What to do if parental love is not enough?

Task No. 1: Learn to enjoy good things

Scientists consider the No. 1 secret to building strong relationships to be proactive-constructive response, or ACR for short. It strengthens all types of relationships - not only romantic, but also work, family and friends. ACP involves expressing genuine joy, interest, and enthusiasm for others' successes. Instead of a passive “congratulations” or “keep up the good work” (or even worse, blatantly sabotaging the joy with a negative reaction), you actively engage in a positive conversation about the good news.

Here's how to do it:

Show enthusiasm. Put aside what you're doing and give the person your full attention. Try to feel as enthusiastic as the person you're talking to.
Ask questions. They should be related to the news: “Can you tell me more?”, “When will this happen?”, “How long have you been trying to find out?”
Congratulate the person and express your joy for him. It's easy, but make sure you directly let him know that you share his joy: "I'm so happy for you."
Re-live the experience with the person. Keep the conversation going. Success is something to be enjoyed. Ask for details. For example, if your interlocutor heard good news, you would ask: “Where were you when you heard about it?”, “What did you say when you heard the news?”, “Who did you tell about it first?”

It all sounds quite simple, but nothing contributes to long-term strong and successful relationships like the ACR of its participants.

Bad mood or depression

It is important to know the difference between these two conditions in order to understand not only the causes, but also treatments. Reluctance to live, apathy, chronic insomnia, fatigue are clear signs of depression. Bad mood is transient and changes over a period of one or two days. If the sadness lasts for weeks or months, it’s definitely depression.

The negative attitude will go away on its own, but the elimination of a depressive state must be approached with all seriousness, as if it were a disease of the nervous system and a mental disorder. You should seek help from a specialist: a psychologist or psychoanalyst. He will not only bring you out of apathy, but also find out the reason for the appearance of negativity. I will help you understand yourself, find the cause of your bad mood and restore your vigor and self-confidence. Sign up for my individual consultation.

I do not recommend taking antidepressants on your own. Tablets only remove the symptoms of the disease, but do not fight its causes. This means that stopping them may trigger a return of depression.

A separate group includes apathy and loss of interest in life, manifested during festive events: birthdays or New Years. This is most likely due to age-related crises, overestimation of life and doubts about the correctness of decisions. If these thoughts do not go away within a few days, consult a specialist.

Task #2: Enjoy the moment

Your task for today is to try out a new skill you learned yesterday—active, constructive responding.

Ask someone to tell you about one of their favorite moments in the past. For example, if you are having lunch with a friend or acquaintance, ask him what the best lunch he ever had was.

As soon as your interlocutor begins to talk, actively respond to his memories, like a true ally. Remember to use all four ACR techniques:

show enthusiasm;
ask questions;
congratulate and express your joy;
live the experience with him.

How to overcome burnout syndrome

Emotional burnout syndrome (EBS) is psychological fatigue multiplied by the inability to realize one’s potential.

Life shows that people who are regularly exposed to stress are more likely to experience SEV. Often these are professionals who do not find support in their work, as well as gifted people whose creativity remains incomprehensible to society.

To cope with such a problem, a person needs to:

1. Find a balance between work and rest . A passionate person who is fighting for his dream, but cannot break through a concrete wall, sometimes needs to relax, switch to family matters and find time for his hobby.

2. It is important to move more . Even if your work is directly related to the Internet and sitting at the computer, do not forget about physical activity. Antidepressants will not save you from emotional burnout, but regular walks in the fresh air and exercise can!

3. Change your priorities . The problem of emotional burnout can be both in the surrounding circumstances and in yourself. Therefore, try to change your priorities, for example, change your goal or attitude towards it. It is important that in future you do not waste yourself, so that your work brings pleasure and not suffering.

4. Communicate more with real people . Cut off unnecessary information that is negative or simply wastes your time.

News channels in the media, stupid TV series, and aimless wandering on the Internet clog the brain and take away valuable time. Better spend it studying scientific literature and self-improvement.

Also, take the time to communicate with real people who can give you good advice or simply provide support when needed.

Proper rest, varied interests and communication with loved ones will quickly return your vitality!

Task No. 3: Love and learn to express gratitude

Scientists have long found that a feeling of gratitude makes people happier and healthier.

A powerful “thank you” will change the way you feel for the next 24 hours.

The likelihood that you will see something good in everyone you meet will increase, and your feelings of hope and compassion will grow stronger. Such an energy-intensive “thank you” also inspires the person who receives your gratitude.

But not every “thank you” entails such a response. A text message with just one word "thank you" may subtly strengthen the social connection, but if you want to make a difference with your gratitude, you need to learn a special kind of "thank you."

The three-part “Super Powerful Thank You” was developed by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and an expert in the science of gratitude.

Find the benefits. What good did this person do to you? Answer specifically!
Acknowledge the effort. What might be difficult for him?
Identify your strengths. What good do you see in the person you are thanking?
Always start and end with “thank you.”

Here's what it looks like in practice:

Find the edge: “Thanks for suggesting new workout music. She helped me feel motivated today even though I felt like I was too tired to work out.”
Acknowledge the effort: “You have so much to do! I’m very pleased that you still remember my desire to study more.”
Identify your strength: “You know how to support anyone and help them achieve their goals. I see that you care about my success as much as you care about yours.”
"Thank you".

To consolidate your knowledge and complete the task, repeat these words out loud five times: find advantage, acknowledge effort, identify strengths. That's all there is to a life-changing "thank you."

How to fight laziness

People who have no goals are prone to laziness. This may seem surprising, but the Universe releases energy only for specific aspirations.

When you have a specific goal, your eyes light up! You are active and energetic, all your thoughts are aimed at achieving your goal, and idleness and laziness are out of the question!

But if there is no goal, you are simply empty, deflated like a ball. There is less and less energy inside you, and the energy that remains stagnates and, like everything that is stagnant, begins to “go out.”

Fighting laziness is difficult, but it is still possible. For this:

1. Start dreaming . Each of us has secret desires that we would like to fulfill. They could brighten up our lives and restore our tone, but for this we need to go a long way.

Stop being afraid of it, life shows that the path to a goal is no less pleasant than the joy of achieving it!

2. Set a goal for yourself . Let it be something real, tangible, something that can be achieved in the foreseeable future.

3. Break the path to your goal into several simple steps . Do you dream of visiting New Zealand? This means that to achieve your goal you will have to: a) Find a job; b) Start saving money; c) Agree with management about vacation; d) Buy tickets; d) Make a travel plan.

4. Reward yourself for achieving intermediate results.

As you go through each stage, give yourself gifts, for example, if you put aside the first $200 - go shopping and buy something new, agree on a vacation - go to a nightclub. This will be an additional incentive to your main goal.

5. Look for allies . Whatever your goal, look for people who can help you achieve your dreams.

There may be people who can help you with tickets, with a guide in a foreign country, or with accommodation.

6. Visualize . Constantly imagine that your dream has already come true, that you have already stepped off the plane and plunged into the original culture of the Maori tribe, and felt the beauty of the waves of the Pacific Ocean.

Don't underestimate visualization. The more clearly you imagine that your dream has come true, the closer you are to it in reality.

7. Get out of your comfort zone . Remember that achieving a goal means overcoming yourself. You must be prepared for hardships: hard work, lack of rest, giving up small desires.

Do not be afraid of these deprivations, because as a result you will get what you have been striving for for so long!

Task #5: Find something that makes you happy

When you communicate with a stranger, ask him something that will not leave him indifferent. For example:

What has made you happy in the last few days?
What are you most looking forward to doing in the next couple of weeks?
What's the most amazing thing you've done recently?

Listen carefully to the answer: your goal is to identify the positive strengths of the interlocutor. For example, if a person mentions a new course that he is taking, this indicates his thirst for knowledge. If he talks about his grandchildren, it shows his ability to love and be loved. If he's excited about an upcoming match or a new movie, it's a sign of interest, enthusiasm, and energy.

Identifying a person's strengths is always a win because you get to know them better. But the connection between you will be stronger if you mention his strengths in the conversation. It's not as difficult as it might seem. All it takes is a simple comment like, “You are very brave,” “I have always admired your thirst for knowledge,” or “You have an appreciation for beauty like no other.”

What to do if there is not enough love, care and attention

Published: September 02, 2014 47708

Have you noticed similar dissatisfaction with men? Do you feel like they don't like you? They spend little time with you, don’t talk about what’s really important to you, forget about you, don’t give you gifts, don’t pay you enough attention, don’t pamper you? I don't want to upset you, but it seems like you've completely forgotten about yourself. Remember the last time you bought yourself flowers? Did you arrange a trip to the cinema or theater? When did you give yourself a gift? No, not from resentment that no one else gave it to you, but from the overwhelming feeling of love for yourself, from the desire to pamper yourself, to please. How long ago, looking at your reflection in the mirror, did you tell yourself the compliments that you would so much like to hear from men?

Since childhood, we have been taught to look for answers to questions, somewhere outside, outside. When we got a bad grade, we were given a textbook to cram. If we had a headache, we were offered to take a pill. We are not used to looking for answers to questions within ourselves. We are not used to looking for resources to satisfy our desires and needs within ourselves. But we have perfectly learned to project our inner desires onto other people. Especially for men. When we stop devoting time to ourselves, we often begin to make claims to a man, as if he had completely stopped devoting it to us. When for some reason we stop pampering ourselves and begin to feel an urgent need for it, we also begin to make claims to the man for this.

But the paradox is that in those moments when women make claims to men, men do not want to give their care and love. Men seem to feel that a woman has no self-love, she doesn’t take care of herself, doesn’t respect herself, doesn’t pamper herself. And no matter how offensive it may be, no man is able to satisfy a woman’s hunger for self-love.

But you yourself are able to satisfy this hunger to the fullest! Start observing what complaints you most often make to men? Most likely, these are the forms of manifestation of self-love that you currently need.

And also perform a simple but very effective practice:

Write 7 specific manifestations of love that you would like to receive from men.
In the next 7 days, implement these manifestations in relation to yourself.
After a week, you will only be surprised at how much men’s attitude towards you has changed.

The world is a mirror. Treat others the way you want them to treat you. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you! And, most importantly, start loving yourself! Then others will love you too.

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Challenge #7: Question Loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is one of the most common negative emotions in the world. The best thing you can do is to make qualitative changes in your thoughts about loneliness. Instead of taking them literally, question them. Ask yourself: “How do I know this is true? Can I find evidence to the contrary? Is there a way to positively reframe this experience?”

Research shows that changing negative thoughts is four times more effective than any other method of combating loneliness. You will have the opportunity to try this skill on the next task.

Psychological reasons

The reasons for fatigue, lethargy and lack of energy can be hidden not only in our physical condition, but also in our psychological one. Even if everything is fine in the body, we can still feel overwhelmed, tired and lacking energy. Our physical condition can affect our mood and emotional state. But the opposite statement is also true - the emotional and psychological state affects physical well-being.

Motivation and joy

Everything is controlled by the brain. And it is the brain that decides whether to allocate energy to you for some action or not. Let's understand this mechanism.

If after performing some actions you receive a reward for your work

, you get a dose of joy, then the brain understands that this activity
is worth allocating energy
.
For example, primitive man went hunting and tracked prey. And when this hunter returned to the cave, he received the largest and most delicious piece of the mammoth he had caught. He received positive reinforcement
for his actions, and the next time the brain released energy to the body to track and hunt new prey.

Now let's look at an example when a person spends time and energy hunting on a safari, but upon returning home he gets nothing from it

.
From the brain's point of view, it performs meaningless actions
since it does not receive a reward. And therefore these actions are not worth devoting energy to.

You can use this in your life today. Make yourself happy

pleasant purchases from your salary, then you will have more energy to work.
a reward
for yourself for every completed homework at college or school. Use your imagination and use positive reinforcement where you lack energy.

Task No. 8: Get rid of three thoughts about loneliness

Below are three negative thoughts that may arise after meeting in a public place. How could each of them be neutralized? Consider strategies for overcoming thoughts of loneliness: question your assumptions, find evidence to the contrary, and reframe your perceptions!

“I have nothing in common with the people I met tonight.”
“No one was interested in listening to what I had to say.”
“Everyone except me had a great time.”

Alexandra Ardova “I want to do good!”

I want to do good and stop slouching. Love edibles less, be outside more often.

I would like to cut the morning light into strips with shutters. To be the main thing for someone. And speak in a low voice.

I want the sun - glare! To go through the body - with threads! I want to be great, but not famous...

There will be storks on the roof, there will be swans behind the house. Just please live, In light and eternal awe.

We will read Yesenin. Wait for cranes and rainbows. I want to be in spring. I want to live and be happy!

Author: Maria Sukhorukikh
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Task No. 9: Love yourself

To develop self-compassion, go through three steps:

Pay attention to your experiences. Acknowledge the feelings.
Allow yourself to want to alleviate this suffering, just as you would try to alleviate the suffering of a friend or loved one.
Recognize that you are not alone in your suffering. It is part of the common human experience that connects you to other people.

Here's a technique that experts say is the fastest and easiest way to be kind to yourself. Place both hands on your chest in the area of your heart, thereby expressing goodwill towards yourself. Feel the warmth of your hands and take three deep, relaxed breaths. This technique is called "hands on heart."

Try this right now for at least 15 seconds. Repeat the technique throughout the day whenever you feel the need to be kind to yourself.

A lack of love can be identified by the following signs:

1. Lack of self-confidence and self-worth. It is difficult for a person to take the first steps and take responsibility; he always waits for approval from others.
2. Constantly looking for unfair treatment from loved ones. It always seems to a person that they want to offend him; even behind good intentions, he always sees hypocrisy and deception.
3. Subjection to the opinions of others, the desire to meet social expectations. At the same time, it is difficult for a person to make a choice and enjoy his decision.
4. Inability to have fun and openly express your feelings. A person is driven by the fear of opening up to others, showing bright, sincere emotions.
5. Fear of loneliness. A person feels unable to do anything if there is no one to approve or support him.
6. Inability to set personal goals and identify internal needs. All human achievements are based only on the priority of public views and the opinions of loved ones.

The causes of most people's fears - loneliness, injustice, condemnation, criticism, low self-esteem - lie in certain experiences experienced in childhood. Through the prism of the relationship between father and daughter, or father and mother, a woman builds an attitude towards herself and imposes certain expectations on those around her.