What should you do if your lover behaves in an inappropriate manner? Of course, you can’t give up in such a situation. But you can take revenge by saying a few caustic words that will put the offender in his place. How to offend a man with words? Let's look into this issue on the blog.
The essence of the concept
Male self-esteem is formed throughout a man's life. A representative of the stronger sex is born to become a conqueror, protector and breadwinner. Nature created him strong and courageous, capable of finding a worthy partner for procreation, protecting her from the attacks of other suitors, and also providing the woman with a roof over her head and food for food. These functions are a priority for any male individual and do not depend on his upbringing and desires. Everything is inherent in a guy’s mind by nature, so the slightest violation of boundaries or ignoring his main functions on the part of a woman is met with hostility.
Basic types of behavior of a woman
There are two ways to hurt a man's pride. We are talking about conscious and unconscious provocation on the part of a woman. The first and second options are radically different from each other:
- Deliberate provocation. This is the style of behavior of a woman who tries to keep everything under control. She sees everything and understands perfectly well that the man is unpleasant with her comments or sarcastic clarifications. By doing this on purpose, the girl achieves the complete destruction of the man as an individual, in order to establish her own unspoken rules. A woman mistakenly believes that she can keep her husband close to her for a long period in this way. The man will consider himself completely dependent on her and will not go anywhere. You will have to disappoint the lady, because sooner or later the guy will find strength in himself and will definitely break out from under oppression. The only justification can be a situation where a woman did not value the relationship and deliberately hurt the man’s pride in order to break up as quickly as possible.
- Unintentional provocation. We are talking about the wrong behavior of a woman who is trying to increase her self-esteem at the expense of her partner. She is confident that she is right and does not notice the moment when she begins to cross the line of what is permitted. At the same time, the girl sincerely loves the guy and does not understand what exactly she is doing wrong. Most often, such relationships end in separation, and both partners experience severe disappointment. To prevent this from happening, you should consider the most common mistakes in the behavior of representatives of the fair sex.
Hurt pride
Each of the individuals is a person, represents something, has unique character traits and worldview. This is an absolute and indisputable fact. And yet human psychology includes some points that unite all people. Such features include pride, which is one of the characteristics of human character.
Is self-love good or bad? Psychologists give the following meaning to self-esteem: an individual’s defense of his social value, as well as relevance. In other words, self-love defines a character trait due to which an individual becomes smarter, more attractive, grows above himself, and maintains value in society.
Is self-love a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will answer this question for themselves. Some are inclined to believe that self-love is good, others that it is an illusion of one’s own superiority, leading to hyperbolization of one’s own “I”. One thing is clear that each individual has his own personal motivation and without respect, as well as self-love, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth is impossible. And negative statements, judgments, and indications of shortcomings negatively affect the personality, hurting self-esteem.
Each individual reacts to criticism differently: some feel guilty, some become aggressive, some have decreased self-esteem, some get very irritated, but in any case, criticism does not fall on deaf ears and deals a blow to self-esteem .
Not everyone can accept criticism with dignity due to their individual characteristics and character traits, but it is important to be able to correctly perceive constructive comments. If it so happens that a person has been subjected to an unreasonable offense, then psychologists advise accepting it as a fait accompli, drawing conclusions and moving on with life.
Humans are very sensitive to social approval. When he is praised, he grows in his own eyes; when he is criticized, it is the other way around. A proud individual builds a certain scale of values in his head and tries to achieve it with all his might. This is good when a person strives for goals that are useful for himself and society, and it is destructive behavior when an individual deliberately takes the path of degradation. It must be remembered that pride itself acts as a catalyst for actions and desires, but not the main reason.
It is sometimes very easy to offend a proud person. All you have to do is say one word
In this case, there is heightened self-esteem, when a person exclusively concentrates attention on satisfying his needs and desires; by and large, he is indifferent to those around him. Such excessive self-importance leads to egocentrism
The desire to be first is considered normal, healthy pride. A physically and mentally healthy person is always endowed with this quality. In this case, it is motivation for professional and personal success.
Vulnerable pride is observed in women, so you should not intentionally offend them, since you can forever lose your good relationship with them. Women react sharply to comments about their appearance, way of thinking, and behavior. In adulthood, people are especially sensitive to words of flattery and compliments, so it is sometimes better to remain silent than to tell a lie.
It is important for the fair sex to feel calm and comfortable, so it is better to refrain from directly expressing shortcomings. If such a need exists, then it is better to express it in private.
In this case, your hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will maintain normal relationships.
Mistake No. 1. Comments in front of strangers
To the question of how to hurt a man’s pride without even noticing it, there is one answer: constantly making comments to a guy in the presence of strangers. Some women naively believe that for better effect and motivation to act, a man needs to be shamed in front of friends or relatives. For example, a guy doesn’t bring in a very large salary or forgets (or doesn’t know how) to fix the plumbing in the house. The girl voices her complaints so that her partner feels ashamed, and upon returning home he literally starts troubleshooting or looking for a new job.
It's safe to say that a man would never do this. Even if he considers the remark to be true, agreement will infringe on his male pride. He will fundamentally and demonstratively do everything the other way around, since strangers have learned about his insolvency, and his other half has become the initiator of the whole action.
Hurt pride
Man is a unique and inimitable being. Even within their own society, each individual is a unique personality. We all have our own personal traits of appearance and character, a unique combination of qualities, advantages, and disadvantages. But at the same time, each person has something in common. In particular, we all have a sense of pride to one degree or another.
It is impossible to say unequivocally whether the very presence of pride is something good or bad. Psychologists consider this phenomenon as a special property of the human psyche, which allows an individual to preserve his individuality, things and qualities that are relevant to him. In other words, this is one of those properties that underlie an individual’s desire for development, self-improvement, and increasing his value in society.
But is the feeling of self-esteem really such a good incentive to work on yourself? In this matter, everything is not so simple, because the severity of pride and its manifestation in each individual is very unique. Some are inclined to believe that pride is a good reason for maintaining self-esteem in its adequate state, while others believe that it is nothing more than a negative quality that leads to an exaggeration of the importance of one’s own “I”. In any case, it is worth noting that both assumptions have a place to be, since pride is indeed capable of manifesting itself in various variations. Adequate self-esteem, as well as a positive assessment of others from the outside, contribute to more persistent self-improvement, but negative criticism, failures and condemnation can cause hurt pride.
In reality, not all of us can calmly tolerate negative comments about ourselves from the outside. All this depends on the character of the person, his beliefs and other unique factors of his psyche. Nevertheless, the ability to adequately perceive constructive comments, even if in a negative way, is a very important quality. We all react differently to comments in general: someone gets very irritated and starts a quarrel, denying them in every possible way, someone silently swallows the insult, someone’s self-esteem suffers greatly.
If you have become a victim of completely unfounded criticism or simply insult directed at you, then it is best to take the simple advice of psychologists: ignore, accept what the offender said as something that has already happened, move on with your life, without attaching much importance to such things, because they do not change you in any way and your personality. It is worth noting that in general, man is a social being and, therefore, is very dependent on social opinion. The slightest praise can elevate us in our own eyes, but criticism or insult can forever discourage further attempts to achieve something. In this case, pride should be considered as a kind of “catalyst” for decisions made and actions taken, but not as a motivation for their formation.
It is very easy to offend a person with inadequate, inflated pride. This is, in fact, their distinguishing feature. Sometimes one word is enough, even if it does not carry any intentional connotation or negative connotation, a narcissistic person is able to find them. At the same time, it is worth distinguishing between pride, which can lead to the development of egocentrism, and the desire to be first. The latter is a completely normal quality that is inherent in every person and should normally develop. Of course, if it does not go beyond the limits of adequacy.
How to avoid this mistake
Never voice your complaints in front of strangers, do not make comments, do not reprimand. Such behavior looks unworthy, since it insults not only the beloved man, but also all strangers. Nobody likes to be present at personal “showdowns”. A reasonable decision would be to praise your man or even attribute to him achievements that do not yet exist. For example, say (if asked about it) that the salary is still small, but the guy is doing everything to increase it. The man simply did not have time for broken plumbing; he will fix the faucet this coming weekend. Be sure that your beloved will try to justify the trust placed in him and will immediately begin to correct the situation.
Mistake No. 2. Ignoring a man’s decisions
If you constantly challenge or simply ignore the decisions of a representative of the stronger sex, a blow to male pride is guaranteed. A man always claims to be the head of the family, and this is normal according to all generally accepted canons. He is obliged to support his family and do the hardest work. But what to do if this function is constantly not performed by him, and the woman is forced to bear everything on herself? Even this serious situation does not give a woman the right not to listen to her partner’s point of view. If she neglects his advice and focuses only on her decisions, the guy will stop taking the initiative altogether. He will decide that he is being neglected as a man, and will go looking for those women from whom he can gain recognition.
Never argue with a man about his point of view and do not impose your ideas. He sees the situation in his own way and has every right to do so. If the guy’s proposal is absurd and there is no way to agree with him, you need to use all your feminine charm and tactfully offer your option. By loyally explaining all the benefits of your choice, you can get a stunning result. The guy will decide that this idea came to him. You shouldn’t disappoint him, let him think so, and you can give yourself an “excellent” for the wise behavior of a loving partner.
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself. A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body. Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner. Inappropriate overestimation of one’s abilities causes a distorted perception of one’s position in society
Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
Mistake #3: Remembering ex-lovers
A reaction that will clearly show that a man’s pride has been hurt will follow after the mention of a former lover. This can manifest itself in the form of upset, irritation and even aggression. Any man is an owner at heart, and it is terribly painful for him to realize that his woman was loved by other men. Memories that the previous one was good can provoke the emergence of inferiority complexes. Conversations about how bad things were with your ex-lover will be less painful, but still unpleasant. Constant comparisons will definitely lead to separation.
You should not voice your memories of something that has long passed, because it looks unconvincing. If it was so good with your ex, why aren't you still together? Or did his image become ideal after the breakup? You need to understand that such memories hurt your current partner and irritate his ego. Girls need to put themselves in their boyfriend’s shoes, and it is recommended to return to the past only when necessary. You won't be able to create healthy jealousy; you can only harm your current relationship.
Mistake #4: Making fun of men
Wounded male pride occurs due to ridicule from a woman. Each representative of the stronger sex has memories coming from childhood. He was small and didn’t know how to do much; he had to learn everything gradually. It's about strength, courage, experience. Today the guy wants to feel like a brave defender, and wants to forget periods of insolvency forever. That is why it is very painful for him to realize that the woman he loves sees his weaknesses. The man feels humiliated and begins to defend himself. A simple unobtrusive joke can become a reason for a serious conflict (not to mention serious things).
A simple remark in a joking manner can create a situation where a man’s pride is hurt. Psychologists advise what a woman who does not want to offend her lover should do. You should not focus on the joke or repeat it twice; you need to translate the topic of the conversation as correctly as possible. Show with all your appearance that the conversation is in a humorous form and in no way pretends to be sarcasm. In order not to offend your man in the future, you need to be extremely attentive to your words. A categorical ban lies on the topic of appearance, discussion of his family members, intimate possibilities, favorite hobbies, etc. Jokes in any form on this topic lead to conflicts or even separations.
Mistake No. 5. Authoritarian behavior of women
Very often, representatives of the fairer sex forget about their purpose and try to completely take the reins of power into their own hands. It happens that a woman hurts a man’s pride with her commander’s ambitions and doesn’t even notice it. This common habit of considering exclusively one’s own point of view, not taking into account the partner’s opinion, and morally suppressing it leads to significant aggravation of relationships.
A man strives to protect his beloved, dreams of being her only salvation in all situations. And she doesn’t even allow him to take care of herself, since only she prefers to decide when and to what extent she needs it.
How can you insult and offend a woman or a girl with clever words without swearing?
Smart phrases without swearing will help you try not to offend a woman with obscene words and still be able to convey important information to her. Try to contain all your emotions and instill in every word not only your anger, but also the confidence that you are strong and the truth is on your side.
What phrases to say to a woman or girl:
- “Instead of barking like a yard dog, better go think about your words and the stupidity with which you pronounce them!”
- “Go wash yourself and wash away this idiocy!”
- “I used to think that you were smart, but now I see that you have always been a fool!”
- “Apparently, you were the last in line for intelligence!”
- “Every time you open your mouth, another portion of slop comes out!”
- “You act like you grew up in a brothel!”
- “Yes, you have a brain, but there’s not an ounce of intelligence in it!”
How to humiliate and respond to a person’s offense with words without swearing?
Mistake No. 6. Showdown
Representatives of the fair sex love to sort things out. As a result of multiple conversations, the woman realizes that she has hurt the man’s pride. What to do in a situation where your partner does not want to find out who is right and who is wrong? A woman must understand that a man’s psychology is fundamentally different from women’s logic. The guy is used to acting, not reasoning, and all discussions of personal problems seem ridiculous and pointless to him. He wants to hear a call to specific action, and not listen to multiple complaints.
Women's pride
What, in turn, is the difference between a woman’s self-esteem and a man’s? First of all, psychologists note the fact that it is often unreasonably high, so it can be very easy to offend it, and this can be done quite suddenly by uttering just one “wrong” word. At the same time, a woman, being wounded, can turn into a real “monster”. They harbor resentment and revenge for a long time, are capable of being sarcastic, lying, showing off, and stooping to banal insults.
At the same time, it is very easy to hurt the pride of any woman with adultery. Not all of them are able to turn a blind eye to such things, no matter how men try to justify their search for sex “on the side” and make their infidelities seem less significant than the infidelity of the woman herself.
If there was cheating on the part of the husband. And the wife finds out about this, she is faced with a very difficult question: come to terms with this, learn to live and forgive, try to maintain the old relationship with the person who has always been near and dear? Or should you listen to your pride and nip everything in the bud? Psychologists recommend that women try to take a neutral position, relax, and not get excited, so that in the future they can make the right decision from their point of view, and not act out of the blue.
What to do in this case?
If a woman is a lover of showdowns, she needs to constantly be prepared for mutual confrontation with her partner. For example, she wants to talk about a topic that interests her, which concerns the analysis of a past not very good situation. The man is categorically against “useless waste of time on stupid conversations.” The girl begins to insist on talking, gets nervous, insults or touches her partner’s pride. Such clarifications lead to inevitable separation. Therefore, girls should remember that the analysis of events and feelings can be entrusted to a friend or mother, but not to their lover, since he cannot stand a lot of conversations.
Mistake #7: Manipulation
A man's pride can be hurt when a guy realizes that he is being manipulated. Each representative of the stronger sex can apply a lot of effort to achieve a certain result. He tries to look after, help, pay attention to the girl and fulfill all her whims in order to achieve his own goal. Usually this goal is intimate relationships, since (in the man's opinion) sex is proof of a woman's love. He perceives any signs of attention from the girl as a call to action. But when the guy realizes that he was used, the whole world falls out from under his feet. This hurts his pride, as it infringes on his manhood.
You shouldn't humiliate a man's pride. If there are no plans to develop a serious relationship, the girl should behave accordingly. It is not recommended to accept gifts, ask for help or behave controversially (excessively flirtatious, hinting or flirting). Otherwise, you can provoke indignation or even aggression on the part of the guy and hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself. A man’s wounded pride will allow him to be very inventive in his revenge, so you should be wary of such actions.
Wounded pride
The bad thing about wounded pride is that the individual perceives critical remarks addressed to him painfully, and begins to treat people with suspicion. It is very difficult for a proud individual to learn to control himself and competently perceive criticism addressed to him. No matter how mildly criticism is presented, it is always difficult for people to perceive, and often individuals take it too close to their hearts, especially if the critic is inexperienced or the criticism is not constructive. Not many people master the art of constructive criticism, so they perceive it doubly very difficult and painful.
How to properly respond to criticism if it so happens that the individual has become its object? If a person has been criticized, then, first of all, he should convince himself that he really has something to criticize him for, otherwise he will behave aggressively. At the same time, if a person recognizes the right of other individuals to criticize him, then he can also count on the recognition of certain rights for him. For example, the right to be taken into account, not to humiliate his dignity, not to extend criticism to the individual. An individual also has the right to demand that criticism be made only in a private conversation and not in the presence of strangers and colleagues.
We offer some tips on how a person should behave in such a situation:
- if the essence of the criticism is not clear, then it is necessary to ask the person who is criticizing to clarify what he specifically means;
- it is important for a person to learn to separate the content of criticism from the form; if a person is not satisfied with the form, then one can answer this way: “the criticism is fair - I admit this, but I would like it not to become personal”;
- if a person does not agree with criticism, then he should say so, mentioning expressions that will emphasize that this point of view is his. For example, “personally, I think differently” or “everything was wrong”;
- always maintain eye contact and speak in a calm, cheerful voice, without raising your tone.
What does self-love mean? Wounded, sick pride is not just an awareness of personal negative aspects of one’s character, it is also a defensive reaction of the EGO to internal problems, as well as feedback on the world around us. As a result, with wounded pride, there is resentment towards those people who inflicted it. Offended pride is not a character trait, but acts, as already mentioned, as a defensive reaction of a person who has been offended. Often such an individual becomes impervious to criticism, becomes inadequate and incapable of self-analysis. This happens because the individual’s EGO builds a strong shell around its painful core, which is felt like a dull aching pain in the soul. Provoking factors in this case are lack of love, dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with the reactions of others and with oneself. Constant mental pain does not allow a person to live fully. Pointing out a shortcoming or expressing criticism to a person with heightened pride only provokes aggressiveness in him, and the consequence of such painful pride is inappropriate behavior.
