What to do if your husband doesn’t want to work, how to force him

In the modern world, representatives of the fair half of humanity have all the rights equal to men. Women are able to realize themselves not only in the role of mother and homemaker, but also in the social world, business, build a successful career, study, develop not only as a woman-mother, but also as a person in general. At the same time, the other side of the coin appeared - more and more men began to meet who had ceased to be the breadwinner in the family and were fully supported by their wife, refusing to work.

A woman is sad, a man is lying on the sofa

To begin with, it is worth finding out the main reasons for the phenomenon when a man does not want to work, only after determining methods of how to force his husband to work.

Reasons why the husband does not want to work

Some of the most common reasons why a man refuses to work include the following:

The man is used to living at the expense of others. When a man is used to being supported, forcing him to work is usually a hopeless option.
The husband is a creative person. This phenomenon is often found among artists, writers, and musicians. The reason for the unemployment of such a man is that the creative person begins to wait for well-deserved fame to come, the world to recognize his talents, and then wealth to come.
The man is lazy. The reason here is that the feeling of laziness exceeds the impulse to work.

Unemployed man lying on sofa with food

Procrastination for later. The husband is going to spend his “last” day today in front of the TV with a bottle of beer; tomorrow he will definitely “begin the search.”
Bad experience. Due to psychological problems at the previous workplace, there was a fear of repeating unpleasant situations again. Confidence in one's own strength and success is undermined.
Lack of work in your specialty. Some men brush off excuses that five or six years of university cannot be wasted, so he waits for a job in his specialty to come along.
Working "for my uncle." The man explains the reasons for his inactivity seven days a week by saying that he comes up with his own project, since any work for his “uncle” is humiliation for him. A “real man” cannot afford such humiliation.

Types of men who don't want to work

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According to a number of studies, psychologists have found that the following psychotypes of men have no desire to work:

"Misanthrope". This type does not like people and feels discomfort in the company of colleagues and co-workers. The reasons may include psychological trauma, temperament, and character traits.
"Melancholic." This is a sensual type who perceives all his experienced failures quite painfully. Sees problems even where there are none, overreacts to all comments, criticism and demands.
"Sissy". This type is accustomed to the fact that all responsibility was previously borne by the mother or parents, so the situation does not change when a wife appears. There are usually two reasons for this behavior. The first is that in childhood there was excessive guardianship, which broke the will and destroyed the inclinations of initiative. The second is indulgence in every whim, when a man was pampered beyond measure as a child. As an adult, he is sure that he will get everything, free of charge and immediately.
"Careful". This type is afraid of making a mistake, so in order not to fail, he does nothing. The deeper reason lies in self-doubt and fear of doing the wrong thing.

Man with a scared face showing caution

"Narcissus". He considers himself a top-class professional, with no doubt that he was underestimated. As a result, he comes to the conclusion that they are simply jealous of him. Therefore, there is no point in looking for a job: he will still remain misunderstood and undervalued.

A man is a narcissist, with a crown on his head and his arms crossed over his chest

How to encourage your husband to look for a job: 10 tips from experienced people

I found advice from psychologists: the unemployed head of the family is experiencing severe psychological stress and does not believe in his own strength. Your support and participation are very important to him.

The main task of a companion is to restore confidence to the spouse. No need to be ashamed. He is already deeply worried that he has lost his status as a breadwinner and has not lived up to his family’s hopes. We must constantly praise and remind you of previous achievements: you can do it, you will succeed.

According to Rosstat, 53.2% of women and 67.8% of men are employed in Russia. At the same time, the level of female and male unemployment is approximately the same: 4.7 and 4.9 percent, respectively.

Here are tips on how to encourage your husband to look for a job:

Search together: discuss the action plan, vacancies, prepare for interviews, analyze unsuccessful attempts.
Don't aim for a job that pays well. To begin with, any will do, as long as you like it. Even temporary.
Look for options. Is your husband ready to change his profession, learn another profession, or start a business? Support your spouse in a new endeavor - it may turn out to be promising.
Constantly unobtrusively “send” your loved one information about advanced training courses, seminars, and master classes.
Communicate with people who have achieved success in an area that interests your husband.
Share the experience of a family (friend) who found themselves in a similar situation and managed to cope with the crisis.
If the above methods do not produce results, show your husband the financial state of the family in figures: income, expenses. Focus on the things you lost after his dismissal.
The most powerful argument is the future of the child, which you alone cannot provide.
Give your spouse a choice: either you look for a job or we get a divorce. It works for some.
And the last piece of advice is for yourself. Be a companion, not a mommy. Don't put unnecessary responsibility on your fragile shoulders.

These tips apply when your husband has been laid off or his specialty is not in demand. But there may be other reasons why your chosen one is not working. To an infantile man, a mama's boy, a natural lazy person, a gigolo, a misanthrope, different approaches are required. If, of course, you are ready to tinker with such a burden.

The highest “lazy” salary is for game testers (up to 40 thousand rubles per month). About 30,000 is earned by a hostess in a nightclub, and a little less (28,000) by a food taster.

How to motivate your husband to earn money

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No one will argue that a man is the breadwinner of the family, and a woman is the keeper of the hearth. The wife’s task is to properly motivate and inspire the head of the family to earn money. Here are the challenges facing a woman whose spouse does not work:

Make sure the family has common goals. Partners should move towards the same goal, discuss joint plans and ways to achieve them. This will not only allow the couple to get closer emotionally, but will also form a trusting relationship in the family. Men will move forward much faster when they clearly understand where and what result they are going to. This approach, as a component of motivation, is very effective, because the spouse will realize that he has a leading role.

A man and a woman look at each other, set common goals

Allow a man to feel his value and importance. A man needs to feel that he is loved, appreciated and believed, even when things don’t work out for him. With the unconditional support of his wife, a man begins to understand that he has someone to try for. A woman needs to raise the self-esteem of a desperate man. In this case, he will have a desire to do as much as possible, earn money, and improve his professional level. You should also learn to be grateful for all the efforts of your life partner, so that your other half has the desire to give all his best. It is important for a man to realize that he makes a woman happy, including gifts. The desire to provide for a wife is one of the most powerful motivations for men.
Create a suitable environment. The environment, without a doubt, has the most direct influence on a person: it forces him to strive for new goals and meet the required level. To fit into a certain company, it is necessary to have common interests with new acquaintances and correspond to them, including in material terms. If a woman can help a man create a social circle that will inspire him, then the husband will make every effort to become a full-fledged part of this company.

Breaking stereotypes

While the husband is forced to stay at home, psychologists advise saving him from idleness. To do this, you will need to redistribute family responsibilities. The main thing is that there is no overkill in this matter, because a man is unlikely to cope with all the housework. In addition, he needs to leave time to search for a job and undergo interviews.

A woman should not believe that if she fully provides for the family, then she has the right to take the position of an authoritarian leader and communicate with her husband using an authoritative tone and telling him what he should do. In other words, psychologists do not recommend that a lady behave as if she and her husband had changed roles forever. She is advised to choose the right words and make it clear to her husband that he is only helping her temporarily, and there is nothing humiliating in this work.

In such situations, a woman should be patient and not reproach her husband for his idleness. You should also not make scandals, especially in the presence of children. You need to understand that the crisis will definitely pass, but the cracks that have arisen in the relationship are unlikely to be eliminated.

What to do if you can’t force it

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If motivation, persuasion and psychological techniques do not help, then how to make a man work? Here are a few extreme measures for a man to take some action and “get off the couch.”

Stop giving your husband money

Unemployed husband and wife sitting at the table

It is necessary to stop paying for the man’s expenses and buying him food. A normal man would feel awkward asking his wife for money for every little thing. Women's money should go to personal expenses, but not to cover the needs of the family budget. Every monetary contribution to the “common pot” will undermine a man’s motivation to be the breadwinner, support and protection in the family.

Make it feel like all responsibility is on the man. For example, inform your significant other that you quit your job (take a vacation for this period). The spouse needs to realize that now all hope is on him. Achieving, proving, providing, earning money are not women's goals. It is necessary to transfer all dominance to the man. Responsibility for the well-being of the family is a male task, thanks to which representatives of the stronger half of humanity become stronger and more confident.

It may be difficult at first after taking such measures, but it will only benefit the man. All rights and responsibilities for providing for the family should be delegated to the head of the family.

What do you need to be prepared for?

Faced with her husband’s reluctance to work and starting to do something, a woman may find herself face to face with downright unpleasant things. Don’t be afraid to find out which ones, because “forewarned is forearmed!” So:

It's your own fault that your husband doesn't earn enough money. Most insecure women try with all their might to get love and gratitude from a man. All means are used: delicious food, sex, cleanliness in the house and protecting your beloved spouse from all discomfort. Including work. “It’s okay, I can do everything myself, but my husband won’t leave me! After all, I do EVERYTHING for him! This is what such a wife thinks, working hard at two jobs, polishing the floor in the apartment until it shines, ironing a shirt she bought for her husband with her own hands, and stirring truffle julienne with Roquefort cheese. And then he sincerely does not understand why he left her and went to the “bow-legged misunderstanding”, whom he joyfully “plows from morning to night, can you imagine?!”, and even carries her in his arms. Yes, that’s why he left because he was tired of feeling like a pet, and not an adult, independent man!
Your husband doesn't love you - he's just using you. This is painful and unpleasant to realize, especially if you have lived with him for many years and you have children together. How is this found out? It’s very simple: this man doesn’t want to work. He wants to sit on your neck, whine, shout and even beat you (this happens too). He doesn’t want to get off of it either - they feed you, dress you, and “walk” you out into the world. I got used to it, after all. If, despite all the efforts on your part, the man is still unemployed, think about why? Most likely, he does not consider it necessary to work for you. In his opinion, you are not worth such sacrifices. Now think - WHY do you need such a man?
Most likely his relatives will take up arms against you. The classic situation with husbands “Daffodils” and “Mama’s boys”. Of course, you have encroached on the sacred! Make your beloved child work! Be prepared for attacks and even intrigue. Here you will need the support of your husband.
You'll have to show character. Pity is a bad adviser, and its helper is even worse. Do not feel sorry for a man in the usual sense of the word: you are doing him a “disservice.” Your pity will turn him either into a “weapon”, incapable of stable income, or into a tyrant. You will find yourself guilty and, as practice shows, most likely alone.
And another unpleasant “surprise” may await women who want to learn how to make a man earn more: inability to organize a budget. Moreover, female inability. The husband earns a normal amount of money, but the wife literally squanders it on nonsense, demanding more and more.

We really hope that our article will help you find the right solution in the situation with unemployed husbands and get out of it with the least losses. After all, building relationships is not easy and sometimes you need to take certain risks and sacrifices. But if there are sincere and deep feelings between partners, all this pays off many times over and only strengthens mutual affection and respect.

Advice from psychologists

My husband can’t find a job, what to do:

Tip #1. Intimate talk. You should talk to your husband and try to find out the real reasons why he is sitting at home, and whether there are plans to somehow change the situation.
Tip #2. Offer assistance. It is necessary to show a willingness to support the man if necessary.
Tip #3. Help with the search. Offer ideas that your spouse may have overlooked.

The husband is looking at the newspaper, his wife is helping him and standing slightly behind him

Tip #4. Seek help from a specialist. If the reasons are hidden deeply, there is a fear of failure, of not receiving recognition, you should seek help from a professional.

Married couple at a psychologist's appointment

Tip #5. Give an ultimatum. The spouse should be given the choice that if he does not earn money, then his support will cease.

If all measures have been taken, but no changes have occurred, you should seriously think about whether such a spouse is a support and soul mate or more of a burden. Since if a man himself does not want to go to work, then it will not be possible to force him.

A man drinks beer in front of the TV

It should also be taken into account that if there are only promises and no real actions, most likely nothing will change subsequently. The role of the breadwinner in the family will remain with the wife; the man’s attitude towards such a wife will be as to a woman with whom he is comfortable. If this scenario does not suit, then separation will be the best option.

Magic will help

If you are already desperate to convince your spouse that he is wrong, but do not want to ruin the family, perhaps you should turn to magical rituals and conspiracies. If the husband does not want to work, wait for the waxing moon and place a pan filled with water on the stove. when the liquid boils, read the spell over it three times. When the water has cooled, pour it under the tree.

Just as the water was cold, so were you (name of husband or son), cold to work. As the water boiled, the coldness disappeared from you (name of husband or son). True.10

If your husband no longer wants to work, despite the persuasion of his loved ones, take a few of his favorite things (pants, shirts, etc.). In an inconspicuous place, embroider small crosses using threads to match the fabric. While working, say a spell.

Just as the Lord learned carpentry and did not shy away from work, so my husband (son) (name) will not be afraid of work and will enjoy the work. Just as monks fulfill their obedience, so my husband (son) (name) suffers from work and does not run away from work. Just as hermits search for God, so my husband (son) will look for work. Angels to help. Exactly! 10

If the husband does not want to work hard for the benefit of the family, if he is a pathological lazy person, there is another conspiracy that needs to be pronounced when you set the table. While putting food on your husband’s plate, quickly recite the text of the spell. Repeat the same spell when you wash your husband's plate. You need to do this daily until you notice positive changes in your spouse’s behavior.

Just as I wash the dishes for you, I’ll give you a job. If you are diligent, hard-working, a real man, you will help me. For everyone to enjoy. Amen.

If everything related to magic scares you, turn to religion. Pray daily to a saint whose name is the same as your spouse's. Ask the patron to guide him on the true path.