Do men suffer after divorce?
Compared to women, there is a significant difference in how men cope with divorce. They are less adapted to loneliness. However, men do not tend to show their feelings, so it is much more difficult for them to cope with divorce psychologically. After a marriage ends, men experience many disappointments. At first, freedom becomes the reason for high spirits.
The “newly made” bachelor feels absolutely happy. How a man's life changes after a divorce:
- First, the dejected mood disappears.
- Enthusiasm and new strength emerge.
- There are no regrets about separating from my wife.
- Feels that he did everything right and this is the best way out of the current situation.
- Doesn't feel guilty. Especially when the wife often caused scandals, the man believes that the ex-wife got what she deserved. If she was still prudent, then he can try to make amends financially. The man is sure that with this he will atone for his guilt.
- He does not remember married life; such thoughts irritate him.
- There is no fear of the life ahead. The man is confident that he will not make any more mistakes.
Divorce through the eyes of a man is liberation from boring guardianship. From a psychological point of view, this is a previously experienced situation. Boys begin to separate themselves from their mother at the age of 5–7 years. Gradually they try to free themselves from maternal care, and, having matured, from marriage ties if family relationships are unsuccessful.
There is a significant difference when young people dissolve marriage bonds and the psychology of men after a divorce at 40 years old. In the first case, everything is less painful. Young people quickly find new life partners. After 40 years, many men try to return to their ex-wife after a divorce. The reason lies in reality, which turns out to be not as rosy as expected, and the strength is no longer the same as in youth.
In the first 12 months after the divorce, a man is sure that now a beautiful, caring, devoted and loving woman will definitely pay attention to him. He is waiting for amazing sex, strong emotions and new sensations. Partially these dreams come true.
Then there comes a period when new relationships usually do not live up to their expectations, cease to bring joy and lead to another disappointment.
How long men go through a divorce depends on the reasons that caused it. There are five stages through which a “newly minted” bachelor goes:
- Negatives. The man does not believe that he is free, it turns out that he is at a crossroads and subconsciously is not yet ready for a new life.
- Anger. A man cannot quickly restore a full life, especially if there is no permanent woman nearby, and the expected passionate sex is missing.
- Bargain. This stage is short-lived. The man begins to wonder whether he should return to his ex-wife. He has experienced all the delights of a lonely existence, and wants to resume his previous relationship. However, such thoughts come in flashes and quickly evaporate.
- Depression. This is the most dangerous period. The man begins to experience depression, a dark streak in his life. This condition is aggravated if new romantic relationships do not begin in the first three years.
- Acceptance. This is the recovery stage. She helps to throw away the past and finally start a new life. The man stops worrying about the breakup of the marriage, and the negative attitude towards this fact and his ex-wife disappears.
- During this entire time (until it reaches the stage of acceptance), divorced people sometimes behave strangely and do things that they do not expect from themselves.
School of Relationships for Women
I continue to analyze your questions that came to me for consideration. Today we will look at the following question: “Why does a man, living alone for the last 2 years, not divorce his ex-wife? He says that everything is finished there. He says that there is simply no time to go and fill out the documents. Is it laziness, or is it a reluctance to stir up old things? Maybe it's a reluctance to upset yourself? Or maybe he’s hoping for something there?”
Well, let's figure it out.
First of all, I can tell you right away that you have made a real mess out of your question! Your first mistake is that you threw this, and this, and this into your question. It turned out to be a real vinaigrette!
You need to learn to consider each vinaigrette ingredient individually. The more questions you mix together, the harder it will be for you to understand each individual issue. Do you remember? 
Go ahead. Let's start looking at the individual ingredients...
“Why doesn’t he, living alone, divorce his ex-wife?”
Why should he, living alone, divorce his ex-wife? Do you think that if a man no longer lives with a woman and does not divorce her, then there is some deep meaning here that you do not understand?
Calm down, calm down!
The real reason is that he doesn't need a divorce right now . Therefore, he may simply not want to do this. He's just not in the mood for it right now. Laziness, how correctly you write.
A man at a given moment in time wants to live exactly this way. For some reason you don’t accept this in him. And if you don’t accept, it means you’re making one common female mistake - you don’t accept a man for who he is .
Why a man should be accepted as he is is not the topic of today’s conversation. Just understand that this is a very important condition! Without complete and total acceptance of a man, it is impossible to build a successful relationship with him. Dot.
“Is it laziness or reluctance to stir up old things?”
Most likely - laziness. Do not attach undue importance to this situation! Don't look for deep meanings and undercurrents! Everything is much, much simpler!
“Maybe he’s hoping for something there?”
Maybe - he hopes. Or maybe he doesn’t hope. We do not know. We know for sure that now from his behavior we can say that he is comfortable with this today.
A common female mistake is as follows. The woman sees a couple of signs of something there, takes them into account and begins to complete the construction of a castle in the air in her imagination. Moreover, this castle, depending on the woman’s mood, can be pink or black.
My advice to you is to relax about the current situation and just move on. Don't worry and don't speculate. Let the situation develop in the way it needs. Don’t force things and don’t try to bend this world to you. Because otherwise you will be greatly disappointed...
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Master classes that will teach you to better understand men:
“HOW TO LIVE WITH A MAN IN PERSONALITY”
“HOW TO NOT MAKE A MISTAKE IN CHOOSING A MAN”
“MYTHS ABOUT MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS”
And also take a closer look at the training program
“5 STEPS TO YOUR MAN”
How a man behaves after a divorce
The stronger sex does not feel guilty for breaking up a relationship - this is the psychology of a man after a divorce, if he is the initiator. Often relationships with ex-spouses become tense and even hostile. Cases of friendship are rare. Usually, a marriage breaks up when another woman appears on the horizon or the relationship goes wrong, and the marriage bond begins to be perceived as a “noose.”
Regardless of the initiator of the divorce, some men like to take revenge, just like women - calling them on false dates, sharing explicit photos, etc. any reaction from the ex-wife will only inflame them. Many men, having spent their time in restaurants, tired of casual relationships and left alone, suddenly realize how good it was at home. Plans begin to be developed on how to return to the family.
Most men go through depression after divorce. Divorce leaves a minimally unpleasant feeling. Some men even cry, for months at a time, but cannot find solace in the arms of others.
Reasons why ex-spouses live together
The divorce was fictitious
The concept of a fictitious marriage is known to many, but the concept of a fictitious divorce is not particularly widespread. However, sometimes spouses divorce to resolve some financial and housing issues, but at the same time they preserve their family and continue to live together. For example, their total income does not allow them to receive any subsidies, subsidies or other social support measures.
Such a family is practically no different from a family in which the marriage has not been dissolved. As a rule, others do not even know that the spouses have divorced. Such a divorce does not affect children in any way. However, one must understand that such cohabitation is not a marriage, and therefore is not protected by law in any way.
The divorce was hasty and thoughtless
Typically, such a divorce occurs between young spouses without children. In the heat of a quarrel, they threaten each other to file for divorce and actually submit an application to the registry office. In order not to “lose face,” they go and file a divorce, but in fact have no intention of truly separating.
Such couples continue to live together and sometimes remarry, for example, in the event of pregnancy. For mature couples who already have children, such divorces practically never happen. Firstly, they value family more and strive to preserve it, and secondly, divorce with children is possible only in court.
And the court always provides time for reconciliation, so by the time of the divorce process, spouses who have no real intention to divorce will have time to change their minds.
Divorced spouses have nowhere to live separately
This happens if the family lived in a small apartment or even a room, the division of which would not allow purchasing housing for each of the spouses.
Or the housing is registered in the name of a minor child and therefore cannot be divided between the spouses, since they are not the owners. Or the family does not have their own housing at all, only rented one, and they cannot afford to rent housing for each spouse separately.
If the housing issue comes down to the reluctance of one of the spouses to share the jointly owned living space, then it can be resolved by going to court.
Divorced spouses do not want to advertise their new marital status for some reason
For example, in order not to traumatize the psyche of an elderly or seriously ill relative, spouses end family relationships and only share shelter with each other. With the normal organization of life and neighborhood, the relationship between former spouses resembles the relationship between those living in a communal apartment.
If they do not have children, then they can easily coexist peacefully next to each other. Having children will complicate the situation, since a clear change in the quality of the relationship will be noticed by him and will raise many questions.
The appearance of family is maintained for the sake of the child
This is not always correct. Sometimes it is easier for a child to cope with the stress of learning that his parents have divorced and will no longer live together than to witness a “cold war” day after day between his closest people. The child sensitively perceives that a different relationship is developing between his mother and father than it was before - without love, trust, and mutual assistance. The child begins to delve into himself, feels guilty for the parents’ cooling towards each other. This leads to various child health disorders. Therefore, the supposedly humane preservation of the family “for the sake of the children” is in fact very undesirable, since the harm from such preservation is much greater than the benefit.
Cohabitation meets the needs of joint business
Ex-husband and wife have a chance to become reliable business partners for each other in such a situation. For example, a family’s business is based at their place of residence - a mini-poultry farm, a farm, a beauty salon, a store, a pet hotel, etc. Family relationships may exhaust themselves, but partnerships will survive.
Therefore, a divorce will provide an opportunity to re-arrange your personal life without losing either your business or your profits.
However, each couple living together after a divorce has its own reason.
How quickly do men get married after divorce?
The psychology of men after a divorce from their wife gradually comes down to the idea that all women are the same. After a divorce, a bachelor rarely marries quickly, fearing a repeat of the previous unsuccessful attempt. During this period, he needs affection, tenderness, attention, sympathy. He starts going to clubs, meeting friends, and starting non-binding relationships. As soon as a man feels that a woman is beginning to control him, this leads to rejection and even rupture of the new relationship.
For the first two years, a man persistently searches for a new “soul mate.” He is sure that the new way of life will be radically different from the previous one. However, time passes and everything repeats itself, as in the first marriage.
It often gets worse. After a series of disappointments, sexual dissatisfaction, a feeling of loneliness appears. After all the ordeals, 2 years after the divorce, the psychology of men changes. If your personal life is not settled during this time, then memories of your ex-wife and the good aspects of marriage begin to return. In this case, the man can try to return to the family.
However, they often live after this in a “civil marriage”. A divorced man usually enters into a real marriage approximately 5 years after the divorce. He needs this time to find a “half” that will suit him.
Before discussing whether men regret divorce, it is important to find out the reason for the breakup, the age of the spouses and who was the initiator. When feelings have cooled down and life together is no longer pleasing, then divorce will not cause depression, but, on the contrary, will “breathe life in.” In other cases, divorce can be very stressful for a man.
Carolina Korableva
About the author: Hello! I am Karolina Korableva. I live in the Moscow region, in the city of Odintsovo. I love life and people. I try to be realistic and optimistic in life. What I value in people is their ability to behave. I am interested in psychology, in particular conflictology. Graduated from RGSU, Faculty of Occupational Psychology and Special Psychology.
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