Principles of business communication: adherence to etiquette, styles and forms, what are the rules

Watch your body language

According to research Decoding of inconsistent communications. , body language is responsible for approximately 55% of how others interpret your emotional state. Therefore, it is important not only verbally, but also non-verbally to express a positive attitude and desire to cooperate. After all, no one wants to work with aggressive or overly critical people.

Remember to make eye contact when talking to someone. But look away from time to time, otherwise it may seem that you are trying to psychologically put pressure on the interlocutor.
When someone discusses a problem with you, express interest and curiosity. For example, by wrinkling your forehead or resting your chin on your hand.
Stay straight and relaxed. Gesture to better explain your point, and don't cross your arms to avoid appearing closed off.
Try to be parallel to your interlocutor. To do this, sit face to face during a conversation.

What is business communication?

Communication is an integral part of business. No business can operate a day without communication. Communication can occur with both internal and external partners. The exchange of information between employees (owners, managers and workers) is called internal communication.

On the other hand, external communication occurs when an organization exchanges messages with external partners - customers, suppliers, investors, government agencies, regulators, competitors, bankers, etc.

Business communication is a special area of general communication when interaction occurs between two or more parties on business issues. The main purpose of such communication is the exchange of information, wishes, opinions, etc.

Business communication is the area of communication where interaction is built on a professional level.

In the process of such communication, the principles and norms of business etiquette are appropriate to achieve certain goals and make any joint decision.

First of all, try to understand your interlocutor

Many people listen only to respond or to decide how what the other person says will be useful to them. Instead, during a conversation, think about what the other person is really trying to tell you. This will help you better understand his needs. Knowing them will help you come up with a decent response that will help build trust.

The interlocutor will have the feeling that you really care about his opinion, that you understand him better than others. He will have a more positive attitude towards you and will be more likely to cooperate with you in the future. Ultimately, this will help you get what you want faster and without unnecessary conflict, while helping the other person feel good.

How to develop negotiation skills

Be sure to maintain mutual respect. Always approach any negotiation with mutual benefit in mind. Make sure the other person clearly understands what they can get from communicating with you, and of course do not forget about your own benefits. Try to be more open and listen more than talk. If someone does something good for you, show gratitude and reciprocate. Don't be passive or aggressive when communicating, but you can be a little assertive. Write down all the key points of your conversation. Watch your partner's body language cues. And of course, prepare in advance for your negotiations. Write down everything you need to say so that during the conversation you will be confident and your negotiations will end successfully.

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Ask open questions

People often hold back and do not express their thoughts. To build a trusting relationship, you need to find out the real motives and desires of the interlocutor. Formulate questions in such a way that you can answer more than just “yes” or “no.” And don’t forget to mention that you won’t judge the other person for their answer.

For example, colleagues often share their irritation about some problem. To help them, you need to ask an open question: “What needs to change for the situation to get better?” This will help shift attention from the problem itself to its solution.

Then ask follow-up questions, such as, “What exactly do you mean?” This way, you can go deeper into the issue and find the causes of the problem, which means you will bring more benefit to your colleagues and strengthen your relationships with them.

The structure of interpersonal interaction

In the structure of social communication and interpersonal interaction, the following structural components are distinguished:

subjects of interaction;
subject of interaction;
mechanism for regulating relationships.

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Be honest

Of course, this is not so much a communication technique as a basic life principle. People don't trust those who behave suspiciously or don't say something. In work communication, it is especially important not to lie or hide important information from colleagues. Otherwise, effective teamwork will not work.

People will treat you better and respect you more if you are honest with them, even if it means admitting you were wrong. But still keep it in moderation. Some words may be honest but offensive.

Express your opinion correctly

By representing the views of others, you can shape your own so that they are acceptable to others. This does not mean that you need to adapt to others. Just express yourself in a way that doesn't offend your interlocutor.

For example, your boss asks what you think about a new development strategy. And let’s say you don’t like it, you see many negative consequences that the boss does not notice. After asking him a few open-ended questions, you realized that your views did not coincide. The boss is very happy with this strategy and believes it will work.

Instead of saying, “I think this is a terrible idea and it has too many weak points,” try to frame your opinion in a way that adds something useful to the conversation. If you simply criticize the plan, your boss will likely become angry and not be able to take constructive comments.

It would be better to say: “I understand what you were focusing on when you made this plan. And it can really benefit us in the future. But I'm a little worried about some things, I've encountered similar problems before. Are you interested in my opinion? The boss will see that you are cooperative and not just trying to criticize, and will take your words seriously.

Kinds

The objectives of business communication are the relationship between opponents of achieving a specific result in business. Work issues can be resolved using several forms of communication. The main ones include:

Business correspondence

A type of communication that is considered correspondence, since all necessary information is provided in writing. The letter must be prepared in accordance with the rules and within strictly established deadlines. The basic principle of business correspondence is that information should be presented concisely and clearly.

Business correspondence

Based on the form in which business correspondence is presented, interlocutors can draw conclusions from each other.

Business conversation

This is the most common form of communication. During the conversation between the boss and his subordinate, the assigned tasks are solved, the results of activities are discussed, and work issues are determined.

Business meeting

Companies regularly hold meetings to improve business results. This form of communication was created in order to resolve controversial issues, draw up plans, and identify problems that cannot be delayed.

Moreover, it is an effective interaction between the employees or partners of the firm.

Public speaking

The use of this form is used to provide informational or presentational information to listeners. It is important that the person speaking has a good understanding of the topic.

Performance

Business speech during public speaking should be competent and expressive.

Business meeting

An important form of communication as it is considered one of the integral parts of communication in business. Thanks to negotiations, you can solve your business goals and objectives in the shortest possible time, as well as listen to the opinion of your interlocutor.

Discussion

This is an exchange of opinions between business opponents. The specificity is that all participants are in equal positions.

Be ready to meet halfway

Everyone speaks and understands their interlocutor differently, based on their own field of activity, level of education and culture. Therefore, when explaining something to a person from another field, do not use slang words and terms. Give a simple analogy and use clear language.

This is very important because during your career you will have to collaborate with people from completely different fields. If you do not meet them halfway, many misunderstandings and mistakes may arise. And clarity and mutual understanding are the basis for effective work of the entire team.

Interpersonal Skills

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Communication with others is an activity consisting of a chain of continuous “actions”, such as speaking, listening, perceiving a partner, participating in a conversation, thinking, etc. All these actions are aimed at achieving some goal. One can therefore try to determine whether the intended goal has been achieved, and if not, then to what extent it was possible to approach it. If I listen carefully to what my colleague says, observe what he does, and think about what he sees and hear, then as a result I feel that I understand him. If I realize that my goal has not been achieved (that is, I do not understand this person), I will try to change something in my actions, I will try to take a closer look at him, I will ask him some questions, I will try to see in my mind’s eye something that used to be eluded me.

Sometimes the feeling of understanding turns out to be deceptive, and after some time some unforeseen and unexpected actions of a colleague will prompt me to correct my ways of relating to him. This impulse may also be dissatisfaction with the nature of the relationship. It is easy to see that a person learns various actions that make it easier for him to communicate with others. Sometimes his actions are very successful, and sometimes less so. Therefore, we can talk about the existence of skills that play an important role in shaping the nature of interpersonal relationships. I believe that every person can develop and improve their interpersonal skills; and although many people clearly consider them very important, no less important than, for example, driving a car or knowing a foreign language, few people, it seems to me, systematically and purposefully try to improve these skills.

When discussing this topic, people most often talk about character traits rather than acquired skills. However, it seems to me that the concepts of “trait” and “character” hide such a vague and varied content that they cannot serve as precise definitions that allow us to better know and understand another person. It is generally accepted that good relationships are established between people with good characters, and bad contacts are bad because they are established by people with bad characters or even characterless. This explanation of good or bad relationships significantly distorts the real state of affairs.

Trying to explain a dialectical phenomenon using formal logical concepts, we will not be able to see what changes in the phenomenon that interests us, and we will not be able to understand whether any changes are possible at all. The concept of “trait” is associated with something stable and unchanging, moreover, with something that is genetically predetermined in a person. This convinces us that the likelihood of improving relations is very small, since the quality of contacts depends on the “nature” of a person, on “the selection and selection of people with desirable traits.”

Human nature is formed under the influence of the circumstances of his life. Both nature and circumstances can be changed. Naturally, the way a subject interacts with others is determined not only by his interpersonal communication skills. The general attitude of the individual towards the world, other people and himself is also of great importance. However, these stable patterns of behavior, stereotypes of thinking and emotional experiences, formed under the influence of various circumstances and situations of interpersonal communication, can undergo changes under appropriate conditions. People interested in self-change can create such conditions.

The possibility of self-change largely depends on the degree of development of interpersonal communication skills, on how much a person is able to understand what exactly is happening in the process of his contacts with others, on whether he will be able to find a common language with them and jointly solve common problems.

When talking about developing interpersonal skills, there are some potential misunderstandings to be aware of. The concept of “skill”, “ability”, as a rule, is associated with the successful and brilliant execution of some actions, with a guarantee of achieving the desired results. However, communicating with people cannot be compared to manipulating objects or working with technical devices. No degree of development of relevant skills can be a guarantee of achieving the intended goals and establishing complete control over the state of contacts.

Thus, the goal of developing interpersonal communication skills should not be to improve the ability to manipulate others, but to develop the ability to create, oneself or together with partners, such conditions and atmosphere of relationships that would be conducive to a person’s psychological growth and the disclosure of his constructive capabilities.

The interpersonal skills discussed in this chapter are inextricably linked to several fundamentally important aspects that manifest themselves in relationships between people: mutual knowledge and understanding of each other; mutual influence and mutual assistance; joint resolution of problems and conflicts, as well as what constitutes a prerequisite for any contacts - communication or mutual exchange of information.

The skills and abilities associated with these moments are not systematically developed and organized into a special system. The degree of their development in a given individual is determined rather by the random result of the entire course of previous contacts with people.

Ability to understand people and their relationships

The ability to understand everything that happens between people and within people themselves, to comprehend the meaning of their actions, experiences, thoughts, aspirations, to realize the inner meaning of entire situations that arise as a result of the actions of several people is an ability whose importance is difficult to overestimate. It is especially important to be able to be aware not only of what concerns others, but also of one’s own behavior and reactions in specific situations of interpersonal communication. This ability is not formed on the basis of developing the skill to quickly and unambiguously make judgments about people and about oneself. The tendency to quickly and irrevocably judge people prevents us from truly understanding them deeply.

On the contrary, the ability to see connections between one’s own behavior and the reactions of others, between the actions of others and one’s own behavior helps to adequately understand people. This two-way connection between one person's behavior and another's internal reactions is the key to understanding what is really going on between people. To understand this connection, one should meet each other halfway, facilitating mutual understanding. And this requires openness and trust, developed self-awareness and agreement with oneself.

To know each other deeply requires a fairly high level of trust. Openness and willingness to share your thoughts and frankness in judgment regarding what is happening in the communication process are also necessary. And the willingness to be open largely depends on how aware and accepting partners are of themselves. A person who does not understand very well what is happening to him, who is not aware of his thoughts and intentions, will not be able to convey his experiences to his partner, and he will have to be content only with his own fantasies about what is “inside” his interlocutor. A person who does not accept himself as he is will try to hide his inner world from others or impose a false idea of himself on others.

When trying to understand others, we usually look for a clear answer to the question: “What is X really like?” If we manage to find the answer, we create for ourselves some kind of image of this person. Guided by this image, we plan our behavior towards him and try to predict his actions. However, very often the image we create prevents us from comprehensively assessing a living, changeable personality, understanding the actions and inner experiences of a person. After all, we are trying to explain the specific actions, aspirations and feelings of this person, based on a previously formed idea about him. It even happens that we do not notice some features of a person that do not fit into his image. Therefore, for those who would like to improve their contacts with others, it is important to have the ability to perceive “on the fly”, “here and now”, a person’s changing feelings, actions and thoughts. Thanks to this, deep and complete contact with another person becomes possible, as well as orientation in the current state of relations with him.

While discussing a variety of points in this chapter, we constantly returned to the question of knowing the “inner world” of another. The ability to see what is “inside” is something much more valuable than simply the ability to directly observe human behavior. This ability is often called empathy; it is based primarily on the creation of adequate images of what is not visible on the surface, which constitutes the hidden, internal plan of human behavior. It requires developed imagination and fantasy, without which we will not feel what a given subject is experiencing, what he is striving for, how he evaluates the world and himself. To do this, we must be able to look at people and various events through the eyes of the person we want to understand. And besides, it is necessary to constantly check whether our idea corresponds to the true state of affairs. Because only a person, who is the object of our cognitive activity, can make a final judgment about whether we understand it correctly.

The ability to influence and help another person

I will not dwell here on such a general problem as the willingness to take some practical steps for the benefit of others. But it is worth paying attention to a special type of assistance - mutual psychological assistance. In the lives of each of us, situations often arise that give rise to some kind of personal problems, and at such moments other people can sometimes help us.

We can distinguish two main types of circumstances associated with the provision and acceptance of assistance. One of them arises in a situation where an individual experiences serious difficulties and suffering and cannot cope with his problems on his own. Another type of circumstance is not associated with such an acute situation when outside help is vital, but there is the possibility and need for some changes for the better. An example of the first type of situation might be grief due to the loss of a loved one or loss of self-confidence as a result of a serious failure. An example of a situation of the second type could be a moment of difficult choice, or making a vital decision, or searching for a more optimal way of life, etc.

It seems to me that the most common forms of psychological assistance in everyday life are good advice and support. Often they seem effective only on the surface, but in reality they do not make the life of the person in need much easier. I think the greatest value comes from relationships with someone who is experiencing serious difficulties in which their own ability to cope with their problems increases. It also seems to me that the ability to give help is to some extent connected with the ability to receive it, and the latter for some people is by no means an easy matter.

Influencing another person is most often associated with the ability to subjugate people to your will, and almost each of us has our own ideas on this matter. The latter, however, does not mean that the essence of the ability to influence others is reduced to the desire to take possession of a person. This is the case when influencing objects or inanimate nature. This idea of the mechanisms of influence on other people is very common, but it is by no means the only one. Since here we are primarily interested in interpersonal relationships, we can closely connect the problem of influence with the problem of forming contacts. Let's formulate the problem in the form of a question that often confronts us in various situations (but not the question “what can I do to change this person?”): “What can I do so that the nature of our relationship changes in the desired direction?” True, the state of the relationship depends not only on me, but also on my partner, but I can directly influence my role in this relationship.

The main tool with which we establish contacts with others and influence them in a certain way is our personality with all its inherent limitations and characteristics. If the impact on another person is determined by the nature of my needs, aspirations and desires, then almost always the response to me from this person reflects his needs, aspirations and desires in the same way. The real consequences of directed influence lie in the exchange of mutual influences and affect both partners. This may occur in the form of struggle and skirmishes, or perhaps in the form of joint activity and interaction. Thus, the ability to influence another person can be understood as the ability to build relationships in the desired direction.

Often we want to be able to successfully achieve goals that are important to us in situations where someone interferes with this or complicates this process. At such moments, no one thinks about working together - the main task is to overcome an obstacle or eliminate the threat from the other. This especially applies to various life conflicts associated with the struggle against someone’s injustice or dishonesty. Indeed, it is difficult to imagine that with such a person - the “source of evil” - who deliberately humiliates people and violates moral principles, it would be possible to establish relations of cooperation and interaction. Although there are still many such situations in our lives, sometimes I think: don’t we too often rise to “fight evil”, attributing conscious evil intent to people? I would like to pay more attention to the various forms of “peaceful coexistence” in this book. So, the basis of the ability to influence others is the ability to expand contacts built on interaction and cooperation.

Ability to resolve problems and conflicts

Difficulties and conflicts inevitably arise in interpersonal relationships; they are a natural part of our lives. There is a widespread belief in everyday life that conflicts are something unfavorable and dangerous, that they should be avoided at all costs, and that good relationships between people are characterized by the complete absence of any conflicts. As a result of the great popularity of such views, people try to hide their conflicts from others and even from themselves. Thus, some of the conflicts exist, as it were, on an internal, hidden plane.

Underlying conflictual relationships make mutual contacts difficult; people often feel powerless in front of them, because “even though we agreed not to quarrel anymore, we cannot love each other again.” If we are not sufficiently aware of our conflict experiences, trying to hide them under external agreement and delicacy, we have great difficulty coping with them. This is sometimes associated with situations when conflicts seem to be resolved outwardly, while in fact they are intensifying and protracting. Often, as a result of old and unresolved conflicts, a person suddenly “explodes” and with his rage and rudeness inflicts severe wounds on others.

Often, condemnation of the very fact of the existence of conflicts and the naive belief that one can live life without ever having a conflict with anyone is associated with insufficient differentiation between the conflict itself and the method of resolving it. But there are effective ways to resolve conflicts caused by differences in views, attitudes and aspirations, and discrepancies in goals and actions. They strengthen relationships and are therefore extremely valuable. Successfully resolving differences together can bring people closer together than years spent exchanging pleasantries. However, along with this, there are also ways to resolve conflicts that poison people’s lives and destroy even stable long-term relationships.

It is impossible to successfully cope with something unclear and invisible. Therefore, one of the most important elements of the ability to resolve interpersonal conflicts is the ability to fully understand the scope and details of disagreements and discuss them openly with a partner. This style of behavior is directly opposite to that which is based on everyday ideas such as: “let’s not talk about what is unpleasant for us,” “why bring up the old, it’s better not to aggravate the situation,” “we still can’t resolve all the contradictions, maybe all somehow it will get better on its own,” etc.

This “smoothing over” of real conflicts often dulls the feeling of fear and apprehension associated with expectations of what could happen if the conflicts came to light. These fears are based on past negative experiences and the lack of hope for a successful resolution of the identified conflicts. Unfortunately, as a result, we have to pay a considerable price for avoiding attempts to cope with actual conflicts - unresolved problems are accumulated and postponed in our individual experience. Very often, even if it is possible to avoid external manifestations of conflict, the burden of completely unexpressed claims, grievances, and disappointments gradually increases, which in turn complicates and emasculates relationships.

Therefore, when a conflict of aspirations, attitudes, interests arises between people, the ability to confront – explain – “face to face”, the ability, on the one hand, to defend one’s position, and on the other, to strive to achieve more sincere and close relationships with another person.

In interpersonal relationships, problems often arise that complicate contacts, but are not conflicts. They, for example, may be the result not so much of antagonistic aspirations as of individual differences between partners, such as: different ways of spending time; differences in life activity and initiative, temperament and interests. The leading role in resolving such problems is played by the ability to fully understand their nature and determine how far individual differences can lead and under what conditions they will become a threat to relationships. The level of mutual tolerance, readiness to accept a partner as he is, depends on how attractive the relationship with him seems. Mutual tolerance results from the ability to coexist with another.

Interpersonal skills and individual personality experience

It is easy to see that none of the skills listed above can be mastered completely. Everyone, however, can try to develop and improve these abilities throughout their lives. However, you cannot rely solely on reading books or following even the best advice. The development of such skills is based on a person’s own experience, gleaned in the process of contacts with other people. This is one of the main ways to teach communication skills. The other, traditionally associated with the concept of learning, is based on the acquisition of ready-made knowledge and judgment.

It is clear that both paths are necessary for a person. However, as a rule, too much importance is attached to learning theoretical knowledge, and based on life experience, people, unfortunately, learn unsystematically and often unsuccessfully.

Personal experience, even very rich and varied, is not acquired on its own, automatically. Contrary to popular belief, the fact that a person has had to endure a lot in communicating with others does not mean that such a person has acquired developed interpersonal skills. First of all, you need to analyze and understand what constitutes the content of life experience, draw appropriate conclusions and, on their basis, take some steps in order to re-analyze the consequences of your actions and undertake further searches.

I wrote about this in more detail in my book “Searching for Yourself,”* in the chapter called “Icarus.” It seems to me that, based on my own experience, you can much more successfully develop abilities that are important from the point of view of interpersonal relationships if:

treat your subjective experience with greater confidence, that is, accept your real feelings and experiences, try to comprehend their meaning and the signals hidden in them about what is happening between me and the world in which I live;

experiment with yourself, that is, actively look for new and more adequate ways of behavior, thinking, perception and evaluation, check your assumptions and judgments, do not be afraid to ask questions to yourself, etc.;

look in the surrounding reality for information containing feedback - external signals about the real consequences of one’s own actions, in particular about what reactions and feelings my behavior causes in other people in a particular situation, and having received this information, evaluate it, paying attention mainly on what and how I do;

be able to consciously make choices and make decisions about how to behave, try to be the author of your actions, strive to be responsible for your actions, that is, be able and be ready to answer others and yourself unambiguously - YES or NO - to any questions , which life repeatedly puts before us;

analyze your achievements and failures, not attributing your successes only to chance, but trying to understand what led to them; not regarding failures as defeats that need to be quickly forgotten or found to blame, but by examining their causes.

* See: Mellibruda J. Poszukiwanie samego siebe. Warsaw, 1977.

You can't learn interpersonal skills alone, like playing the piano. This requires cooperation with other people who are equally interested in developing similar abilities. Collaborative learning turns out to be much more effective, although you can do some things yourself.

When learning on your own, it is very important to be able to combine observation and active learning in equal proportions. As a rule, these types of activities are separated, and people seeking to understand and see something prefer to observe from some distance, but not take part in it. On the contrary, those who are actively involved in something usually have difficulty truly understanding what is happening. Being able to observe and participate at the same time is very difficult, but extremely important, and this ability can be developed. First, you have to pay a considerable price by limiting your own spontaneity and freedom. This is mainly due to the fact that simultaneously understanding what you yourself are doing at the moment and what is happening around you is possible only by strengthening control over yourself and over the situation. An excessive desire to control one's thoughts and actions and the reactions and thoughts of others can not only interfere with mastering the necessary skills, but also turn into excessive mental stress, which will complicate contacts and turn out to be a source of tension and anxiety.

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

We all use interpersonal skills every day. This area of activity is familiar to us and extremely extensive. The shortest list of interpersonal skills includes:

• consultation skills: consulting clients, colleagues, employers and other social partners;

• communication skills in the social sphere: speaking to a wide audience of different categories of citizens;

• assertiveness (self-confidence) skills: the ability to say “no”, the ability to adhere to the terms of the contract and fulfill obligations, the ability to demand that clients comply with employment laws;

• facilitation skills: holding meetings, discussions, helping to develop plans and managing groups;

• skills in writing and telephone conversations.

Any specialist in all the diversity of his activities must master a wide variety of interpersonal communication skills. However, skills alone are not enough. A person with well-developed interpersonal communication skills will necessarily show such qualities as humanity and consideration towards other people.

PERSONAL QUALITIES THAT ENSURE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Some human qualities are a necessary condition for effective interpersonal relationships and underlie all relationships between people that can be called effective. You should not begin teaching interpersonal skills without first discussing the attitudes and personal qualities associated with this concept. Those who help people master interpersonal skills must again and again refer to these fundamental qualities as the central focus of all discussions.

Warmth in relationships

In interpersonal relationships, “warmth” refers to the ability to be accessible and open to the client. Warmth in relationships is both a special style of thinking and a skill. A skill that manifests itself in the ability to be honest with oneself, in the willingness to be open to other people, in the form of treating another person as an equal.

If we provide professional help to someone, we have an obligation to show warmth towards that person. However, we should not expect the same attitude towards us.

Nevertheless, our relationships with other people are built on the principle of feedback: when we come into contact with a person, we assume what impression we will make on him, and we build our behavior in accordance with this. This is why we sense whether we have lost our sense of proportion in showing our good attitude, and understand when our warmth is perceived negatively. This ability to control one's behavior and one's relationships with others is an important part of the process of developing communication and consultation skills.

Sincerity

Sincerity is another important aspect of professional relationships. A true professional sincerely wants to help another person and cares about him. It is almost impossible to fake professional interest. Sincerity is directly related to the specialist’s interest in establishing good relationships between two people. Any means that promote the development of such relationships should be used. Nothing prevents you from being sincere and at the same time fully aware of what is happening and at the same time recording the growth of your competence in the field of interpersonal relationships. A good specialist is a person who is able to be truly sincere and at the same time demonstrate this quality to other people.

Warmth and sincerity can be developed if a person recognizes them as qualities in general and makes certain efforts to abandon insincerity and “demonstration of professionalism.” If we truly want to help other people, we must know that we cannot do this by being too rigid in our professional communication.

Empathy

To understand other people, we need the ability to empathize. Empathy is the ability to enter the world of another person’s perception, that is, to see the world as others see it. To empathize does not mean to sympathize. When we show empathy, we try to imagine what it would be like to be another person. In order to truly empathize with another person, you need to become that person. By listening to the interlocutor, giving him our attention and in no way judging, we strive to get closer to his world. We can learn to forget about ourselves for a while and, as much as possible, give ourselves to others.