Why does a person need love?
The soul lives, develops, creates, grows only thanks to love, just like our arms, legs move, heart beats, blood constantly moves in a circle, and the brain functions only thanks to nutrition. It is not difficult to imagine what can happen if a person stops eating and drinking. Loss of strength, illness and - ultimately - inevitable death. What can happen if a person stops loving a person?
Peace of soul and body
Mother Teresa once said that in our troubled world there are many people who die of hunger, but there are even more who have heart failure from lack of love. Indeed, from a lack of love, from the impossibility or inability to love a person, inevitable hunger sets in, the soul gets sick, little by little becomes exhausted and leaves this world. People who perceive the world literally, who accept as truth only what can be seen with their own eyes, what is easy to touch, perhaps hear or touch, will be skeptical about this statement. Well, let it be... Soul, faith, love - this is what is impossible to touch and what is unimaginable to see, but this is what is actually primary, what determines and creates the most tangible reality. However, even believers call this a miracle...
And again about love...
Writers, poets, philosophers, musicians, scientists and the simplest inhabitants... Everyone has spoken, is speaking and will continue to speak about love. It cannot be said that the judgments of some are correct and those of others are superficial. All of them are amazing, deep, beautiful and unique in their own way. The only difference is that some were lucky enough to be heard by millions, while others were able to share their feelings only with loved ones. However, the importance of neither the first nor the second is diminished by this. Everyone has their own soul, their own love, their own ability to love, their own incomparable feelings and experiences, and therefore their own destiny, like never-repeating patterns on the fingertips. Living our lives, meeting certain people, losing them, feeling pain or being inspired by happiness, at every segment of our life’s path, right up to the very last days, we give our definition of love, our understanding of why a person loves. And it doesn’t matter whether this discovery is big or insignificant - every last drop is an invaluable contribution to what we call the infinity of life...
How to learn to love people
The Information and Educational Department of the UOC publishes an interview with His Beatitude Metropolitan Onuphry to the editorial board of the Church Orthodox Newspaper.
Christian love does not imply reciprocity, but self-sacrifice
- Your Beatitude, why does it happen that in our society there is a lot of talk about love and at the same time there is an acute shortage of it? What needs to be said about love in the light of the New Testament?
— The commandment to love God and love one’s neighbors was given to people back in the Old Testament. However, in his conversation at the Last Supper, the Lord Jesus Christ addresses His disciples with the words: I give you a new commandment, that you love one another (John 13:34). What is new about this commandment? First of all, the love of a Christian should extend not only to those who are close to us by blood or who are pleasant to us, but to everyone who needs our help and love. On the Gospel pages, Jesus Christ calls us to selfless love. And if we love as sinners love, then what gratitude is there from the Lord for this? We are called to love even our enemies, without expecting anything in return (Luke 6:35), that is, without hoping for reimbursement for our expenses.
— How does ordinary (human) love essentially differ from Christian love?
- In ordinary life, we love those who we like and who love us. And Christian love does not presuppose reciprocity, but self-sacrifice. Let's take a clear example from life: a young man loves a girl, is ready to buy her flowers and tolerate her whims. But such carnal love extends only to a few people - to parents, and perhaps to one other person. And Christian love extends to everyone. It is sublime, all-encompassing love and, reaching its perfection, extends to enemies. The Lord teaches us to bless those who curse us and to pray for those who offend us.
We must subject our flesh to the laws of the spirit
- How to achieve such love? After all, it doesn’t happen that he opened his soul and loved everyone...
- Of course, Christian love does not come easily, as we would like. The Lord Jesus Christ not only commands us to love one another, but, above all, by His life He shows us an example of love and helps us to acquire it. This is the novelty and strength of the New Testament: in union with Christ in the Church, we become able to accept the gift of love from God, that love that extends to everyone, including enemies. Grace is perceived by a person as his soul is cleansed: he needs to overcome himself, crush pride, and drive away all those evil thoughts that fill our soul. This is done with the help of the church sacraments of Repentance and Communion, prayers, reading the Holy Scriptures and self-encouragement. The Lord Himself said that the Kingdom of Heaven is forced (Matthew 11:12), that is, you need to force yourself and encourage yourself to observe fasting, chastity and other virtues. We must subject our flesh to the laws of the spirit. Then we will have spiritual fruits, the main of which is love. If a person does good, forgives insults, loves his neighbor with sacrificial love, then he becomes like his Creator. By doing this, a person gains peace of mind and fills his life with joy.
A truly happy person is one whose happiness does not depend on the outside world
- To have joy and peace, you need to feel happy. But how can this be achieved in the current difficult conditions, when life is becoming more expensive and prices are rising?
- Our happiness does not depend on the abundance of our property or the external situation (economic and political) in which we find ourselves. You can occupy the highest position in society and have enormous fortunes and still feel deeply unhappy. A truly happy person is one whose happiness does not depend on the outside world. Being sons of God, the Saints were happy with what God gave them, because their hearts were filled with the grace of God. Happy is the one who knows how to be content with what he has, who strives to cleanse his heart of passions, and tries to love God and all people.
You can love yourself, pleasing your selfish desires, or you can love yourself in order to gain the Kingdom of Heaven
— The Lord Jesus Christ commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27). In order to love your neighbor, you need to love yourself? What does it mean to love yourself?
- It is human nature to love oneself. Nobody wishes harm to themselves. The question is the direction of our love. You can love yourself by pleasing your selfish desires, or you can love yourself in order to gain the Kingdom of Heaven. What are the joys of this world? - This is a good job, increasing your financial status, various entertainments... Of course, we all need the necessary things - a roof over our heads, clothes, daily bread. However, Christian love for oneself does not mean the desire to acquire earthly goods. A Christian sees good for himself in fulfilling God’s commandments, which bring a person closer to God and open up the possibility of acquiring God’s grace, which fills the heart with incomparable fullness and joy.
— There are many difficult circumstances in our lives. We often get lost and don’t know: what to do and how to act? For example, if someone borrowed money and does not want to return it, the question arises: should they contact the police or take some other measures?
— First of all, you need to put yourself in the debtor’s place. And see: how would we like to be treated in similar circumstances? The Lord God commands us to do to others as we want others to do to us (see: Matt. 7:12). The Lord confronts us with a choice: to behave like sinners or to be like God? In such situations, we are tested to see how capable we are of showing mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and love.
The sacrifice of Christian love cannot be abolished by anything - neither insults, nor trials, nor disappointments...
- In the 13th chapter of the First Epistle to the Corinthians, the holy Apostle Paul sings a hymn of love: love is patient, kind, <...> does not envy... (v. 4) - and concludes his speech about love: love never fails (v. 8 ). How to understand the last phrase?
— The essence of Christian love is the Christian’s ability to sacrifice. If there is no sacrifice in love, it cannot be called Christian love. Love without sacrifice is a manifestation of selfishness, pride, and self-indulgence. With the phrase love never fails, the holy Apostle Paul shows us that the sacrifice of Christian love cannot be abolished by anything - neither insults, nor trials, nor disappointments...
Only the fruits of love for God and neighbor will follow a person into another world. And in all its fullness, a Christian will be able to reveal the gift of love in an eternal better life, when not only the gifts of prophecy and tongues will disappear, but faith and hope will cease. Faith will be replaced there by the sight of the Lord, and hope will come true, love alone will reign forever and ever, forever, because true love is God Himself and God is the eternal source of love.
Androgynes
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato in the dialogue “The Feast” tells a legend about once-existing creatures - androgynes, who combined both masculine and feminine principles. Like the Titans, they became proud of their perfection - unprecedented strength and exceptional beauty, and challenged the gods. The gods got angry... And as punishment they divided the androgynes into two halves - a man and a woman. Cut in two, they could not find peace for themselves; they lived in constant search for each other. A fairy tale, but it contains a hint of why a person loves a person. Love is the constant pursuit of wholeness. However, here too there is a certain paradoxical pattern - having found our soulmate, we merge in a close embrace, with every breath, with every cell feeling the harmony of unity, even a certain monolithicity - “one-single-whole-indivisible-eternal”, we again strive for chaos - to the loss of each other, so that our soul again plunges into torment, torment, suffering for what was lost and gathers on a new journey to love.
At first glance, it seems that this is a vicious circle, meaningless and merciless. But let's return to the myth about androgynes. Having become one, they fell into pride - narcissism and self-praise, which only leads to decline and degradation, and therefore to a complete stop and disappearance of the continuity and infinity of life. Heaven is fruitless and meaningless without hell, good without evil, life without death. Each time, setting out on a new journey to love, we learn a new facet, a new law of love, we give one more of the infinite number of answers why a person loves a person, thereby providing new super-powerful energy for the work of the perpetual motion machine of life.
One feeling for life
The world is endless in its diversity, as is love. A person can love one person’s entire life, parting, finding each other renewed again, betraying, forgiving, living under one roof, or, conversely, all their lives at a distance from each other, and thereby coming to love, to harmony through the soul of one person. In our minds there is an image of ideal love, one for life. We dream about it, we strive for it, and even the most callous cynics carefully keep this bright picture from the cover of a magazine under their pillow so that no one will ever guess or even dare to think about what is really going on in their souls. Where this idea of love came to us from, whether it is true or a utopia is unknown.
What is love
This is one of the deepest feelings encountered in life. In the dictionary you can read that this is a heartfelt affection characterized by selflessness. And it can manifest itself both to children, a man, relatives, and to the homeland, profession, nature.
Truly loving is not given to everyone, because it is a gift from special people. Those who can boast of a rich inner world and wonderful character. People who are selfish, selfish and arrogant are simply not capable of real feelings towards others.
There is an opinion that external manifestations (attachment, attraction, passion, experiences) are only a reflection of what is happening in the soul. Love is not only feelings, but also behavior, an established way of life with certain values, worldview, focus, and even intonation and breathing.
In the article we will dwell in more detail on relationships with representatives of the opposite sex. And let’s look at the manifestations that are most often understood as true love.
Lost heaven
I repeat - we all strive for the ideal, for the search for the other half, which was originally given to us by the gods, in order to once again become perfection - anrogyne. One part of us believes in the absolute without any doubt, and the other part suggests checking it out. And, probably, swinging the scales first in one direction and then in the other is what we need - the process of learning love. After all, what is important is not the final goal, not the moment of balancing, not the moment of unification, but the path itself. What will he be like, who will we unexpectedly bump into around the corner, who will we meet, who will we glance at briefly, and who will make us suddenly and at once look intently into the eyes of another, whom we will invite for tea, and whom we will not even allow on the threshold... And why in we will come as a result - this is the answer to the question of why a person loves a person, which, in fact, is a great mystery.
Is there a test: “Do I really love him?”
Very often a person has a need to understand whether his feelings are really real or are these just his fantasies that he has convinced himself of. First, it is important for a person to realize that doubts are normal. Secondly, there cannot be any serious test that answers this question, because everyone has their own understanding and their own boundaries of love.
Any relationship is a superimposition of certain ideas of two people about how, in their opinion, love communication should take place. The peculiarities of their personality give the feeling a special arrangement, so it would be correct to say: as many couples as there are, so many types of love. Which one is more perfect is not for us to judge. The main thing is that the feelings are conveyed to the person to whom they are directed. And this can only be done in his love language.
Nevertheless, on the Internet you can find many online tests designed for a young audience (students and schoolchildren) in order to, by calculating points when answering specific questions, make it possible to distinguish, first of all, falling in love from real feelings.
People who don't know how to love...
Looking at an iceberg floating in the ocean, it is impossible to guess or guess what it really is.
The tip of the iceberg is what a person demonstrates to others, and sometimes to himself - after all, it’s easier not to ask questions. But what is really hidden under the dark surface of the water? Soul, self-love, love for people, faith, talents... A lot of things. Don't measure, don't weigh, don't get to the very bottom. As Mikhail Epstein said, love is such a long thing that one life is insignificant, so get ready to spend eternity with it. Thus, any assumption we make about whether this or that person is capable of love or not is an illusion. And if we take as a basis the concept of “soul” - the divine essence of man - then the assumption of such a thought is completely impossible...
Why can you love a girl?
- Hair color. It is an unsubstantiated myth that men are attracted to blondes. In fact, looking at a fair-haired girl, a man thinks that she is more simple and frivolous than her dark-haired girlfriend.
- Appearance. A woman's success in the ranks of the stronger sex directly depends on how she looks. Stand out among the gloomy and faceless “gray mice” and men will not give you a pass.
- Sense of style. If a woman follows fashion trends, it is always nice to look at her. It's not even about the cost of clothes, but about the thoughtful combination of all the things worn.
- Aroma. It is quite understandable that when a woman smells of sweat, this will not delight anyone. A pleasant, unobtrusive aroma will attract the attention of a man, the main thing is that the smell does not make his eyes water, and he does not pursue the gentleman until the evening if he broke up with the lady in the morning. The main thing is a sense of proportion.
- Self-sufficiency and self-satisfaction. When a woman enjoys life, exudes positivity and smiles often, men hover around her like bees around a flower. A good mood and a smile on your face always attract men.
- The highlight. If a woman is not afraid to be different, a man will look forward to the next meeting, because riddles always attract the opposite sex. Today she is a sweet housewife, and tomorrow she is already a successful business woman; the next day her image can change dramatically, but she wants to explore the unknown.
- Personal qualities. A woman can sometimes allow herself to be weak and imperfect. When talking to a man, show sincere interest, show understanding and empathy, purposefully question and listen carefully, but do not reveal yourself completely, and the opposite sex will appreciate you.
- Figure. It is unlikely that a man will stop his gaze on a woman who does not take care of her shape. But this does not mean that they are attracted only to thin, model-looking women. You just need to think through your wardrobe so that only the main advantages catch your eye, and no one guesses about the shortcomings of your figure.
- Makeup. You should not use a large amount of cosmetics, it looks rather vulgar. It is best to wear natural makeup so as not to look like a Mumba-Yumba Indian.
- Understanding. Do not expect that everything will be perfect throughout your relationship, without shouting and quarrels. The main thing is not to blame the man for everything and not to limit his freedom. It’s worth stopping in time and not looking for extremes. Be a little smarter and give in, it's better than breaking up.
We have listed ten qualities of women that men find very important. However, you should not rely on sociological survey data, you need to listen to your heart and build strong relationships, and this requires the efforts of two.
How to understand that you love a person...
Francois La Rochefoucauld once remarked that there is only one love, but there are thousands of its counterfeits... The great French writer, of course, is fair, but at the same time he is not. Let's imagine love in the form of a school. There are elementary, middle and high grades... First graders learn to write, hold their hands correctly, draw sticks, circles.... Further - more: numbers, addition, subtraction, multiplication tables, equations, trigonometry. Each new stage in learning is impossible without the previous one. You can't jump from first class to fifth class. However, often a high school student, looking back, perceives all the previous steps, all his suffering, torment, or victories as funny, ridiculous, even stupid. How could he not solve the “2+2” example, forgetting that today has come only thanks to past mistakes and achievements.
All this applies to love. Each person, each soul is at its own stage of development, at its own level of knowledge, in a certain class. And this is not always determined by age. For one, intense passion is love. For others, it’s falling in love. The third is ready to pick the flower of love on the edge of a bottomless abyss. And the fourth is looking for clarity and tranquility in love... And each of them is right and at the same time wrong. What a person feels at the moment is his truth, another step towards the truth. Therefore, you just need to listen to your heart and follow only it. It is the best teacher and helper. And the question of how to understand that you love a person disappears by itself. By asking it, we do not seek to understand ourselves, but are afraid of rash actions and their consequences. We seem to be asking, can I fall in love... But in fact, no one can forbid loving or not loving, and nothing will protect you from possible mistakes. If feelings appear, albeit immature, even naive and shallow, it means that they are needed for something and do not need explanation or confirmation, especially from the outside. The words of M. McLaughlin that those who fall in love for the first time seem to know everything there is to know about life - and, perhaps, he is right - are the best confirmation of this.
Signs of emerging reciprocity
How can you understand that all your efforts have a positive result? A feeling of love in such a situation most often arises gradually, and it is not always possible to immediately understand that indifference to this person is a thing of the past. You should listen to yourself carefully, because the first positive emotions arise almost imperceptibly at first.
Feeling of comfort and lightness
The first manifestation of falling in love can be a feeling of comfort and ease next to your partner. You are interested in being together, you have many common hobbies. You don't get bored spending leisure time together. There is no tension in communication; you can discuss almost all topics without embarrassment, without fear of misunderstanding.
Sadness at parting
Also an important sign of emerging feelings is sadness during parting and separation. You want to spend more time together, so when forced to spend time alone, melancholy comes over you.
You think about what you would do together at this time, where you would go or go. Alone, these activities seem uninteresting.
Desire to call or write
As a continuation of these thoughts, a strong desire arises to call or write to your chosen one. In the same way, I really want to receive a message from him with pleasant and gentle words, hear his voice or see him via video call. Fortunately, modern means of communication easily provide this opportunity.
Worry about your partner
When tender feelings arise, a desire appears to take care of the partner, worry about his condition, find out about the state of his affairs. If he is haunted by failures, then you too worry and cannot find a place for yourself. If everything is fine with him, then you have joy in your soul.
Desire to provide help or support
After you have found out how your partner spends his time, what he is interested in, what makes him happy and what upsets him, you are happy to notice any little things where your help and support is needed.
Attentiveness
You are ready to show any, even the smallest, signs of attention. You are happy to congratulate him on the holidays, choose gifts for him, give him advice when he needs it.
Respect
As mentioned above, respect is an important sign of a serious relationship. If you feel respect for your partner, this says a lot. Even if there are no bright emotions, it is this feeling that can become the key to a further happy relationship.
As a matter of fact, even where there is intense love and no respect, there is a very high risk of the relationship breaking up.
Great secret
American writer Neale Donald Walsh has a wonderful story-parable about a Little Soul who once came to God and asked him to help her become who she really is. God was surprised by such a request, because she already knows her essence, realizes herself as who she really is. However, knowing and feeling, feeling are completely different things. Well, said and done, and God brought to her another of His creations - a Friendly Soul. She agreed to help her. In their next earthly incarnation, the Friendly Soul will pretend to be bad, lower its vibrations, become heavy and commit some terrible act, and then the Little Soul will be able to manifest its essence, become what it was originally born to be - forgiving, endless love and all-encompassing light. The little soul was surprised and very worried about the fate of the assistant. But the Friendly Soul assured her that nothing bad would happen. Everything that happens in life happens only because and in the name of Love.
All souls through centuries and across distances dance this dance. Each of them was both up and down, right and left, good and cynical evil, victim and torturer, and there is only one answer to everything that exists - people meet each other to show themselves and learn love. So it is impossible to fully understand why people love each other, why we love some and neglect others, why we are ready to put up with the most disgusting qualities of one person, but are unable to forgive the little of another, why love often becomes synonymous with causeless attacks of despair, mental torment and disappointment. More precisely, we can guess about some unwritten laws of the universe, try to delve into it, see what is hidden behind the front side, what the back side is... However, making efforts, trying and trying is all we are capable of. All our attempts are ultimately doomed to failure. Why? Yes, because we are not given the opportunity to touch the bottom with our hands, and we do not need to. This is not our task. God is the creator of everything. We are only invited to live, feel, experience, perceive and be filled...
