in a group of people.
If you are used to not watching your language, constantly chattering about everything, it’s time to grab your head and understand that such behavior is abnormal. There is no need to disclose information that you heard from someone, especially in confidence.
If you have been repeatedly hinted at being sloppy, then it’s time to learn how to clean up after yourself. There is no need to assume that the cleaning lady should look after you personally.
It is important to learn teamwork. If you want to build a career, you must understand that cooperation with the team will allow you to move up the career ladder more successfully. Maintain communication with employees, rest often, and do not overwork.
It is categorically unacceptable to grovel before your superiors, to try to please them with the goal of being favored. You must realize that your colleagues will not like such behavior, and your boss will be upset.
If you have been pointed out more than once as being unceremonious, it’s time to think about how you behave and start taking other people into account and not respecting their personal space.
If you begin to notice that too many negative thoughts are increasingly appearing in your head and you endlessly reproduce them in a team, then it’s time to understand that unhappy people do not inspire trust and desire to communicate. It's time to change your outlook on life, if necessary, consult a psychologist. You need to be a friendly person with an optimistic attitude.
Look at yourself in the mirror; you may not look perfect when you go to work. Take care of your appearance. Make sure you have clean clothes, washed hair, well-groomed nails, and proper makeup.
Look at yourself from the outside, perhaps you talk too much, and not always to the point, you tell your colleagues something that does not interest them. If this is really the case, it’s time to start controlling yourself and filtering the information you want to give out.
If you are one of the best employees in the company and regularly hear praise from your superiors, then you must understand that hatred is born in the hearts of your colleagues. In such a situation, it is necessary, firstly, to help other employees. Let them see that you are noble, and over time they will begin to respect you. The main thing is to try not to show off your talents, let them be noticeable only to the boss. In a team, show your communication skills better and be friendly to everyone.
Think about it, maybe they are just jealous of you. It is possible that you talked too often about your successes, about how happy you are in your marriage, what wonderful children you have. In such cases, it is better not to talk about it.

Your favorite thing is not as far away as you think

Now you know well what a job you don’t like leads to. But to give you more motivation to stop wasting your time, try to find an alternative to it as soon as possible. Be sure that you don’t have to go too far in your search, because statistics show that in most cases people manage to find themselves in the field that has been close to them all along.

It is quite possible that you have a real talent for photography or delicious cooking. What's the point of sitting in an office chair if you can start making money on something that brings you pleasure? Stop looking for something out of the ordinary or waiting for the opportunity to get your dream job. If you have talent, just make sure they hear about it.

However, not only talented individuals are able to find something to do that they like. After all, good workers are needed in almost every field. Even if you just like to travel, you can get a job as a tour guide and get paid to tell the history of the pyramids or temples to tourists. Just try to open your eyes wider to this world, and then a lot of opportunities will open up before you.

How to cope

If you are convinced that you really are not liked at work, you have three options:

Accept and continue to live in a hostile environment, but this is fraught with constant psychological discomfort, which can result in real depression. Therefore, if you are ready to put up with dislike at work, then at least at home try to be around people who love you - family and friends, and also pets.
Quit and don't look back - in some cases, especially if you don't particularly value your place in the company, quitting may be the best option.
Solve problems with colleagues. This path is not the easiest, so they start with themselves. Find out what was the main reason for your colleagues’ dislike and fight it, if possible. Find the ringleader (every team has an informal leader) and talk to him. Make friends with like-minded people: perhaps the cold glances of your colleagues are intended not only for you, but also for one or two “lucky” people, find them and become friends.

We also advise you to take a closer look at the situation. It may turn out that you really just feel like you are not loved. But in reality, everything is not so bad, and you just don’t notice how much you are appreciated.

Realize the importance of your time

You may spend years debating whether to endure a job you don’t like. However, time is the most valuable resource that every person has. Even if you are immensely rich, you will not be able to stop the hands of the clock. Therefore, you must realize that you can’t hesitate any longer! You have already spent several months or even years doing something that brought you virtually no benefit.

To learn how to save your time, you can use a very useful method - keep a diary. A written goal has much more power than one kept in your head. Just make a note in your notebook that you will hand in your resignation tomorrow and start looking for a new job the day after. If you rationally manage the time that is given to you, you will be able to find your favorite activity much faster and achieve great success.

Follow your dream

In order not to be afraid to leave a job you love, you need to start experiencing a different fear. Fear that you will never be able to achieve your cherished dreams in this life. If you dream of running a business, is it worth spending your precious time working as a security guard? You can justify yourself as much as you like by saying that this activity is temporary so that you have the means to subsist. However, the more you do this, the further your dream slips away from you.

Sometimes, to accomplish an important act, it is enough to realize that there is nothing more important than the goal that you have been following for many years. It may seem unattainable now, but your dream can motivate you to achieve great heights that most people are afraid to even think about. Let the first step on the path to success be breaking the shackles that were hung on you by your old job. One day this day will be the beginning of the path that led you to your cherished dream.

Learn to fight your fear

Why do people work in jobs they don't like? Do you think the reason lies in high wages or relationships with colleagues? No matter how it is! They are simply afraid to take a step towards the unknown. Well, or they are afraid to start changing their life for the better, because problems and discomfort have become something commonplace. Such people are simply accustomed to constantly presenting themselves as victims, blaming their superiors and the entire world around them. However, this behavior is typical only of those who are afraid.

One specialist in the field of building career strategies (Elena Rezanova) once said that the phrase: “At least some kind of stability” is very similar to what the wives of alcoholic husbands tell themselves: “At least some kind of family.” In fact, such women are simply afraid of being completely alone. However, if you apply some diligence, you can find a new husband and a job that will bring you a stable income and happiness.

Yes, risk is scary. However, it is thanks to him that people often manage to find the path in life that leads them to happiness. Therefore, try to discard all thoughts of danger and uncertainty and begin to solve problems as they arise. Even if something goes wrong, haven’t you had worse situations in your life? But you were able to get out of all the problems, weren’t you? Failures may or may not happen. However, if you stay in a job you don’t like, you won’t be able to see happiness - you can be sure.

How to decide to leave a job you don’t like and realize yourself

So, before you decide to leave your unloved job and realize yourself, you need to seriously prepare for this step. However, even when a person is mentally and financially ready to leave, it can be very difficult to write a letter of resignation and put an end to it. This happens for the following reasons:

Loss of stability. Any job, even one you don’t like, gives you a feeling of stability. A person clearly knows what he will do tomorrow or in a month. When you quit, confidence in the future disappears. Nobody knows what will happen after leaving work;
Fear of judgment from others. Many people depend on public opinion. It is logical that not all relatives and acquaintances will support your leaving work. There will definitely be those who will say that by quitting you made a mistake;
Fear of possible difficulties and failures. Those who leave an unloved job for nowhere are afraid that they will have difficulties finding employment. If a person has already found a new job, he fears that he may not be able to cope with the new responsibilities;
Perception of changing jobs as a betrayal. Many people, especially those who have worked in one place for many years, perceive dismissal as a betrayal. They feel guilty before the boss, who has met them halfway many times, or one of the colleagues who once got them a job;
Habit. Most people, although they want to leave a job they don’t like, are very accustomed to it. Some will miss their colleagues, some will miss their cozy office, some will miss fun corporate events. It very rarely happens that you don’t like everything at work.

When thinking about how to decide to leave a job you don’t like and realize yourself, it’s worth remembering that it’s just a job, and almost everyone changes it more than once during their life. Most people in old age regret what they didn't do in their lives, not their mistakes. So even if something goes wrong, you will know that at least you tried.

It is also important to remember that there are no irreplaceable employees. After you leave, a new person will definitely come, and after some time you and your merits will simply be forgotten. In the same way, you will get used to a new company or a new position. At the same time, you will eliminate all negativity from your life and feel much happier.

Before you leave a job you don’t like and realize yourself, it’s important to understand the reasons why you don’t like the job. Next, you need to adequately assess the possibility of quitting immediately and, if it does not exist at the moment, carefully prepare and plan your departure from work. Work that is not enjoyable has a negative impact on health and worsens the quality of life. Therefore, it is necessary to change it, even if it is not so easy to decide.

Author: Olga Vasilyeva. Photo: Instagram, StarTikTok, YouTube. If you are the author of one of the photos and do not agree with its publication, contact the administration and we will correct the error.

Learn to perceive problems adequately

The basis of neurosis at work in an unloved place is that a person perceives even the slightest problems with hostility. Although, if you think about it, what’s so catastrophic about the fact that your boss asked you to take a safety exam that you should have passed a month ago? Why perceive a 2-3 day delay in wages as a problem on a universal scale?

It is precisely because most people simply cannot react normally to negative things that they have problems with their nerves, and then with their work. But who will benefit from this condition? Therefore, learn to perceive problems calmly, without negative emotions. Most often, a given situation has a simple solution that you just need to make. But people prefer to stress instead, focusing on their family or their own health.

If you learn to perceive negative situations adequately, then you will never have problems changing jobs if necessary. After all, you will know well that even failures can be solved in a short time in a very simple way. The most important thing is to stop thinking critically and start solving problems instead of discussing them. This skill will allow you to quit your job now.

Why don't people like hardworking and unselfish colleagues?

Yes, yes, you understood everything correctly - they simply cannot be tolerated. Four studies conducted by a social psychologist at Washington State University found that unselfish, helpful workers were also the least popular among their coworkers.

«It's not hard to find examples of this in real life, but this is the first time we've shown how it happens and explained why it is so,” said Craig Perks, lead author of the paper “The desire to exclude unselfish members from a group,” which appears in the current issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

This phenomenon occurs not only in the workplace, but also in volunteer and non-profit organizations, military formations, etc.

Perks found that unselfish co-workers cause resentment because they “raise the bar” on overall expectations of all employees. As a result, in comparison with such a person, other employees will look pale.

According to Perk, the fact that the overall well-being of the group will improve if a non-selfish person takes on the task is not taken into account by people.

“Objectively good is perceived as subjectively bad,” he said.

Such benefactors are also seen as deviations from the norm. You can compare this to a player in the board game Monopoly who constantly gives money to another player to keep him in the game, which puts the other players at a disadvantage.

The study involved undergraduate psychology students. They were given chips that they could either donate to the team or exchange for food vouchers. Participants were told that the more chips given to a team, the greater the chance that the team would receive a cash reward.

In reality, the team was a fake. Four people were actors who made more or less informed decisions, giving a couple of chips in favor of the team. But one of the actors made an extreme decision - either keeping all the chips for himself, or selflessly giving all the chips to the team.

Most of the subjects later stated that they would not like to work with a greedy person—a predictable result that had been confirmed in previous experiments.

But most of the volunteers also said that they did not want to work with an unselfish person. Often they said that “this person makes me look bad” or that he was breaking the rules. At times, they suspected this man of double play and insincerity.

Perks said he would now like to find out how do-gooders react to such treatment. He stated that while some of them may indeed be insincere in their actions, most of them are probably working for the good of the organization .

globalscience.ru, photo from adme.ru

27/08/2010

Imagine what will happen to you in 10 years

What to do with a job you don’t like that literally won’t let you go for some reason? Quitting will require a huge source of motivation. You can get it from realizing what will happen to your life in 10 years if you continue to do the same thing you are doing now. Believe me, it is unlikely that anything will change for the better. Most likely, you will have to spend this entire period doing the same useless thing, receiving a tiny salary and ruining your nerves.

Now imagine exactly how your life will change if you start doing something you’ve always dreamed of? For many people, half the time was enough to build a huge business empire with only pennies in their hands. Believe me, you deserve a better life too. You just need to start acting, stopping putting off an important decision until tomorrow. In 10 years, you will thank fate for the fact that one day you were able to find the strength within yourself and leave that job that was dragging you down.

How to prepare to leave a job you don't like

If for one reason or another it is impossible to leave your unloved job right away, you need to prepare for this. The time may require from a couple of months to several years, it all depends on the level of qualifications, the demand for you as a specialist, the situation on the labor market and many other factors.

If you love what you do, but you are not satisfied with a specific place of work, the procedure is as follows:

Prepare a competent resume and send it to companies of interest;
Ask all your friends and acquaintances if any of them need an employee of your profile;
Save money for the first time. If you are afraid of losing stability, create a so-called safety cushion for yourself. Expect that the saved money will be enough for at least 2-3 months;
Sometimes it's worth taking a little time off before looking for a new job. An exhausted and tired employee is unlikely to make a good impression on a potential employer;
If you suffered a serious blow to your self-esteem at your old job, you should take care to raise it. You can read about how to do this here;
Try to make the most of the time spent at your least favorite job. With every free minute, learn something new and improve in your profession.

If there is an urgent need for money and there is no help from loved ones, you can calmly leave an unloved job only by finding a new one, or by saving a sufficient amount of money for the first time.

It happens that a person is not satisfied with the activity in which he is engaged. In this case, it may take more time, since preparing to leave an unloved job under such circumstances is much more difficult.

Think about your loved ones

Many people prefer to get used to a job they don’t like instead of starting a business that will provide them with a decent future. And it would be okay if we were talking about one person. However, in most cases, loved ones also suffer from refusal to make the right decision. After all, it’s unlikely that a job you don’t like will bring in a lot of money. It is unlikely that a person who wholeheartedly hates the business he is engaged in will have nerves of steel so as not to lash out at his significant other or children over trifles.

Understand that your loved ones deserve a much better future than they have now. If it were not for your unloved job, you would be able to dress your wife in beautiful dresses and buy her expensive cosmetics. Children wouldn't have to wear each other's clothes, and they wouldn't have to wait for a holiday to eat candy or get their favorite toy. And even more so, none of your loved ones deserve to be blamed. Therefore, stop tolerating what brings only problems into your life - your family deserves love and respect.

Just do it!

"Just do it!" - a phrase that could inspire millions of people to commit the most courageous acts. It is translated from English like this: “Just do it!” If you can understand the meaning of these three words, they will motivate you for the rest of your life. In this phrase you can not only find the answer to the question: “How to leave a job you don’t like?”, but also to any others that torment you. But what is the secret of these words?

In fact, everything is quite simple, like the phrase itself. All you need to do is just do it. Would you think twice about it if one of your relatives told you: “Get up from your chair” or “Pick up that piece of paper from the floor”? You would just do it, wouldn't you? Do the same now. There is no need to think about the consequences and possible related problems. You have arms, legs, a head on your shoulders. So just do what should have been done a long time ago.

From love to hate

In fact, there are different periods in your relationship with work: sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it, sometimes you are bored with it, sometimes you feel indifference to it. Everything is like in a relationship with a loved one. So there is no point in drawing hasty conclusions or making categorical decisions.

To deal with this, you need to honestly answer the questions: what exactly do you not like about your job, how can you change it, and why have you still not changed your place of work or occupation.

How to work at a job you don't like: advice from a psychologist

Unfortunately, sometimes situations arise when you simply have to put up with a job you don’t like. Even if you write a letter of resignation, you will have to work a couple more weeks in order to leave with a clear conscience. This is not even a moral obligation of every person, but a law that is spelled out in the Labor Code. Therefore, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with the advice of psychologists who will help you come to terms with the fact that for some time you will still have to do something that you do not like.

Take the situation for granted. In most cases, it’s enough to simply accept the fact that you will still have to work at a job you don’t like for a while. To do this, try to think not about how many days you still have to endure the torment, but focus on the time when everything will be fine. Think about how you will arrange your office when you are rich, or what kind of paintings you will paint in the near future. Dreaming is extremely useful!
Use the time to prepare for your new life. It is not at all necessary to focus on just work around the clock. If you only have a couple of weeks left to do something you don’t like, then be sure to use these days to pass an interview at a new place or attend courses on implementing business projects. This will not only benefit you in the future, but will also take your mind off the negativity in the present.
Try to find a job during this time. This is not about the business you want to do. Just try to look for additional opportunities to earn money if suddenly something doesn’t work out with your lifelong dream. If at least 2-3 employers schedule an interview for you, this means that you are a valuable employee. To find a job, use online classifieds or contact the employer directly. This will distract you from an activity you don't enjoy.

We hope you now better understand how not to be afraid to leave a job you don’t like. Remember that life cannot change for the better if a person does nothing for it. You can tolerate rude attitude from your superiors and low salary. However, this will not lead you to achieve your dreams. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to live without needing anything. To do this, you just need to take a step towards the unknown. Believe me, related problems will always be present. However, if you continue to do something that you don’t like, then life will not change.

Least favorite job: what prevents you from working with pleasure?

Why do so many people continue to sit from call to call at a job they don’t like? Salary? Team? Habit? Or maybe it’s not the work itself, but the wrongly chosen profession? In any case, we must act!

Fifth column

Just think, I don’t like the job! But there is a salary. And it's hard to find another one. And in general, work can be either highly paid, prestigious, or loved. But really, is unloved work really that bad, and does it really have such a destructive effect on people?

What does unloved mean? This is when a person does not receive satisfaction from his activities, either in the form of money or in the form of social recognition, and the level of his self-esteem not only does not grow, but, on the contrary, falls. And therefore, no matter what we do at our unloved job, everything causes us internal protest and rejection. Does the company have new plans? Yes, these are just the whims of the authorities and new worries on our heads! Everything has long been familiar and easy, which means it’s just routine.

Any action in such work requires redoubled effort - first you need to overcome yourself. Remember, perhaps you had to do something unpleasant, something that you would not do under other circumstances. So was it easy? Surely at first you had to persuade yourself, give yourself compelling reasons. What is called increasing motivation. And when do we do what we love, say, a hobby? Time flies unnoticed, you don’t have to make any effort at all, everything seems to work out by itself. Notice the difference?

And the most important thing. If a person, even unnoticed by himself, spends so much effort on his usual work, on established relationships in the company, then what does he get at the end of the day except fatigue and accumulated irritation? Can you guess? And with these “labor” achievements he comes home. At best, just immensely tired, but if you add the burden of negative and unexpressed emotions, you won’t always quarrel in the office, you won’t say everything you think, you won’t express what you feel...

But at home you can relax by yelling, for example, at your household members. Actually, this is what happens. The negative energy accumulated during the day, not restrained by the boundaries of decency - after all, at home you can behave as you like - splashes out on the people closest to us for the most insignificant reason. But it is not the best way out to behave according to the principle “I carry everything I have with me,” when emotions and experiences remain unexpressed and are buried deeper for such a “good” reason as “you don’t want to take trash home.”

This principle is often preferred by men, while women, as more emotional creatures, try to throw out all the negativity. But, in any case, everyone suffers - both the “heroes” themselves and their immediate environment at home and at work.

On the other hand, it is very difficult to leave a job you don’t like, having acquired a persistent inferiority complex from it. How can you find a new job, convince another employer of your qualifications, if you don’t value yourself and don’t consider yourself worthy of a better life? A job you don’t like is addictive, not like a hobby - with passion, interest, creativity, but like a swamp - with routine and hopelessness. The longer you work at a job you don't like, the harder it is to change it. This state of affairs is also completely unprofitable for the employer. What kind of creativity or enthusiasm is there if even simple conscientiousness is difficult to achieve from an employee who is only concerned about how to quickly go home or get rid of the next assignment? How can such a person communicate with clients? Most likely, in the spirit of “there are many of you here, but I’m alone!” The conclusion is disappointing: no one needs a job they don’t like, neither the employee himself, nor his management, nor his immediate environment.

In searching of love

This medicine is available without a prescription, anyone will tell you: either change your job or change your attitude towards it. But people always forget about the instructions for use. And if we still somehow agree with the advice to change jobs, admitting the idea that, in principle, under a combination of incredible circumstances, it is possible to find a new job, but how can we change our attitude towards it? After all, she is so boring, stupid and underpaid! “Should I be happy about this meager salary?” - a typical reaction to a proposal to change your attitude towards work.

People are inherently great conservatives, even if they are out-and-out revolutionaries. In all manifestations of our activities, most of us use the same pattern of behavior, which psychologists call a life strategy. And when choosing a profession, and when choosing friends, and even when choosing a life partner. Moreover, we often use one strategy for... all of us. Look how the description of an ideal girlfriend sounds in the mouths of young people? Or how girls formulate the signs of a “prince on a white horse.” At the end of any definition, on both sides, a summary is made - “the heart will tell.” And here is the first divorce, the second, the third. And the heart keeps lying and lying.

Let's look at the definition of an ideal job. It basically fits into three words: interesting, prestigious, highly paid. The same strategy is used - “the heart will tell.” And the same result: even if you have the strength to leave a job that brought only disappointment, you rarely manage to find something fundamentally new, and the next disappointments are only a matter of time. It turns out that the new job is not much different from the previous one. The only thing that keeps you from “divorcing” her in such cases is the need to have a means of subsistence.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad. Both in relationships with spouses and in relationships with work, the same extremes are often observed: some get divorced (change jobs) only because their spouse didn’t add enough salt to the soup (the boss yelled, they weren’t invited to a corporate party, they gave them old furniture), others live long lives years next to, one might say, a monster - he beats, drinks, does not give money (5 years without a raise, six months without a salary) and patiently endures everything - inferior, but his! These are, of course, extremes, but they are so popular in relationships with the “unloved.” In one case we lack either determination or patience, and in all cases we lack understanding, first of all, of ourselves. And a simple desire to come to an agreement, to find, if not a compromise, then at least the boundaries of comfort in a relationship. Try to stop, take two or three, or better yet, five deep and slow breaths and let yourself think, why is your work not satisfying you? What is bad about her, or rather, what is she lacking in ideal? Maybe you shouldn’t get a divorce “over soup”? Or wait for a certificate of honor for “40 years of hard work in conditions close to combat”?

Or maybe just reconsider your search strategy for the ideal job? After all, there are people for whom the question: “Is there a favorite job?” baffles. “Is there really another one?” - they are perplexed.

New strategy

Make an effort, try to approach both the definition and the search for your favorite job differently than before. If you don’t like it, you can always return to your previous strategy.

Place. Look around. Are you satisfied with the place where you work? City district, building, premises and the workplace itself? What words would you use to describe everything together and each separately? Cold high-tech or a cozy home nest? How is your workplace structured? Maybe you should move the table, rotate it, or isolate it from the rest? What objects surround you? Desks and cabinets littered with papers or a jungle of indoor plants? Once you've identified your ideal environment, make a note for the future. For example: work should be 100 meters from the Kremlin or 10 meters from home. It is better to place the table by the window... or in a separate office. And in general, it would be great to get all the paperwork out of sight. And most importantly, what can you do now to bring the existing reality closer to the ideal? Maybe a conversation with your boss about a seat by the window and 20 minutes to sort out papers will be enough for this?

Behavior. How do you get to work? Sometimes it’s better to get to work in a “bucket with nuts” in half an hour than to choke on the subway for an hour and a half. Or maybe, on the contrary, traffic jams take much more time and nerves than underground transport. What do you do at your workplace? How are your activities different in the morning, afternoon and evening? And even after work, at home. Is everything within the scope of your duties and responsibilities? And how often do you observe, and perhaps even participate in, conflicts? Do you go on business trips - a lot or a little? And what would you really like to do? Of course, leave the extremes of the “lying on a sun lounger under a palm tree” series to define the ideal vacation. It’s better to write down the following points in the list of characteristics of your dreams: travel time is no more than 40 minutes, business trips are no more than 10% of the time... or no less than 60, working hours are strictly from 9 to 18... or a flexible schedule. This will be useful in the future, but now you can change something, take a step towards realizing your plans. First, give up responsibilities that are not yours. Then push yourself a little and buy a car. The next step is to arrange relaxation sessions instead of regular smoking breaks. You can add a couple of ten-minute breaks to bring yourself back to normal. And when you come home, set aside 15 minutes to take a break from the hustle and bustle of work and truly return to your loved ones. Who knows, maybe this will be enough for your work to bring you pleasure in addition to your salary?

Capabilities. I wonder if all your abilities are taken into account and realized at your current job? What do you have that is not yet in demand, that you could not only be proud of, but also use for the benefit of the common cause? Does anyone around you know about this? It's time to come out of hiding! Or maybe you overestimate yourself a little? Does your job require you to be overly active or impenetrable perseverance? What if you try to create the right balance between your abilities and responsibilities? And not in the future, but right now. You are active - take on part of the work done by your colleagues, which will certainly have a positive impact on your reputation. If you need more time for thoughtful activity, find yourself active assistants and stipulate a period when you are not available to anyone - you are working! And of course, decide for yourself in the future what is your ideal - activity or perseverance, vigorous creativity or meticulous execution, relationships with people or with objects. And look around, maybe behind the wall or even at the next table is the place where you can best apply your abilities. If you are sure of this, try to convince management of the benefits of your transfer to another place.

Beliefs. Beliefs are our foundation in life. They rarely change and are not even always recognized, but they always lie at the root of the most difficult conflicts. A common case is a contradiction between the moral values cultivated in the company and yours, regardless of whether they are good or not. Or, for example, you think that you don’t care, you work only for money and don’t think at all about the fact that your work is useless and does not bring any benefit, and the company’s activities do not make the world a better place. In fact, if a contradiction arises between your moral values and the surrounding reality, a process of accumulation of disappointment with work and with yourself begins, which can even turn into low-grade depression (its most severe form).

And our beliefs help or, conversely, hinder us from making a choice - to stay in that job or find a new, more worthy one. If you realized that the current state of things does not suit you, what is holding you back? Inertia? Again - beliefs. We prove to ourselves that we are unworthy of more, better jobs that are only found by people with connections or certain “unattractive” qualities. We are afraid to even try - what if it doesn’t work out?

But still, you can and should work with your own beliefs. On your own, although it is difficult and time-consuming, or with the help of a specialist. If you think you can handle it yourself, go for it. Long-known statements help: “I am worthy of a good job,” “Work is worthy of me,” etc. Say them morning and evening, in a good and bad mood. And listen to yourself, how do these words resonate within you? You may even hear objections. Whose voices are these - moms or dads, what and in what words do they say? What do you personally think about this?

Hear your own voice!

Personality. Have you ever wondered who you are at work? Sometimes it comes through in your own words: “What am I to them, an errand girl?” or “We found the last one!” But really, who are you in your company? Not a chief accountant or programmer, this is not about a profession or functional responsibilities, but about self-awareness. What is your role? Maybe you are the life of the party, or maybe you are the universal vest for the tears invisible to the world? Emotional leader or eminence grise? Highly qualified specialist or first aid? Are you satisfied with your current role? If not, who would you like to be? And what qualities do you need for the role that would suit you? Identify them for yourself and develop them through various trainings or seek help from a psychologist.

Mission. The difficult question is: “Why am I here?” If you can’t decide on the answer, play the “secret heir” game. Imagine that you and only you know that soon, for some reason, you will become the sole and rightful owner of your company. Let's say in a year or two. And you have the opportunity to look at the company’s work from the inside through the eyes of the future owner. Allow yourself to play this game without letting anyone know. At a minimum, this approach will help change the way you look at your place and company. Or maybe you will like it and make unexpected discoveries for yourself.

Song about the main thing

All of the above applies to the place of work - the desk or the company as a whole. And if you are not satisfied with the main thing - your occupation? The company is great and the salary is decent, but it’s not your job to calculate the tax base or type up the Saturday issue. In this case, the person becomes bored and even burdened with his work. He is not pleased with his own successes, and even the prospect of changing his job to a more attractive one does not warm him. It often happens that, having left a generally good job, a person cannot find another, similar one for a long time. And the problem is not that it is difficult to find a job, but that he no longer wants to do the business to which he devoted so much time and effort.

The reasons for loss of interest in the chosen type of activity are varied. In one case, people simply grow out of their profession or out of the relationships accepted in it. And then highly qualified specialists become freelancers - people of liberal professions. Traditionally, these included humanities specialists, but now among freelancers there is a large percentage of economists, lawyers, and tourism workers. Sometimes such people go into business in an area that is familiar to them. The saying “I understand life and quit my job” is exactly about this. This transition occurs easily and without outside help. Sometimes, of course, the help of a psychologist may be required to make a final decision.

Another reason is not “one’s own” profession. The conflict is formed in youth, when choosing an educational institution or first place of work. How do you usually choose your future profession? This may be a family dynasty - the most common case. Whether this option is suitable for the child or not, the parents’ profession is literally imposed on him. Of course, on the one hand, it is convenient to continue family traditions: a familiar environment, well-established professional connections, thoroughly studied features of the future specialty, possible help from parents and direct patronage for obtaining a prestigious job. And if the child’s psychotype is suitable for the profession chosen in this way, then in the future the successor of the dynasty can engage in the chosen business with pleasure and, as a result, with great success. But what to do if a born actor grows up in a lawyer’s family? In other cases, parents make their children hostage to their own ambitions. “I couldn’t do it, so you can do it!” And so the children “work off” their parents’ debts. In the practice of psychologists, music schools occupy a huge place as a childhood nightmare - parents wanted it that way, but did not become outstanding musicians!

If this is your case, then the first thing you need to do is “kill hope.” It is the hope that everything will work out and the salary is good that makes people passively go with the flow. But in this case, the result may not be what you hoped for.

If it’s important for you to make your own decisions, go for it! The most interesting thing is that everyone who dares to change their profession, as a rule, reaches significant heights in the new one, apparently as a reward for courage. And it doesn’t matter at all how many years you devoted to your previous occupation, and how much time is left until retirement. In practice, people successfully change their occupation even after 60!

As psychologists say, “it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” This fully applies to choosing your favorite job. Just stop treating yourself like a member of the caste of accountants-programmers-lawyers. No one signed you up there; lifelong employment has never been practiced in our country. And allow yourself to take a step from the usual route of life, allow yourself, as in an instructive joke, to “buy a lottery ticket.” You may not win a million, but you can get a lot more, who knows. Allow yourself to make your work enjoyable and become your life's work. And it costs much more than a million.

Based on materials from 2mm.ru