Life is not just existence, breathing or heartbeat. This is what fills our days and thoughts. Everyone feels happy when their life brings them satisfaction. Of course, even the most cheerful person sometimes gets upset or sad. But sometimes what fills life is very depressing from day to day. From those who have encountered this, you can hear: “I hate my life. I hate people, I have a terrible job, everything that happens in my life is bad.” Such feelings can deprive you of peace for a long time. To understand how to get rid of them, you need to understand what can lead to them.
Causes
Hatred of one's life is an unnatural state for a person. The more interesting are the reasons that can lead to this. Among them:
- fashion trends;
- comparing yourself to others;
- fixation on the past;
- situations that cannot be changed;
- emotional illnesses.
Sometimes it can be difficult to notice any of these reasons in yourself. For clarity, below are standard situations with fictional characters.
Fashion trends. Anya was a cheerful child. But then she noticed that her classmates liked to make fun of her optimism, but cynical, impudent and sarcastic teenagers were considered the elite of the class. She wants to show that she is no worse than them, and she thinks up witty and sarcastic responses to their jokes. On social networks, Anya found many pages with humor that ridicule kindness, generosity and marital fidelity. Gradually, she adopted this way of thinking, and everything that made her happy in life now causes only a cynical smile. But now they don’t make fun of her.
Hatred, cynicism and insolence are now at the height of fashion. Even the villains in films are charming and witty. They attract rather than repel.
Comparing yourself with others. Irina is a deeply unhappy person. She hates life because she does not have a husband like her sister Tanya. After all, happiness lies precisely in such a life partner. Lena, Irina’s friend, also does not have a husband. But I have my own car and a good job. Irina's appearance is not at all the same as those whom she considers beautiful. Everyone has something that makes them happy, and that’s exactly what Ira doesn’t have.
Sometimes the habit of comparing oneself with others dates back to childhood. Mom used to say: “Well, all your friends are excellent students, and again you brought a C.”, and as a person grows up, he begins to present himself in a negative light, comparing himself to others.
Obsession with the past. Lyuba knows exactly why her life is terrible. The fact is that she went to study not to become a seamstress, as she wanted, but to become an accountant, on the advice of her mother. If only she had acted differently then! Then she married more wisely, and certainly would not have been left alone with the child. Looking back, Lyuba really regrets that she made a mistake that ruined her life. She hates her mother, who insisted on her own way back then, and her life, which is going awry because of this.
Situations that cannot be changed. Svetlana is only 20, but she is disgusted with her life. After her uterus was removed due to a tumor, she sees no point in waking up in the morning. She will never be able to have children. Why live then? Why start a family, and who would want to marry her? Why build a career and earn money if there is no one left to do it later?
For Lyudmila, every day is torture. All members of her family died in a car accident, and she is alive only because she did not feel well that day. What's the point of living if you don't bring the laughter of children back to their empty rooms? She is oppressed by a feeling of guilt for not knowing, not stopping, not saving. Luda is firmly convinced that she should have died, and they should have lived. Thoughts about suicide come more and more often.
Emotional illnesses. Natalia has a wonderful life. Beloved husband, work, healthy children. But at times she is overcome by such a feeling of melancholy that she feels physical pain. Natasha cannot explain what is wrong with her, or even just pull herself together. She constantly wants to cry, has no appetite and sleep. The husband gets upset, and the mother says: “You’re going crazy.”
What if in some of these situations you managed to recognize yourself? Does this mean that life will never be fun again? It all depends on what to do next.
How does self-hatred manifest itself?
A negative attitude towards oneself is a very dangerous state. It starts with the thoughts “I hate my body,” “my appearance,” “my job,” “my life,” etc. As it worsens, a person stops accepting help from others, citing the fact that he does not deserve to be treated well.
Rejection of loved ones leads to loneliness, which the patient perceives as a deserved punishment. Against this background, apathy and severe forms of depression develop.
The worst consequence of hating oneself and one’s life is the emergence of suicidal tendencies. Against the background of derogatory and negative thoughts, a person comes to abandon himself, considering himself a nonentity unworthy of life. If psychological help is not provided on time, a person may commit suicide.
What can you do
First of all, you should firmly realize for yourself that it is definitely worth fighting for joy in life. Whether a person lives in vain or not depends on his mood. In response to such an attitude, life will definitely give you something good. And despondency and pessimism have a very bad effect on health.
If fashion trends are the cause of such feelings, it is worth recognizing that our thinking is shaped by what we fill it with. This greatly affects the quality of life. You shouldn't sacrifice this for the sake of fashion, because happiness is much more important. No matter how charming cynical and impudent people may seem, the soul truly reaches out to the kind and happy.
Great wealth is being able to be satisfied with what you have. A feeling of contentment protects against envy and sadness. To learn to notice the good, you can start a gratitude diary - a notepad in which in the evenings you need to write down three reasons to say thank you to God, your loved ones, or even yourself.
Moreover, it would be wise to acknowledge with humility that it is impossible to see everything from the outside. In every life there is something good and bad, but it is up to those who live this life.
Past mistakes can really affect your life. But, as a rule, this does not mean that absolutely nothing can be done. Focusing on the past is like the rearview mirror in a car. Sometimes it is useful to look into it to learn from past situations. But if you look at it constantly, then it is impossible to make decisions taking into account what is happening in real time. It may take an effort of will to focus on what is happening now.
Unfortunately, not everything in this world can be influenced. Sometimes admitting it can be difficult, and moving on can be even more difficult. To have strength, you need to find someone who needs care. A person becomes happier by giving someone some of his warmth.
The death of loved ones is the most powerful shock that can happen to a person. Where can I find the strength to live on? If necessary? It is worth considering whether a person who died would want those he loved to lose the will to live? Of course not. Letting go of pain does not mean forgetting. You can keep warm memories, the good things that remain. And continue to live - the way those who love us would want. This means setting goals, no matter how small, and achieving them.
It is worth enlisting the support of friends so that they will be there on difficult days, for example, on a wedding anniversary, if we are talking about the loss of a life partner.
The human nervous system is not adapted to a lifestyle that many consider normal. Every fourth person on the planet suffers from some kind of emotional disorder, and life would be much easier if all these people sought help in a timely manner. It is not at all necessary that antidepressants will be immediately prescribed to treat depression, which will turn a person into a vegetable, as many are afraid of. It is quite possible that the body simply lacks some vitamins, or there is a hormonal imbalance, or maybe you just need to talk it out to someone who won’t judge and can look at the situation from the outside.
Life is always the way we see it. Sometimes loving her can be difficult, but it is a good way to live her life better.
Larisa, Shuya
What is hatred
This is an unwillingness to come to terms with what is happening in your life. Denial and unwillingness to see beautiful moments. The desire to change for the better helps to overcome a destructive state. A person who believes that he knows everything cannot be a student. Someone who is satisfied with their current situation and has no intention of changing cannot improve themselves. Water does not flow under the lying stone. One of the conditions for change is indeed dissatisfaction with the present.
Potentially, every person can be not just a proud Christian, but by beginning to hate the bad in himself, he can become a disciple of Christ. Jesus does not call us to deceive ourselves and turn a blind eye to our own wrongdoings. Otherwise, we will not achieve heights if we condescendingly close our eyes to ourselves. He wants us to identify problems and solve them. A person who hates himself may ask questions:
- what to do if you hate yourself?
- I hate myself, what should I do?
- I hate myself, what should I do?
- what should I do if I hate myself?
- why do I hate myself?
- what to do if you hate your life?
Need some advice? Write your story Hello! I want to share my problem, maybe it will become easier for a while. The fact is that I am the most terrible person in the world. I'm stupid, scary and selfish. No one talks to me about this except my parents, but they say it in the heat of quarrels, so there’s nothing to blame them for. We rarely quarrel, and quickly make up. But the fact is that I still feel that I am completely useless, that no one needs me, that I am very stupid and ugly. I don’t know if it’s about self-esteem or something else, I don’t know what all this is about, and where it will lead later. I get sick often, my immunity is slightly reduced, terrible acne has not gone away on my face for about 8 years, I have a very frail body with a protruding belly due to the fact that the portions on my plate are a little larger than necessary. All attempts to fix something led to failure. I hate myself. Compared to others at school, I feel like the very last bastard, I feel that they hate me there too. When I go there, I feel disgust and fear. I have trouble concentrating on subjects, however, my grades are quite passable. I want to understand the subject, but I can't. I also can't do my homework because I have problems concentrating. I want to become an architect, but I have serious problems with the exact sciences. I want to study further, find a job and start a family. But I won't be able to do this. I'm afraid it won't work. I like anime. My parents are outraged by this, as are some of my classmates. This really bothers me. My whole life disgusts me. I'm afraid of independence. I'm afraid of everything, I'm ashamed of my body. For some reason my life is going downhill. I feel like I'm walking along a black line. What should I do to improve my life? Rate:
Ananas, age: 16 / 03/16/2016
Responses:
Dear, if you knew how many people consider themselves the most unfortunate, inferior, the most unworthy. And they are very wrong about themselves! We weren't born just like that. God called us here, and He loves us more than anyone else, more than parents (who may be too harsh in their statements), more than friends (who may turn away from us). Yes, we may have health problems, some difficulties in learning, difficulties in relationships with people. But the most important thing we have from God is life. And each of us living on earth is a Personality. Each of us is unique, valuable in itself, unique and therefore deserves respect. Simply because he was called by God into this life. This is where your attitude towards yourself should be based. Yes, each of us has shortcomings, both mental and physical. But each of us has our own positive sides, abilities, talents, gifts, and skills. What are they like for you? You definitely have them. Ponder this. And this will help you gradually love yourself and your life. And the attitude of those around us very often surprisingly reflects our dislike for ourselves. And if you change your perception of yourself, those around you will behave differently with you. So, start working on yourself. Wish you happiness!
Natalia, age: 44 / 03/25/2016
Pineapple, there are numerous logical errors in your assessment of yourself that create a false image of yourself in your mind. 1. “the most terrible person in the world” - if we consider the “whole world”, then the category of “most terrible” in it will be firmly occupied by Daesh militants (banned in the Russian Federation) and terrorists of other origins, then, probably, drug dealers and child molesters, various murderers and other criminals. So you will be left with the place of “average lazy teenagers of the Central Russian Upland.” 2. “dumb” is also a rather dubious assessment. Just look in several dictionaries (preferably from the Soviet era) for the definition of this characteristic and objectively apply it to yourself. For example, a characteristic given by a parent regarding the fact that “she could have guessed that we would come home from work tired and need to wash the dishes” is not an objective indicator of “stupidity”, but rather a lack of life experience of a student who, due to his age, was not parent and employee. 3. “scary” is something that people are afraid of. Those. if you have all your teeth and hair in place (people around you look at your face first), there are no disfiguring scars, the neighbors, when they meet you in a dark entrance, do not scream and do not try to get means of self-defense, then, alas, this epithet is also erroneous. So I suggest finding all the logical errors in your message and analyzing them. This will help develop concentration and analytical thinking and will be the first step towards preparing for the profession of an architect)
Strict auntie, age: 46 / 03/26/2016
Dear Ananas, you spend too much time thinking about the bad, the negative, about your ugliness and worthlessness. You don’t love yourself and are working towards self-destruction of yourself (as an individual). You know they say “appetite comes with eating” - so you have an appetite for the negative - the more you concentrate on it, the more you are sucked into it and in this swamp there is no strength left to think about good things - despondency and some kind of wild hopelessness sets in . Tell me, what do you think, do you always think realistically? Are you overthinking yourself? After all, like attracts like - one bad thought, another got caught on it, and then a third got tangled in addition and began to dangle in a ball. This is how you get sucked into negativity. What should you do? 1 – start monitoring your thoughts, reasoning about them and getting rid of parasitic thoughts. Those. an idea came to mind - take and work out its realism, its viability - does it really reflect the existing state of affairs or does it still have nothing in common with it? Let's say your thought is “I am the most terrible person in the world.” How realistic do you think this is? Don't you think that you are overthinking things for yourself? Do you have any real evidence to believe so? Is there really? How many? Write it down. Next, answer in writing, “Do other people at least sometimes do (act, behave) like me? If so, then why do I think that I am the most terrible person in the world? Do you know what I mean? Yes, you are imperfect. Nobody is perfect. But if you are not perfect, this does not mean that you are “the worst.” It's not the same thing. You are not perfect, but you are unique in your own way - you just have to see it. And in order to see, you need to identify this in yourself – i.e. work on yourself and your own development. You know what I think about your phrase - you don’t have enough love and attention, and for you, at least this method (self-humiliation) seems almost the only way to get the attention, care and love you want. Since you have not been given enough love - you do not know how to love yourself and value yourself as a person, then any method is acceptable for you - this is the hope that someone will hug you and say kind words to you and give you what you need. You are looking for support and love from the outside because you don’t know how to give yourself love, you don’t know how to take care of yourself, you don’t feel your worth. 2- start reading materials from the Perezhit.ru family of sites. Especially https://www.pobedish.ru/main/depress, https://www.pobedish.ru/main/samopoznanie, https://www.pobedish.ru/main/strah. They will help you treat yourself with love and understanding and teach you to fight your fears and self-doubts. 3 – start doing good deeds - for example, find a person who cannot help himself with something, but you just can - the gratitude of this person will warm your soul and you will not be so lonely, scared and sad, but will your soul will be warmer and more joyful - you will feel needed. 4 – stop scolding yourself for no reason. There is no benefit and no good in this. Better get a “Notebook of Good Deeds.” And as soon as you do something good, write it down. At least write down every day, with dates - you helped an old granny cross the road, fed a stray dog, watered a drying flower and it came to life, gave candy to a crying baby and he stopped crying and smiled - write everything and you will see for yourself that you have no reason to feel like this scold - that you have a kind soul. But at the same time, watch yourself so as not to imagine yourself and become arrogant. Try to do good deeds, but behave simply, as if you did not do something extraordinary, but, on the contrary, something ordinary, something that every person should do. This will help you avoid becoming arrogant and boastful. Good luck, girl!
Svetlana, age: 34 / 03/28/2016
Dear Ananas, I ask you to love yourself. You are alone, the only one. Why are you saying such terrible things? Don't you feel sorry for yourself? What did you do wrong to become the worst person in the world? Why did you decide that you are useless and of no use to anyone? Has everyone in this world been asked? Believe me, many would need your help if you wanted to do good. As for the figure and face, everything can be fixed. You can improve your diet and exercise at home. You have good goals, study, find a job, start a family. But don’t grab everything at once, go gradually, first start with your figure, with nutrition, then decide on your future profession, try and don’t be afraid that it won’t work out. No one succeeds right away. The worst thing is not to start.
Nika, age: 35 / 03/28/2016
Hello! You write: “The fact is that I am the most terrible person in the world. I'm stupid, scary and selfish. No one talks to me about this except my parents, but they say it in the heat of quarrels, so there’s nothing to blame them for.” Honey, you really are a wonderful person. These thoughts are instilled in you by your parents. And they do this out of their own self-doubt and dissatisfaction. After all, a happy and satisfied person will not criticize others, right? Are you okay. Does independence scare you? But it is precisely in it that there is a way out of your situation! She will save you, you will become strong and free. You are able to change your life. You are able to go to a place where you are loved and accepted for who you are, or at least simply not touched or criticized. Believe me, this world is so huge and beautiful, there are so many wonderful people in it! You will succeed, honey! You just have to start moving in the right direction, and life will begin to change for the better! Take the first step towards happiness - get rid of all sources of negativity. And understand... Our parents are not perfect, and they can make mistakes and even ruin our lives without realizing it... Think, and you will definitely find the right way out of your situation.
Lilia, age: 22 / 04/01/2016
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