What a wonderful scarf with parrots! Thank you, darling
It will go perfectly with that bright orange coat that you gave me on March 8th. Throughout our life together, you have been giving me such amazing things that I would never have paid attention to. And where do you find them? But I am happy with every sign of attention from you. And because it’s not a top hat or a poncho.
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They say that if a husband cheats, the wife is the last to know about it.
A husband in a similar situation will often never know. After all, men are generally less attentive to nuances.
Admit it, you yourself would pay attention to such little things as:
Unexpected change of interests . Your wife has always been indifferent to football (philately, breeding crocodiles at home), but now she has become an expert in this field. In addition, she began to talk about philosophy and quote Schopenhauer every now and then, although before that she only recognized “Mumu” and novels from the “Cupid” series.
Change of tastes. In the third year of marriage, she suddenly discovered that the SAAB is more comfortable than your Moskvich, and that suspenders have long gone out of fashion. Note: just a month ago she thought that Saabs were a breed of guard dogs, and she just gave you braces for your birthday.
Changing the image . She suddenly cut her hair, dyed her hair brunette, went on a diet, became interested in aerobics, lost two sizes and, under this pretext, spent all the family savings on updating her wardrobe.
Unusual animation and stable good mood . Why is she so happy if you’ve been saving half your salary for two months and still haven’t fixed the washing machine? How can you wash your clothes by hand for six months and sing at the same time?! Sudden attacks of loving you and caring for you . They are not motivated by anything and are clearly not deserved by you (remember about half the salary and the washing machine).
Maybe you noticed all this and... were happy? Finally, you can watch football without interference, finally no one nags. Finally, you were appreciated, finally she lost weight and became prettier - for your sake, of course...
Oh well! Certainly!
The main thing is to explain everything correctly to yourself.
If you succeed, it’s for the best. "Blessed is he who believes." Besides, there really is no reason to panic. Firstly, there is one chance in a thousand that this is all really for your sake. Secondly, all of the listed symptoms are not yet a sign of betrayal. This is only “readiness number one” - falling in love. And if you don't really rely on one chance in a thousand, you can even figure out who it is. Remember, doesn’t someone’s name pop up every now and then in her stories? A certain classmate Petya or colleague Vasya? “Petya thinks this,” “Petya bought a car” (isn’t it SSAB?), “Everyone was there except Petya. He has a sore throat." It is likely that later this name will suddenly disappear from use or will be mentioned with deliberate indifference or even disapproval. What marks the transition from intentions to action ….
And then there are other symptoms:
Late arrivals home and vague explanations, irritation in response to the most innocent questions . For example, “Sorry I was late, I was shopping.” - “What were you looking for?” - “You are always interrogating me!!!” Sometimes, however, the explanations are not vague, but very clear and thoughtful and reminiscent of scenes from high school, when an excellent student retells “Wonderful Dnieper in calm weather,” which she has memorized.
Frequent mood and appetite changes . (She also sometimes quarrels with him - not everything is with you and with you. The main thing here is not to interfere, it will be worse).
Increased interest in phone calls (“Did no one call me?”). If the phone is portable, it constantly travels around the apartment in the pocket of her robe (“It’s probably Masha, I’ll come up myself”). Conversations with Masha (in your presence) are strange, more and more “Yes” or “no”, “Uh-huh”, “I’ll tell you later”, but not a word about lipstick, a new skirt or a cellulite remedy. In general, the phone began to act up: when you approach, they always end up in the wrong place. Or beeps. Or silence.
The passion for updating your wardrobe takes on a purely intimate tone . The main object of attention is underwear. The house is filled with lace panties, tank tops, and stockings that you previously only saw in films like “Deep Throat.” Moreover, tender, aspirated questions, like “Darling, do you like me in this lace bodysuit?” you won't wait.
It’s already November, no one has been wearing sandals for a long time, but she still gets a pedicure once a week! And he shaves his legs every day, even when he wears jeans. But last winter I walked like King Kong. Of course, much more can be added to this list, but ten points are quite enough for a diagnosis. Just please don't make sudden movements! So what if all ten coincided? Don't act rashly! You are a smart person, you will probably be able to explain everything correctly to yourself!
What to do if you want to check your suspicions?
Or, if you really don’t have the strength to remain ignorant, you can use simple psychological techniques.
The wife, of course, can tell lies (see Theory of Lies
). But her body will always be sincere. By learning to understand body language, facial expressions, facial expressions, voice intonation, you can always understand the true state of a person, his thoughts, his feelings and emotions. A person’s internal state will always break through, despite his desire to hide something.
Body language and facial expressions quite clearly define the inner world and feelings of each individual. But in order to learn to understand these gestures and expressions, you need to devote quite a lot of time to this. You need to record every little detail in the change in facial expressions.
Every gesture means something, every facial expression (even if it is fleeting and lasts no more than half a second) carries information from the subconscious of the person being studied. In order to learn to “read” the facial expression of your interlocutor, you need to constantly analyze facial expressions. To do this, you can use the basic provisions that determine the human condition. There are about fifty of them. Let's look at the main points that you need to pay attention to (for more details, see Body language: Gestures and facial expressions
):
- The gaze is direct or the person looks at you only briefly. When you are with a person, pay attention to how often he glances at you. Pay attention to the pupils of the interlocutor - the pupils may expand or contract. Does it happen that your interlocutor “hypnotizes” you with his gaze? During direct contact, the direction of the interlocutor’s gaze is important - a sidelong glance or he generally tries not to meet your eyes.
- An important point - pay attention to your opponent’s lips: biting the lower lip, frequent licking of the lips, a crooked smile. A person may examine you on the sly, for some reason not daring to look directly at you.
- Look at the person's chin - it can be pushed forward during a conversation, or it can be retracted. It is also important if the interlocutor rubs his chin.
- A clear marker of feelings is the interlocutor’s ear - he scratches it, twitches it, rubs the lobe with his fingers. Particular attention should also be paid to the nose - wrinkled if you often scratch your nose.
Pay attention to all these points. Please note, even if you have not purposefully studied a person’s behavior, reactions and facial expressions, you still at least partially understand all these hidden beacons. After all, you also use them subconsciously. And if you specifically pay attention and try to analyze these movements, you will learn to look into the very soul of the person talking to you.
And a few more tips:
Try to catch your wife off guard with a question and see if she responds quickly. Longer “ response ” time means more likely to lie. And it can be considered a sure sign of a wife’s betrayal if, in response to this “simple” question, she suddenly starts yelling, screaming, hysterical, accusing her husband of all mortal sins - it means she feels guilty and is trying to shift it from a sore head to a healthy one .
Raise the stakes. Add more emotions. If you say that you won't forgive her if she gets caught in a lie, then the wife will most likely want to give up - a great risk.
Ask a question that requires a yes or no , and repeat until you get an answer. Liars most often do not answer “yes” or “no.” Instead, they seek to hedge their bets by giving vague answers. As a psychological test for the presence of your wife’s infidelity, just ask her a question directly (you will be surprised, but an honest and direct, unexpected attack is often much more effective than roundabout, crooked paths and conversations around the bush), whether she cheated on you.
Pay attention to gestures (or lack thereof) . The thought process required to “come up” with a lie requires energy to be “drawn” from the body. Therefore, contrary to the widespread stereotype, liars gesture less - they save strength and energy.
As for body language, there are rules (see Body language: Facial expressions, gaze, posture and gestures
). So, if a person touches his face with his hands (covers his mouth, scratches his nose), these are signs of subconscious attempts to close himself off, to put a barrier between himself and the interlocutor. If he shifts and shifts from one foot to another, this is a sure sign of a desire to leave, to move away so as not to give something away. You should pay attention to his backward movements when you ask. His head will suddenly move down or back - this is also often an attempt to close himself off.
But still, it should be remembered that a person is an extremely complex mechanism, and for some the above may be fair, for others it may be wrong. As a rule, you can determine whether a wife is lying or not only after you have observed her in her comfortable environment.
PS. It is believed that for a man, a husband, unlike a woman, it is much more difficult from a psychological point of view to come to terms with the idea that he was cheated on, that another male was preferred to him, that he was no longer loved, he and his love, his warmest and brightest feelings were betrayed and cruelly reduced to the very the bottom of marital humiliation.
Therefore, the answer to the question “Did she cheat on me or not?” for most men and part-time husbands, it is a kind of psychological rubicon: after receiving a clear and precise answer, a man stops doubting and tormented - he begins to act: either severely limits his wife in finances, communication with “girlfriends” and friends, or begins to hang around with her everywhere , controlling her every step, or, what happens most often, upon receiving a 100% affirmative “Yes! I cheated!” followed by divorce, division of children and property...
I will immediately disappoint all husbands who feel like unhappy cuckolds, but cannot prove this with the actual base of material evidence, that there are no and cannot be 100% correct and truthful signs of a wife’s infidelity. Each woman is unique, each married couple is unique in its own way, therefore, there are no common signs of proof of a wife’s infidelity for all cases. Based on materials from netizmen.ru, www.womanway.ru
Treason is the deadliest lie
The above types of lies do not add optimism, but patient and wise women will find strength and ways to reconcile with them. When it turns out that a lie masks betrayal, few will be able to forgive and understand it. It is worth noting that if the infidelity is isolated, the husband regrets it and asks for forgiveness, then it makes sense to try to rehabilitate the relationship. When a spouse cheats constantly, hiding behind a network of endless lies, there is little hope for saving the marriage.
Advice from a psychologist: what to do if your husband is lying?
Perhaps you keep your spouse on a short leash: you call all the time, check where he is and with whom, why is he 5 minutes late from work? Believe me, total control will certainly give rise to lies. A person has a personal protected space that you invade too often.
No matter how difficult it is, give your other half freedom of action and movement. Otherwise, instead of everyday lies, more serious reasons for concern will appear. Respect your husband's personality. Despite the clearly visible stamp in your passport, it is not your undivided property. He has his own hobbies, friends, problems with which he does not want to burden you.
Let us illustrate the theory with a clear example. A tired man went to a bar after work with a friend and lightened up his dinner with a glass of beer. The missus traditionally meets him at the doorstep with the expected “Oh, you…. " What's left to do? I had to tell a white lie that I was late at a meeting with partners and was forced to “sip a little,” as “accepted in corporate ethics.”
The same thing happens when a wife torments her husband with jealousy. By asking your colleagues in detail about their relationships with women, you run the risk of hearing a fair amount of misinformation, so as not to make too much of it. Try to show more trust and mutual understanding. This really helps.
