I. Rules of confidential communication (empathic listening).

Basic rules of communication

Rule #1

Allow other people to be who they are, and do not try to remake someone according to your standards.

• Firstly, it is completely useless, people do not change.
• And secondly, all attempts by outside influence are perceived extremely negatively by people and spoil relationships.

Rule #2

Speak only good things about people, otherwise just keep your mouth tightly shut.
Support and approval are the most powerful catalysts for good relationships.

Rule #3

Don't allow yourself to be arrogant towards other people.
A note of superiority in a voice can cause irreparable damage to the best relationships. If you want to maintain good relationships with others, their actions or words cannot be ridiculed. People do not forgive humiliation either.

Rule #4

Show sincere interest in the life and feelings of the other person, then you will not have problems finding a topic for conversation.
And there are plenty of reasons for praise. By the way, praise and flattery are radically opposite concepts; they should not be confused.

Rule #5

Try to look for positive traits in each person and focus maximum attention on them.
Each of us has shortcomings, the secret of good relationships lies in the ability not to notice them.

Rule #6

Once and for all, give up criticism of other people, try to recognize their right to make mistakes.
Remember that every action can be viewed from two opposing points of view, and it is not yet known which of them is correct.

Rule #7

Every person makes a lot of effort to increase his own importance in the eyes of other people.
You should give up your sense of self-importance and allow other people to feel important.

Rule #8

Watch your own words and actions.
If you have done something inappropriate, apologize immediately and do not allow yourself to offend other people.

Rule #9

Never give orders to anyone. If you want your words and advice to be listened to, do not impose them, wait until you are asked for advice.

Rule #10

Never respond with irritation to the irritation of the person living next to you.
Take his irritation as a request for help, support and sympathy.

Rule #11

When communicating with people, try to talk less and listen more.
By the way, by listening to other people's problems, you get to know the person better, and therefore strengthen your friendship with him.

Rule #12

If you come up with a good idea, try to pretend that the idea came from your interlocutor.

Rule #13

If your interlocutor expresses thoughts that, in your opinion, are wrong, do not interrupt him or try to prove your point of view.

Rule #14

Give up any disputes once and for all.
By the way, the fastest way to end an argument is to admit that your interlocutor is right.

Rule #15

Give gifts to your loved ones without waiting for a special occasion.

Rule #16

If you feel irritation in the depths of your soul, do not show it openly.
Instead of demonstrating your feelings, try to find the true reasons for this state and eliminate them.

Rule #17

Turn the vector of interest towards other people, turning it away from yourself.

Rule #18

When you talk to a person, look him in the face and address him by his first and patronymic.
Treating people with courtesy and respect strengthens the bonds between people.

Rule #19

If the conversation drags on for too long and you are forced to interrupt it, try to do it on a positive note so that your interlocutor retains the most pleasant memories and a good mood.

Rule #20

Learn to forgive. We must forgive everything and everyone:

• Firstly, you need to forgive yourself not only for mistakes and wrong actions, but even for negative thoughts.
• Secondly, you should forgive all the insults that others cause to you. You should not accumulate negative emotions in your soul.

The most tender communication in the world occurs between those who are not interested in communication. Marcel Proust

What is modern etiquette

Today, human life cannot be imagined without constant interaction with other members of society. In order for communication to be pleasant and contacts not to cause conflicts between people both at the business level and in everyday life, it is customary in society to adhere to certain norms of etiquette. The meaning of the word “etiquette” can be defined as “manners of behavior accepted in society.” The term originated in France and comes from the French "etiquette".

Modern rules of etiquette are aimed at regulating human behavior in various areas of communication, his appearance, and maintaining the culture of oral and written speech. They were developed over the centuries-old history of mankind on the basis of the customs and traditions of many peoples.

With the changing pace of life and new social and living conditions, there is a tendency to simplify cultural conventions and etiquette norms.

Much of what was considered important to observe 100 or 50 years ago may now seem strange and even absurd. However, having changed in form, modern etiquette has retained its basic features.

These include:

• naturalness;
• sense of tact;
• moderation;
• ease;
• self-esteem;
• politeness;
• benevolence.

As a result of active communication between peoples, the rules of etiquette acquire a universal meaning: you cannot offend someone either with a word or a gesture. Communication should be aimed at establishing friendly contact and avoiding conflict situations.

An example of communication psychology from the school curriculum

Read the tips below, which ones will you use when communicating with friends?

1. Be friendly and friendly.
2. Live in peace with each other.
3. Conquer evil with good.
4. Do good and do not be afraid of anyone.
5. Speak boldly about a good deed.
6. Love your neighbor as yourself.
7. Win hearts with love, not fear.
8. Don't be afraid of the knife, but of the tongue.
9. Think, think about it, and say it.
10. Be patient with everyone for a long time.

Question:
Determine the type of sentences based on the purpose of the statement. Why are sentences of this type used here?

Answer:

Sentences No. 1, 2, 6, 9, 10 are motivating, they teach and advise.

General rules

Etiquette begins with the ability to behave and control your body. Good manners must be observed both while sitting and walking. Movements should be calm and confident, you should walk at a moderate pace with medium steps. Sit upright, with knees closed or legs crossed low (at the ankles), hands should rest freely on your knees. You cannot rock the chair or sit astride it.

In a cultural society, it is customary to begin communication with greetings, introductions, and addresses established by etiquette, with preference given to some individuals over others.

The advantages are:

• elders before younger ones;
• women before men;
• people with disabilities versus healthy people;
• persons superior in position to everyone else, incl. superiors before subordinates.

Difficult situations often arise, for example, in relation to a male boss and a female subordinate. For such cases, exact rules have not been established; the manner of behavior will be dictated by a sense of tact.

The first to enter the room, start a conversation, set the general tone and direction of the conversation are the elderly or those of a higher position. But the performance is done in reverse: the names of younger people are called to the elders. Guests are greeted first by the hosts, then by women according to seniority, and then by men in the same way. Late arrivals are the first to greet those waiting, just as those entering are the first to greet those present.

Seated young people are supposed to stand up when greeting. On the street, people walking greet those standing, men raise their cap or hat in front of a woman (but not other hats).

If at the entrance of somewhere 2 people are trying to let each other go ahead, then the first person to go through should be the one who was asked to do this twice.

When asking a question or request, or after an accidental collision, you should use polite forms of speech, and be sure to thank for any help. According to etiquette, it is customary to congratulate colleagues and acquaintances on various holidays and family dates or express condolences on the occasion of loss. A bad mood is not shown in public; a friendly smile and a friendly look in the eyes contribute to pleasant communication.

Bonus: 10 more golden rules of communication [UPD]

How to benefit from communicating with people and share the best with others?
Regardless of who you are: a psychologist, a businessman, or just an attentive spouse or friend, the rules of good communication are the same for everyone. Good conversation involves two things: listening and speaking. And for each of them there are 5 golden rules. It sounds simple enough, but many people forget that good communication involves not only talking, but also listening.

Moreover, it's safe to say that listening is a more important component: how can you know what to talk about if you don't first understand what the audience wants to hear?

Briefly about the types of etiquette

Rules of behavior in society are marked by place, time and level of communication. Depending on this, there are different etiquette situations that imply special behavioral stereotypes, for example: greeting, farewell, going to exhibitions, visiting, going to the theater, on a date, receiving and negotiating with a foreign delegation, presentations, etc.

Standards of behavior in the same etiquette situation may differ, and therefore the following types of etiquette are distinguished:

1. Diplomatic. Regulates the rules of conduct of official representatives of states at negotiations, diplomatic receptions, and during state visits.
2. Military. It is a set of rules that must be followed among military personnel.
3. General civil. It consists of rules adopted when people communicate in everyday life, on the street, on working days and holidays, in telephone conversations and interactive discussions, when receiving guests, etc.
4. Business etiquette. Regulates standards of conduct in the business sphere.

The degree of etiquette is determined by existing social, age, status, national, cultural, etc. differences between communication partners: the more of them, the more etiquette the situation is considered.

Different mentalities, traditions, and language barriers require adherence to stricter limits of behavior, because any mistake can be taken as an insult. For example, being in a theater is more ritualized than a friendly party, and international cooperation requires adherence to stricter norms than in one country.

What rules of communication do you try to use in your life?

Psychologists recommend the following set of communication rules for every day:

1. Show genuine interest in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that for a person, the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound of human speech.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to tell you about themselves.
5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
6. Make people feel important to you and do it sincerely. This rule is the most important!

What rules of communication between people do you know, and which do you try to use in your life?
Please share in the comments. Yabrova Ksenia Apr 12, 2019

Gender etiquette

Standards of behavior differ depending on a person's gender. This division developed historically and was due to the different roles of men and women in society. In the 21st century gender etiquette has acquired new features: freer relationships require clear boundaries so that simple politeness is not perceived as flirting.

Basic rules of good manners for men:

1. When meeting in a public place, you should say hello first. A handshake is also acceptable if the woman offers her hand to do so.
2. They open the doors for their companion, help them into the car, hand them clothes, and pull out a chair.
3. When entering/exiting a room or on stairs, a woman is allowed forward. The implication is that the man is keeping her safe.
4. When walking together, they take a place to the left of the lady so that she is not disturbed by people walking towards her.

Service relationships are regulated by company rules and are the same for both sexes. On a date, all expenses are paid by the man, on a business lunch/dinner - by the inviting party (joint payment is also possible). A woman should look appropriate for the event, follow the dress code at work, and use cosmetics wisely.

Frequent violations and errors

Some common rules that many people take as etiquette standards are their violation.

For example:

1. The wish “Be healthy” to a sneezing person is appropriate only among loved ones.
2. It is incorrect to let a woman pass first at the elevator entrance. The man is the first to approach the source of increased danger.
3. The coughing person covers his mouth with his right hand. This is wrong because it is used to shake hands.

It is also a mistake when asking for salt to serve only a salt shaker without a pepper shaker.