Why is it so difficult to change?
The main reason lies in the reluctance to admit the problem . It is much easier for us to shift the blame to others, coincidence or fate. At the same time, every person is convinced that he should be perceived as he is. In fact, this is the wrong position. To achieve a positive result, you need to work hard on yourself.
There are a number of reasons why a person does not dare to change and prefers to remain in the warm embrace of his own delusions:
- Environment. This factor plays a huge role in the development of character. The support of friends and family will help you achieve your goal. And vice versa, if a person is constantly told that he is a loser, that he can’t do anything and that he won’t achieve anything, he will believe it, but in the end he will give up. Surround yourself with kind, understanding people.
- Weak character. You see a problem, you understand that it needs to be solved, but you don’t have enough strength to start.
- Difficulties. We often say that life is not fair. For some it gives many challenges, for others less. Coping with any life difficulties while staying afloat is a real skill.
But how to change yourself for the better? Our conservative “I” often prevents us from breaking the foundations of our own lives. It seems that it will do just fine, nothing needs to be changed, it’s still stable. Therefore, first of all, you need to prepare yourself for difficulties, be patient and take your will into your fist.
Shift your focus
The Greek philosopher Epictetus spoke very well about this more than two thousand years ago:
It is not facts and situations that upset a person, but the way he looks at them.
The same event can thus serve as both a source of distress and a cause for joy. Take, for example, divorcing your spouse. One person will be torn for several months over the fact that his personal life has collapsed. Another, on the contrary, will be happy, since now he has much more free time to fill it with hobbies of interest. Or start freely dating members of the opposite sex.
Another example is being fired from a job. If someone can easily be saddened when hearing about a reduction in staff, then another person, on the contrary, will only be happy. After all, for some reason this work did not make him very happy. And now all paths have become open.
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Of course, such benefits cannot be found in every situation. However, sages and philosophers believe that they exist in any circumstances.
How to find strength in yourself and become better?
We are accustomed to endure until the last minute and remain silent, leaving with our eyes downcast. We do not dare to take risks, to take a confident step towards a better life. It seems impossible to us to forget the past, let go of old grievances, and overcome our own fears. Our fears and anxieties prevent us from breathing deeply and feeling self-love .
Surely you are tormented by the question of how to change yourself for the better. First, look around and try to determine what is pulling you to the bottom. If you are surrounded by many ill-wishers, change your social circle.
Learn to appreciate what you have . You may not have purchased a luxurious house, but you have a cozy apartment. Do you lack funds for a beautiful life? But they love you, they wait for you, they take care of you, and this is worth a lot. Learn to say “thank you” for what fate has given you.
Everyone is familiar with the word “trifle.” We often say that you shouldn’t pay attention to the little things, but they are what our whole life consists of! Try to notice small pleasures every day . Very soon you will notice that life is much brighter and more beautiful. You will forget about depression and laziness.
Psychologists say that positive instructions can make thinking bright and actions decisive . Just think, there are 365 days in a year. You can plan every day, week, month, set small goals, and gradually work towards them. Do you want to live better, but don’t know how to change yourself for the better? Take responsibility for your life.
How to change your life for the better
Despite the fact that the situation is quite sad, do not despair, because, as mentioned above, every person has the power to change everything. And there is no such situation that cannot be influenced; it is only a matter of effort and time. If you have already realized that the vector of your movement through life is not leading you in quite the right direction, that’s already half the battle. Realizing that you are moving in the wrong direction means already creating a reason for changes in your life. And here we should consider such a concept as a “healthy lifestyle”.
In the current world, where even the brightest concepts are distorted, a healthy lifestyle is understood as anything: from professional sports to “moderate drinking.”
It should be noted that a healthy lifestyle is a lifestyle that benefits both you personally and those around you.
If a person simply monitors his health (and sometimes does it very strangely, for example, not disdaining alcohol), but at the same time his goals in life and motivations are selfish, then to say that such a person is “healthy” in the full sense of the word, no need to.
It would be logical to say that a healthy lifestyle is a lifestyle that excludes everything harmful. It's hard to disagree with this.
What phenomena in our lives can be called harmful? Alcohol, drugs, intoxicants, smoking - this is all clear, there is no particular sensation here. However, let's look deeper. If we talk about bad habits and harmful tendencies in more depth, then essentially everything that does not lead a person to development is harmful.
Thus, idle pastime like TV series, meaningless conversations, sitting at the table, excessive passion for cooking (which sometimes takes the whole weekend) - these can also be called harmful things. The habit of being angry, swearing, judging others, and gossiping also wastes our energy, scatters our attention and distracts us from our true goals. Needless to say that these things will not bring any benefit either? And as part of a healthy lifestyle, all this should be excluded.
Everything that does not lead to development, by definition, brings us harm. Therefore, before taking any action, you should think: will this action lead to development? And if the answer is negative, then it is better to exclude this phenomenon from your life if possible. Always relate your actions to your goals.
Agree: any action one way or another wastes our vital energy and it is simply unreasonable to spend it on something that will not lead us to some positive result. It is worth noting that receiving pleasure or entertainment, contrary to popular belief, is not a positive result, but rather the opposite. In general, a healthy lifestyle includes two important aspects: altruism and asceticism.
Our Universe is reasonable and fair, and if a person lives only for himself and uses everything he has only for pleasure and selfish purposes, then sooner or later the Universe will begin to limit his abilities and resources, because the supply of the “cancer cell” It's just not practical. As for asceticism, as the life experience of many shows, no one has yet achieved success on the spiritual path by indulging in pleasures and entertainment. Moreover, even in the purely material sphere it is impossible to achieve success if you spend time and resources on pleasure and entertainment.
There are simply no examples to the contrary. So, the main guidelines in life should be altruistic motivation and an ascetic lifestyle. The concept of an “ascetic lifestyle” also has a wide range of applications. For some, having three cars in the garage is an asceticism, because driving the same car twice a week - imagine such a monstrous inconvenience and discomfort. Therefore, it should be noted here that asceticism is limiting one’s needs to what is necessary from the point of view of objectivity. One should not at all think that asceticism means walking in rags, eating bread and water, and living in a cave. But it is important to understand that any thing you own wastes your life energy, and you must have very good reasons for having this thing - these are just the basics of a rational outlook on life, and nothing more. And if you need a car in order to carry out your activities for the benefit of others, then you should purchase it, and it will not be a luxury. As experience shows, it is altruism and asceticism that can change life for the better, and you should always check your actions in accordance with these concepts. Just as a traveler, when setting off on a journey, checks his movements with a map of the area, so we should regularly correlate our path in life with these two concepts.
What can you change in your life?
Even understanding all these seemingly simple things at the mental level, it is still difficult to immediately change your life. Yes, in general, this is not required. As experience shows, if a person begins to sharply change the course of his movement, then, according to the “principle of the pendulum,” he is brought back, and sometimes thrown back even further than he was at the time the changes began in his life.
Therefore, you should not show fanaticism and suddenly change something: quit your job, stop communicating with former friends who lead a different lifestyle, conflict with relatives on the topic of food, entertainment, leisure, and so on.
Start small: notice what bad habits or negative tendencies you have in your mind.
You can simply write down on paper everything that you do regularly and honestly ask yourself the question: “What result will this lead to?” If you think deeply about this topic, you can clearly make a list of those things that are better to remove from your life. And then it is important to form a clear intention to move in this direction. It is important to understand that habits are formed over years, or even decades, and let’s be realistic, “starting life on Monday” is unlikely to happen.
Let's imagine a situation where a person decided to start running in the morning. Someone inspired him, maybe one of his friends started running, maybe he read on the Internet about how useful it is, or he just wanted to quickly lose weight. And so a person, showing incredible willpower, gets up at six in the morning and starts running 5-10 km at once. Perhaps he will even succeed in this in the first days and his body will even quickly adapt, and on the physical level he will somehow survive it. But his psyche simply cannot withstand such drastic changes and, experiencing such asceticism for a week, one morning his mind will simply go on “strike”, his hand will angrily throw the alarm clock, and that will be the end of his entire healthy lifestyle. The thing is that our oxen strength also has a margin of safety, and it is very reckless to hope that it will withstand any load. And if the person from the example above began to run 2-3 kilometers a day, and not every day, but three times a week, then his mind would gradually get used to such a load, which the person could increase over time and subsequently achieve result of ten kilometers daily. It would have taken a little longer, but it would have been a long-term success.
It is also worth recalling the “21 day rule”. According to this concept, a new habit forms neural connections in the brain and takes root in a person’s behavior during the 21st day. That is, it is enough to bring something new into your life (but, again, without too sudden movements) and perform this action for 21 days without a break. This will allow the new habit to take root and become your new behavior pattern. The same thing with old habits: stop performing any harmful action during the 21st day - and the neural connection in the brain, if not completely broken, will weaken, and this will allow you to eliminate the bad habit from your life. This simple rule works with almost all dependencies.
Individual self-development plan in 5 steps
Not everyone knows how to draw up a self-development plan and why it is needed. With the help of such a plan, you will be able to clearly set priorities, define goals and choose a path to achieve them. There's no need to rush. To figure out what items you want to include, stand alone and think about what you really want.
Step 1: Needs
At this stage, your task is to understand what you want to change . Your further actions will depend on this. You need to understand what goals you will achieve. You should not set global goals; there is a risk that you will fall apart and return to your comfort zone again. It is better to engage in self-development gradually, moving from one task to another. If you like to sleep long hours, you can start by learning to wake up early.
Step 2: Understanding
Before you start changing your character and habits, you should understand whether you need it and why . At this stage, it does not matter what you want to achieve, what is much more important is the presence of an irresistible desire, as well as willpower. If you realize that you are ready to leave your comfort zone forever and change, you can safely move on to the next stage.
Step 3: Know yourself
Once you have identified your goals, move on to self-analysis . At this stage, you need to understand what will help you in their implementation, and what is the opposite, what negative and positive traits of your character you can highlight. Don't deceive yourself. Be as critical as possible. You can take a sheet of paper and write down all the qualities that you can highlight. To compare whether your opinion coincides with the opinion of your loved ones, you can give them a piece of paper with the result.
Step 4: Develop a Strategy
You have successfully completed three stages and are ready to change your character, as well as your quality of life. Now start drawing up an action plan . At this stage, you should not contact friends or family. You should evaluate your own strengths, this will help you understand what you are ready to do. If you are planning to say goodbye to smoking forever, consider whether you can do it suddenly or better gradually. To be on the safe side, write down your action plan on paper and hang it in a visible place.
Step 5: Actions
This is the final stage of the self-development plan . Now the most important thing is to start working on yourself right now, without putting it off until tomorrow. If you don't take action, all the preparatory stages will be meaningless.
Forget about excuses! Take the first step boldly without worry or worry . Along the way, you can record your results, small victories over yourself. Gradually, you will be able to adjust the plan and find a way to change yourself for the better.
Having the knowledge of how to create a self-development plan, you will achieve your goal faster and also be able to change your life. In this matter, a lot depends on self-esteem. If a person is confident in his strengths and capabilities, he will quickly achieve his goal.
The connection between self-esteem and quality of life
It is important to understand that self-esteem is one of the main components of every person’s personality. People with high self-esteem achieve success faster, are not afraid of obstacles and cope with any difficulties.
People who are insecure prefer to act as spectators. They do not show initiative, do not express their opinions. As a result, they experience dissatisfaction with life and become depressed. Low self-esteem develops in early childhood. A child who is deprived of the support and love of his parents will not be able to objectively assess his capabilities.
A person’s self-esteem depends on 2 main factors:
- Internal (attitude towards oneself, susceptibility to criticism, characteristics of character or appearance).
- External (attitude of others).
It's no secret that all problems stemming from childhood and the peculiarities of family upbringing can leave an indelible mark on a person's character. If a child does not feel comfortable at home, he withdraws from the company of his peers, which may make them want to mock him. Gradually, problems accumulate, and low self-esteem is formed.
Appearance also plays a big role. If a person does not love his body or appearance, he will not be able to feel confident. However, this is not a reason to withdraw into yourself. To radically change the situation and understand how to change yourself for the better, you need to do a tremendous amount of work.
Fortunately, even in adulthood a person can get rid of this problem and feel self-love. Self-esteem has a lot to do with immunity. The higher it is, the easier it is for a person to overcome life’s difficulties, accept criticism and achieve what he wants.
An insecure person is afraid to take rash steps and succumbs to public influence. To increase self-esteem, a person needs to love himself and believe in his strength.
How to start changes
Set a goal
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To know where to go
Once the mission is thought out, defining the goal will be much easier. There is no need to select many options, otherwise the brain will not be able to focus on any one. The goal must meet certain requirements:
- correspond to personal desires (not mother, not husband/wife);
- must be achievable;
- in a written form;
- interesting;
- clear, you can set yourself a framework of 90 days and plan based on them.
Creating a visual model (a poster or collage “I can do it!”) will help you believe in yourself.
Determine character qualities
If a girl wants to get married, she needs to learn to be feminine, charming, and love herself and those around her. When a man strives to freak out less, he will have to cultivate patience, the ability to accept the situation and willpower. If a woman plans to build a career, she needs responsibility, intelligence, determination and communication skills.
Important! It is necessary to write down character qualities that will help achieve the goal.
Find role models
Biographies of famous people, literature on psychology, trainings and seminars can help with this. Maybe there is such a person among your friends. The realization that many people have already walked the same road, and they succeeded, will encourage you in moments of crisis on the way to your goal.
Support of like-minded people
It will be much more difficult to walk this path alone. You can share experience and enthusiasm with your friends, discuss problems and look for workarounds, support each other and give advice.
Support is the key to success
Find the right environment
Anyone who wants moral perfection, communicates with saints, who strives for wealth, let him look for wealthy interlocutors. A person gradually adopts the thinking style of the people with whom he spends a lot of time. You need to take advantage of this and look for a worthy circle of friends.
Reasonable attitude towards failures
Not a single person in the world is able to realize all his plans 100%. Many people admit that out of 10 possible ideas, only 5 will be successful. With experience comes the understanding that failure is part of development.
Change gradually
If at any training they promise to tell you how to change your character in 3 days, you should not waste time attending it. In psychology, it is believed that it takes 21 days to form a new habit; work on a character that is difficult to change will last several years.
How to increase a woman's self-esteem
A woman needs to love and value herself. Low self-esteem makes her shy and withdrawn. It is difficult to find a common language and build a good relationship with such a woman. In addition, few people think about how she feels. It is unlikely that a huge number of complexes brings her pleasure.
There are many ways to help representatives of the fair half of humanity believe in themselves:
- Forget about laziness forever . To achieve something, you need to work at it.
- Try to minimize worries and worries . Enjoy every day. Learn to see beauty in small things.
- Become less critical of yourself . If you're thinking about improving your self-esteem, try not to criticize yourself too much. Take failures and minor troubles with humor and lightness.
- Learn to be yourself . This is a very important quality for every woman, regardless of age. There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not.
- Personal space. Think of a place where you can be completely alone, draw, read a book, or just think about good things. This will help you maintain emotional balance.
Use positive language
Psychologists often give the following advice to those who cannot change their circumstances: first transform their own speech in relation to them. Words like “I hope everything will be fine” or “a solution will definitely be found” will help you get through difficult times. The words that a person uses always influence his attitude towards the world and broaden his horizons. With positive phrases it will be easier to survive even the most difficult circumstances.
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Features of male self-esteem
By nature, a man has no right to be weak and weak-willed . Otherwise, he will not be able to take a meaningful place in society and life. Men often ask themselves the question of how to change themselves for the better and achieve success.
To stay afloat, representatives of the stronger sex need to keep their body and mind in good shape . It's no secret that erudite sports men have no reason to engage in self-flagellation. They are successful and know what they want. Playing sports helps a man throw out negative emotions and gives him a feeling of calm.
Don't forget about self-respect and value your time . If you notice people in your circle of friends who prefer to assert themselves at your expense, refuse to communicate with them. You won't lose anything.
Are you not appreciated at work? Change your job. This may seem like a careless decision to a modern man, but the results will not be long in coming. When you find a job where your efforts are appreciated, your life will sparkle with new colors.
Don't forget that everyone is completely different, so don't constantly compare yourself to others . You need to focus only on your capabilities and desires. Strive for your goals, relying on your experience and strength.
Many men attach too much importance to the opinions of others . This position makes them withdrawn. To increase your self-esteem, learn to express your opinion and not be afraid that at this moment you will look funny or someone will not understand you.
To understand how to change yourself for the better, you need to understand what hinders your development, what character traits make you closed, and start working on your mistakes. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, admit your mistakes.
The main thing is not to give up!
Much depends on a person's appearance. However, this is not a reason to reproach yourself. Everyone can make an effort and become better. For example, change your hairstyle or hair color, join a gym and get your body in order. It is impossible to change yourself by sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. You should always strive for better, to become better. Since working on ourselves is not an easy task, a lot depends on our habits.
Law of Reflection
First of all, you need to figure out why you needed this trouble, what your thoughts were reflected in the world around you and led to the fact that trouble befell you.
Remember that the so-called law of reflection and similarity operates in nature, when the external situation reflects the internal, and like attracts like. For example, a mother has a conflict with her son. He constantly breaks down and is rude. Why? Yes, because the woman subconsciously considers him a loser due to the fact that he once did not live up to her hopes and aspirations. And although she never spoke about this out loud and did not let her son understand that in her eyes he was not capable of achieving success, her thoughts were reflected in the form of her son’s boorish behavior.
To better understand exactly what thoughts could lead to trouble, try keeping a diary, recording all the negativity that comes to your mind, and the answer will not be long in coming!
conclusions
Start appreciating people! Learn to respect others, their needs and preferences. There is no shame in being kind. By treating other people with understanding, you can look at your life from an unexpected perspective.
It is important to understand that working on yourself is a difficult task that requires a lot of effort and time. But if the decision to change is final, do not deviate from the path. Remember: people attract to themselves what they think about. Be patient, take small steps closer to your dream, becoming better every day.
Do what you love, don't be afraid to experiment, enjoy life. After all, every day is special and unique.
What are habits
Your habits are your perception of who you are. If you do something for a long time, it often begins to merge with your personality, and now you no longer perceive yourself as a person who is now overweight, but describe yourself as a “fat person.” You say that you are a smoker, not a person who smokes a certain number of cigarettes a day. Your habit becomes you, which interferes with the process of separating yourself from the habit and, as a result, harms working with habits.
