In psychology, internal dialogue is one of the forms of thinking, the process of communication between a person and himself. It becomes the result of the interaction of different ego states: “child”, “adult” and “parent”. The inner voice often criticizes us, gives advice, and appeals to common sense. But is he right? T&P asked several people from different fields what their inner voices sound like and asked a psychologist to comment on it.
Inner dialogue has nothing to do with schizophrenia.
Everyone has voices in their heads: it is we ourselves (our personality, character, experience) who speak to ourselves, because our Self consists of several parts, and the psyche is very complex. Thinking and reflection are impossible without internal dialogue. However, it is not always framed as a conversation, and some of the remarks are not always uttered by the voices of other people - as a rule, relatives. “The voice in the head” can also sound like your own, or it can “belong” to a complete stranger: a classic of literature, a favorite singer. From a psychological point of view, internal dialogue is a problem only if it develops so actively that it begins to interfere with a person in everyday life: it distracts him, knocks him off his thoughts. But more often, this silent conversation “with oneself” becomes material for analysis, a field for finding sore spots and a testing ground for developing a rare and valuable ability - to understand and support oneself.
Novel
sociologist, marketer
It is difficult for me to identify any characteristics of the inner voice: shades, timbre, intonation. I understand that this is my voice, but I hear it completely differently, not like the others: it is more booming, low, rough. Usually in internal dialogue I imagine the current role model of some situation, hidden direct speech. For example, what would I say to this or that public (despite the fact that the public can be very different: from random passers-by to clients of my company). I need to convince them, to convey my idea to them. I usually play off intonation, emotion and expression as well.
At the same time, there is no discussion as such: there is an internal monologue with thoughts like: “What if?” Does it happen that I call myself an idiot? Happens. But this is not a condemnation, but rather something between annoyance and a statement of fact.
If I need an outside opinion, I change the prism: for example, I try to imagine what one of the classics of sociology would say. The sound of the voices of the classics is no different from mine: I remember precisely logic and “optics”. I distinguish clearly alien voices only in my dreams, and they are accurately modeled by real analogues.
What is internal dialogue
Each of us has a movie in our heads based on our own lives.
Frames of memories give way to illustrations of the future. Snatches of songs are mixed with fragments of conversations and advertising slogans. Psychologists call this internal dialogue or self-talk. The average speed of The Rate of Inner Speech of internal dialogue is 4,000 words per minute. It is approximately 20 times faster than spoken language.
Imagine having a TV on in the background. During everyday activities, it is easy to not notice that the film has ended and news about disasters, epidemics and terrorist attacks are pouring from the screen. It's the same story with internal dialogue. If you leave it unattended, you can very soon catch yourself recalling painful memories or fears.
Such thoughts distort emotions, actions and habits over time.
Anastasia
prepress specialist
In my case, the inner voice sounds like my own. Basically, he says: “Nastya, stop it,” “Nastya, don’t be stupid,” and “Nastya, you’re a fool!” This voice appears infrequently: when I feel disorganized, when my own actions make me dissatisfied. The voice is not angry - rather irritated.
I never heard my mother’s, my grandmother’s, or anyone else’s voice in my thoughts: only my own. He can scold me, but within certain limits: without humiliation. This voice is more like my coach: it presses buttons that encourage me to act.
Ivan
film scriptwriter
What I hear mentally is not formalized as a voice, but I recognize this person by the structure of her thoughts: she looks like my mother. And even more precisely: this is an “internal editor” who explains how to make it so that the mother likes it. For me, as a hereditary filmmaker, this is an unflattering name, because in the Soviet years, for a creative person (director, writer, playwright), an editor was a dull henchman of the regime, a not very educated censorship worker, reveling in his own power. It’s unpleasant to realize that this type in you censors thoughts and clips the wings of creativity in all areas.
The “internal editor” gives many of his comments to the point. However, the question is the purpose of this “case”. To summarize, he says: “Be like everyone else and keep your head down.” He feeds the inner coward. “You need to be an excellent student” because it saves you from problems. Everyone likes it. He prevents me from understanding what I want, whispers that comfort is good, and the rest comes later. This editor really doesn't allow me to be an adult in a good way. Not in the sense of dullness and lack of play space, but in the sense of personality maturity.
I hear my inner voice mainly in situations that remind me of childhood, or when direct expression of creativity and imagination is needed. Sometimes I give in to the "editor" and sometimes I don't. The most important thing is to recognize his interference in time. Because he disguises himself well, hiding behind pseudological conclusions that actually make no sense. If I have identified him, then I try to understand what the problem is, what I want and where the truth really is. When this voice, for example, interferes with my creativity, I try to stop and go into the space of “complete emptiness”, starting all over again. The difficulty is that the “editor” can be difficult to distinguish from simple common sense. To do this, you need to listen to your intuition, move away from the meaning of words and concepts. This often helps.
How to make your self-talk positive
Reduce the amount of information entering your brain
When you read and watch more than you can absorb, a toxic compote of disparate facts brews in your mind. Unsubscribe from unnecessary newsletters, stop scrolling through social media feeds. Instead of surfing the Internet, engage in any active activity. Sports, cleaning, cooking, trench digging - to your taste. This will help you concentrate on the present moment. This means stop thinking about what doesn’t exist.
Use the DES technique
Sometimes you are not aware of the existence of an internal dialogue. Hence the inability to control it. DES (Descriptive Experience Sampling) is The Descriptive Experience Sampling method, designed to draw your attention to your own thoughts. And become one step closer to controlling them.
Set 3-4 random alarms a day on your phone, or ask a friend to do it. Let the signals repeat at different times of the day throughout the week. It is important that you do not expect them: this may distort your thoughts and the entire experiment. As soon as you hear the signal, write down what you were thinking about at that moment.
Write in the morning
First thing every morning, fill out three A4 sheets of paper by hand. Write whatever you want, without censorship or commas. If you don’t know what to write, write until you have thoughts.
Such “morning pages” will play the role of a sewer for the brain. Mental garbage poured onto paper will not be so intrusive during the day.
After three weeks, not earlier, re-read what you wrote. You will see that thoughts ride like trams on the same rails. Sometimes this awareness is enough for a serious leap in the development of mental culture.
Change negative language to challenges
When you notice a negative thought, even for a second, stop yourself. Dare to rephrase it as a challenge. Don't worry about being late, but think about how to be on time. Instead of grumbling, “I'm frustrated working on a team with this idiot,” ask yourself, “How can I work more effectively with this person?” Do you want to scold or call yourself out for making a mistake? Better think about what actions will make you more competent. You probably control what you say to others. So keep track of the remarks addressed to yourself.
The first results will appear within a week. And in a month, expect a powerful shift in perception for the better.
Develop a reflex
Place a money band or rubber bracelet on your hand. Every time you catch yourself ruminating or feeling sorry for yourself, pull back the rubber band and suddenly let go. Slap! If you do this exercise honestly, by the evening of the first day your wrist will ache. But after two or three weeks you will be much more comfortable alone with your thoughts.
Act without fanaticism
Desperately striving for eternal positivity is painful. If you want to suffer a little - good for you! The main thing is not to reproach yourself for being fixated on sad thoughts. Give yourself permission not to worry about not having fun. Negative self-talk will begin to dissolve on its own.
Thoughts form the state and intention to act. They help or hinder you in moving towards your goals. Control your internal dialogue! Otherwise, it will be controlled by the media and vacuum cleaner salesmen.
It's not easy to program yourself into new mental habits, but the results are worth it. Choose two or three techniques for yourself and practice them for 20 days. You will be surprised how radically your mental space will clear and your well-being will improve.
Irina
translator
My internal dialogue is framed as the voices of my grandmother and friend Masha. These are people whom I considered close and important: I lived with my grandmother as a child, and Masha was there during a difficult time for me. Grandma's voice says that my hands are crooked and that I am incompetent. And Masha’s voice repeats different things: that I have again contacted the wrong people, I am leading the wrong lifestyle and doing the wrong thing. They both always judge me. At the same time, voices appear at different moments: when something doesn’t work out for me, my grandmother “speaks,” and when everything works out for me and I feel good, Masha speaks.
I react aggressively to the appearance of these voices: I try to silence them, I mentally argue with them. I tell them in response that I know better what and how to do with my life. More often than not, I manage to out-argue my inner voice. But if not, I feel guilty and feel bad.
“Conversational” I call those verbs that successfully replace the wonderful word “said.” For example, the Strugatsky brothers did not bother too much with choosing a synonym:
“Then I asked:
- So he didn’t have many friends?
“He had no friends at all,” said Sergei Pavlovich. “I haven’t seen him since graduation, but the other guys in his group told me that he wasn’t dating them either. They are embarrassed to talk about it, but, as I understand it, he was simply avoiding the meeting.
And suddenly it burst.
- Well, why are you interested in Leo? I released one hundred and seventy-two people into the world. Why did you need Lev among them? Understand, I do not consider him my student! I can't count! This is my failure! My only failure! From the very first day and for ten years in a row, I tried to establish contact with him, to stretch at least a thin thread between us. I thought about him ten times more than about any of my other students. I turned myself inside out, but everything, literally everything I did, turned into evil...
- Sergei Pavlovich! - I said. - What are you saying? Abalkin is an excellent specialist, a high-class scientist, I personally met him...
- And how did you find him?
— A wonderful boy, an enthusiast... This was just the first expedition to the Golovans. Everyone there appreciated him, Komov himself had such hopes for him... And they came true, these hopes, mind you!
“I have wonderful raspberries,” he said. — The earliest raspberries in the region. Try it, I beg you..." (Beetle in an anthill)
Of course, writing dialogue without the verb “said” or a synonym is possible, and sometimes necessary. You can use verbs that describe the scene of action, details, gestures, facial expressions of characters, and actions. But “speaking” verbs perfectly convey the reaction and emotion of the characters in dialogue, and often one cannot do without them.
I collected such verbs, but noticed that I looked at my collection less and less often. Not because I’ve run out of verbs, but because I’m already coming up with them automatically. I want to share with you because it really helps a lot when writing dialogues.
This will be twenty selections on a specific topic, respectively - four parts of the article.
And at the end I’ll tell you about some rules for using verbs and common mistakes.
Top five:
Second five:
Third five:
Fourth five:
Of course, the list of verbs is not limited to the “twenty”. A lot of them. And the list can be replenished and replenished. The writer's flair for words will allow you to choose exactly the “spoken” verb that is needed.
What you should pay attention to (rules with anti-examples):
► The description of the gesture and facial expressions accompanying the remark may well replace the “speaking” verb. On the other hand, the redundancy of such actions makes the characters “nervous”; if this does not correspond to the plan, then it is better to remove unnecessary “body movements”.
- You are crazy?! - Petya rolled his eyes.
- You're the one who's gone crazy! - Anya stamped her foot.
► Participial and adverbial phrases in the author’s speech reduce the dynamics of the dialogue:
“We’ve both gone crazy,” Petya said, hugging Anya.
“Probably,” answered Anya, outraged by what was happening, freeing herself from her husband’s arms.
► It’s good when the “spoken” verbs correspond to the speech of the characters, so to speak, in their style. It's bad when it's the other way around.
“You don’t love me,” Anya summed up.
“We need to talk,” Petya summarized.
► You should not use the verbs “asked” or “exclaimed” if the replica already contains signs.
- And do you love me? - Petya asked.
- Certainly! - Anya exclaimed.
► You should not use the verbs “interrupted” or “did not finish”, since, as a rule, their meaning is already in the dialogue.
“What should we...” Anya didn’t finish.
► You should pay attention to adverbs in the case of attribution of verbs. Sometimes there is a duplication of meaning. It is better to remove the adverb.
- Let's make peace? - Anya whispered quietly.
- Let's! - the delighted Petya shouted loudly.
► In this case, you can attribute the dialogue to an action.
“And we won’t quarrel anymore.” - Anya turned to the table and began cutting cucumbers for the salad.
► Same type attributive verbs do not add color to the dialogue, unless they are necessary in meaning.
► Too bright speaking verbs overshadow the words of the characters. The emotion should still be in the scene itself, not in the verb.
- Anya, have you dyed your hair? - Petya pouted his lips offendedly.
- I do not like? - Anya raised her eyebrows contemptuously, about to object.
The rules are simple, and sometimes it’s even better to use the neutral verb “said.” And yet the list of “spoken” verbs helps me when writing dialogue. I hope it will be useful to you too)
Kira
prose editor
Mentally, I sometimes hear my mother’s voice, which condemns me and devalues my achievements, doubts me. This voice is always dissatisfied with me and says: “What are you talking about! Are you out of your mind? It’s better to do a profitable business: you have to earn money.” Or: “You should live like everyone else.” Or: “You won’t succeed: you’re nobody.” It appears when I have to make a bold move or take a risk. In such situations, the inner voice seems to be trying, through manipulation (“mom is upset”), to persuade me to the safest and most unremarkable course of action. In order for him to be satisfied, I must be inconspicuous, diligent, and please everyone.
I also hear my own voice: it calls me not by name, but by a nickname that my friends came up with. He usually sounds a little annoyed but friendly and says, “Okay. Stop it,” “What are you doing, baby,” or “That’s it, come on.” It motivates me to focus or take action.
