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How to build trust in a relationship and how to learn to trust a man. Useful advice from a psychologist that will help you understand a rather difficult situation.
Trust is the basis for close relationships. In a way, this gives a sense of stability between partners. Trust is based on a mutual understanding of what partners expect from each other.
How to start trusting a man, advice from a psychologist for distrustful women
Mature partners clearly know how to define the fine boundaries separating acceptable behavior in a relationship and some taboos that are prohibited. What does this mean? Let us explain, if you are confident that your partner will not go beyond certain limits, your level of trust in him and the feeling of security in the relationship increases. Defining such boundaries is extremely important because without it we cannot fully trust our partner.
There are many relationship models. However, to build a relationship based on trust, you should follow these guidelines:
1. Be open about your expectations.
When we are intoxicated with love, partners pay attention only to mutual similarities and “turn a blind eye” to many of the partner’s shortcomings, which can lead to conflict. For example, what do you define for yourself by the concept of betrayal? We cannot, as a rule, read other people's thoughts. And we cannot know what betrayal means for each person, what line he draws between temporary infatuation and betrayal in a relationship. Which actions of a partner can be considered deception and which cannot. You should discuss in advance what types of behavior are acceptable for you and what is not.
Advice for all women: How to make a man fall in love with you - are there any rules in love?
Should you trust your husband after cheating?
The first subject of discussion: the possibility of trusting in his devotion, words, decency towards you, and also not repeating the mistake by hiding it. So, necessity No. 1 will be to analyze his behavior; you may need materials with which it is easy to determine the likelihood of the continuation of his adventures, they are as follows:
- Signs of a cheating husband.
- How to check your husband for cheating?
Take a closer look at how your spouse behaved with you before you learned about what he had done and how he behaves now. Is there a difference? This is very important, because revealing his true habits means understanding whether he will lie in the future or not.
Among the benign habits for which it is worth believing in its correction, psychologists note the following:
- Started helping with household chores;
- Became more loyal towards you;
- Willingly joins the common cause;
- Spends more time with children;
- The attention in your direction intensified;
- Started spending a little more than usual on you and the kids;
- Invitations from friends to leisure events are more often rejected.
Since most women are capable of trusting their husband after cheating in these cases, the study of the topic can be suspended if at least 3 of the above points are met.
Malignant behaviors:
- Careless about everyday trifles;
- Tries to dominate the family;
- Does not comply with simple requests;
- Treats children with disregard;
- Continues to avoid being a major presence in the home.
How to trust your husband after his betrayal in such an interaction? No way!
Important! When carrying out analysis, try not to force a man to change the current components of his temperament and character, because then you will not be able to determine his nature, therefore, the problem will remain unresolved. Just watch, perhaps at this stage you will be able to understand whether you can believe and trust him. If you feel a new feeling of lying, read the article: I suspect my husband of cheating. What to do?
Why women don't trust men
2. Don't be afraid to talk about your suspicions.
It is not healthy or beneficial when people keep silent about their fears and suspicions about their partner, trying to maintain the appearance of a relationship for the sake of love. When you don't talk about your problems, incomprehensible situations that arise most often lead to discord. If you have any suggestions or concerns regarding your partner, it is better to communicate it to him. Try to solve the problem together. If you talk honestly about any problems, it is quite possible that you will soon be able to solve your problems together. Only by discussing the problem together can you overcome unreasonable fears.
3. Be open to each other
Opening up completely to others is not easy, which tends to create fear of uncertainty. Some people, especially those who have been previously “wounded”, are afraid to talk about their fears and show their partner weaknesses. Many cannot admit their feelings because they are afraid of being abandoned again. This behavior creates certain difficulties for building trusting relationships. Trust will only happen when we share our fears and weaknesses with our partner. In return for our openness, we will receive understanding and support, and with it love.
Why they cheat: Why a man cheated - where do lovers on the side come from?
4. Every person has the right to privacy
Trust is not required to completely share the partner's former personal life. You have the right not to talk about all the details of your previous relationship, you have the right to privacy and intimacy. A tactless question about details of the past can create mistrust and lead to misunderstandings between partners. Partners who trust each other do not have the right to interfere in their past lives and ask for intimate details, which is important in a new relationship.
Stephen Covey, a famous psychoanalyst, identifies 13 factors in your behavior with your partner to build trusting and close relationships. Here they are.
Test.
Those who love will never lie, so the best solution would be to identify the coefficient of your spouse’s love for you, for this we have prepared a test. For more accurate results, answer truthfully.
1. Feel like you're hiding something?
2. Do you see and feel support from him?
3. Does he fulfill requests? Helps out?
4. Was there any betrayal on his part?
5. Does your attention often appear in his direction without romanticism?
6. Do you fight often?
7. Were there various types of checks on his part?
8. Does he leave the room where you are when he is called?
9. How does he react to gifts?
10. Are you often jealous and expressive?
11. Do you often point out his shortcomings?
12. Economical? Can he perform his duties at home?
13. Do you think he is tired of his relationship with you?
14. Does it often point out your shortcomings?
15. Is he trying to protect his social media accounts from your supervision?
16. Does he often spend his leisure time without you?
17. Can you remove friends who “annoy” you from social networking pages without asking questions?
18. How often did you notice lies on his part?
19. Have you observed that he stares at other women?
20. Do you love him yourself?
21. Jealous?
22. Does he constantly accuse you of ruining something (his life...)
23. Are you ready to start a family?
24. Does he willingly communicate and make contact with representatives of the opposite sex?
25. How often are your relationships confirmed in the bedroom?
26. When you call, does he often hang up?
27. How do those close to you feel about you?
28. Do you often give surprises in the form of romance?
29. Does he want to create common children with you?
If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!
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Why do cheating happen?
It is important in all stressful situations not to resolve the issue rashly. It is advisable to spend some time in solitude. Find out for yourself what is the reason for the betrayal. After all, sometimes the wife herself can push her husband to cheat. And she doesn’t even notice how she does it. Before we talk about how to learn to trust your husband and give advice on this issue, let’s find out the possible reasons for your spouse’s infidelity.
Let's look at the main situations:
- Once a woman gets married, she simply stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody asks for an ideal figure, but weighing over 100 kg is already too much.
- The girl stops taking care of her wardrobe and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a beautiful and well-groomed wife. Beauty salons are not necessary for this. It’s enough not to walk around at home in front of your spouse in a holey robe and with disheveled hair.
- It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels, reproaches, and humiliation of the husband occur day after day, then even strong love will not save you from betrayal.
- You shouldn't be jealous for no reason. If you interrogate your husband every day and are jealous of every skirt, then this may simply push you to cheat. After all, sometimes men act on this principle: since the wife believes that there is cheating, then why not. Then at least the swearing will be justified.
To strengthen feelings, you need to show your love and loyalty to your husband. But not too intrusive.
Having assessed the situation in a calm state, you can give the floor to your husband if he wants to explain and talk. You don't have to decide everything yourself. All scandals in the family are the mistakes of both. And betrayal is no exception. After listening to all the husband's arguments, you may wonder whether it is worth forgiving your spouse.
You are not a victim
- only you can make yourself a victim;
- only you can make yourself happy;
- Only you can make yourself feel something, no one else.
If you say that a man has disappointed you, you are putting him above, giving him power over your emotional state. Forget all the phrases like: “I will never be happy,” “I can’t trust anymore,” “All men cheat.”
Only you are responsible for your condition. Both happy and unhappy.
Apologies
A person who keeps his remorse to himself is unlikely to be able to earn trust back. Be sincere.
To rebuild your relationship, you need to demonstrate to your partner that you are truly and sincerely sorry for what you did.
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This does not mean that you have to repent your whole life. But if you are not going to repent at all, live as if nothing had happened, and even in any conflict situation
make this clear, then you are hardly worthy of forgiveness. Express your sincere regrets and then move forward; restore what you destroyed with your own hands.
It's a shame to be deceived
However, not all women are able to forgive the humiliation and pain brought by a traitor. Psychologists say that the range of negative emotions is associated with a feeling of shame: you are ashamed to feel deceived.
You cannot forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be in a stupid position. And in order to avoid a repetition of the situation, you prefer to simply avoid new relationships or continue existing ones.
In theory, the answer to the question of how to start trusting men again comes down to the need to forgive yourself for this mistake. You are a living person and you are not able to live an ideal life, and of course, you can make a mistake about someone.
But in life you shouldn’t avoid communicating with the opposite sex. These are neighbors, work colleagues, anyone. Just try to be friends with them. Perhaps you will learn to understand men better.
Why do they cheat
Sadly, they cheat not only on overweight and lazy people, but also on slender, caring wives and successful, sought-after specialists. The reasons are any: from boredom, out of curiosity, because of “momentary weakness.”
In addition, many representatives of the stronger sex are confident that:
- everyone does it;
- will not leave me;
- just think, a tragedy;
- This won't make anyone feel bad.
Just analyze your communication experience. Do you often have heart-to-heart conversations, have you expressed to your loved one your attitude towards betrayal clearly and definitely.
Do you turn to him for advice and support, or do you prefer to rely on the opinions of friends and parents whom you trust more? Perhaps there was no trust between you from the very beginning. Speaking of loss of trust, it is worth understanding what this concept means for you.
In any case, let the person accused of cheating (which may have only taken place in your imagination) speak out. But just be prepared to hear the truth, which will be unpleasant for you. Listening is valuable in relationships.
What to do next, how to live further after the betrayal of a loved one, only you decide. Women tend to give their partner another chance so as not to destroy the family. This decision requires fortitude, but a truly loving man will appreciate such generosity.
In any case, a frank conversation will bring certainty, and therefore relief. But if, after a difficult conversation, you decide to continue the journey “in the same boat,” try not to become overly suspicious, and do not humiliate either yourself or your partner with petty nagging.
