How to find a lover: what a woman should do, advice from psychologists

Relationship with husband

I want to find a lover! This desire arises in a woman when things are not going well in her relationship with her husband. It’s not often that people manage to maintain the passion and spark in a relationship over the course of a long relationship. Sooner or later, partners begin to irritate something about each other.

It is common for women to lose interest in him after a long time in a relationship with one man. They no longer experience trepidation from touch, the desire to have sex disappears, and so on.

Often, as men get older, they stop taking care of themselves and begin to look older than their years. And the woman has the thought: “I want a young lover!” And when a pretty trainer catches your eye in the gym, then such thoughts begin to visit the lady more and more often.

The reasons vary, but most often the problem lies in a lack of attention on the part of the spouse. Therefore, before you rush headlong into the pool, you need to think everything through. And sometimes it won’t be a bad idea to discuss the problems of relationships in marriage with your spouse.

What pushes you to find a lover?

Everyone who has clearly decided to find a man for dating has her own reason for this, but there are 4 most common situations because of which a woman begins to cheat on her spouse:

family problems, the husband does not devote time to his wife, does not pay attention to her;
early marriage of a girl who has not yet “worked up” and is not ready for a serious relationship;
complexes and self-doubt, desire to increase self-esteem;
sexual dissatisfaction.

Experiencing this or that need, a woman thinks about how to find a certain person who will either inspire her and make her believe in herself, or will entertain her and take her to interesting places, or will simply give her regular and high-quality sex.

Things to remember

On the path to female happiness, it is important not to forget about some points that may lie in wait for you. Since finding a lover for a married woman is a risky and even dangerous activity, it is worth remembering some precautions.

Here are the troubles every woman will probably face:

you can become attached to a person and become dependent on the relationship;
a lover may eventually begin to claim the role of a permanent partner or even a husband;
if you start a relationship with a dishonest man, he may blackmail you for his own benefit (threaten to tell your husband or mutual acquaintance about your affair, post your intimate photos on the Internet, etc.);
there is a possibility of contracting sexually transmitted diseases;
your husband may sooner or later find out about your secret affair and file for divorce;
if the husband is jealous and impulsive, he can deal with your lover and/or take revenge on you;
Relatives and friends, having learned about your betrayal, may stop communicating with you.

And these are not all the possible consequences of betrayal. If you are aware of all the risks, but are still ready to plunge headlong into the pool of passions with a seductive suitor, you should decide where and how to find yourself that very prince charming.

Many women don’t know where to start searching, especially if this is their first “go to the left” in their life. But, having decided on the purpose of meeting a man and choosing the ideal place for “hunting”, the question of how to find a lover if you are married will disappear by itself.

Relationship Benefits

I want a lover, what should I do?! More than one woman has probably heard such a statement from her friend. You probably shouldn’t rush headlong into a new relationship thoughtlessly. It is better to analyze the current life situation and approach its solution wisely.

Let's consider the advantages of a relationship with a lover.

Gynecologists recommend that a woman have a lover for her health if she does not have a husband. However, it is important to give preference to one partner, since frequent changes of men can lead to unpleasant diseases.
A lover is like a kind of social elevator. Women are advised to choose a partner with a high position in society and good material income. People use low! But here, most likely, we are talking about a mutually beneficial exchange.
A lover brings a holiday into your life every time. In a relationship with a husband, sooner or later the candy-bouquet period ends, and life is a routine. You and your lover do not have a common life, household chores and troubles. And since he does not want to offer you a joint future or is in no hurry to do so, it is in his interests to keep you. This means that he will regularly pamper you with gifts, flowers, romantic surprises and other joys of life.

How to find a lover, where to start if you are married

A married lady can always find a partner on the side.

Many men prefer married mistresses

The main question is where to look for it . You can meet a potential lover anywhere, in any public place or on a dating app.

The search can be targeted. To avoid unnecessary conversations and exposure, if you are married, it is important that your lover lives away from you.

All search activities must be kept strictly secret and hidden even from your closest friend. Who knows what's on her mind: maybe she has her eye on your husband and is just waiting for an opportunity to quarrel between you.

Be sure to read:

Punishment for betrayal: how to take revenge on your wife for betrayal, the best ways

Many men prefer married mistresses : it is reliable and convenient for them. From the very beginning, you need to discuss the format of your relationship and follow certain rules. No serious commitments, discussions of family problems and frequent meetings.

Married lovers

It won't be difficult for a pretty married woman to find a lover. But it is better if the applicant is married. Then everyone will have obligations to their family and an interest in conspiracy. There will be less reason for jealousy and disappointment,

Young girls should avoid married people. Such a love union often causes a storm of negative emotions, jealousy of the wife, and a desire to destroy someone else’s marriage.

Husband's friend

Having your husband’s best friend as your lover is even convenient, if you don’t delve into the moral side of such a situation. Your husband's friend knows both of you, your habits, and can predict your actions.

Trusting his friend, your spouse will not see anything reprehensible in your communication.

Appear in public more often

If a woman is interested in a new relationship, she needs to appear in public regularly. After all, it is known that water does not flow under a lying stone. If you constantly move along the home-work route, and watch endless TV series in the evening, then nothing in life will change.

Communication with people is necessary, and attending various events, going to the cinema, theater, and concerts will increase the chances of meeting a pleasant person.

On dating sites

Network relationships are developing quickly and choosing a suitable partner from dozens of candidates is not difficult.
Dating sites have become especially popular for searching for sexual partners. It is possible to choose a partner based on age, status, and sexual desires.

To do this, you need to fill out a form in detail and express your wishes. Don’t rush to show your photo, first study the profile and the requirements put forward by the man, talk to him, discuss important points, choose a place for the first meeting.

Network relationships develop quickly and choosing a suitable partner from dozens of candidates is not difficult . Sometimes couples from the Internet not only become happy lovers, but also create strong families.

At work

Office romances have negative sides. But young, free girls can take a chance on a relationship with an unmarried colleague. What if this is fate?

Other options

A woman must be internally ready and tuned in to the wave of new relationships.

And an unexpected romantic acquaintance can happen anywhere:

Resort. This is perhaps the best place for a short, passionate romance that does not commit to anything.
Fitness center, gym. There is a large selection of guys with strong, pumped up bodies. You can first take a closer look, get to know each other, and then start flirting.
Dancing, parties, concerts, presentations. They are more suitable for single women. Not every husband will let his wife go to such events.
Interest clubs, cafes, restaurants . In such places you can often meet lonely men. More often these are businessmen who are too busy for full-fledged love relationships. But they are well off and give expensive gifts. Many women are quite happy with this.

Be sure to read:

How to get your married lover back after a breakup: the psychology of relationships

Where to look?

I want to have a lover, where can I find him?! Anywhere! If you work in a hospital, then you deal with a huge number of single male patients. If in a bank, then there are many security guards, programmers, managers and managers around. Even if you work in the library, men often come there too.

If you have a negative attitude towards mixing work and relationships, then you can visit clubs, concerts and other places in search of a partner. But still remember that contacting strangers is extremely dangerous.

Many people meet on public transport, at meetings of friends and other events. The location of the search itself does not matter much, unlike the method associated with how to get a lover.

Why there is a desire to have an affair on the side

The first and most important reason why a spouse decides to have an extramarital affair is routine family life. Over time, the husband stops paying attention to his wife, does not give compliments, and does not please her with gifts. In order to rekindle the fire in her soul, to feel loved and attractive, and to raise her self-esteem, the wife decides to take a lover.

The second reason, arising from the first, is boring sex. The spouse thinks only about satisfying his desires, uses one position that is comfortable for him, and does not pay attention to foreplay. Sexual intercourse becomes fast, monotonous, infrequent, and does not bring release. It feels more like a duty than a way to have fun. And then the lady understands: I want to have a passionate lover in order to again experience a strong desire, see a spark in my partner’s eyes, and get high-quality long sex that leads to orgasm.

READ Psychology of relationships between a man and his mistress: reasons and features of a forbidden relationship

The third reason, very different from the first two, is an unstable financial situation. In this case, the woman is not looking for a sexual giant, but a successful rich man who will be able to provide for her needs.

How?

There is an opinion that there is no woman who could not get the man she wants. There are quite a lot of strategies aimed at creating a relationship with a man.

The most effective technique is considered to be a feeling of admiration for male intellect. Requests for help in the professional field in which the desired man is employed work no less well. It can be used for anything - skiing, diving and asking for help in any work-related issues. Let the man know that you admire him. And as a thank you, it wouldn’t hurt to invite you for tea or a glass of wine. The rest is a matter of choosing the right tactics.

A woman standing on the road near her car with the hood open already makes her want to help her. A neighbor of a country house who is trying to fix the television antenna evokes no less desire to help her and show her masculine talents to the fullest.

But there is one important condition, without which such strategies will not bring the desired result. A girl should always look great. Be in good shape at any time of the day, no matter where it is - on the road, at work or at home. It is unlikely that an attractive neighbor in a country house or a fellow traveler will want to help a tortured and homely woman. And talking about a cup of tea makes no sense at all. This is how male nature works, that if you look amazing, then only a man who is not suitable for the role of a lover will refuse a cup of tea in your company.

Where you should NOT meet

The following are places and situations that are in no way suitable for adultery:

Job . Many girls find a man at work. But if you are a married woman, then searching for a sexual partner among your colleagues will bring you more trouble than pleasure. Rumors spread much faster than we think, and judgmental glances and whispers in the back will become your companions for a long time. Why spoil your reputation and have problems with your superiors?
Husband's friends , neighbors or your mutual acquaintances. Yes, you know these people well and have known them for a certain time, why not allow yourself a little adventure? But such a relationship is fraught with the fact that soon your husband will find out about your vicious affair, the relationship will deteriorate not only between you, but also with the person you have chosen as your lover. It is better to look for a lover among those men who do not know your spouse and do not enter the house.
Street . It would seem that what’s so bad about approaching a man you like on the street and making an acquaintance? In any case, no one is stopping you from doing this, but keep in mind that you may run into a dishonest and unscrupulous person from whom you will get more problems than good. It is better to pay attention to those whom you more or less know and with whom you have common interests.

Don't fall in love with your lover - it will complicate everything.

Relationships are started on the side to relax and recharge with positive emotions, to catch up on lost time. So choose your lover wisely to avoid unnecessary problems.

Pitfalls of secret relationships

I want a married lover! This statement can often be heard from married women. This format of relationship is the safest, since it is unlikely that over time, in the case of strong attachment, the partner will begin to demand to leave her husband and family for his sake.

But on the other hand, love can also arise from a woman. At the beginning of such a relationship, a representative of the fair sex feels like a happy, beautiful and significant woman. Over time, she risks losing her head in love, as well as making mistakes that will complicate the relationship in marriage. After all, there are often situations when one of the partners begins to mistake an outside relationship for true love simply because he received a lot of attention and passion, which has been lacking in marriage for a long time.

Therefore, it is very important not to overestimate the importance of such relationships, otherwise you can seriously suffer. Perhaps your relationship with your husband needs some variety and passion will flare up again. If this happens, then the question of finding a lover will become irrelevant.

Why does she need him?

Why does a married woman take a lover?

How did it happen that the wife suddenly decided to have an affair on the side ?

Why might such a situation arise at all? Psychologists identify the following reasons:

She got bored. Perhaps the husband does not pay enough attention to her, is too busy with work or other worries.
Her husband does not satisfy her in bed. Sex has become too monotonous or infrequent.
She wants to feel her feminine power again. To see that she is still pretty and can make a young guy fall in love with her.
This is common curiosity. What is this? What emotions do you experience? Will you be able to hide everything from your husband? This game effect often attracts women.
She doesn't like that her husband earns little. Therefore, she found a rich man on the side who was ready to shower her with gifts and spend huge sums of money just to make her happy.
She is tired of everyday life and wants romance. My relationship with my husband has long turned into a routine.
Nothing new, just everyday life. And with your lover, mysterious romantic meetings, dinner by candlelight and no dirty dishes or trash can. Such freshness in relationships is very attractive to women.
She fell in love. She met a guy who made her head spin so much that even the vows given at the altar didn’t stop her.
She wants to attract her husband's attention. Make him jealous and have some emotions.
She wants revenge for the betrayal. The husband himself went outside or continues to do so. For certain reasons, she does not want to get a divorce, but the desire for revenge leads her to an affair with a young lover.

Why do women have lovers? Find out from the video:

Tips and tricks

I really want a lover! This phrase can be heard from most women who lack love. But in order not to destroy the family, you need to follow some tips:

Remember that a sudden change in your work schedule or routine can cause serious suspicion in your spouse. Think over your schedule in advance. Report your planned “trip” to a seminar, a beauty salon, or a workout at the gym.
If you have an affair on the side, do not tell anyone about such a relationship. No one should know about your lover, not even relatives and people close to you.
Avoid meeting your man in the presence of children.
Think in advance about who can insure you. A well-thought-out alibi is a guarantee of caution in love relationships.
Try not to show your spouse that you are moving away from him. On the contrary, give him a few compliments or be jealous of a mutual friend. This way you can lull his vigilance.
Remove possible incriminating evidence in a timely manner. This could be joint photos, messages, etc. You should be as careful as possible with gifts from a fan.
If your spouse realizes what is happening, then you need to stop meeting for a while.
Protect yourself!
Avoid sudden changes in appearance, such as hair color, dramatic changes in hairstyle, underwear and wardrobe.
Don't spend time with your lover in crowded places. You'll probably meet some mutual friends there. And if this happens, then do not be nervous, but behave absolutely calmly. You never know who you met, maybe it’s an old friend, a former classmate or just an acquaintance.

I want a good lover - should I choose a married one?

For married women, a married man can be an ideal option. He will not impose himself, demand special attention, or be jealous.

There is always a danger that a lover will begin to threaten to expose himself to his spouse, and when he is married, he will not risk his family or his own arranged life. When people who are already married enter into a love affair, they are well aware that the reason for such a step is good sex. They don't expect anything more.

How to keep it? Psychologist's advice

I want to return my lover, what should I do? To avoid such questions, you need to do everything in advance so that the man himself does not want to leave you.

Let's consider the most popular advice from a psychologist on this topic.

Try to satisfy your man as much as possible in bed. It is necessary to regularly introduce innovations and changes to already familiar sex.
Never refuse a man's offer of sex. But, of course, everything should have reasonable limits. Don't show your lover that you tend to get tired and fall off your feet. He sees a tired woman in a dressing gown at home every day. You should always be beautiful, active and ready for any challenge.
Charge your man with new emotions. Go on extreme trips that will charge you with a good dose of adrenaline. After such joint adventures, you will remain in his memory for a long time.
It wouldn’t hurt to be capricious sometimes and express your desires. Men tend to fulfill women's requests, this is how nature works.
Try not to start conversations about his family and children. And even more so it is unflattering to speak about his wife. Often, attachment to a mistress is weaker than the legal bonds of marriage.

How to have a lover

Uncertainty about the need for additional intimate relationships is associated with a lack of experience in these matters or negative memories that make you hesitate to make a decision. The question of whether to have a lover usually arises among those who have either never cheated on their husband or do not know how to approach the matter.

Finding a suitable guy who agrees to have sex with a married woman is not a problem. The feminine nature of relationships suggests that there are always men nearby, from among whom you can safely choose one or two potential partners.

Many girls note that their number of sexual partners would be many times greater. If only they just didn't refuse invitations. A woman who is busy with someone else is known to be even more desirable for men from the category of those who are quite satisfied with relationships that do not lead to marriage.

So married people (in official and civil marriages) start affairs relatively easily - there are a lot of people who want them.

What do you need to remember?

A married man agrees to be a lover only when his marital relationship is going through times of crisis. But this does not mean that he is ready to abandon his family and go to his new girlfriend.

And being in the role of a mistress in such a situation, a woman must clearly understand her place in this relationship.

As for women, the situation is similar. The only difference is that the fairer sex is much more emotional and can easily fall in love with their lover. Therefore, when starting a relationship on the side, you need to weigh the pros and cons in advance.

Author: Irina Sergeeva

Where and who to look for

To understand in what places you should look for a sexual partner, you need to determine your desires. For one-time sex, you can meet a guy in youth public institutions, for example, in a cafe, night club, karaoke, hookah bar. In this case, you don’t even have to say your name. If you are counting on a long-term relationship, then you need to choose more serious places: a restaurant, a swimming pool, an exhibition, a party with friends, a social reception.

You can find a sexually attractive rich lover in more luxurious places - at a fashionable resort, in an elite fitness center or an expensive store.

Tips for women to successfully find a lover on dating sites

There are a huge number of free sites where married girls are looking for lovers. But finding sites with good reviews and convenient functionality on your own can be difficult. Especially for you, we have compiled a rating of the best dating sites for lovers. We recommend registering with several of them to speed up your search for a sex partner.

Trust only sites with registration if you do not want to fall into the clutches of scammers and scammers. Usually, sites for lovers and mistresses without registration are full of bots and perverts.

Fill out your application form in detail: upload a photo, tell us about yourself. Specify the purpose of your presence on the site - this will automatically “weed out” unnecessary men.

Once you've become familiar with the site, try purchasing a VIP account. This will speed up the search for a partner for sex and increase the number of fans. You will also have access to the “invisibility” mode, the ability to give gifts and other pleasant bonuses.

After a successful acquaintance, we do not recommend communicating via phone calls and SMS: detailing your account can reveal all the cards for your husband. Use instant messengers, such as Telegram. There is a chat self-destruct function, thanks to which the relationship on the side will remain secret.

You have a great advantage if you want to find a lover in Moscow. The capital is home to a huge number of people eager for love affairs. In addition, on dating sites it is easy to meet foreigners who often travel to the capital and take Russian mistresses.

Register on several sites from our top. We are sure that among them you will find the best dating site for lovers and will gladly fulfill all your desires!