0 4009 June 17, 2020 at 01:04 pm Author of the publication: Anna Rantya, economist Editor: Olga Ermakova
Heavy autumn sky, full of rain and the first snowflakes. So low that it seems you can reach it with your hand. And I feel with my whole body how it presses on my shoulders. It peers into me, showing on its canvas, like a film projector, what my life is, a life without a goal, without a route, while even migratory birds have reasons for their migrations.
At this time of year, nature resonates so uniquely with what's going on inside that it feels like I've been turned inside out. And this rain drumming on the windows is actually my tears, if only I could still cry. It’s hard not to understand the purpose of your own life when inside you feel like more than just a piece of biomass, but you don’t know for sure where it is, your personal path. Life without a goal is very similar to serving a prison sentence: a series of indistinguishable movements according to a given scenario, devoid of purpose and meaning.
What is the difference between a goal and a destination and a dream?
A dream is a cloud of thoughts, it is something vague. Erema lies on the stove, scratches his belly, and thinks, “It would be nice to eat some fish soup.” A dream is a substance without weight and time; you can be a great dreamer, with a rich inner world, but a deeply unhappy person.
Destination is a long journey. What you came into this world for. This is a global concept that brings moral satisfaction. For example, helping people or animals.
Actors, for example, may have a purpose - to make this world a little happier, more smiling, more emotional. Purpose is embedded in us. It is within us, from birth. You can find your purpose by reaching an agreement with your subconscious.
And a goal is a specific, measurable object or action located from the outside - this is a SMART goal (detailed description with examples here). And the task is even smaller. This is a specific action that will lead us to the goal.
It turns out to be such a funnel: a dream is vast, without clear boundaries, a destination is a path that is comfortable to follow. A goal is the end result, while a task is a step towards the goal.
If you don’t want anything, apathy, your soul is turning you back, start by defining your purpose. You may not realize that you are not moving on your own path. You can work with machines, mechanisms, papers (inanimate objects) for a long time and feel sick.
But it turns out that your purpose is to work with people. They changed their field of activity, and that’s it - other emotions began to appear, the sun began to shine brighter. It may be exactly the opposite: a person has been with people all his life, but he is comfortable with mechanisms.
Of course, it would be good to decide on this issue before leaving school, and not go where your parents want or by “inheritance” - your great-grandfather was a doctor, he was a doctor, your father is a doctor and you are heading into medicine. Listen to yourself, your heart. Maybe with cars my soul will open up more.
But if laziness has overcome you and you don’t know how to cope with it, read a separate article.
After the loss
Finally, it can be difficult to find purpose in life after a major loss . If you have lost someone you loved or something you treasured, then you may not have fully grieved your loss yet. This process usually takes from one to three years.
What to do? Cry, be sad, talk with family and friends. Don't be ashamed of your grief. The more you let it in, the sooner you will experience it.
What to read
Narine Abgaryan, “Manyunya” (about the magic of childhood) Julia Cameron, “The Artist’s Way” (a collection of exercises for the inner artist) Bob Dates, “The Morning After Loss” (if you have been affected by grief)
If you continue to wonder “How to find purpose in life,” you may need psychological help.
I will be glad to work with you on this and look for the true reasons. You can contact me by email or through the feedback form. Healthy? Join my group on VKontakte: You can also find me on FB, LiveJournal and Telegram:
What if adult children fail in life?
“I always thought that helping adult children was a no-brainer!” — says pensioner Anna Petrovna. - Especially my sons. A person must achieve everything himself. My husband and I were able to do it, we achieved it! They started with a cup and a spoon, no one helped... And what is easily obtained is brought on a plate with a blue border - it will not be used for future use!
Anna Petrovna lives well, but it’s a bit boring.
She has a large three-ruble apartment in a good area, savings for a rainy day, made during her husband’s lifetime. My husband died five years ago, he worked almost until the very end, plus he received a good preferential pension.
He obediently brought all the money to his wife, who put it in a little box. Capital warms Anna Petrovna’s soul and gives her confidence in the future. She puts every extra penny into her account.
After her husband passed away, Anna Petrovna continues to save money from her meager pension - just like that, out of habit. She has been able to save since she was young.
Anna Petrovna loves to remember how she and her husband started life as students - they slept on the floor on a coat, they laid one down, covered themselves with the other, they ate in turns, because there was one plate for both of them, they ran to lectures on foot - they saved on the tram.
We achieved everything ourselves. And they also earned an apartment. Well, they were able to, from the bottom, without any help from their parents.
And the difficulties - well, the difficulties. Yes, when we were young we didn’t go to dances and didn’t change outfits. They repaired boots, darned socks and altered things; They cherished their only coat like the apple of their eye - they knew the value of things. It’s not like the current tribe, to whom parents hand everything on a plate, but in vain...
Look, you read the newspapers and you will be horrified by what these star children do, who are given a Bentley for eighteen years, a mansion for twenty, and an island in the Pacific Ocean for twenty-five. And what comes of them? This is a nightmare. No, a person must achieve everything himself.
Anna Petrovna raised her son in accordance with these views.
They raised me, gave me an education, and that’s it. Next on my own.
And the son began his independent life quite quickly.
After university, I got a job, rented a room, then an apartment. Got married. For several years, the young couple wandered around in rented corners, since the wife also turned out to be without a dowry: her parents had a two-room apartment and another daughter.
However, to the credit of the young people, they did not ask anyone for anything, they worked themselves, rented, and after a few years of marriage they took out a mortgage on the apartment. Of course, on enslaving conditions, but what can you do? But now they don’t take the money “to nowhere”, but invest it in their homes...
And at first everything was fine with the young people, but now it’s somehow not so good.
When we took out a mortgage more than five years ago, we calculated our capabilities with the fact that it would be better in the future, and income would only grow. However, as if it were not so: a crisis broke out, bonuses at work, which were previously paid to everyone, were now cut. They sit on a bare salary. In addition, life has become more expensive.
The amount that used to be spent on food for a month, including delicacies, is now barely enough for two weeks, and then without any frills: chicken, cereal, pasta.
In the last year they live no better than Anna Petrovna in her distant youth: they buy clothes only when the old ones are worn out, they don’t ride minibuses, they wear shoes for years...
There's not enough money, it's just a disaster.
Looking for a new job? - a logical solution, but... the guys have a mortgage. One salary goes entirely there, and if, God forbid, there is some kind of interruption in the money, one or two or three of them are without work - this is a disaster. What to do? They don’t rely on parents, “they don’t owe us anything.” Taking out a loan to pay off a mortgage? This is actually murder...
In general, they hold on to their work with their teeth, like a bird in their hands.
And the daughter-in-law still has her own sadness: this year she is thirty-one, and she has been dreaming of a child for a long time. But going on maternity leave is out of the question now.
- Listen, well, you understand, there’s no way now! - the husband throws up his hands. - What will I do? Let's put this conversation off for a year or two, shall we? Maybe it will be easier later...
To be honest, the family is on the verge of collapse.
They argue, they swear - few people can help but lose their spirits in conditions of a total lack of money...
My son already has thoughts - to sell the apartment, pay off the debts, if there is anything left, divide it in half - and run away before they kill each other.
But Anna Petrovna lives in a spacious apartment in a good area alone, and does not enter some rooms for weeks - there is no need. He mostly lives in the kitchen: watching TV shows and drinking tea. Sometimes the thought flashes through your mind that something is wrong with your son, maybe you should help? exchange your mansions?
But there are so many memories in this apartment, I lived here for many years, I was happy with my husband. And in the end, why should she, a pensioner, help a young healthy man?
She raised him, taught him, gave him an education. No one helped them and their husband—nothing, they weren’t lost. Let him survive now too. He's a man…
Source
Testosterone level
Testosterone levels determine behavior and how much of a male a man is. Determines aggressiveness, speed of thinking, self-confidence, and so on. It is testosterone that largely influences the natural “Alpha” quality.
The level of testosterone in the body is highly dependent on genetics. So if nature didn’t give you a high level of “test”, then you won’t become the coolest macho in town, even if you attend all the pickup training on the planet.
The good news is that testosterone levels can be raised slightly. You need to start playing sports, rest well and be less nervous. Yes, moderate exercise does increase your own testosterone levels. The body will get better, which in itself is great. This resonates with the basic goal of resource accumulation.
Main Task of Men
First, you need to figure out what a real man should do to be attractive to women and successful in life. To do this, you need to look into the past and understand the roles of men and women.
For a huge amount of time, our ancestors lived in a dangerous world. Dangers came from nature, neighbors, and various elements. The roles of men and women were clearly separated.
The main task of a man is to interact with the outside world and search for resources. This is how it was 1000 years ago, and this is how things are now. He went hunting, obtained food and defended his home from raids and animals. If necessary, he fought and carried out raids himself.
For thousands of years, men have always been involved in life-threatening activities! His body is physiologically adapted for this: a high level of the hormone Testosterone allows him to be aggressive and strong.
A woman has never interacted with the environment and accumulated resources. She by nature always has a weaker body and cannot resist, do work and fight on an equal basis with a man. She was always in a safe place near the fireplace, providing everyday life and comfort - that is, creating a place where a man could relax. This doesn't mean it's unimportant! Everyone just has their own clear role.
Anticipating exclamations like “A woman could easily live and work independently,” let us immediately clarify: she could not. Firstly, nature was much more aggressive, there were more dangers and you had to be strong to survive. Secondly, do not forget that every woman has a period in her life when she is completely unable to work - pregnancy and the first months of caring for a child.
Since the female could not protect herself and accumulate resources, she always looked for a promising male with resources in order to use these same resources, including for the benefit of herself and the offspring.
The picture that emerges is this: the man gave the woman resources and protection. In return, she gave him the opportunity to rest and gain strength for future affairs: she gave him sex, cooked food, mended his clothes, and so on. That is, everyone was in their place and fulfilling their function.
Why is it important?
Some will say: “What nonsense? We don't live in caves. Modern life has different rules.” And this is the wrong view. A relatively safer life began about 500 years ago. But during this time the instincts have not changed one bit. The choice of a partner is made by a woman instinctively according to Stone Age criteria: resourcefulness, masculinity, the ability to protect herself and her offspring, and so on.
Signs of “Crashed Firmware”
So, you know the goals and objectives of a man. Now you can look at yourself. Knowing if everything is okay with you is very simple. You have problems if you:
- Are you afraid of meeting a girl?
- you can’t come up and start a conversation with a stranger, although you want to
- Having started a conversation with a stranger, you can’t put together two words, you mumble and become dumb
- when talking, you sweat or blush, your legs seem to go limp
- haven't been with a girl and you're already 20 years old
- you quickly fall head over heels in love and idolize your love
- you firmly believe in love from first sight to the end
- you mix the concepts of “love” and “sex” like “there is no sex without love”
This is not a complete list. But these are the most common situations. If you recognize yourself at several points, you have problems with “firmware” due to too active female upbringing. Your masculinity is suppressed.
Don’t despair, so many people have similar problems right now. The good news is that this can all be solved. Yes, it will take time and effort to get things back to normal. But the result is worth it!
You have read this article and already know what a real man should do and what girls expect from him.
This is the beginning of the journey and this knowledge alone makes you a little closer to success. Look at the world in a new way. Now you know which direction to develop. How to confess your love? — Advice... What to give a girl? - Management…
