Psychologist's view
Love has always been talked about. It was touched upon by great poets in their poems, by artists who created delightful portraits, and by musicians who composed incredible masterpieces. Scientists from various scientific fields were not spared: neurologists, biologists, zoologists, physicists. Even mathematicians tried to come up with its formula. But most of all psychological works have been written on this topic. After all, it is psychology that studies the human soul, his behavior, feelings, and reactions. Therefore, the eternal problem of love and its stages through the eyes of a psychologist seems to us the most useful and interesting for knowledge.
How does a woman's love differ from the stages of love in men?
How does a woman fall in love? The girl tends to be more emotional. However, a woman's love begins with the same thing as a man's - with sympathy. A woman may like a man’s appearance, like his manner of behavior, etc.
If partners do not see each other often, then a woman’s love will not develop. For example, if a girl sees a man only after six months, then there can be no talk of any feelings. Note that in some cases, girls themselves seek the attention of a young man. By the way, sometimes they do it with great enthusiasm. How will this affect the stages of love in men? The girl was the first to take the initiative, can this weaken the feelings of the young man? There is no clear answer to this question.
The next stage is called “attention”. If a man shows signs of attention and continues courtship, tries to be closer, then sympathy grows. Over time, a woman may begin to show attention to her partner. Often, girls begin to expect too much of his messages, gifts or surprises. At the beginning of this article we looked at the 7 stages of love. The period of humility for a man begins gradually. Therefore, it is important to understand that a man will truly fall in love later, when he is ready for it.
The next stage is “jealousy”. It may seem absurd, but this stage can be decisive in the development of feelings. When a woman sees that a guy is attractive not only to her, but also to others, it makes her think about taking him more seriously. It is important how a man behaves in a situation when other women show interest in him. If he starts flirting with them, then his chosen one may lose all feelings forever.
The next stage is called "sole". A woman believes that her man is ideal and perfect. She is sure that only he is suitable for her. She feels strongly attracted to him both emotionally and physically. By the way, at this stage the girls become prettier, seem cheerful and joyful. At this stage of love, men also undergo a physical transformation.
Let us note that falling in love is only one of the stages of the relationship between a man and a woman. Everything can end here, or it can transform into a real, deep and mutual feeling. But it is impossible to predict how this or that relationship will develop.
What is love?
Many people confuse the state of falling in love, romance and passion with true love, which they may never experience. After all, sooner or later the euphoria passes, giving way to habit and disagreements, and couples break up, believing that everything is gone, and the wrong person just got in the way. Not everyone has the wisdom and patience to overcome the obstacles encountered and preserve relationships dear to their hearts, so that after a while they can experience a truly great feeling.
The nature of love is alive and, like any organism, is capable of growing and evolving, passing through various age stages and obligatory relationship crises. And with her, loving people grow and develop. Without this, it is impossible to reach a spiritual peak and experience true happiness from the opportunity to love sincerely and strongly.
Stages and their characteristics
There are 7 steps that couples in love overcome on the way to a real feeling of love. Each stage is characterized by its own characteristics .
How to forget your first love? Find out about this from our article.
Love
Love at first sight and the candy-bouquet period. The duration of the very first stage of falling in love is usually about a year or a year and a half .
At this time, partners do not notice shortcomings, they are blinded by a strong feeling of love, everything seems wonderful and beautiful to them in the character of their loved one.
The beloved appears in the most unrealistic light when no attention is paid to negative character traits .
Scientists who studied the first period of relationships gave it the name “chemistry of love.” At this time, hormones, oxytocin and endorphin, are actively produced, completely taking over the consciousness of lovers.
Actively produced substances suppress attempts at rational thinking and block the emergence of negative emotions. A person is completely overcome by euphoria in love .
Partners try to spend every free time together, communicate a lot, call each other, and often declare their love . Half of their vocabulary consists of affectionate and tender words addressed to a loved one.
Most often, this stage ends with the registration of marriage, since people “fly on the wings of love” and want to quickly legitimize their relationship in order to indicate their status to society.
What stages does a person in love go through? About this in the video:
Satiation
After marriage and the beginning of life together, a stage of satiety usually comes. The initial intense love begins to subside , hormones no longer rage, and brain function resumes as usual.
Each partner begins to pay more attention to other areas of their life, wants to communicate with friends, and be closely involved in work.
During this period, the first conflicts begin .
Often they are associated with the fact that one of the lovers has already moved to a new stage of love, while the second partner is still at the stage of falling in love.
He wants to spend a lot of time with his loved one and begins to be offended when he no longer encounters such impulses on his part. Living together turns falling in love into something ordinary and familiar , the loved one is always nearby, so satiety arises.
It is during this period that partners begin to discover each other’s shortcomings. This happens not because previously negative character traits were carefully hidden, but because of the resumption of normal brain function, unencumbered by the release of hormones and endorphins.
Most often, the period of satiety takes a very short period of time and is invisible to the spouses themselves . Sometimes it can change places with the first stage of falling in love, especially if newborns appear in the newly-made family during this period.
Disgust
a real difficult test for relationships begins , as a period of disgust comes into its own.
The “rosy” perception of a partner is replaced by a real assessment of his character .
It turns out that the beloved has many shortcomings that begin to lead to irritation and fury.
Cute features no longer seem so funny and interesting, they begin to drive you crazy. During this period, advantages fade into the background and become almost invisible.
Spouses must necessarily go through the stage of disgust in order to achieve a state of true love. Without this stage, the onset of true feeling is impossible.
The duration of the period of disgust is individual for each family, the lucky ones experience unpleasant feelings towards each other for only a few months, and for some it drags on for whole years , sometimes giving way to the above-mentioned stages of the relationship.
The period of disgust is the richest in quarrels, scandals and conflicts. Each partner shows himself from the most unsightly side, expressing a large number of complaints and pointing out the significant shortcomings of his loved one.
With the onset of each new day, it seems that the person with whom you share life is not the one who was needed. It is at this stage that many realize that they no longer want to go through life hand in hand, and this realization is followed by divorce .
Many couples go in circles, constantly going through three stages and not moving on. For this reason, ex-spouses often end up back together and even remarry because they are attracted to each other.
How to overcome the disgust stage in a relationship? Useful tips:
How to forget a loved one after a breakup? Read about it here.
Humility
If the couple managed to overcome general disgust, a more pleasant period begins - humility.
People living together understand that it is impossible to change another person , that he is an accomplished person with his own set of advantages and disadvantages. They try to accept each other.
The partners’ apartment now looks not like a battlefield, where fierce battles take place every day, but like a negotiation room, where conscious dialogues are most often heard and the word “compromise” is regularly heard.
It is at this stage that the spouses begin to go to a psychologist, read smart books, trying to understand each other. Each partner understands that in order to create a harmonious union, first of all, he must work on himself, and only then ask for compromise changes from his beloved.
People begin to change to make living together more comfortable. It is believed that humility and patience are characteristic primarily of women , as they are wiser and more flexible by nature.
Most often, it is the wife who pushes the man to the stage of humility, showing by her example how it is necessary to adapt to each other.
Respect
The stage of humility is followed by respect and selfless service to the partner.
If previously lovers did something nice for each other, expecting the same attitude in return, now good deeds become selfless.
People strive to please only because their significant other is respected because they are precious .
At this stage of movement towards true love, the soul itself strives to please its partner. People truly value each other and are imbued with respect.
Spouses serve each other completely voluntarily , receiving great pleasure from the fact that the other half is happy. Sometimes one of the partners has already moved to the stage of respect, while the other lingers at the previous stage.
Through selfless actions, the spouse who has crossed a new line pushes the beloved to move to the stage of respect.
The first sign of emerging true love is the desire to sincerely and selflessly serve a partner.
Friendship
Friendship replaces the stage of respect. Usually by this period the couple experienced many life difficulties that were solved shoulder to shoulder.
Partners know each other from the roots of their hair to their fingertips; they know each other’s character, habits and temperament .
They get out of conflict situations without noisy showdowns; all they have to do is talk and everything will be resolved peacefully.
This stage can last for years and decades, when the spouses find peace of mind in a joint society.
Most often, friendship comes when children grow up and spouses have more time for joint activities and entertainment.
They can finally devote much more time to each other than before, when small children needed them every minute.
Love
Few reach the very last pinnacle stage, which is called love. Many people break down at the stage of disgust and cannot achieve true feeling. At the stage of love, a couple understands each other perfectly , partners breathe and live in unison.
Shared company gives them pleasure and brings peace. Spouses accept each other completely, with all their strengths and weaknesses.
Hormones no longer play pranks, imperfections no longer irritate, they are smoothed out and outweighed by advantages , which appear more and more clearly.
If people have reached this stage, having overcome all difficulties, having stepped over the stage of disgust, they can boldly declare that they truly love each other.
How does love live? Brilliant psychological cartoon:
Reasons for unrequited love
It is necessary to understand first of all what unrequited love means. This is not Cupid’s arrow or a feeling from above; rather, the main problem lies precisely in the person’s personality. You need to start understanding it with yourself.
There are several common reasons that help you understand what to do with unrequited love:
- Uncertainty. It is individuals with low self-esteem who most often suffer from this feeling. What prolongs unpleasant emotions is the feeling when the victim believes that he deserves such treatment.
- Fairy tale story. Many people want to feel like a fairy tale hero experiencing different events. It's a pity that life doesn't always have a good ending.
- Emotional charge. Even negativity can give a sea of emotions. Some girls and boys simply become dependent on their own experiences.
- Loneliness . Man is a social being. When he is lonely, he is ready to invent a novel for himself and believe in it himself.
- Parental neglect. Dislike in the family turns into a strong thirst for love, albeit in one direction.
All these moments can cause unpleasant emotions. The main thing is not to confuse this with full-fledged fateful love and painful attachment. You need to understand that love is a great feeling. It is possible between two people, it is mutual emotions, a craving for each other. Only love, painful and unpleasant, can be one-sided.
Bottom line
To live together until the end of your days, it is not enough to meet the right person. Married life is a titanic spiritual work, as a result of which fate bestows true love. This is dedication, the ability to compromise, the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of a loved one, long-suffering and trust. And remember: only those who are ready for it can experience family happiness. There is no need to regret divorce and break-ups: your significant other will never leave your other half, only strangers leave.
