How to regain a guy's trust after lies, betrayal, betrayal: advice from a psychologist

Is it possible to regain trust after betrayal?

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Trust is a simple but very meaningful word. It is trust that is the basis of any relationship, since trust, this invisible substance

, like powerful cement holds together that without which normal relationships are impossible.

If there is trust in your relationship, then you will sleep peacefully at night, feeling peace and tranquility. And it is trust that makes every phone call, every text message from your partner so welcome and enjoyable.

. And only thanks to trust can any relationship be preserved even when the partners remain for a long period of time at an arc distance from each other.

Is it possible to learn to trust after cheating?

Of course you can. But you have to try. Not only should the traitor want to regain trust, but you yourself. You were hurt, and now your soul is defending itself. Of course, it would be safer not to trust anyone ever again. But will you live so well without trust?

Have you ever walked in high heels? This is difficult for most women. But how the gait changes, how the gaze of men changes, how self-esteem changes! You already feel like a queen, having risen at least 4 centimeters above the ground. But sometimes falls happen because of the heel. The higher the heel, the more expressive and painful the fall. Yes, if there were no heels, it wouldn’t hurt. However, the pain goes away. You have to decide - do you want to look at the world from above again, or is it better without risk, but more reliable?

It's the same with trust. You can live without it. Relying only on yourself, playing it safe, expecting a trick from the whole world. This approach is safe, but it greatly limits your life. You will be deprived of emotional intimacy, spiritual unity, your soulmate.

Therefore, it is worth trying to overcome the defenses of the soul and learn to trust again.

Set the record straight

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When betrayal occurs, this event is perceived as a disaster - nothing less. Emotions run high, a stream of mutual accusations begins, which develops into some kind of long-term military conflict

. However, nothing in this world happens for nothing. Everything needs a reason. And to clarify, we need to dig deeper.

Did something happen between both you and your partner that should have been addressed sooner, but was ignored?

Talk to your partner. Try to figure out what happened and why. You may be bursting with anger, no doubt, but if you really want reconciliation

, you MUST learn to listen to each other. The answers that are heard in such a dialogue often allow you to get to the bottom of that very first wormhole that appeared in your relationship long before the betrayal.

Cheating itself is just a symptom (and not the only one), but not the main problem.

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It is very important that both sides show a desire to start this dialogue - open, honest, although very painful. In other words, both sides

must be sincerely interested in:

• clarify what happened;
• be ready to re-concentrate the efforts that are necessary to rebuild the relationship again.

If this does not happen, then your relationship will surely die, agonizing in a flood of pain, regret and resentment.

Test: will you be able to get your relationship back?

Will the above work for you? How suitable are you for him? Find out the coefficient of his feelings in a relationship, if it was high, there are more chances, if it was low, there is no chance. The honesty of the answers given to the questions will affect the accuracy of the result.

1. Jealous?

2. Do you think he's tired of his relationship with you?

3. How often did you notice lies on his part?

4. How often are your relationships affirmed in the bedroom?

5. Is he trying to protect his social media accounts from your surveillance?

6. Do you fight often?

7. Does your attention often appear in his direction without romanticism?

8. Do you see and feel support from him?

9. Are you often jealous and expressive?

10. Do you love him yourself?

11. Was there any betrayal on his part?

12. Does he willingly communicate and make contact with representatives of the opposite sex?

13. Do you often point out his shortcomings?

14. Does he fulfill requests? Helps out?

15. Can you remove friends who “annoy” you from social networking pages without asking questions?

16. How do those close to you feel about you?

17. Does it often point out your shortcomings?

18. Do you feel like you're hiding something?

19. Does he constantly accuse you of ruining something (his life...)

20. Does he often spend his leisure time without you?

21. Does he want to create common children with you?

22. Economical? Can he perform his duties at home?

23. Are you ready to start a family?

24. Were there any checks of various kinds on his part?

25. Do you often give surprises in the form of romance?

26. Have you observed that he stares at other women?

27. When you call, does he often hang up?

28. How does he react to gifts?

29. Does he leave the room where you are when he gets a call?

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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Identify motives

People do certain things for certain reasons. Usually these actions are rational and important to the one who performs them. And such an act as treason is no exception. People who committed treason

, may feel hurt, lonely or unappreciated. Most often, they try to find on the side what they do not get from their partner.

Take a standard situation: one of the partners in a relationship receives less attention from the other. For what reason he is not given this attention is another question. Perhaps one of the partners is too busy with their career

, devotes a lot of time to friends or there were other reasons. And a person who suffers from a lack of this attention quite reasonably looks for it on the side.

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If on the path of such a person he meets someone who is ready to pay maximum attention, who is ready to spend all his time on communication and courtship

, it will not be difficult for him or her to reach the heart of a person deprived of this same attention.

It is also possible (and this is not uncommon) when the partner who was cheated on blames himself for what happened. There are also difficult situations when you did everything right, giving to your partner

the maximum that people in a relationship can usually give each other. But your partner still cheated on you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

Motivation also plays an important role in maintaining or repairing relationships. And then it’s no longer so important what exactly led to the betrayal

– dissatisfaction with your sex life, some small old grievances, lack of the same attention.

How to regain trust in a man if he cheated

Restoring trust in a family where betrayal has occurred is a complex and often long process. In order to bring yourself closer to the desired result, you need to make a decision about your behavior not with your friends, drinking wine out of bitterness, and not after another squabble with your husband. The best thing in this situation is a clear head, the most neutral emotions and advice from a specialist.

Psychologist and body-oriented wellness therapist Elena Shubina advises how to restore trust in a family.

What should you think about after cheating?

Before taking action and starting to live an “ordinary life,” or rather, restoring an ordinary life, Elena Shubina suggests answering 3 questions honestly, no matter how painful and difficult it may be:

1. Will I be able to forgive and live with this person as before, without claims, accusations, reminders and fear that everything will happen again?
2. Will he be able to come back and love me as before, and maybe even stronger, will he be able to do everything so that I trust him again and can trust myself?
3. Do the two of us have the strength and desire to get through these trials and make our family stronger than we found it?

The expert warns: “If the answer to these questions is: “no, I’m not sure, partially,” then know that it may well happen that you will not be able to save your family, and then it is better not to waste time, but to try your luck with someone else " In this case, the question of returning trust no longer exists.

What should a woman do to restore trust?

Regaining trust is complex internal work, and it is difficult to do alone if the situation directly depends on another person, in this case, your husband. Even if you are a strong-willed woman and make a categorical decision “To have a family!”, it is unlikely that at one moment your mood will change dramatically without the special efforts of your husband.

Therefore, the most important rule is the very first thing you can do to regain trust in a man:

1. Don't force yourself!

Having forgiven, you promise yourself to never think about cheating , not to reproach your husband, etc. But until trust is restored, do not force him to behave as before. Don't force yourself to forgive and start trusting at the same time. It won’t work out anyway, you’ve been through too much emotional stress.

Also, don't rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need. A process like forgiveness is very difficult to fit into a time frame. The options “in a month,” “before lunch,” or “by next Monday” still won’t work. The opposite behavior can lead not only to a deterioration in your mental state, but also to illness.

The psychologist warns: “If you convince yourself that you have already forgotten and forgiven everything, and can already trust, when all your communication still says the opposite, you will drive yourself into neurosis (this is at best), or even “earn” an illness . Tell yourself: “I will do everything so that the ability to trust comes to me in a timely manner. I'll give myself and him time. It won't be a big deal if I keep an eye on him for now. It’s better than rushing and feeling cheated again.”

2. Set a deadline for checking and agree on this with your husband

Without forcing yourself to “forgive until the New Year,” you can easily set a very specific period during which you will look closely at your husband. During this period, a number of agreements may be in effect at your home that will help you understand, forgive, or definitely decide that you cannot do this.

Agreements may include a partial narrowing of your spouse’s personal space; in particular, he can share his passwords for email and social networks. And/or he may not interfere if you want to check his phone or diary.

“Agree that you will check on him for a while. I know men who let their wives look into their cell phones and gave them their email passwords just so they could forgive and forget as quickly as possible. “All this means nothing, if he wants to hide something, he will hide it anyway,” - of course, you say... This is both true and not true.

Most people are still not so cynical as to purposefully create other accounts, codes, addresses and passwords for these purposes (this is partly why they get caught cheating). And the right to check, given voluntarily and with good intentions, is indeed more than beneficial for relationships. And by the way, usually after it you don’t want to check on anyone at all,” the psychologist suggests.

Also, ask your husband to be more attentive to you, ask him to give you more information and explain his behavior if something new happens. For example, if earlier you knew for sure that on Wednesdays he was late because he was playing bowling with friends, now this bowling can develop in your eyes into much more colorful pictures. Ask him to call and warn you, the “default” or “you already know” option no longer works.

Important! Remember that being able to check and checking are two different things. Don’t turn into a paranoid detective, in such conditions your husband, even if he really decided to change, won’t last long, and your nerves will give out from constant tension. Manage to get out of the state of checking in time, because after you forgive, your husband’s personal space should return.

3. Develop a culture of conversation in the family

Suspicions and omissions do not make a family happy. Probably everyone knows the “snowball” effect, when small understatements and unspoken grievances accumulate and, over time, bury all the good things that exist in your family. Now you not only shouldn’t allow yourself to behave like this, you shouldn’t!

Get serious about rebuilding your relationship.

How valuable was the relationship that ended in cheating to you? If the first passions

After you find out about the betrayal and have settled down, ask yourself the following three questions:

• Am I ready/willing to interact with her/him despite what happened?
• Do I still love her/him?
• Am I ready/willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this crisis in the relationship?

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These are complex questions that cannot be answered immediately, offhand. warm feelings and respect left in you

, which could become the basis for restoring relations. Ask yourself, for example, are you able to have fun together and share each other's company most of the time?

If you answered “yes” to all of the above questions, then, despite the long and difficult path left behind, it makes sense to make an effort to move forward together

. If you are willing to dedicate your lives to each other, if you are sincerely willing to work together to figure out the situation together, then the chances remain that will allow you to overcome these difficulties together.

If you accept this, then you need to move on. There should be no indecisiveness. Now you have a simple choice - all or nothing

. If you hesitate, then you are not ready to restore the relationship.

How to restore a relationship after cheating: the opinion of experts in the field of psychology

To regain the trust of a loved one, you need to understand that lies can hurt men more than physical violence, especially when it comes to the appearance of a rival in a relationship. Representatives of the stronger sex experience infidelity much longer and more difficult than women do.

Therefore, it is better to simply leave a man experiencing the betrayal of a loved one alone, giving him time to think and digest the situation. Taking into account the peculiarities of male psychology, you need to prepare for the fact that the period of adaptation and making a final decision can last up to two months. In the meantime, a woman who does not want to lose her loved one, in turn, can try to take several steps to restore the relationship.

Contact a family psychologist

Jacob Lund

A civil engineer has an excellent understanding of construction; surgeon - in how the human body functions; and the psychologist deals with the complexities of human relationships. And if this were not so, such a specialty simply would not exist

. Almost always, rebuilding trust and wanting to rebuild a relationship is a difficult choice that requires courage. Sometimes with a lot of courage.

And since you have taken this step, but are experiencing difficulties on your chosen path, then why not take another one - turn to a family psychologist? People who are professionals

in matters of relationships and psychology in general, they know what to pay attention to first of all in such cases.

You and your partner may be quite smart and experienced, but you don't have to know, for example, how to operate on appendicitis. And don’t be embarrassed by the fact that you don’t know how to proceed after cheating.

. Third-party help, if it comes from a real professional, cannot be overestimated in this situation.

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A psychologist for those who have decided to cope with betrayal, forgive it and rebuild a relationship with the same partner, this is akin to a pilot who will guide your ship through stormy waters, avoiding rocks and reefs

. This is exactly what is needed not only by the person who was cheated on, but also by the one who committed the betrayal.

About trust

Trust takes a long time to return, so every cheater should be patient. It will not be possible to return everything back in one day or even a week. Lack of trust is the result of the actions of the cheater himself. Since he made an effort to change, then he needs to make an effort to regain trust.

How to do it?

1. Communicate with your partner, and about any little things, including feelings, how your day went and thoughts.
2. Pay more attention to your partner so that he knows where you are and how much you want to be with him.
3. Always remain honest. Answer all your partner’s questions directly, don’t dodge.
4. Extinguish conflicts. Quarrels will arise, but it is important now to give in and resolve them immediately so that mistrust does not develop on their basis.

However, do not go as far as self-humiliation and self-flagellation. Continue to be a person who is worthy of love and respect, and a partner, a friend to your soulmate. You don't have to make your loved one a slave just because you cheated and now want forgiveness.

Please note that many people use cheating situations to their advantage. Since they have been cheated on, they begin to force their partners to become their slaves, humiliate them and blame them for everything. If this is your situation, then you clearly went down the wrong path. You must remain equal with your partner, otherwise it is better to break off such a relationship.

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Forgiveness

You were fighting for your relationship. You worked tirelessly to overcome what happened. Your relationship is still quite fragile

, but at least you continue to work together to preserve and strengthen them.

Sometimes, despite the fact that you have not separated and hope to overcome the crisis

, feelings of resentment and even indignation persist. This only says one thing - the betrayal was not forgiven.

And then the victim of betrayal begins to use the situation in such a way as to extract various advantages from it. Phrases such as “it’s not for you to talk about this after what you did/did”

into your communication
every now and then . Treason begins to be used in disputes as a reproach; the person who has been cheated on constantly reminds the perpetrator that he has crossed a certain line.

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In other words, the victim of betrayal considers himself entitled to act as a kind of executioner (which, in fact, happens all the time). This means you haven't gotten over the betrayal yet.

– you, both partners. The cheater, perhaps, constantly feels guilty, giving in to disputes and conflicts.

This is a dead-end path that will not allow you to restore dilapidated relationships. Maintaining them for some time is possible. But build strong and trust-based

Only complete forgiveness will help the relationship rebuild. Complete forgiveness is when the victim of treason forgives the perpetrator of treason, and the perpetrator of treason forgives himself.

How can a man forgive?

Not only men, but also women cheat. This is why absolutely everyone who cheated has to regain trust. But what should those who have been cheated on do? Men experience the same unpleasant emotions as women who have been cheated on. They also become depressed and at first do not understand what has happened.

However, time passes and the moment comes when you need to decide: stay or leave? Can a man forgive a woman for cheating? Maybe. And here both the man and the woman will have to make considerable efforts.

1. First, a man needs not to blame himself and his woman. One of the mistakes of all devotees is that they blame themselves or the cheaters for everything. But you don't need to do either one or the other. Cheating is a clear indicator that something is wrong in a relationship.
2. Talk frankly with your loved one to resolve all issues. Why did she change? What happened in your family that made her decide to cheat? Does the woman repent of what she did? Does he want to save his family? Is she ready to work further on the relationship and change it, while remaining faithful to you?

The woman needs to regain trust. Meanwhile, the man must work on forgiving the woman. If both partners try, they will succeed.

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Give each other time

If someone has had an accident that results in a fracture, it will take a long time for the fracture to heal. But even then he will remind himself

, whine in bad weather, require special care and attention. Unfortunately, for many, betrayal turns out to be much more painful than a fracture.

A broken heart, even if you try to “glue it back together,” can take years to heal. Therefore, you should not be surprised that the situation does not let you go after a month, six months or even a year.

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According to psychologists, if couples manage to survive infidelity, it sometimes takes up to three years for the situation to be completely resolved

. Of course, a lot depends on the circumstances; much depends on the depth of feelings, on the sincerity of subsequent relationships.

However, if you are determined to restore your relationship, if you are ready to survive this difficult moment, give and earn forgiveness, you will need patience

. You must go through stages of anger, despondency, distrust, vulnerability and perhaps a feeling of shame. It is necessary to drink this bitter cup to the fullest.

Do not try to speed up this process - it is almost impossible. Take one small step towards each other

. Contact a psychologist when obstacles arise. Continue to move slowly in the chosen direction until the long-awaited healing finally comes!

Practical ways: regaining trust

Patience

When lies, betrayal, and loss of feelings arise in a relationship, global changes await the couple. First, figure out whether you need such an alliance?

If you want to save your relationship, then think about how to restore sincerity and trust to your union. Avoid manipulation, do not resort to forcing someone to forget about the situation.

Step by step

Loss of trust after a lie is an adequate reaction of a normal person.

Real actions can correct circumstances:

• Start warning when you are delayed;
• Tell us about how your day went in every detail;
• Don't promise what you can't deliver;
• Reduce communication with the opposite sex;
• Spend more time with your partner;

All this happens in small steps; it will not be possible to quickly rehabilitate your former feelings.

Confidence

To help in rehabilitation after deception or betrayal - a personal demonstration of complete trust in your partner:

• Avoiding jealousy without reason;
• Don't overload with questions.

Calmly accept control from your loved one. Possible surveillance can infuriate a normal person, but you should tolerate it for a while. Your partner must believe in your decency, honesty, and only then can he calm down and stop watching.

Subsequence

Let your feelings take their natural course, but don't assume that the situation will be resolved without effort. If there is misunderstanding or reticence between the partners, the situation will only become more complicated. Try to talk frankly with your partner, admit your guilt and resolve all troubles at once, be sure to end your dialogue on a peaceful note.

Avoid scandal

During times of emotional instability, avoid making decisions. Otherwise, you may regret your decision. Calm down, weigh the pros and cons, and only then draw conclusions.

Be extremely transparent

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Yes, be transparent, literally like glass! After cheating has occurred and attempts are being made to repair the relationship, transparency is required from both partners, not just from the perpetrator of the betrayal.

, although this is primarily expected from the guilty party. Full transparency is essential to rebuilding lost trust.

Don't give your partner a single chance to think that you are hiding anything from him again. Don't hide anything, don't keep secrets

, because secrecy and secrets in your situation can be detrimental to the process of restoring relationships.

For example, if the phone rings, it would be unforgivably stupid not to let your partner know who exactly called you and for what reason. On the way to building a new relationship with an old partner

it is necessary to forget about small personal secrets. The period during which you will restore lost trust is simply inevitable in your relationship.

How to get a guy back after a girl cheats on you? Advice from a psychologist.

Many psychologists are not able to help if after the question “How to get a guy back after cheating?” , analyzing the girl’s story, they understand the scale and significance of the mistake she made. The consultation is paid, but there is little advice; friends and friends with their recommendations can make the situation even worse, since they themselves are not “in a sinking ship.”

Do an analysis of the last meeting with a guy where you had a dialogue or swearing. It is necessary to find out how strong the psychological discomfort received by the young man is. It directly depends on him whether he will be able to return his loved one or not. It's also a good idea to think about your future. Are you ready to share your future with a person who fervently believes that you will repeat the offense at any opportune moment?

It is necessary to determine by what parameters he selected you and made you his object of love. Note:

• A guy who doesn’t have a brilliant mind will choose a smart one;
• A thin person will choose someone who is inclined to be overweight;
• A brown-eyed girl will suit a blue-eyed or gray-eyed girl;
• A tall person will look for a “pocket”, that is, a low one;
• Jock slender;
• Choleric is melancholic and vice versa;
• Phlegmatic sanguine and vice versa.

What causes this? Because we are looking for representatives of the opposite sex who are as similar to us as possible. Otherwise, sooner or later situations arise with numerous grievances, psychological manipulations in order to change the other half to your preferences, but no one has ever succeeded in this, hence disappointment comes. When trying to find out how to get a guy back if his girlfriend cheated on him , you also rely on the points described above.

If you understand that none of the above aspects apply to a broken union, any attempts will fail - you are simply not suitable for each other. You need to understand that today nothing binds you:

1. There is no common child;
2. The union is not registered in the registry office;
3. There is no jointly acquired property.

In a word, nothing can keep him with you, which means restoring the past will be more problematic than with even a civil marriage. In addition to this material, we recommend that you read this: Will a guy forgive cheating?

Cut off old connections

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If you are the same person who, having committed infidelity, betrayed the trust of your partner, you need to cut off all ties with the person with whom you cheated.

. This means that it is necessary to exclude all phone calls, all messages, all email correspondence, not to mention any personal visits.

Once you and your partner have decided to go through this situation together, there should be no “last or goodbye” meetings with the one with whom you cheated. No contact at all!

If you've decided to leave this stage of your life behind, then that's where it belongs. Your partner who is trying to forgive you deserves it.

Perhaps you had reasons for doing what you did. However, you now have even more reasons to restore your broken relationship.

. And if you try to do this by maintaining contact with “that person,” then you will not succeed.

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Even if you have business ties with such a person, cut them off too. Otherwise, your partner simply will not have enough internal strength to restore his trust.

to you. Few people are ready to accept the fact that their partner maintains at least some connection with the person who almost destroyed their life together.

Cut off the tail immediately

The partner who committed the betrayal must completely stop all communication with the third party. This means no phone calls, messages, letters, coffee meetings, etc. No last minute meeting to talk.

No contact means no contact. If it's over, it's over. Your partner deserves it. You may have had your reasons for doing what you did, but you have a better reason for repairing the relationship. This will not happen if you continue any communication with a third party. Your partner will not be able to rebuild trust if he finds out that you are still seeing and talking to the person who almost ruined your life together.

Stop discussing what happened

Treason has taken place. Both partners decided to continue living together, strenuously fighting for lost trust, jointly building on the ruins of past relationships

new relationships. Relationships for the sake of a future life - happy, full of trust. In other words, you both decided to move forward together.

This means that once clarity has been established and the motive has been determined, it is necessary to stop discussing what happened. We need to stop discussing cheating

, return to it periodically in your conversations, adding salt to an unhealed wound.

There is no better analogy than this: imagine that you get seriously injured. You received stitches and a bandage. But you, instead of giving the wound time to heal

, periodically you tear off this same bandage in order to... look at your wound. This is reminiscent of the behavior of a masochist, isn't it?

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If you sincerely want to recreate a strong relationship with the same partner again, leave the past in the past. Live here and now. Learn from what happened, make the necessary conclusions and judgments

, and then move forward. Otherwise, the healing period may take much longer (if healing occurs at all).

RESTORING TRUST

I gave this definition without emphasis on the sexual sphere in order to emphasize: the main thing in betrayal is the loss of trust. This is important because the fact itself will remain in memory for a lifetime, but trust can be restored.

My 25 years of experience in treating psychological and sexual problems associated with infidelity shows that the solution to the problem begins and ends with restoring trust. In the process of restoring trust, the partner needs to learn to be open and honest in everything.

It is not simple. Many deceivers pretend during therapy that they are trying to change. In fact, they continue to lie, this tactic works, but sooner or later their partners again catch them in deception.

If you are sincerely repentant and want to save the relationship, you need to try to become completely honest

The most effective way to break up with your partner is to lie constantly. Conversely, if you are truly remorseful and want to save the relationship, you need to try to be completely honest and work on rebuilding trust in the relationship.

Trust is not restored just because one partner stops cheating on the other. It can only be gradually brought back if you make a commitment to constantly tell the truth, no matter how painful it may be. A cheater stops being a cheater when he starts telling his partner about everything: about gifts for children and going to the gym, financial expenses and mowing the lawn and, of course, about all social connections, even those that the partner does not like.

Keep your promises

If you committed adultery and are given another chance, you have an incredible responsibility. It's clear that you should be completely transparent and not lie to your partner. But this is not enough.

Now you must also be careful about what you promise. And if they promised, then they must do everything to keep these promises.

Say only what you mean and don't give false hope. Your optionality for a long period of time

will be perceived as a lie. Even a small attempt to embellish something can cause a suspicious attitude towards you.

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Each of your misdeeds will respond with a new blow to the structure that we call restored relationships. And any of these blows could be the last, destructive

. Not only be honest with your partner, but show that you are consistent and dependable.

Do together what you both liked before cheating

After betrayal, even if you have declared your readiness to survive it together, it is quite easy to get bogged down in everyday trifles. It’s very difficult to immediately abstract

from what happened and move on with your life. However, answer the following question: what was your relationship based on before the betrayal?

Any relationship is initially characterized by pleasant moments that need to be returned to again. Have a confidential conversation with your partner. Remember the things you did together

, and which gave you a mutual feeling of happiness. Think about all the places you have visited before; remember where you felt comfortable and warm together.

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It's time to visit them again! It's time to make dates again in the same places, go to the same cinemas, visit the same entertainment venues, cafes and restaurants. Such behavior will psychologically return

you back to the good times. Take them as a basis. And then organize new pleasant moments.

Cheating always brings chaos into the life of a couple, tearing it apart, breaking it into multiple pieces. The sharp claws of betrayal leave deep wounds on the heart, which take a lot of time to heal. However, they can be cured.

Sometimes it is simply necessary to destroy something shaky in order to build something stronger in its original place. And sometimes, in order to move forward, it is useful to look far back.

Bottom line

Trust returns gradually, and accordingly, intimate rapprochement also occurs gradually. Don't try to immediately restore intimacy after cheating. If your partner shuts you out, give him time to get used to you and want you again.

Don’t make betrayal a reason for separation and constant mistrust. If you want to save the relationship, then start eliminating those gaps in the alliance that led to the betrayal. This is the work of two people, not just the one who cheated. This work is possible if both partners want it and make efforts.

Apologies

A person who keeps his remorse to himself is unlikely to be able to earn trust back. Be sincere.

To rebuild your relationship, you need to demonstrate to your partner that you are truly and sincerely sorry for what you did.

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This does not mean that you have to repent your whole life. But if you are not going to repent at all, live as if nothing had happened, and even in any conflict situation

make this clear, then you are hardly worthy of forgiveness. Express your sincere regrets and then move forward; restore what you destroyed with your own hands.

A white lie is also a lie

Absolute honesty is a matter of behavior, not thoughts and fantasies. If you couldn't resist communicating with your ex, you need to tell your partner about it. But if you're just thinking that it would be nice to call or meet up with your ex but don't take action, it's okay to tell a friend or therapist, but not your spouse.

Stephen Arterburn and Jason Martinkus, in their book Trustworthy, describe absolute honesty as “I would rather lose you than deceive you.” They write: “There needs to be a shift in your paradigm for honesty. The truth should be your number one priority.” The authors argue that an ex-cheater should always tell the truth: “If your wife asks you if her favorite pants make her look fat, you should tell her what you really think.”