How to save a family on the verge of divorce: advice from a psychologist on how to restore and return a woman’s relationship with her husband in marriage, recommendations for men

August 31, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Natali Michaelis

Sometimes it happens that feelings of love and passion in a couple gradually subside. Just recently, your husband was an ideal role model for you, and now a pleasant and cozy world is gradually beginning to collapse? Is it possible to stop this train of rupture, which is tirelessly moving towards its goal, or is it still better not to even think about how to save a relationship on the verge of divorce? In our article you will learn a lot of useful information on this matter.

Try to find a reason

Have you thought about how to save a relationship on the verge of breaking up? Psychology gives several detailed questions to this answer, but first you must decide on the reasons that led to the subsidence of your feelings or even mutual hatred. It is worth noting that absolutely any marriage can be saved - you just need to know all the sore spots that lead to scandals between you and your spouse.

The speed of normalization of relations directly depends on the degree of attachment of two people to each other. Some couples cannot even live a day without seeing the smile of their loved one, others prefer to be alone all their free time, only occasionally remembering the existence of their chosen one. In the following sections you will find the most common reasons why relationships break up.

Because of him my self-esteem is falling

Sometimes people around you tell you things you don't want to hear. They may feel that your personality has to develop in a certain pattern, that you are too dominant, that you seem resentful, or that you are just weird. If this is said without malicious intent, there is reason to think about the fairness of these remarks.

Understanding life, among other things, implies the gradual discovery of new, previously unknown facets of our personality. In this sense, enemies turn out to be much more useful than friends. After all, the latter, afraid of losing you, tend to embellish circumstances so much that you won’t even notice how you give free rein to the negative traits of your character. Your enemies will tell you everything right to your face.

You will be very lucky if your friend or relative tells you honestly (even to their own detriment) about how you behave, including the negative aspects. Breaking off a relationship with this person because of your damaged ego will mean that you missed an opportunity to improve your self-awareness.

If you find it difficult to listen to criticism addressed to you, consider this the beginning of your work on growing and developing your own personality.

Try to find out what others think about you and compare it with your own idea of yourself.

Of course, this is not always true, especially in a situation where your friend or close relative scolds you, insults you, is sarcastic, or otherwise shows his disrespect. No one has the right to demand perfection from you, but if a person wants to tell you how to become better, he will try to do it more tactfully.

Polygamy

Have you decided to save your relationship with your girlfriend? Then first you should decide on the reason that could lead to a possible rupture. The most common of them is polygamy - the reluctance of one of the partners to accept their other half as one and only. Sometimes in couples it happens that both parties cheat on each other. Subconsciously, no one wants to be abandoned, but they continue to betray their loved one, forgetting to put themselves in his place.

Statistics show that men cheat most often in relationships, but every year there are more and more women prone to polygamy, which is completely contrary to nature itself. If in the case of a man everything is more or less clear - the natural instincts of a male are difficult to overcome, and a girl can still forgive her betrayal of her boyfriend, then the opposite is unlikely to ever happen. No self-respecting man would forgive his lover for sleeping with someone else. Because of this, we have to resort to breaking up.

What to do if there is a crisis in your relationship with your husband

Every couple at certain moments experiences a crisis in their relationship, when one of the loving people, or even both, thinks that the right decision would be to separate. A crisis state is such a limit in a relationship when it is not possible to return to what was before. The way out of the situation can be either a break in the relationship or its transformation.

The party who wants to save the family must consciously try to take the relationship in the couple to another level.

However, you need to understand that it will not be possible to preserve the unit of society through the actions of one of the partners. Each person is responsible for only half of the contribution to a harmonious relationship. If the spouse is ready for dialogue, then you should try to take actions that contribute to entering a new stage of the relationship.

How to save a family on the verge of divorce - advice from a psychologist.

Causes

Problems in relationships do not appear suddenly.

They are the result of the following events:

Frequent disagreements
Hidden dissatisfaction of one of the spouses,
Lurking grievances, understatements,
Unintentional or deliberate betrayal,
The monotony of life, the bustle of home life,
Difficulties at work.

40% of problems arise when children appear.

There are often cases when the relationship between spouses deteriorates after the birth of a child. But do not forget that these are only temporary difficulties.

Signs of a crisis

Impending difficulties can be recognized in advance.

Watch the video. Ten ways to improve your relationship in one day.

The following signs indicate this:

Spouses stop talking to each other about their own joys and sorrows,
Your partner's actions begin to irritate you
Any issues related to the education of the younger generation lead to mutual dissatisfaction,
The desire to please your spouse goes away,
Sexual contacts happen less and less often, turning into fulfillment of duty,
Partners no longer feel each other's feelings
Opinions about the most important topics for the family begin to contrast (joint budget, vacation destination, relationships with loved ones, etc.),
One of the couple is dissatisfied with the fact that he often has to give in and adapt to the desires of the other person. As a rule, the husband begins to think this way.

Disappointment

Often a lady is disappointed in her chosen one after marriage, because he seemed completely different to her. Illusory ideas invented by the woman herself appear during the period of falling in love, when it is not possible to objectively evaluate a representative of the stronger sex.

A lady in love does not see the disadvantages of her gentleman; she seems to idealize him. After some time, the veil falls, and her far from ideal husband appears before the woman. It is not without reason that there is a large amount of humorous folklore that the fairy tale ends immediately after the wedding ceremony.

You should not hope that your husband will be like the idea that the lady created in her head. You need to value your own husband, because it’s not just that a representative of the fairer sex chose him. This means that there was something for which you can love him, you just need to remember his advantages.

There is no need to compare your spouse with other men; from the outside it is difficult to judge others objectively. To really understand who a man really is, you need to live under the same roof with him.

It is important to learn to appreciate who is nearby. Perhaps not everything is as bad as it seems at first glance.

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Lack of mutual understanding

Many couples face the danger of disagreements due to lack of mutual understanding. Each spouse thinks that it is difficult for him, but the other does not see it. Most often, it is the woman who reproaches this. It is especially difficult for those ladies who are raising several children, are on maternity leave, and are struggling with everyday chores.

Having fallen out of the usual working rhythm, the lady does not feel like the same active person. If she has no hobbies other than farming and offspring, then the husband will have to come to terms with his wife’s bad mood. He is not able to understand her concerns, and it seems to her that he does not want to understand her and help her. Disagreements and reproaches become constant, which foreshadows the onset of a crisis that can lead to divorce.

Depression after childbirth can further change the situation for the worse. In this case, the woman needs the help of a professional. Recommendations from a psychologist can help.

It is also advisable to enlist the help of loved ones or a nanny to help take care of the children and home. The wife will have time to pursue hobbies, visit shops and communicate with friends. In this case, the relationship between the couple will become calmer and more pleasant. The wife will greet her husband in high spirits, and she will have the same desire to keep abreast of his life. The transition from discontent and reproaches to a peaceful conversation contributes to the return of former mutual understanding.

Emotional problems

Such difficulties occur for various reasons. These could be illnesses, constant stress in professional activities, problems with children or loved ones, and so on. Constant nervous tension within a couple can lead not only to discord, but also to illness.

To return to a peaceful life, it is important to learn how to calmly conduct a dialogue. In such a situation, both spouses should meet each other halfway.

Difficulties in a professional environment should be left outside your own walls, without transferring your anger to your partner.

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Struggle for leadership

If the roles in the couple were initially distributed incorrectly, then over time the dissatisfaction of one of the spouses or both at the same time will begin to grow. Often ladies behave irrationally in the family, taking on male responsibilities, making decisions for two. After which it seems to them that the husband does not seek to take responsibility.

This may be so, but most likely, such behavior was caused by the actions of the lady, and the husband only gave in in this situation. The husband simply accepted this fact. That is, if a wife chooses a masculine style of behavior, then in order not to fight with her and demonstrate his dominance, the man takes a passive position in the couple.

A woman should learn to ask her husband for help, and not unquestioningly insist on her own, or speak to him in a commanding tone.

A man himself loves to feel useful. Requests made in a soft voice will be better fulfilled than harsh orders. You should not try to take away the dominant position from your husband; let him manage the family, and the wife can quietly guide him.

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Finding compromises

The desire of a lady to be a leader in a couple can cause her disappointment in her gentleman, who adapts to her, trying to save the family. In such a situation, it often comes to a break in the relationship.

It is advisable to reconsider your actions before such a threat arises. But if thoughts about divorce appear, then the wife should think about how to improve her relationship with her husband in order to avoid the impending crisis of family relations.

It is impossible to change a person by violent means, but you can force him to do some things differently by changing your own behavior towards your husband.

60% of couples break up due to inability to negotiate

The desire to find a compromise must be mutual. It doesn’t matter who is to blame for the unpleasant situation, it is more important to find a way out of it. Mutual concessions can direct communication in the right direction.

Treason

Many couples experience betrayal. It is difficult to say for which spouse this is more typical. But it rarely happens that the cheating spouse is solely to blame. Most likely, the second half is also involved in the emergence of a “third wheel”.

Regular conflicts and lack of a normal intimate life often become the cause of betrayal. Not every family is able to survive this event. It is important to understand the reasons for betrayal, and the attitude of the traitor himself to this.

How to move on after cheating? What is important here is the man’s attitude towards the committed act. If he admits that he is to blame and asks to forgive him, then this is a good sign. But you shouldn’t forgive him immediately. An insufficiently negative reaction to his act may lead to a repetition of the offense.

If you stop going to the left completely, then there is a chance to restore a trusting relationship. Eliminating the cause of a spouse’s betrayal helps to restore harmony in family life.

After the birth of a child, many women develop complexes about their appearance. In fact, appearance is not as important as a woman’s attitude towards herself. If she is not able to accept and love her own changed body or her husband does not like her appearance at all, then she needs to take care of herself.

It is possible to return a faded sexual desire if the reasons for its disappearance can be eliminated. The woman is probably unwell and needs to be examined by a specialist. The presence of mental difficulties is also a serious factor that requires correction.

Birth of a child

Often a long-awaited child, who was supposed to make the family happy and unite, is the reason that the life of the spouses begins to collapse. For what reason can this happen, and how to improve relationships after the birth of a child?

It can be especially difficult for young families. Not only are they still getting used to each other, but also a new family member appears who requires constant attention. Spouses do not yet really know their own responsibilities, and this can become an obstacle to creating a strong family union.

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Most often, the husband becomes the “weak link” in this case. The constant crying of a child, a tired, exhausted wife, mountains of diapers, an abandoned life, throw the new dad out of balance. He increasingly tries to stay longer at work or go to his friends. This leads to anger and resentment of the wife, who does not understand what to do now. Naturally, what may follow is a deterioration in the sexual relationship in the couple, and even betrayal.

The source of these difficulties often lies in women's behavior. A new mother spends all her time with her child, who becomes the center of her attention. A man, deprived of his previous care, begins to perceive his child as a rival. The result is the emergence of serious problems.

In this case, the woman will have to think about establishing a relationship with her husband. A man should not be deprived of attention. There should not be a feeling that with the birth of a child, the wife’s love has gone away, turning into a habit, and the intimate sphere will never be the same. You need to find time to arrange a romantic dinner or surprise for your spouse. Don’t forget to take an interest in a man’s life outside the home.

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High expectations

More and more people have recently begun to wonder how to save relationships. Psychology says that most people try to imagine themselves, when meeting a person they like, from a better side than they really are. After which your partner may have high expectations about your character. Showed gallantry on all dates, but when you lived together, you started throwing socks all over the house and drinking beer every evening? A rather cliched example, but it fits perfectly. If you want to avoid this in the future, be sure to introduce yourself when meeting someone only as the person you really are. Then the girl will be able to love you not for your fake character, but for something else.

Gratitude

You quickly get used to good things. Sometimes we lose the feeling of euphoria that a relationship gave us at the very beginning because we simply forget why we fell in love with that person. An all-consuming routine sometimes obscures from us the main reason - that this person is completely special, that he once conquered us, that it was not without reason that we decided to share our lives with him. So, take a break from everything temporary and think about how wonderful your lover is! You will understand that in fact, everything is not bad for you at all, and you should not wait for a special invitation to happiness: everything is in your hands, and the comfort in your relationship depends on you.

Complex nature

Sometimes you just get into a relationship with a person with a very complex character who is not able to tolerate some of the actions of his partner. Most often this happens when the relationship involves partners with a large age difference. For example, if a 25-year-old guy finds himself a 16-year-old girl, then she will have to come to terms with a lot, since her character is still in constant development. The guy will never accept the erroneous worldview with which he himself lived as a teenager, so the girl will have to be flexible and adapt to her gentleman. However, there are also those individuals who categorically refuse to change for the sake of their loved one. Because of this, a break in the relationship may well occur. The man will simply find a more flexible girl, and the proud person will remain alone.

Reasons for divorce

All married couples are completely different, with their own traditions and stories. If a marriage is falling apart at the seams, this trouble can be caused by various reasons. A psychologist will tell you what to do to prevent family breakdown. Experts analyzed the prerequisites leading to the end of a marriage. In their opinion, the main reasons for divorce are:

Treason. It can break even the strongest relationships, destroy even the strongest love. In former times, women were convinced that men were polygamous, that they were hunters by nature, they needed a new object of passion for self-affirmation, that there was no man who would not go to the left at least once. But for a modern woman, even the slightest affair with her chosen one is a reason to end all relationships with him, even if you have lived together for many years. The situation may worsen if the partner becomes infected with a sexually transmitted disease or HIV infection.
Alcohol and drug addiction. Few spouses are willing to put up with the addictions of their loved one for a long time. In addition to these two addictions, two more have been added in our time - computer and gaming (gambling).
No children. If a husband or wife does not want or due to health reasons cannot leave offspring, separation can be predicted for this couple. Even if one of the spouses is infertile, it is not the disease itself that leads to divorce, but a categorical reluctance to correct the situation, for example, through adoption.
Partners are incompatible. This doesn't just apply to characters. Any disagreements can lead to a breakup, for example, if spouses have different national, religious, political beliefs, or they have different views on the process of raising children.
Material problems. Especially if one of the spouses refuses to look for work. Interesting fact: a couple of decades ago, women feared that they might be left alone, without the financial support of their husband, with a child. Modern ladies have adapted socially; they have no need to hold on to a boring marriage. Women often make successful careers and solve problems themselves. Becoming a nanny for an adult man is not part of their plans.
Inability of spouses to cope with difficulties. This often occurs in young families. A young husband and wife find themselves unprepared for everyday difficulties, especially if the reason for marriage was the bride’s pregnancy. A child is born and caring for him leads to a breakup. Another reason for divorce after the birth of a baby is the situation when the new mother devotes all her time to the child, and the husband has not gotten used to the new role and does not perceive himself as a father.
Intervention by third parties. Relatives and friends, imposing their opinions on how to live on the family, with their advice destroy the harmony within the marriage, thereby forcing the spouses to separate.
Couples who have been married for decades face another problem: grown children leave the house, and a void is created. If the spouses stayed married only for the sake of the children, after they began to live independently, the need to preserve the family disappears.
Illness or disability of a husband or wife can also lead to divorce if the healthy spouse does not find the strength and courage to cope with the difficulties that have arisen.
The use of physical or mental violence also leads to divorce.
Intimate problems. If one or both spouses are dissatisfied with intimate relationships in marriage, this will inevitably lead to the breakdown of the family.

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How to save a relationship with your loved one?

Finally, we have come to the main question of the article, which will allow us to figure out how to save a couple that is on the verge of breaking up. In the following sections you will find a lot of useful information describing popular techniques that allow you to preserve or return old feelings. Such methods are suitable for both married people and a young couple who have recently started dating. If you choose the right technique for yourself and learn to use it perfectly, then you will never again have the question of what to do if your relationship is on the verge of breaking up.

How to save your family

If the causes of crises are clear to you and you are ready to put up with this situation, then it is necessary to save your family. To do this, you need to try to understand that your partner is the same person as you. And he is characterized by the same emotions.

A psychologist's advice on how to save a marriage will definitely help you:

Talk to your partner. It is important to immediately voice your problems out loud, and not accumulate them by thinking alone. Maybe your significant other doesn’t even understand how bad you feel, and you’re already getting ready to get a divorce. Talk directly about your desires, problems, and look for a joint solution. Sometimes it is very important to agree on any issue in family life so that your partner knows that only together you can solve family problems. Remember that if you get used to doing something without regard to your husband or wife, then he (or she) will behave the same way. In addition, the illusion of togetherness and coexistence is lost. And it is very important for the development of marriage relationships.

If your partner is not inclined to frankness, teach him from the very beginning of marriage to discuss everything related to family life. And then he will get used to the fact that you always do this together.

Don't reproach or conflict. In conflicts and quarrels that become harbingers of a crisis, both are always to blame. Therefore, it is stupid to constantly “pull the blanket over yourself.” If there are two people in a relationship, then it is quite logical that two should answer. Don't think that you are always right about everything. It doesn't happen that way. And, even if your other half behaves, in your opinion, completely inappropriately, this is only the effect of what preceded all this. Is he being rude? This means that you have already allowed this to happen. They didn’t say out loud very seriously that such behavior is unacceptable in a relationship with you. Is she always busy? Doesn't provide you with the comfort you needed before? Or maybe you yourself are not doing anything to earn extra money for family needs? And she is forced to work part-time? Therefore, she simply has no time to make you feel comfortable.

Conflict will never solve family problems. It only aggravates them and leads to rupture. Therefore, avoid quarrels and reproaches by all means. Just start talking.

Distribute responsibilities. From the very beginning of your marriage, strive to ensure that each spouse has their own affairs. And don't do your partner's business. If you want to help with something, do it together, not for each other. For example, a woman looks after the house, but she will not lift weights or carry potatoes from the market. And this is the law. If something is violated, feel free to speak up immediately so that this does not happen in the future. And sometimes a woman herself admits that her husband is lazy, does something for him, and when this becomes excessive, she begins to be indignant and lament: “Why am I doing everything? How can you?". But she herself once allowed this to happen! There is something that both of them relate to. These are the responsibilities for raising and educating children. There should be no compromises like “I make money, and you look after the child.” Children are a shared responsibility, so both father and mother are equally responsible for their development.

It is best to distribute responsibilities at the very beginning of the marriage and forever. Then there will be no temptation to say that it was not so at first! If you still haven't done this early on, try to negotiate later. But we must do this only together.

Avoid discussing family problems with friends and relatives. Husband and wife, one of Satan. It is no coincidence that they say this. Your family is just your family. You cannot make family troubles the property of all relatives, much less acquaintances and friends. Often at the very beginning of marriage, especially wives love to complain about their husbands’ mistakes to their mom and dad. Offended by this attitude of their son-in-law towards their precious daughter, the parents begin to interfere in family affairs and thereby make the situation even worse. Or the wife may begin to reprimand her father-in-law and mother-in-law about how bad their son is for this reason and that. No man will tolerate this. In addition, you yourself made your choice of spouse. You knew the person with whom you connected your life (and if you didn’t know well, these are your personal problems, not your parents’). Therefore, express all complaints only to each other, and not to your relatives, who, as a rule, cannot behave adequately and not interfere in your family affairs.

Nobody likes to be discussed behind their back. Therefore, your partner, upon learning about this, will certainly be dissatisfied and angry. And especially because his relatives are a priori dear people to him. But you, maybe not so much yet. Therefore, always be careful in your statements.

Show interest in your partner's affairs. Sometimes people, preoccupied with the burden of everyday problems, completely forget about simply asking how the other half is doing at work, with friends, etc. And this is an important component of family relationships. So, the husband does not ask his wife if she is happy with her job, maybe she has problems? The wife is not interested in her husband’s fishing or hunting, but this is his favorite hobby. There is no need to dive into the details of your partner’s hobbies. But just finding out how the fishing went, what you liked, watching photos or videos together (men love to take pictures of their trophies) will not be difficult. This will certainly create the illusion of interest and have a beneficial effect on the development of relationships. Ask him how he got to work. Ask her how her colleagues appreciated her new dress. And the effect is obvious. Both will be happy.

Interest starts with little things. Even if it seems insignificant to someone, you still show it towards your partner. But only so that it does not take the form of a daily interrogation, but is appropriate. You know your loved one, so you will understand when it is necessary to inquire about his affairs, and when it is better not to touch.

Change your surroundings. If you feel that your relationship is reaching a dead end, or a crisis is looming, spend a vacation together. Take vacations together as often as possible. Even a short weekend spent together can change your relationship. During such events it will be just the two of you. Problems and worries will recede away. You won't think about everyday things and neither will your partner. You will have the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other. There you can look good and again remind your spouse of the times when you were carefree and happy. Any change of environment has a beneficial effect on relationships and a reboot in them. If you have children and you decide to restore your former passion, leave the children with one of your relatives during your vacation or vacation. And go together. Be surprised and rejoice at everything as if for the first time.

It is best to go to a place where you have never been together. Or, on the contrary, to a place where you have been often. In the first case, your sensations will be new. In the second, you will have a chance to walk to romantic places and remember happy days. This also helps a lot.

Take time for yourself. In the rhythm of family life and solving family problems, you most likely often do not pay attention to yourself. It's a pity. The truth has long been known: a person cannot be interesting and someone can like him if he does not like himself and is not interesting to himself. Change your image. Always pay attention to how you look. Get passionate about something. Look for something new constantly. Then your partner will never get bored with you. And you will not be afraid of problems in the form of the monotony of everyday life.

Just don’t do all this feignedly during a crisis in a relationship. These things are noticeable. Let this become the principle of your life. Behave like this all the time. Once you find a passion, you may be distracted and look at your family life differently.

Shared memories. This does not mean that you are in a crisis, but that you took out an album with photographs and every day invite your partner to look at the photos together. Just, if you, for example, are walking somewhere, pay attention to those places that are memorable in your family. Easily refer to the past where you were happy. Try to make such moments organically woven into your conversations. Enjoy the past together. Remember funny situations from your shared time together when you felt good. It's refreshing and a reminder that you as a couple have a right to happiness, because you were happy. If the crisis is progressing with all its might and you hardly talk, remember the good days in the presence of mutual friends, acquaintances, and relatives. This way, your partner will still remember it, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

It will be good if at the beginning of your marriage you start a special photo album where you will post not only photographs, but also jointly written comments on them. There everyone will write down their impressions and leave love notes. And then you can return to them again. What is written in one’s own hand (and even with a photo) is perceived completely differently.

Gratitude. This is what everyone lacks in a relationship. Often people, having lived together for a certain period of time, forget how important it is to feel that you are grateful simply for existing. Not to mention that there are reasons for gratitude that you just need to understand and learn to appreciate. For example, you don’t have enough money, and your partner takes on extra work to make it easier to solve financial problems. And you take it for granted instead of somehow making his life easier, or at least just being sincerely grateful and showing it in every possible way. Don't forget about the little things. Give your partner compliments and surprise him with little surprises. Just be careful about who you go through life with.

Anyone who sees and feels gratitude from a partner will definitely try to reciprocate. And if you begin to please your spouse with his favorite buns and buns, baked with your own hands, then he will choose gifts for you and make surprises with special care.

Family psychologist. Your relationship is on the verge of divorce and nothing is helping? Then, if you are determined to save your family, contact a specialist. Try to convince your partner that this will definitely help. Ask for help from those he trusts (if he categorically refuses to visit a psychologist). The specialist will figure it out, understand the essence of the problems and disagreements you have, and assess the degree of risks. A psychologist's advice on how to restore a relationship with a husband on the verge of divorce will be more effective when he works with each of you individually.

Turn on self-monitoring mode

It’s hard to imagine something more terrible than an offended woman who began to spill out the power of her emotions. She takes out all the accumulated negativity on her lover and doesn’t even allow him to catch his breath, after which she wonders why her man is leaving for someone else. Yes, it is extremely undesirable to keep everything to yourself, but if you want to save your marriage, then you should take a short break and not blame your soulmate for all mortal sins. Yes, finding a flaw in yourself can be extremely difficult, but in most cases, both parties are to blame for the breakdown of a relationship. In addition, it may be much more difficult for a man to cope with a large number of strong emotions, since their psyche is much weaker.

Where to begin

First of all, you need to analyze the situation and understand whether the relationship is worth saving. Some things you just have to run away from - from despotism, psychological and physical violence, from alcohol and drug addiction.

In other cases, it’s worth considering whether everything is really that bad. Remember what happened at the very beginning of the relationship. What attracted the person, what admired him, made him forget about others. Think about what has disappeared from the relationship, what has changed in it. Try to look at the situation through the eyes of your partner. After all, in family discord, both parties are always to blame.

Forgive your loved one for past mistakes

If you don’t want to one day lead your relationship to collapse, then stop reminding your significant other about the mistakes you’ve made. Yes, you were once inflicted with severe pain as a result of a rash act, but you should not remind your partner of this every time the opportunity arises, since such relationships become extremely uncomfortable over time. Understand the fact that you yourself are far from an angel. Yes, perhaps you don’t have such negative experiences behind you as your other half, but everyone has their shortcomings. Try to notice only the good in each other, and then you will have a chance to start your relationship from scratch.

Reasons for separation

"Silence is gold". But not in relationships. If you don’t have a heart-to-heart talk, hush up what you don’t like about someone else, what and how you would like to receive from him, don’t voice your feelings and needs... then this is a path to nowhere. This point is perhaps the most important of the entire list, as it determines a lot. This problem is especially relevant for women who like to pretend to be a “riddle”, which, in their opinion, a man must solve. This is a losing position in advance, since men only understand what is said directly. Silence leads to misunderstanding of each other and, as a result, separation.
Rejection of the partner for who he is, and constant attempts to change him. This happens when a man or woman falls in love not with a person, but with the image that they “attached” to him. During the period of euphoria, reality is blurred, we cannot see many things, and then we disappointingly state, “You have changed, you were not like that.” Yes, I was! He was and remains the same. You just saw him differently, but now you have seen the light. What to do? Either accept or say goodbye. There is no third.
Sexual incompatibility. For example, a girl loves romance, and a man is a fan of BDSM. Their interests here are represented by two seemingly incompatible extremes. But this does not mean that these people cannot be together. Both have a language, which means they can agree. The main thing is to remember point No. 1.
Different levels of development - spiritual, intellectual. When young people meet, they are at approximately the same stage of internal development (otherwise, they would not be interested in being together). Over time, one of them may move forward, while the other partner remains in an immature position. The larger the gap, the quieter they hear each other.
Finance. Most often, the money issue arises when a woman begins to attract a man (if they already live together and have a common budget). Of course, there are also the opposite situations, but less often.

It also happens: in a couple there is one specific problem that drags down all the others. For example, some of you are not satisfied with sex, but there is no way to say so - it’s embarrassing, scary, uncomfortable. Sexual dissatisfaction entails mental discomfort and betrayal. You get irritated, find fault out of nowhere, your loved one reacts according to the principle of a mirror, answering you in the same way. As a result, people disagree with the wording “They didn’t get along,” although they all just needed to talk openly about their sexual preferences.

Share interests with your loved one

A strong relationship occurs when both partners promote the same interests and values. Try to remember how long ago you were doing the same thing as your spouse. Perhaps it's time to join him during a video game. Or just sit next to him and watch him make something with his own hands. Hubby disappears all the time fishing? Buy a few beers and pizza and go with him. At first, such activities will seem extremely ridiculous and funny to you, but if your spouse appreciates your enthusiasm properly, he will begin to look at your relationship from a different perspective. And if you really get involved in the business that your lover is doing, then there will be no limits to mutual happiness.

Learn to rely and trust

How to save a relationship with your husband that is on the verge of collapse? Try to learn to trust your lover, because he can feel on a subconscious level when you have shown distrust of him. Such relationships turn into living with an enemy who constantly keeps his soulmate at gunpoint and does not allow her to relax. Learn to show trust even in the most difficult situations. If your significant other wanted to cheat on you, they would probably find a way to do it without you suspecting anything. Also learn to rely on your lover, because a man always likes to feel like a supporter in the family and to see how his woman believes in him.

React to expressions of feelings

How can you save a relationship with your loved one when there is mutual trust between you? Perhaps the reason for the fading of feelings lies in the inability of one of the lovers to correctly accept gifts and compliments. Perhaps it is worth understanding that not only diamonds and bouquets of hundreds of roses are worthy of admiration. If your boyfriend selflessly looked after you when you were sick, be sure to thank him and do not take such an act for granted. Any displays of gallantry, care and attention must be properly appreciated, otherwise the man will feel that he doesn’t really need your attention. Even a small thing can be noted and some kind of reciprocity can be shown. Did your boyfriend run to the store in the middle of the night to buy Belgian waffles for you? Be sure to hug him and tell him how good and kind he is. Mutual gratitude carries enormous weight in modern relationships.

Flirting

How long have you been flirting with each other? Probably sometime at the very beginning. Remember how great, interesting and exciting it was! In fact, flirting is the most important engine of a relationship with a man always, not just at the beginning. His time is never up. People are adventurous, and flirting teases them and keeps them interested, which is extremely important if you have experienced some cooling off. So, try acting like you did back in the day when you barely knew each other. Small notes, both timid and daring, miniskirts, gifts and tokens of attention... Even if you have been married for many years, it’s never too late to throw out the extra reflective garbage from your head and pick up the old stuff.

Stop complaining all the time

What to do if the relationship is on the verge of breaking up? Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that you constantly complain to your loved ones about how bad your spouse is? Sometimes it’s quite nice to buy a bottle of wine so that you and your friend can wash your soulmate’s bones. Where would you be without your mother’s warm breast, where you can always cry? However, be extremely careful in this regard. If you are constantly looking for outside support, throwing mud at your soulmate, then unkind rumors about your spouse will gradually spread throughout the world, spreading like a plague. Sooner or later, someone close to you will get into your relationship, and then there will be trouble. Who wants to tolerate a spouse who constantly talks about you behind your back in a negative context. Therefore, we strongly recommend giving up this bad habit of constantly complaining.

At first it may be extremely difficult for you to restrain yourself, but psychologists have come up with a rather interesting trick that allows you to release negative emotions without harming anyone. Write down all the bad things you think about your husband on a piece of paper, and then be sure to burn it. It sounds simple, but this method is very effective. Over time, you will give up on him too, because you yourself will learn to see only the positive sides in your lover.

Become an outlet for your significant other

Many people start relationships precisely so that they always have someone to rely on and someone to talk to in difficult times. A real wife knows how not only to cook borscht and make dumplings, but also to support her lover in time if he is worried about problems at work. The true and irreplaceable woman is the one who always understands her other half perfectly and supports her in difficult times. No man wants to leave a relationship in which he is comfortable.

You must learn to inspire your lover to various achievements in one area or another, remaining faithful and devoted even at the moment when the rest of the world simply turns away from him. Become a real muse for him that will inspire him every morning. To do this, it is not at all necessary to be a vest for him, into which he can cry if something happens. You just need to be able to choose the right words in difficult times. Perhaps the man will not even understand that he was inspired by you, but his subconscious will never allow him to commit a rash act by breaking off relations with you.