It is not always possible to come to a loved one who needs support. Of course, I want to be next to him, hug him and calm him down. But if a personal meeting will not take place soon, then all that remains is to contact him by phone or the Internet. Even from a distance, it is possible to calm a person, instill hope in him and relieve him of melancholy.
How to calm someone down with words?
Finding suitable words of support is not so difficult. On an intuitive level, we roughly understand what needs to be said and how to respond to the remarks of a person who has fallen into despondency.
Unfortunately, the lack of close contact complicates matters. If communication is carried out by correspondence, then there is no way to see the interlocutor’s face, evaluate the intonation of his voice, etc.
However, even without seeing the person, you can say the right words of support:
- Please tell us in detail what happened. An ideal phrase would be: “I appreciate you asking me for help. Unfortunately, I don't know all the details of your problem. Please tell me how and what happened. I'm ready to listen to you." Using these words, we solve several problems at once. First, we unobtrusively offer our help. Secondly, we make it clear that we care about the person. Thirdly, we find out the reason for the interlocutor’s bad mood;
- We respond adequately to a possible negative response . Not all people are ready to open up right away. Especially if the offense is too serious and the person is even ashamed to say how badly they treated him. Another reason is the reluctance to hear moral teachings. The interlocutor may decide that now you will begin to give recommendations on how to act in a difficult situation. This is why a person may say something like: “I have no desire to talk about this.” But there is no need to agree with him touchily. It’s better to write the following: “I can’t leave you in this state because I’m worried. I don't intend to teach you about life. After all, you are a smart and reasonable person. It's just that if you tell me, you'll feel better. You don't have to tell me some things. But still I want to know, at least in general terms, what happened to you”;
- We give a careful assessment of the experience , focus on the positive qualities of the interlocutor and, if necessary, advise how to solve the problem. When a person talks about an incident that upset him, he should write: “The situation is really difficult. But you did the right thing (you didn’t get confused, found the right words, didn’t give in to provocations, etc.). Have you already decided what to do next? If I were you, I would leave everything as it is for now (ask for help from colleagues, try to make peace, etc.).” It is important to note that we do not directly advise a person on what to do. We are only talking about our possible actions in a given situation. This is important because this way the phrase will not sound like a moral lesson and an attempt to impose advice.
Universal
In my own words
* * * I want you to know that even in this moment you are not alone. There are many like you. So many. You just don't know each other. And this confirms the fact that it can be survived! * * * To reach the goal, you must first go. If something happens, it means you are not standing still. This is just an event that happened along the road of life. Nothing just happens. * * * The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of making mistakes. * * * Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it. * * * There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create this well anywhere. * * *
* * * When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine. * * * When you really want something, the whole Universe will help make your wish come true. * * * You can only see what you believe in. Believe it and you will see. * * * To hell with everyone who doesn’t believe in you. Remember once and for all: self-confidence is the main incentive to achieve your goal. * * * If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t achieve anything. Therefore, avoid those who make you doubt your own abilities. * * * Do not waste your thoughts, emotions and feelings on unworthy people. * * * By helping others you improve your own life.
In verse
* * * While we are alive, we can fix everything... Realize everything, repent... Forgive. Do not take revenge on your enemies, do not be disingenuous on your loved ones, bring back the friends that you pushed away... While we are alive, we can look back... See the path from which we left. Having woken up from terrible dreams, push away from the abyss to which you have approached. While we are alive... How many have managed to stop loved ones from leaving? We didn’t have time to forgive them during our lifetime, but we couldn’t ask for forgiveness. When they go into silence, To a place from which there is definitely no return, Sometimes a few minutes are enough to understand - oh God, how guilty we are... And the photo is a black and white movie. Tired eyes - a familiar look. They have already forgiven us a long time ago For being around too rarely, For not calling, not meeting, not being warm. Not faces in front of us, just shadows... And how many times the wrong things were said, And about the wrong things, and with the wrong phrases. A tight pain - the final touch of guilt - Scratching, plaguing the skin with cold. For everything we haven't done for them, They forgive. We ourselves cannot... * * * When a tear drips from pain...
You sit quietly in silence... Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired... Tell yourself in private... I will be happy! Through thick and thin! * * * Yes, everyone is missing something... For some reason the snow is melting quickly, Then the morning comes late, Then there are not enough warm days. There's always something missing. But, living the rest of my days, Suddenly I see that there is no shortage of anything... just not enough years to stop being angry at life and enjoy it. * * * You don’t need to live to get to heaven, but you need to create heaven! Do not slander, do not betray, and do not steal the lives of others. It happens that an atheist, in his conscience, is closer to God than an artist, who is in a cassock for people... Since God is in the heart, then heaven is in the soul! And if it’s dark there, then you won’t be able to get into heaven anyway…
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TOP 7 prohibited phrases to calm down
The following words will only worsen a person’s state of mind:
- “A friend of mine actually had a real problem! But he copes with it successfully. Your problem is sheer nonsense!”;
- “You just need to calm down;
- “Try to distract yourself. Go in for sports (find a partner, take a walk, etc.)”;
- "Do not think about it";
- “You're too sensitive. You can’t react to every problem like that!”;
- "It's horrible! I can’t imagine how you can live with this now!”;
- “You just misbehaved. Next time, be sure not to be so hot-tempered (soft, inconsiderate, etc.).”
Losing a loved one
Parents
* * * Hold on! In memory of my mother. She wouldn't want to see you in despair. * * * The death of the closest person is an irreparable grief. I understand how difficult it is for you. Be strong in spirit. * * * The bright memory of her is forever in our hearts. She was a good person, you need to continue to carry out her mission. * * * We sincerely mourn and sympathize with you at this bitter moment. * * * We will carry the bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.
child
* * * Accept my condolences! There has never been anything more expensive or closer than him and there never will be. But in yours and in our hearts he will remain a young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!
* * * My condolences to you! You need to find the strength to survive these most difficult moments and difficult days. In our memory he will remain forever a good person! * * * Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this severe, irreparable loss! * * * For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love for life illuminate the emptiness and grief of loss for you, and help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember him forever! * * * It is very bitter to lose loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly difficult when the young, beautiful and strong leave us. May God rest his soul! * * * I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but are there such words on earth at all? Hold on for the sake of blessed memory. Everlasting memory!
Husband/wife
* * * Love does not die, the memory of it will always illuminate your heart. Just believe it! * * * A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be around. In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! Be strong! * * * The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for the rest of your life. Be strong! * * * I mourn with you at this difficult moment. But for the sake of the children, for the sake of loved ones, we need to get through these sorrowful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
Relatives
* * * My condolences! It hurts to think about it, it's hard to talk about. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory! * * * It’s little consolation, but know that we are with you in the grief of loss and sincerely sympathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory! * * * Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! Just as she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. May she rest in heaven!
Friends
* * * I know he meant a lot to you. They say that heaven takes the best. Let's believe in it and pray for his soul! * * * You were like sisters, I understand your feelings. I want to share this grief with you. How can I help you? You can always count on my support. * * * He was a good man. I understand how difficult it is for you now. Time heals wounds, you must be strong for your best friend. he wouldn't want you to become limp. * * * I am very sorry that this happened. I'm truly sorry! You hold on. Your friend is looking at you from the sky. Make him proud of you. For the sake of your friendship.
How to calm a person who is hysterical?
When you have to communicate by phone or via instant messenger with a person who has fallen into hysterics, you need to follow several rules:
- We calmly accept all his emotions. If necessary, we ignore even caustic remarks addressed to us;
- We are waiting for the main stream of words to dry up. A person in hysterics needs to speak out as much as possible. In correspondence you should indicate that you are listening to him carefully. Perfect phrases: “I understand you”, “Continue, I’m listening carefully”, “So what happened next?” Trying to give productive advice at the peak of hysteria is not worth it;
- When the acute phase is over, we offer real help, for example: “Is there anything I can do to help? If you want, I will try to come as soon as possible”;
- At the end of the dialogue, write something like this: “Try to lie down and rest for a while. If you feel bad again, call or write. I always have my phone with me. I’m ready to listen to you even at night.”
Animal death
Briefly in your own words
* * * Sorry. It's like losing a loved one. I understand you. Everything will be fine, hang in there. * * * Just believe that your dog is there, invisibly nearby. * * * I understand how you feel, time will pass and you will feel better. * * * You've had worse situations. And nothing, you did it! And you can handle it, I’m sure! * * * Everything will be fine! We will get through this together. * * * I see how dear he was to you, but continue to live.
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Find out and help a person who is feeling bad. For him, this is the same as losing a loved one.
Best communication method
If a person wants to cry and speak out, then correspondence in a messenger or social network is not the best option. Today, almost everyone has a smartphone with a video camera. Therefore, it is best to conduct a “psychotherapy session” via video conference.
A person is designed in such a way that it is easier for him to throw out accumulated emotions when he sees the face of his interlocutor and hears his voice. Plus, it’s much easier to blurt out your entire story in 5 minutes than to spend twice as much time writing text in a chat window.
However, it all depends on the interlocutor and the situation. If the problem is not that big and it is easier for a person to express his thoughts in text format, then it is better not to insist on video calling or talking on the phone.
To calm down a sad or hysterical person, you don’t have to be a psychologist. Usually it is enough to express a willingness to listen, not interrupt, and give a couple of careful tips that can improve the situation.
How to improve relationships with your younger or older sister?
Growing up, you and your sister separated, got married, had children. But when you meet at family celebrations, or when you visit your parents, treat each other as before. Because outside of established families, you remain the older and younger sister. Childhood grievances, previous quarrels and rules of communication are still fresh in memory. It is quite understandable that conflicts arise, since each of the sisters considers herself an adult and self-sufficient person.
How to improve your relationship with your younger sister? Accept it on equal terms. This is no longer the snotty girl you wiped the snot off as a child. My sister is an adult, and after twenty years, a small age difference does not matter. Stop lecturing and bossing your sister around. Imagine that in front of you is a friend, a work colleague. This approach will help you avoid quarreling and will make you closer, as there will be common topics for conversation.
How to improve your relationship with your older sister? Don't build relationships on memories. Your parents no longer leave your sister with you. You won’t have to endure tying your hair, going out with older friends, having your toys taken away, etc. Today you are adults building relationships in your families. A quarrel between sisters is not the best soil for raising children. Change your attitude towards your sister and the conflicts will end.
Offer help
Your initial task is not to understand the reason, but to help comfort your friend, mother, wife, in one word, your loved one. Of course, if we are not talking, for example, about a favorite series that is about to end. In this case, everything will soon return to normal without your intervention.
If the reason is more complex and you just can't stay away, then what should you do? Initially, show attention and care. Provide mediocre help and encouragement to the person.
Find out through a leading question what happened, then you will be able to correctly assess the situation. Donate your time and let the person talk, of course, if he wants to.
This is a very important point, we can say that your actions begin with it. This can be done as follows:
- Stay. You can't always console someone by talking; sometimes it's more important to just be there. It often happens that at the peak moment words do not work. In this case, your presence is much more effective. Be patient.
- Offer water. As a rule, drinking half a glass of cool water will make you feel relieved, it will help quench your thirst and catch your breath. Agree that it works.
- Offer a handkerchief or recommend washing with cool water. Here you yourself must navigate the situation. It’s stupid to ask a friend with painted eyelashes to wash her face; as a result, she may misunderstand your intentions. You may decide that you are demanding that you stop crying immediately.
To behave correctly, carefully observe the reaction to your words.
Depressed
In your own words
* * * Take my word for it that there is something to live for. You're just closed to it now. Time will pass, and life will gain color. Believe me, faith will help this fact happen faster. * * * Remember, it won’t always be like this. We'll still laugh out of this together. * * * Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it. Remember this whenever sadness wants to take over you. * * * Most people are as happy as they allow themselves to be. Give yourself permission to be happy.
In verse
Or maybe just get up on the other foot, And instead of coffee, take and drink juice... And turn your usual steps In the direction where it will be more useful...
And on this day, do everything wrong: Put numbers from end to beginning, And fill the most insignificant trifle with good and high meaning.
And do something that no one expects, And laugh where you cried so much, And the feeling of hopelessness will pass, And the sun will rise where the rain was dripping.
From the circle created by fate, Take it and jump out at the unknown station... You will be surprised - the world is completely different, And life is more unexpected and more interesting.
