How to raise a man's self-esteem and make him believe in himself

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Category: Current, Video, For men, Psychology, Male development

“You shouldn’t expect the sea to ever calm down. We must learn to sail in strong winds."

– Aristotle Onassis

Hello! Now we will talk about the most important quality for any man - self-confidence. After all, she is the very cornerstone on which everything rests: career success, popularity with girls, friendships and relationships. A confident person easily makes acquaintances and makes contact, always knows what he wants, and is not afraid to insist on his own. But, it is clear that all this is much easier said than applied in practice. And that’s why I, Roman Vinilov, have prepared some tips on how to be a confident man. Or more precisely, how to cultivate this quality, because it is unlikely to appear just like that, out of nowhere.

I think there is no need to talk at length about why confidence is needed. Do you remember how excellent students almost always got the best marks in exams, even if they didn’t prepare much? It wasn’t just a matter of knowledge or reputation; a huge role was also played by the fact that they answered confidently, and such an answer always inspires confidence.

Whatever you do, if you do it confidently and without hesitation, most people will think that you are right. This is a property of the human psyche: we begin to doubt those who themselves are nervous and doubt themselves. This is especially true for relationships with girls - by showing your doubts, hesitations and fear, you lose respect in their eyes. Therefore, it is very important to understand how a confident man behaves and does.

I’ll say right away: of course, there are exceptions, but they only confirm the rule. For example, a girl will be pleased with your indecisiveness if she thinks that you really like her and you are afraid to approach... But then you still make up your mind and approach! Yes, any fluctuations look good only if they are very minor, and in general your behavior demonstrates calmness and inner strength.

Self-esteem and strength of character

There is no need to think that “strong character” is an innate trait. It is not at all necessary; it can and should be developed in oneself. By acting like a strong, decisive person, you will gradually strengthen your self-esteem and be able to become a more confident man.

Here many may argue that it is impossible to strengthen self-esteem if there is no real success. Where can you get them if indecision and fear get in the way? It turns out to be a vicious circle: until you raise your self-esteem, you will not become stronger, and you cannot raise it “out of the blue.” But in reality it seems so only at first glance. Strong and determined people are so strong not because they never suffer defeats - no, they are also rejected by women, they too may be fired from their jobs or not given a promotion. But they do not lose spirit after a loss and are always ready to start over.

This is the main difference between a confident and insecure man. A confident person knows that any failures are temporary and is ready to try again, while an insecure person thinks that failure puts an end to him as an individual. If you want to develop strength of character and increase self-esteem, you need to learn how to try again even through fear. Sooner or later you will be able to achieve success, and this, in turn, will strengthen your self-confidence.

There is one more secret: whatever you do, do not expect approval or praise from others. In the language of psychologists, keep the locus of control within yourself. This means that you must become your own support and judge. Whatever your action, there will always be people who will understand and approve of it, as well as people who will condemn or ridicule it. Therefore, do not focus on others - focus only on what the results of your actions are, whether you are doing something useful for yourself or not.

What is self-esteem

Psychology defines self-esteem as the value of one's own personality. This is what we think about ourselves, our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, appearance, abilities, etc.

Living with uncertainty is bleak and difficult. This is precisely what prevents many from achieving success in business, building a career, or getting the woman they love.

That is, it turns out that low self-esteem is bad. So, high is good? Yes, if it is supported by magnificent appearance, wealth, fame, talents. But often self-esteem is simply inflated, and its owner is an ordinary type with delusions of grandeur. Fortunately, there are also men with normal self-esteem who know about their advantages, but do not cackle proudly about them.

By the way, psychologists explain that self-esteem can be different:

Adequate – if a person can set goals and achieve results.
Inadequate is when a person makes unreasonable claims, or, on the contrary, considers himself worse than others.

For personal development, the most effective option is to have a stable, yet flexible self-esteem. Both overly unstable self-esteem and overly stable, “stallacted” self-esteem are not particularly useful for life.

Self-esteem is often talked about as if it were some kind of fatal diagnosis. If it’s difficult for you to find a solution in some situation, then ah-ah – your self-esteem is low! And normally, any healthy person’s self-esteem is constantly changing, because the personality itself is constantly developing, and its ideas and attitude towards itself are changing. In short, self-esteem is a subjective, life-changing, evaluative idea of one’s activities and behavior.

How a confident man behaves

Now let's take a closer look at what confident behavior looks like, because sometimes we mistake it for ordinary bravado. But there is a difference between someone who is truly confident in himself and someone who is only brave and is ready to quickly “deflate”.

So, a confident man:

Doing something that causes fear - We all have our fears, but a confident person doesn't wait for the fear to pass. He begins to act, overcoming himself, and then the fear really goes away.
Doesn’t brag about his courage - trying to emphasize his merits can only reduce them in the eyes of other people and cause irritation. Don't think that no one will notice your courage and determination if you don't talk about it. Such things are always noticeable without words.
Reacts calmly to criticism - the worst thing is to start making excuses in response to comments or complaints. So you will not convince the other, but will only get involved in an unnecessary argument. The most advantageous position is to calmly say something in the spirit of “I heard you,” and then think about whether there was some truth in the criticism.
He admits that he was wrong, but does not ingratiate himself - this means that there is no need to be afraid of apologies if he really was wrong, but moderation is important in everything. If you apologize, but they continue to reproach you, you have the right not to listen to these reproaches.
Having made a decision, he acts - this is probably the most important way to gain faith in yourself and be a confident man. The longer you wait to take specific actions, the faster your resolve melts, and then you find more and more reasons to do nothing. Don't let yourself drown in the swamp of doubts.
Knows how to say “no” - surprisingly, this task can be very difficult. If you are dependent on the opinions of others, it will be difficult for you to refuse, even in cases where agreeing is completely unprofitable. Meanwhile, it is people who know how to say a firm “no” that evoke respect and sympathy.

Yes, all of the above would seem obvious. But few people know how to do this in practice, which is why people with strong character stand out from the crowd. Although the secret is quite simple: you just need to act despite fears and doubts, and not wait for them to pass.

However, there are also less obvious ways to become a more confident man. They do not directly affect confidence, but they help to find that inner core that is so necessary.

Reasons for low self-esteem

There are many reasons for the appearance of an inferiority complex - everything, as a rule, comes from childhood. Kids have normal self-esteem; they do not have the slightest doubt that everything will work out. Jumping from a window with an umbrella is easy. Running up to hug a dog on the street three times your size is no problem.

It is rare that a child is loved simply because he exists; most often he is loved if he meets expectations. Don’t eat porridge, you’re capricious, you interfere – “I don’t like you, you’re bad.” A person gets used to the fact that others are better, smarter, more capable. But. It's not a disaster.

Now you are already an adult and can fully take responsibility for your life on your own, even if you had terrible parents and your peers did not want to play with you. You are already in charge of your life and are able to cope with problems. But many are stuck in the past and still remember, “Vasya had a bicycle, but I don’t.” We need to throw away all this bullshit and live now, let go of all our childhood failures.

One’s own negative experiences can also lower self-esteem. Here is a man trying to do something, but he couldn’t. One such flight, the second, the tenth, and he gives up and gives up. And the environment does not motivate him, so his own negative beliefs are formed.

How to build self-confidence: non-obvious ways

Avoid fussy movements and haste - all this causes internal imbalance and prevents you from concentrating and acting calmly. Therefore, if you want to give the impression of a strong and decisive person, try to make your gestures larger, calmer, and more significant. There is an expression: “take your time slowly,” and it fits here perfectly.
Try to organize your life - a banal daily routine, having a job and a hobby, some traditions of your own helps to gain stability. Moreover, by putting our affairs in order, we often become more collected and calm, because the external always influences the internal.
Play sports - and don’t think that sports are only needed to pump up muscles. You don't have to be a jock, but it is advisable to have a toned body if you want to gain self-confidence. Yes, you can be overweight or very thin and untrained, but still remain charismatic, strong, and determined. However, why make it difficult for yourself? In addition, playing sports reduces stress levels, which means “playing on your team.”

And, as always, I conclude by offering my video, which also contains some tips on how to become a determined and self-confident man in order to achieve success:

Confidence is not easy: how to cope with obstacles

Raising self-esteem and developing self-confidence is not easy, because, in essence, you need to reincarnate, become a different person, and look at the world differently. The main thing that needs to be won in this case is:

personal fears. Try to sincerely answer the following questions: Do you easily get along with people, especially strangers? If you nod affirmatively, you definitely have phobias. As soon as you can get rid of the fear of making bad acquaintances, falling out of shame into the abyss of the unknown and simply making a mistake, you can do anything.
doubts. These are the so-called “cockroaches” that live in the head along with specific phobias. Stop saying: what if you don’t like me? God forbid I look stupid? What if they prefer someone different from me? Self-esteem can only be corrected by you, and no one else.
excuses. There is no need to reassure yourself and “feed breakfast”, live on the lead of “if only”. Do not blame circumstances and other people, do not try to justify yourself and run away from the initiative. Habitual loneliness is warm and familiar, but with it you will never be able to gain or regain lost confidence.

How to stop running away from real life

The book “A man in isolation. Games, porn and loss of identity” is divided into three large parts: analysis of negative trends in society, search for their causes and specific solutions. The last part is the most interesting, because there you can find atypical recommendations on how to achieve balance in relationships between men and women.

The authors see a solution in changing the education system (for example, they propose increasing the number of male teachers), diet, and the upbringing of boys in childhood.

But all this is only possible in the long term. Therefore, we have chosen tips with which any man can independently change his life. After all, when it comes to change, everything depends only on ourselves.

Turn off the porn

These days, visual stimulants are available, divided into categories and catering to the fantasies of men. But porn doesn’t satiate you, but it takes away your ability to feel pleasure.

After quitting pornography, your dopamine receptors will gradually return to normal, the sensory circuit will be restored, and you will be able to break free of your addiction to instant gratification.

The thing to remember is that there are no quick fixes or magic pills to cure your addiction. Redirect sexual energy somewhere above the waist - into the heart and a sober head.

Do something more useful

To be a gamer today, you need not only to improve your skills, but also to be a physically resilient person. To get closer to the top rating in the game, you need to play day and night without sleep or rest breaks.

Girls also suffer from gaming addiction, but they do not play as intensively as boys: the ratio is 5 hours versus 13 hours per week. Try to use at least part of the time you spend on games to achieve goals in real life.

People in socially disadvantaged conditions are most susceptible to gaming addiction. If you play alone, try to find a friend in the real world - most likely the problem is not an addiction to games, but a lack of communication. This is how you replace real friendship with conversations with unfamiliar players on the Internet.

Maybe games were originally created to inspire people to build a better reality, but today they simply replace it.

Play sports

Another global problem of the 21st century is obesity. This is partly due to the fact that young people are less interested in physical activity and more interested in their computer screens. The habit of a sedentary lifestyle passes with them into adulthood.

In addition to the health benefits of physical activity, there are several other reasons to exercise:

a man who has achieved good physical shape achieves recognition from other people and no longer feels the need to prove his masculinity;
individual sports develop psychological stability and responsibility;
team sports teach flexibility and the ability to work in a team;
sport develops the ability to achieve other goals in life.

Choose loads that are interesting to you. No need to lift weights in the gym. You can take up dancing if you wish.

An important part of sport is social interaction. Therefore, if you are happy with your body, but your heart is not in physical education, build social connections in other areas: take up singing, drawing, playing a musical instrument.

Physical exercise may not make you a professional athlete, but it will make it easier for you to do any task that you consider important.

Make your bed: small victories lead to big ones

Making the bed might seem like such a small thing, but any little thing can have significant consequences. If you start the day with a small victory over your laziness, then you will have the strength to do something more.

Many small things you do regularly build healthy habits that move your life in a positive direction. Therefore, gather your thoughts and make a plan for yourself on how you will achieve your life goals.

If you fail in small things, you will fail in big things.

Discover your source of inner strength

In her book “The Artist's Way,” American writer and film director Julia Cameron advises everyone to exercise “morning pages”: write three pages about everything that comes to your mind. The exercise will help you understand yourself better and get rid of the habit of judging yourself for every action.

Keeping a diary is useful for various reasons: you give vent to negative experiences, understand your feelings, and learn to make short-term and long-term plans. But above all, this is training in honesty with yourself.

Make a female friend

An important point for shy and self-conscious men who do not know how to communicate with women.

Make friends with at least one woman. Establish friendly relations and immediately make it clear that you do not expect anything more. A friend will help you build relationships with the opposite sex, see women not as creatures from Venus, but as interlocutors with interesting views on the world.

Signs of low self-esteem in men

Like various diseases, low self-esteem has its own characteristic symptoms and signs:

A person underestimates himself, deliberately underestimating his achievements and successes. The woman next to him often hears that he is not worthy of her and that he needs to find someone better.
Due to insecurity, the guy criticizes the girl. This doesn't mean she's bad. It's just a young man trying to hide his self-confidence problems.
A man tries to pass himself off as ideal, although this is not true.
It is rare for a person with poor self-esteem to be in a joyful mood. He is usually pessimistic.
Jealousy is a constant companion. Lack of self-esteem leads to mistrust in relationships.

Regain confidence: a guide to action.

Remember all your achievements and victories in life, learn to be proud of the most insignificant of them, “skipping” past mistakes and failures. Recognize your greatest strengths and use them as often as possible. Also learn to accept your shortcomings, trying to use them in such a way as to turn them into a personal highlight.
Don't compare yourself to others, and don't strive to become something you are not. Try to develop your own individuality, style and personal image.
Communicate only with confident people and avoid losers.
Plan your destiny, set goals and achieve them without being timid or modest. It is impossible to regain adequate self-esteem if you speak without clarity and looking eye to eye.
Remember that life is the best teacher. And all teachers were taught to obey from childhood, learning useful lessons. Do not deny new meetings and acquaintances, attend interviews as a kind of communication courses.
To develop something within yourself, you don’t need to know the right time or the “magic kick-off”. Take action right here and now.

Know that your goal is not to eliminate uncertainty, but to learn to outplay it. Over time, your character will change, becoming more hardened and indestructible.

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