Consultation “Children's fears. Causes of occurrence and methods of correction"

Fear is a very strong emotion, but necessary for a person: it accompanies the instinct of self-preservation and helps to avoid dangers. Such “correct” fear is a person’s ally. But there are many “wrong” fears that fetter our minds, preventing us from living calmly and feeling happy. Age-related fears that every person experiences at different stages of their development can either pass or transform, go into a deeper phase. The most dangerous in this sense are fears that arise in childhood and do not go away as the child grows up. They leave an indelible imprint on the rest of your life. Therefore, it is important for parents to know what children’s fears are, what their types are, how they manifest, how to recognize and deal with them.

Types of fears

In psychology, fears are generally divided into age-related and neurotic. Age-related ones arise in most children at a certain age, as a reaction to mental and personal development. Their main characteristic is transience. They usually do not have pathological severity and disappear as the child develops.

Neurotic ones most often appear against the backdrop of a psychotraumatic situation and can become fixed in the child’s mind for a long time, adversely affecting the formation of the character and personality of a growing person. Such fears arise more often in children who are emotionally sensitive, lack self-confidence, anxious, and have a rich imagination.

In a deeper understanding, fears are divided into the following types:

• By the nature of occurrence: situational and personal. Situational is associated with the occurrence of a dangerous situation (for example, falling and getting injured), personal is determined by the characteristics of the child’s psyche (shyness, uncertainty) and often occurs in an unusual environment, a new team.
• According to the degree of reality: real and imaginary. Real fears are most often situational; imaginary fears are associated with the characteristics of the child’s psyche.
• According to the depth of the course: acute and chronic. Acute fears arise in a certain situation, chronic fears occur in children with a predisposition to anxiety.

Age fears

Children's fears that arise at a certain age are an indicator of the normal mental and mental development of the child. In the absence of provoking conditions, they replace each other without having a negative impact on the child’s psychological state.

• From birth to one year.

Natural fears - fear of loud sharp sounds, strangers, changes in familiar surroundings, fear of heights, separation from mother.

• 1-3 years.

Added to this is the fear of injury (due to increased physical activity), natural phenomena (thunder, strong wind, thunderstorms), and the fear of being unloved and unwanted by parents. There may be a fear of falling asleep due to nightmares (in very impressionable children), constipation, as a response to the fear of losing part of oneself (in the form of intestinal contents). Often children of this age are frightened by significant events (divorce of parents, death of loved ones, the appearance of a younger brother or sister).

• 35 years.

Fears in children of this age are often associated with the awareness of the finitude of life and the arrival of death. They may be afraid of serious illness, attacks by bandits, bites of poisonous insects, fires, floods, confined spaces, darkness and the monsters living in it, monsters, kashchei and other evil creatures.

• 5 – 7 years.

The fear of the death of their parents is added, so children can be afraid of everything connected with this: if mom didn’t call, was late at work, got sick. Moreover, the fear of death is not related to whether one of the relatives or acquaintances died during this period or not.

Schoolchildren's fears are associated, for the most part, with asserting themselves in a group of peers and in front of their parents: fear of not being as beautiful, fashionable, successful or slim as others, fear of bad grades and punishment for them, ridicule, fear of going to the blackboard or writing test work, loneliness, the collapse of your plans. All this can transform into a fear of dark places (attics, basements, tunnels).

Fear of death in children

At the age of 5-8 years, children experience maximum fears, but all of them are somehow related to the fear of death. These are fears of attack, illness, darkness, fairy-tale characters, animals, the elements, fire, war, that is, those that pose a threat to life. The child makes an important discovery that everything has a beginning and an end. He begins to understand that people die, and that this can happen to himself and to his parents. Moreover, more often than not, children are more afraid of losing their parents than of their own death. Questions often arise: “How many years did my grandfather or grandmother live? What do people live for? Why did grandfather die? Where did it all come from? What should you do to avoid aging? Some children aged 5-7 years are often afraid of terrible dreams and death in their sleep.

Why does children fear death?

In the first years of life, a child has no concept of death. He considers everything that he sees around him to be animate and permanent. Starting from the age of 5, the child’s intellect develops rapidly, and primarily abstract thinking. Activity in the cognitive area also increases. The child begins to understand concepts such as time and space, and therefore understands that any life, including his, has an end and a beginning. Having made such a discovery, the child worries and worries about the future of himself and his loved ones, and is afraid of death in the present.

Are all children afraid of death?

In many countries, most children experience a fear of death at the age of 5-8. This fear is expressed differently in everyone, and it depends on individual characteristics, where and with whom the child lives, and what events occur at this stage in his life. The fear of death is more present in those preschoolers whose parents (one of them) or close people who lived nearby died. Also, a strong fear of death is observed in children who are often ill, do not have male influence - protection, and are emotionally - sensitive and impressionable. Moreover, girls are afraid much more often; they see nightmares at night more often, from the age of 5, than boys. But there are children who do not experience the fear of death. This happens when parents create an artificial world for the child and do not give him the slightest reason to feel that there is anything to be afraid of. Very often such children grow up indifferent; they not only are not afraid themselves, but also do not worry about others. Also, children from parents with chronic alcoholism do not have a feeling of fear of death. This is due to the fact that they have low emotional sensitivity, lack deep experiences, feelings are fleeting, interests are unstable. Sometimes the fear of death may be absent in children, without any deviations, whose parents are optimistic, cheerful, and self-confident. But still, the fear of death is inherent in most children of older preschool age. And this is evidence that the child has taken a step forward in his development. He will have to experience this fear, realize it as part of his life experience and process it with his consciousness by the age of 7-8 years. If the fear of death is not processed, it torments the child for a long time, distorts his will and emotions, interferes with communication and can contribute to the strengthening of many other fears. And the more fears we have, the less opportunities we have to realize ourselves, to be happy, to love and be loved, because “where there is fear, there is no place for love.”

What not to do?

Sometimes parents and relatives, without knowing it, harm the baby with their behavior, words, and actions. Instead of helping the child deal with the age-related fear of death, they make him even more afraid, place the burden of their unresolved problems on his fragile shoulders and neuroticize the child with all the ensuing unhappy consequences. To prevent the fear of death from taking on a chronic form and growing like a lush bouquet in the future, parents need to know what not to do:

1. Laugh or joke about his fears.

2. You cannot blame, much less scold and punish a child for being afraid.

3. Ignore children's fears, do not notice them. With such harsh behavior of parents, children are afraid to admit their fears and experiences, and subsequently there will be no trust between him and his parents.

4. Tell the child: “Don’t be afraid of this or that, we are not afraid of this, and you should be brave.” These words are empty for a child.

5. Explain to the child that a close relative died due to his illness. The child associates the words “death” and “illness” into one whole and begins to worry when he or his parents are sick.

6. Talk constantly about illness, about someone’s death, about the fact that an accident might happen to a child.

7. Instill in children that they can become infected with some disease and die.

8. Isolate the child from the outside world, take care of him, limit his independence.

9. Allow children to watch everything. Watch horror films in the children's room. Even if the child is sleeping and does not wake up, screams, moans and screams from the TV have an invisible effect on his psyche.

What's the best way to proceed?

1. Parents need to remember that children's fear is a signal to protect the child’s nervous system even more and this is a call for help.

2. Respectfully, without unnecessary anxiety and fixation, treats the child’s fear. Act as if you have known him for a long time and are not at all surprised by his fears.

3. Give the child more attention, affection, warmth. Calm him down, restore his peace of mind.

4. Create an environment in the house so that the child can talk about everything that worries him without embarrassment.

5. Distract the child from unpleasant feelings and experiences, fill his life with bright and interesting impressions, once again go to the theater, circus, concert, and visit attractions.

6. Expand the range of interests and contacts, since the more interests children have, the less they get stuck on their feelings, ideas and fears.

7. If one of the relatives has died, in any case this must be told to the child, but in the most correct form. The best excuse for death is old age or a very rare disease.

8. If possible, postpone operations to remove adenoids, do not send one to a sanatorium for a long time to “improve health” (during the period of fear of death).

9. Know that the child imitates his parents and may well be “infected” with adult anxieties: fear of dogs, thieves, lightning, airplanes, etc., i.e. gradually overcome your shortcomings and fears.

10. If you send your child to rest with relatives, ask them to adhere to your parenting methods.

Understanding the feelings and desires of children, their inner world, parents help the child cope with the fear of death and move to a higher level of mental development.

We all come from childhood.

Olya, who is known among her friends as a brave and strong woman, being a mother of two children, is terrified of the depths and does not know how to swim. On her last vacation at sea, she became dizzy with fear as she walked along the wooden pier to the ship and saw the waves below her. She does not enjoy riding a boat, a banana boat, or a scooter, but swims with the children in the paddling pool. Having analyzed her fear, she remembered that at the age of 6 she was vacationing with her grandmother in the village. At that time, a girl her age drowned in a shallow river, falling from a small bridge. For several days the village talked only about the drowned woman. Grandma took little Olya to the funeral. She doesn’t remember what Olga felt then, what the adults told her. I recently realized that this event had a traumatic impact on her psyche as a child and is the cause of panic in front of depth. She is going to learn to swim and does not want her fear of depth to be “inherited” to her children.

Dreams under the umbrella of Ole Lukoje.

Children at this age may experience nightmares. Often they are a symbolic protection against future death and its instinctive rejection. Parents need to know that 1-2 bad dreams per month should be regarded as the norm. But if “bad” dreams occur more often and are repeated, then the child needs attention and help. Children are more likely to have repeated nightmares if one of the parents experienced this in childhood. Also - in impressionable, insecure children and in children who have suffered psychological trauma, shocks, a trace of which manifests itself at night. Such children experience increasing anxiety before falling asleep and do not want to sleep. In this case, try using the Ole-Lukoe umbrella. Make a fabulous one out of an ordinary umbrella, paint it, glue on bright, beautiful applications made of paper or material. Tell or read the fairy tale about Olya Lukoy. When the child is getting ready for bed, open a “magic” umbrella over him and tell him that now the baby will see colorful dreams. You can also get rid of the fear of nightmares by drawing.

An artist conquering fear.

When a child, for various reasons, is very “fixated” (stuck) on the fear of death, drawing will help relieve his tension and anxiety. Almost all children aged 5 to 11 years old love to draw, choose their own themes and imagine what they imagine as vividly as if it were in reality. Through drawing, you can eliminate or ease fears that never happened, but were born from the child’s imagination. This also includes “horror stories” from nightmares and fears based on real traumatic events, but which happened quite a long time ago, but still worry the child. The child is asked to draw his fear on a piece of paper. If it turns out that there are a lot of fears, then the child draws one fear per lesson once a week or two. There is no need to tell the child that he will definitely get rid of fears. It’s better to say that this will help to overcome and conquer fear and that it doesn’t matter whether it is depicted well or poorly, the main thing is to draw it. The child should be given the opportunity to choose what to draw with: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, but the latter are still preferable for preschoolers, as they allow you to make broad strokes. It is advisable for the child to complete the drawing independently. After the drawing is completed, ask in detail what is depicted on it. The more the child speaks, the better. Then let the child tear the drawing into small pieces, and offer him the choice of dealing with fear - burn the torn drawing or bury it in the ground. If after some time the baby needs to do this procedure again, fulfill his request. Watch his face, with what pleasure he tears apart and burns his fears! When drawing fears, you cannot ask a child to depict in his drawings the fear of his own death or his parents, as well as events that recently happened to the child: a dog bite, an earthquake, violence, etc. Parents are able to cope with children's fears themselves with the help of drawing, but it is better if a specialist works with the child, then the effect of the classes will be greater.

Fairytale therapy.

In order for a child to understand our explanations, we must speak to him in a simple and accessible language. Reading fairy tales together is another way when a child gains knowledge about the world and the system of relationships in it in an easy and interesting way. Fairy tales are one of the best means for finding answers to the questions that concern a child. “What is death? What happens to a person after death? Is the soul immortal? The child will learn about this and more when the parents read it aloud, and then they will certainly discuss Andersen’s fairy tales with him. “The Little Mermaid”, “Angel”, “The Little Match Girl”, “The Red Shoes”, “The Marsh King’s Daughter”, “The Girl Who Stepped on Bread”, “Something”, “Anne Lisbeth” - these tales touch on the theme of death . When you read Andersen, pay attention that the translator must be Anna Hansen. Anna Hansen was the first to translate Andersen for Russian children from the original, and not from secondary German editions, and besides, she was married to a Dane who in his youth knew the great storyteller and told her a lot about him. Andersen's fairy tales, translated after 1917, which we became acquainted with in childhood, were supposed to correspond to the ideology of that time, and sometimes have a completely different meaning and a different sound than what was intended by the author himself. Maybe, reading Hansen's translation of Andersen with your little one, you will discover his world of fairy tales for the second time, as happened with me.

Religious education.

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, recalling the Second World War, when he worked as a doctor, wrote that no one treated his death as calmly as Russian soldiers. He saw the reason for this in the deep roots of Orthodox education and culture, which the new Soviet government was unable to take away from people in just over 20 years. “Churched children have no fear of death,” the elder of one Moscow church told me. . When a child grows up in a religious family, where from the cradle he knows that there is no death, the soul is immortal, and God is love, there really is no place for the fear of death, but... provided that the parents wisely raise their children and do not force them to go to services , pray and scare hell. Whether or not to church children is a matter for everyone to decide for themselves. But it is good if the child receives the concept of God in the family, from the lips of his parents or, in extreme cases, from relatives. And the sooner the better. Getting ready to celebrate Easter, painting eggs, setting a festive table, telling your child about the Resurrection, you can already answer all the questions that concern him. Then the age-related fear of death will not be painful and will quickly pass. And another very important point: by telling your child from an early age about God, you can teach him to remember Him not only in difficult moments, but also in joyful ones.

DTD psychologist Tatyana Karniz

Causes of children's fears

It is normal to be afraid of something, depending on your level of development. This is how the child learns to cope with his fantasies and develop defensive reactions against them. But not all of these fears must necessarily arise: many of them appear due to the incorrect behavior of adults against the background of the highly impressionable child with a rich imagination. The baby’s baggage of life knowledge and experience is still too small to be able to explain certain phenomena logically. Therefore, he turns on his imagination, sometimes comes up with them for himself in the most terrible colors, is impressed and becomes fixated. Such situations develop unfavorably for the child, preventing him from living a calm and happy life, sometimes leading to neuroses.

To avoid this, it is important for parents to know what reasons can provoke the emergence of unnecessary fears:

• Specific cases. For example, a baby may be terrified of wasps or dogs if he was once bitten by a wasp or dog. Or be afraid of confined spaces if you once got stuck in an elevator. But if he has never encountered this, he will have nothing to fear.
• Education on constant strict prohibitions or threats. (“You can’t walk through puddles! You can’t eat so much sweets!”, “If you don’t go to bed, I’ll call a policeman! If you don’t finish your soup, the evil wolf will drag you away! If you don’t listen, Baba Yaga will take you away!”).
• Limitation of the child's motor activity. Fearing that the baby will be injured, the mother does not allow him to run, jump, or climb trees. Unable to find an outlet, energy can cause increased anxiety and the appearance of phobias.
• Lack of communication with peers. Social limitations also lead to distortions in mental development.
• Conflicts with peers, ridicule from them.
• Frequent conflicts between parents. The baby is afraid of becoming the cause of them and feels like he is the culprit of family discord.
• The fears of the parents themselves. If the baby is shown (even by accident) his mother’s fear of mice or centipedes, then the child will most likely follow her example.
• Hyperprotection in the family. The child will grow up insecure, irresponsible, unable to make decisions, and not adapted to everyday life. He will be frightened by any difficulties, because he is not used to them. A person will grow up infantile, and this often gives rise to all sorts of fears, as a reason to once again experience the care of adults.
• Growing up in a single-parent family, when the mother has to take on the role of head of the family. Exhausted, constantly tired from endless worries, irritated, the mother does not give the child the much-needed feeling of harmony, calm and security.
• Neurosis. This is a mental disorder that requires drug therapy. Against the background of neuroses, all kinds of phobias often arise, and chronic fear can develop into neurosis. Therefore, you cannot leave the little boy without attention and support.

Causes

Family

Parents must realize one simple truth: most often, children's fear is a consequence of their own incorrect behavior: overprotection, anxiety, constant busyness at work, lack of care and love. Yes, it can originate outside the family: in kindergarten, on the street, at someone’s house. But it takes root only under the influence of parental reaction. If the situation is ridiculed, not taken seriously, or ignored altogether, this subsequently contributes to the development of a deeper and more difficult to eradicate phobia.

When relatives (parents, family) are to blame:

1. Relatives are very and constantly afraid of something.
2. Constant reminders to the child of how scared he was of something, ridicule of this situation.
3. Overly domineering, authoritarian behavior of parents.
4. Lack of heart-to-heart conversations.
5. The constant presence of a frightening factor.
6. Loneliness: the only child in the family, no friends, parents constantly at work.
7. Punishment for any emotion (you cannot scream, laugh loudly, cry).
8. Misunderstanding on the part of parents.
9. Overprotection.
10. Incomplete, dysfunctional, closed family.

In these cases, to help the child overcome fear, parents must radically change their behavior.

Psychotrauma

The second block of factors contributing to the development of phobias is a psychotraumatic situation based on severe fear. It could be anything:

• sudden loud scream
• panic of one of the adults,
• loud conversations in the family,
• animal or insect bite,
• falling from height,
• severe physical injury,
• accident,
• death and funeral of someone close to you,
• disaster.

If a child is brought up in a positive, calm environment, in such situations he experiences a short-term emotion. If the parents behave correctly (don’t focus on it, calm it down, distract it, try to forget), it disappears and leaves no trace. Otherwise, it transforms into a phobia and becomes a psychotraumatic situation, giving rise to various mental disorders and internal complexes.

Physiology

The causes of childhood fears also include:

• younger age: the fewer years, the more there are,
• gender: girls are afraid more often than boys,
• age of parents: the older, the more fearful,
• intrauterine fright, if the mother experienced a traumatic situation during pregnancy,
• organic brain diseases and traumatic brain injuries, which can have a pathological effect on fantasy,
• overly sensitive type of nervous system,
• lack of physical activity,
• heredity.

The mechanism of development of fears under the influence of physiology is the least studied and is based mainly on hypotheses. For example, none of the specialists today can explain why a child born to parents who are not yet 30 years old has much fewer phobias and anxiety states than one born when mom and dad have crossed this age limit . However, this is a scientifically proven fact.

Or, for example, a hereditary factor. Genetics cannot yet answer why some phobias are inherited. A child who has never seen a spider in his life and does not know whether they are dangerous or not screams in horror if one of the parents suffers from arachnophobia. Why this happens remains to be seen.

Other reasons

Excessive imagination

A passion for fantastic cartoons and books, horror films can generate in the child’s mind the existence of an other world, parallel to reality. Against the backdrop of a rich imagination, this is fraught with insomnia and elementary everyday cowardice. The fear of sleeping without light, going alone to another room, looking into a closet or basement become real psychologically traumatic situations. Any shadow on the wall is perceived as a monster, any rustle - as the presence of ghosts.

Social maladjustment

Any interpersonal conflict outside the home can turn into a persistent fear of further communication and new acquaintances for a child. The reason can be the most insignificant situation - a casually thrown offensive word, public ridicule, a rude remark from a teacher or teacher. In the future, this will manifest itself in stiffness and autism.

Constant pressure

The reason may be present both in the family and in the social environment outside the home (in kindergarten, school, yard company). If a child constantly hears about a specific terrible event (murder, death, fire), he develops a persistent fear of it. Preschoolers, for example, often invent monsters for themselves and try to lighten their burden by scaring others with them. The phenomenon of a chain reaction is known, when children in a kindergarten group were afraid of the same monster, which turned out to be a figment of the imagination of one of the girls. Such situations are far from uncommon.

Mental disorders

Fears are common in children suffering from various diseases of the nervous system and psyche. If they are not recognized by adults in time, they can develop into serious pathologies. The most common cause is neuroses.

Copying a reaction

Psychotherapists believe that the society surrounding the child is most often to blame for instilling children's fears. When faced with an emergency situation, he looks at the reactions of other people - parents, peers, adults. Depending on whether it is frightened or calm, he develops a stable pattern of behavior. Next time he will react to her the same way.

This is proven by a study conducted in one of the kindergartens. The participants were of senior preschool age. A rare animal of an unusual species was brought to the zoo of this city - an aardvark (an exotic earth pig). In the first group, during classes, the teachers showed photographs of this animal and, touching them, told how cute, kind and sociable it is. The second one was told exactly the opposite - how dangerous, aggressive and uncontrollable a predator he is that attacks a person.

After 2 weeks of such work, the children were taken to the zoo. As one would expect, the kids of the first group were moved by the unusual animal, like their teachers, they wanted to pet it and did not experience any fear. The preschoolers of the second group did not even approach his cage, they huddled close to the adults, and some girls squealed when the animal tried to get closer.

The power of imagination

Separately, it is worth mentioning the role of fantasy in perpetuating fears in children. Prolonged experience of fears, their transition into phobias is typical for children who are anxious, suspicious, unconfident, impressionable, pessimistic, dependent and susceptible to influence. It is in such cases that innocent childhood fantasies quickly acquire obsessive chronic features.

And children, especially in preschool age, fantasize for any reason (this is a natural stage of their psychological development): heard a scary fairy tale or horror story from a peer, watched a scary cartoon or movie, read a book with a terrible plot, played a bloody computer game, heard something in the conversation of adults. Even cats fighting in the yard can cause fear.

A developed imagination works continuously. Frightening shadows from a lamp, curtains, blankets, the ominous light of the full moon, mysterious sounds outside the window - these are the colors in which an impressionable child perceives the world. And so his life is filled with ghosts, werewolves, aliens, monsters and monsters...

Do not read bedtime stories to such a child with evil characters and protect him from watching TV in the evening. And the fact that he still watches should not cause any negative emotions. Let it be good cartoons or educational programs.

Features of the manifestation of fears

Children express their fears in different ways, depending on their age and emotional development. This could be severe fear, constant fear of something, or affective fear - arising against the background of emotional instability. It is the most powerful and can manifest itself in the form of shock, horror, and hysterical crying.

A child may complain to adults that he is afraid of something, or he may keep everything to himself (especially if he is afraid of being misunderstood, of hearing reproaches, ridicule and condemnation). But alarming symptoms will still be present. The baby becomes fearful, withdrawn, nervous, apathetic, may have difficulty falling asleep or sleep lightly, and will constantly cling to his mother.

Hidden anxiety that does not find a way out or understanding is the most dangerous for the delicate child’s psyche. It is this that most often leads to the appearance of lingering fear, which is beyond the baby’s control. This leaves an imprint on the formation of the child’s character, prevents productive communication with others, and reduces adaptability to changes in the external environment. Ultimately, chronic fears affect the child’s future: his socialization, relationships with the opposite sex, and colleagues at work.

Virtual death

In the modern world, any information is available even to a small child. Every home has the Internet and satellite television, which older preschoolers can quickly master. But not all the information received is useful for the development of a healthy child’s psyche.

Psychologists, teachers and doctors are big opponents of all kinds of “shooters” and violent films, which not only do not help to work through the fear of death, but also provoke many other unconscious fears.

When thinking about how to tell your child that life is not eternal and people die, try to remember your feelings, your emotions, how you yourself overcame the fear of death and what helped you overcome it. The sooner you talk to your child about his fear, the faster you will help him cope with it, the greater the chances that the baby will have the correct idea of ​​​​both life and death.

Adults, help!

Both the emergence of children's fears and their overcoming most often depend on adults. What can parents do to help their child overcome fears or prevent them from occurring?

• Treat your baby with understanding and empathy. You cannot shame a child, call him a coward, or punish him.
• Talk to your child about what scares him kindly, without focusing on the phobia. Give him your example: what were you afraid of as a child and how you overcame this fear.
• Show him that he has nothing to fear when he’s around you.
• Don’t force someone to deliberately confront the subject of fear (go into a dark room, for example).
• Do not discuss scary stories (about illness, death, disasters) in his presence.
• Control what and how long your child watches on TV and what he plays on the computer.
• Don't broadcast your own fears to him.
• Show your child the real dangers of life, but in an accessible way, using specific and understandable examples. Explain when it is dangerous and when it is useful (for example, a fire can burn or cause a fire, but it provides warmth and the ability to cook food).

That is, the child must have enough objective information about potential threats and treat them adequately.

Prevention of fears in children consists, first of all, in instilling in them self-confidence, independence, and an optimistic attitude towards life.

There are cases when parents cannot cope with their child’s phobias on their own, and the child continues to be afraid. Then a specialist will come to the rescue: a psychotherapist, a psychologist, and sometimes a psychiatrist. It is imperative to contact them if your child develops alarming symptoms:

• insomnia, nightmares;
• enuresis;
• nervous habits (biting your nails, fiddling with a button, twirling your hair around your finger);
• uncontrolled aggression;
• frequent tantrums;
• loss of appetite;
• tics, obsessive movements;
• stuttering.

What to do

To rid a child of fears, parents will have to do fundamental work both with his established patterns of behavior and with their own. You need to be prepared for changes in interpersonal relationships and the psychological atmosphere in the family.

These simple steps will help you cope with your fears:

• feel sorry for the one the child is afraid of (a monster, a monster, a neighbor's bully boy, a spider),
• tell him about your own fears and convince him that everyone is afraid of something - even adults,
• use the symbolic totem method - buy a plush toy (magic blanket) and convince the child that he will always protect him (something like a dream catcher),
• develop positive thinking, find positive aspects in everything,
• arrange role-playing games in which the monsters always lose and turn out to be harmless,
• ask him to draw a monster that scares him, and then laugh at him together,
• explain everything that is happening around, so that there is no fear of the elementary sounds of rain on the roof, lightning and thunder, etc.

At a young age, all these techniques should be carried out in the form of a game.

What will have to change in the family:

• devote more time to the child, communicate, have heart-to-heart conversations,
• provide a comfortable atmosphere at home,
• daily hug, kiss, take your hand, put you on your lap,
• talk about your love,
• convince him of complete security,
• normalize intra-family relationships that have cracked,
• enroll in a section or a group of interests so that you have no time to think about something scary, but at the same time avoid overwork.

Since children’s fears often affect psychosomatics, parents need to reduce unpleasant manifestations of this kind. How you can reduce your anxiety level:

• reduce stress at school and at home,
• increase the dosage of positive emotions,
• normalize the daily routine: eat, sleep, study, rest, work - strictly according to the clock,
• ensure a balanced diet and adequate sleep,
• increase the amount of time spent outside and, in inverse proportion, reduce the time the child devotes to gadgets,
• arrange joint walks, family events, travel, visiting,
• introduce to sports, increase physical activity,
• Before going to bed, organize soothing herbal baths.

9 categorical “don’ts” for parents:

1. Don't punish cowardice.
2. Don't force yourself to overcome fear at any cost.
3. Do not make trouble within the family, do not raise your voice.
4. Do not allow watching horror films or playing aggressive computer games before bedtime.
5. Don't shame or ridicule.
6. Don't call him a coward.
7. Do not talk about scary situations in front of your child (disasters, someone’s death, accidents).
8. Don't focus on fears.
9. Don't punish too harshly.

All these actions on the part of parents will help relieve the child of fears. If the methods to overcome them are ineffective, you need to seek help from specialists.

Fighting night terrors

A psychologist's advice on how to deal with night terrors should become a reference for those parents whose children suffer from nightmares in their sleep. First you need to learn how to behave correctly during attacks.

1. Don't wake him up so as not to scare him even more. The parents’ task, until everything is over, is to protect them from accidental injury.
2. At the end of the attack, wake up, otherwise a sharp return to the deep phase of sleep may renew the nightmare.
3. Say a few encouraging words. Achieve a conscious response to ensure complete awakening.
4. Take him to the toilet.
5. Don't ask what he dreamed. Don't tell me how he behaved.
6. Sit next to him, wait until he completely falls asleep again.

If attacks recur constantly, you must:

• keep a diary, recording the time of attacks - most often they repeat at the same hours,
• Having found out the time of nightmares, wake up the child 10 minutes before the expected moment of the attack, then put him to bed again,
• organize a clear sleep schedule: go to bed and get up at the same time,
• eliminate daytime fatigue and excessive excitability 2-3 hours before bedtime,
• instill sleepy traditions: tell a story before bed, turn on white noise and a night light, put your favorite toy nearby, kiss - do this every day,
• eliminate stress factors.

When outside help is needed:

• attacks are repeated several times a night,
• remain even after 12 years,
• the child remembers his nightmares, constantly talks about them during the day, turning fears into obsessive phobias,
• having difficulty falling asleep.

Comprehensive treatment of nightmares is carried out jointly by a psychologist, neurologist and psychiatrist. After a thorough medical examination, nootropics are usually prescribed.

Diagnosis and correction of children's fears

A psychologist diagnoses children's fears to identify the cause that caused them. After all, only by finding and eradicating it can you win this fight.

Depending on the child’s age, inclinations, and skills, he may be offered:

• draw something on a given or arbitrary topic (the psychologist looks at colors, sizes, arrangement of parts of the drawing, plot, clarity of lines and details, etc.);
• sculpt something - according to the same principle;
• come up with a fairy tale (or finish the one proposed);
• have an open conversation about the problem (for this, the adult must first inspire confidence in the child).

After this, corrective work with the baby is necessary to solve the problem. It may require from 3 to several dozen sessions. Correction is carried out in various forms - depending on the inclinations of the child himself, his age, the degree of neglect of the case, etc.:

• Fairytale therapy. Experiencing the plot of specially selected fairy tales, the child feels brave, strong, and learns to overcome emotional stress.
• Play therapy. The game immerses the child in a traumatic environment in an imaginary world. This way the fear looks much weaker and is easier to correct further.
• Drawing. The kid draws his fear, examines it with the help of a psychologist to the smallest detail, makes it funny, destroys it.

In each specific case, these techniques can be supplemented by others:

• dance therapy;
• aromatherapy;
• music therapy;
• uvetotherapy;
• art therapy;
• sand therapy, etc.

The emergence of fears in a child is an inevitable sign of his development. But when they take on stable, obsessive forms and interfere with full development, rest, and self-realization, adults should come to the rescue: parents or psychologists. And often correctional work requires considerable effort from both. But our children's mental health is worth it.

Children's interest in death

The topic of death not only frightens older preschoolers, but also arouses genuine interest in them. It first appears in a child by the age of four, when boys and girls simply begin to bombard adults with their questions: “Grandfather died?”, “Grandmother died?”, “Are you going to die?”, “Am I going to die too?”

A conversation with a child about death is inevitable, although in many nations it is considered taboo and frightens adults, who do not always have ready-made answers. But psychologists believe that it will be easier for a child to realize his fear and overcome it if his parents talk openly with him about this topic.