What to do in such a situation? Abandon your loved one or fight for him?
Psychologists say that it is very difficult for a woman between 24 and 28 years old to find her soulmate.
Then she has only two options left: to connect her life with a married man or to be alone.
It happens that a girl simply finds out too late that the young man is married. She is in love with him and cannot help herself.
What to do is your choice. There is no single correct solution in this situation. We offer some advice, but it's up to you to decide what to do.
Take advantage of the moment.
As cruel as it may sound, all people use each other. And a married man does this doubly. After all, he has both a wife and a mistress. Psychologists recommend that girls who decide to have a relationship with married men also keep up with them and take advantage of the opportunity.
Don’t forget to look around, because you can miss your true happiness. He goes after you to his wife, who is waiting for him at home with a delicious dinner, and sleeps with her. Also, as an option, you can transfer your attention to something else.
For example, sign up for driving or foreign language courses. This will be the beginning of getting rid of these meaningless relationships.
Reasons for love triangles
You may feel like your romance is unique, your relationship is something out of the ordinary. This is true love, feelings, reciprocity and sincerity. Most likely, this is not the case, and the reasons for your affair are trivial.
Middle age crisis
Such situations are often caused by a midlife crisis and a man’s desire to feel young. In such relationships, the percentage that the triangle will end in divorce from the ex-wife and marriage to a new passion is much higher than in other cases.
Sexual incompatibility in a couple
In second place in terms of prevalence is sexual incompatibility between partners in marriage, which is resolved through regular affairs on the side. Marriages where one partner constantly cheats and the other turns a blind eye to it rarely end in divorce.
Anna, 34 years old
Probably, in my situation, all three factors came together, which led to an affair with a married man. My boss is a handsome man, 50 years old, he has been married for a long time, but the feelings have long faded away between him and his wife. They stopped making love and live like neighbors. So he paid attention to me. Our romance lasted a year and a half, and this suited everyone. Then I met my current husband, and we parted peacefully with my lover and even continued to work together for some time. Until I met my husband, I could not get out of this relationship.
Office romances
In third place are office romances. This is a separate category of love triangles that does not exist outside the office walls, but at the same time helps people solve many problems, both career and financial.
By the way, it is this category of triangles that brings the least suffering to its participants: wives or husbands often do not even realize that their halves have someone at work.
In turn, office lovers and mistresses do not put the desire to take someone away from the family first. Office friends don’t think about what to do if the man they love is married - they combine business with pleasure: they work, have relationships and some bonuses for this.
A classic example of an office love triangle is the relationship between a married boss and a secretary. Secretaries come and go, but the wife is a constant category.
How to get over a breakup if you're still in love
After a breakup, there will be a period of doubt. Feelings do not disappear quickly, so worries, sadness and longing for a loved one will definitely come to a woman. How to cope with emotions?
Be alone
A bad breakup requires a lot of strength and energy. Usually after a breakup people feel devastated. The woman no longer has anyone to occupy her thoughts; she does not feel her former support.
It's completely normal to spend a few days alone. Cry without being embarrassed by anyone, get some sleep. This period will put your thoughts in order and relieve you of the first and most difficult emotions.
Be sure to read:
How to have a lover - 7 proven options for where to find a married woman
Change the scenery
After parting, the familiar scenery of the city makes you plunge into apathy.
A change of environment is a great way to look at the world with a new perspective and find strength to deal with failures
Every place evokes associations with a failed romance, around every turn there is a chance to meet a former lover. Psychologists agree that a change of environment is a great way to look at the world with a new perspective and find strength to deal with failures.
You don't have to leave the country to get new experiences. A trip to nature will bring no less pleasure than an exotic country. In both cases, mental balance will be restored, new strength and a desire to develop will appear.
You can also arrange a global cleaning of the apartment, rearrange the furniture, and buy new nice things for the home.
Find your favorite thing
Life will not stop after a difficult breakup; you will have to do your usual things. Routine will not benefit your mood; there will always be time for sad thoughts.
It is better to find a new activity for yourself, for which you will have to try and even “break” yourself. Dancing, sports, and a new professional field are suitable. When you leave your comfort zone, you begin to think less and less about old wounds, trying to process new information.
If feelings are unrequited
In a situation with unrequited love, two options are possible:
- there was a relationship, but the man fell out of love,
- the object of love has no idea about anything.
When the first option occurs, the worst thing is to try to fix something in order to return the man’s feelings. A woman can call him, write messages, throw hysterics, however, she must understand that the man needs to be let go, you won’t be nice by force. And such behavior can only anger a person or arouse in him a feeling of pity, but not love. Moreover, over time it will still develop into irritation and hostility. Therefore, it is important to perceive lost love as an event from the past.
- To get rid of the feeling of love that is not answered, you need to think in the opposite direction. It's time to realize that this person doesn't owe you anything. Try to convince yourself that you do not need this person, but you cannot think of him as some kind of evil, provoking yourself to feelings of hatred. You need indifference to appear.
- Think about what you have at the moment, your head is filled with thoughts about a man whose feelings will never be mutual. If, when he sees you, he behaves decently in public, it is not a fact that in your absence he will not be angry, will not be irritated by your obsession, and may even laugh at your feelings.
- Try to consider the object of your love from the outside. Surely, like many people, he has shortcomings and more than one. There is no need to idealize him. Concentrate on the negative qualities of your loved one, realize that he is an ordinary person. Set yourself up to understand that this man is not your ideal, not your soulmate.
- Imagine that your destinies are intertwined, you are together. Months and years of marriage pass and then he begins to criticize you, cheat on you, raise his hand, scream, hate your mother, drink a lot. Were you able to forgive this person for such behavior? If it seems like “yes,” then you have serious problems, you are ready to endure pain, which means that mental disorders or too low self-esteem are not excluded. It is also important to think about whether your chosen one can get along with your character and needs. For example, you love to buy beautiful dresses in a boutique, but a man will start to get greedy and refuse such a purchase. Or you are too jealous, and the gentleman is very attractive and is in great demand among girls, and will start flirting with them. Can you survive this?
- Mentally remove this person from your life, try not to think about him. One can imagine that he moved to another city, for a long time or forever. Remember how good it was when you did not yet know about the existence of this man.
- Allow yourself to do what you have long wanted to do, but never had the opportunity.
- Start flirting with other men just to determine your attractiveness.
- Find a hobby and get carried away with it. This way you can devote all your free time to your favorite activity.
- Find the strength in yourself for auto-training. When your thoughts circle around your beloved man again, immediately imagine all his negative qualities.
- Change yourself. These changes do not have to be drastic, however, it is important that when you look in the mirror, you see a new person in it. This could be changes in clothes, hairstyle, new makeup. The main thing is to have a smile on your face.
What to do if you like a married man
The main question of our research today is what to do if a man is married, where to put his feelings? First of all, turn them in your direction - towards yourself. This kind of love does not involve suffering.
Feelings are meant to make both participants in the process happy, and not just the one who uses the other to solve his problems in the marriage.
If we discard the beautiful words about love, what will remain is: self-pity, dissatisfaction, fear of loneliness, uncertainty in a partner and in the future, misunderstanding “why she has everything, but I have nothing” and many other unpleasant emotions. Is this LOVE? Decide what to do if you love a married man, and whether you love him.
- The hero of not your novel: 6 secrets on how to recognize a married man
There are women who are quite happy with the position of their mistress; they receive certain bonuses for this (financial, career, etc.) - that’s one story. But since the conversation is about feelings and experiences, then you need something completely different in a relationship.
Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; it will still take time to heal mental wounds.
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.
It is worth considering your temperament when choosing a method, so as not to break down.
A quick way to end a relationship in 2 days
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away. You should not give a chance to once again promise a beautiful future, or listen to empty assurances. You need to part in such a way that the person will never meet you on the way again and will not interfere with your life in peace.
It is best to talk frankly with your lover. Explain to him your position, speak detachedly and emphatically politely. Quarrels and scandals will lead to aggression on the part of a man and unnecessary stress, so you can avoid a personal conversation and resolve the issue with a phone call.
After such a conversation, all contacts should be stopped. No correspondence, calls, meetings. If you have to meet at work or in a common company, you should limit yourself to short remarks and rare polite addresses. It is best to completely eliminate it from your life, albeit with the help of drastic changes.
Be sure to read:
Should you forgive betrayal: how to let go of a man’s betrayal, advice from a psychologist
You should not be afraid of being fired or changing your social circle.
If a married lover does not give up trying to achieve a conversation or meeting, then complete ignorance will sooner or later make him understand the seriousness of the decision made.
He will switch to his family or go to conquer new available girls.
Slow way
An abrupt break in a relationship that has lasted for a long time is quite difficult to bear.
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.
The decision is made quickly, but after saying goodbye to her lover and blocking his phone number, the girl begins to doubt and suffer, and risks breaking down and getting in touch again.
Some tips on how to end a relationship painlessly and smoothly:
- State your arguments clearly . Identify the problem and offer a mature and calm way to resolve the issue. If a man has dignity and objectivity, then the topic will be closed through joint efforts. The girl will receive certainty and freedom, and he will return to the family.
- Do not harbor resentment or unspoken complaints . Let the separation be accompanied by gratitude for the time spent together. Happy moments should be remembered, and all the bad ones should be forgiven. The sooner the grievances pass, the sooner the person will leave his thoughts.
- Reduce the number of meetings and find new activities . The less free time, the sooner the understanding will come that a lover does not mean so much in life, there are other pleasant surroundings and interesting things to do.
- Do not conflict openly, do not express complaints. There are two people to blame for the current situation, so accusations will not solve the problem, but will only ruin the nerves.
