Tears won't change anything
Remember your childhood, when you hurt your knees and cried that they hurt. What was happening at that moment? That's right, you felt pain! But what did you do? Nothing! You were just crying! How did you get rid of this pain? Act one, you were returning home. Act two, showing the wound to the parents. Act three, they smeared your knees with brilliant green.
You did something to fix the situation! Regular crying didn't help matters! So now, start solving your problems! Whining won't help matters!
Changes in your personal life - and not for the better
This is where the spiritual emptiness is difficult to close. Only doctor time can heal. Although in some cases all is not lost.
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My husband left me
Such sad changes in the family throw a woman off balance for a long time. Especially when a homewrecker appears on the way. First there are hysterics, threats, belittlement, and then - depression, emptiness, heaviness in the soul.
But how many times have such gulens returned home guilty? How many times has it happened that women have already “boiled over” and no longer want to let their spouses in the door? And how many times have women fallen in love in a new way, and she no longer needed this old womanizer!
Therefore, if your husband is now lost, and you can’t find a place for yourself, know that he is actually still alive. There are many options for returning him to his family, and one option is that you no longer need him.
Or maybe you are to blame for something? Maybe there is a chance to fix something? Maybe there is no homewrecker? Then don't put it off until tomorrow - dry your tears and act today.
Losing a loved one
This is where things get more complicated. For example, my mother passed away. You have already cried all your tears, the terrible days of all the farewell ceremonies have passed, and you have gone into deep depression. You look at one point, you don’t want to communicate with anyone, even though you are incredibly lonely.
For now, time is working to heal you psychologically. Nothing is needed yet. Unobtrusive care from family and friends is good. The main thing is that they don’t jerk you now in order to “knock the depressive crap out of your head.” This is not nonsense, this is how it should be.
The best way out is to communicate with someone who has already gone through a similar stage. Only he will help calm you down and explain how best to get out of depression. It is in him that there will be trust. Just don't get hooked by some sect.
People's bitterness is not your concern
When someone tries to suppress your confidence, erase your success, diminish you as a person, grit your teeth and smile! Don't let others see your fear! Show character! Don't let your ill-wishers enjoy their victory over you. Someone doesn’t like you, they don’t like your actions or thinking, but they don’t care about anyone! Always be yourself! Don't you dare let people or circumstances break you or change you! Don't listen to what you need to be like, how to communicate, how to act! This is your life! It's your problem, what will happen to you, no one else! Remain yourself despite everything!
Manage your life...
Not happy with your material wealth? Start thinking about how to improve it and improve it. Don’t sit on your ass at a job where you earn pennies, whining and complaining from morning to evening, without changing anything.
Not happy with your appearance? Start working on it. Sign up for a gym, a swimming pool, wherever you want, go to a salon, I don’t know, for some kind of procedure, buy new clothes, etc.
Do you miss feelings and love, your (same) girl next to you? OK. For example, start looking for a girl. Come outside. Meet me. Communicate. Just not with just anyone - as long as it is, but with those - who you really like, because your goal is to find yourself a good, worthy girl who will make you happy, with whom you will share your life, grief and joy, etc. and not with whom you fuck and you will break up or something like that. Understand? And vice versa, for girls, with men.
Do you lack emotions in general? Start doing something to receive these emotions. Jump from a parachute, bungee jump, meet a girl, ride a motorcycle, ride a fast car, shoot with a machine gun, pistol, go to another city, country, travel, well, in short, you can give a million examples.
Well, etc. and so on. on any question = you can write it all down. Do something.
Let it go
A necessary action for further carefree life, without the burden of the past. Having experienced something terrible, do not lose the human qualities of kindness, love and creativity. Everything in our life is interchangeable, some circumstances take everything from us, but sooner or later this will be compensated in the future. The main thing is not to wait for manna from heaven by simply folding your hands. You need to keep moving towards your goals, no matter what.
Analysis of problems
Why do I feel bad, I don’t know how to continue to live, I’m very sad... What’s the use of these questions? Analyze your condition and understand yourself properly. Figure out why everything in your life became bad. Write down the reasons for your failures and poor condition. Write down possible ways to solve them, difficult and easier. You have nowhere to rush now, write down all your thoughts on this task. Afterwards, read what is written and begin to take those actions that, at the moment, are most convenient for implementation.
This way, you won’t take on an over-the-top task that takes years to complete and drive yourself into greater and greater depression from dissatisfaction. By doing small, simpler tasks, your mind will begin to understand that everything can be solved and you are already doing it, thereby making it easier for you to look at the current circumstances. You will understand that they are also solvable.
Option 2.
In spite of everything, you fight, cling to life, solve problems, difficulties, questions, try, make every effort and no matter how difficult, painful and hard it is = move forward.
This is the position of truly strong individuals who are not going to give up so easily, lose to natural selection and end up in the evolutionary trash heap.
The easiest thing to do is just give up. Anyone can do this. Therefore, option 1 is weak, a loser. But getting out of the ass when everything is: It’s difficult. Badly. It sucks. Hurt. Tears. It's all butt inside. Emptiness. State of darkness. I don't want anything. Severe depression. Apathy. Weakness. Dejection. Sadness. Life is pain. Etc. bullshit. and change everything in the opposite direction = this is already a strong, active, practical position.
When you move forward and only forward = and change your life, your current situation, take concrete actions to improve everything, and don’t sit still and whine about how bad everything is, how fucked up everything is and so on or something else - you jump under trains and shit like that.
That's what the 2nd option is. This is what a strong and active position is. Male position!
Everyone decides for themselves what position to take; I just think out loud.
In the end - natural selection - and it always puts everything in its place.
But! As you understand, I personally have an unambiguous position on this question - you need to get out of your ass if you are already in it, you need to change something, your situation, correct, adjust, take action on what doesn’t suit you or what worries you, worries you, hurts you, etc.
Understand the main point: in life, anything happens, this is life.
And good, beautiful, wonderful, and incredibly beautiful-wonderful, etc. and so on.
And bad, not very good, and terrible, and regrettable, and painful/bad/sad, etc. and so on.
It doesn’t happen that you move upward like a string and everything is always fine with you. No. At least I don't know that. Life = like a wave. Draw a wave, now, with your finger in the air.
And you will understand that there is a peak (rise) and there is a decline (fall), there is no such thing that the peak is eternal...
Therefore, difficulties, problems, failures, pain, anxiety, experiences when it sucks, etc. and so on. = this is an absolutely normal process inherent in absolutely all HOMOSAPIENS on planet Earth.
Any stressful situation, stress, anxiety, worries, pain, suffering, etc. = in fact = makes you stronger and stronger each time inside, spiritually. It was not without reason that I once said that personality develops very strongly and quickly when it is bad, painful, not good, when it suffers.
Don't neglect your future
Many people mistakenly believe that during a difficult life situation, drinking alcohol will ease the soul... Is this really so? The first hour or two, indeed, may make you feel better, since your logic will weaken and your soul will be open to plowing. The nerve endings will be muted, and then what? Afterwards, such a wave of emotions will come that will engulf the person and cause severe depression. Alcohol and drugs will not help improve the situation, and temporarily dampening it can lead to consequences that will make an already not-the-best life many times worse. If you are not prone to alcoholism. You can allow yourself to call your loved ones, sit down like a human being at a common table, with a small amount of alcohol and have a heart-to-heart talk, open up to people in whom you are confident. Thus, drinking alcohol in the current situation can still play the role of a mental balm.
Option 1.
A lot of people, when in reality everything is very bad, shitty, painful, terrible, difficult, etc. and so on. they commit suicide, that is, they hang themselves, jump from bridges, throw themselves under trains, drown themselves in alcohol, become addicted to drugs, kill themselves, etc. and so on. This is the position when a person gives up.
The position when a person loses under the conditions of natural selection. All. His battle is over.
Why battle? Because if you haven’t understood yet, in order to survive in this world, you need to fight. If you don't fight = you will lose/die out = hence the expression: the battle is over.
Don't suppress negative emotions
When a person says that I have grief, but I can handle everything that has come my way. He is already dooming himself to suffering. He needs to let out all his resentment. Scream, cry, break something, have a colossal surge of adrenaline. Let me give myself as an example. When I feel very bad, my soul is crap and I don’t know what to do next…. I'm leaving for a deserted place. Where I live, such a place for me is a hill. I get to the hill, climb to the very top and start screaming at the top of my lungs as much as I can! I start kicking and hitting trees. In some cases, I buy the cheapest dishes from the Chinese and break them there. As soon as I realize that I am exhausted, it becomes much easier for me. I no longer have this burden, I have thrown it all out. I gave myself the will to open up and not keep it all in my soul. Do not under any circumstances suppress your grief, troubles and sorrows, drive the negative state away from your body.
How to let go of a situation and not think about it
When I buried myself in problems
Procrastination is a difficult word, but its essence is familiar to almost every person. Psychologists use this word to mean putting things off “until tomorrow . This “tomorrow”, again, is postponed to an indefinite day, and meanwhile other unfinished tasks are collected in a huge lump.
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No, this is not simple laziness when a person just wants to relax and gain strength. This is a burden of problems that need to be dealt with urgently, so rest is out of the question. But other things cannot wait, and they are all just as urgent. As a result, everything is done in haste at the last minute and it’s a bummer.
The result is that the result did not bring joy, the chance of victory was missed, and hence moral devastation. To prevent this from happening, here are some tips:
- If you get down to business, try to do it right away. Well, as a last resort, take a short time out for inspiration.
- Don't take on everything at once, doing everything halfway. It is better to abstract from other problems, but focus on the most important.
- Don't make promises to everyone to look good. It’s better to refuse once and remain honest than to promise, fail to deliver, and then hide.
- If you are overdue, find out if there is still a chance to catch up. If there is, do everything immediately; if not, forget about it.
- Don't mope over what you missed. This is a lesson for you - either you are trying to burden yourself with something beyond your strength, or the process itself is unpleasant for you, and therefore unnecessary.
Procrastination is dangerous when it comes to personal health or the health of loved ones. These problems definitely cannot be put off. And everything else is nonsense: work, household chores and other little things. So they weren't that important if they could be put off.
Therefore, the emptiness in your soul is just time to think about new plans . Like a space on a keyboard between words: finished one word - “space” - start another. Just don’t repeat your mistakes, at least make a clear schedule.
Don't be shy to ask for help
This is not just about asking a loved one for help. Don’t be ashamed of life’s circumstances; no one is immune from them. One person was lucky at birth to have everything, another has to climb to happiness through a bunch of problems in his life. It’s no one’s fault, this is life and you need to accept it as it is. Therefore, if you see that you need help, seek help from friends, a psychologist, mentors, anyone, if you think that this or that person can somehow get you out of this situation. First of all, in order to get out of the current life situation, you yourself need to take a step towards getting rid of ailments. In this example, this is the step of asking for help. If you withdraw into yourself and experience everything alone, it will consume you...
Requests for help Write your story I have been feeling very bad for the last 5 years. It’s like there’s a lump of dirt stuck in my chest and eating away at me from the inside. I haven't wanted anything for 5 years now. No sex, no work (which I simply no longer liked), watching movies, walking, talking and, in the end, living too. Every day I come to work, communicate with my workmates, pretending that everything is fine, smiling in their faces, joking with them, and when I come home, I turn on music and lie and listen. I just listen and dream of dying or being born in another century. But there is no one to tell the truth. Parents have been divorced since 2010. Relations with them are as cold as ice. My father demands a lot from me, what I don’t want, I don’t like. But I have to do it so as not to disappoint him, and in the end I still make a mistake somewhere and disappoint him. Maybe I lack love or something else that I don’t see or realize? At home too, I just stopped cleaning, I live as... well, I just live as I live. I don't care about anything. I want to scream so loudly that someone on the other side of the universe can hear. Why does it hurt so much? Why so bad? What is wrong with me? I’m 28 years old, and I feel like I’m 80. I’ll say this if it weren’t for Mom and Dad, I would have committed suicide <ed.mod.>... Lord, how bad my soul is. I would like to write so much here, but I doubt it will help me in any way, I doubt it will instill in me the spirit and strength to live on. People will read what I wrote and many will think about it. What a moron. Or they'll just sympathize with me. And I just won't care. I want to be free from life. I want to jump from a plane and just fly down with my eyes closed and know that just a couple more moments of the flight and I will be free. I have no one to complain to, no one to tell how bad I feel, no one to cry on, and this is probably sad from the point of view of a normal person. I understand that suicide is not the answer. And it won’t make it any easier for the family. But I didn’t even care about my family. I'm scared by these thoughts. This is probably the first and last time I write something on the Internet. Support the site:
Sasha, age: 28 / 05/23/2017
Responses:
Hello. It seems to me that it would be right to remember when you began to have such an attitude towards life. It was five years ago - what happened to you then? Maybe some unfavorable events that affected You so much. And all this time you are struggling with their consequences. Think about it. Perhaps the reason is generally in Your work. It was at that age that he began working. The responsibilities you perform can be very exhausting. Relationships with management or team. At first glance, everything may look good, but in fact it is a source of discomfort. I know from personal experience how powerful this can be. Working in one organization, my soul was heavy all the time and I didn’t want to do anything after work. There was always something wrong with my health, despite my young age. After some time, the organization moved and I had to leave there. And, as time shows, it was right. In the place where I work now, everything is completely different. Much easier than before, emotionally. In addition, I had free time from work to help other people. And this is actually very interesting and not at all difficult. Additional motivation when you feel that you are bringing benefit to someone. Think about it, maybe you should decide to change something in your life. And then the desire and strength to live will appear.
Mikhail, age: 28/05/24/2017
Hello, Sasha. You wrote: “I want to write so much here, but it’s unlikely that it will help me in any way...” But I think that if a person has a need to express more than he says, this need must be satisfied. Perhaps it is in the unspoken words that you can understand something and find a way out of your difficult situation. I think we need to take advantage of this chance. I also realized that you have no one to talk to, try to see a psychologist, don’t isolate yourself. Happiness to you, Sasha, may a ray of light shine in your life.
Olga, age: 35 / 05/24/2017
Sasha, how come you didn’t think of seeing a doctor, a psychiatrist! It seems to me that you are suffering from depression, which means you need to treat it and recover. Your whole life is in front of you. The joy of life, the enjoyment of life will still be available to you.
Madame, age: 55 / 05/24/2017
Hello Sasha! Depression is a disease. And she needs to be treated. And it can be treated in different ways. It is imperative that you have a purpose and meaning in life. We can advise you to start your own family. According to my observations, people who get married cope with depression more easily. Or turn to God, become a Christian, this path has given many people joy and meaning in life. Or turn your attention to other people who really need help. It also gives you a desire to live when you understand that other people need you. And if all this does not suit you, then contact a psychologist or psychiatrist, it depends on the severity of your depression. But since you are in long-term depression, then you probably need to see a psychiatrist. But you have to live. We have to fight. We must win.
Arina, age: 27/05/24/2017
Dear! There is no need to be discouraged. It's difficult to advise. First of all, you are not alone. We are all living people and can lose motivation. There is a slight depression on the face. There is a positive. You are young, healthy, functioning normally - going to work, i.e. slight depression. You do not have the burden of incapacitated relatives, wife, children. This is positive, because hands are untied. For example, it’s easier for me to be lonely, and having a family is stressful. Come home from work and turn on not music, but some satirical speech, read something funny, for example. Visit your primary care physician. Find some hobby or passion. Lots of dating sites.
Kolobok, age: 47 / 05/24/2017
Hello. Sasha, it looks a lot like prolonged depression, so don’t put off visiting a psychotherapist. Take your vitamins, they will give you strength. And another piece of advice - fall in love! Start a family, every man needs care, guardianship, attention, feminine affection, and you are no exception. I think your mood will change, you can’t go against nature, as they say))) Good luck to you!
Irina, age: 29/05/24/2017
Dear Alexander, I would like to warn you that by freeing yourself from life in this way, you will not become free, since this is an unforgivable sin. Try to slowly figure out what’s wrong, try to figure out the meaning of a person’s suffering, why they are sent to him, maybe just if everything was fine, then you wouldn’t think about what you need, maybe it’s time to pay attention to what’s really important for each of us. This is to establish a relationship with God. Unfortunately, we people remember Him only when we feel bad. With the Lord in your heart, then death will be real freedom, but only when your time comes, when God decides so. And thoughts of suicide are being sent to you by the enemy of our salvation, drive them away! True freedom is in the Lord, because He is the Truth. I hope my message will help you, don’t give up, and then you will see how wonderful life is) I also had such a terrible state, I understand what you mean... but if you don’t give up, then everything will start to get better, look for the main thing this very Truth, get to know it... Take care of yourself. *** Life is beautiful in all its images: Speaking in everyday prose; In the descriptions of poets, figurative; In black clouds and in pink clouds... And she rushes - madly!.. Strikes with blows - crushingly! So that we forget to live sublimely... So that life is painful for all of us! I will make every effort, To touch eternity with my heart, To make life sparkle with its edges, Taking me into the world of infinity!
incognito, age: 26/05/24/2017
Sasha, there is always a reason for such a state: sometimes these are somatic reasons, sometimes it is an event for which you suppressed feelings, drove them inside yourself and it seems that you survived, but it comes out in the form of such an unwillingness to be. Maybe you do a lot of things that you don’t feel like doing. It’s good that you wrote here - this is at least some step to help yourself. When you can’t figure out the reasons, it’s best to consult a psychologist (not just anyone, by recommendation). It is clear that you have such a need. Normally, a person should be happy - this is his normal state. I wish you to find yourself again, the one who smiles when you wake up in the morning.
Anna, age: 36 / 05/24/2017
Great, why are you depressed? I read your letter and you can’t even imagine what a happy person you are. Let's break it down: 1. Your health is good 2. You have a job, you have income 3. You have family and friends 5. You are young, you can outshine everyone Here I have listed your main wealth. You're a grown guy, oddly enough, people have times when they want to die. So, I’ll tell you this is your life and only you can fix it, become happy. Stop becoming despondent, because despondency is also a human sin. Just get out of this state with the help of God and start living without looking back. What will help you is faith. You don’t need anyone to cry, all the strength and faith is already in you. Talk to God, because He is always with us. Ask for help, repent, start thanking and I’m sure changes will begin in a good direction. Everything is temporary, be patient and grateful, my brother. Happiness to you.
Just a guy, age: 23/05/24/2017
Hello Sasha! I'm very, very glad you posted here! And I’m glad that I saw it too and can write to you. The most important thing I want to ask you is to try, if you don’t accept it, then understand: either we control our thoughts, or they control us. When I accepted the second option, I felt about the same as you. Therefore, let me tell you WHAT NOT TO DO, so that you don’t get scared by your thoughts later. 1. Try not to listen to music while thinking about something. No matter how strange this advice may seem, it is very important. If you don’t go deep into medical terms, but to put it simply, then you are simply “twisting” yourself, cultivating a state in yourself that is then so difficult to recover from and so difficult to control. 2. No matter how pointless it may seem, do some things. In fact, this is also a good way to take a break from heavy thoughts. Moreover, when we understand that we are useful to someone (and you can help your parents), strength appears for other things that are useful to you directly - communication, walks, sports. 3. Communicate! Communicate!!Communicate!!! Treat communication as a cure for your condition: take (for now) twice a day))) That is, in the first half of the day you talked to someone, and in the second. 4. I could be wrong a thousand times, I’m sorry if that’s what you think, but such despondency can be due to a lack of understanding, acceptance, non-judgment, faith in the best in you, sincere support. Even one word can give all this, if it is from the heart and sincere - perhaps it’s worth looking for a psychologist, if not face-to-face, then at least on the Internet, you can find a free one. And you’re unlikely to go wrong if you talk to the priest - in any Orthodox church church (this is from personal experience, this moment in my recently hopeless life was key). 5. Watch videos about compassion. It’s so easy to google it - it’s difficult to explain what happens when you approach this topic, even passively. 6. Know about yourself that you are a good person. Know this firmly, and when doubting yourself: to do or not to do, say to yourself: “I will do as a good person would do.” 7. Don’t even doubt that this condition will pass! It is not necessary that all problems will suddenly disappear, but you will definitely be able and in the mood to solve them and at the same time enjoy life! Often only hormones are to blame for depression - so maybe this aspect is also worth thinking about? Hold on!!! Everything will definitely get better!
Natalia, age: 35 / 05/24/2017
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Try to think positively
Don't forget that thoughts are material. If you think about bad things, you will notice bad things around you, because you have concentrated all your thought processes on the bad things around you. I agree, it sounds easy in words... I use this technique: when a bad thought gets into my head, I spit it over my left shoulder, knock on the head (thinking bad head, what are you thinking about) and then knock on wood, driving the thought into the tree. Having done this action, I begin to repeat that I am happy, everything is fine with me, that I am building my life the way I want it. Start thinking positively, form in your head what you want to have and surround yourself with positive thoughts, even if everything is bad now. Avoid people who think negatively and constantly look at everything with contempt and condemnation; at the moment, you will not get anything good from communicating with them.
Don't let negative thoughts enter your head
Draw an exclusively positive picture of the future in your mind. Often experiences are associated with a premonition of something bad in the future. To maintain peace of mind, the main thing is to prevent the emergence of negative emotions that have nothing to do with the objective reality of the current moment. It has been proven that thoughts about bad things act as a kind of magnet for similar events. If you worry all day long about possible troubles in the future, then problems will certainly become a reality.
Love
Don't neglect beauty. No matter how hard it is for you now, you must force yourself to move. There is no desire, it’s hard, everything is bad enough, so, at least not in the name of yourself, but in the name of loved ones whom you love, respect and appreciate. Finally, do something nice for them, in return you will receive their gratitude, which is likely to alleviate your condition. This action will help you understand that there is still good in the world, there are sincere feelings and gratitude. You should always maintain love in and for yourself, thereby attracting environmental kindness into your life.
If you have your own advice on how to survive a difficult period in life. Share them in the comments.
I feel bad. main reason
Don't neglect God's help. When your strength is running low, remember the One who created you. God is love. He can and wants to help you; you were not created to suffer, but to fulfill a special purpose on Earth. You are unique, and there is no other person like you on the planet and there never will be. The Bible says we are created in the image and likeness of God. The devil hates God, but is not able to harm Him. Therefore, Satan takes revenge on the Creator by attacking His image – us, people.
Make peace with God, ask Him for protection!
Live communication with God
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