Why is my wife bad?
This question interests all men who are dissatisfied with family life. Indeed, why the relationship between husband and wife very often does not work out as we would like. After all, there are happy family unions in which spouses respect and support each other for many years. What is their secret? Maybe it's that a good husband goes to a good wife?
In fact, everyone chooses a spouse of their level of psychological development. A good wife is a bad husband - that doesn’t happen.
When creating a family, any person pursues certain goals. Someone experiences sincere feelings, is ready to support their soulmate, grow and develop together. Some men marry for personal gain. They hope that their life will become more convenient and comfortable. The wife will cook, wash, clean up the house, give warmth and affection.
But for some reason this suddenly doesn’t happen. On the contrary, the wife is constantly dissatisfied with something, demands, limits, forces her to do what she doesn’t want. A man begins to think about the question: “Why do I need such a wife?” Why do spouses have mutual claims? The thing is that such husbands are used to only taking, but do not want to give anything in return. Accordingly, the wife loses all interest in doing anything for her husband.
A parallel can be drawn with a business project. There are men who want to have an income, but are not ready to work constantly. Their goal is to create a business, invest a certain amount, and then never work and receive a small but stable profit. Such people open, for example, a retail outlet and stop there.
Men of the second type, when starting their own business, are ready to constantly invest their time, finances and effort into it. They strive for development and expansion. A small store eventually turns into a large supermarket, and then into a huge retail chain.
What will happen if these people are swapped? The first man will not be able to manage his affairs and will lose his huge income. The second one will begin to develop the business from scratch and again achieve heights.
The same thing happens in the family. Some men will never be able to get the “perfect” wife. They only know how to receive. They are not used to giving anything in return, investing their time and energy into the family, and they do not want to.
Don't interfere in personal matters
Even spouses can have their own secrets from each other. And this must be accepted. This may concern his family or friends. You shouldn’t nag and ask why he was 10 minutes late from work, drag your husband to the doctor without his desire, or try to intrusively change his habits. This will only cause irritation and dissatisfaction, and can ruin the relationship. Remember that your husband is his own person and respect him. And if something needs to be changed, it can be done unnoticed, with the help of a woman’s cunning.
Why a man is not ready for a good wife
It is important to understand where this consumer attitude comes from? The roots of the problem come from childhood. To be ready for a good wife, a boy must receive full love and attention from his mother in childhood. If for some reason at an early age a child was not given enough warmth, care and affection, an adult man is not able to invest in family relationships.
It is much easier for such people to play the role of the victim and blame their wife for everything. After all, it is much more convenient to say that it is the wife who treats him badly. All his life, the husband tries to prove that the woman is to blame and that it is she who should change herself and her behavior. If this happens, then he will begin to try for the good of the family. But all this is just in words. In fact, deep down, such men do not want their spouse to change. After all, you don’t want to do anything yourself, so it’s better to let everything remain as it is.
What then do these men dream about? About unconditional love and accepting them as they are. In childhood, a mother loves her child just like that, just because he is her son. If this did not happen, the boy did not meet the expectations of his parents and, therefore, was not fully accepted by them, the need for unconditional love arises in adulthood in relation to his wife.
One contradiction appears here. On the one hand, a man wants to be a source of happiness for his wife without doing anything. On the other hand, every person has a need for self-realization. The latter, in turn, is hampered by laziness and fear of being criticized.
Immature men in childhood did not receive support from their mother in their endeavors; they were constantly scolded and blamed for mistakes. The child is subconsciously afraid to express his dissatisfaction and grievances to his parents. The worst thing for a baby is to be rejected and abandoned by his mother. Therefore, the child accepts a model of relationships in which he is always to blame.
If a boy does not receive enough attention from his parents, he begins to provoke them with his bad behavior. After all, when he does something wrong, he will definitely be noticed. Even negative attention is better than no attention. Thus, the child gets used to being a victim. He believes that his mother loves him when she scolds him.
In adulthood, a man tries to heal his childhood grievances at the expense of his wife. In family relationships, he very often unconsciously uses a familiar model of behavior. To begin with, he provokes his wife into a scandal, then listens to reproaches and criticism from her. Only now he makes his wife guilty, not himself. If in childhood a man was afraid to express all his negative thoughts to his mother, then it is quite safe to do this with his wife. The relationship between husband and wife in this situation is getting worse.
What does a man need?
To become a good wife, alas, it is not enough to be “an athlete, a Komsomol member and simply a beauty.” If everything were so easy, so many women in the world would not suffer from family problems, infidelity and divorce would not happen, and the advice of family psychologists would not be required.
You need to understand male psychology, what a man needs and how to achieve it.
Have you ever wondered why men get married at all? They also have needs that they realize in family life. And this is not only regular sex, pies on the table and comfort in the house...
A man needs to feel needed, loved, he expects support and respect, devotion, understanding. Conditionally and schematically, psychologists reduce the basic expectations of a man from a woman to the following:
- equipped life;
- ease;
- devotion;
- calmness.
What does it mean? That he feels good at home physically and mentally, it is pleasant and easy for him to communicate with his wife, he is confident in her fidelity, devotion and love, and he is “filled” with her state of calm confidence and enjoys femininity.
And now specific advice, point by point.
Make your home warm, cozy and smell delicious
You may not have surgical sterility at home, but it should be cozy. Even if he says that he doesn’t care, he doesn’t. Every man wants to come home and relax. Delicious meal.
Creating an appropriate environment is a woman’s task. This does not mean that you need to be busy with household chores from morning to night - you can organize a housekeeper to help around the house or children, if they are already grown up, and order pizza.
But keep in mind that food prepared by you with your own hands and with love for your husband has a completely different energy. This is your form of caring for him.
Be positive, light and playful
Not like in the joke: “It’s okay that my character is heavy, but my behavior is easy.” No. Here we are talking about the ability to enjoy simple things, a smile on your face. A man can look at a cheerful, smiling, satisfied woman endlessly.
When you know how to find and manifest in yourself that little girl, enthusiastic and light, who you want to carry in your arms, protect and pamper. When you are in a good mood and your eyes radiate light and love.
Who said that if he is your husband, then you don’t need to flirt with him and write intriguing text messages or sometimes arrange pleasant surprises?
Believe in him and be faithful to him physically and mentally
Devotion to a man is not only about cheating. “Faith” and “loyalty” are words with the same root. This means devotion to your man, trust, acceptance, belief in his strength and masculinity and that this man is the best for you.
After all, you chose him. It's about respect. About being proud of your husband. That he is your hero.
If you see him as a winner, appreciate him, admire him and thank him, he simply grows wings! This is the very “inspire a man” that is talked about so much at women’s trainings.
I’ll surprise you: respect for a man is even more important than love for him. And criticism expresses distrust and disbelief in him.
Be calm and confident
It is always uncomfortable to be around a nervous and always fussing and dissatisfied woman. A woman, with her inner state, creates a field around herself in which people, when they find themselves, experience a certain state.
So, a man loves precisely his condition next to his ideal woman. First of all.
And then - everything else. If your condition as a woman is not improved, if you suffer from low self-esteem, are unsure of yourself, prone to hysterics, whining, outbursts of anger, attacks of jealousy - it will be difficult to call you a good wife.
By the way, jealousy is the other side of fidelity. Ask yourself the question: “How does your husband feel when he is next to me? Does he calm down in my company or, on the contrary, tense up?”
Consult with him, share his views and hobbies
It is important for men to be needed and simply need to be an authority in the family. Therefore, consult with him more often, be interested in his opinion, and share yours. Listen to him. And tell him directly about your needs and desires, without expecting him to guess them himself.
It's great if you have common interests and hobbies, and not just common children and an apartment. Shared experiences always bring us closer together. A good wife is not only a mistress in the house and a mistress in bed. This is a like-minded person, an interlocutor and a congenial person.
If you don’t know how to become a housewife, sign up for a home economics course.
Why does a woman need a bad husband?
Well, now let's take the wife's side. Should she accept her husband for who he is, love him at all costs, endure all his shortcomings and bad attitude towards herself? No, she's not a mother. Why does she need a husband worse than a child? A woman has her own childhood grievances and unfulfilled desires. She believes that her husband owes her, and he, in turn, demands to prove that she deserves it.
As a result, everyone in such a marriage remains as he is. After all, only in a serious business you need to constantly work and be completely dedicated to your work, but for a small store such efforts are not necessary. A bad relationship with a husband does not lead to the fact that the family union breaks up, and people continue to live together without investing anything in the relationship. This is convenient for them, because they don’t have to change themselves and do nothing for the benefit of the family. This is only possible when the spouses are on the same psychological level.
What is the meaning of a marriage in which the wife’s relationship with her husband is far from ideal? The opportunity to finally express your childhood complaints and discontent, and cope with your resentment towards your parents. Now that a man has become an adult, he can not be afraid to show his feelings and throw out the accumulated aggression, albeit towards his wife.
Is this really possible, after all, so many years have passed? And how! Probably everyone has encountered a situation where someone offended you, but for some reason you remained silent. After a while, dialogues begin to swirl in my head. We imagine what we could say to the offender, how we could put him in his place. Further, we unconsciously provoke a similar situation in which we will no longer remain silent and throw out all our negativity.
This happens in families after many years. People say everything that they could previously say only in their thoughts. Childhood can finally be experienced in safety. In such families, there is no question of how to improve relations with the husband; people are comfortable living this way with constant scandals and reproaches.
Thus, husbands who have very bad wives must first understand themselves and their past. It may be worth consulting with a psychologist and looking for ways to cope with childhood traumas without projecting them into your family life.
Author: Olga Vasilyeva. Photo: Instagram, Infastar, YouTube. If you are the author of one of the photos and do not agree with its publication, contact the administration and we will correct the error.
What should a wife be like?
1. Even if you are a housewife, you must have your own interests and hobbies. You don't have to live only as a husband. While he is watching football, there is no need to nag him or try to watch it with him. Mind your own business, show that you are also an individual and you have your own interests.
2. Don't stay at home all the time. You should have your own circle of friends. Leave home sometimes, let your husband get bored. At the same time, dress nicely and put on makeup.
3. No matter how meager your wardrobe may be, you should always have a beautiful dress that fits your figure for going out in public. Let's say your husband has a bonus and he invited you to celebrate this event in a restaurant, to which you answer him that you have nothing to wear and you just stay at home. It is for such occasions that you should always have something to wear.
4. Always engage in self-development. Read books, interesting articles on the Internet, no, not gossip about the stars, but educational articles. When your husband comes home, show off your knowledge and at dinner tell him some interesting fact that he doesn’t know about.
5. Be nice and friendly to others, try to smile and behave decently. His friends must like you and always be a hospitable hostess. The same applies to your husband’s relatives; try not to conflict with them and not nag your husband about them.
Always speak calmly
Yelling will not lead to anything good, even if you have good intentions. If you feel that you cannot restrain yourself, at this moment it is better to remain silent at all. Start the conversation after you have calmed down and can calmly express your thoughts. In this way, you will get through to your husband faster and you are more likely to come to a constructive decision, and not just quarrel.
The man is the head of the family
Nothing offends a man’s dignity more than an independent wife who takes upon herself all the family problems. A spouse should always feel like a man who is responsible for his family. A woman's trick is to let her beloved understand that he is the head of the family.
The spouse must feel: he can cope with any difficulties and resolve all troubles. The job of an ideal wife is to guide her husband in the right direction, and let him do the actions himself. This approach will instill in a man a sense of responsibility and determination. Thanks to this, the man will subsequently become more successful and enterprising, for which he will put his wife on a pedestal.
Think about what family values mean to him.
Here it is very important to take a closer look at such moments as his relationships with his parents and relatives, how well he gets along, for example, with his nephews and children of his friends. Although this, of course, does not say at all about how he feels about the birth of his own children - this issue is also worth discussing separately in order to understand whether your views coincide in this area. But relationships with different people from his environment show who is in front of you - how caring, attentive, and family-oriented your chosen one is. At the same time, relationships with friends and hobbies deserve special attention in this regard. Because after marriage, it is unlikely that anything will change in his life, and this must be clearly understood. If before he often preferred an evening in a noisy male company rather than a get-together with you, then this will continue in marriage. Either you accept it or you don't. And, unfortunately, it doesn’t work any other way. The choice, as they say, is yours. The same goes for vacation: what kind of vacation it will be like for your couple - joint or separate.
