Constructive dialogue: features and rules of construction

The purpose and style of conversation is what distinguishes constructive dialogue from ordinary dialogue. A typical conversation is aimed at exchanging information and emotions. Constructive dialogue is aimed at streamlining thoughts and shaping a worldview. The main goal is to achieve understanding of the interlocutors. The result of such a dialogue is the formation of a sense of constructive awareness and a common point of view between the participants in the conversation.

Hear

The ability to hear, and not just listen, is the main rule of conducting a constructive dialogue. Even if you think you know this question thoroughly. Because the idea and the essence of the thought may differ significantly from your vision of the problem. And interrupting the interlocutor because of the desire to give a quick answer leads to the fact that the person withdraws into himself and no longer wants to continue the dialogue.

Even after you are convinced that your interlocutor’s thoughts are familiar to you, you need to familiarize yourself with his vision of what is happening. Find out all the nuances and come to a common opinion. And only after that can you give ready-made answers.

The ability to hear your interlocutor is the first step towards mutual understanding.

Content

• What is constructive communication
• Who and when should teach a child competent dialogue?
• Necessary conditions for competent communication

Hello, dear ladies and gentlemen! Man is a social creature. We constantly interact with other people: at home, at work, in the store, and so on. Often communication comes down to simple chatter, questions like “how are you”, “what’s new”. But sometimes we need to solve an important problem and there is no room for empty talk. We need constructive dialogue here. It’s not always possible to speak competently, not all people can hear each other, and often two people talk about completely different things. Today I offer you the necessary conditions for constructive communication.

Speak

“The ability to communicate with people is a commodity bought with money, like sugar and coffee. And I am ready to pay more for this skill than for any other product in this world,” said John Rockefeller.

Proper communication is the ability to say the right words at the right time.

And the higher a person’s position in business, the more expensive his time spent on each specific word.

The manager must:

• direct the actions of subordinates to achieve intended goals;
• express your thoughts and ideas correctly;
• justify your vision in various circumstances.

To achieve your goals, you need to express your thoughts constructively. They should evoke the emotions and beliefs you need. A person holding a leadership position must be able to influence subordinates with words. This is necessary for a successful business.

Education and interaction

Currently, the educational process throughout the world (and in our country too) is undergoing changes controlled by the principles of humanism. Based on this, the relationships allowed between teachers and students change greatly. Both parties should participate equally in the communication process; this is the essence of constructive interaction. You cannot use methods of influence on one of the parties that would destroy the personality or influence behavior and consciousness.

The humanistic approach obliges us to accept both adults and children as they are. An example of constructive interaction is joint learning, during which the unique perception of each party is fully preserved. At the same time, it is necessary to monitor that personal development moves in a positive direction. Elders do not have the right to evaluate a person; this is only available in relation to specific actions. It is important to take into account the interests of both sides of the interaction, including analyzing prospects. Communication built taking into account these aspects will lay the foundations for correct social interaction for the entire future of the younger generation.

Convince

Constructive communication helps develop a conscious understanding of the need for action to achieve results. To do this, you need to formulate your vision of the situation. A person must come to the conclusion that he needs to do it the way you want him to. The first stage of persuasion is repression. It consists of refuting your opponent’s arguments, proving the inconsistency of his beliefs. After a refutation, it is necessary to introduce your arguments into his consciousness. This is called substitution.

Persuasion scheme:

• proving the inconsistency of the interlocutor’s ideas by demonstrating negative qualities;
• demonstrating the positive features of your idea.

Otherwise, the interlocutor may agree with your arguments, but act according to his own vision.

What is the difference between constructive dialogue and normal conversation?

We think you already roughly understand what a constructive conversation or dialogue means. But this raises another question: how does constructive communication differ from ordinary communication? Well, let's try to figure it out.

The main difference in these concepts lies in the purpose for which the conversation is being conducted, and, of course, in the style of the conversation itself. The essence of constructive conversation is the orderly discovery of truth, which shapes a person’s worldview. A conversation that has no purpose is just chatter. Such chatter is aimed only at the exchange of information between people. This means that as a result of the dialogue, a person is left with only positive or negative emotions.

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A characteristic feature of a constructive conversation is a mutual desire to achieve mutual understanding, and until this goal is achieved, the interlocutors will continue to communicate. This means that upon completion of such a dialogue, a person’s point of view on a certain issue should change.

Principles of speech communication

In order for communication not to be meaningless and empty, you need to know the rules and principles of communication. These include: quantity, quality, attitude and method.

1. Quantity. The statement should contain no more and no less information than required.
2. Quality. The statement must be truthful, with sufficient justification.
3. Attitude. Don't deviate into other topics.
4. Way. Express your thoughts clearly, avoid ambiguity, and be concise and organized.

The rules of speech also include the principle of communication. This principle includes: tact, generosity, approval, modesty, agreement and sympathy.

Tact

Tact refers to the boundaries of personal spheres. It is necessary to maintain distance between interlocutors. You should not talk about the purpose of the conversation if your opponent has not voiced it, and also avoid topics about your personal life and tastes.

Generosity

Try to formulate your proposals without being forced. The opponent must be able to refuse it.

OK

The views of the people conducting the dialogue must coincide and be positive in their attitude. Different visions make it much more difficult to achieve your own goals.

Modesty

It is necessary to stop excessive praise addressed to yourself and have a realistic, objective self-esteem. Inflated self-esteem can negatively affect the achievement of results.

Agreement

The interlocutors must abandon the conflict to achieve the goal.

Sympathy

The address to the opponent should be favorable. Lack of goodwill makes constructive dialogue impossible.

Compliance with rules and principles is not absolute. But they allow you to achieve a positive communication climate, because the effectiveness of information transfer increases in an atmosphere of trust and goodwill.

Respect for your interlocutor

Often, for a variety of reasons, a lively conversation is interrupted and there is a long, awkward pause. The absolute majority have been in this situation. People interested in communication issues note that many in this case begin to almost reflexively “talk nonsense” in order to fill the communicative void. This is a big mistake.

Why waste time - both yours and your opponent's - on empty, meaningless speeches that cannot bring you closer to knowledge of the truth? The way out of this situation is much simpler. If both sides agree that the controversy is over and they both have nothing more to say, then it is better to say goodbye and go their separate ways, for the goal has been achieved. The conversation is over.

There is nothing wrong with short pauses. They help opponents “sort out” the acquired information, someone else’s opinion and its evidence, and also prepare their counterarguments. Pauses allow you to collect your thoughts. That is why small breaks can only benefit both interlocutors.

The rules listed above are not a complete list of the laws by which eristic masters argue. This art allows those who have studied a huge set of its rules, laws and ancient Greek “life hacks” to convince their interlocutor of anything with almost one hundred percent probability, to push people to any conclusions and actions.

Psychological norms of communication

Psychological norms of communication include the following principles:

• principle of equal security;
• principle of non-centric orientation;
• principle of adequacy.

The principle of equal security lies in the mutual respect of interlocutors towards each other. It is prohibited to use insults, labels, rude expressions, hurtful words, contempt and ridicule.

The principle of non-centric focus means directing all the forces of the participants to solve problems. Instead of protecting ambitions and selfish interests.

The principle of adequacy is based on the correct perception of what is said, as well as on the correct voicing of thoughts.

When conducting a constructive dialogue, the main thing is that the dialogue partner understands what you are saying. Because the sender of the message is responsible for understanding the meaning.

Possible obstacles

1. The main factor preventing constructive conversation is value judgment.
2. It is very difficult to always be sure of the same views with your interlocutor, so you need to speak with facts, without arguments for or against.
3. Try to conduct the conversation in such a way that the person wants to realize your desire.
4. If the dialogue partner has no desire to share information, do not arrange an interrogation, this may lead to a dispute.
5. Do not convince a person that his actions are explained by fear, jealousy or other emotions, this can cause resentment towards you and provoke an attack of aggression.
6. If your interlocutor sees problems in resolving the situation, then show respect for his feelings and experiences.
7. Even if you have no interest in the other person’s topic, show tact and try not to interrupt him.
8. Do not demonstrate your superiority over your interlocutor, even if you have reason to do so.
9. Formulate your proposals as a request, not an order. This stimulates the interlocutor’s desire to help.

What else may hinder constructive dialogue:

• discussion of events that have already occurred;
• choosing the wrong interlocutor;
• the desire to change not the situation, but those around him;
• an obstacle in communication, based both on personal hostility and on other reasons;
• avoidance of the interlocutor due to his possible negative impact on the situation;
• inability to perceive the speech of the interlocutor;
• semantic factor: using jargon or slang can be off-putting;
• diffidence.

Constructive criticism

Constructive conversation - what is it? We think we have already dealt with this issue. Now it's time to look at the concept of constructive criticism, as it goes hand in hand with constructive conversation. As you may already understand, constructive criticism is balanced and reasoned criticism that does not contain insults or other signs of destructiveness.

If you want the person to take your comments into account and correct their mistakes, your criticism should be free of any aggression. On the contrary, the conversation should take place in a positive tone. Structure of constructive criticism:

1. Praise.
2. Criticize.
3. Praise.

Now let's look at all this with an example. Let's say you are the head of a department. One of your subordinates, who has never let you down before, did not fulfill the work plan. Let's imagine that his name is Igor. How to act in such a situation?

1. Start with a positive assessment. Example: “Igor, over the past months you have shown good results. Through hard work and perseverance, you have become one of the best members of our department.” Having heard such approving words, your subordinate will be ready to discuss points that need to be improved.
2. Discuss what needs to be changed and improved. Example: “At the same time, you still have room to grow. This month you only completed half of your plan. Let’s discuss what you can do to improve this indicator next month.”
3. End the conversation on a positive note. Example: “I think with your abilities it won’t be too difficult for you to solve this problem.”

On this we propose to finish our article. Now you know what constructive conversation means and how to conduct it in your personal life and at work. We hope that our publication was interesting to you and you learned a lot of informative information!

Emotional stress during communication

It is necessary to conduct a constructive dialogue with a cool mind, without excessive emotions and feelings. Excessive emotions can lead to loss of control over the situation.

To relieve emotional stress, there are the following techniques:

• do not use defense and attack tactics;
• formulate your thoughts in such a way as not to evoke a desire to defend yourself;
• do not make excuses, this shows weakness;
• explain your point of view calmly and thoroughly;
• eliminate the source of negativity;
• show your readiness to understand your opponent;
• Don't focus on your needs.

Communication technique

To be correctly understood and useful to your interlocutor, use the rules of constructive communication:

1. Conduct the conversation in the language of the interlocutor, do not use complex terms and expressions in communication. Emphasize your respectful attitude towards your opponent. Try to find something in common, this will make it easier to build a conversation.
2. Show interest in your opponent's problems. Listen carefully and let him speak.
3. Talk about how you feel. This will help build trust in you.
4. Don't say unnecessary words if you don't know how to solve the problem.
5. Don't take your partner's actions negatively.

What is constructive?

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In order to understand what a constructive conversation means, you must first know the meaning of the word “constructive.” Constructive is actions or reactions that are aimed at solving problematic problems, normalizing relationships and improving a difficult situation. The opposite of constructive is destructive. If a person uses profanity, insults, baselessly accuses other people (that is, engages in activities that take up time and lead nowhere) - this is a destructive person.

Listening technique

To conduct a dialogue, you need to master the techniques of listening to your interlocutor. These include: active (reflective), passive (non-reflective) and empathic.

Active

The active technique is to reflect the information received. This shows the other person your attention, interest and respect, and also keeps their attention without losing the thread of the conversation.

Passive

Passive technique reflects complete concentration of attention on the information received and the behavior of the partner. To demonstrate that you are interested in the topic, sometimes nod your head, thereby confirming that you are listening to your interlocutor.

Empathic

Empathic technique is based on empathy for the opponent. It is necessary not only to understand, but also to share the emotions of the interlocutor. To conduct a positive, constructive dialogue, it is advised to master this technique. You need to tune in to listen to your opponent, abstract from your problems and surrounding events. Try to capture your partner's feelings and convey them in words. Pause after your words for your interlocutor to think about them. There is no need to explain the reason for these experiences.

Unconstructive conversation. Ending an Unconstructive Conversation

Since communication is meant to be live and not purely informational, “side” effects come into force, both negative and positive. Positive: group resource, additional motivation, emotional and sensory aspect. • Group resource – “one head is good, but two are better”; in addition to increasing the resource of experience and knowledge, stamina also increases; it is more difficult to fall into despair and “slip” in a group; • A public statement commits to action, even if this commitment is not recorded; as well as the desire to gain approval from the group encourages activity; • Communication with people that brings a feeling of satisfaction makes even a long and intense conversation enjoyable. Negative: distraction from the goal for various reasons. • Communication can be pleasant in itself, and then there is a temptation to relax and enjoy what is pleasant in communication besides constructiveness.

Constructive communication Constructive communication is an interaction between people in which the interlocutors are able to hear and understand each other’s opinions, receiving something useful, perhaps even valuable, for themselves. Constructive communication consists of: - the ability to listen - the ability to understand the meaning of what was heard - the ability to constructively resolve conflicts that arise, and even better to prevent their occurrence - the desire to receive new information, knowledge - goodwill, friendliness - the ability to argue and calmly defend your point of view - the ability to impose your opinion in a negative form, suppressing the personality of another person Constructive communication is necessary in order to: - solve a problem - discuss joint actions - for personal development - as a means of support - to obtain new information, experience - for pleasant communication

Main communication barriers in communication

Speech, any kind of information has always been and is a way of suggesting something, or suggestion. However, we often witness counter psychological activity called counter-suggestion, i.e. a person seems to be protecting himself from the inexorable effect of another person’s speech.

The counter-suggestion mechanism erects numerous communication barriers to the flow of speech and information. Thus, a communication barrier is a psychological obstacle to adequate information between communication partners. What are these barriers and how to overcome them?

In the process of business communication, at least three communication barriers and their various modifications may arise:

"authority";

"avoidance";

"misunderstanding".

The first two provide protection from the source of information, the last - protection from the message itself.

1. Barrier “authority”. Having divided all people into authoritative and non-authoritative, a person trusts only the former and refuses to trust others. Thus, trust and distrust are, as it were, personified and depend not on the characteristics of the information being transmitted, but on who is speaking. For example, older people do not listen well to the advice of young people.

Classifying a person as authoritative depends on the following factors:

social position (status), from belonging to a real “authoritative” group. Psychologist P. Wilson showed students in different college classes the same man. In one class, the psychologist presented this man as a student, in the second - as a laboratory assistant, in the third - as a teacher, in the fourth - as an assistant professor, in the last - as a professor. After the guest left, the students were asked to determine as accurately as possible his height and the height of the experimenter himself. It turned out that the stranger's height steadily increased as his social status increased, while the psychologist's height did not change. Interestingly, the difference in the height of the stranger from the first to the last class was 14-15 cm;

attractive appearance (is the hair neat, combed, ironed, shaved, buttoned up, etc.);

a friendly attitude towards the recipient of the influence (smile, friendliness, ease of use, etc.);

competence;

sincerity, and if the listener trusts the speaker, then he perceives and remembers the conclusions very well and practically does not pay attention to the course of reasoning. If there is less trust, then he is cooler about conclusions, but is very attentive to the arguments and the course of reasoning.

2. Barrier “avoidance”. A person avoids sources of influence, avoids contact with the interlocutor. If it is impossible to evade, then he makes every effort not to perceive the message (inattentive, does not listen, does not look at the interlocutor, uses any excuse to end the conversation). Sometimes they avoid not only sources of information, but also certain situations (for example, the desire to close their eyes when watching “scary places” from horror films).

How to overcome this barrier? It has been established that most often the barrier is caused by one degree or another of inattention. Therefore, only by controlling the attention of the interlocutor, the audience, can this barrier be overcome. The main thing is to solve two interrelated problems:

attract attention;

keep attention.

Our attention is most influenced by the following factors: the relevance and importance of information, its novelty, non-standard presentation, surprise, the intensity of information transmission, the sonority of the voice and its modulation.

You can attract attention using three basic techniques. These include:

"neutral phrase" technique. At the beginning of a speech or conversation, a phrase is pronounced that is not directly related to the main topic, but certainly for some reason has meaning, significance, value for the interlocutor or for everyone present (where you come from, the last movie you watched, television show, book you read, hobbies and etc.);

“enticement” technique. The speaker says something that is difficult to understand, such as speaking very quietly, monotonously, or unintelligibly, and the listener has to make special efforts to understand anything. These efforts require concentration. As a result, the speaker seems to “lure” the listener into his “net.” In other words, the speaker provokes the listener to use methods of concentration, and then uses them;

"eye contact" technique. The speaker looks around the audience, looks closely at someone, selects several people in the audience and nods to them, etc.

The problem of maintaining attention is no less important. It can be solved by a number of techniques. The most important of them are the following.

the technique of “isolation” (when they take the interlocutor aside, seclude themselves, close the doors and windows in lecture halls, make comments to the speaker. This is why the speaker disturbs the lecturer more than the sleeping person);

the technique of “imposing rhythm” (constant change in the characteristics of voice and speech, i.e. speaking now louder, now quieter, now faster, now slower, now expressively, “with pressure,” now patter, now neutral, the speaker seems to impose his sequence of attention switching). This technique eliminates the monotony of sound;

the technique of “emphasis” (the use of various official phrases designed to attract attention, such as “Please pay attention,” “Important about, etc.).

3. Barrier “misunderstanding”. Often the source of information is trustworthy and authoritative, but the information “does not reach” (we do not hear, we do not see, we do not understand). Why does this happen and how can these problems be solved?

Usually there are four barriers of misunderstanding: phonetic (phoneme - sound), semantic (semantics - the semantic meaning of words), stylistic (stylistics - style of presentation, correspondence of form and content), logical.

The phonetic barrier of misunderstanding occurs in the following cases:

when speaking a foreign language;

use a large number of foreign words or special terminology;

when they speak quickly, slurredly and with an accent.

It is quite possible to overcome the phonetic barrier, and for this the following are important:

intelligible, legible and loud enough speech, without tongue twister;

taking into account the audience and individual characteristics of people (the less a person knows the subject of discussion, the slower one must speak, the more detailed one must explain; people of different nationalities speak at different speeds: in the north and in the middle zone - slower, in the south - faster; small children and old people do not perceive fast speech well, etc.);

availability of feedback from the interlocutor and the audience.

A semantic barrier of misunderstanding arises when the language is phonetically “ours”, but in terms of the conveyed meaning it is “foreign”. This is possible for the following reasons:

any word usually has not one, but several meanings;

“semantic” fields are different for different people;

Often slang words, secret languages, frequently used images and examples in any group are used (for example, the meaning of the words “feather”, “cabbage”, etc. in thieves’ jargon differs significantly from the true meaning).

The emergence of a barrier can be explained as follows: we usually proceed from the fact that “everyone understands as I do,” while it would be more correct to say the opposite - “everyone understands in their own way.”

To overcome the semantic barrier it is necessary:

speak as simply as possible;

agree in advance on the same understanding of some key words, concepts, terms, if you need to clarify them at the beginning of the conversation.

The stylistic barrier of misunderstanding arises when a person is obliged to understand and, therefore, reflect in some answer or action only that verbal address that is subject to the established grammatical structure. Otherwise, when there is a discrepancy between form and content, a stylistic barrier arises.

In other words, if the style of presentation is too heavy, too light, in general, does not correspond to the content, then the listener does not understand it or refuses, does not want to understand.

With certain reservations, we can admit that style is the relationship between the form of a message and its content. Therefore, the main thing when overcoming the stylistic barrier is to correctly structure the transmitted information.

There are two basic rules for structuring information in communication: the rule of the frame and the rule of the chain.

The frame rule is based on the action of the psychological law of memory, discovered by the German psychologist G. Ebbinghaus (this law is often called the “series factor”). Its essence is that the beginning and end of any information series, no matter what it consists of, is retained in human memory better than the middle.

The frame in communication is created by the beginning and end of the conversation. For the effectiveness of communication, the upcoming conversation, it is advisable to first indicate the goal, prospects and expected results of communication, and at the end of the conversation - to summarize, show a retrospective and note the degree of achievement of goals. Moreover, in initial communication, the most important part is the beginning, and in repeated business communication, the most important part is the end of the conversation. In the second case, people are not as interested in how the negotiations or conversation went, as in how they ended.

The chain rule is based on the assumption that the content of communication cannot be a shapeless pile of various information, it must somehow be built, connected into a chain, “listed.” Any chain, arranging, connecting, organizing the content, like a frame, performs two tasks at once: firstly, it allows you to improve memorization, and secondly, it helps to structure information in accordance with the expectations of the interlocutor.

The following transfer options are possible:

simple enumeration - “firstly, secondly, thirdly...”;

ranking - “first about the main thing, now about the constituent elements, and finally, the less significant...”;

logical chain - “if this is then, then we can assume that..., and therefore...”. The logical construction of the message should lead the interlocutor from drawing attention to interest, from interest to the main provisions, from the main provisions to objections and questions, from objections and questions to the conclusion, and from the conclusion to a call to action.

The barrier of logical misunderstanding arises if a person, from our point of view, says or does something contrary to the rules of logic; then we not only refuse to understand him, but also emotionally perceive his words negatively. At the same time, we implicitly assume that there is only one logic - correct, i.e. our.

However, it’s no secret that there are different logics: women’s, children’s, age, etc. Each person thinks, lives and acts according to his own logic, but in communication, unless these logics are correlated or if a person does not have a clear idea of ​​his partner’s logic, a barrier of logical misunderstanding arises.

Overcoming a logical barrier is possible if the following conditions are met:

Teaching children

When raising a child, do not forget to teach him the correct ability to listen and respect the interlocutor. This training involves controlling your own speech. Children repeat everything after the people around them. Try to ensure that your communication with your child is the same as with an adult. When communicating with their parents, children must learn to live, being able to argue and defend their point of view. Let them take the initiative. Do not interrupt, despite the absurdity of the statement. Listen to him to the end, carefully and thoroughly explain the wrong to the child. Teach him to defend his point of view.

Solve the problem, don't change your interlocutor

In life, many people very often try to change those around them to suit themselves. You should try to get rid of this trait as quickly as possible. Understanding the fact that you are unlikely to be able to change another person can prevent a huge number of problems that may appear in the foreseeable future.

You are faced with a specific task. Let's consider the problem that we mentioned earlier - the child does not have time to complete his homework. In such a situation, there is no need to break your child and try to re-educate him in a rather rude manner. A child may not do his homework not only because he is a hooligan and a slacker. Perhaps he is too busy training. Or tutors take up a lot of his time, and because of this he simply does not have time to work on other subjects. There is a possibility that he simply does not understand this or that topic. As you can see, there can be many reasons. The main thing is to identify the problem and try to solve it.

Constructive communication with children

In order to find a common language with the younger generation, use the following rules:

1. Set clear boundaries of what is permitted. Remind them constantly. They should not be allowed to discuss them. This will lead to manipulation of parents.
2. Boundaries should be appropriate to the child's age and interests. Change the rules as your child gets older. Express praise for any achievements and successes. This strengthens self-confidence and stimulates personal development, as well as further achievements.
3. Rules and restrictions must be observed by all people involved in the process of raising a child. If this is not observed, then it is difficult for the child to perceive and comply with them.
4. Punishment must be reasoned and appropriate to the offense.