Now there are three of us: how to save a family after the birth of a child

Features of the female worldview

The woman is the mother. These two words clearly illustrate the essence of girls’ behavior during pregnancy and after it. That is, a woman always puts others first, regardless of her character type and worldview. Naturally, there are exceptions, but in most cases this is what happens.

Therefore, it is not surprising that after the birth of a child, women plunge headlong into caring for their child.

For them, it is quite logical that everything should revolve around their baby, since he is the long-awaited fruit of love. This is the maternal instinct, thanks to which our species was able to overcome all the hardships and deprivations of the evolutionary struggle.

The problem is that sometimes girls get too deep into this process. After all, it’s one thing when a child is given a reasonable share of attention, but quite another when the mother stops seeing the rest of the world behind him.

Therefore, you need to be able to rein in your love in order to soberly assess the required amount of care.

Advice from psychologists

Here's what psychologists advise couples whose relationship has deteriorated after the birth of a child:

• Do not ignore problems - if you feel that your partner is moving away, then you need to talk to him and try to solve the problems that have arisen.
• Take care of the child together so that the young father does not feel cut off from his family. Taking care of the baby is not the absolute prerogative of the mother, because he still has a father who can put him to bed, sing a lullaby and change his clothes.
• Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help from relatives - it’s okay if a grandmother or aunt babysits the child once a week. And at this time, parents will be able to relax or arrange a romantic evening.
• Put yourself in your partner's shoes - before you start a fight, try to understand how your spouse feels. Does he get tired during the day, what does he lack and how would you behave in his place.

After the baby arrives, it is important to remember that he is not the only member of your family. You need to pay attention not only to him, but also to yourself and your husband. Then nothing will threaten your family happiness.

Egocentrism of men

To say that all men are selfish is wrong. But at the same time, they are not inclined to such dedication as women, because of this they constantly think about who is in charge in the house. Therefore, at best, they perceive the child as an equal, and at worst, they put themselves in first place.

Consequently, they do not perceive situations well when they are deprived of their usual care and love.

Simply put, they begin to feel jealous of their child. Naturally, she is not as evil as in the case of a male competitor, but she is still there. This perception of the world leads to the fact that the spouse begins to involuntarily seek confirmation that he is being deprived or somehow ignored.

At the same time, any little things are taken into account: how many times they said a kind word to him, whether they fed him in the morning, whether they smiled back, and so on.

It’s clear that such thoughts will soon develop into resentment and then burst out. First, the husband will begin to make reproaches, then raise his voice, and it will all end in a huge scandal. And then the young dad will no longer want to control his emotions, and such skirmishes will be repeated more and more often.

At this moment he should be stopped by explaining the real state of affairs.

1. Firstly, they didn’t stop loving him, it’s just that now these feelings have moved to a new level, more complex and demanding.
2. Secondly, such behavior will not lead to anything good, since a harmonious family life cannot be built on jealousy and scandals.

The situation through the eyes of men

With the birth of a baby, a man becomes the only breadwinner in the family. He is responsible for feeding the whole family. The workload becomes greater, since a fairly large amount of money is spent on daily child care (diapers, wipes, diapers, etc.). The nutrition of a nursing mother should also be complete, and high-quality products are not cheap. In addition, there are also household expenses. In this regard, many dads have to find part-time work. Therefore, the level of fatigue increases.

If a woman devotes all her time to the baby, the man may feel unwanted. And this is understandable. Before the baby was born there was tenderness, affection, spending time together, but now all this has gone somewhere. It is difficult for a young father to imagine what is happening to his wife at this moment, so there may be a feeling that the woman he loves has changed and all the love has passed.

The lack of intimacy also leaves its mark. Some couples stop having sex during pregnancy for medical reasons or personal reasons. Thinking that abstinence will end after childbirth leads to disappointment. After all, doctors prohibit sex immediately after the birth of a child. Many problems in the family after the birth of a long-awaited child arise precisely because of a long lack of intimacy between spouses.

Imagine the situation: an irritated and tired wife, a crying child, fatigue, lack of full communication - all this affects a man’s behavior, especially when it seems to him that no one wants to understand him.

Man and sex

Girls and boys have different life priorities. So, for the former, feelings and mutual understanding are the key to a happy marriage. But for men, sex is added to this list. After all, they cannot imagine their family life without him.

The trouble is that during pregnancy they are protected from most bodily pleasures, which certainly leads to sexual hunger.

The only thing that consoled them was dreams of normal sex after childbirth. Alas, in most cases their hopes are dashed. This can be explained by the fact that while breastfeeding women are not particularly in the mood for sex. Such a mechanism is inherent in nature, and nothing can be done about it.

However, men do not understand this. Consequently, they begin to blame their “hunger” on their wives, as if they are deliberately denying them intimacy. Again, such thoughts sooner or later result in reproaches, which clearly do not improve the atmosphere in the house.

Therefore, you need to avoid long breaks in sex, even if the woman does not yet feel the former fervor and passion.

Inaction is not an option

Regardless of why the relationship with your husband deteriorated after the birth of the child, inaction will be the worst way to solve this problem. After all, the longer the invisible wall is between you, the more difficult it is to destroy it. This is why psychologists recommend starting to build relationships as early as possible.

In this case, it does not matter who is in charge in the house. What is more important is who takes the first step towards each other.

But again, men are less flexible in this matter, so the role of parliamentarian often falls to a woman. The reason for this behavior lies in the fact that representatives of the stronger half of humanity are accustomed to seeing themselves as warriors made of flint. And it’s not good for them to show sentimentality and get lost over trifles.

Build intimate relationships

Usually, after childbirth, women's sexual sensations are complemented by new shades. You can share your thoughts about what exactly has changed with your partner, because he, too, cannot help but feel the changes.

The benefit is obvious - it's time to try new positions, rhythms and styles of behavior during intimacy. The main thing is not to deny each other affection - long-term abstinence turns a couple from lovers into friends. Sad statistics say: most couples in this period break up due to the appearance of a third person who is ready to understand and satisfy sexual desires.

Take the test: Is my husband cheating on me?

Who's in charge?

Many women make unforgivable mistakes: with the birth of a child (especially a son), they subconsciously make him the “center of the universe.”

I have repeatedly heard mothers say:

• “children are sacred”
• "I live for my son
• “My son will never leave me, just like my husband.”

In fact, these beliefs cause irreparable harm to both the woman herself and her children.

Why? If a child is the meaning of life for a woman, then he will never be able to separate from his mother and become a separate person. A separate person. He will be entrusted with a very large responsibility for the life of his mother. Children feel it. Growing up, they either stay with their mothers for the rest of their lives - never getting married. Or even worse - they become drunkards and become addicted to drugs. And the reason is precisely that the mother, caring for her safety, made the child the main thing in her life.

In such a situation, the husband will not stay long. After all, he will feel his uselessness, distrust of him, hidden resentment or his wife’s anger.

He will literally be jealous of his own child, because it is the man who should be the main thing for a woman. When a woman’s value system is built correctly, her family becomes strong and her children become happy.

What to do?

1. Understand: the main thing in your family is your husband. You chose him to have support in life, to trust and to walk “by the hand.” A child is a consequence, the fruit of your love. All children separate and leave their mothers when they grow up. It's unavoidable. And only your husband will remain with you.
2. Under no circumstances should you make your child the meaning of your life. This is a very dangerous path. Find the meaning of your life in your activities, relationships with a man, learning new things, any variety. But under no circumstances should you give it to a person.
3. Live for yourself. Because in fact this is true. We do everything for ourselves, only sometimes it is easier for us to say what is for others. Admit it: you live for yourself - not for your husband, not for your child. That's when everything will fall into place.

Marital relations after the birth of a child

Today I would like to touch on an unexpected topic . It is generally accepted that children strengthen the family , but in practice , spouses with small children often grow cold towards each other and sometimes even separate . Psychologist Ekaterina Burmistrova answers pressing questions related to the birth of a child in a family.

— Have you encountered similar situations in your practice?

“Unfortunately, I did, and much more often than I wanted and expected when I started counseling families.

- Why this happen ?

— This question also interested me very much. I even went to get a second education to try to answer it. The first education - a child psychologist, the second - a family psychologist - was received precisely in connection with how often a family with a small child suffers a crisis. In general, the answer has been received.

The fact is that in our culture the birth of a child is positioned as joy. This is joy. But, unfortunately, besides joy, there are many other things that can make the relationship between spouses different than they were before the birth of children. Having children is also a systemic family crisis. It's like a test - either you pass it or you don't: either after the birth of children the relationship begins to deteriorate, or, on the contrary, the couple unites and begins to work as a team.

— Are there any risk groups among couples ?

- I would say yes. It is especially difficult for the following categories of citizens to have children:

Firstly, these are couples who, oddly enough, have already lived a married life for a very long time, but without children. A couple with more than three years of marriage experience is at risk. The fact is that when people live together and have a good relationship, a certain system of roles develops: attention is distributed, habits arise, traditions arise. Very often, one of the spouses psychologically becomes a child, or this niche is occupied by a pet. People work a lot, travel a lot, and do not often experience financial difficulties. Life and the habit of it take shape. And over the years of living together, this habit becomes stronger. And then a child is born - and everything needs to change. It would seem that over such a long time people have united so much, and they will easily accept it.

— We learned to accept and each other ...

- But no. If this life was good, then it is more difficult to part with it. And very often someone can’t stand it. I'm not saying it's a scam. But there is a deterioration in the relationship between parents, which is not clear to what (for them) it is connected with, what this is due to.

The next risk group is people who, on the contrary, have been together for a very short time - they got married either during pregnancy, or pregnancy occurred immediately. There’s another reason: people didn’t have time to get used to it. They just haven’t had time to agree on who will take out the trash can, what a tube of toothpaste should look like, and many other household little things that really need to be agreed upon, and this takes time.

There are also risk groups - these are families in which the birth of a child occurs against the backdrop of very great anxiety. This often happens after a miscarriage or a problematic pregnancy, or if a baby is born with health difficulties - here the level of anxiety is very high, and the number of worries around physical health is such that there may be no strength left to maintain a marital relationship. And if this too does not change within the first thirty-six months after childbirth (three years), things may not be easy for the couple.

— But even these categories , these spouses , have some way out if they realized that the birth of a child has become a crisis for them ?

— Having a child is a crisis for almost everyone. But not a crisis - what a nightmare, an economic crisis - but a crisis as restructuring and change. And the essence of this phenomenon is that people now need to learn to combine two roles: the parental role and the marital role. Before children, there was only a marital role, a partnership. And now this role should not go anywhere, but a huge amount of everything should be added that fills the role of the parent. And here the peculiarity of our Russian culture is that this parental role begins to dominate and crowd out everything else. The famous thing arises: “You are a mother, you must,” and that if you have children, you have no more right to anything: “Where? To the Conservatory? You have children - sit with them!”

— Is this the older generation ’s answer?

- Yes, this is broadcast by the older generation. And if you look at films of the Soviet period, you will see that as soon as a child is born, the weight of everyday life bends the woman to the ground, and there is nothing else left. Times have changed for us - now life is not so difficult at all. But the expectation applied to oneself, that as soon as the child is born, everything else should be pushed aside, has a strong impact on the woman. Now he has a different source. Nowadays, women, becoming mothers, begin to read mountains of literature devoted to the upbringing, development, and care of children, and want to do everything optimally. This is such a huge amount of what needs to be done...

— Also, a burden of responsibility falls after reading all this .

- Yes, the thought arises that if you don’t do something, then you are such a bad mother...

- If by the age of three your child does not speak English , you are probably doing something wrong ...

“Parents have a lot of expectations for themselves. But the moment of marital relations is not sanctified anywhere. There is even a saying among psychologists: “Children are in fashion now, but fathers are not.” She seems to sound funny, but it’s not funny at all, because in practice the woman plunges entirely into the maternal role, and tells her husband: “Go, warm up your sausages.” If this is a month of “warm up the sausages” - nothing, three is normal; Responsible, reliable husbands endure it for up to a year. After a year they begin to protest.

— How can this protest be expressed ?

- Differently. Unfortunately, directly, so that a person understands: “Yeah, my wife has been telling me for a year now in one way or another, “Go cook yourself some sausages” in all areas of life,” it doesn’t sound like that. The husband and father experience dissatisfaction, the feeling that he is being used, that he is not really needed: his hands are needed to rock the child or put him to sleep, his wallet is needed to pay for classes and all sorts of other education projects, and he himself, as man, not needed. An underlying dissatisfaction arises. It can be expressed in different ways. The most standard option for successful people is to go to work. A slightly worse option is going into screens, the appearance of “screen sickness.”

— Do you mean a computer ?

- Computer, yes. Nowadays there is a huge amount of everything that can be done on a computer: watch, play, communicate.

An even sadder option is the emergence of some kind of addiction, say, beer alcoholism. It doesn’t seem to be considered alcoholism, although it is no easier than ordinary alcoholism. Those. husband and father are looking for a niche to replace the one lost in this relationship. And only very rare husbands understand that they need to get their wife back, that they need to fight for this relationship, that his wife is a wonderful mother, but the coordinates have shifted a little. She needs to be returned.

- What can he do ? Is it worth sounding the alarm when the child is one year old ?

— You need to return to each other and not forget that you are not only parents, but also spouses, as soon as the woman has come to her senses a little and began to cope with maternal responsibilities. There, after all, the stress from the birth of your first child is very great - you learn a whole profession when your first child is born. But usually by three or four months the woman becomes a little calmer: the colic goes away, and a more or less feeling of confidence arises, if the child does not have any health problems. And it turns out that from now on it would be good to devote a certain amount of time to each other.

- Should we just plan it ?

- Plan time together, plan that you will have something just for two, plan that these will be at least small conversations; that you will not leave for the sake of the child everything that was close and dear to you before the birth, but that you, on the contrary, for the sake of the child, so that he grows up in a full-fledged family, with two parents who have normal relationships, you will preserve this. It's just often not worthwhile as a task.

- Certainly . Many mothers are afraid even leave home , believing that they are abandoning their child , even if he remains with a loved one - his grandmother .

— Yes, this “involvement” is a sign of excessive emotional symbiosis. Of course, you shouldn’t leave the baby for a very long time, but if you leave him between feedings and go with your husband to the cinema, visit or take a walk, the baby will only benefit from this, because you will miss him. They will be able to communicate with their grandmother, and grandmothers and grandchildren need each other. In addition, you will be able to restore and invest something in the marital relationship, which is so important.

The fact is that maternal and paternal affection are structured slightly differently. The mother's attachment to her child is unconditional. The father's affection is also unconditional, but fathers are interested in children and fathers are ready to participate in raising children only if they have a normal relationship with their wife. And if these marital relations have cooled, something that should not flow into the relationship with children will flow into the relationship - mutual claims. Parents will make a tug-of-war out of their child, but no one will win.

Accordingly, relationships will have to change after the birth of children, and you also need to be tuned in to this - something that will have to be combined and shared is not love, but rather time. In order to avoid any total deterioration, you need to plan what you will do for each other.

— Probably , grandmothers can also contribute their help in this way .

- They can, but, unfortunately, the attitude of grandmothers is not always positive. And if the grandmother is always ready to let the parents go somewhere to the doctor or to another “important” place, then only the wise grandmother, for whom everything turned out well and who understands how important it is to give young people at least a piece of freedom, is ready to let them go to the cinema or on a visit.

— So , it’s worth bringing in other assistants ?

- Yes, if your grandmother does not belong to the category of wise, then it is worth attracting someone else - hired assistants for a short time, so that you can go out into the world at least once a week.

And I would like to end with a true story. In France, it is customary for spouses who have children to spend three evenings a week away from home. The first evening, the spouses go and communicate with friends or relatives - communication between adults and adults. The second evening of the week, the couple attends some kind of cultural event: a concert, an exhibition, a movie, a church service - something that is close to the family. The spouses spend the third evening of the week just together: a walk, dinner in a quiet restaurant, sitting at home. And this is considered to be what allows the relationship to grow rather than wither.

We are not in France, the situation is completely different. But almost every family can afford at least an evening, at least a couple of hours once every two weeks. It just needs to be organized.

Thanks a lot. So , we talked about how to maintain a marital relationship , and not only preserve it , but also improve it after the birth of a child . Be vigilant , do not forget about your soulmate , because the birth of a child is wonderful , but your baby is just the fruit of your love .

It all starts with a conversation

The first step is the most difficult, because at this moment the heart is overcome by doubts about how the other person will perceive it. But you need to understand that waiting torments the soul in the same way, and maybe even more. Therefore, you should not put off the conversation with your husband, but go straight to the core of the problem.

When talking with your loved one, you must rely on the following rules:

1. First, the dialogue must be two-way. That is, an atmosphere should be achieved in which both parties talk about their problems, experiences and concerns.
2. Secondly, it is necessary to maintain warmth in the words. Remember: this is a conversation between two people in love, and not negotiations between countries that have been at war with each other for centuries.
3. Third, don't hide anything. Even a small secret or reproach can lead to this situation repeating itself again in the future.

What to do if you can’t resolve a conflict situation at all?

In some cases the situation goes too far. And sometimes you can’t do it without the help of specialists. Not all married couples are ready to admit this, not everyone wants to talk about their problems. However, consulting a family psychologist can have a positive impact on the relationship between husband and wife. Therefore, if you cannot resolve the situation on your own, consider seeking help from someone who can help you understand your problems.

It also happens that a woman may experience postpartum depression, which is caused by the action of hormones. Knowing this, the husband should not sort things out with his wife or wait for this to pass. It’s better to find a specialist who will prescribe therapy and help your beloved woman get out of this “pool.”

Paternal instinct

It just so happens that in women, the maternal instinct turns on immediately after childbirth. However, things are different for men. In order to reach their subconscious, it takes time and a special approach, otherwise they may develop subconscious jealousy towards their child.

How to awaken a man's primal instincts?

In fact, everything is quite simple: you need to leave him alone with your son or daughter as often as possible. But for some reason, most mothers are afraid to take this step. They are sure that this will lead to irreparable consequences, as if this is not their man, but some kind of animal.

But the truth is that fathers cope with their responsibilities no worse than mothers.

The only thing is that they need more time for training, since they have to learn everything from scratch. Here it is important to fully support your spouse and, if necessary, give small hints. And soon dad will not only forget about jealousy, but will also become a real helper for mom.

Reasons for changes

Pregnancy is a period when a girl prepares to become a mother not only physically, but also psychologically. It represents the child's face, character and so on. With the birth of a child, a girl turns into a woman, her worldview changes. But why do relationships change?

There are a large number of factors that can cause misunderstanding between a couple:

• The whole world revolves around the baby. A newborn brings a lot of positive emotions. This little bundle will not be able to survive in the big world without its mother. The baby is part of her, so mommy wants to devote 24 hours a day to him: feeding, loving, caring for, nurturing.
• Metamorphoses that occur with hormonal levels from the first day of pregnancy, after childbirth and during breastfeeding are a colossal shake-up for the female body. They are the ones who evoke a feeling of tenderness and a desire to care for the little person. Hormones are also responsible for milk production, suppressing the formation of estrogens, which cause sexual desire in the fairer sex. Such changes are laid down by Mother Nature. This is a natural defense mechanism against the next pregnancy, for which the body is not yet ready.
• Global lifestyle changes. Previously calm and organized life turns into chaos. A young mother does not have time to adapt to one situation before it changes to the next. Difficulties are added in the form of lack of sleep, fatigue, anxiety and fear of doing something wrong. This takes a lot of energy, and as a result there is no strength for the beloved.
• A man's life remains virtually unchanged. The man has a new status, but he continues to go to work, his responsibilities are the same, and so are his colleagues. Arriving home after a day of work, he sees his exhausted wife, who is only busy with her red-cheeked toddler.
• Lack of paternal instinct. The new dad is perplexed why his beloved devotes so much time to his child. The spouse also needs love and affection, but no one gives it. They forgot about him, no one needs him. A woman does not have such problems, since hormones come to her aid, and dads do not change their hormonal levels and view of relationships. In order not to deteriorate the relationship with his beloved, a man needs to show worldly wisdom and show a new level of understanding of the situation. But a young mother must also understand that she must pay attention to her man, no matter how difficult it may be, and there can be no long-term excuses.

Read also How long before you can put on and how long should you wear a bandage after childbirth per day?

In order not to disturb the previous family idyll that existed before the arrival of the little man, parents need to make a lot of effort.

Most often, the problem of misunderstanding between spouses who had difficulties even before the baby was born is aggravated.

Carrot and stick method

Remember the courtship period? When a man gives a girl a lot of flowers and gifts, and she worships him for this and gives him her affection. So, the first year after the birth of a child should be perceived as a period of courtship in the sense that you need to return the former tenderness to the relationship. A woman is required to care not only for her child, but also for her man. Naturally, in such a period this is a difficult task, but no one said that it would be easy.

Therefore, the wife must do everything possible to show her husband her love and that she has not changed after joining the family.

However, if the girl shows concern, and the guy does not reciprocate her feelings, then it’s time to move on to the whip. That is, remove from family life all those joys that inspire a man. At the same time, the reason for this behavior should be indicated so that he knows why this happens. By the way, men do not understand hints well, so it is better to speak directly, explaining what exactly does not suit the girl. In this way, you will be able to save time and avoid possible misunderstandings and joint grievances.

Tip 1: distribute responsibilities

In the first years you will have to tinker with your child a lot. You need to put him to bed, change his diapers, wake him up at night when he cries, and much more. If one person does all this, family relationships will definitely deteriorate. You need to try to do everything 50% to 50%. Agree with your husband to distribute responsibilities: for example, on Monday you will get up at night if the baby wakes up, and on Tuesday your husband will. The child belongs to both of you, so you both must take care of it. Don’t blame everything with your child on your husband, but don’t take on too much yourself. Maintain balance, and then everything will be fine.

If the relationship is at an impasse

Alas, it is not always possible to solve the problem of a damaged relationship with the help of conversations and feminine tricks. Sometimes it happens that a married couple has come to the brink from which it is difficult to return back. And then the only right decision is to go to a psychologist.

The only trouble is that in our country such methods are considered ineffective.

But believe me, this is the decision that will help save your family.

After all, a good specialist is able not only to listen, but also to give the necessary advice. By performing them, the couple themselves will not notice how life will begin to acquire bright colors again. Therefore, it is worth throwing aside all stereotypes and starting to solve problems the way they deserve. After all, not only the fate of the family depends on this, but also what kind of future the child will have.

Why it is necessary to build relationships

Some give radical advice - divorce and maiden name. But there are at least 2 reasons why you should try to save your marriage, even if constant quarrels and scandals lead to a feeling of futility in further life together.

1. Many children adopt the family model based on the relationships of their parents. If the spouses are happy with each other and have built a strong family, then this will be the norm for the child, and in the future he will focus on such relationships.
2. A child quickly turns from a foolish toddler into a teenager, and then into an adult. In the future he will build his own life. If the wife did not dissolve in the role of mother, but paid attention to her husband, then when the child grows up, she will not have the feeling that life is over: a happy old age awaits her together with her beloved man.

Often women mistakenly think that if they get divorced, then the next marriage will be much better for them. But if you don’t learn to establish relationships, talk and understand each other, then existing problems will appear in the future.

How to preserve love if a man has become a stranger and frequent quarrels occur

Problems have been identified. It's time to work on the mistakes.

No matter how tired a woman is, she needs to find time to communicate with her husband. As you pass by, briefly hug your spouse, bury your nose in the neck, kiss, whispering: “I miss you!” After putting your baby to bed, sit next to your husband on the sofa. Ask something like, “How are things in the wider world?” With a smile, complain that you have completely fallen out of real life.

Even just sitting next to each other, hugging, is already a big deal. Let it be 20 minutes a day, but dedicated only to the two of you.

At this time, it is important for a man to remember that his wife’s schedule is now completely determined by one single little “despot”, with whom it is useless to argue. Don't be angry with your spouse for seeming neglect; rather, try to enjoy the rare moments of solitude.

Involve your husband in child care.

And what difference does it make whether the faithful has managed to become a swaddling ace?! Ask yourself what kind of father you would like for your baby - a little clumsy but loving or indifferent?

Under no circumstances should a father be afraid to take care of his child. The more time you spend with him, the faster you will realize that this baby is a part of you too. At the same time, give your wife an extra 5 minutes of respite.

Don't be shy to ask for help.

But in no case from the position of a victim: “You see that I’m spinning like a squirrel in a wheel! Is it really difficult to vacuum?!”

It is better to agree with your husband in advance - until your life returns to a normal rhythm, he takes on “increased responsibilities” around the house. Let's say he washes the dishes or goes to the grocery store. Men love specifically assigned tasks and hate lectures and reproaches, even if not from strangers. And don’t forget to praise your loved one even for little things. Let him see how much you appreciate his efforts.

In this case, only one thing can be advised to a man: do not be lazy to help. No matter how tired you are during the day, your wife now gets more. Honestly.

Take care of yourself. Don't have time to style your hair? Master simple and quick hairstyles, of which you can find a lot on the Internet. Hairpins, combs and flirty scarves will help you! Don't neglect cosmetics. You don’t need complex make-up with a lot of foundation right now, especially since it will definitely get on your baby’s skin. But any woman can slightly refresh her appearance.

And a few words about losing weight. While you are breastfeeding, there can be no talk of any diet; The child's health comes first. But it’s one thing to eat well, and another thing to eat one bun after another under the motto “now everything is possible!”

Advice to a man. Don’t forget: your friend lost her slim figure not out of love for sweets, but because she gave birth to your common child. Be patient and tactful and give your wife time to return to her previous form.

Advice for both: don't isolate yourself. Resentment and anxiety eat away at us from the inside, like acid. But as soon as you talk and voice what has upset you so much, it turns out that the reason is not worth a damn! But this is only if you are really in the mood to talk, and not debrief each other.

And don’t worry about the deterioration in the quality of your intimate life after childbirth.

Dutch scientists conducted a full-scale study on this topic, interviewing and studying data from several hundred women before and after childbirth. And we came to an unequivocal conclusion: as soon as the recovery period is over, and fatigue and tension subside, the woman’s sexuality is restored in full. What a mother was like in an intimate sense before the baby arrived, that’s how she will remain.

Work on the sensory sphere
The appearance of a new family member should not affect the relationship between spouses.
It is important to maintain the same attraction and the feeling that you are a couple in which there is both physical and spiritual unity.