5 effective ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem

Definition

A woman’s self-esteem is the ability to objectively assess her own abilities, personal qualities, social status and herself as a person. Relationships in society and a woman’s position in the family and at work are determined by the attitude towards one’s own person.

The level of self-esteem ensures the complexity of the goals and objectives that a woman is trying to achieve in life. One strives to take a leadership position, knowing that she can do it. Another has been content with working as a clerk for 20 years, without thinking about anything more. One marries a prince, the other lives with an alcoholic and a brawler, unable to provide for his family, afraid of being left alone.

Self-esteem is one of the basic concepts of psychology. We come across assessments of our abilities more often than we think. Whether we are catching up with a bus leaving a stop, writing an essay at a university, or preparing a new dish for the arrival of guests, first we evaluate our capabilities - the speed of movement, the ability to reveal the topic of the essay, or the ability to cook.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Self-analysis in everyday life is a tool for monitoring and measuring behavior patterns.
Inadequate comparison of the image of the “I” located in a person’s thoughts with reality leads to low or high self-esteem, to a neurotic split of personality, but not in the clinical sense. A modern person is a “set of self-presentations,” that is, he wants to please others and flaunts those character traits (often not inherent to him) that, in his opinion, should set him apart from the crowd. Over time, he begins to believe in the invented image, to correspond to it, breaking away from reality. When real goals and tasks are set before him, he finds himself unable to fulfill or solve them. Self-esteem drops.

The concept of “performance self-assessment” refers to a comprehensive assessment of an enterprise by employees in order to identify weaknesses in production, financial or interpersonal terms.

The importance of self-esteem for a woman

Women who are unsure of their abilities are 1.5 times more likely than men. This is caused by the critical attitude of the fair sex to their appearance, difficulties in career growth, and financial dependence on a partner.

A high assessment of her capabilities allows a woman to please the man who is interested in her.

If she feels feminine and is confident in this, she will not allow a man to raise his voice at her. The gentleman listens to her opinion because he wants it himself. He will never look in the direction of another lady, he will not even mentally cheat on his woman. She is an object of adoration for him, which he is afraid of losing. Being around her is always interesting, not boring, easy.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

At the genetic level, a woman has a need to please men. If a lady has no problems in her personal life, she is satisfied with relationships with the opposite sex, then professionally she is able to achieve great heights.

Therefore, it is important, starting from the cradle, to praise the child for all, even minor, successes. Support his initiatives and endeavors by developing a sense of self-confidence from an early age.

The benefits of high self-esteem in women

Doesn't agree to toxic relationships

A woman will not allow herself to be humiliated and will not date a loser who asserts himself at her expense. She has high requirements for a life partner, so only a few pass through careful selection. She really evaluates her fans and has no illusions that a lazy person will suddenly build a business empire, and a drinker will give up bad habits. She will undoubtedly weed out everyone who tries to lower her self-esteem and subjugate her.

Inflated self-esteem brings not only benefits, but also harm

Values ​​herself and makes a man treat her the same way

She knows how to present herself correctly, even if she does not stand out in appearance or intelligence. A woman is confident, charismatic, and this captivates men. She herself forms their opinion about herself. She is surrounded by only people who respect her, because she will not agree to anything less.

Doesn’t get hung up on relationships, but develops in different directions

For a woman with high self-esteem, finding a man is not the main thing. She doesn't cling to every guy who pays attention to her. She has hobbies, girlfriends, work, so it is men who have to seek her attention. She will not sit and wait for his call, and will not bother him with messages.

Low self-esteem

Four out of ten women in Russia place excessive demands on themselves, based on the opinions of others and stereotypes imposed by the media. Having failed to achieve their goal, they become isolated in their flaws and shortcomings. They believe that they are not able to evoke sincere love, and they experience feelings of dissatisfaction, uncertainty, and inferiority.

A woman’s low self-esteem makes her succumb to difficulties, not realizing her capabilities, and suffer from an inferiority complex. She is afraid of the opposite sex because of her perceived unattractiveness.

Modesty turns into self-humiliation, hostility to external appearance.

A woman becomes fixated on the physical features of her body, be it fatness, short stature, a large nose or protruding ears. Everything is perceived by her as ugliness.

Manifestations of low self-esteem:

• inability to refuse requests from relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, even to the detriment of one’s own interests;
• lack of faith in one's own strengths and capabilities;
• constant complaints about one’s lot, fate, getting used to the role of a victim, broadcasting it at the first opportunity;
• excessive sensitivity to criticism;
• hesitation when making decisions, the desire for “everything to be decided by itself”;
• surrounding oneself with people who confirm the helplessness and worthlessness of a woman’s existence;
• unreasonable jealousy towards a partner, friends, family.

Sometimes low self-esteem manifests itself in one area of ​​life. A woman who has not realized herself professionally becomes a domestic tyrant for her household. And, conversely, if there are problems in her personal life, she takes it out on her work colleagues.

Stop factors for increasing a woman’s self-esteem:

1. Convenience of the situation, fear of showing autonomy and independence. “If my husband understands that I can do everything myself and earn money, he will leave me.”
2. Fear of looking selfish in the eyes of family and friends. A person is inconvenient when it is impossible to manipulate him, but he is not an egoist.
3. Fear of losing your job if you express an opinion different from the generally accepted one.

The requirement to treat oneself with respect does not degrade a person.

A confident person is willing to take reasonable risks and gives himself the right to make mistakes. An insecure person believes that he must be perfect in everything - and therefore constantly marks time. (Andrey Yashurin)

By protecting your boundaries, you do not become a selfish person. You are becoming an adult.

How low female self-esteem manifests itself

Not every representative of the fairer sex will agree that she sees herself distorted from the outside. Inadequate and negative perceptions do not go away on their own. It requires a long struggle, the result of which will be confidence and self-love. Identifying signs of low self-esteem in yourself is the first step towards defeating them.

1. A woman with low self-esteem, as a rule, does not know how to refuse. She will definitely try to fulfill the request, even if she doesn’t want to. The reason is that she thinks that refusal will disappoint others, and they will treat her worse.
2. Insecure women do not trust their strengths and abilities. Assumptions: “what if I can’t” or “I’m not worthy of this” become a serious obstacle to achieving the goal.
3. Often self-critical individuals complain about their difficult lot, bitter fate and insurmountable difficulties in life. Circumstances force them to consider themselves insolvent and weak, unable to change anything for the better without someone's help. They get used to the state of the victim and expect sympathy from others.
4. Another alarming symptom is excessive vulnerability. A woman is very worried about comments or advice. She perceives any manifestation of criticism or disapproval as a personal insult, since she considers mistakes, on her part, unacceptable.
5. Against the background of low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with appearance and a desire to discover more and more shortcomings appear.
6. A woman suffering from low self-esteem is not comfortable hearing compliments and beautiful words from the opposite sex. She may consider them deception or ridicule, since she is sure that she is not capable of arousing admiration or sincere feelings.
7. Indecisiveness and the inability to act independently in difficult situations are also signs of low self-esteem. A woman doubts herself, wants her problems to be solved for her, and prefers to sit idly by until everything is over. So that if something goes wrong, the other person will be held accountable.
8. A woman with low self-esteem often chooses the “wrong” people in her environment, who, with constant criticism and claims, lower her level of self-respect even lower. Such communication helps her become convinced of her own helplessness or insignificance.
9. Often a woman puts on a mask of excessive self-pride and arrogance. In this way she tries to hide her shortcomings.

Reasons for low self-esteem

The formation of self-esteem throughout life is influenced by various factors.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

The main reasons for low female self-esteem:

• problems in childhood: lack of parental love and attention, criticism and prohibitions on their part, conflicts in the home;
• physical disabilities or chronic diseases;
• feeling of guilt for the unjustified expectations of parents, teachers, mentors;
• dependence on the opinion of the “crowd” to the detriment of one’s interests, while the woman experiences internal discomfort;
• criticism;
• treason, betrayal;
• divorce or separation from a loved one;
• inflated goals that are impossible to achieve in principle;
• a string of life failures.

To correct the situation, find out where the uncertainty came from, what prevents you from accepting yourself “without a mask.” There is no need to be afraid of constructive self-analysis.

Learn more about the reasons for low self-esteem →

Diffidence

A woman who does not value herself tries to smooth out conflict situations at any cost, allowing people to demonstrate open disrespect for her. She hopes that in this case she will avoid such treatment in the future. But her actions today provoke the offenders, who feel permissiveness and impunity, to behave more rudely and unceremoniously with her the next time they meet.

The opposite of shy people are hostile but self-doubting individuals. Even in a small dispute, they make desperate attempts to prove that they are right at any cost. This is their defensive reaction, so they hide the feeling of inferiority.

Uncertainty harms talented individuals, preventing them from fully revealing their abilities. Gifted people first of all need to get rid of this deficiency with the help of trainings and exercises recommended by psychologists. Their success depends on it.

Uncertainty manifests itself not so much in self-criticism, as is commonly believed, but in relationships with other people. A confident person does not need regular confirmation of self-esteem, endless analysis of other people's opinions about themselves. He does not need approval, he believes in his own strength.

If a person lacks basic self-confidence, his self-esteem constantly changes from “I am God” to “I am worthless” depending on the situation. It is difficult to communicate with such people.

Difficulties in communicating with an insecure woman:

1. “We are responsible for those we have tamed.” She will suffer if you did not answer her call or did not dial her number yourself. You'll have to constantly tell her how good she looks, cooks, runs a house, drives a car, feeding her ego. They will force you to feel guilty even for something you didn’t do. You will have to empathize with her, because she has no one closer to you. And that means you must...
2. Suspicion and increased sensitivity. Get ready for such a lady to be offended several times a day. In this case, you must guess the reason that caused such a reaction yourself. An accidental glance, an unliked photo on her page on social networks, your statement about a new employee in the team - everything can cause resentment in an insecure woman.
3. Relationship addiction. Insecure people, and women in particular, are afraid of being alone. Even for a day, for an hour, for a few minutes. Therefore, they rush headlong into relationships, friendly or romantic. The entire environment should feed the ego of the “vulnerable creature”, which, in turn, will secretly tell the whole world in great detail about your relationship. People with low self-esteem fantasize a lot and expect this from every acquaintance. When expectations are not met, they fall into deep depression, feeling sorry for themselves.

A woman’s low self-esteem makes communication difficult.

Awareness of the existing problem by the lady herself will allow her to fight this shortcoming together with her partner or friends.

Stop comparing yourself to others!

Psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson is convinced that there are things that we need to learn throughout our lives - to accept ourselves and not compare with others. She stresses that just because someone on social media or even in person looks happy, it doesn't mean they are happy. As a result, this only leads to low self-esteem, anxiety and stress. Low self-esteem can also negatively impact your mental and physical health, as well as other areas of your life, such as work and relationships.

❹

Dissatisfaction with yourself and your appearance

Self-esteem is the result of comparison.

Russians are dissatisfied with their appearance:

• 75% figure;
• 44% cellulite;
• 40% body hair;
• 17% by a certain part of the body (nose, ears, chin, etc.).

72% of women surveyed believe that there is no need for the services of a plastic surgeon.

If you don’t love yourself as you are now, there will always be a reason for grief: your neighbor is slimmer, your colleague has longer legs, your sister has wrinkle-free skin, and so on ad infinitum. The result is a shattered nervous system for the woman and her partner, since he will have to constantly listen to this nonsense.

Dissatisfaction with appearance in most women occurs in childhood, adolescence or after childbirth, when a woman’s physiology undergoes drastic changes. It intensifies with age.

According to sociological surveys, 7 out of 10 women in Russia are dissatisfied with their appearance. Only 7% of women are confident in their beauty. 60% of respondents need compliments, that is, maintaining self-esteem.

Raising self-esteem by adjusting appearance is considered effective by most women. To achieve the goal, modern drugs and cosmetology procedures, fitness, diets, and plastic surgery come to the rescue.

Inflated self-esteem of people

To the question - what is a person with high self-esteem called - there is a very clear answer. Moreover, there is even a myth about such a person - about Narcissus. Accordingly, we can conclude that the problem of assessing oneself and one’s capabilities arose a very long time ago. The idea that the problem arose only in the 21st century is erroneous. A person’s desire for high self-esteem of his personality was considered in ancient times. A similar situation is described in the myth of Narcissus, when a young man could not love anyone, because he sincerely believed that he was the crown of creation, but the story ended sadly - the guy died and became a daffodil flower.

Since then, the name narcissist has become a household name - this is the name given to people who tend to exaggerate their capabilities and at the same time underestimate other people. A person is sure that he is better than everyone else, and everyone around him is worse than him.

Signs of high self-esteem in women and men are a consequence of a distorted self-image formed in childhood. Inflated self-esteem in a teenager negatively affects his relationships with peers. In adulthood, when a person is capable of self-analysis, he can influence his own self-esteem.

Signs of high self-esteem:

• A guy or girl with high self-esteem is characterized by a categorical perception of the people around them; they sincerely believe that there is only one correct opinion - theirs; they do not know how to accept other arguments;
• excessive confidence in one’s own capabilities and strengths, a person cannot adequately assess his qualifications, knowledge and takes on tasks that he cannot cope with;
• a person does not strive for self-development, because he believes that he is the smartest, knows and can do everything;
• absolute non-acceptance of criticism - a person with high self-esteem reacts sharply and negatively to any criticism.

Considering such communicative and social characteristics of a person with a distorted perception of himself, it is important to understand how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem. The more a person exalts himself, the more difficult it is for him to establish contacts with people, and acute conflicts arise. Those around you, in response to such a disdainful attitude, will create unbearable conditions for a person, so you should understand whether you need to turn people against yourself for the sake of your own pride.

Communication problems

A person needs communication. Some easily maintain a conversation on any topic, can present themselves favorably when communicating with an employer, and quickly make new acquaintances. Others experience difficulties communicating with friends and cannot justify their arguments to opponents, fearing to say “the wrong thing.”

If professionally a woman is brilliant, but does not know how to present herself to the public, then all her dull evidence of rightness will be useless - she will not be heard.

Peculiarities of speech of insecure people:

• rarely initiate conversations;
• speak in abrupt phrases, quickly, to exclude questions;
• are constantly interested in the opinion of the interlocutor, sometimes passing it off as their own;
• self-promotion, frequent use of the pronoun “I”;
• use of filler words.

In order for everyone around you to feel confident in your voice, you need to relax before a performance using, for example, breathing exercises. Speak in a low voice, slowly, taking pauses.

“When communication with a person becomes too tense, you are tempted to break the thread.” (Juliana Wilson)

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Train your voice through physical activity and an active lifestyle.

Confidence comes from knowledge of the issue, so improve your skills, expand your horizons, read books.

Comparing yourself with others

Psychology does not recommend comparing yourself with other people. But the essence of self-esteem is comparison, spontaneous and inevitable. The more often an insecure woman compares herself with other representatives of the fair sex, the lower her self-esteem will be.

It is more correct to compare yourself not with other individuals, but with yourself, but some time ago. Use photographs or video materials for this if it comes to appearance. The best judges of culinary achievements will be your family and friends, and the best judges of professionalism will be your management and colleagues.

Problems in relationships with men

An insecure woman always has problems in relationships with the opposite sex, regardless of whether she is married or not. They are expressed differently.

Let us roughly distinguish three stages in the relationship between a man and a woman:

1. Before we meet. The lady does not have a boyfriend, she is actively searching. If a woman estimates her chances of meeting an interesting man low, she settles for unworthy applicants, turning a blind eye to the shortcomings already upon meeting her. Even seeing aggression or disrespect for herself in the behavior of her chosen one, she continues the relationship, considering herself to be the culprit of her partner’s behavior.
2. Married relationships, as a rule, are codependent among people with low self-esteem, that is, they cannot imagine life without a partner and tolerate everything from him. A woman's insecurity in her husband manifests itself in excessive jealousy, constant nagging and checking. She makes the life of her loved one unbearable. And he, in turn, tries to be at home less often, going to work, visiting friends or his mistress.
3. After a breakup, which is usually initiated by a partner who is unable to tolerate an insecure spouse, she clutches at any straw to keep her husband. He promises to change, blames himself for everything, begs her not to leave her, since she can’t handle it alone. Self-esteem in a relationship drops sharply when the husband leaves for his mistress. An abandoned woman compares herself with her rival, finds a lot of flaws and shortcomings in herself, and goes into depression.

The formula for good relationships is simple: “If you don’t like something in a relationship, try to change it. If this is not possible, give up such a relationship.”

Which men choose women with low self-esteem

Women with low self-esteem most often attract the attention of the same men and, at best, when they start a family, they become another pair of gray, unremarkable people, with a bunch of complexes and unfulfilled plans.

But there are also cases when such women come to the attention of powerful, authoritarian and despotic men. Manipulators, egoists and domestic tyrants prefer to deal with women who have low self-esteem. Insecure and weak-willed representatives of the fair sex are ideal victims who are extremely easy to manage . It is easy to convince such a lady that her task is to run the house, please her husband and raise children. She will perform the function of a housewife and personal servant; her interests will not be taken into account, since a man is not interested in them.

A woman with low self-esteem does not need constant attention; she is ready to be content with what she has. There is no need to be jealous of her, since her whole world revolves exclusively around her husband; she cannot imagine her life without him. She will not resist, even if he begins to raise his hand against her.

note

Authoritarian men and skilled manipulators will be able to convincingly argue for such “punishment” and convince the woman that it is her fault.

A woman of weak character ends up becoming an object of consumerism not only from her husband, but also from the people around her. Knowing about her dependability, they can dump a lot of other people’s responsibilities at work on her. In many offices you can see such a gray mouse that only the lazy would not chase after a cup of coffee.

The desire to please everyone

A woman who does not respect herself seeks approval and recognition through others. For her, what is more important is not her own values ​​and desires, but other people’s opinions about her. She curries favor with colleagues, acquaintances, and friends, trying to please and please them, solving other people's problems.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

The lady does everything to be noted and praised.
If this does not happen, she begins to experience anger, indignation, and resentment.

When her expectations are not met, her self-esteem drops even lower.

Don't try to impress others at the expense of your own interests. You need to value yourself first.

Painful perception of criticism

Resentment and indignation are the feelings that an insecure woman experiences when she hears that she is wrong or is mistaken in her vision of the situation. Any criticism is met with hostility. A negative statement that does not have a specific addressee is taken personally by her.

Criticism hurts when it hits an existing wound. The more such wounds, the more sensitive a person is to critical statements about himself. Insecure people have a lot of “pain points”, so their sharp reaction to comments is understandable.

Unable to accept gifts and attentions

A woman with an underestimated ability does not consider herself worthy of love and does not allow the idea that the opposite sex may have sincere feelings for her. Therefore, she feels “out of place” when they present her with flowers, gifts, or try to get to know her.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, make sure you are not surrounded by idiots. (Sigmund Freud)

Compliments are said to praise a woman and focus attention on her merits. But it’s different with an insecure lady. She will take them for flattery, deception or mockery. You don’t have to expect gratitude from her for the nice words. A representative of the fair half of humanity will pretend that she ignored your words or will change the topic of conversation.

What are they like - women with low self-esteem?

A person with low self-esteem is quite easy to recognize; you just need to take a little closer look at your surroundings and yourself, in case you don’t objectively evaluate yourself either. Psychologists recommend paying attention to the following signs:

• Reliability. Weak-willed women do not know how to refuse people their requests. They can then scold themselves for this, they will be angry and worried. But despite their emotional experiences, they will continue to respond to other people’s requests, because for such women, other people’s opinions are important, they are afraid of condemnation and rejection by others.
• Inability to tolerate criticism. A woman with low self-esteem cannot adequately perceive other people’s criticism; for her, this can become the very trigger that will send her into prolonged depression and once again serve as proof of her own worthlessness.
• Dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Even if a woman with low self-esteem is not criticized or treated with disdain, she will still feel unworthy of attention and compliments. Such ladies are too critical of themselves, they see only shortcomings in themselves and prefer not to stand out from the crowd of people around them.
• Lack of ambition. Even if a woman has her own plans and dreams, she is unlikely to realize them because she does not have the necessary determination and determination. They will carry out other people's orders and requests, agree with other people's opinions, even if they do not adhere to them, and in the end they will revel in their dreams, sitting in their nook.
• Need for pity. A woman with low self-esteem may complain to her colleagues about her tyrant husband, disobedient children and villainous mother-in-law. Surrounded by family and friends, they will talk about problems at work and the injustice of their bosses. By such behavior they expect to receive an additional portion of attention and pity. But they are not able to change their lives: leave their authoritarian spouse or find another job.

A high self-evaluation

Inflated self-esteem is not common in women. This is the lot of the male half of humanity. Sometimes women who want to get rid of low self-esteem acquire signs of overestimating themselves without noticing or wanting it.

“Symptoms” of high female self-esteem:

• unshakable confidence in one’s rightness;
• blaming other people and circumstances for your own failures;
• excessive pride;
• inability to apologize;
• constant competition with colleagues, friends, family;
• expressing your point of view, even if it is not asked;
• frequent use of the pronoun “I”;
• idealizing oneself in everything;
• mistakes and failures “knock such a woman out of the saddle” for a long time and irritate her;
• fear of looking defenseless, weak;
• unhealthy selfishness;
• arrogant, commanding tone when communicating.

A woman’s increased self-esteem forces her to constantly “be on her toes”, trying to prove to others her strength and exclusivity. This doesn't make a woman happy. Her life resembles a constant pursuit. Problems among representatives of the fair sex with high self-esteem are no less common than among women who lack self-confidence.

Causes of high self-esteem

1. Problems with high self-esteem usually begin in childhood, namely, with the narcissism of parents, when mom and dad perceive the child as a way of self-affirmation, and the child’s emotional needs are not adequately satisfied.
2. Another common reason for high self-esteem is when the child is the only one in the family; the problem is especially acute when parents have been unable to give birth to a baby for a long time.
3. Spoiled in childhood - when parents cannot properly build a relationship with a child, indulge his wishes, pay excessive attention and put interests above their own, most likely, in adulthood such a child will have to deal with inflated self-esteem.
4. Many people with attractive appearance have high self-esteem, since beautiful facial features are perceived by a person as superior to other people. More often than not, appearance becomes the reason for a woman’s high self-esteem.
5. In some cases, an incorrect perception of oneself is formed under the influence of teachers who single out favorites in the group of students or based on other criteria - the financial situation of the family, the social status of parents.
6. The absence of difficult challenges in life forms high self-esteem in a child, and then in an adult.
7. The presence of special talents in a person - such people are often extolled, and under the influence of public opinion, he develops high self-esteem.
8. Good financial situation - when a person is financially independent, his assessment of himself and his capabilities increases.

Important! Often people with high self-esteem conflict with those who have a much lower perception of themselves and their capabilities.

Signs of healthy self-esteem

With an adequate assessment of her capabilities, a woman realizes that she is not the center of the universe and has no right to demand from those around her the immediate fulfillment of desires. At the same time, she, as a member of society, can make mistakes and not know information about everything. This doesn't make her stupid or unteachable. The lady projects a healthy view of things onto those around her.

A person with normal self-esteem always has a wider social circle, as he radiates positive energy, attracting new friends.

A person strives to choose friends and interlocutors among self-sufficient people.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Signs of adequate female self-esteem:

• the ability to express your needs and desires;
• recognition of one's own victories;
• ability to compromise;
• ability to learn from mistakes;
• completing assignments in a timely manner without putting important things on the back burner;
• calm acceptance of constructive criticism;
• emotional stability.

Correct self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make decisions based on their own beliefs and desires. Do not depend on the opinions of others. Be confident in your own choice. Don't stop there and strive for success.

How can a woman improve her self-esteem?

If you realize that your self-esteem is lower than you would like, then be prepared to take steps to increase it. It is worth noting that there are no great difficulties in this, the main thing is to firmly decide to change and not deviate from the intended plan.

Psychologists recommend paying attention to the following tips:

• 
  Review your circle of acquaintances. Do you want to increase your self-esteem? Then minimize communication with people who are accustomed to asserting themselves at your expense. If the people around you consider you an uncomplaining mouse, then it’s time to start “snarling” and rebuffing such friends. Ideally, completely stop communicating with people who take advantage of your dependability and non-conflict nature.

• Learn to love yourself. You cannot expect other people to value and respect you if you treat yourself with disdain. Start spending time on your own desires and hobbies, take care of your appearance, read an interesting book. Loving yourself does not mean turning up your nose and positioning yourself above others. Loving yourself means respecting yourself and your needs, valuing your time and enjoying your achievements.
• Meditation and managing emotions. Even if you feel insecure around other people, you should not show your confusion. It's time to learn to “keep your face” in any situation. You are praised - thank and smile! You are being criticized - keep an expression of serenity on your face and just take note. You are asked to do someone else's work, which you are not obliged to do - finally refuse and mind your own business! Accustom yourself to daily meditation, with the help of this technique you can relax well and come into harmony with yourself. Don't know how to hide your emotions? Practice using a mirror.
• Don't infringe on your desires. Do you want to be a confident woman? Stop saving on yourself and pay attention to your image. If you are satisfied with your appearance, then this is the first step towards adequate self-esteem. A beauty salon, a swimming pool, a gym and a little time - and you are no longer a gray mouse, but a cute cat who knows her worth.

Methods to increase self-esteem

A woman who does not respect herself does not have a good personal life, problems at work and in the family.

It is more difficult to increase a woman's self-esteem at 40 than at 20 or 30.

Especially if she is single - she does not have a partner and children. To change the situation, you will have to try.

Ways to increase self-esteem:

1. Change your social circle. Exclude from it those who make you feel weak, worthless, and unsure of yourself.
2. Engage in self-development. Anything is suitable – from beading courses to higher education or mastering a new profession. The main rule is to constantly learn or do something new for yourself.
3. Do something “beyond the pale” for you - jump with a parachute, scuba dive to the bottom of the ocean, or go through a quest with friends. Let the adrenaline go wild with emotions.
4. Find a job you love. By feeling needed by others, you will gain self-respect.
5. Learn to love yourself, despite your plump legs, short stature or other individual characteristics.
6. Set a rule - buy yourself a new thing every month. Not only for children, husband or loved one, but also for yourself. Take care of yourself. Manicure, pedicure, hairstyle, makeup, depilation - everything must be flawless.

Only a confident woman can be truly happy. There will be a desire to live, to enjoy every day you live and to give this joy to others.

Read our article for more details on how to increase self-esteem →

How can a woman understand that it’s time to improve her self-esteem? Test yourself

If you don’t know whether your self-esteem is low or high, then I suggest taking a short test. Answer the questions “yes” or “no” and then review the results.

1. Do you find it difficult to make decisions, no matter how important they are?
2. Are you sensitive even to constructive criticism?
3. Is it difficult for you to refuse a person’s request?
4. Are you constantly unhappy with your appearance?
5. Do you often feel jealous of your man even for no reason?
6. Do you envy women who are more successful in their careers or in love?
7. Don't you see anything good in the future?

If you answered yes to all or most of the questions, then we are dealing with low self-esteem. Of course, it is better to work through this problem with a specialist, but with due persistence you can cope on your own. Below you will find advice from a psychologist on how to raise a woman’s self-esteem.

Man's self-esteem

A man’s emotional stability is the key to a healthy relationship in a couple. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity have problems with self-esteem less often than women. A man who is embarrassed to approach a lady or, at thirty years old, is financially dependent on his mother, evokes only pity.

Low self-esteem in men leads to:

• aggression;
• prolonged depression;
• alcoholism or drug addiction;
• loss of friends, girlfriend;
• loneliness.

Exercise, support from your environment, a positive attitude and, in extreme cases, the help of a psychologist will help you gain confidence in your abilities.

Read more about a man's self-esteem →

Women's self-esteem - major repairs and redevelopment

This chapter is from the book “Healing the Female Soul”

A woman’s self-esteem is the most common problem, the most common question. And no matter how much you answer it, you will be asked the same question again and again, with a different sauce.

Let's look at another side of the self-esteem issue. What does it depend on for us women? With men, everything is clear - they summarize their achievements and compare them with the desired number of trophies. And it works great for them. But we don’t. A woman can collect a whole bunch of cups and still feel terrible about herself. And most often - from experience - the worse a woman feels about herself, the more achievements she tries to collect, win here and there, become the best. For what? Because it seems to her that this will change her attitude towards herself.

So what then does female self-esteem depend on if the male version of achievements does not work? It is said that a woman treats herself exclusively the way others treat her, especially those closest to her. Her self-esteem depends on the relationship she is in, and her choice of close people also depends on how she evaluates herself. Vicious circle? Schizophrenia? No, the ordinary life of an ordinary woman.

This is why our self-esteem is so unstable. I talked to a good person who loves and respects you - you feel great, treat yourself with care. If you talk to someone who doesn’t value you and who doesn’t like you, you feel like a third-class person.

And depending on which people are more with you, you will get different results in how you treat yourself. Simple math. Only we summarize not achievements, not trophies, but love, care and respect.

Self-esteem is determined by our communication

Women with the same initial data, receiving communication of different quality, will feel differently. I know those who are not very gifted from above in appearance or intelligence, but are rich in relationships. They have no problems with body acceptance or self-esteem. Although from the outside it seems that such problems must exist, that one cannot live like this, and that it is generally a sin to rejoice in such things.

And vice versa - there are a lot of beautiful, successful, smart women, next to whom there are “leeches” who poison their lives with their envy, anger, and criticism. These girls most often think that something is wrong with them. Since they don’t love me, it means that I really am unworthy of love - this is approximately how the female brain thinks. If there are many who don’t love me, then I’m probably the problem. Not with those who give them such toxic communication, but with themselves.

Smart, beautiful, kind girls suffer from the fact that they seem to be not beautiful, smart, good enough, because someone said something, somehow appreciated them. Because since childhood they have been trying to improve them like this, all the time showing them where else you are not good enough. And since it is not customary to talk about good things, so as not to over-praise, one gets the feeling that everything is wrong with me. Everything is bad. It's easier to throw it away than to remake it.

This attitude towards oneself gives rise to a riot of internal critics who, without the help of their parents, continue to look for “helpers” in this world. And the woman will continue to mock herself in order to be loved, so that, in her opinion, she will finally become worthy of it. She can go out of her way to be told at least one kind word, to please everyone, to prove something to someone.

A woman who does not love herself will create so many obstacles, difficulties, and trials in her life. She will provoke the world to mock her. It will make a lot of unnecessary movements, become empty, exhausted, scattered, torn into pieces.

This is how we set out on a journey for trophies and peaks. If it helps men, then it probably helps me too? But the path of achievement leads to devastation and changes nothing inside. Just as you didn’t love yourself, you won’t love yourself. Then how else?

A whimsical plant

You can understand the mechanism of formation of female self-esteem and learn to choose your communication. Set boundaries for those who influence you in this way, open doors for those who love and appreciate you, look for like-minded people, close doors for critics and envious people. Good girls in this place begin to rebel - they say, everyone should be loved. Necessary. But how? If you don't even love yourself now? What then do you know about love?

First, love must be cultivated in your heart. This is a very capricious plant, and it is not easy to get used to it. A little draft or cold - it freezes. The heat makes it dry. Water regularly, but do not overwater. Give light, but don't burn it. He needs space, he needs to share. But you cannot give beyond measure. Not easy, right?

And you need to start with yourself. Start treating yourself with respect and love. First to yourself, and then to your neighbors as to yourself. And often, in order to get your dried bush out, you need to give up something. For example, from communicating with difficult people. Do not create excessive stress for it, so that our flower can come to life, straighten out, and get stronger. And only then can you try complex communication options with him. That is, with people who are difficult for us, we must first limit communication and distance ourselves - in order to develop love in our hearts, and only then accept and love - when we already have something to do. Otherwise, in an attempt to accept all this and digest it, you will eat yourself - and then your loved ones. What is so good about it? Who benefits from this?

Do you want to accept and love yourself? Take your own communication seriously. Increase the amount of “good” and reduce the amount of “bad”. And then compare your condition.

You will notice that when you are taken care of, it is easier for you to be more careful with yourself. When you are respected and you no longer call yourself different names. When you are loved, love blossoms in your heart. Including to yourself.

Why do you need to care about self-esteem?

Is it really that important? You need to get rid of the false ego, be humble and all that. Is it true? And critics are our teachers, karmic gurus... Then we need to take more lessons and somehow get out of all this. Then life will be right.

This is exactly what good girls think, who continue to try to please everyone and process everything, no matter how difficult it is. And they are wrong. As a result, their lives often do not make anyone happier, including themselves. Those close to them do not receive the necessary warmth, the girls themselves are dissatisfied with themselves and the situation in which they find themselves, even if they do not directly admit it. And why all? Because they don’t care about the most basic thing for themselves – self-esteem.

A woman's self-esteem determines her mood. Mood - her current reality and the state of her loved ones. Today shapes her tomorrow. And not only her tomorrow, but the future of the whole family. Do you understand how important it is to take care of this now? Not only for yourself, and not even for yourself. And in order to create a pleasant future for your loved ones (and yourself) with your good mood.

The difference between a happy woman and an unhappy one is one thing - the first allows herself to be happy and allows others to make her happy.

This is her conscious choice, according to her inner feeling of herself. She considers herself worthy of being cared for, loved, respected and appreciated. And it is this kind of attitude that she receives from others that “feeds” her self-esteem and helps her to be confident.

An unhappy woman does not feel worthy, makes excuses all the time, oppresses and torments herself, does nothing for herself, does not want to take care of herself, but does not allow others either. This is also a choice. But most often it is unconscious. The choice to continue to consider herself as someone once clearly told her. And the difference between the first and second will be only in what she chose.

Where is the exit?

The problem with self-esteem most often lies in whose eyes you currently look at yourself through. Mom's? Dad's? The boss? Critics? Envious people? We don't know how to evaluate ourselves. Therefore, you need to change the starting point. Point of view.

Are there those near you whose eyes you can look at yourself right now - and see something different? Something more pleasant and useful? Are there those who love you, appreciate you, understand you, accept you? Are there many such people? And if there are not enough of them, where can they be found?

These are the kind of relationships that definitely need to be protected and nourished; you need to be in such relationships as often as possible. This is healing communication for you. This is your quiet haven where you can run to calm down and get everything unnecessary out of your head. This is a place where your flower will grow comfortably and joyfully.

Do you think it's simple? Give it a try. You will be faced with wild resistance inside, with a feeling of guilt that you are such and such and do not communicate with such “important” people. They may tell you that you are arrogant and proud; they can - and will - be offended at you. You will find it difficult to keep your distance from someone and will constantly want to communicate again.

And in the relationships that nourish you, it will seem to you that you are not interesting, that you are bothering the person, that you are unworthy of this. You will be ashamed, afraid to dial a phone number, ask, or come visit. Because how can such a good person put such a pig in the form of himself?

This is where all those who get tired of playing these survival races start. Those who no longer want to prove anything to anyone, who are tired of tops, cups and the feeling that no matter what you do, it is always not enough. The first step is the most difficult. Do it - and stay where you are going. Take the second and third steps from there. Are you ready for this?